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Astarion and Gale wake up at 3am that day still groggy and tired. It's Gale's big day and he's rightfully nervous, so am I in fact…why am I nervous it's not like I'm having top surgery…
Astarion checks his list to make sure he has everything he needs while he waits for Gale's surgery to finish.
“Water, check, food, check, books, check and fidget toy, check! OK, are you ready darling? I have everything I need.”
“I'm ready.”
They both get into the car. It is red with a detachable roof, Astarion plays some classical music to try and calm Gale's nerves and he reaches over and holds his hand, “don't worry darling, you've got this!”
“Ah, thank you star.”
When they arrive at the hospital a drow lady with white hair leads them to the required waiting room, it's a quiet white shiny room. She implores them to sit and to not worry as Halsin is very good at his job, they both nod towards her.
“That's very reassuring, thank you,” Gale breathes.
Astarion turns to Gale and holds out his hand, “surgery is never an easy thing to do, even if it is something you chose to do yourself.”
Gale nods at him and leans in for a hug, “thank you star,” Astarion returns his husband's hug and kisses him.
After a while of waiting the drow lady returns and lets Gale know that Halsin is ready for him now, Gale nods and stands up letting his fingers slip from Astarion's. He looks back towards Astarion who smiles at him and encourages him to move forward, “you've got this darling!”
Gale smiles back and he enters the surgery room.
Astarion has a while to kill, their friends have all said they will visit at some point to help ease the stress so he waits with his fidget toy for a while, foot bopping up and down as he waits.
-
The first friend to arrive is Karlach, “you alright mate? I got you a coffee!” She hands him the cup.
“Ah thanks,” he takes the cup and starts drinking it, “thank you for coming.”
“Of course mate! What have you got to pass the time?”
“Fidget toys and books, I got a crossword puzzle I might encourage Wyll to help me with.”
“Ah good! Wyll likes those. How are you holding up?”
“Honestly I feel like a fool, I'm not the one going through surgery yet here I am anxious…why is this happening?”
“Because you love him star, I know you still find it hard to say you love someone out loud, but he's very important to you. The thought of someone you love going through pain hurts you also.”
“Right…” he continues drinking his coffee, foot still tapping on the floor, why do I find it so hard to tell Gale I love him still?
Another hour passes and it's time for Karlach to go to work, “you sure you'll be alright?”
“Of course, hopefully Wyll arrives soon.”
She pulls Astarion in for a big hug, he hugs her back slightly, still unable to fully be free with his emotions.
“Take care of yourself alright?”
Astarion nods and he watches as Karlach leaves the waiting room. He turns to find a book he hasn't read yet in his bag and begins reading.
-
Near lunch Wyll shows up with a cup of tea for Astarion, he gladly receives the cup that Is offered and begins drinking.
“How are you holding up?”
“I'm fine, takes a long time doesn't it? Surgery…”
“That it does.”
They sit in silence for a while eating their lunch, then Astarion encourages Wyll to try a crossword puzzle with him. Wyll loves these puzzles and he's glad to have someone to talk to.
Wyll reads it, “talkative person.”
“Oh that's easy, it's Gale!”
They both laugh for a while and continue the puzzle, they get a bit lost at some of the words, and have a good chuckle at the word ‘rim.’
Then it was time for Wyll to return to work, he also pulls Astarion into a hug, which he returns by patting Wylls back. Will I ever get comfortable with this?
Wyll waves goodbye and Astarion watches as he leaves the waiting room. He returns to his book which he realises he didn't read much of because in his worried state the words were not sticking in his mind.
-
Jen and Laezel arrive together, they both reassure Astarion in the same way the others have, Astarion feels inadequate, all his past traumas coming to the surface as he waits for Gale, no I must be strong for Gale…he needs me…
“It's OK to be vulnerable, you know,” Laezel says, “it is how we become stronger.”
Astarions eyes widened at this revelation, “I didn't think you would believe that!”
“Well my wife here has taught me all about the different types of strengths in the world, and I am learning to open up to her more also.”
Jen pats Astarion on the back, “correct there's much more to strength than just physical strength, what you're doing now is being strong for Gale, and he's going to really appreciate it at the end of all this!” She gives him a reassuring smile, “but while he isn't here you can lean on us, be vulnerable and let your strength grow.”
He leans into her, “thank you…i-”
“Mr. Dekarios?” Astarion almost doesn't answer the man, he still sometimes forgets his surname isn't Ancunin anymore, after living so long with that name, “I-yes?!”
Astarion looks at the man, he is a very tall muscular man with medium length brown hair, “Hello I'm Halsin your husband's surgeon, the surgery is finished now, but we need to give your husband a while to wake up from the medication.”
“Ah thank you very much, will it take long?”
“About an hour or two, I will come and get you when he's awake.”
“Ah alright,” the man walks back into the surgery room and Astarion sits back down with a sigh of relief, Jen and Laezel both place a hand on either one of his shoulders.
“You'll be home soon,” Jen reassures him.
“Yes then the real test begins…” he says, brows furrowing.
“You know you don't have to do all of this yourself, we can help you cook and clean if you want?”
“No! I want to do it! For him!”
“Very well,” Laezel says “but if you find you need help, then make sure to call one of us okay?”
Astarion nods, I want to be of use to him, if I can't look after him now, then what good am I?
-
Another hour has gone by and Astarion has nodded off on Jen’s shoulder, he gets startled awake by the surgeon Halsin, “Mr. Dekarios, your husband is awake, and he's asking for you.”
Astarion hurriedly follows Halsin into the recovery room and rushes to his husbands side, “Darling! Are you okay?” He holds onto Gale's hand.
“Hmm? I think so…doctor, did I die and go to heaven? Why is there an angel holding my hand?”
Astarion blushes and covers his mouth with his free hand.
“Haha, you're both so cute together!” Halsin laughs.
Astarion can't face the doctor anymore, he's too embarrassed, he gives Gale's hand a reassuring squeeze, “We’ll be home soon my love.”
“That we will,” Gale smiles slightly but he seems to still be slightly out of it, he nods off again.
“Is this normal, doctor? How soon can I take him home?”
“A few hours, in the meantime I need to give you detailed information on how to help your husband with his drains, it won't take long.”
Astarion nods and walks over to Halsin who explains how to; milk the drains, clean them and mark the time and volume, he also explains to use lube as this will create less friction which is less likely to cause Gale pain. Astarion nods and takes notes in a little notebook he brought along decorated with bats on it.
Astarion then realises he's left Jen and Laezel outside in the waiting room for too long, while Gale is asleep he decides to apologise for leaving them behind.
“I'm so sorry guys I didn't mean to just leave you here like that!”
“It's fine,” Jen says, Laezel nods, “how is Gale doing?”
“He's nodded off back to sleep, the doctor said he can leave in a few hours, just got to wait for the all clear.”
“Alright,” Jen says while standing, “we need to go now, remember to call me if you need help, it's not weak to ask for help,” she pats his shoulder.
“I know, I know….” He embarrassingly brushes her off, “I’ll call if I need help.”
Laezel and Jen wave goodbye and ask to be informed of how Gale is doing in the group chat, Astarion nods.
He returns to the surgery room and Gale is awake again, “Star…I feel sick…” Astarion rushes to his side and grabs the small container next to the bed, Gale is sick in it.
“Is this normal?” Astarion asks Halsin.
“Oh yes it's very normal for those who have just come out of anesthesia to feel sick, don't worry.”
Astarion turns back towards Gale and begins stroking his hair, “don't worry darling I've got you.”
Gale smiles at him and falls back to sleep. Astarion waits with him for a while.
-
It was 4pm, time to take Gale home, Astarion is exhausted but he helps Gale into their car and sits him down onto the pillows he bought especially for the surgery, he adjusts the wedge pillow behind his back and makes sure he is comfortable.
He's been told by Halsin to drive slow to minimise Gale's pain, but he reckons he may be driving too slowly if the bibbing behind him is to be believed.
“It's OK love, you can drive a bit faster,” Gale says with a smile.
“If you're sure?”
“I am.”
Astarion starts to drive a little bit faster but not too much, those guys can wait, or drive around me… the car behind decides to drive past Astarion instead of waiting.
Astarion breathes a sigh of relief, “Ugh…I'm glad that's over,” he looks over to Gale who has drifted off to sleep again, right, best get you home!
-
Finally they reach home and Astarion helps Gale into their double bed. It's light purple and adorned with many pillows for Gale's comfort. Astarion prepares the wedge and knee pillows and lies Gale against it then places two pillows under his arms. Gale nods off again and Astarion starts doing household chores.
He starts by polishing the living room trying to be careful not to break any vases, however he almost knocks one on the floor, “agh!”
“Are you okay Astarion?”
Gale! When did he wake up? He runs towards the bedroom and sees Tara sitting next to Gale, “ah oh no! Careful with the drains!” He goes to pick her up.
“No need love, she understands, cats have a keen sense of smell, she hasn't come near the drains at all!”
“Oh, good girl,” Astarion strokes her.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“Sorry, I just almost dropped your favourite Waterdeep vase….” His brow furrows, “I'm sorry darling…”
“You didn't break it though so it's all good, do you mind helping me sit up?”
“Of course!” Astarion carefully helps Gale sit up, “would you like to eat now?” He asks.
“Are you sure you're up to it? Jen can cook for us, you just have to ask.”
“No!” He says loudly, “I mean…let me try at least…please…”
“Very well, but if it becomes too difficult, call Jen.”
Astarion frowns and turns to walk towards the kitchen, how hard can cooking be really?
He grabs the bag of peas and puts it in the pot, then gets a frozen pie from the fridge and puts it in the oven, there surely this is fine? He waits a while scrolling his phone, till he smells burning.
“Damn it!” He looks towards the peas and realises they are burning, takes the pot off the oven and puts it in the sink, and runs the tap, how can I mess this up!?
“Star? Is something burning?”
“No worries, I have it under control!” He lets out a small pained laugh.
“Should I come and check?”
“Don't you dare move! It's fine!”
“If you're sure?”
“I am very sure!”
Astarion turns back to the peas, what went wrong? He quickly thinks of something else to go with the pie and discovers a tin of ready cooked sweetcorn, I guess it'll have to do…why am I so useless?
He waits for the pie to finish cooking, well at least that turned out okay, he places it on a plate with the sweetcorn and hurries back to the bedroom.
“Sorry there was a setback with the peas…is sweetcorn okay?”
“What happened to the peas?”
“They…burned…I'm sorry…”
“How did you manage to burn peas?”
“I-I dont know I'm so sorry…” Astarion falls to the floor next to the bed and buries his head in the sheets next to Gale's body. “I wanted to be useful to you but it seems I'm just useless…”
“Star! Please don't say that! Look what you've done for me so far, just because you can't cook doesn't mean you're useless. your talents lie elsewhere, just maybe ask Jen for help with the cooking before I lose all my pots!”
“Okay, I guess…”
“Did you put water in with the peas?”
Astarion lifts his head off the bed quickly in shock, “Oh god no! I didn't!”
“Well you've learned something new today then. And if you want, when I'm healed I can teach you to cook?”
“I'd like that,” he looks up at Gale and smiles at him, “I-” the words die in his mouth, he's still not comfortable saying I love you, even after all this time, “you mean a lot to me.”
“I know,” Gale puts his hand in Astarions hair, “I love you too.”
“I'm sorry I still can't say it…” he frowns.
“I know, your abusive past makes it difficult to say, you already show me how much you love me with the actions you do.”
“I do?”
“Of course, would someone who doesn't love me do all this for me? Of course not, the fact you are trying this hard proves it. And one day I hope you feel comfortable enough to say it out loud. But until then, I will know you love me with the things you do for me.”
“I hope that day comes soon…” Astarion looks at his phone, “I'll call Jen and ask her for help with the cooking, maybe I can learn something from her too?”
“That's the spirit!”
“I should be comforting you but here you are comforting me…”
“We comfort each other! That's what being married means!”
“Hmm,” Astarion nods in agreement.
-The day the bandages are removed-
Astarion drives Gale to the hospital, it's finally time to reveal the top surgery results under the bandages,they are both excited and nervous. Astarion looks over slightly to Gale while driving, he's looking out the window, Astarion holds Gale's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, “it's going to be great!” He reassures him. Gale smiles at him and nods.
When they arrive at the hospital the same Drow receptionist shows them to the correct room, where they are met by the nurse, Jaheira who explains how she will remove the bandages.
Astarion has been tasked with filming Gale's reaction to his top surgery reveal, he begins recording and Jaheira starts unwrapping the bandages.
The results are amazing, he's finally got the flat chest he'd always wanted, “now you'll have a bit of swelling, but that will disappear soon,” she says as she takes off the small nipple covers, “Also your nipples will go crusty, this is completely normal, in a few weeks that will go. Do you want to see yourself in the mirror?” She asks Gale.
Gale nods and he gets up off the hospital bed and walks over to the mirror, Astarion is following him with the camera. Gale gasps and clutches his face, “star look! I'm whole!!” He turns towards Astarion and starts crying.
“It's you darling! You're who you were meant to be!” Astarion isn't sure how to comfort people who are crying but he hopes his words are enough.
Gale nods and still crying he turns back towards the mirror and begins admiring the work Halsin has done. The nurse Jaheira takes this time to begin explaining how to apply the micropore tape which he'll need to keep on him while the scars heal.
He can't cry, he never really could, but watching his husband cry tears of joy like this brings him over the edge and he feels his cheeks get wet too.
“Astarion, I finally feel whole!”
Astarion nods at him, he can't really see clearly anymore as his eyes are too wet, he ends the video, puts the phone in his pocket and walks over to Gale. Astarion holds onto Gale's hand and Jaheira talks about what oils to use in aiding the scars healing process, Astarion isn't sure he heard any of it, as he is just admiring how much his husband's face is glowing with happiness.
Back in the car they both sit in silence for a while, taking in the beauty of it all.
“God's everyone's going to want to see my reaction video. But I cried…that's slightly embarrassing.”
“Not embarrassing darling, empowering! Everyone will be so happy that you are thriving. After all that woman did to you, you deserve this happiness!”
Gale smiles at him and leans in for a kiss, Astarion returns the kiss and strokes Gale's hair.
“I love you.”
“Star! You said it?!”
“When I saw how brave you were, I wanted to be brave too, I hope one day I can say it without being afraid, too…”
“Well it's a start,” Gale smiles at him, “say it again,” he says playfully.
“Hey now, don't push your luck!” Astarion laughs.
Astarion starts the car and they continue laughing and joking like this all the way home.