Chapter Text
Damian glared at the unknown number flashing up on his phone. Despite the combined efforts of all of the technical genius in the Batcave somehow always a scam text got through. He sighed, at least happy that that was another point towards the game they had started in the family chat. Whoever had the highest number of scam texts by the end of the year got access to the first new phone they developed to stop it.
When he picked up his phone to screenshot the evidence however, he noticed there was no message regarding his nonexistent car or his health insurance but instead a series of smiley face emojis and HELLO in all caps. He was going to block the number out of reflex but it could be Richard after he broke yet another device doing flips at work.
Damian: Who is this.
????: o m g you didnt block me!! hi dami! its me!
Damian: This tells me nothing. Elaborate.
????: conner was right you do text like an old man
Conner? The false superman? The clone? Why would-Damian scowled as he realized who this must be then. Heaving out a long drawn out groan that echoed across the den and made Titus look at him with a tilt of his head.
"Oh no, did your favorite character die again?" Richard asked as he entered holding two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. He set one in front of Damian before sitting down next to him with his own. "Or did Tim send you spoilers again?"
"Neither. Kent has obtained a cell phone and my number."
Richard snorted into his drink before coughing and clearing his throat with a laugh. "About time! I thought Uncle Clark would never let that poor boy have a phone." He reached out and tapped the device. "Add him to your contacts baby bat, don't be a jerk."
Damian rolled his eyes but did and his brother leaned over his shoulder to watch and make sure, chuckling when he saw what name was used. "Do not expect me to change it."
"I won't force you."
The Loud One: daaaaaaaaaaami
The Loud One: dami dami dami
The Loud One: did you block me now
The Loud One: ill ask tim to unblock me
The Loud One: he likes me hell do it
Damian: Do not deceive yourself, Kent. Drake favors your brother, not you. You are merely a means to obtain his desires.
The Loud One: mom says i cant send the middle finger emoji but im thinking it
"You should add him to the family chat."
"I most certainly will not."
"Uncle Clark and Conner are already in there."
"And I regret being forced to participate every single day."
"Fine, I'll do it." Richard stuck his tongue out as he snagged Damian's phone, stealing Jon's number before handing it back. His own phone which had a background of him being strangled by the Teen Titans en masse opened to the chat immediately.
Dickhead: INCOMING
Dickhead: also who gave Jason naming privs back
TheUntouchable: I owed him one for getting me my favorite latte. He doesn't have full privileges back yet, just your name.
Dickhead: awww I can't even be mad :))
Jonathan Kent has been registered in the chat.
TheUntouchable has changed Jonathan Kent's name to Sunshine.
Sunshine: HI EVERYONE i got a phone :)!
RedRobinYUM: hey brat
Sunshine: who are you
RedRobinYUM: i'm literally your brother
Sunshine: ew
MrDarcy: kid fits in just fine.
Tim: for the love of god change your name conner
RedRobinYUM: no
RedRobinYUM: dad said it's my turn to be inappropriate
UNCLE: I did not.
RedRobinYUM: i could not have been more clearly talking about lex
TheUntouchable has turned on Name Labels.
TheUntouchable (Babs): New person rules still apply even if it's Jon. No one can hide now. ;)
Purble (Steph): who joined?
Purble (Steph): OH HI SUNSHINE
Purble (Steph): welcome to hell <3
Ninja (Cass): new brother <3
Dickhead (Dick): cass no
Ninja (Cass): cass yes
Ninja (Cass): all will become brother
MrDarcy (Jason): alright I'm done for the night. that was too creepy even for me.
Ninja (Cass): :( 3
MrDarcy (Jason): pizza tomorrow?
Ninja (Cass): :) <3
God (Alfred): Master Jonathan, will you be joining us for movie night?
Sunshine (Jon): ALFREDS IN THE CHAT TOO
Sunshine (Jon): thats so cool
Sunshine (Jon): um hang on
Sunshine (Jon): @UNCLE (Clark) DAD CAN I GO OVER TO DAMIS
UNCLE (Clark): Jon I'm two doors down in my office. You do not need to message me here.
Purble (Steph): he learns fast
Sunshine (Jon): i didnt want to get up :(
UNCLE (Clark): You didn't have to, we have super hearing.
Sunshine (Jon): o yea
Sunshine (Jon): i forgot
Tim (Tim): how do you forget you hear everything
RedRobinYUM (Conner): it's surprisingly easy to tune it out
RedRobinYUM (Conner): after a while you get used to falling asleep to heartbeats and that's the hardest part
Sunshine (Jon): krypto
RedRobinYUM (Conner): shitfuck yea ok krytpo barking you never get used to that
RedRobinYUM (Conner): it sounds like thunder
RedRobinYUM (Conner): i hate actual thunder less
Sunshine (Jon): @God (Alfred) ok mr alfred i can come over :)!!!
UNCLE (Clark): After...?
Sunshine (Jon): AFTER I CLEAN THE GARAGE >:(
Sunshine (Jon): WHICH WAS CONNERS JOB
RedRobinYUM (Conner): can't hear you i'm going through a tunnel
Purble (Steph): no offense uncle clark but why have chores when you guys can just
Purble (Steph): superspeed it
Sunshine (Jon): were not supposed to use our powers
Sunshine (Jon): CONNER >:(
RedRobinYum: (Conner): y'know i'm starting to think you're mad at me or something
Lizzie (Roy): who's the kid
Sunshine (Jon): hi im jon :D
Sunshine (Jon): who are you
Lizzie (Roy): uh
Lizzie (Roy): ...
Lizzie (Roy): family friend? idk
Sunshine (Jon): how do you not know o-O
Lizzie (Roy): idk how old you are so
Sunshine (Jon): im 10
Sunshine (Jon): why
Lizzie (Roy): yep
Lizzie (Roy): yep
Lizzie (Roy): i am just a family friend yep
Lizzie (Roy): nothing else
Lizzie (Roy): dick and jay are my besties and we like to play mario kart and ive never done a crime ever
Dickhead (Dick): Roy...
Lizzie (Roy): and i am totally not deleting a lot of my messages yep
Sunshine (Jon): LOL
Sunshine (Jon): its ok mr roy
Sunshine (Jon): not everyone who does crimes is bad
Lizzie (Roy): OH GREAT
Lizzie (Roy): not only do we have a 10 yr old here now
Lizzie (Roy): we have a 10 yr old whos smarter than me
MrDarcy (Jason): what? like it's hard?
Lizzie (Roy): DICK JAY IS QUOTING LEGALLY BLONDE AT ME AGAIN
Dickhead (Dick): well maybe if you showed up for movie night, you would be too
Lizzie (Roy): I'M IN INDIA
NyanCat (Kori): would you like me to fly you home
Lizzie (Roy): no now im staying out of spite
NyanCat (Kori): as you wish
NyanCat (Kori): hello young kryptonian
NyanCat (Kori): i welcome you to the ritual of familial conversation
Sunshine (Jon): what
Dickhead (Dick): haha
Dickhead (Dick): Jon this is Koriand'r aka Kori. She's from Tamaran.
Sunshine (Jon): OH
Sunshine (Jon): YOURE THE FIRE HAIR NAKED LADY
UNCLE (Clark): JONATHAN.
DOUBLE B's (Bruce): What was that noise.
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): Who broke what.
God (Alfred): I believe sir, that was a young Master Conner. It would appear he flew into the manor wall again.
UNCLE (Clark): I'll pay for damages.
Dickhead (Dick): the damages to your son or the wall?
RedRobinYUM (Conner): i'm okay
RedRobinYUM (Conner): i can fix the wall
MrDarcy (Jason): how did you not see the wall dumbass
RedRobinYUM (Conner): oh come on no one can tell me they didn't laugh when the brat called her that
NyanCat (Kori): yes i did laugh
RedRobinYUM (Conner): SEE?
GreatestDetective (Bernard): i do love a man who can break walls wanna makeout?
RedRobinYUM (Conner): i thought you'd never ask
RedRobinYUM (Conner) has changed their name to A Mystery (Conner).
A Mystery (Conner): solve me babe
A Mystery (Conner): go over all my clues
UNCLE (Clark): Conner.
Tim (Tim): CONNER STOP
God (Alfred): The wall, if you please Master Conner.
A Mystery (Conner): shit fuck dammit
A Mystery (Conner): sorry alfred i got it
God (Alfred): Master Conner, while I am lenient in regards to the colorful language used in this space I respectfully ask that you tone it down when in direct conversation with me.
A Mystery (Conner): ...
A Mystery (Conner): i feel threatened
A Mystery (Conner): but yea you got it big man sorry about that
Purble (Steph): Alf please please please say 'bitch' call him one please it would do wonders for my mental health
God (Alfred): .
Purble (Steph): he's giving me the look I just know it
Ace (Ace): Hello, I am hungry.
Sunshine (Jon): whos that???
Dickhead (Dick): Oh that's Bruce's dog, Ace!
Sunshine (Jon): thedog has a phone????
Sunshine (Jon): are you guys relaly that rich???
ChosenOne (Damian): Do not be ridiculous, Kent.
ChosenOne (Damian): He has a laptop.
Sunshine (Jon): why
Sunshine (Jon): does yor dog
Sunshine (Jon): have a laptop
Ace (Ace): Hello, I am hungry.
Sunshine (Jon): nvm im starting to see y
Sunshine (Jon): does it say anything else?
Dickhead (Dick): Yeah! he can also tell us when he needs to go out
Dickhead (Dick): or if someone broke in
Ace (Ace): Hello, I am hungry.
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): @Ace (Ace) Sit.
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): I am on my way.
Sunshine (Jon): you can give him commands too??
Sunshine (Jon): why cant krypto be this cool :(
UNCLE (Clark): You could try training Krypto to be that cool.
Sunshine (Jon): that sounds like work :(
UNCLE (Clark): All great things come with a price, son.
Flash4 (Bart): timcanicomeoverformovienighttoo
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Tim (Tim): STOP
Flash4 (Bart): @Tim (Tim)
Flash4 (Bart): ohsorry
Flash4 (Bart): canicomeover
Flash4 (Bart): illevenhelpfixthewall
Tim (Tim): B says you can come over when you learn to use spaces
Flash4 (Bart): idtellhimtofightmeinadennysparkinglot
Flash4 (Bart): buthescaresme
Flash4 (Bart): betherein5
Tim (Tim): 5 what?
Tim (Tim): 5 WHAT BART
Tim (Tim): that could be seconds minutes or hours with you!
Purble (Steph): hey while youre waiting you should totally send me and cass supplies
Purble (Steph): ;) just sayin
Tim (Tim): what
Tim (Tim): how did you run out of supplies already
Tim (Tim): I just sent everyone 2 crates!
Purble (Steph): some dick (not ours) raided the southern fields
Ninja (Cass): :(
Ninja (Cass): we lost
Ninja (Cass): very sad
Tim (Tim): was it that banana guy again?
Ninja (Cass): >:( yes!
Purble (Steph): YOU KNOW BANANA GUY?
Ninja (Cass): evil banana!
Lizzie (Roy): wtf is this
Lizzie (Roy): did you guys get a new rogue
Purble (Steph): shockingly no
Purble (Steph): we're talking about hero clash
Lizzie (Roy): you guys are still playing that
Lizzie (Roy): how
Purble (Steph): do you really think tim would let anyone take his number 1 spot
Purble (Steph): like seriously
Sunshine (Jon): whats hero clash :o
Ninja (Cass): mobile game! :)
Ninja (Cass): pick hero
Ninja (Cass): join guild
Ninja (Cass): protect territory
Purble (Steph): they have us in the game as heroes
Purble (Steph): so we all joined :P
Purble (Steph): tim leads our guild and we're ranked 1st online
Sunshine (Jon): that sounds cool!
Sunshine (Jon): are we in it
Purble (Steph): they haven't put you in it yet but your dad is!
Sunshine (Jon): booooo
UNCLE (Clark): Because you are a confirmed minor, they won't put you in the game. Sorry Jon.
Sunshine (Jon): is dami in the game >:(
Purble (Steph): yea but they think he's a short adult
ChosenOne (Damian): I am significantly tall for my age, Brown.
Purble (Steph): is that the lie dickie tells you before bedtime :)
ChosenOne (Damian): Count your days.
Sunshine (Jon): im like
Sunshine (Jon): 4 inches taller than you dami
Sunshine (Jon): HE BLOCKED ME
Sunshine (Jon): DAMI WHY
A Mystery (Conner): lmao
Lizzie (Roy): cant believe kid doesnt know the rules
Lizzie (Roy): rule #1 of having a bat friend kid
Lizzie (Roy): never tell them youre taller than them
A Mystery (Conner): truth
A Mystery (Conner): bats hate that
Lizzie (Roy): dick ignored me for like 2 weeks when he realized i was taller
Purble (Steph): tim totally wont share photos of us from back when i was taller
Purble (Steph): if i wore heels?
Purble (Steph): he nearly cried
Tim (Tim): I did not.
UNCLE (Clark): Bruce does tend to glare at me more intensely when I float.
UNCLE (Clark): ...
UNCLE (Clark): Oh come on Bruce.
UNCLE (Clark): Must you block me too?
Purble (Steph): like father
Ninja (Cass): like son :)
Sunshine (Jon): this is unfair :(
Sunshine (Jon): i did nothing wrong
Purble (Steph): i demand a fair trial for my client!
Purble (Steph): @Dickhead (Dick)
Dickhead (Dick): what are your opening statements!
Purble (Steph): he's the cutest super!
Purble (Steph): look at him dick
Purble (Steph): you can't say no to that face!
Dickhead (Dick): Compelling argument. Damian, what do you have to say in defense?
ChosenOne (Damian): I have seen cuter dumpsters.
Sunshine (Jon): FUCK YOU DAMI
UNCLE (Clark): JONATHAN.
Sunshine (Jon): sorry dad!!
UNCLE (Clark): Delete that before your mother sees it.
Sunshine (Jon): moms here????
UNCLE (Clark): Of course she is. So are your grandparents.
Sunshine (Jon): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sunshine (Jon): SORRY
Sunshine (Jon): SORRY MA SORRY PA AAAAAAA
Lizzie (Roy): give the kid some credit supes
Lizzie (Roy): takes balls to tell a bat to fuck off
UNCLE (Clark): With all due respect, Roy, we are trying to curb that behavior before it ends up out of hand.
Lizzie (Roy): been there done that
Lizzie (Roy): but a curse word here or there
Lizzie (Roy): wont turn the kid into a monster
MrDarcy (Jason): @BestBillionaire (Ollie) bitch
MrDarcy (Jason): oops, my hand slipped.
MrDarcy (Jason): so easy to make that typo for some reason.
MrDarcy (Jason): or maybe my phone is broken.
BestBillionaire (Ollie): @DOUBLE B'S (Bruce) he's doing it again
MrDarcy (Jason): @BestBillionaire (Ollie) bitch
MrDarcy (Jason): ah shit, there it went again.
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): Jason.
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): Ollie doesn't need you to point out the obvious.
Lizzie (Roy): LMAO
UNCLE (Clark): Oliver whatever you're about to type, please, my youngest joined the chat today. Please tone it down.
BestBillionaire (Ollie): @DOUBLE B'S (Bruce) you are so lucky
BestBillionaire (Ollie): answer your damn phone
DOUBLE B'S (Bruce): I'm not near my phone.
BestBillionaire (Ollie): YOURE LITERALLY TYPING ON IT RIGHT NOW
BestBillionaire (Ollie): DONT YOU PULL THAT BRUCIE SHIT WITH ME
BestBillionaire (Ollie): I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH YOU
BestBillionaire (Ollie): I KNOW YOUR GPA
Sunshine (Jon): watching adults fight is kind of fun
A Mystery (Conner): fuck yea
UNCLE (Clark): Boys, no.
God (Alfred): To all who intended to join us for Movie Night, you have approximately fifteen minutes until we begin.
Sunshine (Jon): shoot!
Sunshine (Jon): on my way!!!
UNCLE (Clark): I'll fly you over, Jon.
"Looks like that's our cue to go." Richard hummed, leaning into Damian's space with a smile across his lips and wrapping one arm around him in a loose hug. "You should unblock him before we get there though. He might throw popcorn at you the entire time if you don't." He squeezed the hug tighter briefly and then pulled away, retrieving the now empty mugs and easily jumping to his feet. He skirted out of the room and left Damian to listen to the cacophony of noise inside the manor, lively as ever with shouts from all directions heading towards the same room.
A blur passed by their doorway and he could hear Drake yell curses as he was no doubt tackled followed by the loud booming laughter of the clone. He rolled his eyes to himself and settled in instead, intending to leave it until the last second to avoid the extra headache that came with his family. He stares at his phone and the growing list of blocked messages as Kent continued to spam him in the hopes that he would eventually give in. It wasn't long before someone invaded his space again however and a hand gently rested on his shoulder, soon followed by a kiss to the crown of his head. He tilted his head back up to look at the smiling face of his father, whose phone was also blowing up with a constant harassment from the so called friends.
He tried not to let his face show just how much he enjoyed the random affection and scooted off to one side to allow space for his father to join him. "I do not see how you can tolerate them." He tells him and it's partially the truth. Some days were better than others when it came to the sheer noise and he often felt himself drained long before anything really exciting happened. Father chuckled as he settled in on the couch.
"I'd take this over a quiet empty mansion any day." He admitted and Damian scoffed at the notion. Then, just as Richard had done before, an arm wrapped around him and drew him close allowing him to nestle into his father's side. "But...I enjoy these moments too." Damian smiled to himself as he drew his legs up to settle in.