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There were things impossible not to notice. Just like a red stain on a plain white tee is unavoidable to the eye, or the way strangers’ faces discarded to focus on a familiar figure among a crowded street, his absence was heavy and impossible for his friends to ignore. Saiki could feel their concern infect his mind and stain his face with a frown that refused to leave his lips. And to think that he was genuinely happy when he heard voices of thousands rush in his mind again… what a joke. It was still, and will always be his main source of misery. The discordant voices suddenly blended to one, in a shared dramatic sentence :
“I really worry for Saiki, I hope he’s okay…”
Gods above, why were they acting like he was dying ? He was not dying… was he ? Saiki sighed in frustration, his fingers repeatedly hit his desk which slowly broke under his touch. How he hated this situation. He hopelessly tried to navigate through his own thoughts, but they were indistinguishable among the noise. Saiki thanked himself he was a man of reason ; the desire to slam his head, or blow his brain out by a simple slap on the cheek had crossed his mind more than once. He could hear all the disastrous scenarios they imagined him in, catastrophe after catastrophe for each of them. The distressing images blinded his eyes, or maybe it was the tears that brimmed them. Good grief, how he hated this situation.
But they were not to blame. If anything, they’re just genuinely concerned. It was actually all his fault : the worry first came from his sudden bailing from the group meeting he appointed himself. Then his sudden disappearance from class, to the meteor almost reducing Japan to inhalation in its entirety - add to that the lack of news he gave to them after the near-disaster… It was no wonder why they were worried. He had panicked over even more insignificant things that happened before, he genuinely understood.
Saiki wished he could atone for the suffering he caused, he truly did. But before that he would kneel and beg for everyone’s sympathy and understanding. Everything was quite overwhelming, to say the least. After he fell from the sky, his eyes and body shut automatically to recover. He was only a young man, after all. And sure, one could argue that it has been three days, two if you remove the one where he slept until the morrow (well deserved rest). Still, it would be impossible for him to deny that it was long, very long. Two or three days without a signal nor a response, especially after a natural disaster, felt equally dreadful. He would still kindly plead for them to understand that, if he could, then he would have told everyone that he was okay.
Yet he couldn’t, because he had learn no to tell a lie, and as he lied down he couldn’t be sure to still be conscious. Everything became faint. He could hear footsteps coming near him, hesitant but desperate. At least one of his senses was functioning whereas the rest of his body got stiff and heavy from the rise of stress. He felt like he was losing consciousness but did not mind the silence it brought, nor collapsing. At least until he heard a gasp and felt a presence kneel next to him.
– Oh my little Ku…
If there was one person deserving of his utmost sincere apologies, it’s his mother. Kurumi had reassured everyone about Kusuo’s state, answered each panicked phone call from his friends, while she shook in terror at the sight of her unresponsive son. It was so hard on her, and Saiki mentally punished himself for being such a terrible son. More so now ; wanted to tell her to leave him alone, to not open that door. He was terrified of her asking if he were okay, because he was not, and if he were not, he’d push his mother in a deeper state of worry. He just needed to calm down and to not let weakness penetrate and fissure his marble like stature.
– It’s okay, Ku…You don’t have to say anything. Mama’s here !
But it was his mother, and before he even parted his lips, she knew and understood his truest intentions.
That day, Saiki silently cried in his mother’s lap.
*
A week. For fuck’s sake. The hundreds of missed calls to the deliveries to his house - never in his life would he have thought that him being disgusted by sweets was possible, but his throat hurted from spilling the guilt tormenting his guts. He couldn’t enjoy the delicacies when each of his friends were living something so stressful because of him, for an entire week. He felt a bit selfish to wear a geranium ring, but the crying voices of his friends were becoming unbearable. He would occasionally spy on them still, only to anticipate any impromptu visit. No one for now— only discussions on how to deal with this situation, some advocating for a more supportive manner than a direct one. The other party argued to barge in without prior warning, just to make sure he was alive - again, very dramatic lingo. But he guessed, and thanked the skies the first group won. It explained the sweets delivered to his home. He didn’t even dare reading the notes that were attached to it. Too much of a coward to even be comforted. He firmly believed that his situation was not dire, so no need to reassured. Right ?
Except it had been a week. Seven days that he dedicated to rotting and avoiding everyone. Kusuo had never felt such feeling of helplessness before, and he couldn’t even tell why this ill gnawed his heart but he did, and it paralyzed him completely. He was not stronger than whatever he was living, that he realized as he stood up some days ago and felt shaken by the mere idea of facing his friends. It felt like a childish excuse, he thought, almost like blaming them for being worried. Facing them meant answering their questions, and physically like mentally, he was not ready. Not yet.
So he just laid on his bed and promised himself he would figure out how to fix this situation. Sure, he will.
…
Bullshit. Because it has been seven entire days, and he has not stepped out of his room even once. Saiki did not worry about classes though, he still caught up on everything whilst spiraling. Nor did he worry about his attendance; his mother had already talked with his principal teacher for his absence to be considered as a “long illness”, backed up with a Kusuke approved certificate - how he hated for his brother to be aware of his situation, more so owing him something. But his mother assured his help came from a place of genuine concern, and to be honest, he had no strength to be wary of him.
The bell rang and snapped him from his erratic train of though. He hadn’t heard from them nor spied since their day started, too exhausted to hear their distress. But he had a bad feeling about not knowing their whereabouts ; knowing their minds better than themselves, he knew he could miss on a scheme to get him to talk with this stupid ring on. He immediately removed it, imagining how they probably had plotted against his self loathing and were already on their way. Ironically enough, he fled what normal people craved for : caring friends.
The swarm of voices hit like a sharp pain before a migraine. He had to focus on the ones who truly mattered, how ironic.
– Alright, we can use this room freely as it is for the occult club. Teachers won’t yell at us for not leaving the school or making noise.
Yumehara closed the door behind her before joining the group on the couch. A tense silence filled the room and it felt hard to breathe despite leaving the AC on. They knew any words pronounced could stir up an argument as they fundamentally disagreed on how to deal with the situation before them. Nails that repeatedly hit the desk felt more comforting than any words that could be uttered. But they had to stop beating around the bush. Aren stood before everyone and inhaled deeply..
– I’m resting my case : I say we have to visit Saiki. He will not answer phone calls, we can’t keep on harassing his mother and we can’t deliver sweets to his house for the rest of our lives. I don’t think we have the choice but to come uninvited.
Aren’s declaration sent shivers down everyone’s spine. His tone was cold and stern, hoping they would follow his lead. If only it was that easy. Kaidou also stood from his seat.
– But we might not be allowed in by his parents. We all had Saiki’s mother on the phone, we could all feel her exhaustion through the line ! We can’t risk tiring her even more.
– Yes we might, but isn’t it worth the try ? We can’t just find small ways to show our support, we have to go there ! If she tells us we can’t then we won’t, but at least let’s show we’re here for him.
– But..What if it just makes things worse ? Saiki has always been the discrete type, maybe he’d feel like we’re preying on him… If he needs this time alone, we have to respect that.
Normally, her charm would have worked on him, like anyone. But the situation was too abnormal to fall for Kokomi’s sweet voice.
– I understand that, I understand where all of you come from, really. But we all know the context is particular. He didn’t show up when he gathered us all, he got trapped by some kids, he suddenly disappeared when the meteorite struck and then, silence radio before his mother tells us he fell quite sick and won’t be coming to school for some time. We can’t ignore the succession of circumstances, there’s definitely something going on greater than an illness !
Nobody dared to deny that. It hurt to hear as they desperately had tried to rationalize the reason for his absence the entire week. But Aren was right : there were so many things off about their friend for his silence not be tied to that. And the more day passed the more guilty they felt.
– Aight, let’s see my partner then !
– Not so fast, Nendou. We’re not all going to go there, right ? We’re quite the group ! Two persons is already enough.
– You’re right, little guy. You and I can go see my buddy then !
– Wait, why you two ? I’m the one who brought the idea on the table first. I have to go.
– We’re all equally worried, Aren. It’s not because you talked about it today that you’re the one who should go. We all discussed that prior to today.
– I do know and I do remember you specifically not agreeing with me wanting to visit. You suddenly want to go, Saiko ?
– Please, stop fighting ! We all want to go, it’s understandable, but we won’t make a decision if we all scream !
– Oi, Terukoko is right ! Stop wailing, we hear you in the hallways ! And nobody is going anyways, I met Kusuo’s mom today and that’s clearly off.
Aiura was scared at the speed their head turned, fearing they would accidentally snap their neck doing so. She could not blame them, she herself almost jumped hearing him in her head after so long…
His sudden presence somehow explained everything and nothing.
– What ? Did you go to the Saiki’s ? Without telling us ?
Before she could even answer, a swarm of angry yet curious voices fused in the room. She could not truly understand a word aside from “tell us!” and “how could you have done that?!” - something along the line, the angry shouts just made her ears ring.
– All of you shut up or I won't say anything ! – Silence. Geez, thank you ! I met her on school grounds, nowhere else. I was heading to the principal's office because that bastard of Matsuzaki yelled at me again for my outfit! That asshole, I hope the omens are forever against him!
– Cut to the chase !
– Okay, damn! Long story short I met her in the hallways, she was exiting the principal’s office We talked. So yes, I met her without asking the oracle, don’t jump me ! They’re taking Kusuo to his grandparents so he can retreat to the countryside - wait, it is not what you think, stop looking at me with horror on your face !
Aiura sighed seeing the decomposing faces. It is true that the word “retreat” was a bit strong, but blame the whistleblower, not her ! She felt a bit guilty to lie to their face like that - but she was asked to, and she might earn what she wants by doing so. Remorse and repentance were not meant for now.
– Let me rephrase that : Saiki is just staying over with his grandparents because it is quiet, and it will help him feel better. His mother also said that he was aware of your concern, and was sorry for the mess he created. He just needed and still needs some time. So sorry for your plan Aren, but bad timing.
Everyone felt falsely reassured by this statement; sure, they had an update on Saiki’s state, but it was always vague and with parsimony - they could not blame his mother for the discretion, though. It felt quite good to hear that he received their concerns in a good place nonetheless, straying the possibility of encroaching on his privacy. Yet there was something quite bittersweet about it, but they couldn’t tell what.
– Oh ! She gave me that as well, I almost forgot. Ta-Dam ! She and Kusuo baked “Thank-u” cookies. Kusuo's mama is such a cutie !
She took the huge glass plate out of her bag, and showed the heart shaped cookies to everyone. Indeed, they were cute, and smelled heavenly too. No doubt, it was Kurimi’s cooking. Everyone smiled fondly, recognizing both his Mother and Kusuo’s writing on the lid. Yeah, maybe they did catastrophize the situation…
Or maybe not. She excused herself out of the room, pretending to have other important business to attend to, which apparently happened in the ladies room. She locked the doors and exhaled heavily. She does not know the amount of bad luck fate reserved her for lying, but she might start harvesting four leaf clovers for protection.
– I’ve done what you wanted, boss, happy ?
…. “I’m sorry I’ve put you in this situation, Aiura.” Saiki sighed, not too proud of this lowly technique but he really couldn’t do visitors right now. Her body hit the bathroom stall, her arms crossed and a pout that accuented minute after minute.
– What have you apported for a cookie jar to appear in my bag ? This was crazy! I almost blew everything up !
“I’m afraid that your perfumes will have some flour on it.”
–What ? Oh come on, that shit expensive ! It’s vixi !
Her back hit one of the stalls, the small echo of her voice traveled all around the empty room. She sighed, hesitating to break the ice or let her faded voice do the talking. But she guessed an opportunity like this one could not be missed…
– Kusuo… Y’know, I worry about you too.
“I know.”
– And it’s so hard for me to lie to them when I’m as panicked as them.
“… I know.”
– At least tell me how you have been, Kusuo ! Nothing more than that. Don’t leave me without a word other than your orders !
She lifted her head, ready to scream at the ceiling, but was surprised to find herself in Kusuo’s room, back against his door. Holy shit, she will have a lot of explaining to do if the group ever caught her. Saiki was turning his back on her, sitting at his desk, contemplating a street he knew so well, to not meet a pain he had yet to see fully.
– You’re alive…. Holy shit !
“Who do you think was talking to you all this time ?”
– Well, you're always on my mind, how could I tell !
Saiki didn’t even have to turn around, he knew she was probably winking or blowing him a kiss. He sighed, somehow not that annoyed with her habitual flirting - it made him feel like everything was normal again.
But it was not.
“ You do not seem that surprised about me teleporting you..”
– Oh, hm ! To be honest, I’ve guessed your powers came back since the meteorite stopped. My crystal ball showed me a huge sparkly pink hollow falling down the sky after the meteorite disappeared. I knew that it was you. I mean, who else if not you ?
Right. Who else, if not him ? Somehow this sentence made him feel alienated. Silence installed itself between the two of them. Aiura was confused on whether she should or not lead the conversation. She hadn’t seen his face, maybe he was wounded from the meteorite stopping - nothing his abilities wouldn’t have healed, right ?
“ I can hear your thoughts are all over the place, Aiura.”
– Oh, sorry Kusuo !
“ For having thoughts ? I’d be more worried if you had none. I should be the one apologizing, for… so many things… What a pain.”
Saiki passed his hands through his face, what was he even doing ? He didn’t even know why he teleported her into his room. Maybe out of guilt - seemed like it was all he felt lately. Guilt, or fear, either way it felt like torture.
“How… are the others ?”
– Worried, to say the least. They miss you, we all do. But I know you miss them more.
Kusuo was surprised by her last statement. But it was true, he did miss them terribly. And it felt weird to hear, even more to admit. He seized his hand to stop it from shaking and he inhaled deeply.
– I am sorry. I really am.
Aiura opened her eyes wide, hearing his voice so faint yet so clear, at least not like echo in her head. She walked towards Saiki who finally turned around… What a sight, she thought. Never had she seen him in such a state of despair. Panic slowly took over her.
– You don’t have to apologize, really. Nobody is mad at you.
She tried so hard to quiet her mind to not flood him with her shaken thoughts…
“You don’t have to say anything… I know”.
But she guessed it was already too late. She stared at him and felt sorry she contemplated like he would break at any moment. But he seemed so tired and overwhelmed by a situation that for the first time surpassed him, it was hard to not pity the poor man. She held Kusuo’s shaking hands and smiled sadly. He bit his lip, still avoiding her gaze and hesitant to speak.
“… I don’t even know why I feel this way, it’s quite frustrating.” He admitted, looking at his shaky hands in hers. She sat on his bed and Kusuo simply followed, still holding onto her.
– It’s often when you least understand what’s going on that it hurts the most. But If I were honest, I think you’re searching too far ! You stopped an entire volcano and a meteorite. Seriously, if I were you I’d be on a beach for a month.
Somehow this answer did not satisfy him. He already had stopped the first catastrophe without feeling so drained, and he felt so confident stopping the meteorite that it would be contradictory for him to suddenly react this way, right? It was probably something bigger than that. It had to be something bigger than that. Or it would mean that he’s weak. And he couldn’t be, he was a psychic for fuck’s sake. Wasn’t he supposed to be the strongest man of them all ?
– What are you thinking about ?
“ It has to be something else. Exhaustion is such a simple excuse.”
– Simple ? Ego is the only big thing I don’t like in a man, you should be careful.
“I couldn’t care less.”
– You should ! Because your ego is blocking you from common sense Kusu ! You stopped two natural disasters destroyed by your hands ! In one go ! This is-
“It wasn’t in one go.”
– What ?
Kusuo let go of her hands to massage his temples. His migraines had worsened throughout the week, depending on regular folk’s medicine to quiet the howling headache. He could not tell why his head was throbbing so suddenly, but he felt at the verge of collapsing, once more.
“ I failed the first time I tried. I rewinded the time. You don’t remember it and you did not notice repeating your year, but I did. And it was not only today. Last year too. And the three others.”
– … What the hell ?
The headache kept on intensifying, he slightly cooled down the tip of his fingers with cryokinesis to ease the throbbing pain - needless to say that it didn’t work, he groaned as he massaged his temples more harshly without actually stabbing or freezing his brain. Somehow, his body reacted oppositely to the cold ; he could feel his face heat up and his eyes burning with hot tears. He felt terrible, way too hyper alert to the point he forgot Aiura was next to him - he jumped when she tapped his shoulder, handing him painkillers along with a water bottle. He would have been repulsed by those tiny pills if he were not one hit away from fainting.
“My headaches became quite awful, I’m almost sad none of them are premonitory.” He rubbed his eyes, hoping to get a grip on reality. “And I have to depend on…those, to feel better…”
– Pfft, that’s called being a normal person Kusu…Do you want me to draw the curtains ? You squint too much it might worsen your state.
Kusuo just rose his fingers and drew the curtains - Right… he can do that.
– I mean I’m no therapist, but I think you might deal with traumatic stress.
“… What ? Don’t be ridiculous.”
– Kusuo. You’re telling me you have dealt with a time loop for four, entire, years ! Four years ! Even if you fixed the situation now, it is a lot to process. Not to mention that you lost your powers, you gained them again because it’s-
“Stop. Please, stop talking.”
Saiki knew he sounded overly rude, but being reminded of this situation just made the headache bite back harshly. He couldn’t tell if he hated more feeling this weak or for someone else to witness his rock bottom. He could not even raise his hand to his face, his muscles feeling both heavy and light. Maybe the painkiller was not strong enough - Good grief, was it all he was being reduced to ? Regaining his powers, and for what ? Simply to be sick and… anxious ? He let out a distressed chuckle, not hearing himself hyperventilating until he felt a strong grip on his shoulders.
Mikoto truly tried her best to keep her hands to herself, but decided that, for the sake of Kusuo’s well-being, she had to cross his boundaries. She held him tightly, capturing him so he could at least stop trembling. And maybe she was the most stable foundation he had in a week. Maybe that’s why he was holding onto her like he would crumble if not. He tried to calm himself down, afraid of unvoluntarily tear up her skin by being too far in his mind.
“I hope I’m not hurting you.”
– Already told you I liked my men rough and strong !
“Shut up.”
But somehow this comment allowed him to relax, a smile on his for the first time in a while. He fell to her touch so fast, humming as she stroked his hair - he could not deny how lonely, touch starved even, he felt lately. And he was the only one at fault for that.
“… I might be more impacted than I thought I was… I guess… I’m more human than I assumed I was…”
Aiura sighed, displeased yet not surprised with this answer ; of course he was human, not so ordinary but only a man regardless, with a limit of what he can take. And for Saiki, it was a meteor and a volcano - four volcanoes. She almost wanted to yell at him for being so full of himself -
– You know that you can be weak, right ?!
“Good grief..I was wondering when you’d say that. This sentence was so loud in your mind.”
– Well I’m saying it now ! It is not a crime to be weak, especially for you ! It’s crazy that you expect yourself to stay strong all the time when you…
“I’m hungry, Aiura.”
– Eh ?! What ?!
“It’s my way to show you weakness. I’m telling you that I’m hungry”
–… This has to be the weakest way to show me you're weak !
“What, were you expecting me to weep ?”
– Yes, I mean the few tears you left on my shirt were not enough !
“Don’t talk about that. And what are you, a sadist ? You know what, don’t answer that. Just put your shoes on, let’s grab some food.”
Aiura wanted to reply, but she just laughed, muttering “sure” as she leant down to tie her shoes when she realized something…
– Dude, I still have my school shoes because of you ! I can’t go out like this !
“Stop whining. Here.” he pointed at the teleported shoes. “You’ll have to give my books back though. How expensive were your shoes anyway ? It’s like half of my library gone..”
– What ? Oh, you apported it ? I think they were worth twenty-one thousand won.
“ … What ? You better bring me all of my books back”.
– I will, what would I even do with your nerdy books anyway… Hold on Kusu, isn’t it just a technique to have me all alone again~? You’re not good at hiding your true intentions! – She sing-songed, removing her shoes from his bookshelf.
“I actually realized I could grab food alone.”
– Yah ! I was kidding- the asshole, he teleported! You can’t escape me idiot, I can predict where you went !
She rushed down the stairs, ready to head to the door when she saw him and his mother standing in the kitchen. She stood straight, quite ashamed to have cussed her son so loud…
– You could have warned me about your mother being here, I feel kind of rude !
“It didn’t feel necessary”
– It should have ! Hello, hum, greetings, ma’am. It’s my pleasure to meet you.
“Why the sudden politeness?”
– Shut up, I’m not going to insult your amazing mother!
“You make her sound like a magician.”
– Maybe she is, look at that skin ! I need to ask for her routine afterwards.
Kurumi smiled, tears filling her eyes - what a joy to see her son smile and be playful again after what seemed to be an eternity.
– You don’t have to be so polite around me, Mikoto! I’m so glad you’re here for my son.
– Ah! Oh, wait- You’re sharing my thoughts with your mom ?
“Still am.”
– You’re a little…
Aiura slapped her hand over her mouth, Kurumi giggled, ordering Kusuo to stop toying with her mind and to let her be.
– I… You do not need to thank me for taking care of your son. There’s so many people that would fight to have the chance I have right now.
Saiki hit her shoulder for her to stop talking, or else his mother would be nothing but a puddle of tears. But also because, and that he would never admit, her statement made him blush.
– Oh, you’re not eating with us ? I do not mind inviting your lovely friend for dinner !
“Don’t worry about us. You should rest, I’ve overworked you lately.”
– Don’t say this, I’ll look after you even in my dying days.
He smiled faintly, heading to the door before this conversation turned into an emotional fest. Aiura bowed to Kurumi before leaving, and waited for the door to be fully closed to yell into her hands.
– How did you let me make a fool of myself like that Kusuo ? I could have died of embarrassment, she’s going to hate me… this is terrible ! Worst first impression ever ! Did you tell her I rescued your grandma ?
“Rescued is a big word. Rager is more correct.”
– I still brought her home… sort of ? Right ?
“Stop panicking. She knows, and she’s very grateful for you.”
Aiura stared at Kusuo with stars in her eyes while he rolled his. Good grief, she was going to be so annoying about that information as she proudly joked about “being part of the family already!”. But he still felt fondness warm him up, Saiki was so glad she was here.