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CATCH HIM??

Summary:

Naomasa thought that they when they finally released a photo of a wanted vigilante to the public, people would then help them track down Viridian.
They would not.
This is because Naomasa forgot to account for one simple thing...
Pretty Privilege
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Or
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People on twitter are simps

Notes:

Y'all this is so bad, I'm so sorry.
Also I'm so unoriginal so all of the 'twitter users' are commentors from my other Aideku fic

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

When Tsukauchi Naomasa and the rest of the police department finally caught Viridian, an elusive vigilante on camera they thought it was going to be a good day. 

It was not.

They thought that Viridian would be easy to find, or at the very least identify based on the photo. 

He was not 

They thought that they could release the photo to the public, who would then help them track down Viridian. 

They would not.

All in all, the universe seemed to hate Tsukauchi Naomasa.

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Ni @knightsofni 

We’ve all seen the picture of Viridian, right?? 

I fear he is so unbelievably fine

Like.. the things I would do for (or to) that man…

5.7k Replies | 3.1k retweets | 7.6k favorites

2:01 AM - 10 March XX

 

Aurora @aurorabawls

Replying to @knightsofni

VIRIDIAN?? THE VIGILANTE??

THE WANTED CRIMINAL???

(you’re so real for that, did you see his arms???)

4.6k Replies | 2.4k retweets | 6.9k favorites

2:17 AM - 10 March XX

 

Ink @spilled__ink

Replying to @aurorabawls 

Forget his arms! Did you see that man’s fucking thighs??? 

I’m not religious but I might start to be because god DAMN! 

That man’s thighs were carved by the gods themselves

5.2k Replies | 2.9k retweets | 6.7k favorites

5:23 AM - 10 March XX

 

Lady @Ladypoyson 

Replying to @spilled__ink

SORRY???  I think I misheard you. 

Did you just say forget his arms?

I don’t think I’ll be forgetting anything about Viridian any time soon. 

I mean!! His arms, his thighs, his ass, his arms !!

I’m going crazy over here guys. 

4.1k Replies | 1.8k retweets | 5.2k favorites

7:58 AM - 10 March XX

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Moon @Foodmoon 

I just looked up Viridian since so many people were talking about him…

HE’S SO CUTE OMFG IM GOING CRAZY  

So many people are calling him hot but he’s just so cute

Look at his curls, look at his freckles, he just looks so innocent

I just wanna wrap him up in a big blanket and take him home like a lost puppy

5.7k Replies | 3.1k retweets | 7.6k favorites

10:43 AM - 12 March XX

 

Em @PrincelyEmerald 

Replying to @FoodMoon  

I totally get what you mean!! And he doesn’t just look cute!

A few months back he saved me from getting mugged and he was so sweet!!

He even offered to buy me ice cream to calm me down :,(

3.2k Replies | 1.7k retweets | 5.4k favorites

2:43 PM - 12 March XX

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Aizawa laughed softly at his phone before shutting off twitter and tucking it away in his pocket, opening the door in front of him. 

“So, how are you holding up?” Aizawa asked, looking at the despondent form of a hunched-over detective. 

“I’m quitting,” Naomasa responded, his voice muffled from where his face lay in his hands. 

Aizawa moved to sit next to him, patting his back condescendingly. “Oh come on now, you can’t quit. You’re the only competent detective in this precinct.”

“That’s not true, I’m just the only one who can tolerate you.” Noamasa retorted, taking his head out of his hands. 

“That’s what I said,” Aizawa responded, waving a hand dismissively. “Now, why were you considering quitting?”

“They’re all stupid,” Noamasa answered, crossing his arms and sighing. 

“Great, okay. I do have more bad news though, I am not a mind reader. So, who’s stupid? Who are you talking about? And is this why you look like I just shot your dog?”

“The general public is stupid and horny. They’re not catching Viridian. Which I know is our job but he’s so good at getting away, and now that people are actively misleading police away from him? It’s no use.”

“Well… I’m sure you’ll get him eventually. Who knows, maybe if you ask him, he’ll turn himself in as a birthday gift or something, I’ve heard he’s a pretty nice guy.” Aizawa teased with a shrug, as he turned to leave. Narrowly dodging the apple and ‘oh fuck off’ Noamasa threw after him. 

After closing the door behind him Aizawa put his hands in his pockets, let out a small chuckle, and began his walk home.  

He had warned Naomasa that releasing the photo wouldn’t go the way he thought it would. In fact, Aizawa’s exact words had been ‘No. People are stupid and he’s sweet and hot, bad combo this won’t work.’ Naomasa had, at the time, assured him that the general public had more of a drive to help than that and wouldn’t turn a blind eye even if Viridian did have a pretty good opinion in the public. He had called Aizawa crazy, meaning that Aizawa now had to plan payback for not listening to him. And it was as he continued walking, basking in his ‘win’ over Naomasa that he saw it. To his left, on what used to be the trash beach (before someone had mysteriously cleaned it) was an incredibly distinctive and familiar set of green curls. 

Aizawa squinted but was unable to verify from this distance, so he hesitantly began approaching the beach. Sure enough, in what was an awful and perfect coincidence, stood Viridan, clad in green shorts, a white ‘t-shirt’ shirt, and the most horrendously red shoes Aizawa had ever seen. A vicious smirk overtook his face. 

This. Was. Perfect. 

Because not only did Viridian happen to be on this beach, he happened to be on this beach working out, muscles tastefully bulging. Aizawa couldn’t contain his glee as he snapped a quick photo of the vigilante and made it the rest of the way home. 

—-----------------------------------

Eraserhead @ViridianFirstFan

*ahem ahem* 

*insert photo of Viridian working out here*

I figured the masses (aka crazed fangirls continuously simping for Viridian) would appreciate this

Also when it comes to ‘wooing’ Viridian I would like to throw my hat in the ring

10.2k Replies | 9.7k retweets | 12.4k favorites

3:19 PM - 13 March XX

 

Viridian @EraserheadsIdol

Replying to @ViridiansFirstFan

Loving the username Eraserhead, I’d love to thank you for your continued support as my most avid fan over dinner. If you’re available of course, think of it like a fan meet and greet. 

14.2k Replies | 11.7k retweets | 16.4k favorites

3:24 PM - 13 March XX

 

Naomasa @Truthman

Replying to @ViridiansFirstFan

Eraser what the fuck? What the fuck is this?

What the fuck are you doing?

Why are you doing this to me?

Answer your phone asshole!

1.2k Replies | 1.1k retweets | 1.4k favorites

3:26 PM - 13 March XX

 

Eraserhead @ViridiansFirstFan 

Replying to @EraserheadsIdol

I don’t know if I could be called an avid fan. 

But who knows, we can see how dinner goes.

You name the time and place, after all you seem to be the popular one these days.

14.2k Replies | 11.7k retweets | 16.4k favorites

3:35 PM - 13 March XX

 

Naomasa @TruthMan 

Replying to @ViridiansFirstFan

Eraser I am at your apartment and I know you blocked my number. 

Answer your fucking phone!

247 Replies | 71 retweets | 629 favorites

3:42 PM - 13 March XX

 

Musutafu Police Department @PoliceMusutafu

Replying to @ViridiansFirstFan

Eraser I know you blocked me on twitter. 

Since you won’t answer your phone, open your door, or come to the police precinct. I’m reaching out now.

We need to chat.

You’re a pro-hero, you should be trying to catch Viridian not going on a fucking date. I swear once I get my hands on you you’re getting suspended from working on cases. I just complained about people simping over a criminal instead of catching him and this is what you do to me?

I’ll never forgive you for this you ***** ******** ****** ******************** *** ******* *********

10.1k Replies | 7.6k retweets | 9.4 favorites

3:56 PM - 13 March XX

 

Ni @knightsofni

Replying to @PoliceMusutafu

I came for the Viridan flirting but I stayed for the police drama! I mean the official Musutafu account??? Who the hell is this guy??

1.2k Replies | 1.1k retweets | 1.4k favorites

3:58 PM - 13 March XX

 

Ink @spilled__ink

Replying to @knightsofni

Right?? Also isn’t @truthman the account that posted the Viridian picture in the first place?

5.2k Replies | 2.9k retweets | 6.7k favorites

4:23 PM - 10 March XX

 

Lady @Ladypoyson 

Replying to @spilled__ink

OH SHIT I think you’re right!!! Lmaoo he’s kinda right tho no one is actually working to catch Viridian.

4.1k Replies | 1.8k retweets | 5.2k favorites

7:58 AM - 10 March XX

 

Em @PrincelyEmerald 

Replying to @Ladypoyson

I mean… why would we though? Let’s be so fr Viridian is one of the main sources of protection people have in some of the sketchier districts, and with how sweet he is?? And now that we know he’s hot too?? He’s the entire package! Honestly, there's no chance people are turning him in.

3.2k Replies | 1.7k retweets | 5.4k favorites

2:43 PM - 12 March XX

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“So…. Viridian’s first fan, huh?” Izuku asked with a playful smirk. “What a claim to make.”

“Oh shut up,” Shouta replied with a fake groan, trying and failing to keep a smile off of his face. He hadn’t been sure what to think when Viridian had reached out, genuinely intending to go out to dinner, but so far the whole night had gone better than he could’ve expected. The date was going so well in fact that Shouta had planned their second date at a new exhibit at the Hero Museum. 

“No, really I’m honored. I mean for your first ever Twitter post to be about little ol’ me? Well, I’m flattered at its finest.” Izuku continued, his voice rough with laughter. 

“I mean yes, you did look… amazing in that picture but if I’m being honest I mostly made it to fuck with Naomasa.”

“That’s such an amazing reason to do something. What was the thing with Naomasa? I can still barely believe he used the official Musutafu Police Department Twitter account just to yell at you!”

“I mean it started when I told him that no one would turn you in, he didn’t believe me.”

“Well… duh. I mean I wouldn’t’ve believed you either! Why did you think that?” Izuku asked with a confused tilt of his head.

“Cus you’re hot,” Shouta replied bluntly, smiling at the dumb-founded look on Izuku’s face. “I told him that you already had amazing public support, that you were famously polite and sweet, and now, with your photo being released and more people finding out that you’re actually smoking hot too? There was no way the public was going to cooperate. And I was right, I mean #Viridian’sthighs already had over two thousand posts. I’m telling you pretty privilege is real.” 

Izuku couldn’t stop the full-hearted laughter that left him with that sentiment. The night had been even better than imagined. Izuku wasn’t ashamed to say he’s had a bit of a celebrity crush on Eraserhead for a few years now and had almost had a heart attack when he saw the man’s flirting on Twitter. 

Their conversation was then interrupted with their food being delivered. But the date continued to flow, with both Izuku and Shouta becoming more enamored with each other throughout the night. 

“So, how would you feel about going to the new hero exhibit with me next week?” Shouta asked, leaning against Izuku’s doorframe, having come to drop the other man off. 

Izuku excitedly nodded in confirmation, he then leaned in to press a quick kiss to Shouta’s cheek but paused before pulling back. “Anything for a fan.” 

—------------------------------

Ray @RayShippouUchiha 

Here with your latest Viridian sighting and I am please to announce that Viridian or @EraserheadsIdol and the man suspected to be Eraserhead or @ViridiansFirstFan did end up going on that dinner date! 

*insert picture of Izuku and Shouta at dinner*

Make sure to follow me for all of your Viridian updates!

14.2k Replies | 11.7k retweets | 16.4k favorites

9:24 AM - 13 March XX

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Musutafu Police Department @PoliceMusutafu

We, the Musutafu Police Department, would like to come out and formally apologize for the recent incident on our Twitter account. We have reason to believe that our account, and the personal account of one of our officers, was hacked. Even so, we would still like to extend our deepest apologies to anyone who witnessed the posts a few days ago. As public defenders, the Musutafu Police Department should strive to have better security and a better image in order to ensure we can continue being role-models for peace and decorum in our community. 

We will be hosting a seminar about cyber-security and online presence at 6pm at 23 w. Xxx st. and would love to have more participants. 

10.1k Replies | 7.6k retweets | 9.4 favorites

8:00 AM - 15 March XX

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Notes:

I only eat comments please feed me