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Remus heard the shower start and pushed himself out of bed and into his wheelchair. He glared at the thing, but had to admit that it helped him to be able to do more since his horrible transformation two months ago that stressed his spinal cord and effected his pain and function. Poppy had suggested it to him, and at this point, Remus would do anything to make things easier on Sirius, and that included being more mobile on his own. Sirius would never complain, but even though Remus was skinny, he was still a tall man, and Sirius’ body wasn’t the same it was before Azkaban. So, it wasn’t easy for him like it used to be to help Remus at times like this. And, even though Remus had always seen it as taking away freedoms, in actuality, the wheelchair helped him in general to be less reliant on Sirius. It would have been nice to have all of the years he tried to make it through on his own instead of just not really moving and depending on magic for things that he’d really rather not think about with hygiene and then often just not really eating or drinking enough because of pain or lack of energy and ability to move. It had been a shock to go from the help he’d gotten at school and the beginnings of the war and then the shock of being in werewolf camps, where people either just helped one another or they weren’t as bad of shape because they didn’t lock themselves up, which meant pain day of and after because of aching joints, but they didn’t have other self-inflicted injuries on top of it. Either way, it was a nice change for Remus to be gaining independence.
It had been hard at first to see Sirius struggling to help him, because it used to be effortless. But the time he’d been here had helped immensely to get some weight back on him, get him proper rest and time to be under a little bit less stress. The war was still brewing outside their doorstep but Harry was as safe as possible at the Dursley’s for now, and although they were contacting old members of the Order, and spending a few hours each day getting Grimmauld ready for it to be Order headquarters and for Harry to stay with them for a bit before term started.
Remus had emphatically told Dumbledore that he and Sirius would not be staying there on a permanent basis, that it was a safe place for meetings, and for Harry, but once he was back at school, they were coming back to Remus’ cottage. There was no need for Sirius to be thrown right back into another sort of prison of his childhood home. But he knew that it was warded and had protections that were ancient and they all wanted the best for Harry, so it would be fine for a bit. But it would do Sirius no good to not have an escape.
That night had helped them reconnect physically because Sirius said he was turned on by Remus’ confidence and the way that he stood up for him. Not that Sirius couldn’t have done it for himself, but he admitted he probably would have caved because Dumbledore knew just how to manipulate him. Remus felt better about himself in taking a stand, and Sirius felt prioritized. They had a good conversation before they compromised with Dumbledore, and it really showed that they were learning from their years of miscommunication, and that they were really putting in the work on themselves individually and with each other.
It would have turned into an ugly fight between the two of them before Halloween of 1981. Instead of realizing that the problem was external, it would have shifted to blaming the other, of hiding or running, or Remus caving to what others asked of him. Don’t get him wrong, Remus still felt a huge sense of debt and gratitude for Dumbledore, but he also had learned to open his eyes. That Dumbledore was manipulative and that while he was the best chance of winning the war, and he was to be deferred to, but only to a certain extent, because they had all seen that he would put lives on the line, freedoms and choice and agency. That he would make moves in the way that he wanted them, and Remus thought that if he really wanted to, that Dumbledore could stop this all, and didn’t trust his full reasons on why he didn’t. He knew that the man wasn’t perfect and his wisdom and age were helpful and that he wasn’t all powerful, but Remus got the feeling that there was a lot that he wasn’t sharing. That if he would have done it before, or if he did it now, that maybe it would end better. People choosing to fight could make informed choices and know exactly what they were doing instead of just following blindly.
He and Sirius had agreed generally and would weigh each thing that was asked of them, as well as trying to get Harry to understand the importance of being safe at school and encouraging him to ask for their help, or McGonagall’s. Because they were both wary of what all had happened at Hogwarts right under Dumbledore’s nose. And they wanted to try to make his school year better. They also wanted for this war to be different. To fight smarter and with their eyes wide open.
They were trying to approach their relationship the same way. They still loved each other, and that hadn’t diminished. They had to acknowledge that it had been bent and twisted from the end of the first war, and effected through their years of separation. They both still had a lot of growing to do, and things to work on because they both still had unresolved childhood trauma, and then add in the war, and then the horrors of what Sirius experienced for so long in Azkaban. Plus, Remus hadn’t had the easiest time during those years either. Some of it, admittedly was his own fault. He’d been depressed and his condition didn’t lend itself to long term work. He’d done things he wasn’t necessarily proud of. He’d decided to open up little by little to Sirius about it, even though he had worried about Sirius thinking badly of him. But Sirius just held him and thanked him for being open with him, and Remus felt like that was another thing he could point to that had shifted between them for the better.
Remus knew that it would be hard with everything getting so dark in the wizarding world, but he was determined that he wasn’t going to be keeping secrets and lying to Sirius about anything. He wouldn’t be as useful to Dumbledore this time around though, mostly only for research, maybe reconnaissance if it was low key enough. But Remus physically would not be able to go to the werewolves this time. It would literally be a suicide mission for him to go to any packs, even ones that were known to be neutral, or that he had connections with. He hadn’t gone to them after 1981, and if it was to try to spy on a pack aligned with Greyback, they would never accept him with his limitations, if they didn’t kill him outright.
He wasn’t sure what the next weeks with Harry would look like, nor what the reassembled and newly recruited Order would look like. But he did know that there was something he wanted to do first. Because if he had learned anything, it is that there are no guarantees of more time, or for “later.”
And this was something that he has wanted to do since 1977 but always thought that the timing wasn’t right. So, while Sirius was in the shower, Remus got the ring he’d had made with Effie and Monty’s help back in 7th year and put it in his pocket. It was engraved with stars and the moon and he’d had help to infuse his magic into it. A spell of protection, of healing, and something that was said to emanate the comfort and feel of your partner’s magic.
He then wheeled out into the back garden, where he used magic to set up a blanket, some wine, cake, and turned the record player on quietly. He situated himself there and watched the night sky trying for what felt like the millionth time to figure out how to put his feelings into words. He still hadn’t quite figured it out in eighteen years, so he didn’t really think that a few minutes would help. Until he figured out Sirius’ innocence, he had hated himself in those years that he still loved the other man. He would still think about how it could somehow work between them. And he never could bring himself to hate him. He despised what he thought he did, but just like in 5th year, it was about the choice and the betrayal. It was heartbreaking and Remus often felt like he’d never recover in the worst moments, but the feelings of how much he loved Sirius, and felt like their lives were twined together never faded. The aching and yearning to show him kindness and tenderness, to hold him and be held, that never left, even when Remus would have given nearly anything for it to just be free of it. Now, of course, he was grateful that it was as strong as ever, even if those feelings looked different with age, maturity and pressures of things they could never control.
“Remus?” Sirius called, voice a little strained.
“Out here!”
“Are you okay? Did you fall? What hurts?” Sirius asked in a rush.
“Shh, I’m fine. I’m down here on purpose,” Remus reassured him with a laugh.
“Oh. Alright then,” Sirius plopped down beside him and gently rested his head on Remus’ shoulder.
Remus bit nervously at his nail and took a deep breath. “Do you want some wine?”
“Sure, that’d be lovely…” He hesitated and seemed like he couldn’t decide whether to push it or what to say.
“ What’s going on? Is everything okay?” Sirius asked finally, taking the offered glass.
“Yes, I promise. Everything’s fine,” Remus told him. He offered him a chocolate dipped strawberry and felt so cliche, but he didn't care, whenever Sirius smiled and ate it directly from his fingers.
“I love you, you know that, right?” Remus began nervously.
“Of course. I love you too, Moony,” Sirius answered, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
Remus could smell the coconut shampoo, the mint from his toothpaste, the light floral scent of the wine, and the sweetness of the chocolate on his breath. And underneath that the intoxicating essence that hadn’t changed, the smell that was purely Sirius. It calmed him down and excited him at the same time, which didn’t quite make sense, but it worked.
“I know that nothing has been easy for us, but through all of this, I’ve remained deeply in love with you. And I feel like we’ve lost so much time, and I don’t want to spend any more time than we have to without asking you something that I have wanted to since we were seventeen.”
Remus cupped Sirius face and stared into his beautiful eyes, which were for one of the first times in recent memory were relaxed and happy. “Can I kiss you?”
“Of course, I’ve told you that you don’t have to ask,” Sirius answered with a gentle smile.
“I’ve told you the same, if you remember,” Remus teased before pulling him closer and letting their lips meet. It was soft, slow, sweet and didn’t last long. Remus didn’t want this to get off track after all.
He shifted his weight and pulled out the ring. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes, of course,” Sirius said, a smile spreading and lighting up his whole face.
Remus slid the ring onto his finger, charmed to always be a perfect fit, and his heart leapt at them being one step closer to being as tied together as possible.
**
“The ring… It feels like… you? Your magic? This is lovely and perfect. I love it and I love you,” Sirius said, tracing the lines of the engraving. “Wait. Seventeen? Really?”
Remus nodded and told him about the magic and the Potter’s help. Sirius was shocked that James knew but managed to keep it a secret. He couldn’t help the pang of wondering if it would have made any difference if he’d broken his promise of silence to Remus and told Sirius. If anything might have gone differently back then, but that only led to pain, so he quickly refocused on his lover. Now, his fiance.
His head spun a bit and he was smiling so widely. He wanted to tell Harry, he wanted to scream it from the rooftop that he was lucky enough to be able to marry the love of his life. That despite everything that seemed determined to tear them apart, they had fought to get here, and to grab onto this bit of happiness.
“I’d marry you tomorrow, you know?” Sirius told him, pulling him into his arms. He vowed to get Remus inside and off the ground soon, but for now, it was nice out, and the music along with the gentle fragrance of the flowers around them and the low hum of the insects was peaceful. There was a gentle breeze and even though they were in the middle of the countryside the moon and stars were so bright that he could see Remus well, and allowed himself to drink in his beauty.
He knew that others didn’t see Remus the way that he did. But Sirius saw strength in the scars, found patterns in his freckles, he could get lost in his eyes, and his smile made him feel warm inside. Remus was lanky and generally physically weak, but he had large hands that were gentle with Sirius, never touching him with unkindness; he felt safe whenever Remus had him wrapped up in his touch.
“I would marry you tomorrow too, Padfoot. But we should probably wait for Harry at the very least.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Of course. I just meant…” Sirius said, trying to put it into words.
“I know. Me too.” Remus said.
Sirius was grateful that was one of the moments that they just got the other one. There had always been a vein of miscommunication as well as their own insecurities coloring conversations and interactions. But sometimes it was just the nature of their personalities, or how they grew up, or all of the time spent together, but it was just that unspoken understanding. Of just knowing. And there was something so special about that.
There was also something special about this new hope for their future, yet another thing to fight for, to look forward to. It was beyond what he could have imagined as a kid. He’d always wanted love, and it felt like the stars had heard him, and brought Remus into his life as a partner matched just for him. He’d also been so lucky with the found brother in James and parents in the Potters, and there was also the bond of blood that he had with Regulus, that no matter how much time and horrid things came between them, it was still one that he wouldn’t trade.
But Sirius had always longed for this sort of relationship as long as he was old enough to begin to comprehend what it was. And, probably thanks to his parents, he’d never thought that he was worthy enough to ever have it.
But he did, and he vowed to treasure it. To take care of Remus the best he could and as much as Remus would let him. That he would keep learning when to give Remus the ability to say no, and to make his own decisions about his health even when all Sirius wanted to do was help. They’d come a long way over the years to compromise and to understand where the other was coming from, motivations and agency and although it was hard sometimes, they both were trying.
But he wanted to spend his time showing Remus that he was worthy of love, devotion and happiness. Sirius knew that it wouldn’t be easy with other responsibilities looming and the consequences of the war on their doorstep. That life wasn’t going to just fade away, but this was something that could bring them closer together. He couldn’t wait to tell Harry, and for this all to be over with so that he can bring Harry here to the cottage and him and Remus could try to offer him stability and show him what love from adults who cared for him and wanted the best for him could look like. He knew that Molly and Arthur had been giving him that the last few years, and he was immensely grateful that Harry had them. But also, Sirius had known him since he was a baby, and he was the one meant to be in his life and though Sirius did mourn the years they missed together, he also wasn’t going to try to let that take over, and try his best to just make things better now and going forward. He’d always imagined that it would be James who would be his best man, but there was a special kind of joy and honor in being able to ask Harry, and he hoped that he would be like his parents and be happy for him, and think that the love between him and Remus was beautiful. Sirius didn’t really think that it would be an issue, but again, there was the voice in his head of his mother that always made him question how others saw him and would react to things that weren’t quite in line with “acceptable and normal and proper.”
“We’ll figure it out soon though, when we talk to Harry and when it makes sense,” Remus said, interrupting his thoughts.
Sirius nodded, because this, right here and now was enough.
More than he hoped for.
He was promised to be married and he felt like the luckiest man to be able to say that it was to Remus Lupin.
**
It was a couple of months later, Harry back in school and him and Remus spending yet another day in Grimmauld place. They were looking at artifacts and sorting through the Black family library for clues of anything that could be lending power to Voldemort. They had books of all sorts, and ones that were highly dangerous and not so legal, so they hadn’t even begun to deal with them while the kids had been around, they had heavily warded the areas to keep curious but innocent minds away from it all. But Sirius was just about done for the day, stretching and looking around to see Remus hunched in his wheelchair, frowning at a book in his lap.
“Sirius? Have you ever heard of a Horcrux?”
Sirius' heart sank and he thought about the pulsing magic he’d been feeling, voices and tickles at the back of his head that he couldn’t describe and he knew.
“Fuck.”
**
It wasn’t long before he found the locket and notes from Regulus in his room, and they took it and stormed into Hogwarts and Dumbledore’s office. Sirius explained what he’d read and what he felt, and his anger burned hot whenever he saw the look on the headmaster’s face.
“You knew?”
He inclined his head. “I highly suspected. I have been looking into some things, and I was going to enlist Harry…”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence or think about using my godson like that,” Sirius interrupted.
“You have two smart and capable men in front of you who have been through a war, and know how to defend themselves. You will tell us, and we will help you,” Remus growled and Sirius nodded and took his hand.
And so began the hunt.
When they heard about the unintentional Horcrux and guessed Dumbledore’s brilliant plan for that, Sirius’ magic had exploded half of the office.
They’d found some answers in the Black family library, and they were able to draw out that piece of Voldemort and then destroy them all. Which left Harry, thankfully in the dark. He was still furious that Harry had even been considered being left to deal with. He was now safely at school and relieved of that burden.
**
The summer after Harry graduated, on the beach by their cottage, Harry had his arm linked through Sirius’ and he walked down the aisle towards his soon to be husband. Remus was waiting for him, sitting in his wheelchair and looking insanely handsome in his dress robes.
When Sirius got there, him and Harry helped Remus stand and they said their vows as the sky was turning pink and purple over the water. It was a small ceremony but perfect and tailored to them. He was so happy and in love, and inexplicably, he felt like James, Lily, the Potters and all of their friends that they’d lost were there, and instead of feeling sad, he just felt such a positive energy, and that even though they weren’t in this life with them, that they would all find each other in the next one.
But for now, this life was pretty damn good. He promised to love, cherish, protect and stand by Remus through everything that may come. Good times and bad, sickness and in health, to give each other solace, support, loyalty and devotion. They both made these promises freely and they’d both proven to the other that they were committed to making this work, and to each other.
They exchanged rings, and kisses, then later in the night cake and wine. Sirius let Remus rest as much as he could, but when it was time for their first dance, as the stars were twinkling in the sky and the outline of the moon where it was at its furthest from full still lent its light and presence in the sky; Sirius took Remus into his arms, and supported his weight and they swayed together, bodies pressed together and hearts in sync.