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Sonic in peacetime was a different beast to Sonic in the middle of world-threatening events.
When he didn’t have that stimulation, when everyone was focused on rebuilding and reforming, there was a whole side to him that Shadow missed. That assuredness, that undeniable passion evident in every moment of an adventure.
Now, instead, what Shadow had was a Sonic that was often being called away by others for his help; when they did cross paths, Sonic was… easy-going. Happy to nap, to explore, to meet with his friends. But ultimately, Shadow never saw him as connected to what he was doing as he was to saving the world, to finding triumph over impossible odds. None of those glints in his eyes, coiled tension in his muscles, smiles spreading so wide that Shadow knew he could take on anything.
He wondered if anything could enthuse Sonic as much as cataclysm-fuelled adrenaline.
He wondered if Sonic could ever feel as deeply about him as he did.
The forest was quiet now. Shadow was sitting against a tree a few strides away from a mound of rubble that had, until recently, been the site of one of Eggman’s operations—one that he’d been tasked to dismantle. His fur was covered in the dust, grit and oil from the former building. In his hand, he held a cloth already black with effluence. Some other agents would arrive soon to clean up the damage, but for now it—and he—was a mess.
He let out a breath as he dropped the cloth on the forest floor and leant his head on his propped-up forearm. The carapace of a robot lay in front of him, the stillness in stark contrast to the violent combat he’d gone through to put all of their mechanics to a stop. Thankfully Dr Eggman had left this endeavour wholly automated. And then, in the robot’s shining reflection, a bolt of blue appeared.
“Ugh. It's you,” Shadow deadpanned.
With the merest skid to a stop, Sonic settled behind him and gave a low whistle. Shadow didn’t turn to face him, but did keep a careful eye on the hazy reflection, where he could see Sonic put a hand on his hip. “Did a number on this place, huh? It sounded like someone was knocking down a mountain, thought I should check it out. Glad to see it was someone on our side.”
Was he?
“Though you coulda left some for me!”
There it was.
“Please. You actually would have knocked down a mountain if you had gotten anywhere near this mission,” Shadow said. He reached for the rag beside him, but stopped before he picked it up, grimacing at how filthy it was. Instead, he came to a stand, finally meeting Sonic’s eyes. His fur crackled with the grit that came loose from the movement.
“Hey, I can be stealthy too! You should try me sometime. And I probably could’ve managed to get out a lot cleaner. What did that bot do, pull you through its guts?” he laughed, unbothered as usual.
Shadow ducked his head sharply. He swept a hand over his chest fur in a gesture that only managed to spread the oil still there further around. His jaw was tense as he crossed his arms instead, not deigning to give Sonic a response to his inanity.
Sonic tilted a look at him, cocking his hip further. “That valley with the lake in it isn’t that far from here, right? Would be a good spot to wash up. I’ll race ya there.”
With narrowed red eyes, Shadow considered him; he couldn’t even remember the last time they’d had a race. Feeling the fire of a challenge light him up, he smirked, braced, and rushed off in a roiling wave of speed.
“Oh, trying to use underhand tactics to beat me, huh?! No chance!” Sonic cried, bursting after him.
As they weaved through the forest at jet plane speeds, dashing around trees in intricate paths that only they could navigate, Shadow deliberately slowed down enough to match Sonic’s position. Trunks passed between them faster than blinks as Shadow said, “Hah! As if. I don’t need them to beat you—I just want to see you squirm.”
Sonic tripped up for a split-second before he caught himself, his expression going from wide-eyed to determined. He pushed forward and got ahead of Shadow, but he didn’t have the lead for long before Shadow overtook him.
They traded first place back-and-forth all through the forest and the wide open plains on the way to their destination. Shadow’s heart pounded in his chest—this was the Sonic he wanted to see, the one that whooped with excitement, ran with abandon and even threw in a few tricks as he went. It had been too long since they last tested their skills; now, he couldn’t get the smile off his face.
As they got closer to the curving hills of the valley ahead of them, they got closer to each other, too, neither wanting to give an inch of the lead away. Shadow knew that Sonic had the same idea as him when the lake came into view and their eyes met. Just as they reached the shore, both of them jumped, kicked off their shoes and gloves, and dived into clear blue water. By the time they came up for air, it was impossible to know which of them had won.
“Man! That was a good run,” Sonic grinned, his head popping up close to the shore, shallow enough that he could stand comfortably. “It’s actually kinda nice taking a dip when I don’t have to swim. And you’re already looking a lot better.”
Shadow kicked his feet in slightly deeper water and willed his smile away as he gazed at the liquid droplets on Sonic's fur. He looked down at himself instead. The race and the water had dislodged plenty of the grime he’d been covered with, but still left him with a few persistent clods of dirt and some of that uncomfortable oil still slick on his skin. He dipped underwater and rubbed the fur of his face and muzzle clean. When he came back up for air, and brushed through his chest until it was pure white again, Sonic was staring at him.
“What?”
“Uh…” Sonic started. “You’ve got some at the back of your quills. D’you want me to help?”
“What? I don’t need your help,” Shadow answered quickly, too quickly to not sound apprehensive. He moved away, making a small wave form around him. “Don’t you have small woodland creatures you need to save or something?”
“Not right now. It’s no problem, I’ll just get the bits that are hard for you to reach.”
He was suggesting it like it was nothing. He couldn’t know how much Shadow yearned for him, how agonising this would be for his once-rival, now-something-hard-to-define.
But… refusing was suspicious. For Sonic, it was no problem, right? Just a friendly, helping hand. How could Shadow explain what the problem was if he said no?
“... Fine. But be quick about it.” Shadow swam, then trawled over to Sonic, his limbs stiff and clenched as he stood in front of him. Here, both of them had most of their upper halves above the water, giving their quills a chance to dry and lighten from the weight of the liquid holding them down.
“Not like I’m gonna give you a massage or anything. Unless you ask really nicely,” Sonic joked.
Shadow was already regretting this decision as an image of Sonic running slippery hands over his back entered his mind.
The anticipation of that first touch buzzed under his skin like static electricity just before a spark. It couldn’t have taken long, a few seconds, maybe, but it felt like an age.
He grew more uncomfortable as Sonic’s fingertips finally grazed his quills, because—oh—he may not have been covered in massage oil, but that residue of machine oil was enough to make Sonic’s hands glide across his fur in far too close an approximation of his fantasy than he’d like. Shadow clenched his eyes shut and made himself stay absolutely still as Sonic’s fingers worked their way through. He would have expected him to be quick, unthorough, indelicate. But… he wasn’t. The pads of Sonic’s fingers were soft on his quills, starting off light, but needle by needle, they gradually went deeper, brushing out dirt and oil as they went.
It… eased that ache he’d felt for so long, simmering just under his skin. That… incessant longing that was most acute when he was alone, when he wished he could dig underneath the surface, and gouge out the parts of him that were so desperate to be held, touched, cared for.
Shadow imagined himself turning around, taking Sonic’s face in his hands. Imagined waiting for that moment of recognition—when he finally understood—and that spark of happiness in his green eyes that would let Shadow know that Sonic wanted this, too. He imagined leaning in for the kiss, and getting to press his lips to Sonic’s for the first time.
He could imagine it so clearly his lips itched with it.
But when he opened his eyes, the itch dissipated for what it was: just a phantom of a feeling borne of his own ridiculous fantasies. On the water’s surface, he saw himself, facing away from Sonic and troubled.
It wasn’t the first time he’d thought of what could be between them. Wasn’t the first time he had been this close to Sonic, or the first time they had found each other and somehow spent a morning, afternoon, night, or even a whole day together. It was the first time Sonic had suggested anything like… this. But… did it really matter when Sonic seemed as unphased about his touches as he was with everything else?
Shouldn’t he have accepted that Sonic would probably never want a relationship with him by now?
That’s what he’d been trying to convince himself to do ever since he realised he was in love with Sonic. And yet his hope still remained.
His mind jolted back to the present when Sonic let out a cupped handful of water over his head, one last sweep of his palms over his quills before he pulled away.
“There. Squeaky clean,” Sonic murmured.
Shadow froze at the uncharacteristic quietness of his voice, then pulled himself together enough to reply, “Mhm.”
“Oh. Hey. Tilt your head forward for a sec?”
Shadow automatically obliged even as his mind whirred with, What? Why? He felt even more out of his depth than usual, not being able to see Sonic’s expression.
“Ah, yeah, I can, uh, see some dirt stuck to your back, too. Want me to get it for you?”
Shadow seriously considered whether or not he was having a hallucination right now. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing his mind had come up with—though certainly one of the kindest. Still a little on autopilot, he said, “Do I have to ask you really nicely?”
There was the sound of swishing water, like Sonic had moved suddenly. “Hah! Hah. Good one. No-o, just… Do you want me to?”
The buzzing under the skin of his back intensified, the ache making itself known again even stronger than before. “... Please, Sonic.”
Silence in stillness for a moment. Then, then, there was another touch of his palms, spread wide over his back, curving around the spines there. Massaging—actually massaging—tense muscles in a way that relieved the ache. It was the sweetest torture for Shadow.
When Shadow let out a breath, it came out with a low, rumbling noise of satisfaction. His eyes snapped open—he hadn’t even realised he’d closed them, much less that he would sound like that when he had been working so hard to not give anything away. Sonic’s hands paused, and Shadow wondered how much he must be rethinking his offer now. But, miraculously, then they resumed their journey down his back. Shadow gritted his teeth. He had to keep himself more under control. He couldn’t ruin this.
By the time Sonic stopped just above his tail, and carefully rinsed him off, Shadow was satisfied that he at least hadn’t further embarrassed himself. But his thoughts were still swirling with nervous energy, uncertain whether Sonic had caught on already. Couldn’t he have been granted telepathy alongside his other powers?
Sonic cleared his throat.
“That feels… a lot better,” Shadow said, turning around. “... Thanks.”
Sonic had a kind of smile on his face Shadow had never seen before—not a smirk or a grin, but one with a funny turn of his lips that made it look not quite as easy-going as usual. Shadow’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Good. Good. Happy to help!” Sonic said, his smile getting wider but not any more natural. “So… Listen…”
Was this the moment he’d point out Shadow’s tells, and let him down gently? (His hands touched so gently…)
Shadow’s heartbeat quickened, his chest feeling so tight it was like it could barely contain the beating organ.
“I… I wanna kiss you. Is that cool?” Sonic said, averting his eyes down and rubbing his nose with that funny smile still on his face.
His eyes widened, not even blinking as he stared at Sonic. This wasn’t how things had gone in his head. Was this… was this what Sonic was like when he was shy? (Still impulsive, still brave, but hesitating.)
He hadn’t moved. He needed to move. Shadow surged forward, stepping them both closer to the shore with his sheer momentum as he grabbed Sonic’s shoulders and kissed him. It was taut lips pressed to lips at first, his hands trembling on those tan shoulders, but then Sonic grabbed him back and opened his mouth up to Shadow. Shadow took his bottom lip in between his own, tasted droplets of water and Sonic, and wrapped his arms around him as overwhelming relief flooded through him. No amount of fantasising could compare to how this actually felt. He let himself make those noises he’d tried so hard to hold back, rough and throaty, and Sonic responded in turn with higher, keener sounds of his own. Shadow kissed him long enough to satisfy some of his burning desperation, and to reassure himself that this was real. Then, he moved his head away, tucked it into the crease between Sonic’s neck and his shoulder, panting lightly. It was—it was too much good to handle.
“Oh thank Chaos you felt the same way whew that could have gone badly,” Sonic said in one long exhale.
Shadow barked out a chuckle and tightened his hold before pulling back to look at him. His quills were fluffier, his cheeks redder and his pupils bigger than they were before. Falling a little bit more in love, Shadow replied, “Was it not obvious?”
“Shadow, you are the most crazily intense guy I never knew what to think. I mean, do you realise how you sound when we’re sparring? Do you do it on purpose? Like… You ‘want to see me squirm’? Seriously?”
Shadow’s eyebrows rose in surprise. That was not what he was going for, at least not intentionally. So… they were both shyer than they thought, huh? “When you offered to help clean me, were you… testing the waters with me, so to speak?”
“Um. Kinda? But it kinda just happened because… well, because I wanted to.”
“And… what else do you want?” Shadow questioned, growing more serious. Was this just physical for Sonic? Because… as much as he wanted the physical side, he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it if Sonic couldn’t return his feelings.
“What do you mean?” Sonic said, one of his hands stroking down Shadow’s arm in a way that left tingles in its wake. He toyed with his inhibitor ring, rubbing his finger in the space the ring met his fur.
Shaking his head a little, Shadow continued, “Is this just another adventure for you to experiment with, complete and move on?”
“No!” Sonic cried. “No, Shadow. You fire me up, spin me round, made me fight you Chaos knows how many times at this point, but I—I always wanna come back to you. No one else makes me feel the way you do, inspires me like you do to push myself and do what’s right. You… make me feel like a better me.”
“Sonic…” Shadow breathed, cupping his cheek. He couldn’t think of the words to say, except: “I… I love you. I… was always afraid you wouldn’t want that, wouldn’t even… know your own feelings about it in the first place if you did.”
Sonic’s mouth dropped open. His lips started to quirk up, and then—he laughed. He was laughing?! “Wait a second—you were afraid I was too emotionally closed-off? Pot calling the kettle black-and-red much?”
“You—!” Shadow tried to give him a clever retort but came up blank. “... You’re insufferable,” he muttered.
Sonic’s expression softened into a smile, and he lay his hand on top of Shadow’s. “I love you too, you idiot.”
Shadow’s head dropped, hiding the smile he couldn’t get off his face. “... Can I return the favour, Sonic? Can I… touch you?”
“By all means!”
He gave Sonic a gentle push, guiding him to walk backwards and then carefully lie down on the sand surrounding the lake, the water just tickling his thighs here. He kissed him again, draping his body over Sonic’s to get as much contact between them as possible. Everywhere they touched lit up Shadow’s senses with a crackling heat that felt like fulfilment. As he kissed Sonic, he threaded his fingers through Sonic’s spines, rubbing the base of his head, and Sonic melted. The world’s saviour sighed into his mouth, letting his limbs drop heavy for the ground to hold him up and Shadow to press him down. Sonic’s eyes were closed and his mouth slightly agape as Shadow pulled back; he’d never seen him so relaxed.
Was this… what it was going to be like now? A constant discovery of new sides of Sonic to love?
The possibilities that now lay in their future made him dizzy with joy.
It was always hard to get Sonic to stop and not think about a million other things he could be doing at any given time. But during those months of peacetime, of long conversations between them, first times, and revelations shared with friends, Shadow got to figure out more and more what did.
Touches, scratches, massages, and intimacy, they were pretty reliable. Cooking together. Finding new places in nature to admire. And spending time with the people they cared about—now often as a pair, but still often enough on their own terms, too.
Shadow got better at interpreting emotions that weren’t just cataclysm-fuelled adrenaline in Sonic. He rubbed his nose when he was embarrassed, tapped his foot when he was impatient (which was often), and clenched his fists when he was excited but trying not to show it.
Shadow felt strangely exposed when Sonic pointed out that he always went very still when he was surprised or caught off-guard, and pressed his lips into a thin line when he was annoyed, and wasn’t as good at hiding his smiles as he thought. But it was… also comforting, to be seen like that.
“Yo, Shadow,” Sonic announced as he walked through the door of Shadow’s home and made his way to where Shadow was sitting on the sofa. “Sorry, I know I said I would be here earlier, but Amy said she’d lost one of the baby Flickies she’d been taking care of and was worried it had gotten hurt, and—”
“It’s fine. I understand how important your woodland animal-saving is.”
“Ehehe, well…” Sonic slotted himself into Shadow’s side and kissed his cheek. “Thankfully, it was okay, it had just flown up to a high tree and got too scared to fly back down. Amy gave a great speech, told it to be brave, that we’d be there to catch it, and it managed to make it back down on its own!”
“Enthralling, truly,” Shadow replied, winding an arm around Sonic.
“It really was,” Sonic said with a grin. “But now I want this to be your evening. What does the Ultimate Life Form have in mind?”
Shadow pulled Sonic closer to his side, felt that familiar wash of comfort from the contact. “I want…”
“What?”
“I… want,” Shadow asserted and took Sonic’s lips with his own, then peppered them on his cheek and down his neck.
“Oh, yeah, I can get behind that,” Sonic sighed contentedly.
Shadow smirked. One of his favourite new discoveries was how well he could tap into the flirty version of himself that had only existed in Sonic’s head before they got together.
“Is that so? Go on, then.”
He waited for that moment of recognition, and—there it was. That spark in his eyes that let him know he wanted this, too.
At least not everything he’d fantasised about ended up completely different.