Chapter Text
You are now watching The Cipher Show!
Featuring: Bill Cipher, Scalene Cipher, and Euclid Cipher.
Today's episode is Family.
Camera pans to the Ciphers standing in the middle of their cozy living room. Bill is between his 2 parents
SCALENE: This family means the world to me! Euclid, my husband, works hard to make ends meet for us. Bill, our child, is our pride and joy!
EUCLID wraps an arm around BILL who has a sheepish smile on his face
EUCLID: Bill is a smart kid, one day he’ll be the smartest triangle in Euclydia!
BILL: Thanks dad! Thanks mom! You guys are the best parents anyone could ask for! I love you guys.
SCALENE AND EUCLID (in unison): We love you too, Billy!
Everything slowly fades to black.
The opacity lowers, the Ciphers are now eating at the dinner table.
BILL is playing with his food and SCALENE is not too happy about that.
SCALENE: Billy, we don’t play with our food.
BILL: I’m sorry mom.
EUCLID (facing the camera): Bill’s kinda stubborn. He doesn’t like to follow the rules.
SCALENE: Would you like to be reminded of the rules, Bill?
BILL: Yes, please.
SCALENE: There are several rules we have to follow in order to live peacefully in this household but also not to get in trouble with other Euclydians!
Camera pans to EUCLID:
EUCLID: Rule number one! No shoes inside of the house!
Camera pans to SCALENE:
SCALENE: Rule number two! Always be polite and respectful.
EUCLID: But don’t hesitate to give anyone the finger if they treat you like an ant! Am I right?
Laughing track plays.
SCALENE: Here’s one very important rule now… do not talk about the third dimension.
BILL: But why? I can see it.
SCALENE: We know, Billy. But it is strictly forbidden!
BILL: But, mooom! I just want you guys to understand! There’s stars and the third dimension —
AD BREAK.
[Somber music starts playing.
Do you have a loved one who was born with a mutation? Do they see things no one else can see? Do you wish… they were normal?
Upbeat music starts playing.
WELL, PEOPLE I GOT A CURE JUST FOR YA!
I PRESENT TO YOU, THE TRIDIMENSIO-BLOCK! 3 SIPS A DAY KEEPS THE VISIONS AWAY!
YOUR LOVED ONE WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL SOONER THAN YOU THINK! They will never talk about seeing “the stars” ever again!
BUY TRIDIMENSIO-BLOCK!
This ad was brought to you by Euclydia’s health department.
2-9-12-12 3-9-16-8-5-18 8-1-19 20-18-21-12-25 12-15-19-20 8-9-19 13-9-14-4. 1-12-15-14-5 9-14 20-8-5-18-1-16-18-9-19-13 6-15-18 20-8-5 6-9-18-19-20 20-9-13-5 9-14 6-15-18-5-22-5-18 20-8-5 16-1-9-14-6-21-12 13-5-13-15-18-9-5-19 15-6 5-21-3-12-21-4-9-1 8-9-19 14-1-20-9-22-5 4-9-13-5-14-19-9-15-14 20-8-1-20 8-5 8-1-4 2-21-18-9-5-4 12-15-14-7 1-7-15 1-18-5 19-20-1-18-20-9-14-7 20-15 3-12-1-23 20-8-5-9-18 23-1-25 15-21-20 20-8-5 19-3-18-5-1-13-19 20-8-5 3-18-9-5-19 8-5 3-1-14’20 19-20-15-16 8-5-1-18-9-14-7 20-8-5-13 20-8-5 19-13-5-12-12 15-6 2-21-18-14-20 6-12-5-19-8 1-14-4 19-20-1-20-9-3 2-12-15-15-4 5-22-5-18-25-23-8-5-18-5
Back to the show!]
SCALENE and EUCLID are sitting down. They look a bit tired. BILL is nowhere to be seen.
EUCLID: We just put Bill to sleep…
SCALENE: He got a bit too agitated, we told him to take his medication.
EUCLID: 3 sips of TriDimensio-block keeps the visions away! Like the doctor said. Bill gets real fussy and refuses to take his medicine unless he drinks it through a silly straw.
EUCLID and SCALENE laugh softly in unison.
SCALENE: We love Bill, he’s our only child and means the world to us.
EUCLID: But he gets us in trouble, constantly. We had to pay 3 fines in the past 6 months because he talked about that damn dimension.
SCALENE: He’s temporarily suspended from school because he talked about the third dimension to a group of kids at recess.
EUCLID: The school board is run by triacontagons, they have no mercy. They threatened to permanently expel Bill from school!
SCALENE sighed.
EUCLID: We’re just triangles in a world run by circles. It’s tough out here for us as it is and Bill’s keeps fooling around.
SCALENE: Euclid… calm down.
EUCLID: Look, I’m just worried about Bill. Don’t you see him murmuring to himself sometimes?
SCALENE: I do, but…
EUCLID: Something’s going on with him. I fear that one day he’ll step too far out of line and someone will get hurt because of it!
SCALENE: Euclid… he would never hurt us, or anyone, for that matter. Bill is fine.
SOHDVH KHOS PH.
L’P QRW ILQH.
The scene switches to BILL, who is not asleep. He has been in his room this entire time, listening to his parents.
BILL has a sad look on his face.
BILL: No one even tries to understand me! I like mom and dad but they don’t listen to me! TriDimensio-block HURTS! And it makes my vision all blurry.
BILL sits at his desk. Numerous sheets of paper lay before him. It appears he’s been doodling some kind of…plan?
BILL: I’ve been hiding my work from mom and dad. I’m trying to come up with a big plan to make everyone in Euclydia see the stars! I’ve scrapped a lot of my ideas… because according to my calculations, it would just end up killing everyone.
BILL scribbles on his paper… he seems content, overjoyed even.
BILL: Ah ha! I think I did it! I’ve found a way to show everyone the stars with 0 casualties!
BILL proudly shows the plan he made to the camera.
BILL: I’m gonna have so many friends! I hope the hexagons will let me hang out with them, they’re so cool! People will love me! Dad won’t be scared of me anymore.
BILL gets up from his chair and hides his plan under his bed.
BILL: Mom and Dad can’t find out about this. This has to be a surprise.
BILL tucks himself into bed. He has a hopeful expression on his face, but it turns uneasy.
BILL: I’m not a bad person, right? Sure, there’s a mini-me inside my head that’s always telling me to do bad things but I just ignore it.
BILL: The truth is, living here kinda sucks… flat people with flat dreams. I have so much potential but they’re holding me back! They won’t let me help them see there’s so much more.
BILL: But now that I’ve come up with the perfect plan, the insults and dirty looks will finally stop. I can’t wait. Goodnight.
BILL drifts off to sleep, hoping to show the stars to his people the next morning.
NEXT EPISODE! Bill finally puts his plan into motion and hyhubwklqj zhqw devroxwhob zurqj. Hyhubrqh glhg. Eloo zdv fryhuhg lq eorrg. Kh frxogq’w vdyh dqbrqh. Wkh odvw olylqj Hxfolghdq.
What? I said Bill finally puts his plan into motion and everything goes great. The people of Euclydia cheer for him and he is declared a genius. That’s what happened.
SEE YOU NEXT EPISODE!