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“Damn.”
“What’s wrong, babe?” Ed looked up from his phone to see Stede frowning down at his own. They were sitting on the couch, Ed’s legs thrown over Stede’s lap, the TV playing something mindless as they engaged in a bit of parallel play on their phones.
“I’m trying to find our confirmation for the art show tomorrow but it’s not here. I know I got the tickets!”
“‘s fine, love, give it here.” Ed made grabby hands towards Stede’s phone. Stede huffed and handed it over.
Ed decided to start simply. “Con-fir-ma-tion,” he sounded out as he typed.
“Oh, Ed, honestly! You don’t think that occurred to me?”
“You probably stuck it in one of your million folders and forgot. And since you never delete anything, there’s a fuckton of digital trash in here. Fresh set of eyes, mate, that’s all.” He made a kissy noise in Stede’s direction.
He scrolled through the results, which included a good number of food delivery confirmations. Hmmm. Perhaps they should start cooking at home more. Ed continued scrolling, looking for a notification from Higgins Art Gallery, when suddenly his eyes landed on something. Something he probably shouldn’t be looking at.
Ed froze.
“Well, did you find it?” Stede asked.
“Uhhh…”
Stede saw how wide Ed’s eyes were (wider than usual, how was it physically possible?!). What could possibly have given him such a shock? Unless…no. Oh no.
Stede froze.
Ed had, completely unintentionally, spotted an email about an order confirmation. Only it wasn’t from the Higgins Art Gallery. It was from Forever Yours Jewelers. The preview lines of the email read “Congratulations! Your order of one (1) custom engagement ring has been shipped…” It was dated three weeks ago. A few emails down was their ticket purchase for the art gallery.
“Oh, uh, here it is!” Ed quickly opened the email from the gallery and handed the phone back to Stede.
“Right, well done, darling. Thank you,” Stede said.
“Mmm-hmm,” Ed replied, turning his attention back to his own phone. Stede stared at his like it held the answers to all the mysteries of the universe.
The show they were watching began to autoplay the next episode, but neither were focused on it, least of all Ed. An engagement ring. An engagement ring had been shipped to their house three weeks ago, which meant it was here. HERE. In the very house where Ed sat, with the love of his life, watching crappy TV after mediocre takeout. Somewhere, amidst the two bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths, study, living room, and kitchen, was a ring. Somewhere in these 2,000 square feet, Stede had squirreled away a small, deceptively simple thing. Ed smiled at that. Then he smiled bigger. And then he started giggling.
Stede looked over at him. Their eyes met, and Stede began giggling too. Once they started, they couldn’t stop.
“Why are we laughing?” Stede asked.
“I don’t know!” Ed replied, wiping his eyes.
“But you DO know!” Stede cried, which only made them both laugh harder.
Ed knew. Stede knew that Ed knew. Ed knew that Stede knew that he knew. So finally, Ed broke.
“Well is it fuckin’ HERE?” he asked, gesturing in a broad swoop of his arm to indicate the house.
Stede opened his mouth and then closed it. He nodded.
“And it’s hidden really well, isn’t it?”
Stede nodded again.
“What’ll ya give me if I find it?” Ed nudged Stede’s leg playfully with his foot.
Stede rolled his eyes affectionately. “Well I think that should be obvious, dear.”
“Oh! Can we play Hot and Cold and see if I can find it?”
“Edward! Come on now. You can’t seriously mean that.”
“What?! I think it sounds fun.” Ed moved to sit upright next to Stede. He took his hands in his own and gazed into Stede’s eyes. “Besides, I know you. You’ve got it stashed away and you’re probably driving yourself mad coming up with the perfect plan to spring it on me. So what if we just took that stress away and had a bit of fun with it?” He leaned his forehead against Stede’s.
Stede sighed but smiled. “You know me too well. Nothing has seemed grand enough or special enough. Lucius won’t let me run any more ideas by him because he says I could just chuck it at your head and you’d say yes.”
“He’s not wrong, babe. It’s no big secret. We’ve talked about it. We’re ready. We’ve got the kids’ blessing. Our friends probably have a pool goin’, for fuck’s sake. All that’s left is to just…fuckin’ do it. But I do appreciate the thought you’ve clearly put into it.” Ed kissed him.
“Okay, well, since it seems the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose there’s no harm in having a little fun with it.”
“Yes!” Ed pumped his fist in the air. “Can I pick the room we start with?”
“Yes, that seems fair.”
Ed jumped up and started making his way to the powder room off the living room. Stede bolted after him.
“Oh really now, I wouldn’t hide it in a bathr--” Stede stopped himself.
“Ah ha! You’ve just eliminated two and a half rooms! Besides, I didn’t think it was in here, just needed a piss.” He gave Stede a peck on the cheek as he closed the door with a wink.
“You’re insufferable, Edward!” Stede called through the door.
“You love it!”
“Yes, I do,” Stede whispered, leaning against the door.
***
Ed decided to wait until the weekend to begin what he now thought of as his treasure hunt. After all, Stede had been in suspense for weeks, so it only seemed right that Ed build a little anticipation as well. He agreed that there would be no snooping on his own, and Stede had agreed that he would not move the quarry from its current hiding spot. If Ed found it on the first try, so be it.
They had spent a lovely day out with Stede’s children and had grabbed dinner at Roach’s Diner on their way home. Now it was time for the games to begin.
“Alright, so. Hot or cold?” Ed stood with his hands on his hips in the middle of the living room.
Stede stared at him.
“Well, which is it, babe?”
“I think you have to start moving before I can give an answer. You’re just sort of…neutral, standing there.”
“Right. Here I go.” Ed took a few steps towards the bookcase.
“Cold.”
Ed turned around and began to make his way towards the kitchen.
“Warmer. Wait. Colder.”
“How can I be warmer and colder?”
“You were warmer just there,” Stede pointed at the hallway threshold Ed had passed on his way to the kitchen. “But then you got colder.”
“Got it.” Ed started to make his way down the hallway.
“Warmer,” Stede said, as Ed approached the study. He stepped inside the room.
“Cold. Antarctica.”
Ed rolled his eyes and stepped back into the hallway.
“Warmer. Temperate, you might say.”
Ed continued down the hallway towards the guest room.
“Warmer. Getting downright toasty! Oh no, wait, you’ve gone cold again,” Stede said as Ed entered the guest room. Ed could see where this was going. He made straight for their bedroom.
“Oh yes, it’s getting very warm indeed. And humid, my gosh, it’s unbearable!”
Ed stopped a few steps into the bedroom and turned to face Stede, brow furrowed. “Humid?! That’s not a thing.”
“Edward, this is very stupid. You already know it’s in here! Why don’t I just give it to you?”
“No! You know I never back down from a challenge!”
“Alright, dear, you’re right. While this room might be warm, I suppose your location within the room is in fact rather chilly.”
“That’s the spirit!” Ed walked over to Stede’s nightstand.
“You might as well put on a scarf and gloves.”
Ed walked around the bed to his own nightstand. “And maybe a hat!”
As Ed crossed the room to their closet, Stede exclaimed, “Oh, temps are rising a bit! Getting warmer!”
Ed stepped inside, eyes darting around the closet that Stede had meticulously designed and organized.
“Yes, it’s a real scorcher in here,” Stede whispered in his ear, standing right behind him, placing his arms around Ed’s waist.
Ed leaned back into the touch. Somewhere in here was his engagement ring, a ring that Stede had no doubt designed himself and spent ages agonizing over before committing to ordering it. He was so close to winning this little game he’d started, but really, hadn’t he already won? He had Stede, a man who wanted him just as he was. The toughness, the softness, the moods, the eccentricities. Stede showed him every day (and every night, and twice on Sundays) how much he wanted Ed.
“Babe.”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t think I wanna play anymore.”
“I thought you never back down from a challenge,” Stede murmured into Ed’s neck. “Besides, you’re so close to winning your prize.”
Ed twisted his body to turn around in Stede’s arms. “Already have my prize.”
“Oh, Edward,” Stede whispered, touching their foreheads together.
“‘m serious. I don’t need anythin’ grand. But I don’t want to find it. I want to be able to say yes. And I can’t do that if I take away the question.” Ed’s eyes were filling with tears. Stede kissed him at the corner of each of his eyes.
“Whatever you want, my darling. Now, since we’ve established that you are indeed very…hot. What say we get out of these clothes and into our nice cool sheets? Hmm?”
Ed had never moved so fast in his life.
***
Soft morning light streamed in through the sheer curtains covering the windows. Ed slowly blinked awake and rolled over onto his side to find Stede staring at him, with an absolutely ridiculous grin on his face.
“You watchin’ me sleep, you creeper?”
“Yes, you gorgeous man. I’ve been willing you to wake up with the power of my mind.” Stede waggled his brows.
“Oh, why’s that?” Ed yawned and stretched.
“I have something important to ask you.”
Ed felt his stomach do a little flip and he sat up, settling his back straight against the headboard. “Right, okay, I’m up. Ask away.”
“Edward Teach…”
“Yes, Stede Bonnet.” Ed quirked a brow, staring into Stede’s lovely hazel eyes.
“Would you…prefer pancakes or waffles?”
“Yes! Wait. What?!”
“Pancakes or waffles? This is serious business.”
“Dickfuck, no it’s not!” Ed lunged for Stede but the blonde was too fast. Stede was out of bed in a flash, donning his gold robe and tossing Ed’s blue velvet one to him.
“Last one to the kitchen does the dishes!” Stede sing-songed over his shoulder.
Ed gave chase; as he rounded the corner to enter the kitchen, all the breath left his body. Every surface was covered in flowers. And there, sitting in the middle of the kitchen table, surrounded by bouquets of roses, was a small black velvet box.
Stede approached Ed’s side and took his hand. He turned Ed to face him, and got down on one knee.
“No matter how much we both might have been expecting this, I still wanted it to be special.” His voice broke a bit, but he continued. “I don’t know if I’ve succeeded in that regard. But I do know that I’m done waiting. Edward Teach, will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”
Ed couldn’t hold back the tears, nor could he hold back the answer that had been on the tip of his tongue since the day he’d met Stede, if he was honest with himself.
“Yes. Yes, you absolute lunatic, I will marry you.” He pulled Stede up into a fierce hug. “Gonna marry the fuck out of you.”
“Well thank heavens for that.” Stede pulled Ed’s face in for a tender kiss.
“How did you manage this? All the flowers?”
“Well let’s just say I hope Lucius thoroughly enjoys his extra week of paid vacation that he extorted out of me in exchange for one early morning of playing flower delivery man.” Stede rolled his eyes.
“Stede.”
“Yes, darling?”
“I still haven’t seen the ring.”
“Oh god!” Stede lunged for the box on the table. He opened it, and frowned.
“Something wrong?”
“Well, this is a lovely ring, but it’s not yours!”
“What?”
“It’s not yours! It’s not the one I designed! I don’t understand! I know it was the right ring when it arrived, I checked. But this is definitely not your ring.” Stede took the ring out of the box and held it up. It was a lovely band of soft brushed gold, beset with a line of aquamarine stones.
“Oh. Yeah. That’s ‘cause it’s yours.” Ed casually pulled another box from the pocket of his robe and opened it. “This one’s mine.”
Stede stared as Ed placed the white gold and ruby band Stede had painstakingly designed onto the ring finger of his left hand. He held it up and wiggled his fingers. “How’s it look?”
“But--wha--how--” Stede sputtered.
“Turns out I can’t back down from a challenge. Or an opportunity for a fuckery. I sussed out your hidin’ spot after you fell asleep. I’ve had this for weeks, was jus’ waitin’ for the perfect opportunity. So…I made the switch.” Ed gulped. “You’re not mad, are you?”
Stede was silent for a moment, before saying, “Edward, the only thing I’m mad about, is you.” Stede slipped the gold ring on his finger and pulled his boyf--fiance! in for a hug.
Stede stroked Ed’s hair and hummed to himself. “So, we both had rings just sitting here in the house, and neither of us could figure out how to propose?”
“Seems that way, love.”
“Edward.”
“Yes, Stede?”
“I think we might both be idiots.”
And there they stood in their kitchen, ring fingers newly bejeweled, deeply in love, giggling like a couple of maniacs.