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“There’s a million songs in my head
But you’ll always be my number one”
- Number 1, Nico Santos
“Tim, this is just awful !”
The boy in question barely managed to close his laptop and chuck it to the other side of the couch before Dick landed in his lap with a loud groan. It was a Friday afternoon, which meant both Dick and Jason were at the manor to spend the weekend. This weekend was special because it was Bruce’s birthday.
Surprisingly, it had been Jason who reminded everyone a month in advance to keep the weekend free and to “get your sorry asses to the fucking manor or I will let Alfie beat the crap out of you with his cookbook collection.” Tim smiled at that memory. He’d never say it out loud, but he was grateful that the older man had been dosed with cuddle pollen. Somehow, that had been the magic key to getting B and Jay to talk things out. Those emotionally constipated idiots .
“What’s awful, Dick?” Tim raised an eyebrow at the man sprawled across his lap.
“Ugh, I still don’t know what to give Bruce for his birthday, and his birthday is tomorrow! Tomorrow !”
Dick’s whining caused Jason to look up from his book with a murderous expression - the one that warned them to keep quiet if they still wanted their tongue by the end of the evening. Jason was sitting in the loveseat in the corner with a full view of the couch and entranceway. It was his favorite spot to read because he liked the fireplace next to him and being able to hear Alfred rummaging in the kitchen.
Chewing his lip, Tim looked down at Dick and shrugged. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t have anything yet either. But I’m also very bad with birthdays and gifts, or so I’m told.”
“Jaybird, what did you get B?” Dick turned towards Jason with pleading eyes. “What do you give a billionaire who already has everything ? Usually, there are one or two things he mentions he needs, but this year there’s just... nothing. Nothing !”
“I- It pains me to admit I don’t know what to get him either. At this point, I’m willing to just tie a bow around myself and call it a present.”
Tim felt Dick deflate before sliding onto the floor with a loud, theatrical sigh. Jason rolled his eyes and snapped his book shut.
“Well, we still have-” Tim paused, looking at the clock hanging on the wall in front of him, “three hours until most shops close. Bruce won’t be home until six, so we have three hours to buy something and four to make sure he doesn’t find out.”
Both Dick and Jason looked at him with a deadpan stare before Dick muttered, “Seeing as he’s a paranoid bastard, the latter will be the hardest part.”
“Let’s start brainstorming, then,” Jason said with a huff.
Nodding, Tim opened his laptop again and perched it on one of his legs. This better work.
An hour and a half later, Alfred walked into the room to find all three of them looking like zombies. After Dick explained the situation to him, he only laughed and said, “Then make Master Bruce a birthday dinner.”
Dick could’ve kissed Alfred on the face for that idea. In no time, they’d created a semblance of a plan. Alfred was going to visit a museum with Bruce tomorrow afternoon so they could make the dinner. Their semi grandfather was willing to let them use everything in his kitchen on the condition that Tim and himself would only help with preparations and not do any of the cooking.
Usually, Dick would argue that he wasn’t as hopeless in the kitchen as Tim and Bruce and therefore deserved more kitchen privileges, but right now he didn’t care. The euphoria of finally having a good idea for Bruce’s birthday, combined with the fact that Alfred of all people gave them the green light to use the kitchen, was enough to keep him silent.
They spent the next few minutes arguing about what to make. Jason insisted on cooking a five-course meal that could’ve come out of one of those ridiculously overpriced fancy restaurants. In the end, Tim convinced Jay to make a three-course Italian dinner. That couldn’t go that wrong, could it?
“Alright, that’s decided then. Carpaccio first, then lasagna, and tiramisu for dessert.” Dick grinned excitedly.
Jason nodded contently and told Tim to fetch a notepad and pen so they could make a quick grocery list. This way, they wouldn’t be arguing like children once they were at the store.
The list was quickly made, and before Dick could even open his mouth to tell them he’d drive, Jason had already yanked the car keys out of his hand.
“Fuck no , Dickhead. I do not want to die today.”
“But Little Wing, I can drive just fine!” he protested dramatically. “Right, Tim?”
The hopeful look he sent his youngest brother didn’t have its intended impact, as Tim answered with a cheeky grin. “You drive as if Wally just sent you a picture of himself in lingerie .”
“What is that supposed to mean?!”
Jason barked out a laugh. “What Timbo’s trying to say is that you drive like a man who’s been cockblocked for most of his life and finally gets the chance to wet his dick.”
Dick immediately felt his face grow red and jumped at Jason, who was still seated in the loveseat. “You brat !”
He playfully wrestled Jason to the ground and ruffled his hair more times than strictly necessary before trapping him in a very tight, inescapable hug. Glancing at Tim, who was busy laughing his ass off, he jokingly threatened the youngest, “Just you wait. If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open tonight, Baby Bird.”
“I’ll be fine. With your old and creaking joints, I’ll hear you from a mile away,” Tim snarked with an innocent look on his face.
Shoving Jason to the side, Dick pounced on Tim, tickling both his sides.
“So, you are ticklish.” He smirked at the youngest evilly before resuming his tickling with more vigor, causing Tim to shriek.
Dick only stopped when he heard someone clearing their throat behind them. Somehow Jason had snuck away to put on his shoes and grab one of his leather jackets. Now he was standing behind them, arms crossed, with the car keys dangling from his fingers.
“Get up and ready. I am leaving in five minutes, with or without you fuckers.”
Rolling his eyes at Jay’s seriousness, Dick got off Tim and padded toward the hallway where their shoe rack was. He grabbed a pair of his worn sneakers along with one of Tim’s before walking back to the sitting room.
As he set Tim’s shoes down next to him, the boy sent Dick a blinding smile with an enthusiastic thank you. With a ruffle of Tim’s hair, Dick sat down next to the youngest on the couch and spoke, “No problem, Baby Bird.”
Not even two minutes later, the three of them were in one of Bruce’s less flashy cars, on their way to the grocery store. As Jason turned off the manor’s driveway, Dick connected his phone to the car and started to blast some of the newest pop hits, earning groans from both his brothers.
It was just a simple grocery run. What could go wrong? Everything , as it turned out.
Jason was on the verge of ripping his own hair out and shooting up the store if things didn’t calm the fuck down. And by " things ”, he meant those pesky nuisances he’d been calling his brothers.
The second they’d entered the store, Dick had somehow roped Tim into a race to see who could find the next item on Jason’s list the fastest. That game came to an abrupt halt when Tim slipped rounding a corner, causing the glass bottle of milk he was holding to shatter. Thank fuck he didn’t hurt himself on any of the shards, but it did send Baby Bird into a panic, which in turn made Dick look like a kicked puppy.
Now, Tim had resorted to clinging to Jason, unwilling to leave his side, and started commenting on everything Jason put in their cart. “That flour company once had a scandal because they also sold cocaine.” “Did you know that many fair-trade cocoa certificates are just a scam?” “I once heard that this particular type of tomato heightens the risk of cancer.”
If they hadn’t been in a public space, Jason would have found a creative way to shut him up. At least Tim was staying close and not causing too much chaos. Dick, on the other hand, was darting to and from their cart, loading it up with all the crap Alfie would never buy.
“For fuck’s sake, Dickwing. Don’t fucking put this shit into our cart. We don’t even fucking need Fruit Loops!” Jason eventually snapped at his older brother.
“Oh, come on, Jaybird! I’m almost out of them, and we’re at the store anyway!”
Biting back a sneer, Jason huffed, “Fine, but you pay for it.”
With a happy and satisfied grin on his face, Dick bounced around the cart to hug Jason. He was really going to kill this idiot sooner or later.
As they were almost done with their shopping, Jason felt Tim tug on the sleeve of his jacket. Looking down at the boy in question, he saw Tim gnawing on his lip, quietly mumbling something nervously.
“You’re gonna have to speak up, Timmers. Can’t hear you if you don’t.”
“Can I- can I buy this bar of chocolate? I’ll pay for it myself, I promise! It’s Alfred-approved too. I just thought that if Dick is allowed to, maybe I can too? That doesn’t mean I should have the same privileges as Dick. I understand if you don’t want me to. Sorry, I’ll put the bar back. I wasn’t thinking right.”
Jason stood there frozen for a second before Tim's rambling registered. When Tim turned around, chocolate bar in hand, to put it back, Jason firmly grasped his shoulders and pulled him back.
“Whoa, slow down there, Baby Bird. No need to put your chocolate back. Just put it in the cart, alright?”
He was met with eyes as wide as saucers. “Really? I promise I’ll pay for it myself.”
“Just put it in, Timtam. Hell, I’ll even pay for it. Don’t work yourself up over such a question next time. If Dick is allowed to do something, why wouldn’t you be too?”
Tim sputtered for a second. “Dick is your brother , I’m-”
Before the younger boy could finish the sentence, Jason cut him off. “You are too. Now put the bar of chocolate in the fucking cart before I tell Dick you don’t want him to be your older brother.”
It was safe to say that Tim had never shut up and obeyed that fast before.
Later that evening, just before they started their patrols, the three boys sat around the kitchen table to work out the final details of their plan. Leaning back, Jason smiled at Tim. The boy was currently sitting in front of him, eating his chocolate with a big grin on his face. Even Jason couldn’t deny how cute it was.
“Alfred will keep B busy from three to six. That should give us enough time to prepare everything, right?” Dick shot him a questioning look.
Jason had been officially deemed head chef for this operation, making him the main decision-maker. With a firm nod, he answered his brother’s question before continuing. “I’ll tell you everything you have to do tomorrow. With the three of us, it shouldn’t be that much of a race against time.”
“I’ve been watching a few videos on basic kitchen skills,” Tim said with a proud grin.
“That’s great, Baby Bird!” Dick enthusiastically ruffled the boy’s hair.
Jason could practically feel his heart softening for Tim. It mostly pissed him off because he was the Hood , for fuck’s sake. He wasn’t here to coo at little kids. On the other hand, he’d always wanted to be a big brother, and with the Replacement acting almost childlike sometimes, it was hard not to indulge.
“You know, Jaybird, I was surprised when you paid the bill for all of us without us even asking.” Dick sent him a smile, both teasing and appreciative.
Furrowing his brows, Jason looked at his older brother before barking out a laugh. “Oh, I didn’t pay. Bruce did.”
“What?”
“ Jason !”
The confused look on Tim’s face and the outraged one on Dick’s were hilarious. Jason shrugged before replying, “To be fair, I snatched one of B’s cards weeks ago mainly to see how long it’d take him to notice. He still hasn’t, so until then, I’m only using that one for all my purchases.”
Dick immediately burst into laughter before freezing. “Oh my god, we made Bruce pay for his own birthday present.”
The next day, Tim had to scold himself multiple times to stop being so jittery. The last thing he wanted was for Bruce to get wind of what they were planning. Up until now, everything had gone great.
At breakfast, they’d all sung "Happy Birthday" and eaten the cake Alfie had made for Bruce. Then they’d spent the whole morning playing games and hanging out before going for a walk and lunch. After getting back home, Alfred had immediately herded Bruce to his room and told him to get ready for the museum they’d be visiting.
At first, Bruce was definitely hesitant and asked Dick, Jason, and Tim about a million times if they really didn’t want to join. Before any of them could say something suspicious, Dick stepped in and told Bruce that they really wanted him to spend some time alone with his pseudo-father because they knew that Alfred would appreciate it. That had been enough to get Bruce going without any further questions.
Now, standing in the kitchen, Tim was looking at Jason as his older brother expertly gave him and Dick instructions to start preparing. Jason had made Tim the chief cutter and told him to cut all the veggies in very specific ways. Dick had been put in charge of the tiramisu with Jason’s supervision, of course.
The cooking itself went surprisingly well, if you asked Tim. This was probably due to all three of them taking it equally seriously. It was a nice show of teamwork, which left Tim feeling exhausted but accomplished once the table was set and the food was served.
“Ten minutes until they’re back. This was more stressful than expected,” Dick laughed as he flung his now-dirty apron into the corner of the kitchen.
“You better get rid of that once Alfie is back, Dickhead, or else he’s going to put you on laundry duty the next time you visit.”
Dick waved his hand nonchalantly. “Yes, yes, Little Wing. Don’t you worry about it.”
“I’m honestly surprised at how well this went. You have really good leadership skills, Jason,” Tim quietly told his brother.
Jason ducked his head at the praise before sending Tim a genuine smile. “Thanks, Baby Bird. I’d still not let you near any stove, but you can help me again any day.”
Tim immediately felt himself beaming up at Jason, causing the older to pat his back. Busying themselves by cleaning the kitchen to perfection, they all tried to distract themselves from their nervousness.
At some point, Dick broke the silence by huffing, “I honestly feel like we’re about to tell B that we crashed his favorite car. This is awful .”
Tim heard himself hum noncommittally in response, unlike Jason, who just stayed silent. They all practically jumped in fright when they heard the front door open and then rushed to the dining room.
“Alfred, you really don’t have to cook. We can just order in. See it as my thank you for this wonderful afternoon,” Tim heard Bruce tell the butler.
“Well, Master Bruce, I hardly think it is necessary to order in,” Alfred replied just before both men entered the dining room.
At the sight of a table filled with copious amounts of food - Jason had, after all, insisted on making more than enough - Bruce froze .
“Happy birthday, Dad,” Dick said, grinning from ear to ear.
Jason nervously ran a hand through his hair at the lack of reaction. “I hope you like it. We made carpaccio, lasagna, and tiramisu.”
Tim stood right between his brothers, nervously fidgeting with the string of his hoodie. Bruce had yet to react, and at this point, Tim was getting pretty uneasy. Maybe B really didn’t like it?
Before Tim could wallow more in those negative thoughts, he heard Dick exclaim, almost flabbergasted, “B, are you crying ?”
Zeroing in on Bruce’s eyes, Tim felt a wave of shock course through him. Bruce’s eyes were indeed very watery, and three tears ran down his cheeks. Holy shit . The Batman was crying because they had cooked him a birthday meal.
Dick and Jason rapidly walked over to Bruce in quick succession before engulfing the man in a tight hug. “Thank you, boys,” Tim heard Bruce rasp out before reciprocating the hug.
This moment only lasted a few seconds until Bruce looked up and right at Tim. Freezing in his place, Tim suddenly felt like a stranger who shouldn’t be intruding. That was until Bruce opened one of his arms further and spoke. “Come here, Tim.”
Without wasting a moment, Tim practically dashed into the man’s arms too, relishing the feeling of this particular hug. Yeah, now, he was sure. This was what family should be like.
“Thank you for this, boys. I love you all,” Bruce rumbled, and Tim was very damn glad that nobody saw the tears falling from his eyes.