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Patrick can't necessarily say that he likes children- they're loud, noisy, make a mess, and most of all, they're work.
So when Patrick's boyfriend calls him at 10 in the morning on a Saturday (a day when Patrick usually sleeps in), greeting him with "Yo, wanna come over and help me watch this fuckin' baby?", Patrick is less than thrilled.
"Why would you call your niece... okay, fuck, when do you want me to come over?" Patrick rubs his eyes, sitting up in his bed. He can already hear loud wailing coming from Pete's side of the phone, and he's already missing his warm bed. He's never met Pete's sister, nor has he ever met Pete's niece- not that there's much to meet, since she's only 4 months old.
"Now? I can make some toaster strudels. I know you love those" Pete sing-songs, and Patrick smiles just a little without meaning to. Yeah, he loves toaster strudels.
"Alright, sounds like a plan. I'll meet you in a couple of minutes, alright? I have to shower and so on..." He trails off, and he already can anticipate one of Pete's unnecessary remarks before he even makes it. "Aw, without me? Alright, have fun" There it is. "Love you" Pete adds quickly, probably sensing that Patrick's not really eager to be babysitting.
"I love you too" Patrick replies back, before hanging up, and throwing his phone on the bed. So much for sleeping in.
Patrick really doesn't like kids, okay?! But when he walks up to Pete's house, Pete's already bouncing a little baby wrapped in a pink blanket in his arms, whispering something Patrick can't hear to her, it's pretty cute, not going to lie. Pete's hair is still messed up, and it's just starting to get unruly since he hasn't straightened it since yesterday, and he's wearing a jacket and his baby blue pajamas, and Patrick can't help imagining, just for a second, Pete holding their child. It's sort of a frightening thought that Patrick pushes out of his head the second it makes its way in there, but still... it wouldn't be so bad, would it?
"Patrick! You're here!" Pete looks up from the baby in his arm, and he stretches one arm out to hug Patrick- but Patrick's eyes widen; he's almost fairly certain that you shouldn't hold a baby with one arm loosely. "Pete! Be careful, give it to me" He holds his arms out, as Pete scrunches his nose up "It?! Her name is Violet, thank you very much. I thought you didn't like kids, Tricky" Pete grins at Patrick, as Patrick crosses his arms "There's a difference between not liking kids and wishing death upon them"
The baby, from what Patrick can see, has deep brown eyes and dark skin that resembles that of Pete's mom. She's mostly quiet in Pete's arms, which is impressive, because Pete is hardly ever calm and collected. But here Pete is, keeping this baby placid and content.
Pete shrugs in response to Patrick's comment, and clutches the quiet baby closer to his body as he opens his front door. "She's being quiet now, but she wouldn't stop crying 2 minutes ago. All we have to do is just, like, feed her and change her, but she's just so fucking adorable that I just wanna carry her around in my arms all day, you know? Kinda like I wanna do with you" Pete glances at Patrick for a moment, grinning devilishly "Just carry you in my arms all day, cause you're my baby, and I love you"
Patrick just rolls his eyes "You're so creepy, oh my god" But once Patrick finishes his sentence, the second that Pete and Patrick sit on the couch, the baby in Pete's arms starts making soft, cooing noises, and the noise startles Patrick so much that he actually flinches a little, despite the fact that she's making softer noises. Pete looks down, with a look on his face that reads "Not again!" and he starts speaking softly, standing up to rock her. "She doesn't like when I sit, I guess. Like, she's only calm if I walk her around in circles" He mutters "So fuckin' annoying" Patrick only gives him a sympathetic smile "The joys of children, huh?"
"Shhhh, please don't cry. I'll read you some more of my poetry, baby. Do you wanna hear my poetry?" Pete whispers to Violet, and Patrick feels really bad for laughing when Violet starts crying, loud. Pete just sighs, shaking his head as he paces around the living room. "Rick, not even Violet wants to hear my poetry. And she doesn't even understand it!"
"I always want to hear your poetry, you know that. And here, let me help. You go get the toaster strudels" Patrick stretches his arms out to hold Violet, and Pete nods, carefully placing the crying baby in Patrick's arms. They're both making faces at how loud she's crying, how suddenly she went from being quiet to flat out sobbing, and Patrick's quick to start mimicking the motions Pete was just doing, rocking the baby back and forth.
"Sometimes I think you only love me because I always have toaster strudels in the house" Pete says as he turns on his heels to go get Patrick's breakfast, and Patrick yells back "I also love you cause you have an amazing ass" And then Violet starts crying impossibly louder at the sound of Pete's braying laughter.
Now that Violet doesn't have to be guarded from the harsh Chicago winter, Patrick can really look at her- for some reason, she looks almost exactly like Pete, except with brown, almost black eyes, and darker skin. She's still crying, although the rocking seems to help a little, and it just feels so domestic to Patrick. He's sitting in Pete's living room wearing his pajamas (he was much too lazy to shower, and knowing Pete, he probably hasn't taken one for the past couple of days), and he's pacing around the room, with a fucking baby in his arms, and it's not even that bad.
"You should sing to her" Pete says, once he comes back to the room. He's got a bottle of formula, and 2 plates of toaster strudels, and he's staring at Patrick he's the most beautiful person in the world.
"Sing to her? Do you want me to sing Fall Out Boy to her? 'Let's play this game called when you catch fire, I wouldn't-'" "No! Sing something nice, she doesn't like my poetry or my writing" "Pete, baby, that's because you get so passionate, not that I don't love that, that you scream your poems. I don't think she wants her uncle to scream lyrics at her" Patrick says, before stifling a laugh at the thought of Pete screaming lyrics at his poor, baby niece.
Violet is still making cooing sounds, and she's got her fingers in her mouth, but she's staring directly into Patrick's eyes when Patrick looks back down at her, almost intrigued.
"Whatever, you dick. I only know a couple of chords to 'Life On Mars' but you always sound so hot singing that song, you should sing that one" Patrick just turns to glare at Pete "So this performance is for you?" Pete shrugs "Both me and Violet! Come on, do it, do it, do it" That continues for a while, until Patrick finally gives in when Violet's coos get louder.
And then Patrick sings to Violet, while feeding her the formula from the bottle... which was kind of the weirdest thing in the world. Pete was playing the chords to the song on his out of tune piano, glancing up every moment or so to look at Patrick. But Patrick wasn't even paying attention to Pete as much as he was concentrated on singing softly to this baby, this baby that reminds him so much of Pete that he can't help of think of her as Pete's daughter, or specifically his daughter that Pete had with him. She's smiling as Patrick sings, still walking around the room, and fuck Patrick's so screwed. He's holding the bottle with one hand, and he's carefully cradling her in the other and it already feels like second nature to him, the walk around the room and the weight on his left arm.
"Dude. I fucking love you" Pete sighs, once Patrick finishes the song and once Violet finishes her bottle- she's already falling asleep in Patrick's arms, and when Pete holds his hands out to hold her, Patrick almost doesn't want to give her back. "Rick, you little shit, you like her!" Pete smiles wide at Patrick, shaking his arms a little "Holy shit, I've converted you! You're now a babyfucker69!" Both Pete and Patrick twist their faces up at that comment "Wait, that came out wrong, ignore that. But you like babies now! This is awesome!" Patrick just shakes his head at Pete, handing him the sleeping baby extra carefully "Yeah, I like the easy part. You're changing her, though. I'm not dealing with diapers" Pete sticks his tongue out at Patrick, before looking down at his niece.
"You're really good with her, though. If I tried doing that, the whole singing thing, I'd probably make her cry again or something" He sighs "But you're like the baby whisperer, what the hell"
Patrick looks over Pete's shoulder down at Violet and presses a chaste kiss to Pete's neck "I only like her cause she's your niece. And there's nothing wrong with being passionate and yelling your poems" Pete scoffs, but he doesn't disagree, so Patrick calls it a win. He follows Pete to the guest bedroom, where there's a small crib set up in the corner of the room, and Pete places Violet down gently, before taking Patrick's hand in his, and rushing out of the room quickly "Success!" He whisper-yells to Patrick, before bringing him in for a long kiss. "I love you, baby whisperer. Now let's eat our toaster strudels"