Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Come on, Charlie! It will be fun!” Nick encouraged as he began taking clothes from my wardrobe willy-nilly, and putting them in my duffle bag. “If nothing else, we get to hang out for a few days, doing cool activities with no parents around.”

“I’ll take my parents over Harry Greene any day, thank you,” I mumbled into my duvet, still face down on my bed, trying to pretend this wasn’t my reality for the weekend.

I felt the mattress beneath me dip as Nick sat down near my feet. 

“Is that what you’re worried about? Harry?”

“Not just Harry. He’s just the worst one.” I admit, turning to face Nick.

“I thought he was okay now? Has he been bothering you again?”

“No, no. He hasn’t. Hell, he even said hello to me in the corridor the other day.” I sat up to face Nick properly. I knew he was excited for this weekend, and I have been trying really hard, as his best friend, not to damper that. But it was now the night before, and my grumpiness could not be hidden. “Just because Harry isn’t a homophobic prick anymore and we get on enough to be on the same rugby team, does not mean I want to spend the weekend with him and his groupies.”

Nick looked at me with a slight furrow of his brow, considering what I’d said. 

“I’m sorry, Char. I guess I just got a bit over excited and didn’t think how you might feel about it all.” Nick put his hand on my knee, probably in a comforting gesture but it still felt hot to the touch and I couldn’t think of much else while a part of him was in contact with a part of me. “Let’s not go. We can have our own fun here. Hey, we could still go camping even, just us? Somewhere local, or maybe even just in the back garden.”

This is why I held back up until now. I knew Nick would sacrifice his own fun for me. He really is the best friend one could wish for. Even though he’s smiling at me now, I can see it’s not all genuine. The way it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but he’s still happy all the same. Just not as happy. 

Dammit .

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m just being dramatic and grumpy. Hung out with Tao all day yesterday, it rubbed off on me!” I pat his hand that is still on my knee. Was that a weird thing to do? Probably. But if we are being honest, I lose all sense of decorum with Nick and he’s never said anything before, so…

“Are you sure?” Nick asks, and I can hear the hope in his voice.

“Yes! It will be fun. But promise me, no idiots in our tent?”

“Yay!!!!” Nick leapt forward and hugged me, sending me toppling back onto the bed with him joining me. “We are gonna have so much fun, Char!! And, don’t worry. I’ll make sure it’s just me, you, Sai, Chris and Otis in our tent. No knobheads. I promise!”

Nick stayed on top of me while he prattled on in glee, and I was sort of listening, but it was difficult when I was simultaneously trying to keep my cheeks from going full tomato and not react to the delightful feeling of Nick’s weight pressing me into the mattress.

“If you’re quite done, I need to check what you packed in my bag. No offence, but I do not trust your fashion choices.”

“Charlie! You don’t prioritise fashion when you go camping.” Nick chuckled as he pulled me up to standing with one hand. With. One. Hand.

I ignored Nick’s words and turned the dufflebag upside downs to empty its contents. Out spilled one pair of jogging bottoms, one pair of long sleeve pyjamas with dogs on, two t-shirts and two jumpers.

“The dog pyjamas? Really?”

“What? I think they’re cute.”

“That's because you’re a literal golden retriever. I am not wearing pyjamas, with dogs on, to a rugby-team weekend-long school trip.”

Nick didn’t say anything, he looked down at his feet and I could see his ears pinken. 

“Nick…” I coaxed. “Did you pack your pyjamas with border collie faces on?”

“Maybe,” Nick muttered.

I laughed a little. Not a teasing laugh, more of an ‘oh my god, you’re so adorable’ laugh. Regardless, wearing sort of matching pyjamas with your bestie was a massive no-no for this occasion.

“And where’s my jeans?”

“Charlie, you cannot wear those ridiculously tight things camping. They aren’t exactly practical.”

“Uh! How dare you. And they are not tight , they are figure hugging. There is a difference.”

“Fine, but they have holes in the knees. Won’t exactly keep you warm.”

Well I couldn’t argue with that. I do run cold, and it is autumn. Ugh, I hate when he’s right.

I put in another pair of jeans that are looser and have no holes – I don’t care what he says, I am a jeans guy, not a jogging bottoms guy. Sportswear is for sports only, in my opinion. That being said, I don’t mind that Nick likes to wear his figure hugging skinny track bottoms on a regular basis. I’m gay and I have eyes… sue me. 

Next I take out the jumpers he put in, which are actually his that I have acquired over the year or so we have known each other, and replace them with my own. As in, ones that are actually mine.

“What was wrong with the jumpers I put in?” Nick asked, looking a bit offended.

“Nick, I am not spending my weekend with rugby oaths, half of which assume I have a crush on you, wearing your jumpers.” I said, so matter-of-factly, I was quite proud of myself. 

“And since when did you care what other people thought?” Nick questioned suspiciously. 

“I don’t, but there’s still no need to add fuel to the fire.”

“Fine, I’ll just put one of these in my bag instead. Then I’ll always have a spare for you to borrow.”

Nick took the green Adidas jumper, which he knew was my favourite, and stuffed it into the top of his bag. He really did make it difficult not to have a crush on him.

I finished packing in record time, folding things neatly unlike the haph-hazzard mess Nick opted for in his own packing. Before we knew it, it was time for tea and then bed. It was going to be a stupidly early start tomorrow. The campsite we were going to was in the lake district, and we had to be at school for 6:30am. With it being such an early time, Nick was sleeping over here so my Dad could take us both in the morning – Sarah was on night shifts at the moment, and likely wouldn’t make it in time to take us. 

As we were falling to sleep, me curled up in my bed, Nick sprawled out on the floor mattress below me, I couldn’t help but ruminate over all the things that could go wrong this weekend. It wasn’t just the fact that I’d have to spend time in close proximity to people that, two or three years ago, played an active or passive part in my bullying. Some of the guys were great, and I even considered a few of them real friends. Harry was the worst of course, and even after all of his own inward growth, I would still never consider him a friend. But it wasn’t all of that that scared me most. 

It was Nick. Sleepovers like the one we are having now are kind of routine. They are regimented and supervised. But this trip… this trip is going to be a group of 20 boys, split off into large group tents, sleeping closely together, bantering and more than likely playing some sort of masculinity-proving game. 

There would be plenty of instances where it may become more obvious to Nick that I actually do have a crush on him. Usually, I can give myself some breathing room from Nick – time to tamper down my feelings, put them back into the box I created and shove it at the back of my mind cupboard. But three whole days of Nick being there, with the added ribbing of our unlikely friendship from the others. And what if the complex doesn’t have private showers? 

Nope, not looking forward to that. Maybe I should ask Tori for some makeup to hide all of the blushing I won’t be able to control.

Chapter Text

Even after setting several alarms to go off at five minute intervals, me and Nick still ended up oversleeping and subsequently, had to make a mad dash for the coach as soon as Dad parked up on school grounds.

“Nick and Charlie! What time do you call this?!” Miss Singh shouted as we pounded our feet on the tarmac. The coach was sitting with the engine idling, all students on board, the luggage store closed and ready to go. Only Miss Sing stood outside it, scowling and tapping her pen against a clipboard.

“Sorry miss!” Nick and I both responded in unison. 

We clambered onto the coach, quickly scanning for an empty seat together. Unfortunately, the only seats available were one next to Christian and one next to Kieran. Neither were near each other.

“Oh do keep us waiting longer, lads. Come on, sit down.” The sarcasm dripped from Miss Singh’s voice, and it was enough to hasten our decision. Nick took a proverbial bullet for me and plonked himself next to Kieran at the back of the coach, and I slinked down next to Christian.

“Charlie! Was starting to think you two weren’t going to show.” Christian was a sunny-side-up kind of person, which tended to either lift my spirits or grate on them depending on my mood. The jury was still out today, but I had my wireless headphones in case of emergency. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Chris,” I replied with my own sarcasm and a smile.

“Don’t pretend you aren’t excited about spending the weekend with Nick, Springbean. He might be oblivious but I’m not,” Christian lowered his voice to say this just to me, with a smirk that made my eyes widen at the implication. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. 

I genuinely liked Christian. Along with Sai and Otis, they were some of the few rugby lads that didn’t give me and Nick bother for being platonic besties. They always treated me as equal to them, and would never bat an eye at how close me and Nick were. Hence why this comment came a bit out of left field.

“It means that I thought you’d be excited to be with your crush for the weekend.”

Shit. Is it just Christian that thinks this? Does Sai and Otis know too? Does Nick know?!

“Chris… me and Nick are just friends,” I said very seriously, trying desperately to convince Christian he was barking up the wrong tree.

“For now you are…” The grin on Christian’s face was devilish and it made me nervous.

When in doubt, resort to sarcasm and wit.

“Yes, because this is the weekend my very straight best friend falls in love with me and we skip off into the sunset,” I deadpan. “Not to mention all the hot gay sex we’ll have while you three loons are in the same tent.”

Christian laughed a loud boisterous laugh in my face. “I mean I can’t speak for Sai and Otis, but I’d rather you just gave me a heads up to make myself scarce.” Christian spoke so matter-of-factly, he sounded sort of serious and genuine. Was this Chris when he was being sarcastic?

I decided to opt for headphones afterall. No good can come from this conversation, and it’s confusing the hell out of me. Ignorance is bliss, right?

…………….

The tent assigned to our little subgroup was surprisingly nice. It wasn’t tall enough that we could stand upright – especially Nick and Christian who were literal skyscrapers next to the rest of us – but it was roomy enough for us to be able to sit comfortably without having to soil our beds. There were 3 compartments spanning off from the main area of the tent: two with double air mattresses and one with a single. We were told to bring our own sleeping bags, but no one had thought beyond that, assuming we’d all have our own sleeping mat. I suppose we should be thankful they are air mattresses instead of the inch thick foam roll out you usually get. 

“Sooo, who gets the single?” Sai asked.

“No way am I sharing with Nick, he’s like a bloody furness,” Otis chimed in. I actually loved how hot Nick always was; being a naturally cold person it was always very much appreciated.

“Oi! You should be so lucky.” Nick poked his tongue out at Otis in retaliation.

“I’m having the single, lads. Started having night terrors, and trust me you do not want to be next to me when that happens,” Christian declared and then strode right into the single compartment and flopped on his bed for the weekend.

“Since when?!” Otis asked, clearly smelling a rat.

“A month or so now. Terrible they are. Proper scary.”

“Chris, do you even know what a night terror is?” Sai asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course I do! Do you?” Christian retorted, and Sai just shook his head in dismay.

“Whatever dude. So you wanna share with me or Charlie, Oatcake?” Sai said, moving the conversation along. 

“Better for Sai to share with Otis, remember last time we had Mario Kart night at Charlies? You came out in a rash from sitting on Charlie’s bed. Probably allergic to his fabric softener or something mate, best to stay in separate beds, yeah?”

Otis looked so fucking confused, like he didn’t understand how two add two equalled four. To be honest, so was I.

“I’m sorry, Otis. I didn’t realise you had an allergic reaction to my sheets?” 

“Errr..” Otis looked again at Christian who widened his eyes in return. All of a sudden I was very suspicious. “Yeah, sorry. Didn’t wanna make you feel bad, mate. I’ll share with you Sai.”

The awkward moment quickly passed as Otis and Sai went into the double compartment closest to them and zipped it up behind them.

“Shall we then?” Nick gestured to the only remaining compartment.

“Y-yeah.” I gave Christian one last look and caught a glimpse of the same devilish smirk from earlier. Was Nick not seeing this? The guys were being weird…

We had been given half an hour to get settled and then we had to meet at the edge of the woods for the first team building activity. I wasn’t one for unpacking to be honest, we wouldn’t be here for long so I just dumped my bag and kicked back on the air mattress for a bit while I doom scrolled on my phone. Nick however, was the type to unpack and put everything in a designated spot for our time here. I couldn’t help but smile when he neatly placed his border collie pyjamas on his pillow.

“Do you guys know about your doggy pjs? Or will you be giving a fashion show later?” I teased.

“I’m not ashamed of my choice of nightwear, Charles.”

And he really wasn’t. It was one of the things I loved about Nick: that he was himself all of the time and he wasn’t willing to bend that for anyone. If he wanted to wear cutesie pyjamas with animal faces and stars all over it, he would. 

“Are you sure you’re okay sharing a bed?” I asked hesitantly. 

“Why wouldn’t I be? Wouldn't be the first time.” Nick was right of course, we shared his bed whenever I stayed over at his; he was fortunate enough to have a double. But this felt different somehow. Or was it not, but Christian being suggestive made it feel weird?

“Are you ready to go?” Sai popped his head in to ask.

“I’m gonna nip to the loo, I’ll meet you guys there,” Nick says.

“Oh! I could do with a tiddle, I’ll come too,” Christian sounded a bit too enthusiastic to be going to the toilet with Nick.

“Okay…” Nick furrowed his eyebrows, seeming to catch on to Christian being weird . Finally!

Me, Sai and Otis started our trek to the meeting point. For autumn, it was fairly dry and quite warm. I totally could have gotten away with my jeans with the rips in the knees.

“So I hear Harry snuck some vodka into his luggage. No doubt he’ll be instigating some sort of low-key rager tonight,” mused Otis.

“Since when did anything Harry did constitute low key?” I say, not actually meaning to say it out loud, and only think it. But neither of them seemed to mind.

“You got that right, Springbean. Subtle as a bull in a china shop, that one.”

People began to slowly trickle up, and Miss Singh had her clipboard out again, checking off names. When Nick and Christian arrived, they were deep in conversation, whispering and gesticulating wildly. As they got closer, Nick went to stand beside Sai and not me. Maybe I’m being paranoid or unnecessarily needy, but that wasn’t Nick’s usual trajectory. He always came to stand with me, sit with me, be near me. When I looked over, he had a solemn look to him that tugged at my heart a little.

“What did you say to him?” I whispered to Christian who had come to stand by me.

“Nothing.”

“Then why does Nick look like someone just told him Nellie isn’t the best dog in the world?”

“Concerned, are we?” Chrisitan mused.

“Of course I’m concerned. He’s my friend, and you are acting strange today. What has gotten into you?”

“I’m just being a good friend.”

“Who for? Me or Nick?”

“Both of you. Honestly, you’re both idiots.” 

Before I could respond, Miss Singh called for silence as she began to explain the first activity. We were splitting into teams and building a raft capable of holding our weight, using only what we could find in the forest. 

Great… This is just my idea of fun, this. Not !

Chapter Text

We were split into three separate groups, unfortunately by random names being plucked from a hat. I was fortunate enough to be with Chrsitian and Otis, but unfortunate enough to have to deal with Harry. Nick was another team altogether.

Whitehall Activity Camp had a small reservoir off to the side of the woods and field. In the centre of it was a wooden platform, and tomorrow we were expected to use the rafts we built today to get to it, retrieve a flag, and bring it back to shore. It was a race between the teams, and a way to boost team working and spirit. To be honest, I was more concerned with having to travel a body of water on a raft built by teenagers and staying dry. 

Luckily, one of the other boys of our team was the son of a joiner, and seemed to know his way around building things with sticks. We all happily let him lead the design, and split off to fetch the desired specs of pieces from the woods. I was tasked with finding vines or bark to use as string, and Otis joined me.

“So, you think we have a chance of not going for a swim tomorrow?” Otis asked.

“I’d like to say yes, but I don’t think I’m that lucky,” I mumbled. 

When we got back to the group with our findings, Harry and another boy were dropping the branches and wood bits they found, and Christian and our group lead were already constructing the raft. An hour later and the finished product wasn’t terrible, but it still didn’t fill me with confidence. Not when we had three burly rugby guys to fit on it alongside myself, Christian and Harry who were all on the more slender side. 

“Great job, lads!!” Harry called out, sounding proud as punch as if he was leading the team. In actuality, he fetched wood and stayed out of the way with construction. Unless you count randomly calling out jokes and banter as ‘input’.

When we got back to our tent, Nick and Sai were already there. They were in the middle of a heated game of snap in the centre of the living quarters section of the tent. We all ended up having a tournament, but when Nick and I were the final two standing, Nick forfeited – apparently I’m too competitive. Personally, I think he just doesn’t want to lose to me at yet another game. 

“Hey guys. Harry just texted and is having a secret gathering as predicted in his tent. Apparently it's the size of a castle and we should bring any booze we have,” Sai read out from his phone. 

“Well that’ll be easy, we didn’t bring any,” Nick added.

“Are we going?” Otis asked. No one in particular looked eager to go.

“I mean if we don’t we’ll have to live with it tomorrow,” Christian reminded us. 

“And it could be fun. I mean yeah it’s Harry, but it is supposed to be a team weekend,” Otis added in.

“Charlie?” Nick asked.

“Ugh. Fine. Let’s go,” I said. I knew we didn’t really have a choice. Better to go and try not to get dragged down in Harry’s antics than not go and face questions and jeers tomorrow.

The tent actually was as big as a castle inside. The middle foyer section was as big as their whole tent, and it looked like there were no less than six single compartments splitting off from it. I wondered what Harry did to swing it so that he had this particular tent. 

“Lads! Glad you could join us!” Harry came over and put his arm around mine and Nick’s shoulders, guiding us further into the tent.

It looks like we were last here, as everyone from the rugby team was already here sitting in varying positions on chairs and the floor. 

“In the spirit of this being a team bonding weekend, we are playing ‘I have never’, so grab a drink and take a seat. There’s plenty of room!” Harry pointed us to the sleeping compartment where the alcohol and soft drinks were stashed. 

I didn’t want to drink to get drunk as such. It was more than I wanted to take the edge off of being here, but still be sober enough to not get too touchy with Nick. We have quite a tactile friendship, which is only further exacerbated by alcohol. Nick so more than me, but at least if I stayed sober I could keep my distance. The last thing I want this weekend is more taunts and teases about my supposed - but completely real - crush on Nick. 

“I give it ten minutes until the lads start turning it dirty,” Sai said to us as we selected our drinks.

“Yeah, for a group of guys who are mostly hyper masculine and claim to be inherently straight, they sure seem to be interested in each other's sex lives,” I muttered under my breath so that the rest of the rugby team wouldn’t hear me. Nick, Sai, Otis and Christian heard me though and laughed at my slight remark. 

As it turned out, the group lasted a full fifteen minutes before statements turned more sexual. So far Charlie had only drank for having gone to Spain and being able to play a musical instrument. Then good old Marcus said the inevitable that always got said at every party Charlie attended in which this game was played.

“I have never kissed a boy,” Marcus said. In my mind I wonder if he wanted to with how often he said that as his turn over the years. I outwardly sighed as I brought the cup to my lips. At least it wasn’t the more PG version that often got said as well, ‘I have never had a crush on a boy’. And each time it would tinge at my heart to see Nick’s drink unmoved and still as full as it was before the question was asked. 

After that the theme continued. ‘I have never had a threesome’, ‘I have never had a wank at school’, and my personal favourite, ‘I have never had a sex dream about anyone in this tent”. That one was clearly aimed at me, but what I found most interesting was the pink rouge to Nick’s cheeks and avoidance of eye contact with the whole room. Definitely need to ask him about that later. 

When it was Harry’s turn he said, “I have never had a blowjob in a car.” And I drank, as surreptitiously as possible. But Nick noticed. Of course, Nick noticed.

“What?! Since when?” Nick asked me, forgetting that we were in a room full of people from the volume of his voice. The rest of the group began to slowly get quieter as they tuned in to our conversation.

“Never you mind,” I answered. I was trying to be jovial and move the conversation along, but for some reason Nick looked affronted and continued to push.

“You never told me that, though.” Nick sounded kind of sad he didn’t know, and kind of angry. I didn’t particularly understand his problem to be honest, I just wanted to move the attention off me.

“I don’t have to tell you everything you know,” I spat back under my breath. 

“Yeah, come off it mate. You should be glad he’s getting some action!” Someone piped up, joining in where they weren’t wanted.

“Anyone would think you’re jealous,” Harry snickered. 

“No! I’m not! Don’t be stupid, Harry,” Nick retaliated very abruptly and harshly. It made me wince; the displeasure evident in his voice at the thought of being with me like that. I know he’s straight, but I’m still his friend so…ouch. 

Christian must have noticed the pained look on my face as he leant over me to clap Nick on the head. When Nick looked over to Christian to see why he was getting abused, Christian nudged his head to indicate my presence and that was when I finally met the gaze of Nick’s eyes since this game had started. 

His cheeks were a ruddy red, emphasising his freckles. His brow was furrowed in annoyance – until he saw me and then his muscles relaxed slightly into a furrow of concern and maybe guilt. 

“I- I didn’t mean it like that,” Nick mumbled at me.

“It’s fine,” I whispered back. It wasn’t fine, but I needed the situation to end. If I was going to sit in this god forsaken tent much longer, I needed to move the conversation forward and away from me. 

“Aaanywaaayy,” Otis said. “I have never done anything sexual in a tent!”

The game continued then, people laughed, people drank. People told their sordid stories to each other as they got drunker. I noticed Nick was now the one making a pointed effort not to look at me, and I couldn't take it. So when I got up to refill my drink, I sat in the minute space available next to Christian instead.

“You okay?” Christian asked me quietly so the others couldn’t hear. But I saw Nick look over and wondered if he did and was now staring because he wanted to know the answer.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I responded. Hah, Nick Nelson. 

By the time we were all making our way back to our own tents, it’s safe to say a few of our party were mildly tipsy. Christian and Otis, in particular, had partaken to many shots during the game – interesting, as neither have had a girlfriend that I know of.

My gut sank when we reached our tent as I remembered the sleeping arrangements. I know after I’ve slept on it, I won’t be angry at Nick really . But right now, I just don’t want to talk to him. He’s going to apologise and ask if I’m okay, and what am I supposed to say? ‘No I’m not okay because you made it abundantly clear in front of all our peers how much you don’t fancy me, and that breaks my heart a little because I want you so bad.’ Don’t see that ending well to be honest.

After we all bid goodnight to each other, me and Nick got ready for bed facing away from each other in deathly silence. When we climbed into our sleeping bags beside each other, I lay facing away from him while he was on his back. The silence was deafening.

“Char?” Nick croaked out eventually. “I know you’re awake. Can we please talk?”

“What is there to talk about? Just go to sleep, Nick.”

“Okay…” Nick sounded forlorn. “Well, just listen then. Talk or don’t talk, but I need to say this so please just me?”

With a huff loud enough that I knew Nick heard it, I said, “Go on then.”

“I know I shouldn’t have pestered you about the blowjob thing. You’re right. I have no right to know these things. They are personal and I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

Is that what he thinks upset me? Really, Nick? Yeah he was a twatwaffle, but at least he showed he cared by the lack of privy to my sex life being unknown to him affecting him in such a way. 

“And about what Harry said…” Nick continued after a minute of hesitation. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I just panicked. I didn’t mean it, Char. You’re gorgeous. I’d be lucky to be with you like that.”

“Don’t!” I turned suddenly and sternly threw the word in his face.

Nick looked shocked and confused at my sudden vitriol. “Don’t what?” he asked.

“Don’t say things like that just to make me feel better. It’s not nice. At least when you answered Harry you were being honest. Lying about it is just hurtful.”

Nick’s mouth opened and closed as he stuttered for something to say. I know I sounded harsh, but I wasn’t entirely sober and I just couldn’t allow my heart to hope even a little bit right now. Not when he was lying next to me. So close, yet so out of reach. My walls are built with reminders of what will never be, and Nick saying those things will make them crumble.

“Go to sleep, Nick.” I turned back around and tried to steady my breathing so it wouldn’t break into a sob.

Chapter Text

The next morning when I awoke, Nick was nowhere to be seen within our little section. I was glad for it, as sleep didn’t do all I expected in moving on from last night. Nick saying what he said once we were tucked into our sleeping bags… calling me ‘gorgeous’, saying he’d be lucky to be with me… it hurt. My heart ached for Nick to actually think I’m gorgeous, to actually find me attractive as more than a friend would. 

“Charlie! You up yet mate?” Christian was calling from the other side of the material door. 

“Yeah, two minutes.” Christian took my response as an open invitation to unzip my compartment and stick his head in.

“Where’s Nick?” he asked.

“How should I know?” I answered a bit too defensively.

“Oh, I see. Still having a lovers tiff I see.”

“Shut up, Chris!” Then I threw a sock at him before he retreated back to the shared area. 

Was Nick not here? If the lads didn’t know where he was, then where was he? Shit. Maybe I had best get up and face the music after all. Last thing I need is a scaredy cat Nick Nelson lost in the fucking woods because he was trying to avoid me.

After a few calls and texts from the others, it appears Nick made an early start and was at the lake making finishing touches to his team's raft. Still reeked of avoidance behaviour to me, though. 

“We are going to wipe the floor with you lot!” Sai exclaimed as we all left our tent after a quick breakfast of cereal and UHT milk. The friendly competitive talk continued until we got to the lake, other people arriving to join those who were already present. I smiled along but kept mostly quiet.

Nick couldn’t even look at me as I went to stand at our team's raft, which just so happened to be right next to Nick and Sai’s teams’. It was almost as if Nick had a problem with me . Don’t know why, he’s the one that was a pillock last night, not me.

The more Nick refused to look at me, the angrier I felt myself getting. I should be the one avoiding him , right?

Miss Singh had been going over the rules of the raft race, not that I had listened all that much, but really what was there to get? We sit on the raft, hope it floats and paddle to the platform to get the flag. It isn’t rocket science. 

The teams were all roasting each other, and the air was filled with team camaraderie and healthy competition. 

“Good luck, Nick,” I said against my better judgement. I just wanted to see him look at me more than anything. Nick had a habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve, and I needed to see his face to try and understand what his problem was. 

“Yeah,” was all Nick said. His lips in a tight line and his brow furrowed. The reaction only served to fuel my anger towards him.

“Go!” Mrs Singh shouted, and in my peripheral vision I saw the waving of a green flag. 

On autopilot, I followed the rest of my team onto the raft while Otis pushed it out onto the water before jumping on the back. 

For some reason I felt a renewed desire to win. Nick had made a fool out of me in more ways than one last night. He embarrassed me in front of the team, and then he hurt me in private. There was no way Nick was winning this race. 

I took the oar off of Chris, feeling like it was vital I played a prominent role in our success, and thus Nick’s loss. The cheering and shouting around me was tuned out as I willed my arm muscles to work to their limit and paddle the raft forward. Momentarily, I recognised another team's raft – not Nick’s – had sunk, and took a second to thank the woodland fairies that ours was keeping me dry. 

When I looked at Nick’s team, our rafts were neck and neck. Nick looked at me with confusion, which my gut reacted to with a stern glare. It seemed to have turned a page in Nick’s brain, as he set his face with a renewed determination and doubled down to paddle harder. Nick’s oar smacked in the water hard and the resulting splash it caused got me right in the side of my face.

“Oi! Wanker! That’s cheating!” I shouted over at Nick.

“It was an accident, Charlie!”

“Sure it was! Well so is this!” I swooshed the oar into the water sideways, causing a wave to rush onto Nick’s raft, soaking his knees and shins. I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty certain I heard Nick growl.

The world around us seemed to disappear as we matched each other’s glare. Then the game was really on. Our rafts reached the platform within milliseconds of each other, and true to a photo finish, me and Nick both lurched forward and grabbed onto the flag at the same time.

“Let go, Nicholas!” I called out to him, trying to pull the flag from his grip. “I was here first.”

“Bullshit! You let go!”

Neither one of us were backing down, and neither one of us had noticed the people surrounding us, egging on our fight, or Miss Singh shouting from land to both of us to let go.

“What is your fucking problem?” Nick asked, his voice strained.

“You!” I seethed back. Nick suddenly looked crestfallen and stopped his incessant tugging.

“Fine then. You win.” Nick said solemnly and let go of the flag.

Unfortunately, the sudden loss of opposite force caused me and the flag to go flying backwards into the river with an almighty splash. The shock of the cold water seeped straight into my bones, and I scrambled to get myself upright with my head above water. When I surfaced, the first thing I saw and heard was Nick.

“Charlie! Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Nick was leant down with his hand outstretched, trying to help me back into the platform. 

I should probably have accepted the hand offered. I should probably have even just not said a word and ignored him. Either would have been more mature that what I actually do. 

I hold onto Nick’s proffered hand, and once I feel his grip start to pull on me I pull even harder, bringing Nick into the water with me. 

We don’t have the opportunity to bicker once Nick rights himself within the water. Miss Singh has found the use of a megaphone and is screaming at us to get back to land and stop ‘fighting like toddlers over a broken toy’. She declares that no one has won, gives us a lecture and shoos me and Nick off to the shower block to get clean and dry.

The shower block at Whitehall was a small concrete block which held three cubicle toilets and a walk-in shower area that had two shower sprays and a set of curtains for privacy. Needless to say, I had been avoiding having to use it. The walk here was filled with a stony silence, but it did afford me the time to digest what had happened. 

I’m still mad at Nick, although I’m not sure if the anger is just there to cover up the hurt. But I suppose it’s not Nick’s fault he doesn’t like me the same way I do him. It isn’t his fault his words last night cut me so deep, he isn’t to know. They did hurt though, and they still do. Nick’s reluctance to talk to me this morning… I guess it was easier to get angry than be hurt by it. 

But then the dick splashed me, as if I was the one to be mad at! Okay, so maybe the walk here wasn’t long enough to fully let it go. 

We each took a cubicle wordlessly, drawing the curtains and began to peel our clothes off. With each quelching sound Nick’s sodden clothes made as he tossed another over the curtains, the more I was aware that only a thin curtain was between our bodies right now. Apparently even anger didn’t get in the way of hormones…

“Char?” Nick asked tentatively.

“What?” I replied coldly.

“Why are you so angry at me? Is this just because of what happened in Harry’s tent?”

I find myself struck by how saddened Nick sounds through the sound of the shower spray. His voice echoed slightly. 

“Char? Please talk to me.” Nick asks again. I’m suddenly glad for the situation in which we are about to have this conversation. I know Nick would never dare pull back the curtain and invade my privacy, and knowing that the whole time I say what I’m about to say, Nick won’t be able to see me is comforting.

“You were so adamant that you weren’t jealous of me and another boy last night, that it kind of stung? Like we get it, you’re straight. But it was like even so, the thought of being with me like… repulsed you or something? That just hurts coming from you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that! I pro-”

“Let me finish, Nick.” I cut him off with authority. I had to say this while I had the nerve. “Then in the tent… you said I was gorgeous and that you’d be lucky to have me… like there was a world where I would even have that chance. It… I know you were trying to be nice and make me feel better, but it wasn’t nice to hear you of all people call me gorgeous when I know you’ll never truly think that.”

“But I do, Charlie.” Nick spoke softly.

“Nick, please. It’s so hurtful, please understand. Don’t make me say it…”

“Char? I swear on Nellie… I think you're the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

I could feel my heart pumping in my ears. This was the kind of thing only my dreams allowed me to imagine Nick one day saying to me. Is this a dream? Is that what this is? I looked up directly into the shower spray, hoping the steady stream of hot water would clear my head of fantasies.

“Charlie, I can hear you over thinking from the other side of this curtain. Can I please see you?”

“Absolutely not!” Charlie shrieked. “At least buy me dinner first!” 

Charlie’s quick wit made Nick giggle. “I meant in towels, Charlie!”

We both turned off our showers and all that could be heard was the sound of us both wiping our bodies down with the rough towels on hand. Nick pulled back his curtain first, but I was still stuck. I felt as if once I pulled back my own curtain, it was going to be a turning point in our friendship. Either Nick meant it in the way I can only dream of, or he’s speaking objectively, unknowingly breaking me in two.

“You can’t hide in there forever. Would you like me to meet you at the tent instead?” Nick asked, sounding unsure and nervous.

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

“What of?”

“That I’m about to lose my best friend. That you don’t think I’m… attractive.. in the way I want you to.”

“I believe the word I used was ‘beautiful’.”

“Nick…”

“I’m scared too Charlie. But I’m more scared of never admitting how I feel and only ever having half an existence. If you only want to be friends then that’s fine. But please at least come out and tell me to my face?” Nick spoke the words with a shaky voice and he sounded worried, not firm. 

With a shaky hand, I pulled back the curtain. Nick’s eyes were glassy and his freckles were prominent from the heat of the shower. Pointedly ignoring his bare and damp chest – I am only in a towel after all – it strikes me how nervous he looks, and yet still so breathtakingly pretty.

“Charlie? I’m sorry if how I have acted or what I have said has hurt you. The truth is, I was insanely jealous last night. And I only got defensive because I was still scared to be… honest I guess. But I really was being sincere back at our tent.”

“I’m confused.” I admit. There was only one way I could make sense of all this in my head. But it was too good to be true. Nick can’t actually see me like that, right?

“I… I like you, Charlie. Like, as in more than a friend.” Nick admitted, holding my gaze and visibly swallowing his apprehension. 

“I like you too.” I said softly, trying to hold back the cascades of fireworks going off in my chest. 

“Really?” Nick looked like a kid on Christmas morning, his face lit up.

I giggled, “Yes, really. I thought that was bloody obvious!”

“What? When you were snapping at me for saying you're gorgeous, or when you pulled me into the water?” Nick snarked. 

“You splashed me first!” I protested pointing a finger at Nick.

Nick beamed, grabbed my finger and used it to pull me towards him. I felt his hands land on my bare waist, and heat shot through my entire body at our new proximity. 

“I said… that was an accident.” Nick’s voice had dropped an octave, and the look he was giving me made my stomach swoop. 

Our noses grew closer and began to graze lightly against each other. I could feel Nick’s breath pass over my lips, the sweet scent of honey and mint making itself known. I needed to taste him, and so I took the final step and lightly pressed my lips to Nick’s. I pulled back after a second, silently checking in to see if Nick was okay. But Nick just smiled and pulled me back in, deepening our second kiss as his lips moved wantonly against mine. Eventually my hands found the back of his neck, and I carded my fingers through his wet locks.

“God, I have wanted to do that for so long,” Nick breathily spoke between our still close faces. 

“Me too.”

That evening, Harry has yet again instigated another rugby team get-together. This time though, me and Nick never stray from each other. It’s like neither of us are willing to not be in a shared orbit, in case once we leave it, none of it turns out to be real. 

It didn’t take long for the games to start, this time though it was truth or dare. Not trusting Harry and co at dishing out sane dares, me, Nick, Christian, Sai and Otis knew to stick to truth only. Should we not want to answer, we only had to drink, which wasn’t too bad. It was all going fine, I was pleasantly keeping in the background, able to observe and enjoy rather than be a prominent feature. That was until it was Nick’s turn…

“Nick! Truth or dare?” Harry asked.

“Truth.” 

“Who is the best kisser you’ve had?”

Nick smiled to himself and then looked up at the group without hesitation and said, “Charlie.”