Chapter Text
He doesn’t want to act this way; he doesn’t want to be a danger to those around him. he wants to finally let go of everything that went wrong with him and just be himself. However, he can’t. He is stuck in a never-ending loop that he can’t do anything about because of what he is. An animal. He knows of nothing else other than being an animal. That is what he is used to after all. Being treated as such. An animal for people to use and control as if he was never a person in the first place. He can’t remember how he was before the incident, before he forgot everything about himself. Was he a good person? Did he have friends? A lover? Anyone that cared about him? Perhaps he had a child – one that is now without a father as he can’t remember anything about himself. He hopes that if he does have a kid then they’re okay on their own. They don’t need an animal as a father anyway. He wants to be free from this burden, he wants to be normal, but he’s never felt normal before and it would be impossible to be normal now. He can imagine it though – being human, being like everyone else, not being feared by everyone who looks his way because he’s a freak and he knows that. Even with the mutants he’s still considered a freak. A feral is what they call him. A mutant that’s never been loved and has been raised to be nothing but an animal so much that he doesn’t know anything and that scares everyone around him, even though they’re as much freaks as he is.
So, he sits in the woods, hiding from the rest of the world because such a world doesn’t deserve to see a feral monster that doesn’t even know how to communicate his own goddamn name. All he can do is growl like the animal he is, when they took his memories, they took all from him. All what he thought it was to be human and left a lost, feral animal alone with no help. Since then, he has been trying to live his life as an animal in the woods. So far it has worked out, everyday he gets up, he hunts and eats his meat raw. He leaves the bloody bodies of animals in a trail as he finds another place to rest each night for, he knows he cants stay in one spot for too long or they will find him and god forbid. He doesn’t know what they’ll do with him if they take him. He can’t remember his past but he does remember the pain and loss he got from being in humanity which is why he believed it was better to stay behind in the woods. Let everyone else live their life without a feral monster being stuck with them with no way out. He is used to being a burden – sure he doesn’t remember who he was a burden too but he does remember the constant pain of being a burden to someone that he believed loved him. If only he could remember the name or face of them. All he gets are little glimpses that help him in no way to identify who it was that actually loved him.
Right now, Logan – the wolverine – was asleep in the woods as he always was. This time he found a nice spot next to a small river that was filled with not only clean water but lots of fish for logan to eat. Perhaps if this spot seems safe then he may be able to stay there for a bit and finally rest his pain-filled body. He won’t have to worry about anyone else disturbing him and hurting him – just as he always has to worry about. He hopes it happens because he doesn’t know how long he can keep running. Every time he does it just pains him over and over again. He hopes he can finally rest. But tonight, really wasn’t the night for that.
He began to struggle in his sleep, tossing and turning, mumbling incoherent words under his breath. He began to growl as his claws were unleashed in the silent woods. He was the only thing that could be heard for miles. His voice became louder as he growled, he called out names that not even he recognised himself. He wanted out, he wanted to get out. Out of his own head, his own body. Just anything.
He reached out for something beside him, something that was usually there but this time there was a loss of. A body – the body of someone he loved but no longer recognised. The body of a woman he had once loved and was completely devoted for but now doesn’t remember her at all. Not even her name. She was completely erased from his memory and now he was just craving something that he didn’t remember.
He woke up in a fit of terror. He didn’t register where he was, just that he needed someone beside him – the body that was no longer there. He cried out like a howl of sadness, the pit in his stomach got bigger as he growled and stabbed the ground beside him with his unleashed claws. How could he forget someone that was so important to him? Why doesn’t he remember her? All he remembers is how she made him feel, the love, the hatred, the pain, the anger that he had all felt with being with her. He remembered the last emotion as clear as day. A powerful mix of loss, sadness and confusion. The body – of her – it had fallen and he felt all those emotions at once as he felt his body finally collapse and by the time he woke up – he was changed. He has no memory, no relocation of who he was. And that was the last time he had ever felt human.
He got up from the rocky ground that he had been sleeping on and he let his growls fall soft. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, trying to show himself that he can be human after all. But those words fall silent and nothing leaves his mouth but a growl. The growl of an animal.
He walked over to the river, it was calm, soft, the clear water showed the number of fish sleeping peacefully. Something he has never gotten. Which in return made him angry, he stabbed his claws into the water and picked up fish that had been caught in his claws. He stared at the fish and watched as their eyes began to lose his soul. He watched it and he didn’t feel a thing for it. He was an animal after all. An animal that killed and got what he wanted. Every time he kills, he feels the humanity slowly slipping away from his mind, his body, his soul and he becomes more like a wild feral animal. The one that everyone had always referred to him as.
At this point he no longer cared what people thought of him. He was used to it and it would be very unlikely that another human or mutant will ever see him again. He was fine being alone – he was never good with others.
As he continued to stare at the fish, he ripped them off his claws and ate them in an instant. Watching as the rest of the fish scurred away, not wanting to deal with the same fate as their fellow fish had. He smirked at that – it was much easier when things were scared of him. It made it easier to not have to try and talk to anything – as words were never able to leave his mouth. As he ate the fish, he finally heard something in the distance. He froze, it didn’t sound like an animal. It sounded like a human. But why would a human ever be this deep into the woods? It was much further than any town or city. It was the middle of no where and no one should be here. It was dangerous – especially with him here.
He began to step back; he knew it was better to run away then go confront them. He didn’t want to deal with humans, he didn’t want to kill more people. But isn’t this what he was talking about? No more running away? No more trying to avoid whatever he was. Maybe they could help – no. Humans were never reliable, they only caused pain. He was stuck with two options and he didn’t know what one to choose – and he needed to choose quick because he could hear their footsteps getting louder with every second.
He couldn’t have them find him – no matter how much he wanted to go back to being human – no matter the pain, no matter how much everything hurt him, it was still better than being alone, isolated, so much to the point he can’t even remember how to be himself. Even if he did have his memory, would he remember how to be human if he was stuck in the same isolation he had always had? Would he still be able to talk? Would he not remain feral and try to work on himself rather than letting himself fall behind?
The more he thought about it the more he realised that maybe the humanity inside him wasn’t completely gone, maybe he still had some left inside him, deep down. Craving to come out, begging it’s owner that it isn’t an animal but a human that had been through so much. The more he thought the closer the footsteps came. He froze more, he could run now, but would they catch up? Would they hunt him instead? He doesn’t believe the human kind are now accepting of his kind. He knows better than that. He knows that they’re probably scared of every other mutant there is. Even if they never meant any harm towards anyone.
The footsteps creeped closer to the point where he could hear their hushed whispers and smell them. He hid behind a tree. He knew he was big but he was short so maybe he was able to hide before they could find him. If he tried to run now than they would definitely know he’s here and they would hurt him. Then he would have no choice but to kill them – losing more and more of his humanity with every kill. Proving to everyone that he is in fact an animal just like they had all called him.
He heard their voices clearer this time. He poked his head out of the bushes next to the tree and watched them, a glare across his grump face.
One was a female that had long, luscious red hair, one with these weird glasses and short brown hair, he was taller than her but not by much, the last one had short white hair. They all wore matching black costumes, an X on all of them. His mind flashed back to where he had seen an X before. He flinched a bit at his own mind reverting back to before he lost his memory “Weapon X” they had called him. They had hurt him. He doesn’t want to be hurt anymore. He needs to stay hidden so they can’t take him back to that awful place.
The red-haired one spoke up, “His presence is still here, his mind is so scattered – filled with so much pain. I’m afraid I cannot read it…” she glanced around, as if she was trying to find him, as if she knew the exact spot where he was – she just wanted to give him a chance to come out himself.
Logan looked around, trying to see if there was any way out without being caught by these strange humans in the black uniforms. He can’t go back to being Weapon X as he was before, he knew better than that, he knew they would hurt him more than they ever hurt him before and this time he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to last the pain that would be put upon him.
This time the one with the weird glasses spoke up as he stared at the trees and bushes near Logan, “Can you locate exactly where he is Jean? It’ll be easier to catch him in a trap and try and calm him in the plane. He is a feral after all” Logan nearly growled at his words but didn’t. He couldn’t get caught, after all, they believed he was just a feral.
The girl – Jean as he came to know – looked at the man in glasses with something in her eyes that he could only identify as sympathy and pity, the white-haired girl finally spoke up. “Cyclops you acting like this will only drive him away, we must act with caution without any necessary fighting happening, we know he can do harmful damages and so it’ll be better if you just leave it be? Understand?”
The glasses boy – Cyclops? Looked defeated and sighed. “Whatever Storm, let’s just get him, okay?”
Logan finally knew all of their names and was able to identify each of them, they were closer together now, he could leave. He could run and maybe then they wouldn’t trap him. That was until he caught Jeans eyes on him, looking directly into his and it was at that point he knew he was caught.