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”I can still clearly hear the sound of the waves. That’s enough for me.”
That exhausted, broken voice echoed through the Shadow Guard’s head as he watched the pink-haired foxian who said those words from a high vantage point. Jiaoqiu had snuck away from the doctors and other Alchemy Commision personnel, standing on the dock west of the Healer’s Market with a single boat to what Moze overheard was called Dragonprayer Terrace. He casually rested his forearms against the railing, probably listening to the waves like he said he would. The sight of it gave Moze an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he wasn’t sure why.
Initially, Moze had taken his position here, high up, far away and lurking in the shadows, simply to watch over Jiaoqiu to make sure he wasn’t unexpectedly attacked. He had no intention of forcibly taking the other back to safety unless it was absolutely necessary. They’d both already left the boundaries of the zone they were allowed to wander in, so he’d let the other enjoy this moment of tranquility until either he decided to return, or until someone came looking for him.
Soon though, Moze got this nagging feeling that he should be doing more than watching over him from a distance. Although he wasn’t entirely sure what ‘more’ would entail. Jiaoqiu wasn’t currently in distress, not physically anyways, and Moze was anyone but the right person to give Jiaoqiu words of comfort. Besides, since he came all the way out here, he probably wanted to be alone anyways.
…
It felt strange to not be seen by him. To not have him look up, give the Shadow Guard a teasing smile and text a cheeky ‘I see you~’ . When it had happened in the past, Moze had sighed and groaned in annoyance. He never thought he’d start to miss it. Finally, he acted on that nagging feeling, reluctantly leaving the high ground and slinking across the dock to join the other’s side, obviously unbeknownst to him.
Moze never wanted to be seen or heard. He’d hide in shadows, behind people, or under the cover of his cloaking abilities. His footsteps were featherlight and barely audible and every movement was carefully calculated to minimize the rustle of his clothing. None of the wooden boards of the dock creaked as he stepped on them.
To most, he was practically invisible.
But never to Jiaoqiu. He always saw him, no matter how stealthy he thought he was being. Not the darkness or shadows, nor his abilities could fully conceal him from the foxian’s sharp gaze. The look, the smile and the teasing text. Even if Jiaoqiu didn’t directly acknowledge him, he knew he was there. A nod, a glance, a signal to let him know he noticed him. In order to not blow his cover, to keep him safe, to plead to him to run…
Now all of that was gone. The healer couldn’t see him anymore, and thanks to Moze’s silent nature, couldn’t hear him either. During his conversation with Feixiao earlier, Jiaoqiu didn’t even notice he was there until he spoke up. Now, Moze was more than invisible.
It was like he didn’t exist.
Around anyone else, this would be a blessing. Moze could list a number of people he’d want to forget he existed, either entirely or until it was too late to escape his blade. Jiaoqiu was not one of them.
The idea of being non-existent to the healer left a bitter taste in his mouth and a twisting feeling in his stomach. Like the knife to the gut that was the state in which he found Jiaoqiu being twisted by the effects of the Tumbledust. He’d grown so accustomed to not speaking or making a sound, but not doing so would cause Jiaoqiu to never know if and when he was there, or worse, would cause Jiaoqiu to forget him. He fought so hard to get back the one he was so afraid of losing, only to disappear from his world. He had to try and communicate with him in some way. He couldn’t lose him, not after everything-…
“Moze?”
Moze was jolted back to reality as he swore he heard Jiaoqiu say his name. He wasn’t looking at-… wasn’t facing him, but he could tell he was keeping his ears peeled for a response. Had he heard him somehow?
“How did you know I was here?” Moze asked slowly.
“I’ve been feeling a presence near me for some time now. Only you would stand there for so long without making a sound.” Jiaoqiu turned his head in the other’s direction, a smile on his face.
Moze felt a strange sense of guilt wash over him at those words. A sense of guilt he’d never felt before. He’d really been here this whole time without even saying hello… “Sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Jiaoqiu said quickly. “I know you’re not a talker, so you don’t have to make any grand announcements just for me. I’ll learn to hear you coming too, in time. You can’t hide from me.” The foxian smiled mischievously, swishing his fluffy pink tail to emphasize his point.
Despite the lighthearted, playful tone, that only deepened his guilt. Jiaoqiu shouldn’t be the one to step up. Moze should. He was the one who chose to be silent. He was the one who failed to save him on time. He was the one person who could have prevented this, but… he couldn’t. The rational part of him told him that if he’d charged in at any point, it could have gotten both of them, if not more people, killed. Logically speaking, this was the best case scenario. That’s what he’d told himself so far. But the shame at his inability to rescue Jiaoqiu before the damage had already been done was eating away at him regardless. It was a strange, uncomfortable, gnawing ache he hadn’t felt for the entirety of this ordeal until now. In fact, he couldn’t remember a time in recent memory he’d felt like this. Among all these foreign thoughts and sensations, he knew only one thing for sure.
“I won’t hide from you. Never.” Moze finally said, his voice sounding more shaky than he intended. Jiaoqiu had suffered and lost too much already. For whatever he was worth, he wouldn’t let him lose Moze too.
The foxian’s ears perked up, picking up on the quiver in the other’s voice. His expression softened into a small smile. “That’s comforting to hear.”
“I’ll find a way…” Moze subconsciously moved closer to Jiaoqiu, their shoulders and forearms brushing together as they both leaned on the dock’s railing.
Jiaoqiu jerked his head in Moze’s direction, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise at the sudden touch. It made Moze think he’d crossed a line for a moment and intended to back off, but paused as the other leaned into him. The healer’s arm carefully snaked around Moze’s, and he clumsily interlaced their fingers.
Moze looked at their intertwined fingers, his gloved hand warming up Jiaoqiu’s cold palm. Although he didn’t appreciate being touched most of the time, especially not in such an intimate way, this felt right somehow. No words were spoken, but that touch said more than words ever could. Moze gave Jiaoqiu’s hand a reassuring squeeze. ”I will find a way to let you know I’m by your side, I promise you.” He said softly. He wasn’t quite sure how yet, but he would.
Jiaoqiu briefly opened his eyes in surprise, his once golden irises having dulled to a gray-ish yellow. “Thank you, Moze.” He said after a few moments, his smile warm enough to make the stinging, twisting sensation in Moze’s abdomen dissipate.
“No need to thank me.” Moze grumbled. He didn’t need to be thanked for doing the bare minimum, he thought.
As if Jiaoqiu could sense the guilt plaguing him, he let out a soft sigh and spoke again. “In case you need to hear this: I don’t blame you for what happened in any way, shape or form, and neither should you.” He faced the rolling waves of the sacred Vidyadhara waters again. “I chose this, for Feixiao’s sake and the safety of everyone on the Luofu. You wouldn’t have been able to stop me. Besides, I owe you my life. If you’d found me any later, I wouldn’t be here.”
That made Moze clench his fist in anger. Not at Jiaoqiu, but at Hoolay, the Aeons, the very universe for letting this happen. He desired nothing more than to tear that monster to shreds. To spill his blood and see how he likes it. Except he couldn’t, and that only frustrated him more. Rage and bloodthirst burned in his chest before quickly being doused at feeling something weighing on his left side.
Jiaoqiu was fully leaning against him now, head on his shoulder and still holding his hand. “All this to say… You’ve done more than enough. I’m eternally grateful to still have you by my side.”
Moze’s expression softened. He knew Jiaoqiu wouldn’t hold anything against him, but hearing his reassurance meant everything to him. He was grateful too, but instead of saying so, he simply squeezed the other’s hand. Judging by the squeeze that he got back, the silent message was understood.
”You’ve done more than enough.”
Moze felt comforted by the fact he was able to believe those words.
The two remained like that for a while longer, silently holding each other close and listening to the waves.
This was enough for them.