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A good 30 minutes had passed since the successful construction of the Church of Lakeside Mall’s portal.
Wiggly had been rather eager to claim what was rightfully his. He’d won the game, after all- all by himself, just as he boasted he could, and- besides from his jealous, indignant brothers- nothing was left to stand in his way.
Or at least, that’s what he thought.
But what he wasn’t expecting was for something… tragic to occur on the night of his birth.
One third of his audience had been killed in the carnage. The other 67% had surely abandoned their god after the wrathful promise that they would also die if they ever came back.
His four brothers, on the other hand, were still stuck in the Black and White, looking on unimpressed (compared to how they were half an hour ago) as something on the other end of the portal writhed and thrashed.
And what was this unforeseeable wrench in the King in Black’s plans, you may ask?
…Well, Blinky managed to sum it up rather well.
“For the last time, it’s not ‘too small’, you’re just too fat!”
“SHUT UP!”
Wiggly… wiggled, but to no avail, as his brothers’ entranceway to paradise was blocked by a mass of writhing tentacles. His muffled grunts and groans rang out from behind the portal as he audibly struggled to push himself out.
“C’mon, suck it in! Suck it in, you fuckin’ fatass!” Tinky ordered, stepping towards the tentacled chaos.
“I AM SUCKING IT IN! IT’S NOT WOR-“
He punched the squid-creature in the gut, making him yelp momentarily before squirming even more. To their collective surprise, he actually did move a few inches forward. “Wait, did that…” Blinky came a few steps closer, before sighing. “Nope. I think that just made him more stuck.”
Nibbly groaned, the hilarity of the situation finally wearing off as he grumbled, “I told you you shouldn’t have had that many Sniggles.”
“Oh, please! You only wanted them for yourself!” The cephalopod called out.
“Yeah, and this is why!”
Tinky turned to Pokey as the chaos ensued, and muttered, “So now do you think we should tell him he can just shapeshift?”
“No.” The maestro’s eyes didn’t tear away from the portal in the slightest. “This amuses me.”
“Well, at least one good thing came of it.” Blinky smiled. “We were right. This timeline was doomed from the start, and Wiggly is helpless without us, all because of his fucking gluttony.”
“It is not gluttony! IT IS A HIBERNATION CYCLE!”
“Oh, yeah. A ‘hibernation cycle’.“ He nodded. “And how about next time? You gonna try and convince us you’re about to go through another pupal phase?”
“Yes!-“
Wiggly stammered after saying that, as if he’d realised the sheer stupidity of what he just said. Even his tentacles became still, flopping to the ground for a second before kicking back up, writhing in desperation again.
Tinky sighed at the pitiful display, before questioning, “Alright, who wants to go help him out?”
“Not it.” He, Blinky and Pokey all raised their arm, wing, and miscellaneous forelimb simultaneously, before turning to Nibbly, who perked up at the noise before letting out an exasperated groan.
He got up onto all fours, about to pounce into the portal- and by proxy, his older brother- before said older brother called out, “NIBBLY, YOU’D BETTER NOT BE ABOUT TO HEADBUTT MY FUCKING ASS!”
“Oh, so now it’s your ass? I could’ve sworn it’s your ‘second mouth’-“
“YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY LITTLE BEAK, BLIKLOTEP!”
Just as the rest of his brothers once again started giggling at the squid’s misery, Pokey floated over to the sides of the portal, and nonchalantly tried to claw him out.
“Wait- NO! NO, I’M ALMOST THERE, JUST GIVE ME A SECOND-“
“Well, what do you want? Would your twisted, perverted mind prefer we have Nibbly headbutt your ass instead? Because we can have that arranged,” the parasite tilted his head, sarcastically (at least they hoped it was sarcastically) confronting him.
There was silence for a few seconds. And then, a muffled groan as the mound of tentacles began to shift backwards. The Lords all moved to give their brother some well-deserved space, as a gargantuan, fluffy, green mound came careening out of the portal.
He landed perfectly on his ass, though his paws stopped him before he could fall on his entire backside. Once there, though, he slowly rolled on his side, groaning and gently rubbing his belly as an apology for the sheer, suffocating torture the poor thing had just been through.
Wiggly sighed, before a thought occurred to him and he said, “Please tell me I just crushed one of you.”
He received no answer. In fact, there was perfect silence, which was more than odd- he was expecting Tinky to make some snarky comment, or at least snicker at that. “Hello? Boys?” He sat up, looking side to side to find that… he was now all alone in the Black.
Then, just as he began to question where his brothers disappeared off to, he got an answer. A hand emerged from the portal, flipping him off before retreating back into the green glow it came from. A very peculiar hand, a pudgy, bear-like one with four fingers and small claws and a fabric-like texture and a strange smell reminiscent of some weird mixture of rotting chevon and Spankoffski blood-
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, TINKY!” The King in Black rose to his feet (tentacles?) in pursuit of Tinky- well, all the siblings that just ditched him, but mainly Tinky. He dove paws-first into the portal, his vision being obscured by vaguely green light for a second, before it faded.
And there he was, on Earth in the middle of the night, no more than an hour past the stroke of midnight on Christmas Day. And for his birthday-slash-Christmas gifts, he was greeted by the sight of his brothers, staring at him eagerly before bursting out laughing again, as he stopped and realised…
…Shit. He was stuck again.