Chapter Text
"Psst. Jesper. Don't look," Wylan whispered, "but Kaz has been glaring at us for the entire bus ride."
Naturally, Jesper immediately craned his neck, ignoring Wylan's hissed "I said 'Don't look'!"
When he turned back, he was both amused and freaked out. Mostly freaked out.
"Saints, he's really taking this hard, isn't he? I don't know whether to be impressed or feel sorry for him."
"He brought this onto himself."
This was all it really took to make any token remorse he was obligated to feel for his best friend leave his body. "You're right. Remember his stupid face when we told him?"
"I want to frame it."
"It's actually my screen saver."
"You know I can hear you, right?", a raspy voice behind them said.
Jesper looked back again. Kaz sat directly behind them next to a snickering Inej, looking like a vindictive demon in his black hoodie, black jeans, black hair and black eyes. Eyes that were directly boring into him.
"Uh, last time I checked, you weren't invited to the conversation, and evasdropping is rude." He turned back to Wylan. "You know I can hear you two, right? Who does he think he is?"
Inej behind them and Eva and Franzi behind her laughed.
"Jesper," Kaz said, way too cheerfully for Jesper's liking.
"Mmmmmyeah?"
"I know who the person was that broke into the school that one night blackout drunk, stole all the toilet paper to build himself a castle and declare himself 'King of weewee land'. Consider yourself warned."
"H-how did you know that? I only told Wylan and he wouldn't betray me..." he gave Kaz a disgusted up-and-down, "...for you."
"I have other sources. No, not Inej," he said when Jesper immediately gave her a hurt look. Understanding dawned on Jesper and his face darkened. Awkwardly half-standing up in his seat, he loudly said "Our movie night is so off, Zeynep!"
Some other students flinched awake, others gave him dirty looks.
Zeynep, looking as flawless as always with her big hoop earrings, her smooth black hair and her glamoruous make-up, had the nerve to just shrug. "He offered me info about my ex. What was I supposed to do? Not hack into your phone?"
"See," Jesper said, turning back to Kaz, "Things like these are exactly why I said you had it coming. Enjoy sharing the room with Timo, Erkan and Ben."
Someone cleared their throat. It was an indignant Timo on the other side of the aisle. "I can hear you too, by the way."
"You're not part of this conversation," Kaz said. ("Hypocriiiiiite", Timo mumbled). "And you," he said to Jesper, "don't think I'll forget this. I'll make sure to make you wonder whether it was worth it or not."
Jesper just stuck his tongue out, and Kaz gave him the middle finger.
"Jeeze, what a drama queen," Jesper sighed.
"He's just tense because we're going to the Ketterdam," Wylan said. "Don't take it personally."
"Inej?", they heard Franzi. "You and Kaz will show us around the Barrel, right? I mean, you guys lived there for such a long ti-umpf. Ow! What the hell, Eva?!"
Inej laughed. "It's all right, Eva. The Barrel was my prison for some time, but it was my home for even longer. Right, Kaz?"
Kaz just grumbled in response. Jesper could practically hear Inej's eye-roll. "But there are still certain memories attached to it, so please understand that I don't plan on visiting it again."
"Of course!", Franzi quickly said. "Sorry!"
Jesper didn't know who Inej had told about her time in the Menagerie. He was sure Eva, Franzi, Zeynep and Charlotta knew, and thankfully, the girls seemed to have kept this to themselves. Inej always chose wisely who she trusted with information she didn't want out there. He was pretty sure though that no one knew how Kaz had spent his time in the Barrel. Obviously not; who would want to sit next to a mob boss during English class? And not even Jesper knew anything about where Kaz had been before that. The only thing he did know was that he'd once had an older brother named Jordie who had died when Kaz was nine, and that it was an incredibly sensitive subject you did not ever want to bring up. It was also rumored in the class that Kaz had been homeless for the better part of his childhood, and ever since an incident in the small school elevator that had gotten stuck, now everyone also knew that Kaz really despised physical touch.
Now finally Jesper actually did feel bad about what he'd done. He, Wylan and Kaz had planned to share a room in the youth hostel, but after Kaz had been in a particulary foul mood, they'd decided to pull a little prank on him and told him he'd have to share his room with Timo, Ben and Erkan. His face when they'd told him had been glorious. They'd wanted to reval that it was just a joke on this bus ride. Unfortunately, Miss Grüne, their headteacher, had caught wind of their fake room arrangements and was now convinced that they were final, no take-backs, because she thought it was "wonderful that students who didn't talk a lot with each other finally got to know each other better". At first, Jesper had found this hilarious. But now he remembered how hard it was for Kaz to sleep in front of strangers. It had taken him a year to let himself fall asleep during a movie night with him, Wylan, Nina, Matthias and Inej present in the room (and when it happened, Jesper had squealed so loudly that he'd immediately woken him up again). It wasn't even as though Kaz didn't like Timo, Ben and Erkan. In fact, they were all quite friendly with each other. Well, as far as friendliness goes for Kaz Brekker. He just didn't know them well enough.
But now it was too late to do anything about it. Eh. Kaz had survived worse. Still, Jesper felt his accusatory gaze on the back of his head for the entire rest of the ride. He knew he and Wylan were going to pay for this eventually. But until then, he decided to just enjoy the show. In any case, the people he should actually be pitying were TImo, Ben and Erkan.
While all of this was going on, Eva was typing away on her phone. Or, well, at least she tried. Her older sister was apparently unable to book a train ticket from where she was- typical of her not to plan ahead-, but Franzi's endless babbling next to her made it significantly harder to read or form a single sentence.
"AND I want to see the Crow club. And also the Silver Six! And, oh, look! There's a bunch of good bars we could go to! I bet the boys will come with us too..."
Eventually, she just gave up and put her phone away. "I'm not sure I want to go to the Barrel. I'll probably stay in with Inej and Nina."
"Come ooooooon," Franzi whined. "Don't be boring!"
Eva rolled her eyes. Out of her, Zeynep and Franzi, she was probably the biggest party animal, thank you very much. She just wasn't sure how appropriate it was to party in a place that had held one of her closest friends captive in a building for a year where she got repeatedly raped by grown men. When she was fourteen. She didn't want to spend a single Penny there. A place like this was evil, and she was having no part of it. Of course, she couldn't say all of that while Inej was sitting directly in front of her.
She didn't want to make her feel like a victim, something to be pitied. Inej was one of the strongest people she knew. But if she wasn't going to the Barrel, then Eva wouldn't be going either. It would feel like she was betraying her somehow.
"Ignore her," Zeynep behind her said. "Franzi is just trying to be edgy."
Franzi pouted. "But you're coming, Zeynep, are you?"
Zeynep acted like she had to think about it. "Hmm, I don't know, I'm not usually into dancing and getting drunk.."
Eva and Franzi both laughed. Zeynep, now giggling too, continued: "But I guess I could make an exception for you."
The traffic outside was building up and they were passing the first few skyscrapers. Ketterdam was a historic city for sure. But from here, it just looked grey and ugly. It was a popular tourist attraction for schools especially because it had a bunch of good places to party, which was probably why it had been the first suggestion out of Timo's mouth when the question came up where they should go for their graduation field trip.
The best thing was that the majority of them were over eightheen now, so the teachers technically couldn't tell them what to do anymore.
Miss Grüne and Mister Krahn were laid back anyway, thank god. She shuddered when she thought about the fact that Mister Lauber had been intended to come with them on this field trip. He'd sent her and a bunch of other female students explicit messages a few months ago. If it hadn't been for Inej and Kaz, he wouldn't have been fired for it since the principal hadn't been willing to do anything about it until they made him think Mister Lauber had been messaging his 11-year old daughter too.
Eva would be eternally grateful to the both of them forever. Through the gap of their seats, she could see that her pinky finger was carefully resting on his. For anyone else, this was probably not a big deal. But for the two of them, this was the equivalent of a couple making out in public. Eva had only coincidentally found out they were engaged a few months prior, for crying out loud. As it turned out, the wedding wouldn't be for another two or three years, but still, come on! She'd honestly thought Wylan and Jesper would be first.
The bus finally came to a halt in front of a huge, grey building. Miss Grüne stepped forward and talked into the microphone.
"All right, we're here! Please make sure to tidy up your seats, we want to use this bus for excursions! Mister Krahn and I will go check in and pick up your keys while you grab your suitcases..."
Clothes were rustling, seats were creaking as the students eagerly listened, ready to finally get out of the stuffy bus they had spent the past seven hours in.
"You know, I saw a brochure about the Barrel," Franzi said while she took the wrapping papers of her energybars and stuffed them into her bag, "and it literally says there's demons roaming the streets."
Sven laughed condescendingly while he waited for his classmates to get past him on the aisle. "Demons. What are you, ten?"
"Oh, demons are definitely among us," Matthias said with a dark expression directed at Kaz.
Franzi rolled her eyes. "Not real demons, obviously! But there's a legend about a girl called The Wraith, and a boy they call Dirtyhands."
Jesper behind her choked on something. Wylan clapped on his back.
"Suure." Sven made a face.
"She's right, I heard about that too," Erkan piped up and when he saw Sven's sceptical face he added: "Nah, for real, bro! I saw a documentary. They're said to be two of the most dangerous people the Barrel has to offer. The Wraith is said to be so quiet that you can literally not hear her no matter how much you listen. Dirtyhands is smart and brutal and he always wears gloves and walks with a Crow Cane."
"Have you ever seen them?", Zeynep asked and looked at Wylan, Jesper, Kaz and Inej, who all quickly shook their heads. A little too quickly, if you asked Eva. There was something in Kaz's eyes akin to...maybe fear? For just a split second before they went back to disinterested, but it had definitely been there. If even someone like Kaz Brekker was scared of Dirtyhands and the Wraith, they had to be really dangerous. Suddenly her interest in the Barrel was awakening.
"Yo, we should go there and see if we can find them!", Timo said excitedly.
"The Wraith and Dirtyhands?" Nina was walking behind a few students (who were walking extra slow so they could hear the conversation) towards the door. "There are far more interesting things in the Barrel than them. Especially Dirtyhands is hardly worth mentioning."
"You met them?!", Franzi asked.
"Why, of course", Nina said dramatically. "The Wraith is impressive, that's true. She's beautiful and dangerous and can do some amazing knife tricks. But Dirtyhands is hyped up for no reason. He's arrogant. And annoying. And not even half as handsome as he's always described."
Inej snorted.
They were the only ones left in the bus now. "Yo, we're gonna see them too! Let's go look for them later!", Timo declared. "You in, Kaz?"
"Over my dead body."
Nina squealed. "Ohh yes, let's do that!"
"Go to the Barrel to find Dirtyhands and the Wraith?", Eva asked.
"No, kill Kaz!"
Kaz ignored her. "They aren't some cutesy tourist attraction. They are dangerous people who live in a dangerous place. You shouldn't go there."
Inej nodded. "Kaz is right. If you really want to go to the Barrel, visit the Lid, it's safe for tourists, but don't go any further."
"Yo, she and Kaz grew up there, they know what they're talking about," Ben said.
"I still want to meet them! My youtube channel is JUST getting popular after that video of Mister Lauber shitting his pants. Imagine how many views I'm going to get for Ketterdam's urban legends!"
Kaz shrugged. "If a bunch of views are worth losing your limbs over..." He didn't elaborate and limped out of the bus.
Jesper sighed and clapped Timo on the shoulder. "I am so sorry for pinning him on you. No take-backs though."
Eva followed them as they left the bus and wondered why Kaz seemed so tense. He was never truly a ray of sunshine. When he had a good day, he joked around with the others or teased them (he had sort of a crass sense of humor), showed them magic tricks or helped them with difficult questions from homework (and after Inej had talked to him, he didn't even demand payment for it anymore!), but on bad days he was quiet and slightly over the line with his remarks. He was well-liked in the class, but everyone only knew him on a surface-level. She thought about the rumor of him being a homeless orphaned child, and the thought of him being in close proximity to someone called Dirtyhands and Wratih with no one around to protect him made her shudder.
He carried scars, visible ones and invisible ones, and while she wanted to strangle him some days, on other days she wanted to hug him and tell him none of whatever happened to him was his fault. Though of course he would never let this happen because he hated touch, which just added to the mystery of Kaz Brekker, and also to his appeal. Franzi still wasn't over her crush for him. Thankfully, after she'd learned that he and Inej were a thing, she'd managed to hide it better.
The hotel lobby was chilly and almost entirely white- white tiles on the floor, white walls, boring modern art that rich people liked to buy. Miss Grüne handed her the key for the room she shared with Inej, Zeynep, Nina and Franzi.
"Are you guys going out later?", Timo called after her.
She looked at the others, who seemed just as exhausted as she was. "No," she answered. "We're just chilling in our room for a bit."
"Which room?"
"340."
"Nice! We're stopping by later, cool?"
They all looked at Inej. "That would be great." She was looking at Kaz while she said it, and finally he lightened up the tiniest bit.
"We'll be there too!", Jesper said and meant himself, Wylan and Matthias.
Then they all made their way to their respective rooms.
"We're going to the Barrel tomorrow, right? Zeynep? A deal is a deal!", Franzi blabbered.
Inej snorted. "You'll fit right in the Barrel talking like that."
Zeynep fondly rolled her eyes. "Yes, for the hundreth time! Right after the class trip to the castle. The boys are probably coming with us, too."
"They're not still trying to find the Wraith and Dirtyhands, are they?", Eva asked.
"No, but also, yes," Zeynep said. "Now it's the gambling halls they want to visit. But they're still debating it because Jesper and Wylan said they don't want to go."
A bald man in a suit walked past them.
"What are you guys doing while we're in the Barrel?", Franzi asked.
"I don't know. We could make a city tour?," Eva suggested. She didn't particulary care for Ketterdam, but it did have beautiful shopping miles.
"Yes! There's some corners I can recommend! And I need new shoes, I can barely even walk in these old things anymore," Nina complained. Eva frowned while looking at Nina's flawless leather boots. "What? You've all seen them already, that makes them old. What do you think, Inej?...Inej?!"
Eva looked back, and to her dismay, she saw Inej standing a few feet behind them, completely stiff and motionless.
"Inej!", Nina called out, concerned, and hurried back to her friend. Eva followed her.
Franzi and Zeynep stared until Zeynep quietly pulled Franzi away. "Let's go to the room."
Eva barely noticed it because her stomach was sinking looking at her friend. Inej's eyes were empty, dead, somehow. Did she have some sort of seizure? No...Inej had told her about this. Sometimes, when bad memories caught up with her, she just...disappeared out of her body. In that case, she had instructed Eva to talk to her to bring her back, and not touch her. She'd heard about things like this plenty of times. Dissociation. But she'd never seen it, and it scared her a little.
What had caused it? Their talk about the Barrel? Goodness grief, seeing her friend like this felt awful.
Nina didn't seem as overwhelmed. Instead, she happily talked about all sorts of Nothings. About how she wondered whether this hotel offered waffles for breakfast or not, if they could survive a whole week in a room with Franzi (who was a snorer), if some restaurant Eva didn't know still existed. Inej still didn't seem quite there, but she was slowly coming back.
"Can't you just use your powers and do something with her heart?", Eva quietly asked Nina. "Calm it down or something?"
Nina was a Grisha. A heartrenderer, to be exact, and a damn talented one at that. No wonder; Nina had spent her childhood at the little Palace. She'd been trained for this her entire life. But she just shook her head.
"It might be surprising, but taking control over someone else's body without their consent tends to not go over well for rape survivors, even if you do it for their own good."
Eva bit her lip. Then she tried to help Nina. "I brought the chips you like so much. We can share later. Or you can have the whole bag."
Inej blinked. She was shaking now.
"Are you okay, darling?", Nina asked. She looked concerned. Inej looked behind her back where the man in the suit had disappeared, and then it dawned on Eva. The realization felt like someone had dumped cold water over her head.
"You knew that man, didn't you?"
Inej didn't answer, and Eva felt sick. Finally, Inej said, so quietly that she almost couldn't hear her: "Most of my clients used to stay in this hotel. It's the closest to the Barrel."
Eva stared back to where the man had disappeared. He'd looked so normal, like your average dad, teacher, brother, friend. Like any man. Mister Lauber had also looked like any man. She shuddered again. Suddenly she felt the fierce need to protect Inej and hide her away.
"Fucking bastard," Nina spat. "You want me to go after him?"
Her answer came quicklier this time. "I want you to stay with me."
"Should we tell the boys not to come?", Eva asked gently, but Inej shook her head.
"You don't have to. I'm...not unhappy about company right now."
Hearing that made Eva feel slightly better. Usually Inej wanted to be alone when something triggered her. She was glad that now, she allowed her and the others to be there for her.
"Are you going to tell Kaz?"
Inej shook her head. "He's just going to worry, or go after the man, and I need him to rest."
Eva noticed that while she talked about Kaz, her voice grew steadier, and she came back to herself a little bit more. "I also don't want him to fight my battles."
When they arrived in their room, Zeynep and Franzi acted like nothing had happened. They smiled widely and Franzi exclaimed: "We have Netflix in here!!" while she pointed at the TV on the wall.
Inej excused herself to the bathroom, and only then Zeynep asked quietly: "Is everything okay with her?"
Eva nodded. "I think so."
"Did something trigger her?"
Eva cast a worried look at the bathroom door before she answered: "Yes."
"Poor her... can we help somehow?"
"I think she doesn't want to talk."
Zeynep nodded. Later, when the boys knocked, Inej was almost back to her old self, but Eva saw the glances Kaz shot in her direction. He seemed to sense that something was off. Finn had never been that sensible. She was glad she had told him to get lost after he had ghosted her for a month.
But she also saw now that Inej was right. Kaz could barely keep his eyes open despite the fact that everyone was so damn loud. Including Eva herself. Later Inej and Kaz left the room for a bit-only Eva seemed to have noticed- and after a while, only Inej came back.
"Everything okay between you and Kaz?", Eva asked her later, when everyone was gone.
Inej's face softened, a small smile formed on her lips. "He's a stubborn podge, that's all. He noticed I'd been quiet and asked me what was wrong. It was just like I said; after I'd told him, I had to threaten him with my knife so he wouldn't go after the man. I finally convinced him to go back to his room and rest."
"Don't you think he went after him after he left?", Zeynep asked, but Inej shook her head.
"He promised me not to, and he never breaks a promise."
Zeynep sighed. "Can you lend me some of your trust in men? I seem to have lost mine."
Inej laughed. "I don't trust men. Just this one."
"Which is further proof that you have lost your mind, but I digress," Nina said.
They kept talking and giggling for a while after that, and Eva fell asleep to their voices.
"YO! Look at that!" Erkan was showing Timo his phone. On it he could see an instagram picture of Zeynep, dressed in a revealing black top and looking into the camera seductively.
"Why don't you talk to her, bro? She was looking at you the whole evening!", Timo said.
"You think so?!"
"YEAH, definitely!"
He was already lying in the bed he had to share with Erkan. Kaz had been supposed to share the other bed with Ben, but he had just wordlessly grabbed his bedding and moved it to the couch. If it had been anyone else, Timo would have thought they were overreacting, but he knew Kaz was allergic to physical touch- he'd been involved in the elevator incident and still remembererd how pale and panicked Kaz had looked-, and Ben had even offered to give him his bed because, in his words, "I feel like an asshole if I let a cripple crash on the couch", but Kaz had waved it off, insisting he wouldn't be sleeping much anyway.
Indeed, he was still typing away on his laptop even though his eyes were starting to droop. Now, he snorted.
"What?", Timo asked.
"Nothing."
"Nah, come on, tell us!"
Kaz looked up from his screen with a mildly amused expression on his face. "She was looking at you because you every time you laughed, she got concerned you were choking. We all did, actually."
Ben and Timo broke into laughter at that, but Erkan seemed offended.
"While we're on the topic of women: what were you and Inej doing outside anyway?", Timo asked and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows.
Kaz's face darkened for a moment, and Timo wondered if he'd said the wrong thing- he wondered that a lot when he talked to Kaz actually. He liked Kaz, but he didn't know all that much about him. Like most other guys, he was a little intimidated by him. Not because he looked particulary strong or anything, but there was just something about him. He could take you apart with his words, and he knew no limit, nothing was too over-the-line for him. If he wanted something, he usually got it, even if that involved blackmail. At the same time, that tactic didn't seem to translate into taking advantage of girls. Kaz despised guys who did that. Timo was still 99% sure that he was responsible for Mister Lauber's premature dismissal after he'd sexually harrassed his female students.
To add to that, if his past was half as tragic as it was rumored, then he really had to be a tough guy, which had earned him a lot of respect. You don't survive being a homeless orphan in a place like a Barrel if you're weak.
It was no surprise that lots of ladies fancied him for that reason. Well, that, and the fact that many of them wanted to be "The One" who managed to get him to open up.
Not many knew though that Kaz and Inej were a thing.
"Talking," Kaz simply said. His tone didn't invite any more questions, and his eyes said Dare to ask more.
Timo defensively raised his hands. "All right, all right, just wondering. Hey, you're coming with us to the Barrel tomorrow, right?"
"No."
"Come ooon! You can show us all the cool places you know!"
"There are no cool places in the Barrel." He seemed to reconsider his words for a moment, then he said: "Except the Crow Club and The Silver Six. Definitely go there."
"Will they even let Timo in?", Erkan grinned. "Or does he need a legal guardian?"
"I look twenty! Kaz, don't I look twenty?"
Kaz yawned. "I don't care."
"That's as good as a Yes, coming from him."
He, Erkan and Ben kept teasing each other, until eventually, Erkan whispered: "Yo, look!"
He pointed towards the couch. Kaz had his eyes closed and was breathing in a steady rhythm, which was a sight so rare and alien that he almost didn't believe it for a moment. It seemed like he had fallen asleep in the middle of typing something, his hands were still resting on the keyboard. In a quiet agreement, they all suddenly made an effort to be extra quiet. Erkan got out of bed, snuck over to Kaz and gently took the laptop away from him to place it on the floor. Thankfully, it didn't wake him up.
For the rest of the night, they communicated in whispers.
It was one AM when the atmosphere changed. They'd just been quietly laughing at a dumb joke from Ben when there was movement coming from the sofa. They all immediately went silent and stared in Kaz's direction.
He had started mumbling to himself. Erkan snorted. "What is he saying?", he whispered.
They listened closer.
"No," Kaz breathed. His eyelids were fluttering and Timo realized that he was probably having a nightmare. His head was restlessly turning from one side to the other.
"Should we wake him up?", Ben asked.
And then the drama truly started. Kaz's breathing sped up, he started shaking. "Jordie..."
"I'm waking him up," Timo said and was already half out of his bed, when Kaz continued his mumbling: "Wake up...wake up, Jordie."
Timo reached out his hand and shook Kaz's shoulder. Yes, Kaz hated to be touched, but this had to be an exception, right?
But oh, how wrong he was. Kaz's eyes were suddenly open and as wide as plates and he was looking at Timo as if he was a monster or something. Erkan turned on the lights.
"Bro, it's okay!", he said desperately. "It's all right, you're safe!"
But Kaz was beyond listening. He was still breathing hard, his eyes were dancing around the room, and then they fell on Timo's hand that was still on his shoulder. Which was when he lost it for good. He shook it off and practically stumbled out of bed.
"Kaz!" Timo tried to calm him down by approaching him, but Kaz retreated like a scared animal. Then he jumped to his feet, and before they could stop him, he stormed out of the room.
Ben, Timo and Erkan stared at each other.
"Well, fuck."