Chapter Text
Ellie set the alarm by her bed for six, then reconsidered. She knew she'd have to make sure the boys were up and dressed and ready for school, that Alec would need a shower and so would she. The next morning would be chaotic and six o'clock just wouldn't be early enough. So she reset it for half-five. Then again, for five.
Really, she thought, I could set it for fifteen minutes from now and still wouldn't feel like I had enough time.
Christmas and New Year were just now wonderful memories. She'd resigned her traffic job before Christmas and had a lovely break with her family, but it was back to reality.
Tomorrow she'd wake up early, put on the suit, and accompany Alec into work and take her place as DS Ellie Collins, for the first time since she walked out of the CID after Joe's arrest. Lucy had once asked her if she'd ever consider evwr going back to CID during that long dark period before Joe's plea. "When hell freezes over," was her firm answer.
Ironically, their little part of the coast was having its' most severe cold snap in fifty years.
It would have been funny, if she hadn't been almost sick with anxiety.
Alec was putting Fred to bed that night, sensing that Ellie needed some space to get her head in the game for tomorrow. She suspected he was also trying not to think about Daisy going home to Sandbrook. He'd intended to take her home, but instead her mother had shown up on their doorstep within a day of their return from Glasgow and announced that she was ready to take Daisy back home. Tess had smiled kindly and told them she knew they had to be exhausted from all that driving and she wanted to help them out.
Alec and Ellie didn't believe her. Daisy had gone home, and as always the house felt like something was missing.
So, Alec was busy occupying his mind with his little boy, and Ellie was trying to get organized for the next day.
She pulled out gray trousers and a matching blazer, and then she searched for something warm to wear under it. She pulled out a gray and lavender argyle jumper, a dark green blouse, and a solid v-necked black jumper. She lay them on the bed and stared at them, utterly unable to make a decision.
This did not bode well for the next day. What if, she thought, on a rising tide of panic, she really needed to think and make a decision and she was utterly unable to. What if it put someone's life on the line? What if....
There were so many "what ifs". What if she went back and they caught a call out for a crime that rivaled Joe's, not that much could rival that.
What if her co-workers had no faith in her ability to be an investigator? She'd heard them whispering, she'd seen the stares, and the averted eyes of the people who couldn't quite make eye contact.
She stared at the clothes, and realized she was shaking. She took a deep breath but it didn't help the way her skin crawled with panic.
What if she just said sod it and didn't go back?
She took another breath, and another and surprisingly found that the panic was being replaced by anger. This was just something else she could lay at Joe's feet. She'd be damned if she'd let him take her confidence away. She made the decision that she simply would not let him have that power over her. She was stronger than that. When that thought crossed her mind, the shaking stopped and the tightness in her chest began to loosen.
"Right then, Joe," she said aloud to the empty room, "go the hell away. You're not taking this from me."
The bedroom door creaked open and Alec came in and took in the scene. "Fred's out," he said. "What isn't Joe taking away?"
Ellie rolled her eyes. "You heard that part, then?"
"I came in and saw you staring daggers at some jumpers and telling Joe to get the hell away. Piqued my interest. I like the purple jumper." He sank down on the bed, looking up at her expectantly.
"'S lavender."
Alec rolled his eyes.
"Think it looks professional enough? Maybe it'd be good for a casual day, but not nice enough for....oh, I don't know."
"I think you'd look fine. I also think you'd not normally be invoking Joe's name over a clothing choice, so....everything all right?"
Ellie tried to keep her tone light but her eyes gave her away. "I had a bit of an anxiety attack but I'm better now."
Alec reached out and took her hand and pulled her to him. She say down on the bed. "Are you?"
She sighed. "I'm a hot mess," she finally concluded. "But I absolutely refuse to let that son of a bitch have any more power over me. He's done."
Alec nodded, and he leaned in to kiss her gently. "He is. When you walk in tomorrow, you're DS Collins, and you're brilliant. Got that?"
"Yes, sir."
"Don't call me that at home," he said with a small smile.
"Don't call me Collins at home," she answered.
"You know me with names. It'll be a toss-up what comes out of my mouth."
Ellie chuckled. "And it'll be toss-up what comes out of mine when you do it. Keeps things exciting." She cupped his cheek, enjoying the feel of his scruff against her hand. "We can do this, right, Love?"
"Aye. We can." He sounded so sure of himself that she couldn't believe she'd ever entertained the thought of not going back. She reeled him in for a deeper kiss and for a while all worry was forgotten.
Afterwards she laid there next to him, listening as his breathing evened out, feeling as though she was boneless and sinking comfortably into the mattress. Reluctantly they both got up, dressed for bed, and crawled back under the covers. Ellie was making a mental to-do list of tomorrow's routine. Alec checked the alarm and muttered, "Blimey, that's early."
"I need a little extra time to get up to speed before I deal with with you lot in the morning. I'll wake you up."
"Let's get to sleep before that thing goes off," he sighed. They curled up together and Ellie felt the tug of slumber nearly immediately. Earlier she had thought she'd wouldn't get any sleep. She was pleasantly surprised.
****
As it turned out, the alarm didn't wake them. It was Alec's phone blaring at 3:15 that jolted them both out of sleep. Alec grunted and grabbed the phone, his heart racing. He thought perhaps there'd be a correction from the pacemaker but none came, an improvement over the past.
Ellie sat straight up and fumbled with the bedside lamp as Alec answered his phone.
"Hardy," he said, all business. Ellie was relieved it didn't seem to be an emergency with Daisy. She felt like her limbs were vibrating with the shock of the phone ringing.
He swore under his breath as he grabbed the notepad and pen he kept on his nightstand. "Right, then. I'll be in within the half hour, enough time's wasted. Get the team in. No bloody press." He sighed heavily and glanced at Ellie. Her eyes were as round as saucers, looking at him with something like horror. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be making her feel better any time soon. "Right. On the way."
Ellie watched as Alec disconnected the call. "What?" she asked as he got out of bed, pulling his t-shirt over his head. The raw anguish in his eyes made her breath catch.
"Two missing girls," Alec said gruffly. Ellie covered her mouth in shock. So it was as bad as she thought . She swung her legs over her side of the bed and switched off her alarm.
"Who?" Ellie asked.
"Angela Hinchcliffe and Andrea Bradley," Alec answered. "Never came home yesterday."
"They're two years ahead of Tom. Beth and I went to school with Nora Hinchcliffe, her mum."
"Angela told her mum she was staying with Andrea..."
"Andrea told hers she was staying with Angela, right?"
"Aye. Nora last saw them as she was leaving for work Saturday night. She works third shift. Beyond that I have no details."
"How are we just now getting the call?" Ellie asked.
Alec shrugged. "We shall find out," he said grimly. Ellie could see the exhaustion in his eyes, just from running through the logistics in his head. "Right, then, we'd better get our arses in gear."
Ellie was going through the logistics for getting her own boys where they needed to be before she joined the investigation. She nodded, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "First bloody day back," she said shakily.
"I know. I'm sorry," he said in a hushed voice. "We'd better get moving." He squeezed her hand. Ellie glanced at the clock. Not even four. She already felt like they'd been up for hours. It was going to be a very long day.