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Ted was so fucked.
Specifically, he thought he must be fucked in the head. Because somehow, after several years of being positive that whatever he and Paul had going on was strictly platonic, Ted looked at him one day and felt a flutter. He recognised that flutter. He’d felt it before, but never for Paul. If you’d asked him if he ever would, maybe a week ago, he would’ve laughed in your face. Paul was the human equivalent of a bowl of plain oatmeal. Why the fuck would Ted be attracted to that?
But apparently, it was possible to raise two kids with a guy, have his girlfriend move in and co-parent said kids with you, be the best man at his wedding, take in a third teenage kid when her shitty dad died because she happened to be your little brother’s girlfriend, and then catch feelings for said guy. Ted certainly wouldn’t have guessed, but fuck him, right? Why should anything be simple?
It wasn’t like nobody had seen it coming. Ted was like ninety percent sure that all of their co-workers already thought he and Paul had been boning for almost a decade at this point, and Pete and Richie had definitely spent a not-insignificant portion of their childhoods trying to play matchmaker for them.
Being surrounded by all that certainty that they had to be entangled in some non-platonic way had gotten in their heads before. Of course it had. But only ever to the extent of awkwardly trying to fool around together for like two seconds - because they needed to be sure - before just laughing and going “Nope, still not happening!” And that was that for another couple of years.
About a week after first noticing the ominous flutter, Ted found himself alone with Paul on the couch, late at night. Just late enough that everyone else had gone to bed, anyway. This situation was not helping matters. There was some bullshit on the TV that Ted wasn’t paying attention to. He kept stealing glances over at Paul, and a few times they made eye contact, Ted’s pulse quickening as he looked back at the TV. Or rather, through it. Real subtle, Spankoffski.
Some completely idiotic part of his brain kept telling him he should ask if Paul thought they should have another… test. That’s a really bad idea right now , he tried to tell himself. The guy had a wife , the three of them basically had kids, and the fate of this whole household felt like it was teetering in the balance and could be destroyed if Ted dared rock the boat. He couldn’t risk that. So he would just sit and stew forever maybe. That’d be totally healthy and fine. Whatever. He was a big boy, he could handle it.
“Hey, Ted?” Paul’s voice cut through his spiralling. Ted looked over, poker face engaged.
“Yeah?”
“I think, um…” Paul was picking nervously at a cushion. No way. No way was Paul about to hand him this excuse on a silver platter. Holy shit, calm down. Ted was pretty sure his palms were sweating. He tried to subtly wipe them on the couch. Paul continued. “I think we’re overdue a test. I-I mean, you know. Same old thing, probably, right? But I just want… to make sure.”
Well, if Paul thought it was okay, who was he to question that?
Ted tried not to sound too enthusiastic. He wasn’t sure he succeeded, but Paul was allergic to understanding tone, so maybe that was fine. “Yeah, sure man. C’mere.”
Paul nodded and shuffled closer to him. Ted suddenly felt transfixed. He saw Paul chew on his lip nervously, saw his tongue dash out to wet his chapped lips. Ted swallowed. Conflicting ideas fought to the death in his head as Paul’s face got closer and closer. He felt like the world was in slow motion.
Just kiss him, idiot. He literally asked you to.
You shouldn’t. You’re going to get carried away and that is a TERRIBLE idea. Tell him to stop. Say it.
Okay, it’s fine, you can handle this. Just act like you’re not interested. Let it go the way it always goes, and Paul will be none the wiser.
Christ, his lips look soft though.
And what if he also feels- Nope, nope, not even entertaining that. No.
Paul’s eyes closed. So did Ted’s. Their lips met, and any notion Ted had of not kissing back died instantly.
He just about managed to rein himself in enough to make it cautious at least. Tentative. After a few seconds, the moral part of his brain was insisting he should pull back and claim he felt nothing, same as always. He almost listened to it. And then something unbelievable happened.
Paul escalated. Ted felt fingers hesitantly working their way into his hair, felt Paul’s lips press that little bit more insistently on his, and fucking melted. He drew in a breath through his nose, his hand flew to Paul’s jaw, and he deepened the kiss. He felt Paul’s pulse fluttering under his fingers and suddenly he could barely breathe at all. He didn’t know why that was the thing that made it too real, but alarm bells reached a crescendo in Ted’s head and he pulled back suddenly, panting.
“Shit. Shit, shit . Paul, we- We can’t-” He glanced at the doorway that anyone who caught them would be standing in. He made damn sure his voice was a whisper. “We can’t do this.”
Suddenly the house felt eerily quiet as he watched Paul’s expression. He watched him cycle through alarm, then hurt, then confusion, then realisation. It would’ve been funny in any other context, watching him go through every emotion known to mankind in the span of about 5 seconds. But here and now it just made Ted feel vaguely sick.
“Oh! Oh Ted, no, it-” Paul laughed. Why the fuck was he laughing? Paul grabbed Ted’s hands and he almost pulled them away, even more confused now. “It’s okay. We, uhh. We talked about this. Emma won’t be mad.”
Ted blinked. He processed. Crashed. Rebooted. Processed again.
“You WHAT?!”
“We- God, sorry, I didn’t realise I hadn’t told you.” Paul had the decency to look a little apologetic, at least, for the fact he just let Ted think they were about to ruin everything. “It was a little while ago… Emma all of a sudden said to me, I've thought about it and I don’t mind if you sleep with Ted. And, um,” Paul looked away, letting go of Ted’s hands and picking at the sofa again. He started talking faster. “At the time, I didn’t really want to, so I told her that and she said okay, whatever, but if I ever change my mind it still stands unless she says otherwise. So...” he took a deep breath and let it out in a nervous laugh. Ted kinda hated the fact he wanted to call it adorable. “Yeah. Been thinking about it a different way lately, I guess.”
Ted didn’t quite know what to say, which was a rarity for him. He settled on, “Oh.”
“Yep.”
“So…” suddenly Paul was much too far away, actually. Ted shuffled closer and lifted his hand, ghosting his fingers over Paul’s jaw where they had sat before. He could’ve sworn he saw Paul shudder a little. “Is it okay?”
Paul smiled, mirth and fondness covering his face in a way that made Ted feel like he had finally snapped and must be hallucinating. Maybe that was fine. Fuck it. Whatever worked. Paul put his hand over Ted’s and guided it to fully rest where it had been hovering. He could feel Paul’s pulse again. It felt a little like coming home, and a lot like losing his grip on reality. “Yeah. Yeah, Ted, it- It’s more than okay.”
Ted could hardly breathe as he leaned in and muttered, “Awesome,” and claimed Paul’s lips with his own again. Then suddenly he felt like his heart could explode out of his chest at any moment. Their eyes fell shut and Paul’s fingers found their place back in his hair as the kiss deepened. Paul sighed against his lips in a way that seemed to say finally as he hooked both arms around Ted's neck and drew him closer , and a little voice in the back of Ted’s head agreed as he followed. Somehow, even though the dreaded flutter had only been plaguing him for a short while, it still felt on some level like they’d been drifting towards this for a long time.
Leaning halfway over Paul like this, warmth began to pool in his stomach, and ideas began to pool in his brain. He broke the kiss to catch his breath, pressing their foreheads together. What came out of his mouth then was probably really stupid, but he didn’t have the capacity to care, and it seemed neither did Paul.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
Ted found himself laughing, and heard it echo back from Paul. God, he loved that laugh. Paul cleared his throat.
“Maybe we should, um… I-I mean, if- If you also- I don’t wanna assume-“
Ted rolled his eyes. “Spit it out, buddy.”
Paul smacked him lightly on the arm. “Asshole. I’m trying.” Ted snickered. He knew. “I was just wondering if you wanted… to take this to your room?”
“Oh yeah?” Ted couldn’t help the lecherous smirk that spread over his face at that. Paul rolled his eyes back at him, but it didn’t look very scathing with his hair all messy and his face slightly flushed. Cute.
“Well, you know. There’s a lot of people in this house who could get up to go to the bathroom or something. The couch might not be ideal.”
Images of potential sleepy and confused faces peering at him from the doorway flashed through Ted’s mind. He winced. “Okay, good point.”
He had barely shut his door behind them before Paul’s lips were back on his, and his fingers were clumsily trying to find his shirt buttons. Ted kissed back happily, huffing a little laugh through his nose. There was a certain ease to kissing someone the exact same height as him that didn’t quite go unnoticed. One less thing to think about.
Then Paul gave him one more thing to think about; the way he was holding his cheek and gently stroking it with his thumb. It matched the way Paul was settling into kissing him; soft. Tender. Slow.
Ted really didn’t know what to do with any of that.
Sex, in his experience, had always been something fiery. Something hurried and sweaty. Something between people who maybe didn’t know each other very well, and were just chasing simple pleasure. A means to an end.
It was beginning to dawn on him how different this would be. This wasn’t some guy he met at a bar that evening. This was Paul. They’d raised two kids together, they had a life together. They’d known each other longer than anyone else in this crowded home had. Paul was his best friend. Ted had been the best man at his wedding, for Christ’s sake.
Suddenly, Ted didn’t quite know what to do, and that was not okay. He froze. He was supposed to be the sex guy. If he couldn’t even fuck properly then who even was -
“Ted.” Shit. He’d started spiralling and not realised Paul had stopped kissing him. Ted opened his eyes, and the concern on the other man’s face was staggering. Paul rubbed Ted’s cheek gently with his thumb again, and it was like a rock in the rapids; something to cling to. Ted let out a wobbly laugh, mad at himself for ruining the moment.
“God, sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“ Ted. ” Paul’s voice was firm but kind, and it began dragging his brain back down to earth. “We can stop any time, you know.”
“No! No, that’s not-” Ted took a deep breath. “That’s not it. I just, uh…” The comforting warmth of Paul’s hand cradling his face disappeared as Paul sat down on the side of the bed, gesturing for Ted to sit next to him. Yeah, okay, he could probably use that. Ted flopped down beside him unceremoniously. “I’m just not used to sex - or whatever this is - being so…” Ted searched for a word that wouldn’t reveal how he was starting to feel about this, that wouldn’t be agonisingly vulnerable, but he came up empty. He sighed. Fuck it. “... so tender . Y’know?”
Paul was quiet for a moment, seemingly processing that. Ted could only assume he was re-evaluating whatever his preconceived notions of Ted’s sex life had been, or his preconceived notions about what sex between them specifically would be, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know either way right now.
“Okay… okay. That makes sense. So does that mean you… don’t want it to be like that, and we should switch it up? Or you just need a minute to adjust to it?”
Ted considered that. As jarring as it had been when he was expecting to have a tongue down his throat… being kissed so gently it was like Paul thought he was made of tissue paper wasn’t a bad time. He decided he wouldn’t mind a little more of it. “... Adjust. I think.”
“Yeah?”
Ted turned just enough to look at Paul from the corner of his eye. When he saw the transparently hopeful look on his face, he felt himself grin, and his worries melted away. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Paul hooked a finger gently under Ted’s chin, and then he was kissing him again. It was a good thing Ted was already sitting down, because he might’ve gone weak at the knees at that otherwise.
Before he knew it, Ted was lying on his back, with Paul on top of him peppering soft kisses along his jaw and down his neck.
Ted truly was fucked, in every sense of the word.