Chapter Text
“Oh Ty, glad I caught ya bud, we’ve gotta dip because Jess promised the sitter we’d be home an hour ago, but this has been awesome, thanks so much,”
“Thanks for coming, so good to see you both. I’ll catch you at work on Monday?”
“Sure thing. Your boyfriend, he’s the sparkly skeleton, no?”
“Yeah,”
“He’s wild bro, he’s crazy wild, life of the party, I love him,”
“That’s my man,”
“Alright I can feel Jess’s eyes burning straight through me, I gotta go, but thanks again. Happy Halloween,”
“Cheers for coming bud,”
“Bye,” Matt waved as he made his way through the crowd to his wife getting their coats by the door.
Tyler barely had time to spin around before he heard a crashing sound from outside and had to suppress a sigh as he weaved his way through sexy devils and vampires spilling beer and bright red punch on his carpet.
They had a bonfire burning a little too tall for Tyler’s liking, flames flicking off in every direction and illuminating their garden with a creepy orange glow. A portable speaker was maxed out on the garden table, blurting a playlist he’d found on Spotify 10 minutes before their first guests arrived, but the buzz of talking and laughing was far louder.
In the middle of a small crowd near the fire, Josh was standing on a cool box addressing everyone, red cup sloshing around in his hand.
“Clap if youuu, if you think I sh’do it!” He screamed out to his audience.
“He’s yours, huh?” A guy in a pirate costume said to Tyler.
“Yep.” He had to try hard not to sigh again.
“Pretty sure he’s about to kill himself.”
“I’m on it.”
Some people were drunker than others, Josh was the drunkest. Josh was always the drunkest.
“Baby!!!! Ev-everyone look! Iz Tyyyleer!!”
“Josh sweetheart, get down from there,”
“I’m, I gonna jump o’the fffire!”
“No you’re not, get down.”
“Booooooo! Erryone, booooooo!” A few of the drunker guests joined in with him.
“Josh, please.”
“Nooooo,”
“Josh, I’m not playing babe, get down.”
“You’re so fucking boring Tyler!” Josh spat viciously. Nobody said a word. “You’re fucking boring.”
There was a hatred in Josh’s drunken eyes that cut straight through him.
“Sommmmeeebody count me dowwwwnnn! I’m hurdling the fireee!” He turned back to the people who would enable him the most.
“10! 9! 8!”
“He’s not jumping the fire.” Tyler couldn’t believe he had to tell the group of 30-something year olds that. Not that they paid any attention.
“7! 6! 5!”
“Josh, get inside. Inside!” He had to pull on his boyfriend’s arm a little harder than he wanted to in order to get him off his platform, and Josh lost his balance momentarily and ended up dropping his cup on the floor.
“What the fuck?!” Josh shoved Tyler with both hands, almost making him fall backwards. The crowd gathered around them.
“I’m not doing this with you here Josh, please, just don’t go near that fire or I’ll-“
“What, huh?? What?!”
“Come on mate,” someone intervened. They were in costume but didn’t sound familiar. It only took a second for Tyler to realise they were defending Josh, not him. “He’s only having a bit of fun, leave off,”
“Yeehhhh! Leave off, assssshole!” Josh got in Tyler’s face but the stench of his breath made Tyler duck away more than any fear.
“You can be the one to call the ambulance when this inevitably goes wrong,” he told the guy on Josh’s side, then walked away.
He’d had to get really fucking good at walking away.
With his back turned to them and the fire, the counting started up again. Then there was a collection of gasps and whoops and cheers, nothing that sounded like a serious injury, so Tyler kept walking further and further away from his boyfriend.
People were everywhere. He swore they agreed to a closed guest list, just a handful of their best friends and the odd colleague or high school reunion, not half the fucking neighbourhood. The fancy dress was supposed to be the fun part of Halloween but it meant Tyler was disoriented and lost in a sea of unrecognisable people who’d consumed every inch of his home.
He pushed past the ever multiplying black cat costumes and caught sight of a hulk in full face paint smashing a beer bottle against the wall as he fought his way to the bedroom, just wanting to be alone. Not only was there a naked couple in his bed, the woman was throwing up all over his pillow.
He said nothing, just closed the door and left.
A creepy clown tried to jump out and scare him as he made his way back down the hall but Tyler brushed him aside, then left out of the front door. Half the street was lined with poorly parked cars and even from the front of the house, Tyler could hear his boyfriend screaming and cheering to his friends. He walked further down the unlit street to get away from any reminder of Josh.
“Jesus fuck man, my head,” Josh dragged his feet as he walked into the living room the following afternoon. Tyler had been awake for hours, cleaning.
“There’s the berocca tablets in the cupboard by the kettle.”
“I know, I put them there.”
He hadn’t. Josh always got them out and Tyler always put them away, every single time.
“I, uh, I fell asleep on the bathroom floor,” he declared somewhat proudly.
“There was a guy in the bath next to you but he left about 3 hours ago,”
“In the bath? Who?”
“No idea, he was dressed as beetlejuice,”
“Ohhhh that dude, he was fun, I thought he was your friend?”
“Nope never met him before,”
“Good cos I gave him a blowjob.”
Tyler didn’t react.
“Joking joking! Jees,” he flopped down on the couch next to Tyler and sighed. He smelt of booze and smoke. “Anyone else still around?”
“It’s 3.30, everyone’s gone,”
“BJ only left a little bit ago,”
“I kicked everyone else out earlier, he was the last one here and I didn’t wake him because I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You’re a cutie,” Josh touched Tyler’s arm briefly. It took everything in him not to flinch away.
“I thought you weren’t going to get that drunk last night, Josh.”
“It was Halloween.”
“You promised me.”
“It was Halloween and you were the one who proposed we host a party, so excuse me for actually wanting to enjoy it, unlike some people.”
“I said we should have a get together.”
“A get together??”
“Yes, a mature get together with a campfire and a guitar, not whatever last night was,”
“Last night was fucking amazing, not whatever snooze fest you had lined up,”
“Josh, we’re 32 years old, we have responsibilities and obligations and our friends have kids, and we’re adults. We can’t be getting fucked up and sleeping half the day away on the bathroom floor,”
“It was Halloween!”
“Oh let’s not pretend that isn’t going to happen again in the next week, Josh.”
“You’re so boring.” He stood up and went straight to the pack of bud lights he’d somehow kept hidden from last night’s crowd, twisting the cap off and chucking it on the floor.
“Seriously? Seriously?”
“Hair of the dog, only way I’m getting through today.”
“Only way you get through any day.”
“Oh fuck you Tyler.”
“Always a pleasure Josh.”
Despite the hours and hours of cleaning, their house was still a state and Tyler felt stressed just sitting in the filth. He always felt stressed at home.
“Someone took my speaker and all the plant pots outback are smashed and we lost basically all our plates, so I’m going to town to get some replacements soon. They also broke the photo frame my nephew made me but they don’t sell those anywhere.”
“Anybody go in my studio?”
“Don’t think so. It was locked when I went to check this morning.”
“Good.”
“Yep, long as your shit is okay, who gives a fuck about my sentimental belongings, hey?”
“What do you want me to say, dick, I am sooooooo soooooo sorry that you didn’t think to put away something you wanted safe before inviting a thousand fucking drunks over. Hardly my fault Ty.”
“I didn’t think a thousand drunks were coming, I thought it was a dozen colleagues and friends for a chill night.”
“And that’s why you bought hundreds of red cups, right? Red cups and dozens of bags of chips and enough punch for an army - that’s the behaviour of someone not expecting a party, yeah? You’ve got a real mean streak in you Tyler of blaming every single fucking thing on me and I’m sick of it! I’m sick of it! If you want me to be the bad guy then go ahead and twist it to be that way in your head, just don’t expect to be allowed to say that crap out loud and get away with it around me.”
“You embarrassed me last night, Josh.”
“I embarrassed you? I embarrassed you? Tyler you tried to humiliate me in front of everyone! As per fucking usual!”
“No I didn’t, I tried to stop you jumping in a 6ft fire.”
“You just love to paint yourself as the hero! I was clowning around with my buddies and I obviously just jumped the fucking edge and it was absolutely fine! You didn’t need to stick your nose in-“
“People were worried Josh, people were talking about you,”
“Why do you think that’s a helpful thing to say?? Do you want me paranoid and self conscious? Because if we’re playing that game, everyone was talking about you too! Everyone kept asking what the fuck was crawling up your ass and then where the fuck did you vanish off to and at no point did I feel the need to blow it up into a big deal, can’t you do me the same courtesy?”
“It’s not the same at all.” Tyler scoffed in disbelief. “I went for a walk because I was gonna burst into tears and I slept in my car because two strangers fucked in our bed then puked on my pillow. That’s not abnormal behaviour from me.”
“And getting drunk with my buddies is not abnormal for me!”
“I know Josh! I fucking know! That’s the problem!”
They always went round and round in circles.
“I’m going to town.”
“Grab me a pack-“
“No.”
“I’ll finish that pack and drink-drive to go get more then I guess.”
“You’re a piece of fucking work Josh.”
“And you’re an asshole.”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you.”
The drive to the store was a little over 10 minutes and he only needed a few bits so the job could easily have been done in under an hour, but Tyler sat in his car listening to a crappy radio station for an hour before shopping, then for an hour afterwards in the McDonald’s car park, working his way through 20 nuggets.
He didn’t want to go home, but he did.
Josh was crying in the garden.
Tyler unpacked the new plates and gave them a rinse before stacking them in the rack to dry, then begrudgingly slipped the new pack of beers into the slot Josh kept them, knowing he was serious about driving to get them himself. Next he popped the speaker on the counter and carried the new plant pots out into the garden from the car 2 at a time. It was dark so repotting would have to wait till morning.
Josh was in his usual crying spot, the bench at the bottom of the garden, under the tree Tyler’s parents had bought the couple for their 5th anniversary of being together. They were approaching 12 years now and the tree still blossomed every spring.
“Ty! You came back!” He hiccuped. The bottles were scattered around his feet.
“Hey darling,”
“I was wworried!”
“You don’t have to be worried. Can I sit with you?”
He bobbed his head in a drunken nod.
“I went to McDonald’s without you,” Tyler let himself under the blanket Josh had dragged down with him and cuddled up to his boyfriend, who dropped his head against Tyler’s chest.
“Oi,” He whispered in exaggerated annoyance.
“I was annoyed at you so it was my little act of revenge,” he confessed with a small smile. “You okay my love?”
“I feel baaad,”
“What’s got you feeling bad?”
“Jamie sent me a video an, an, an I didn’t mean it,”
“What video?”
“Me. I, I, I broke your pots. I didn’t remember, it was me.”
“It’s okay love, they were on sale in Target so I picked up 8 new ones, tomorrow I’ll do a spot of gardening. If any of my flowers got hurt then that’s just a fun excuse for me to go to the garden centre, which you know I love.”
There was a silent understanding that Tyler was taking one for the team. At least he hoped Josh could comprehend the grace he was showing by not reacting negatively at all. Of course he was annoyed that his lover had intentionally destroyed something that made him happy, he was just choosing to overlook it.
“I'll send y’money.”
“I bought them out of the joint account.”
“I, I, I, I han’t put money in it in years.”
“Dry spell. You’ll see business pick up again soon, it’s okay my love.”
Josh was an artist. At one point he’d been incredibly successful in the small pond they called home, but interest in his paintings had dropped off in recent times. Tyler’s 9 to 5 paid the bills.
“Ebba flow.”
“Ebb and flow, exactly my darling,” Tyler always reassured him on the matter with those words. “Have you done any painting today?”
“No.”
“Maybe tomorrow, hey?”
“Ilostit,”
“What did you lose?”
“The knnnnack, the spark, the, the, the magic.”
“You’ve got the skills, you just need some inspiration, right? And you can’t force that. It’ll come.”
They talked about Josh a lot. They talked about his paintings and his feelings and his hopes and his fears a lot. Tyler knew his job in marketing wasn’t anywhere near as interesting, but he still had things he wished Josh would ask about.
“I’m s-sorry Ty,”
“It’s alright baby, it’s alright, I’m sorry too. I wasn’t nice either.”
“It’s not alright, I’m p-pathetic,”
“It’s been tough lately, I understand,”
“I wanna be better than thisss,” he cried against Tyler’s shirt.
“Should we call this weekend a blip? Blame the festivities? Try again fresh tomorrow?”
“I s-screw e-everything up e-everyt-time,”
“We both have our bad days, and when we both coincidentally have our bad days on the same day then it kinda sucks, but ultimately we love each other and we’ll fall into a better rhythm again soon.”
“You a-always say it’ll get b-better but it’s b-been y-years! Years!”
“It’s not been all bad,”
“Just m-mos-mostly.”
“You’re drunk, it’s cold out, you hardly had a restful night on the bathroom floor. Why don’t I run you a bath and I’ll get all the bedding out of the dryer and make the bed, then we can try sleeping? You might feel better in the morning.”
“I w-won’t,”
“Let’s try.”