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Now and then, your name comes up in conversation with my friends
Peter is doing his normal job, dishing out espressos way faster than a human should, when he subconsciously tunes into his co-workers conversation in the background. "Did you hear? The winter soldier single handedly stopped a bank robbery-"
'His name is Bucky.' He wants to yell directly into the blonde's ear. But those days of being a correcting boyfriend are over. And it's his fault.
Like, how are you?
Every morning for the last six months Peter has woken up with a heart-shattering pain, an ache, yearning for his former boyfriend. What if something happens to him on a mission that Spider-Man doesn't go on? It's torture to stand by the Winter soldier and act like there isn't 5 million questions he wants to ask, because that's weird apparently. Pete is strongly considering being a weirdo.
When he hears 'avengers' and 'injured' in the same sentence his entire world stops. And for a moment he feels like stopping with it.
And boy, you know I've tried to pray. I've tried to bring you back to me.
Manifestation, shifting, prayer, rituals, wishing on a star, you name it and Peter has tried it. He's truly desperate.
There's a big black hole where my heart used to be.
Emptiness. That's all Pete feels now. His apartment is mostly empty just like his contact list, social life, and everything else he's attempted to piece together post-spell. Peter wouldn't be surprised if someone told him there's a black hole hovering above him, sucking everything in its proximity into it.
I tried my best to fill it up with things I don't need.
Don't get it wrong, Peter doesn't want to be this miserable. But it seems like everything he does goes to shit. For example, he went on a date a few weeks ago. At the end the guy apologized and said 'I'm sorry but something about you seems off.' While Pete was walking home he thought about what could be 'off' about himself. Maybe he acted funny, maybe he's just not his type, maybe it's because his heart fully belongs to another man.
I wish that you would realise I'm all that you need
Sometimes Peter idly wonders if Bucky feels the same thing he does. But he quickly curses himself for thinking something so stupid. After all, who would feel bad about losing a nobody like Peter Parker?
Without a trace.
You disappeared and took some of me with you, babe
Like the way I used to laugh until my belly ache.
"Peter?" Bucky calls from the lab entrance. "Yes babe-" Peter spins around in his chair, only to come to a grinding halt when he sees Bucky standing in the entrance, wearing a (VERY tight) Spider-Man suit. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING-" Peter falls out of his chair while laughing his ass off. "Wow, that really hurts my feelings babe," Bucky says with a fake pout "I guess you don't wanna join me up in our bedroom since everyone is gone for awhile." He shouts as he walks out of the lab in a dramatic manner.
Eventually Peter stops laughing and his brain processes what Bucky said. "Now wait a minute, I never said that!" He yells while running after him.
Well that's all gone away now, yeah.
Peter shot up in his bed with a cold sweat, disoriented from his dream. You'd think he just had a nightmare, but no, it was a memory of him and Bucky together. It's unbearable, your own brain not letting you move on from something you can't have ever again. Maybe he should've asked Dr. Strange to wipe his memory along with the rest.
I've tried my best to find some kind of peace
Peter tries to see the bright side of this. Without the spell the universe would be destroyed, and he'd much rather have a Bucky that doesn't remember him than a dead one. Sometimes Pete wonders if he was just weighing him down, because post-spell him, Steve, and Sam seem to be doing some incredible stuff together. Last he heard they took down some group called the 'banner crushers' or something like that. But at the end of the day, Peter still feels empty. And he always will be without his soulmate.
FIN