Work Text:
“Where is he? We’ve scanned the entirety of Kryptarium.”
“He can't have gotten far. Keep searching!”
“Did they take him?”
“I am not recognizing any signs of Lloyd in this area.”
“You don’t think…”
“Let’s not worry about that.”
Every second that passed was like a pin stuck in Kai’s chest. Prick, prick, prick. They were lucky enough to not see what happened to Lloyd on the TV, broadcast across all of Ninjago before the Colossus’s invasion truly began, but they gathered that Lloyd needed to be rescued. ASAP.
Fortunately, they had some of their vehicles. Jay, Nya, and Zane patrolled from above, trying to get any sky readings on Lloyd’s vitals. Meanwhile, Kai and Cole were on their bikes, speeding around the perimeter. Even after almost an hour of searching, they hadn’t found him. Kai counted each second passing by. Tick tick tick. With each one, another prick. Prick prick prick.
Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick.
Even if they hadn’t seen Lloyd’s defeat, they’d been told it was bad. Misako barely held herself together while she told them. They’d sent her to get to safety with Wu. Who knew if they could be next.
Tick prick. Tick prick. Tick prick.
How long did they have? How long could Lloyd hold on? What if they were too late? What if they failed him?
Tick prick tick prick tick prick.
How could Kai have been so stupid?! He should’ve recognized the kid’s ploy immediately. He was pulling the same shit just a few years ago, back when he stupidly believed he was the Green Ninja. Right now, he wished he’d been right. Maybe if it was him, then Lloyd would be okay. They wouldn’t be looking for him. He’d be okay. If only Kai had realized what was going on. If only he’d stopped him. Why didn’t he stop him? How could he have fucked up this badly? Lloyd was hurt and it was his fault. He was supposed to protect him. He’d failed. Lloyd was laying in the dirt, dying, and it was all his fau--
“Kai! ”
“Can you hear us?”
“What are you doing?!”
Tick prick tick prick tick prick.
There was no time left.
Tick prick tick prick tick prick .
They were never going to find him.
TICK PRICK TICK PRICK TICK PRICK.
Lloyd was dead.
Tick-
And-
Prick-
It-
Tick -
Was-
Prick-
Kai’s-
Tick-
Fault.
Prick.
…
“Kai! Answer us!”
“Cole? What’s going on with him?”
Firm hands brought Kai back to himself. Part of himself anyway. The warm weight on his shoulder and the feeling of his worn gi rubbing against his skin was all he could feel. He could hear his teammates shouting his name, but he couldn’t say anything. His throat felt swollen shut, choking him with panic and fear. His head throbbed, his thoughts pinging off the walls of his skull and each other, each impact a sucker punch delivered from the inside. Was he breathing? He couldn’t tell. All the air felt like it was sapped from his lungs, vacuumed out. Any time he tried to suck air in, to get any kind of relief, it felt like he was inhaling hot steam. It clogged his sinuses, making it even harder than before to just breathe .
“Kai!”
The weight left and was replaced by someone taking his hands. Cole placed them together in his own and squeezed.
“He’s having a panic attack!”
A panic attack? Was that what this was? Kai had them before, once or twice, was this one too? He shut his eyes. The pain felt like it was right behind them, blinding him.
“Kai, look at me. Look at me, please.”
He couldn’t. He couldn’t. Just like he couldn’t protect Lloyd. He tried. He raised his head and tried opening his eyes but it wouldn’t work. They wouldn’t open. Could he do anything right?!
“It’s okay. I need you to take a deep breath.”
Kai opened his mouth and inhaled a gallon of air that expelled from his lungs in a wail.
“Zane! Get down here. Shit. Quickly!”
Just like that, it was like a dam broken open and all of the pain from within Kai came spilling out in an unstoppable wave. He could no longer hear anything, just his own voice. His screams.
He barely registered cold in his hands, focused in his palms, and the sensation of freezing water dripping through his fingers. He quieted until his screams became heavy, wet sobs that shook his entire body. His tears fell on the sand and mixed with the dripping water.
After a moment of time marked only by the ice he held fully melting, Kai returned to himself. His head still felt like it was caught in a vice, and his throat and voice were raw, but he was back.
Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick.
And so was that stupid noise, reminding him that this selfish moment had a cost. He’d taken manpower away from Lloyd’s rescue. Cole and Zane (and likely Jay and Nya too) had to pause to calm him , and for what? Because he got wrapped up in some stupid pity party?
“Kai? Can you hear me?”
“...” He swallowed, the lump grating on his sore vocal chords. “Yeah. I can.”
“Good. Do you need more ice?”
“Nah. I’m alright.”
Zane frowned. “I seriously doubt that. You were in the middle of a serious panic attack.”
“I’m good now. C’mon, let’s get back to finding Lloyd--” Kai tried to get up, but Zane quickly pushed him back down.
“No. You are in no state to operate your vehicle. I will stay here with you, the others will find Lloyd.”
“What?! No, Zane, that’s crazy. He needs me- us -”
“With all due respect, Kai, I believe it is better if you rest. We will find Lloyd soon.”
Not two men down. Not when we don’t know how much longer Lloyd can hold on. Not when it’s our job to protect him. Not when it’s my job to protect him.
Without a word, Zane formed another ice cube and pushed it into Kai’s hand. He squeezed it, trying to focus on the shock of the cold instead of his rapidly spiraling thoughts.
Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick. Tick. Prick.
The noise lingered, seconds ticking away in time with the pounding of his skull and continued aching of his heart. Kai didn’t know how much time passed. His brain felt like it was going through a total shutdown, like an overclocked computer.
Finally, he heard Nya’s voice over Zane’s communicator.
“I found him!”
Zane immediately reached up to answer. “Is he alright?”
“He’s breathing,” Nya’s voice crackled, “but he’s in bad shape. We need to get him somewhere to lay low and rest.”
In a moment, Kai felt the tension in his body dissipate. Lloyd was alive, alive , alive. The gears in his mind turned again, pushing past the towering wall of his migraine to suggest their next course of action.
“Mystake’s. Take him to Mystake’s.”
“Good idea.” Zane pressed a button on his communicator. “Did you catch that, Nya? Kai said we should take him to Mystake’s.”
“Agreed. Can you load him up on your jet and meet us there? Jay and Cole will retrieve his bike. I’ve got Lloyd safely loaded up in here.”
“Affirmative. We’ll meet you there.” Once his mic was off, Zane let out a long sigh.
“I’m sorry,” Kai said.
“For what?”
“For freaking out. I can’t believe I just lost it like that…”
“It is a stressful time, Kai. You can hardly be blamed for your reaction.”
“No one else had a panic attack.”
“Yet,” Zane pointed out.
“Okay, no one had it while we were in the middle of an important mission.”
“Again, you cannot be blamed for it. It was not your fault.”
“It was, I--”
“ Kai .”
He sighed. “Sorry, I just… I dunno.” His voice cracked again. Zane was just trying to make him feel better. He knew that. He didn’t need that. He screwed up and he should own up to it. They were lucky Nya found him. If it weren’t for Kai, they might have done it sooner. If Lloyd didn’t recover, or if he was permanently hurt… Kai didn’t know how he’d live with himself.
Zane pulled him up from the ground. “It is alright, Kai. We will discuss it.”
As he hopped into the back of Zane’s helicopter, Kai silently hoped they wouldn’t. At least, not until Lloyd was okay. As soon as Lloyd was safe, as soon as he didn’t need them, then Kai and Zane could talk.