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Pearl stared at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. She glanced at the clock which flashed 5:00 a.m. She groaned and sat up on her bed. 'Time to start the day' she thought bitterly. She would have loved to just go back to sleep.
She picked up her comm, hoping that there would be something to distract her.
< No new messages >
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It was noon and Pearl was thoroughly and completed bored. Moreover the silence was driving her crazy. She pulled out her comm, hovering over Gem's contant.
She hesitated.
Are you really going to bother her for something as silly as boredom?
She froze at the thought.
You already hang out way too much with them. They are probably sick of you by now.
Logically, she knew that wasn't true. Logically she knew that if she messaged or called any of the hermits, especially her Soup Group, they would drop everything to help her.
But what's the fun in thinking logically?
They're probably out there having a great time without you. After all you are just a witch .
Her hands shook at the thought. Her vision blurred with tears. She didn't feel like leaving her base all of a sudden.
They wouldn't care if you died. They would move on.
She chocked back a sob, pulling her knees close to her chest and resting her head on them.
The powdered snow bucket weighted heavily in her inventory. She got used to carrying the item along after the disaster that was double life.
Pull out the bucket and let yourself freeze to death.
She bit her lip hard. Blood welled from the cut. She didn't notice the pain.
Do it. Kill yourself. Free the world from your clingy presence.
She pulled out the bucket, not really thinking about what she was doing. She dumped the snow on the ground in front of her and stepped into the chilling cold.
She knew she shouldn't relapse. Hurting herself wasn't a good coping mechanism. She promised herself she wouldn't do it.
Just goes to show that you are a liar.
She distantly felt tears slide down her cheeks, freezing as they hit the snow below her.
The pain startes to set in. She could feel herself taking damage from the snow. She didn't care anymore. She needed to hurt.
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She finally snapped out of it when she reached one heart of health left. She scrambled out of the snow, breathing hard.
Oh no what had she done.
She promised herself she wouldn't relapse, wouldn't hurt herself, wouldn't pull out the snow.
She lied she lied she liedsheliedSHELIED SHE WAS A LIAR AND DESERVED TO HURT.
She took a deep breath and pulled out her comm.
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<Pearla> hekp
<Pearla> i did a bad thing
<Gemmie> ????
<Gemmie> Pearl where are you?
<Pearla> Megs basr
<Pearla> Im soery
<Pearla> I didnt mesn to
<Gemmie> Hang on Pearl I'm omw
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Pearl heard the tell-tale fwee of rockets outside. She heard frantic footsteps and a worried voice calling her name. She tried to respond but she was too tired.
She saw Gem enter her room, her face flashing from worried, to horror, to deep concern.
"Oh Pearl... " She whispered softly.
She slowly came nearer, as if she was approaching a wild, terrified animal.
"Can I hug you?" She asked cautiously.
Pearl gave her a small nod. Gem launched herself forward and pulled Pearl into a tight hug. She melted at the touch and started crying quietly. Gem rubbed soothing circles on her back.
"Pearla, can you look at me?"
Pearl slowly looked at Gem.
"Do you want to talk about what happened buddy? I'm not mad or disappointed, I just want to help", Gem explained softly.
" I- I'm sorry. I know you all are tired of me being so clingy" Pearl said between sobs.
"Pearl, you are definitely not clingy and I will ALWAYS be here if you need me. I will NEVER get annoyed if you need help."
Later Pearl would talk about her intrusive thoughts with Gem and Impulse.
Later Xisuma would ask her about considering therapy.
Later she would heal.
But for now she could stay comfortably in her best friend's arms and know that she was safe and loved.