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“You sure you don’t wanna play, Greenbean?” Kai asked, throwing himself haphazardly onto the couch, controller in hand. “We missed out on, like, seven Fist to Face updates, and I’m finishing at least five tonight.”
Lloyd laughed. “You’re barely gonna get through three before you quit.”
“If you’re not gonna play, can I?” Sora interjected before Kai could make his scathing reply.
“All yours,” Lloyd said, curling up in an armchair with his scroll.
Nya perched on the arm next to him with a wicked grin. “This should be good.”
As seriously as Lloyd took his job, he couldn’t deny that he loved his off-time with his family. And while there never seemed to be time for that during death-defying missions with the threat of disrupting the balance of the universe looming over their heads, there was plenty of time for it right now. It had been a few weeks since the battle at Imperium, and the ninja had been able to ease back on their rough schedules, devoting more time to finding their missing members, stopping regular old crimes, and kicking their feet up by the time the sun was setting to enjoy some well-earnt downtime before the next danger to the sixteen realms came barging up the monastery stairs.
That wasn’t all Lloyd was doing. He was also looking ahead. Planning their next move. Reviewing strategies for when Ras would strike next.
But that’s not what the scrolls were for. And it certainly wasn’t the reason why the smile on his face felt strained for the better part of each day, or why his eyelids felt impossibly heavy, even as he downed his fifth cup of coffee in a last-ditch effort to stay awake.
He didn’t realise he was drifting off until gleeful shouts forcefully pulled him out of his stupor. Nya and Arin were cheering on Sora as she effortlessly obliterated Kai, much to his indignation.
“Wha - are you serious, you can’t even use that powerup until you level up!”
“Well, guess who just levelled up,” Sora said with a smirk.
Clearly on his last nerve considering his hair had started smoking, Kai retorted, “ No , you levelled up after using the powerup, which you somehow managed to do using your elemental power, which is cheating . Therefore, the win is invalid.”
“ Therefore ?” Nya teased. “Big words for a man that just lost twelve-nil.”
“Kai’s reasoning is not entirely unfounded,” Zane chimed in, popping his head out from the kitchen. “I endorse a rematch.”
Sora scowled. “Hey, no one told me elemental powers are off the table!”
“I vote rematch!” Arin said.
“Who’s side are you on?” Sora asked, affronted.
“I was on yours, but this way is more fun,” Arin grinned mischievously.
“Watching Kai lose a second time?” Cole said. “I’m in.”
Lloyd felt Nya’s weight lift off the armchair as she moved to settle next to Sora on the couch, taking her by the shoulders and directing both of their views towards the screen. “Listen, kid. The odds are still in your favour. The truth is, you’re a better player than Kai will ever be. You’re smarter. Tougher. Less cowardly. Much better looking-”
“You done?” Kai asked dryly.
“Let me finish,” she snapped. “Kick his ass, Sora. You’ve got this.”
The room erupted in cheers.
Lloyd winced at the noise.
“Seriously? Is no one on my side?” Kai asked. “Lloyd?”
“Yeah, no. I prefer to take the winning side,” he responded without looking up.
“You little-”
“I’m on your side!” Wyldfyre yelled in an unnecessarily loud fashion.
“ Thank you.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I too will take your side, Kai,” Zane said, popping out from the kitchen again. “Although I do not believe this will impact the outcome of the match whatsoever.”
“Good, because I’m winning.”
And the group dissolved into chaos once more as the game restarted.
But as much as Lloyd wanted to watch Sora destroy Kai, he couldn’t. The lack of sleep was already making itself known in a dull throb behind his forehead, aggravated by the onslaught of loud noises. The blinding flashes of colours on the screen would only make it worse. To be completely honest, he had convinced himself the scroll was for research purposes, but it was only so he would have an excuse not to look at the TV.
So he unseeingly scanned the page over and over while blocking out the noise and selfishly hoping in the back of his head that the others would tire themselves out quickly - or that Zane would come out of the kitchen so that he could sneak in and grab some painkillers.
“You alright there, Lloyd?”
Lloyd started, before remembering to compose himself. “Cole! Yeah, I’m - I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well for starters, that scroll is upside down,” he said, plucking it out of his hands, to which Lloyd gave a resigned sigh. “And you’ve barely said anything all night.”
“I was, y’know,” He gestured towards everyone clumped around Kai and Sora. “Watching the game.”
“You barely looked at the game either.”
Lloyd looked down, not wanting to respond.
“Hey,” Cole crouched down in front of him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on, Greenie?”
“It’s nothing, Cole,” Lloyd said, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m just… tired.”
“You don’t have to stay out here, you know,” he said. “Call it an early night if you need to.”
“No! I mean -” he lowered his voice, trying to control the panic that overcame him at the thought of going to bed. “Seriously, it’s okay. I’m okay.”
Cole pressed his lips together before letting out a sigh. “Alright. But you can talk to us, you know that, right?”
“I know,” Lloyd replied. Like hell I would . He wasn’t about to burden anyone with his nightmares of all things.
“In the meantime, I heard Zane made cake,” Cole grinned. “I was planning on stealing the entire thing while the others were distracted - but I think I can spare you a slice.”
Lloyd couldn’t help a small, grateful smile spreading over his face. “Thanks, Cole.”
Behind Cole, the match finally seemed to have ended, because Sora jumped out of her seat in a fit of excitement, and Kai threw his hands up in defeat, while the others celebrated. Lloyd thought he saw money exchanging hands, although he couldn’t exactly tell whose.
After a few minutes, the hubbub died down, interrupted only at one point by Zane asking where on earth the cake went. Then Cole winked at Lloyd and whispered in his ear, your slice is in the back of the fridge .
Luckily, Zane didn’t hear, but he did see the wink, and Cole took that as his cue to run for his life.
Eventually, the amount of people left in the living room dwindled down to four, then three, then two.
“Aren’t you tired of that game yet?” Lloyd asked. Kai was still viciously trying to beat the computer, despite Sora having retired to her room half an hour ago.
“I’m training,” Kai replied, tongue between his teeth. “That loss was humiliating. I won’t allow it to happen a second time.”
“Third time,” Lloyd corrected.
“Whatever you say, Boogers.”
Lloyd’s headache spiked, making him wince. When he didn’t respond to the atrocious nickname, Kai glanced over.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he lied. “There’s just something in my throat. I’m gonna get some water.”
He did, in fact, get some water, along with a sizable dose of painkillers.
When he re-entered the living room, he walked past his armchair and instead put his feet up next to Kai on the couch, leaning his head on a pillow. He was still examining his scrolls, but this time he was actually trying. His dreams weren’t letting up, and he needed to know what they meant.
The two sat in silence, Kai invested in his video game, and Lloyd lost in his own thoughts.
It seemed lying down after taking heavy painkillers was a mistake. He was finding it increasingly harder to stay awake. The words were blurring together as his eyes struggled to focus, forcing themselves shut.
The blood moon.
No. No, he couldn’t fall asleep now.
Masks. Wolf masks.
Was he lucid dreaming? He could almost feel himself resisting the unforgiving pull of the nightmare.
Empress Beatrix, throwing a sword at his feet, shards flying in every direction. He felt a sharp pain blossom along his torso. He gasped, but it was gone as soon as he felt it.
He looked up. The blood moon leered down at him from the sky, tinging his dreamscape a dark, malicious crimson.
The colour of danger. The colour of bloody, painful death.
Behind him, he heard the ringing of a gong. His blood ran cold.
One, two, three, four…
Figures with distinctly shaped faces emerged from nowhere, surrounding him.
…Five, six, seven, eight…
The wolf masks glowed an eerie blue. He couldn’t take his eyes off them.
…Nine, ten, eleven, twelve…
The gong was still going. It wouldn't stop. He couldn’t hear himself think. He wished he could reach up and cover his ears, but he was stuck. He couldn’t move.
In the corner of his eye, he thought he saw someone. Someone familiar, winding his way through the wolf mask warriors.
“Arin?”
Lloyd woke with a start, his eyes flying open as he jolted upright, struggling to breathe.
“Woah, Lloyd, are you okay?”
He could hear Kai’s voice. He was awake.
Then why could he still hear the gong?
Was this some kind of trick? Was he still asleep?
His thoughts were racing, indistinguishable from each other, and his breathing became more sporadic.
Kai’s concerned face filled his vision. Lloyd scrambled backwards.
“It’s just me, Lloyd. It’s Kai.” He held out one hand placatingly, using the other to quickly turn off the TV. The background noise died with it, including the gong. “I need you to breathe for me, bud. Do it with me, ready?”
Lloyd watched Kai, trying to make their breaths align.
In… out… in… out.
He calmed down gradually.
His breathing still hitched, it was still way too shallow, but it was a bit slower, and so were his thoughts. He could finally think.
Kai breathed a subtle sigh of relief. “Okay. You’re alright. What’s that thing Nya always does?” That last question was probably directed at himself, but Lloyd was glad he was thinking out loud. Kai’s voice was grounding.
“What’s something you can feel?” Kai asked gently.
When Lloyd responded, his voice was cracked and faint, as if he hadn’t spoken in years. “Gi,” he whispered. His fingers were toying restlessly with the fabric of his gi.
“Something you can see?”
“You.”
“And something you can hear?”
“Your voice.”
“Hey,” Kai said. “Your hands are shaking.”
He held out his own hands. After a moment, Lloyd placed his hands in Kai’s, immediately feeling Kai’s warmth seep into his clammy palms.
“Thanks,” Lloyd murmured.
“Let’s get some sugar in you, kid,” Kai said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
When he came back, he was carrying a plate loaded with a slice of Zane’s chocolate cake. At Lloyd’s questioning look, he explained, “Cole told me you might need this before he went to bed.”
“That’s a huge slice,” Lloyd said. “I can’t eat all of that.”
Kai whipped out a second fork. “That’s why I’m here,” he grinned.
Lloyd hesitantly took a couple of miniscule bites, chewing more on the tines of the fork than the cake. But when the taste of Zane’s cooking flooded his senses, he caved, finally swallowing down proper mouthfuls.
During the weeks he spent alone after the merge, the one thing he missed most after his family, and normalcy, was Zane’s food. Put simply, it tasted like home.
“So,” said Kai, halting his thoughts. “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”
Lloyd shrugged. “Nightmare.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Okay.”
Lloyd took another bite of cake before asking, “Where do you think Zane gets his recipes from?”
“He’s a literal computer.”
“Yeah, but are they like, recipe cards stored in his brain, or can he like, quickly search it up in his mind or something?”
“Huh.” Kai scratched the back of his head. “I’ve… never really thought about that.”
“Yeah.” Lloyd placed his fork on the plate, now filled with nothing but crumbs. “I don’t know what Zane put in this cake, but I think it’s the best cake he’s ever made.”
“Well, you know what they say,” Kai said airily, sweeping up Lloyd’s plate and heading back towards the kitchen. “Everything’s just better in the middle of the night.”
“No one says that,” Lloyd retorted, trailing behind him.
“But they think it.” The sound of gushing water and the sharp smell of dish soap travelled through the still air as Kai washed the plate. Lloyd watched the moonlight create patterns on Kai’s back, illuminating the bright red of his gi.
The colour was oh so similar to the one that tainted his dream, yet it was different somehow. That red immediately triggered his fight-or-flight response. This red was safe. This red meant that Kai was nearby, which meant warmth and light. This red would never hurt him. This red brought him cake in the middle of the night because he woke up to a panic attack from a bad dream.
Then he realised that, despite his claim that he couldn’t, he had eaten the entire slice of cake. And Kai, knowingly, hadn’t touched it once.
Maybe it was because the night’s events were finally catching up to him, or because he was feeling particularly sentimental, or perhaps it was a combination of both, that he felt tears collecting in the corners of his eyes, and a painful lump forming in his throat.
Dusting his hands, Kai turned around. “Alright, that’s - oh.”
Lloyd sniffed. “Not a word,” he mumbled before Kai wrapped him up in a hug.
“You don’t need to be so strong all the time, bud,” he spoke into Lloyd’s hair, his voice slightly muffled. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”
I know , he wanted to say. I’m with you .
Instead, he just stayed silent, cherishing the weight of his brother’s arms, and the temporary feeling of sweet, shameless vulnerability.