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“Can–can you leave the light on?”
Louisa paused, her hand frozen to the toggle on the bedside lamp, her eyes alight with unspoken questions. River felt silly even asking, and if he had fully thought it through he might not have requested it at all, but the words spilt unbidden from his lips before he could think better of the embarrassment it might bring.
“Nevermind, I–”
River stopped as Louisa dropped her hand from the light, her fingers falling to her side without further question. Gratefulness swelled through River's chest like a wave, threatening to drown him in feelings he might not be able to keep at bay if he thought too long about them. Everything was so much simpler with Louisa. She only wanted to comfort and care for him in whatever way possible, and if right now that meant leaving the bedroom light on then Louisa would do it without question or complaint.
He didn’t deserve someone like Louisa. Not after everything-not after everything he put her through.
Louisa didn’t take her eyes off River as she slowly climbed under the covers across from him in the bed and part of him wished the lights were off, if only to be saved from the deep concern etched across her features. Guilt clawed at him at all he had put Louisa through since his grandfather killed Bertrand and set in motion a chain of events he could have never predicted in his wildest dreams.
But the events had led him here, to spending the night at Louisa’s flat, her comforting presence offering a calm he hadn’t felt in a long while.
You shouldn’t be alone, River. Not after everything you’ve been through.
It was her idea, but River hadn’t objected. He had been grateful to not have to return to his miserable flat alone. River thought he only wanted Louisa’s company, afraid to let his mind wander in the silence of his flat. He hadn’t realised he would also be afraid of the fucking dark.
It was silly really. He hadn’t even been in the boot that long.
At the time, it felt excruciatingly long, like there was no conceivable way they were still in London and maybe the sun would even be rising by the time they actually stopped. River’s mind wouldn’t settle as they drove, each pothole sent agony through his body; his wrist ached and his ears rang and every bump was more painful than the one before.
River’s body trembled in the dark of the boot at the anticipation of where they were going and why River was still breathing. He recognized the man from the photo of Frank Harkness, Bertrand and Robert Winters. Questions swarmed through River’s head. If the man wanted him dead, he would be bleeding out on the street with the Dogs. Death would have been easier, quicker. Whatever the man from the photo had planned for him, whatever potentially Frank Harkness had planned for him, was likely to be worse than death.
The boot opened, River wincing as the light blinded him.
His captor looked at his captive with quiet disinterest, and River braced himself for whatever came next.
Whatever came next was surprisingly a nice restaurant and what his father likely considered normal conversation. His father. That was still new. He wasn’t sure many fathers tried to murder their sons but that was what came next. What came next was guns and grenades and more questions than answers. But every time the light in a room went off since then, all River’s body remembered was fear.
The unknowing fear he felt when trapped in the boot.
The unknowing fear of the inevitable torture waiting for him.
But there hadn’t been torture unless you consider the awkward conversation with his father torture, which River partially did. So why was he still terrified of the idea of being trapped in the dark?
“Are you alright?” Louisa asked, her voice soft.
“Not really, no.”
She reached her arms out in invitation. River didn’t stop to think about it, he crawled over to her wrapping himself around her smaller body, resting his head on her chest, taking comfort in the steady rise and fall of it. She lifted a leg over his, her arms around him and pulled him even closer to her as he melted into her.
He wasn’t in the unknowable darkness of the trunk anymore but River still had no idea what came next. River still had no idea what torture awaited him once the dust had settled. But maybe River didn’t need to fear the dark, at least not with Louisa at his side. Maybe with Louisa, River didn’t need to fear anything at all.
They should keep the light on, just in case though. At least for tonight. Tomorrow they would figure out the rest.
Together.