Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Spruce hadn’t actually expected a lot from their first concert of the tour. He had expected something to go wrong, even if it was just in the sense that it didn’t go as ‘perfectly’ as John Dory wanted it to. A few months ago he had been excited for the tour, but these past few days, or even weeks, he’d been dreading the whole thing.

He hadn’t thought it would go like this though. They weren’t even able to get through their first song. It had been a disaster from the start, and just thinking about it left Spruce feeling angry and slightly ill. He needed to blow off some steam. And he definitely needed to get out of the house, away from his brothers, and just be by himself at least for a bit.

It was a little frightening how desperate he was to be away from all of his brothers. He didn’t want to deal with the pressure that his older brother put on him, or the pressure that everybody else put on him to help be responsible for the younger three.

In a fit of frustration he had said that he had quit. He hadn’t expected everything to spiral from there. He hadn’t ever thought that John Dory would walk away not just from their band, but from their family. He was just gone. And the frustrated and bitter part of him just wanted to throw his arms up and say ‘good riddance’.  

Clay said he was leaving too, and Spruce was unbelievably tempted to do the same. He had walked out the door and was in the process of trying to figure out where to go from here. He heard Floyd pleading to them, and he couldn’t help but look back over his shoulder. The sight that greeted him was enough to stop him in his tracks.

Baby Branch looked heartbroken. Floyd looked defeated and overwhelmed in a way that no nine year old should ever have to deal with. And there was Grandma, sitting in the corner, apparently oblivious that more than half of her grandsons had left with no intention of coming back.

Spruce was still mad, and he didn’t think that frustration was going to go away anytime soon, but he was also horrified. This wasn’t right. He couldn’t let it happen like this. Because no matter how mad he was he still loved his brothers, and that was never going to change, but did his little bros know that? They didn’t look like they did.

Spruce had quit on a whim. He had left just as impulsively. He could live with his own decisions, but he felt his chest tighten at the thought of his baby brothers suffering because of them. He couldn’t let this happen. Not like this.

He took a shaky breath and turned. He could see Clay storming off. He ran to catch up with him, grabbing his arm to make him stop.

“Get off!” Clay growled. Spruce tightened his grip.

“Hang on.” Spruce said. “Go home. Keep an eye on the little bros.”

“Dude, no way.” Clay glared at him. “I’m not going to let John boss me around anymore, and I’m not going to let you do it either.”

“I’m serious.” Spruce said. “Just for the night. I’m going after John Dory. I’ll talk to him. We’ll put together a plan that we’ll all be happy with, but I need you back home before Floyd and Baby Branch think we’ve abandoned them.”

Clay still looked frustrated, but Spruce wasn’t backing down. They stared at each other for a long moment before Clay groaned.

“If you’re not back by tomorrow, and if you don’t actually have a plan, I’m out.” Clay said, and Spruce thought that was fair enough. He really wasn’t trying to manipulate his brother, but he could see why Clay was suspicious and fed-up.

Clay made his way back, and just in time too. Spruce could see Floyd starting to walk out of the pod, his guitar over his shoulder. He looked like he was ready to leave too, and that thought terrified Spruce to his core. It seemed to unnerve Clay too, at least a little bit, because he picked up his pace, running back home and dragging Floyd inside.

Spruce didn’t linger. He ran towards where he thought John Dory had gone. He was pretty sure the Neverglade Trail was this way. He swung through the branches and ran as quickly as he could, praying to the muses that he would be able to catch John Dory before he left the tree. He didn’t know if he’d be able to find him after that.

He felt an impossible amount of relief when he saw a familiar shade of teal hair. “John Dory!” He called out. He almost tripped over his own feet as he tried to hurry. “Wait! Please.”

Thank goodness for all those workouts. Spruce was in much better shape than John Dory was. He was able to catch up to him. He wrapped his arms around his brother, stopping him while also expressing that overwhelming relief. Spruce felt like he could cry. It had been a long day. He was stunned and a little scared when he saw that John Dory was also crying.

“Let me go.” John Dory said with a harshness that was clearly just trying to hide the tremor in his voice. Spruce bit his lip and tightened his grip on his brother.

“No.” Spruce said. “We can’t just leave like this. It’s not fair.”

“I don’t care!” John Dory tried to wriggle away from him, but Spruce’s grip was like iron. “You guys made it clear you don’t want me there, so I’m doing you a favor and leaving.”

“What about Floyd and Branch?” Spruce asked. John Dory finally grew still. “Look, I get it. We’re kinda falling apart, and it’s just been getting worse for a while now. I know that maybe taking a break from each other for a bit could be just what we need to keep from getting at each other’s throats. But they won’t understand that. They won’t know that this doesn’t mean that we don’t care. All they’ll know is that we’re abandoning them.”

John Dory sniffled and ducked his head to try to hide his tears. “I don’t know how to be good enough for them.” Spruce was unnerved hearing this level of discomfort from his older brother. “I tried to be perfect, okay? But I can’t do it.”

Spruce wanted to shake John Dory, hit him across the face, and then give him a big hug. “Of course you can’t. You shouldn’t have to.” John Dory, and all of the adults around them, seemed to forget that he was still just a kid. He was old enough to take care of himself, but not four little brothers. “So maybe…maybe it’s time to find someone who can.” Preferably, multiple someones, because Floyd had different needs than Branch, and as much as Clay wanted to deny it he needed some care too. And then there was everything going on with Grandma.

John Dory seemed to droop in defeat, finally relaxing in Spruce’s hold. “What are we supposed to do?”

Spruce sighed. He didn’t have an entire plan in mind. It was a vague thought. That was why he wanted John Dory’s help. As much as he hated to admit it, his brother was great at coming up with plans. They were sometimes very ambitious and he didn’t always think through the details, but that was what Spruce was here for.

“Let’s look at it one bro at a time.” Spruce said. “What does Branch need? And I mean what we can’t give to him ourselves.”

“Somebody who actually knows how to take care of a baby.” John Dory snorted in a self-deprecating way. He was clearly half joking, but Spruce took it seriously.

“Okay.” Spruce said. “I think you’re right. I also think that Branch needs friends his age. I mean, has he gone to school at all? Or day-care?”

John Dory sighed. “Not really. We’ve been busy, I guess.” He shook his head. “That’s no excuse. Baby Branch needs to have the chance to actually be a baby.”

Spruce nodded. At least they saw the same problems. It just sucked that it took this disaster to get here.

“If I let go of you, will you stay? At least long enough for us to talk about this more?” Spruce asked. John Dory nodded. Spruce reluctantly let him go, half expecting his brother to run away. John Dory just turned around to face him. It was a relief.

“Alright, let’s do this.” John Dory wiped away his tears. “For the bros.” They sat down on a tree branch and, for probably the first time in their lives, they talked things through, listened to what each other had to say, and together came up with a plan.

Clay usually enjoyed babysitting. It was probably the one and only time when he knew his brothers were taking him seriously. It was nice to know that John Dory and Spruce trusted him to be responsible for his brothers, and it felt great when Branch and Floyd listened to him and respected him.  

But he didn’t want to babysit tonight. He was tense and angry, and not in the mood to try to comfort and calm his little brothers, who just wouldn’t stop crying.

Branch was easy enough to deal with, but it was a pain. Clay had to carry Branch and cuddle with him constantly. If he put him down for a second then Branch got the most heartbreaking look in his eyes. He seemed to think that if he took his eyes off of Clay for a second then he would vanish and never come back.

It made Clay feel bad, because the fact was he really didn’t want to be here. He wanted to get away from his brothers and get past this persona that had been shoved onto him. But he did love his brothers. He wanted a break from them, but clearly Floyd and Branch didn’t feel the same way.

Reassuring Branch was easy. He needed constant reassurances, but not much more than that. It was time-consuming though, and it didn’t give Clay the chance to give a lot of attention to Floyd.

It was several hours later when Branch finally fell asleep. Clay laid him down on his bed, surrounding him with blankets and plush toys. He felt even more emotionally drained than he had after the disastrous performance. He wanted to relax and read a good book. He was desperate to unwind and give himself time to really process all that had happened. But taking care of Branch had been just one problem. He still had another little brother. One who had almost walked out himself. Obviously he had his own issues that needed to be dealt with.

Their pod wasn’t a large one. There weren’t a lot of places for somebody to go to find privacy. They all had their own places. Clay liked to make a blanket fort to read in. John Dory liked to sit in the window. Spruce liked to get out of the pod, and he was old enough to be trusted out on his own.

As for Floyd, he liked to climb onto the roof. Grandma didn’t like him being up there, because she was worried about him falling and hurting himself. The brothers all understood it though. They all did the same kind of thing.

Clay went outside and whipped his hair out, grabbing a branch and pulling himself up to the roof. Sure enough, Floyd was sitting up there, his legs curled up to his chest. He was staring distantly out towards nothing. He looked even more sensitive and, honestly, pathetic, than he did in all of their photo-shoots, where they spent hours trying to get the ‘perfect’ pictures. John Dory still hadn’t figured out that all he needed to do to get pictures of camera-shy Floyd was to take them when he wasn’t noticing. Then the pictures would turn out better, and they wouldn’t have to deal with any of the anxiety or tantrums that came up every time they tried to take pictures. It would be a win-win situation.

“Hey, Floyd.” Clay sat next to his brother. Floyd didn’t even look at him. “You good? You done crying?”

Floyd still didn’t look at him, but his eyes narrowed in a glare. Floyd wasn’t as prone to yelling as the others, but a temper ran in the family, and he wasn’t immune to it. It was hard to get him truly mad, but he could be fierce and relentless when he wanted to be.

“Come on, Floyd, talk to me.” Clay said. He hated when his little brother gave him the silent treatment. It was impossible to tell if he was doing it out of bitter pettiness, or because he was so upset that he just couldn’t find his words. Neither option was great, but Clay needed to know what he was working with to know how to move forward.

Floyd scowled. “Can we not pretend? I’m not in the mood.”

Clay frowned slightly. “Pretend what? Who’s pretending?” All he’d been doing was checking on Floyd and making sure he was okay. What part of that was pretend?”

Floyd curled in more on himself. “You are. You’re pretending to care.”

Clay was too offended to say anything right away. Floyd usually didn’t mind speaking his mind and talking about his feelings, but he didn’t say more. Clay was just left floundering and trying to figure out what his brother was talking about.

“Pretending to care? What are you…why would you…?” Clay was far less articulate than he would normally want to be. “I’m not pretending.”

Floyd scoffed. It was not the kind of sound that he usually made, and Clay didn’t like it from him. “Don’t lie to me. You don’t want to be here. You would be gone and you never would have looked back if Spruce hadn’t made you.”

And what was Clay supposed to say to that? Floyd wasn’t wrong. If Spruce hadn’t caught Clay and made him go home, and if he hadn’t seen Floyd about to walk out as well, he would have left. He would be at Viva’s by now, or even away from the Troll Tree. As soon as Spruce came back, unless he had a really good plan in mind, Clay was out of here.

But he hated the tension in Floyd’s posture. He hated how convinced he was that Clay hated him or something.

“Of course I care.” Clay said. Floyd was old enough that he should be able to understand that their family relationship was really complicated. They fought, and they sometimes couldn’t stand each other, but they were still brothers. Clay reached out and put a hand on Floyd’s shoulder. “Come on, Bro, you know I’d do anything for you guys.”

“Except stay.” Floyd brushed his arm away. “Why don’t you go away? It’s obvious you want to.”

Clay’s chest tightened. He felt both frustrated and concerned. Floyd was being dramatic, but Clay knew his feelings were sincere and genuine. He scooted closer to Floyd and went to wrap his arms around him. Floyd usually loved hugs, but as soon as Clay touched him Floyd pushed him away. Clay was pushed back, and then he just kept falling. He tumbled back and felt terror in his chest as he felt the surface beneath him disappear. He started falling.

Clay instinctively reached his hair out. He caught himself and slowly lowered himself to the ground. He was breathing rapidly, trying to calm his nerves. There were some tears in his eyes. He hated crying, but he couldn’t make them stop. That had been scary, even if it hadn’t been too dangerous. Trolls could handle falls much worse than this. Even if he hadn’t caught himself he would probably still be walking away with just a few bruises, if that. 

He wasn’t scared because he had fallen. He was scared because Floyd had pushed him. Clay was sure that his brother hadn’t really meant for him to fall, but it was unnerving that Floyd hadn’t even leaned over to double-check that he was okay. Now Floyd was the one acting like he didn’t care, and that hurt.

Clay’s fear and tears turned to anger, like they so usually did. “You’re such a hypocritical little brat.” Clay shouted towards the roof. “Why can’t you just grow up?”

He didn’t get an answer, and he didn’t want to wait around for one. Clay wrapped his arms around himself and went inside. He didn’t want to cuddle with Branch again, and he definitely didn’t want to deal with Floyd’s temper tantrum.  

This would be the perfect time to read and wait for his older brothers to come back, but he couldn’t bring himself to grab his book. How was he supposed to relax right now? So instead he just sat on the couch and stared blankly ahead as the hours passed.

Morning came, and Clay wasn’t tired. Branch was still sleeping. Spruce and John Dory still weren’t home yet, and a little voice in Clay’s head was telling him that they weren’t coming back at all. What would he do if they had just left for good? He didn’t want to stay here, but he couldn’t just leave now.

He had seen how devastated and clingy Branch was. That just wasn’t like him. And Floyd was closing himself off, putting up his shields for fear of getting hurt. He still hadn’t come down from the roof, and though Clay had been listening carefully he hadn’t heard a single sob from him. As odd as it was for Branch to be so clingy, Floyd was acting even less like himself.

Clay just wanted their brothers to come home. They were so much better at talking to Floyd than he was. They might be able to get some actual answers from him without being pushed off the roof.

Was Floyd even still up there? It had been several hours. Surely he couldn’t have been pouting for that long. Clay was suddenly hit with the fear that Floyd had taken the opportunity to walk away himself. It was what Clay probably would have done if their positions were reversed.

Feeling like an idiot for not thinking of the possibility sooner, Clay stood up and ran outside, stumbling a bit because his legs were asleep from not using them for a while.  

He pulled himself up to the roof and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Floyd still sitting there. His position was a little different, but he was still dutifully looking out towards the horizon.

“It must be a pretty good view for you to still be watching it.” Clay said. Floyd sighed deeply, and it was hard to tell if it was from relief, exhaustion, or dread.

“I'm watching for Spruce and John Dory.” Floyd said. “You said they'd be back today.”

Clay rubbed the back of his neck. “That's what Spruce told me.” He sat on the roof, this time keeping a fair distance between him and Floyd. He didn't want a repeat of earlier.

Floyd shifted slightly. “What if they don't come back?”

“They will.” Clay said. Floyd turned his head and finally looked at Clay. He didn't like the look in his eyes. Floyd looked defeated, and there was a tired, accusatory look in his eyes.

“But what if they don't?” Floyd asked plainly. Clay wished he would raise his voice. He wanted Floyd to fight for what he wanted. He just sounded resigned. “What will you do?”

Clay bit his lip and looked away. He knew what Floyd meant. He was asking how long Clay would stay before leaving. And Clay felt like a jerk because he knew he was only going to wait for sundown. Oh, he would try to be nicer about his goodbye this time, but he had no intention of staying.

Floyd seemed to know it. He let out a shuddered breath and curled in on himself. “That's what I thought.” Floyd tried to sound bitter, but his tone was just tired. “Just…leave me alone. Please.”

Clay felt broken-hearted, and he was frustrated by it. Floyd being upset always made him upset and he hated it. Sometimes it felt like Floyd was doing this on purpose, but Clay knew he wasn't. He wasn't manipulative, he was just young and sensitive.

“Okay.” Clay said reluctantly. He stood up. He knew how much he hated company when he was desperate to be alone, but it still felt wrong to leave. “Will you tell me if you need anything?”

“What if I said I needed you to stay?” Floyd asked. Clay’s chest tightened. He sighed and walked to the edge of the roof.

“I'll check on you later.” Clay said quietly. Floyd had gone back to not looking at him. Clay sighed and climbed down from the roof. He went inside and just sat on the couch, waiting and thinking.

Branch eventually joined him, climbing into his lap and snuggling against him. He'd probably been scared to wake up alone in their bedroom. He must have thought he'd been left behind again.

Clay felt bad for upsetting his little brothers, but he didn't know what to say to begin to make it right. Instead he just sat there and held Branch close, both of them needing the reminder that they weren't alone.

The day passed slowly. Clay got up sometimes to play with Branch or get some food together for them, but for the most part he stayed on the couch, feeling just a little more numb with every passing hour.

It wasn't until mid-afternoon that Spruce and John Dory showed up, looking more comfortable around each other than they had ever been. Floyd finally came down from the roof, only to cling to John Dory's leg like his life depended on it. John just put his hand on his back, silently offering comfort.

“What took you so long?” Clay crossed his arms. He was happy to see his brothers, but he was still frustrated with them.

“We had to arrange some things.” Spruce said. “But I think we've got it all worked out.”

“Here's the thing, guys,” John Dory said, getting into lecture mode. “We're falling apart. I know it, you know it, we all know it. None of us are happy together, so me and Spruce were trying to figure out how we'd be happiest apart, you know?”

Clay felt hope rise in his chest. He had thought that his big brothers could come back with false promises of how they'd do better and try harder, and everything in their family would be okay. It was actually really encouraging that they were acknowledging the problem and actually dealing with it.

Floyd and Branch weren't nearly as encouraged by John Dory's words. Floyd clung to his leg even tighter, and Branch’s eyes filled with tears.  

“Apart?” Branch said quietly. “You guys are leaving?”

“We're not just abandoning you, Branch.” Spruce said. “You know Miss Vendi? The really nice lady that babysits you sometimes? She loves little kids. That's why she works at the daycare. But she doesn't have any kids of her own. So, we thought she might be happy to look after you while we're gone.”

“She's really excited to have you.” John Dory said. “And she's always watching other kids, so you'll be able to make lots of new friends.”

Branch had been looking cautious up to this point, but his ears perked up slightly. “I've never had friends before.” He said it so matter-of-factly, like he didn't even realize how sad that was.

“And Floyd, we also talked to Everett and Payton. You remember them, don't you?” Spruce said. “And their sons, Shade and Link. You like them, don't you?”

Clay thought that Spruce was highly exaggerating Floyd's relationship with those boys. They were amiable enough, but both Shade and Link were just as introverted as Floyd was. They were only friends in the sense that all three of the kids claimed to be just to get their guardians and teachers off their backs.

Of course, Floyd didn't want to admit to Spruce and John Dory that he didn't have much more experience with friends than Branch did. And Clay wasn't about to rat him out. He just watched as Floyd looked at their big brothers with wide eyes before putting on the fakest smile that Clay had ever seen as he smiled and said that it ‘sounded like fun’.

John Dory and Spruce didn't notice Floyd's obvious lie. They were so eager about the plan that Clay doubted they had even considered what to do if one of them didn't like their ideas.

He scowled when they turned their attention to him. “Oh, no, you had better not have found a babysitter for me.” He could take care of himself, and he wasn't about to let some stranger boss him around.

John Dory rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually, we found you a job.”

Clay's posture relaxed a little. He didn't appreciate his older brothers making these kinds of decisions for him, but a job sounded like a big responsibility. People would take him seriously. And his brothers had found that opportunity for him.

Maybe they had listened to his complaints after all.

“Princess Viva has been going to school so far, but King Peppy wants her to learn more about her royal duties.” Spruce said.

Oh. Clay knew about this. He was friends with Viva, and she had ranted about it often enough. She didn't like any of her tutors, and she thought the lessons were so boring.

“You're not saying I'm going to be her tutor, are you?” Clay didn't dare to hope, but Spruce and John Dory were smiling at him. “You're not serious.”

“Come on, you'd be great for the job.” John Dory said. “You keep her focused on her duties, and King Peppy has agreed to let you stay with them and pay you a small allowance. It's not much, but it's something.”

“It's amazing.” Clay couldn't remember the last time he had felt so excited. “I have a job? A real job? Working for the royal family? That's huge.”

Spruce smirked smugly and gave John Dory a knowing look. “I told you he'd like it.”

Floyd clutched tighter to John Dory's leg. “But why do we have to live apart? Can't Clay still have his job, and Branch join the daycare, without leaving? Why can't we all just be at home?”

John Dory sighed and knelt on the ground. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder?’” Floyd shook his head. “It means…uh…” he looked a little confused himself.  

“It means that being away from someone can help you to appreciate them more.” Clay said.

“It means that we'll still love each other, but we won't fight." Spruce said. “You're the one always trying to figure out how to get us off each other's backs.”

“Well, yeah, but-” Floyd looked distressed, but he didn't voice his concerns past that. He just. Lung tighter to John Dory, as though to keep him from leaving.

“I'll tell you what.” John Dory said. He brushed some of Floyd's hair out of his face. “Grandma's birthday is in two months. Why don't we give this new plan a try, and we'll get together then and figure out where to go from there. Sound good?”

Floyd's mouth thinned and it was clear to Clay that no, it did not sound good. But Floyd didn't say anything. He just smiled, still putting on a show, and nodded. John Dory gave him a big hug, and then he stood up and pulled away. Floyd let him go, though he didn't look happy about it

John Dory and Spruce started talking about Grandma, and how they arranged for her to stay at the old trolls home. Clay knew she'd probably love it there. He knew they had regular rummy tournaments. He only half listened to them. He was too excited.

This was a great opportunity for him. He had a job. A chance to show everybody how serious he was. And he wouldn't have to deal with his brothers anymore.

No more fighting. No more feeling like he wasn't being listened to. No more being pushed off of roofs by little bros having a temper tantrum.

This was a great plan, and he was sure that in the next two months his little brothers would come to see that too. They were just nervous about the change. When they saw how great things could be without their dysfunctional family they wouldn't possibly want things to go back to the way they were before. Clay was sure of it.

Chapter Text

Branch tapped his toes and looked around. His stomach felt funny. He didn't think he felt nervous or upset, or homesick. He wasn't normal sick. He just felt weird, and he'd felt weird all week since coming to stay with Vendi.

He felt just fine in the daytime. As soon as he woke up he would hear Vendi humming in the kitchen, making breakfast and some snacks for the kids at the daycare. When she saw he was awake she would smile at him and ask if he wanted to help her. Sometimes he said yes. Sometimes he said no. And she was fine with it either way.

Branch didn't really like cooking. Ingredients got all over his hands and he didn't like the sticky feelings. But he liked helping Vendi. Helping her in the kitchen was a lot different than helping his brothers. With her there was no weird pressure. They were just making breakfast. With his brothers he either 'helped' because the brother in charge of cooking the meal needed to babysit him at the same time, or because there had just been a tense fight between the bros and Floyd needed both cuddles and cookies, though he always claimed he was fine.

He wasn't fine. Branch could tell…sometimes. He wished he knew how to tell all the time.

Vendi always sang while making breakfast, dancing around the kitchen. Branch wasn't the best dancer, but he would giggle and laugh when she lifted him up and swung him around, or had him stand on her feet while she danced. It was fun.

He didn't know that dancing could be fun and silly. Not like this.

After breakfast Vendi would brush his hair and help him get ready for the day. He was used to getting ready by himself, so this was weird and for the first several days Branch didn't know how he felt about it. Did she not trust him to do it by himself? Did she just want him to go faster? Was he doing it wrong?

He didn't know why Vendi helped, so it was stressful, but eventually it started to feel a little nicer. He liked how she was able to brush out the tangles in his hair that he always missed. He liked the way that she straightened his vest so that it looked just right. He liked the way that she knelt down to his level while she helped him put stuff in a backpack that she had gotten just for him, and that she talked out loud about anything he might need for the day and why, and she always let him grab something if he thought she had forgotten it. She wasn't trying to do it for him, she really was just helping him, and once he got used to this new schedule he really came to like it. It made him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

She would hold his hand when they walked to daycare together. On the first day she had insisted on carrying him when they had to swing to other branches. On the second day when he insisted he could do it himself, she said okay, as long as they went together. Now she just trusted him to swing from one branch to another on his own. She even said that his hair control was really good for his age.

The compliment was really nice. She had a lot of nice words to say, and Branch felt like she meant all of them.

Daycare was fun, though it was a lot. There were about a dozen kids, though not all of them were there at the same time. Some kids were just there during the morning. Some kids came in after lunch. There were only two or three other kids who were there all day, and they weren't there every day.

Branch didn't know if he liked the unpredictableness of it all. He liked to know where everybody was going to be when. He tried to play with the kids, but it was hard. He would warm up to some of the kids, but then they would leave in the afternoon, just when he was starting to feel comfortable around them. Or he'd start to get close to one kid, and then they weren't there the next day.

He tried to play with the kids, because they were nice, and he really did want to be friends, but it was scary. Sometimes he would just sit in the corner and watch them. On really bad days, when he needed contact but couldn't handle interaction, he would crawl onto Vendi's lap while she read a story to some of the other kids. She didn't pause in the story. She just wrapped one arm around him and kept reading, giving him what he needed without making a big deal about it.

Daycare got a lot easier when Vendi gave him a new game to play. She said that there was a pattern to some of the other kids' schedules. She knew he had fun with patterns, both making them and finding them. So when some of the other kids started drawing pictures he would sit with them and started drawing little notes of the patterns he had found so far.

Sometimes the other kids asked about his drawings, and they thought it was fun, like he was solving a mystery. Talking to them about the patterns he was looking for was a lot easier than talking to them about scrapbooking.

Branch's favorite time of day was lunch. Floyd always came here for lunch, and it was nice to see him. He liked Vendi, but his brothers were still so important to him. Floyd liked to listen to what he had to say about his days. He never seemed to talk about what he was doing at school, or what it was like being with Everett and Payton's family. Branch just assumed that he didn't have time. Lunch was only so long.

After daycare Vendi would usually take Branch for a walk around the Troll Tree before they returned to her pod. While she made dinner she asked about his day, which he thought was weird, because she had been with him all day, so shouldn't she already know? But he talked about it anyway.

If he mentioned that there was a game he had wanted to play, but they didn't have time or he didn't know how to ask the other kids, Vendi would play it with him in the evening, and it was fun and really nice.

Everything went great until it got close to bedtime, and that was when Branch started to feel weird. His stomach twisted up tightly and made him want to curl up in a ball and cry. He didn't want to talk to anybody when he felt like this, but Vendi was persistent and sometimes she was able to get through to him. If he was able to be distracted by her, he felt a lot better. Maybe he was nervous about something, but he didn't know what. How could he feel so anxious that he felt sick, but he didn't know what he was anxious about?

Bedtime was hard. He just wanted to curl up and sleep, but it just made him feel even worse when he tried.

Sometimes he felt like Vendi knew what was wrong with him more than he did. She was very understanding, and she seemed to know just what to say to make him feel a little better. She even made it easier to sleep by bringing his blankets into her living room and making a little fort.

"Like a sleepover." Vendi said slowly, and somehow those simple words made Branch feel a lot better about the whole thing. He would crawl into the pillow fort, and it made everything feel like just another game. A bit of pretend. And eventually he'd be able to go home and everything would go back to normal.

The days went on, and every single day he felt a little bit better. He started to feel a little more like himself. He found more patterns with the kids at daycare. He was able to figure out who was going to be there when, and even if some kids didn't follow the schedule, a lot of them did, so he could go in with an idea of who he could play with and what they could do together, and that made playing a lot easier.

On his fourth day with Vendi Branch did a silly dance with Vendi while she made breakfast. It wasn't choreographed or rehearsed, it was just fun.

He felt more comfortable at Vendi's pod, and on his fifth day there he went to get himself a snack, not even thinking twice about whether it was allowed or not. He trusted Vendi's word that her food was his food.

On his sixth day he was able to make a game suggestion at daycare, and the other kids played with him.

After a week he had that weird feeling in his stomach all day, and distractions didn't make it go away. He constantly felt tears at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't cry. He didn't really feel sad, exactly. He didn't know how he felt.

He didn't play with the kids at daycare that day, and he didn't really want to talk to Floyd at lunch. Branch just curled up against Vendi and tried to figure out what he was feeling. It was really confusing. He actually felt a little bit happy, but it was a sad kind of happy. He hadn't known that was even possible. Were his emotions broken?

He was really quiet that night and he didn't want to eat. Eventually it was bedtime, and Branch didn't immediately crawl into his fort. He just stared at it for a while.

Vendi said the fort made this like a sleepover, but this didn't feel like a sleepover. This felt more real. More permanent. That didn't feel like a good thing or a bad thing, it was just a thing. He liked it here with Vendi. It was fun, and it made him feel good in ways he didn't with his brothers. But he still missed them.

Maybe that was what this feeling was. He was happy here, but he was sad that he wasn't happy like this back home.

But this feeling had been getting better the longer he was with Vendi. And Spruce had told him that while he would feel homesick at first, it would get easier with time. He just needed to wait and keep going, and let the change happen.

Branch slowly reached out and grabbed one of the blankets. He wrapped it around himself and made his way to the room that Vendi said was his. She didn't say it was the room he would be using, or the guest room. She said it was his.

He'd never had a room to himself before. He wanted to give it a try.

He went into his bedroom, feeling like he was doing something weird and not allowed. He crawled onto the bed and laid down on it. It was…weird. But nice. But it also made tears come to his eyes again while his stomach did the twisting up thing.

"Branch?" He heard Vendi say quietly. "Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"Uh huh." Branch said honestly. He felt fine. Maybe a little weird, but fine. Vendi sat at the edge of the bed.

"You don't have to sleep in here if you're not ready." Vendi said. "You shouldn't do something you don't want to do."

"I want to." He said. "It just makes me feel a little weird."

Vendi didn't look like she quite believed him, but she didn't argue more. She just left the room, only to come back a minute later with the pillows and the rest of the blankets.

"Maybe you'll feel a little less weird if you're comfortable." Vendi gave him a small smile. "But remember, if you change your mind it's okay to make the fort again. I just want you to feel safe and comfortable here."

"I do." Branch said. It didn't quite feel like home, and he wasn't sure if it ever would, but he did feel safe here. He was happy. And maybe that was good enough.

Clay had thought that he was underqualified to tutor the princess. It didn't take him long to figure out that he was the perfect troll for the job, because Viva didn't listen to anybody else. She frequently got bored and wandered away from her other teachers. She believed that if she didn't want to think about something, then she shouldn't have to think about it, and she definitely didn't want to think about how she was supposed to be responsible for all of the trolls that were being eaten by the bergens.

She wanted to be a fun leader. Somebody that people could go to for a good time. She didn't want to deal with the sad parts. It was Clay's job to figure out how to talk to her about it anyway.

It was difficult, but Clay felt like he was making it work.

She still tuned out any mention of the bergens, but there were other things they could talk about. He could ease her into it. What Clay had been trying to focus on were other royal responsibilities, and apparently there were a lot of them. Viva was actually pretty good at the 'keeping up morale' bit. She was happy and enthusiastic all the time, but Clay thought that was part of the problem. It just took him a few days to figure out how to talk to her about it.

Eventually it came to him when he saw Viva hugging the little egg of her younger sibling. The egg wasn't supposed to hatch for a few months, but that didn't stop Viva from cuddling with it and talking to it. She fawned over the little thing, and it was sweet, but it distracted her from her responsibilities. Clay had tried to talk to her about it multiple times, and she just continued to say that her little sibling was her biggest responsibility, and nothing could be more important.

Clay had heard this kind of sentiment before. Spruce and John Dory used to have fights about it all the time. Spruce said that their family should be their biggest priority. John Dory said, ideally, yes, but that couldn't be the case and they just needed to get over it.

Clay didn't want to agree with John Dory about anything. He still thought he had been wrong about so much he had done for the sake of the band. But Clay remembered a lot of what he said, and while they hadn't been good points for their situation, he thought they applied to Viva's.

"Vee?" Clay said. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course." Viva said, but she continued to focus on the egg. Clay remembered the multiple times when John Dory had gotten upset because he had asked the same thing of Clay, and while he had said yes he still didn't put his book down. Clay had thought he was sincere about agreeing to talk, but he hadn't shown it.

He didn't want to think about those moments. He didn't want to consider that he might have done something wrong. But even though he knew that Viva was listening to him he felt like she wasn't really in a space where she would really hear him.

"This is serious." Clay said.

"Of course it is." Viva said with a slight laugh in her voice. "You're always serious." The words should feel great, but they didn't. It felt like she was making fun of him, just like everybody else did.

Clay felt hurt and frustrated, and he hated it. He knew she didn't mean it like that. She was the only troll who ever took him seriously. But the hurt and feeling of being disrespected was still there.

Clay felt an ugly feeling in his chest, and he didn't like it. He had thought he was through with feeling like this. He knew that if he tried to talk then he would just get mad and defensive. That was okay with his brothers, but not with Viva. He didn't want to show her that side of him. Besides, trolls that were respected and taken seriously didn't throw tantrums if they weren't.

So Clay swallowed his complaints and just walked away. He heard Viva call out for him, sounding confused and concerned, but he didn't stop. He walked outside and just leaned against the pod.

This was so hard. He knew what he wanted to say, but getting the words out was hard. He'd never had a hard time speaking his mind to his brothers. Why was it so much different here?

"Clay?" Viva's voice was very quiet. It wasn't like her, and Clay felt guilty for bringing out this uncertainty. He didn't want her to be afraid to talk to him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.' He forced out.

"You don't look fine." She came to stand next to him. "You said you wanted to talk, and then you just left."

Clay pressed his hands against his thighs. "Because you weren't listening to me."

"Yes I was." Viva said.

"You were fawning over the egg." Clay said. That wasn't how he wanted to say it. He knew she could still pay attention, even if it didn't look like she was, because he did it all the time, but he hadn't felt like it.

"But I was still listening." Viva insisted. Clay sighed. This was going nowhere, and he blamed himself. He didn't know how to find the words he needed, and he was making it her problem.

He didn't know how to talk about it, but not talking about it wasn't really helping. He needed to try.

"I know you were." Clay said quietly. "I promise I know, but I didn't feel like it. I felt like you were focused on the egg, and that I was just a second thought for you."

"But you weren't." Viva sounded upset. "I was paying attention."

"I know." Clay said. "But I still felt like you weren't. You know how sometimes you know something with your head, but your heart is maybe saying something else?"

"Oh, yeah." Viva fidgeted uncomfortably. "I get that sometimes." She took a deep breath. "Well, I'm sorry. I'm listening now. I promise."

This was going okay. Maybe he could handle this. "It's, uh, actually kinda about this. So, you know how we've been talking about your responsibilities as the princess?" Viva nodded. "Well, you have a lot of trolls looking up to you. It's really important for trolls to feel like they can talk to you about anything."

Viva gasped and brought her hands to her mouth. "And I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me."

Clay wanted to say that she hadn't made him feel anything, but she kinda had. She hadn't meant to, but he'd still felt that way because of what she said. In a way, that was on both of them.

"How do I do better?" Viva asked, as if Clay had any answers.

"Um…look, I'm not saying you can't ever pay attention to your sibling, or even just the egg." Clay said. He really admired that she prioritized her family. It was refreshing in comparison to John Dory. But whether she liked it or not, she had responsibilities to people outside of her family.

"But you have others counting on you too." Clay said. "And when you have conflicting responsibilities you need to sometimes pick one over another."

"I can't pick." Viva said. "What if they both need me?"

"Well, you have to think about who might need you more." Clay said. "Maybe…maybe your younger sibling wants to play, and they just want a little attention, but there's a troll in the village who is hurt, or upset, and they really need your advice. You can help both of them, but you need to figure out who to help first. So, which of them would you ask to wait just a little longer?"

Viva bit her lip. "I guess my siblings. Like…like when I was with the egg. That was important, but I can be with the egg any time. You needed me then, and I chose the egg."

"You won't always have to choose." Clay said. "Sometimes you can do both, and sometimes you can't. It takes practice to figure it out." It was something he needed to figure out himself.

Viva took a deep breath. "I'll work on it." Her eyes brightened as she seemed to come up with an idea. "Oh. It'll take practice. I was going to watch the egg tonight, but Dad's been wanting me to go out and get to know the trolls in the tree. Maybe I can go get to know them now."

"I think that's a great plan." Clay said. He was proud of Viva for it.

She smiled brightly and took his hand. "Come on, let's go!" She started to pull Clay along. He faltered just for a second. Viva turned to look at him. "Are you okay?"

Clay took a second to gather himself. He was more than ready to work, but going out and getting to know people took a lot of time and work. It was a big commitment. Clay wasn't afraid of that, but he had another commitment that afternoon. School would be getting out soon, and Clay always walked Floyd home.

That was his only time where he saw Floyd, and he knew it was important to his brother. Floyd always looked relieved and excited to see him, like he was worried that Clay wouldn't show.

He knew his little brother was having a hard time with this whole 'being away from their brothers' thing. He couldn't get over that their family wasn't ever going to be perfect and happy the way they were supposed to be.

Clay thought that Floyd was slightly delusional, but he didn't want to be the one to shatter that for him.

But he'd just talked to Viva about putting her responsibilities to her people ahead of her responsibilities towards her family. It would be hypocritical of him to say that, and then leave Viva and his own responsibilities with her because he had promised to walk Floyd home from school.

He knew this was important to his brother, but Viva's responsibilities were important too, and she needed help with it. Was he really supposed to abandon her just because his brother was being a little clingy?

Clay felt really bad, but it didn't change what he needed to do. "No, I'm okay. Let's go." Floyd could handle walking himself home one time. He'd be fine. Clay would make it up to him later.

School had ended two hours ago. Floyd knew that it would be time for dinner soon. Payton and Everett didn't have a lot of rules, but being home for dinner, or at least checking in by then, was one of them.

Floyd didn't want to get in trouble with them or make them upset, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up from where he had settled in front of the school to wait.

Clay was running late, but he would come. He always came. He was just busy, but he had promised Floyd that he wouldn't just forget about him and Branch just because they weren't living together anymore.

Clay was working. He was probably doing something very important. Floyd didn't hold that against him. He could be patient. He just needed to wait.

Floyd sat cross-legged on the ground and rocked back and forth as he just looked for that familiar shade of yellow hair. Any minute now. Clay would be here. He'd probably have a really interesting story about why he was late. It was probably a really good excuse. Like a magical reason that perfectly explained why he couldn't be there sooner.

He hadn't just forgotten Floyd. He wouldn't.

His brothers had promised that they would still be a family, even if they weren't living together. They said that being around each other less would make them care about each other more. It still didn't make sense to Floyd. If you cared about someone, wouldn't you want to be around them all the time? Or at least some of the time?

But John Dory and Spruce weren't here at all. Clay was at least still at the tree, but Floyd was seeing him less and less.

Sometimes on days he didn't have school Floyd would go find Clay himself, just wanting to hang out or read together or something. Clay always acted like he was happy to see him, but his smile was becoming more and more performative. It was a little insulting that Clay thought he couldn't tell the difference. They'd been performing in the band together for long enough for Floyd to know when his brother was putting on a show.

Clay always said he was too busy to play, so Floyd couldn't stay with him for too long. He still didn't really know what Clay's job was, but obviously it was important and kept him super busy.

Floyd just hadn't thought that it was more important than their family.

He couldn't go after his brother himself, but he didn't want to go back to Payton and Everett's home on his own. What if Clay showed up and he wasn't here? Floyd didn't want to give up on him. So he stayed. He didn't want to think about what he might do if Clay didn't show up at all. That wouldn't happen, because Clay was coming. He was on his way. Floyd just had to wait a little longer.

"...Floyd?" He perked up at the sound of his name, but immediately drew in on himself when he realized it wasn't Clay. Everett was coming towards him, a sad, almost pitying look in his eyes that Floyd didn't like. He didn't want Everett to feel sorry for him, because nothing was wrong. He was fine. "Shade said you were waiting for your brother. Have you been waiting here the whole time?"

Floyd drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "He's coming." He didn't have to see Everett to know that he was looking at him in disbelief and more pity. Of course he wouldn't believe Floyd. He didn't know him. Not really. Everett was practically a stranger to him. A really nice stranger that Floyd liked and looked up to, and he wanted to get to know him more, but a stranger nonetheless.

He thought that Everett would gently but firmly tell him that no, Clay wasn't coming. He thought that Everett would drag him back to his home and tell him that it was getting late and he could talk to Clay tomorrow. What he didn't expect was for Everett to sit on the ground next to him. He didn't say anything, he just sat there and waited.

Everett didn't sit too close to him. It wasn't crowding. Everett put his hand on the ground between them. Floyd didn't reach for him and return the touch at first, but a few minutes later he put his hand down as well. He didn't initiate contact yet, and Everett didn't push it. He waited until Floyd moved his hand again. It was a few more minutes, but eventually he put his hand on top of Everett's, holding it. Everett didn't hesitate to return the hold.

They sat together for a while. The sun had set. Dinner time had come and gone, and Everett didn't say a word about them needing to go. They just sat and waited.

Floyd felt a little better with some company, but the longer they sat together the more his stomach twisted in knots, because he knew that Everett wasn't waiting for Clay. He was waiting for Floyd.

He was keeping himself from his own family so that he could sit with Floyd, who couldn't be with his.

Floyd squeezed Everett's hand. "Clay's not coming, is he?"

Everett sighed deeply. "I'm sorry." He didn't give Floyd reassurances that he was sure that Clay was coming. He didn't try to tell him that everything was going to be okay. He just said he was sorry, and Floyd felt something in him break.

He had managed to not cry while he sat outside the school, but he burst into tears. Everett finally made the first move to give him comfort. He wrapped his arms around him. It didn't feel anything like John Dory's or Spruce's hugs. He wished they were here. But the hug was great, and he couldn't help but lean into it.

He didn't know how long he cried for. Eventually Everett pulled him into his arms and stood up. Floyd didn't necessarily want to leave. He still hoped for Clay to come, but the hope hurt. He was too tired to resist as Everett started to carry him back to his home.

"Why don't you stay home from school tomorrow?" Everett suggested. Floyd's chest hurt. It felt really weird to hear some place be referred to as home when it wasn't his home. How could it be when his brothers weren't there?

He tried not to think about that word. He couldn't focus on it. He just nodded. Not going to school actually sounded nice. And if he didn't go to school then he wouldn't have to wait around for Clay after school again, waiting for him to show up.

Floyd wasn't giving up on his brothers, but maybe…maybe a little break wouldn't be too bad. He didn't know if that made him a bad brother, and he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about his brothers at all, because it just hurt far too much.

A break. Just a small one. And then…he didn't know. He didn't really know. Right now he didn't know if he wanted to know.

Chapter Text

John Dory adjusted his backpack and pushed aside some foliage as he hiked. His legs were a little sore, but it was the good kind of burn. The kind that made him recognize that he had almost reached his physical limits, but he could go a little longer. He knew he had to rest soon. Not only did he need a break, but it was getting late and he wanted to set up camp before the sun set.

It had been a good day. He had accidentally found the perfect spot to sleep last night, so he woke up to the most beautiful sunrise. He was able to forage for a decent enough breakfast, with just one near-death experience accompanying it. Then he had started on his trek and heard the most interesting sounds and rhythms that gave him so many ideas for a new song. He didn't know what he would be writing the song for, but he was still excited about it.

He wasn't injured or sick like he was a lot of days since he had started wandering the wilderness. He was physically fit, so he was able to walk the Neverglade Trail for as long as he wanted to that day. It was thrilling and relaxing all at once.

When the sun set below the cliffs he was walking near, dousing his immediate surroundings in shade though there was still a fair bit of time until nightfall, John Dory finally stopped for the day. He stopped where he was, because this exact spot looked as good as any other spot in this area. He dropped his backpack on the ground and through his things to find some flint. He pulled out the critter he had caught and killed earlier this afternoon.

He didn't know what kind of critter it was, but food was food, and in the middle of nowhere one couldn't be picky. John Dory had wrapped the body in some fabric before putting it in his back, because he didn't want the rest of his things to smell like dead critter, but that was as much preparation as he had done.

He quickly gathered some sticks and within a few minutes got a fire going. He found a big rock and put it in the middle of the fire, being careful to not put it out. He wanted the flames to surround the rock, not be snuffed by it. He put the critter on the rock, and then sat down and let it cook.

There was probably a better way of doing this. John Dory was figuring this whole thing out as he went. That was just a theme in his life. He tried, he failed, and he tried again in a slightly different way. Sometimes he did better, sometimes he did way worse. Sometimes his new attempt somehow ended up just being a past attempt that was painted a different color.

When he was with his brothers, he felt like all of his failures were being put under a microscope. They always seemed to be waiting for him to screw up so they could throw it back in his face, no matter how small the offense was. And yet they wondered why he was reluctant to admit to them that he was ever wrong.

Messing up made him a bad person. If he was late picking his brothers up from school he was seen as a bad brother. If he defended his brothers from bullies then he was seen by the grown-ups as too aggressive. If he let Grandma borrow money for her gambling, then he was 'enabling her bad habits' or something, but if he didn't then he was accused of being greedy.

No matter what he did, or how hard he tried, he was always seen as a failure.

Out here messing up was just a part of life. If he did things wrong, nobody knew but him. He could try to do better tomorrow, and it was a refreshing breath of fresh air.

When there wasn't the pressure to be perfect, it was a lot easier to accept that he might never be. He was getting better, and he was content with that.

John Dory stretched as he waited for his food to cook. He was probably going to end up burning it. The taste was far from ideal, but he had berries that helped, and he would rather eat ash than wake up in the middle of the night because he was sick from undercooked food.

His legs didn't appreciate the stretches, but he knew that if he didn't do them then he would be in agony in the morning. He had to ease his body into rest.

He stretched for a good ten minutes before he got bored and decided that was probably good enough. He sat on the ground and pulled out his notebook. He had all kinds of things marked in there. Sometimes it was like a diary, making note of interesting things he'd seen that day. Sometimes he drew pictures, though he was far from a great artist. He wrote song lyrics and notes. He wrote down mistakes that he might have made during his travels so he would know what to avoid.

If he didn't write anything else down though, he always took note of the date. The days all blurred together out here, and he couldn't let himself lose track of time. He'd made a promise to his bros, and even if he was enjoying the time away from them he cared about them too much to break his word.

He'd been out here for almost a month. He had another month before they were supposed to get together for Grandma's birthday, and he had no intention of letting his brothers down.

He was looking forward to seeing them again, but a small part of him was nervous too. What if they hadn't missed him at all? What if they just fought again and nothing changed? Or what if everything changed and they all wanted him to come home?

He would if they wanted him to. Of course he would. They were his little bros. They were the most important trolls in his life. If they wanted him home, then he would come home without a second thought, even though he knew it would be hard to give up this freedom.

He didn't really know what he wanted. Did he want to stay out here indefinitely, not being responsible for anything except his own survival, even if it was a little lonely out here? Did he want everything to go back to the way they were before? Did he want to go home and have everything be completely different?

He didn't really want to think about it. He still had another month until it was something he even needed to think about, and he was going to enjoy every moment he had.

John Dory ate his dinner and decided against looking for shelter. He hadn't seen any signs of predators. The weather was clear, and he thought it wouldn't be too cold of a night. It would be nice to sleep under the stars.

He would need to start heading back to the Troll Tree within the next few days, but he would worry about that later. Right now he just wanted to enjoy the night.

As soon as Spruce had left the Troll Tree he had made his way to the ocean near Bergen Town. He'd never been there before, but John Dory had talked about it. He used to go camping a lot when they were kids, and every Trollstice, in an attempt to keep the little kids calm and quiet, John Dory would tell them about the different places he had seen.

Spruce had always been drawn to the stories about the ocean. It was odd to consider that there was an entire world out there besides the tree, and even Bergen Town. The thought of an ocean, where you could see the entire world in front of you, with water stretching out far to the horizon, it made the world feel impossibly large and it was thrilling.

Seeing the ocean was as exciting as he had always dreamed it would be. He could sit and stare at the water all day. That was actually what he did the first day, and when he saw a boat sailing out he jumped at the chance to go out there for himself. He didn't know where the boat was going, but he didn't really care.

The boat docked at an island. It was inhabited by beings that were about the size of a bergen. He didn't make a habit of getting up close and personal with bergens, so he didn't really know how they compared in size to Vacaytioners. All he knew was that both species were far bigger than him, and the Vacaytioners were much nicer than the bergens.

The locals were very kind and welcoming. He was a strange new species to them, but nobody gawked at him or made him feel like he was some fascinating and exotic creature or pet. He was just a visitor, and they treated him like they did any other.

The Vacaytioners went out of their way to make him food portions that fit him. A crafty young Vacaytioner made a bed for him to use, and he couldn't be more grateful.

They welcomed him here. Nobody asked about where he came from, or when he would leave. Nobody asked about his past or family. There was no judgement about why he was here and what he was running from. If Spruce wanted to talk about it, he knew many of the Vacaytioners would be more than happy to listen. They just weren't going to push it.

It was very relaxing on the island. Spruce was able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to do it. There were no older brothers scrutinizing his every move, ready to call him out and correct everything he did. There were no little brothers that needed him to constantly hold their hands.

No schedules. No rehearsals. No stressful pressure to be perfect. All he needed to do was be himself and do what he wanted.

And he couldn't even do that right.

He had been here for a month and he couldn't properly relax. He didn't know what to do with all this free time and lack of pressure. All he could think about was that as nice as this island was, he wished his brothers were here. Everything he saw reminded him of them.

He wanted to introduce Floyd to the Vacaytioners. His little brother was always so trusting and trying to see the good in people. More than once he'd suggested that they all just try to talk to the bergens, and Spruce was terrified of what he might do when he was old enough to push past the fear of getting eaten. Floyd would probably love seeing for himself that just because a creature was bigger than them didn't mean they were necessarily dangerous.

Clay would probably get a kick out of the architecture on this island. He might want to see why these buildings had structural integrity when they were made of sand and were exposed to water constantly.

John Dory was always looking for new sounds and styles to incorporate into his songs. He would probably be fascinated by all of the rhythms and casual harmonies in the Vacaytioners' music. John Dory was such a tense troll, but even he would probably relax if he got the chance to collaborate on a song.

And Spruce longed to show Baby Branch the beautiful sunsets. He was able to find some freedom on this island, and Baby Branch deserved to see the beauty in the world, and not just the constant fear.

But thinking about his brothers was bittersweet. He was supposed to be getting a break from them out here, and yet he couldn't stop missing them.

He was feeling homesick, and it wasn't fair. Why should he be missing his home when he knew all too well just how much of a disaster it was? Their home was tearing their relationships apart, and destroying any self-esteem any of them might have. This was for the best for all of them.

He wanted his brothers, but he also wanted to be happy, and he didn't know how to do both.

He'd be going home in another month. Maybe by then they would all have calmed down enough to figure out where to go from here. Spruce hoped so. He would love to come together again and be a real family.

But he didn't know how that was supposed to happen. Even if they were all happier and more relaxed now, that didn't mean they would be if they started living together again. Spruce didn't think that John Dory had just been making things up when he had told Floyd that being apart would strengthen their relationships.

Maybe someday they would all reach a point in their personal growth where they could all be a family without tearing each other apart, but Spruce knew they weren't there yet, and he didn't know if they would be there in a month.

But how were they supposed to grow together if they weren't even talking to each other? Spruce didn't really know, and that uncertainty frightened him.

This was why he didn't want to think about his brothers. Everything was just too complicated, and he didn't have the right answers. John Dory was the one who always seemed to know how things were supposed to be. Clay was the one who saw solutions to problems. Floyd was the peacekeeper and optimist. Baby Branch was the one who kept trying, no matter how hopeless things seemed.

Spruce didn't have his brother's strengths. He didn't have a trait that contributed to the family in that way. He was just Spruce, and he wasn't even really sure who that was.

He needed to stop thinking about his brothers, as cruel a thought as that might seem. It was just stressing him out, and completely defeating the purpose of him coming all the way out here. He was on a beautiful island. He had a whole month until he needed to reunite with his brothers, and he should be taking every advantage of it.

He didn't know how he was going to do that, but he had to figure out how. What was the point in abandoning his family if he couldn't even find who he was in the process?

Chapter Text

Floyd hadn't been sleeping great these past few months. The nights were far too quiet and lonely. He would fall asleep early, because he was so tired, but more often than not he would wake up from a nightmare and be unable to fall back asleep. He would just sit in his bed and cry quietly to himself until morning.

If one of the others were awake and heard him they wouldn't hesitate to provide comfort. Everett would pick him up and carry him to his and Payton’s bed for cuddles. If Payton was the one who found him they would make some hot chocolate for him and just sit with him until he dozed off.

Link wasn't the best at giving words of comfort, but if Floyd's crying woke him up he would get out of bed, go to the kitchen, and come back with some water and a plate of snacks. Link would put the snacks on the table, hand Floyd one of his stuffed animals, and then go back to bed and politely not ask about what was wrong.

Shade was the only one who tried to get him to talk about his nightmares. Floyd didn't really know how to explain that it wasn't his bad dreams that bothered him, it was his brothers’ absence.

Shade didn't know his brothers. All he knew about them were the not so great things. He didn't understand why Floyd missed them, but he still lended a listening ear.

They were all really nice, but they weren't Floyd's family, and he didn't want to burden them. He would rather keep his distress to himself. He'd gladly accept their comfort if they found him crying, but he didn't seek them out. How could he?

When he woke up far too early on Grandma's birthday he didn't even bother trying to go back to sleep. He wiped away his tears. This wasn't a day for crying. John Dory and Spruce were coming back today. They'd finally be a family again.

Floyd hoped they'd had their adventure and relaxation that they needed and we're ready to come back home. He was tired of his family being split up like this.

They hadn't talked about what time they'd meet up. Branch would probably still go to daycare, and Clay probably had work. Floyd was technically supposed to go to school today, but he didn't even consider going to school. He wanted to take advantage of every second he could get with his brothers.

He got out of bed and made his way out of the pod. He knew he should probably tell Everett and Payton where he was going. They worried about him. But they were asleep and he didn't want to bother them. And they'd probably tell him to wait for morning, and he couldn't wait another second.

It was so late, or maybe early, and Floyd saw nobody around as he went to their family pod. He hadn't been here for two months. The silence seemed to echo in his ears. There was no fighting, or singing, or anything. It was just wrong. Hopefully it wouldn't last. He would take the constant fighting over this unbearable silence.

Floyd grabbed a blanket left in the bedroom and dragged it into the main room. He curled up on the ground facing the front door. The second one of his brothers came home he would know

Floyd watched and waited, too eager to feel bored as the hours slowly passed. Even when the sun rose and he heard the tree come to life outside he still sat there and waited. His stomach grumbled, but he ignored it. He knew there wouldn't be food sitting around after two months and he didn't want to leave to find something to eat. He could wait.

He sat there for hours, but it was all worth it when he heard some familiar humming. He perked up and smiled. He knew that voice!

“John Dory!” He ran to the door and launched himself at his older brother just as he walked through the front door. He knew he caught his big brother off guard, but John caught him effortlessly and swung him around.

“Floyd!” John Dory laughed and gave him a tight squeeze. “How've you been, Bro?”

Floyd didn't know how to answer that. He'd been doing fine, technically. He was safe. He was taken care of. But he wasn't happy. He missed his brothers way too much.

But he couldn't just tell John Dory that he'd been miserable for two months. He couldn't lie to him either. Before he could figure out how to answer John Dory put him down and continued talking. Floyd didn't know if he didn't care about the answer, or if he didn't want to force Floyd to answer something that obviously made him uncomfortable.

“What're you doing here so early?” John Dory asked. “The sun's barely up.”

“I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wait.” Floyd said. “I missed you so much.” He felt like he was going to start crying. John Dory gave him a soft look. He ruffled Floyd's hair.

“I missed you too, Floy Boy. John Dory said. Floyd giggled. It had been so long since John had called him by that nickname. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it.

Floyd sniffled and leaned against his big brother. John pet his head. “You okay, bro?”. Floyd nodded. His brother was here now. Of course he was okay. John Dory didn't seem to believe him.

“You know, I saw some pretty fun things when I was gone.” John Dory said. Floyd could hear the smile in his voice. He knew what his brother was doing. Oftentimes when Floyd was upset and either wouldn't or couldn't talk about what was wrong his brother would tell him a funny story to distract him and give him company.

It usually did wonders to calm Floyd, but the thought of it today made his chest hurt. He didn't want to hear about all the different fun things that John Dory did and how much he loved being gone. He just wanted to pretend that his brothers had never left.

There was one thing that Floyd needed to know though.

“Do you love us more now?” Floyd asked. John Dory pulled away from him and gave him a flabbergasted look.

“What?” John looked confused and concerned.  

Floyd's ears drooped. “You said…you said that being away from each other will make us love each other more.” He didn't think he loved his brothers more, he just missed them. “So, did it work? Do you love us more now?” He thought he would feel sick if John felt the same as before. What would have been the point in all of this if it didn't work?

“That's not…” John Dory sighed. “Floyd, it's complicated.”

His heart dropped. Tears began to fall from his eyes. He pulled away from John Dory and wrapped his arms around himself. His brother cooed at him and tried to pull him into another hug, but Floyd turned away from him. He retreated back to his corner and pulled the blanket around his shoulders.

“Come on, Floyd,” John Dory said. “You know I love you guys.”

Floyd huffed and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He didn't know what was so complicated about it. He just wanted to know if his brothers had lied to him to make him feel better when they left.

John Dory tried to reassure him, but Floyd didn't want to hear anything he had to say. Eventually John stopped with the empty words. He just sat next to Floyd and kept him company.

Floyd was upset with him and a part of him wanted to be left alone, but he couldn't help but be happy to know that he hadn't been left behind again.

They sat there for a while. Floyd's stomach twisted up in a way that he was familiar with by now. It was the feeling of homesickness that had been his constant companion for two months. He had thought it would go away when he went home and saw his brothers again.

He wondered if John Dory was feeling homesick and a bit sad right now. He wondered if he'd felt homesick at all when he was gone.

“Uh…hey, John Dory.” Floyd stiffened when he heard Spruce's voice. He hadn't heard him come home. “Is something wrong? Because you look like you're about to start crying over a blanket.”

“Spruce, thank the muses.” John Dory started to stand up. Floyd felt his chest tighten in a panic. He reached out and grabbed his brother through the blanket. He didn't want him to leave again.

“Don't go.” He cried. He knew he was being a big baby. He just couldn't stop.

“Whoa, hey, it's okay.” John Dory said. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“Floyd?” Spruce pulled the blanket up to reveal Floyd's face. “Whatcha doin’ in there?”

“I think he missed his bros.” John Dory said. Floyd nodded. That was what it all came back to.

Spruce gave him a sympathetic look. He picked Floyd up and held him as easily as he would Baby Branch.

“I was going to get started on making dinner for tonight.” Spruce said. He always spent all day cooking when it was a special occasion. “You wanna be my helper?” Floyd nodded eagerly. This was exactly what he needed.

Spruce carried him into the kitchen. He set Floyd on the counter. John Dory followed them, bringing in a number of bags. He set them on the table and started going through them.

“You do some grocery shopping, Bro?” John Dory pulled out all kinds of berries and treats out of the bags, setting them out. Floyd recognized the ingredients for Grandma's favorite soup, and a lot of stuff for making desserts and sweets.

“Well, I knew you wouldn't.” Spruce grabbed the last bag from John Dory before he could unpack it. “Hey, souvenirs are for later.”

Floyd sat up. “You brought presents?”

“Yeah, ‘course I did.” Spruce grinned brightly at him. John Dory looked a little offended.

“Hey, I got souvenirs too.” John Dory said defensively. “They're just not that fancy. There's only so much I can carry with me when hiking in the wilderness.”

Floyd hadn't expected any presents. He loved them already. And he knew that John Dory was always picky about what he packed and brought with him when he camped. The fact that he'd brought things as useless as gifts meant that he cared enough about his brothers to make some space for them. It made Floyd feel light and happy.

He smiled and kicked his legs. This was the feeling he'd been looking for for two months. Maybe all he needed was more than one brother at a time.

They started cooking. Spruce did most of it, though when he needed to do something that was time sensitive he would make John Dory take over cutting or stirring while Spruce took care of business.

Floyd would be happy to help, but he didn't really want to get down from the counter to be the ingredient gatherer like he usually was. Instead he just watched and played the part of the taste tester.

Spruce and John Dory talked to each other as they worked. Floyd was more than happy to just sit and listen, but then their conversation shifted to what they'd been up to these past few months.

They both sounded so happy as they talked, and every word made Floyd's stomach drop. It looked like some time away had been good for them. Floyd couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his two oldest brothers just talk and get along for this long. There wasn't a hint of a fight.

This should be a great thing, and Floyd wanted to be ecstatic, but he couldn't help but feel scared and disappointed, and he was so mad at himself for it. What was wrong with him, that he was upset that his brothers were happy?

And why couldn't he be happy himself? John Dory and Spruce were clearly doing great, and he knew that Branch was thriving and Clay had never been happier. This plan was working for everybody else. Why was he the only one who couldn't figure out how to be happy?

He didn't really want to listen to his brothers go on and on about how great they were doing without him. He climbed down from the counter and walked away when his brothers were looking the other way.

He left the kitchen. He picked up the blanket, wrapped it around his shoulders, laying on the couch and curling up into a tight ball.

It was a few minutes later before Spruce came in. He sat next to Floyd, picking him up and holding him on his lap.

“You feeling okay, Loy-loy?” Spruce asked quietly. Floyd wanted to say he was fine, but when he tried to say so it came out in a pathetic keen. He snuggled against his brother, who pulled him close.

John Dory came up to them. Floyd heard him whisper something to Spruce, though he couldn't make out what he said. It must have been bad, because Spruce's grip on him tightened painfully and he quickly turned to glare at John Dory.  

“Seriously?” Spruce hissed. John Dory shrugged. Floyd hoped they didn't start fighting. “And? What did you say?”

“What was I supposed to say?” John Dory said. Spruce groaned and stroked Floyd's hair.

“Floyd, I've gotta go talk to John about some stuff for a minute. You cool if we just step into the kitchen? We'll be right back.” Floyd didn't want to stop cuddling, but it sounded important and Floyd didn't want to hold him back. He reluctantly crawled off of Spruce's lap.

His older brothers went into the kitchen. Floyd went back to curling in on himself on the couch. He heard his brothers speaking tensely to each other. He didn't know what they were fighting about, but there was definitely an argument.

It didn't last very long. It was only a few minutes later that his brothers returned to him. They looked upset, but not mad. He wondered what was wrong.

Spruce sat down on the couch again, pulling Floyd onto his lap again.

“Sorry ‘bout that, Loy-loy.” Spruce said. “Turns out I forgot some things when I was out. John Dory was going to go pick them up for me. You cool with that?”

No, he wasn't cool with it, because he could tell when his brothers were lying because they didn't think he could handle the truth. They were hiding something from him. But he didn't want to call them out, because his brothers were always so tense after a fight, even a small one, and he didn't want them to become tense with him.

He stayed curled up against Spruce and tried to ignore the dread in his stomach that told him that John Dory wasn't going to come back

Spruce and Floyd sat in silence for a few minutes after John Dory left. Floyd felt like he was supposed to say something, but he didn't know what. Eventually Spruce broke the silence.

“So…how're things going with Payton and Everett?” Spruce asked. Floyd shrugged.

“It's fine.” Floyd muttered.

“What's it like?” Spruce asked. “Do you have fun?”

Floyd didn't know what his brother wanted him to say. “They're nice.” Spruce hummed in a way that made it clear that he wanted more information. Floyd huffed. “Shade and Link have started inviting me to play with them after school, but I think Everett asked them to. He doesn't like it when I wait for Clay after school.”

“Why not?” Spruce asked. There was a dangerous edge to his voice. Maybe he thought that Everett didn't want him spending time with Clay. Floyd felt the need to defend his guardian.”

“He just doesn't want me to be sad.” Floyd said quickly.

“And why would spending time with Clay make you sad?” Spruce's voice was still low and angry. Floyd scrambled to find the right thing to say.

“It doesn't.” Floyd said defensively. “Clay's just really busy.”

“Busy,” Spruce scoffed. “And how many times did Clay leave you waiting for him?”

Floyd hunched his shoulders. “Three?” It had been more than that. Those were the times when Clay was an hour or two late, but did eventually come. Floyd had lost track of the times where Floyd waited until Everett or Payton came to get him for dinner.

Spruce was looking mad now, and Floyd felt awful. He hated when his brothers fought, and now he'd made Spruce mad at Clay. It wasn't Clay's fault that he'd rather work than spend fifteen minutes with Floyd every day.

He clung to Spruce. “Please don't be mad at him. His work's important, and he shouldn't need to babysit his stupid, clingy little brother just because he's too sensitive to be by himself.” Floyd was crying now. He'd been thinking this kind of thing for a while now, but saying it out loud made him feel like something inside of him was breaking.

Spruce gave him an alarmed look. “Did Clay say that?” Floyd shook his head. “What about Everett and Payton? Or one of their boys?”

“No. Nobody said anything.” Floyd said. Spruce just looked more upset.

“So your head’s just being mean to you?” Spruce asked. Floyd started. Was that what was happening? Now that he thought about it, yeah. He nodded. Spruce sighed and pulled him close.

“How long have you been thinking about this kind of thing?” Spruce asked. Floyd had to think about it for a long minute. It had been getting worse lately, but he'd been thinking that he was a burden on his brothers off and on for as long as he could remember.

“Forever?” Floyd didn't know if that was the right answer. Spruce's face fell.

“Why didn't you say something?” Spruce asked. He sounded devastated. Floyd just tilted his head at him.

“I didn't want to bother you.” Floyd said plainly. Spruce grimaced.

“Right. That was a dumb question.” He brushed some of Floyd's hair out of his face. He kisses his forehead. “It's okay. We'll figure it out. But just know that you're not a burden or a bother.”

He sounded like he meant it, but Floyd knew that Spruce and John Dory had also left because it was too hard to take care of them. How did that not make him a burden?

Spruce seemed like he wanted to say something more, but he kept just sighing and stopping himself before he even started.

Between the silence and his brother's company Floyd's exhaustion started to get the best of him. He started to doze off, and he didn't fight it.

He didn't sleep for long. He heard some talking, and it brought him out of his sleep. He was still tired, and incredibly comfortable. He wanted to just roll over and go back to sleep. He was prevented from doing so when someone jumped on him.

Floyd had his air knocked out of him, and he was definitely awake now. He looked to see Branch beaming at him.

“Branch!” John Dory picked Floyd up. “Let him sleep.”

“It's fine, I'm up.” Floyd rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Why were you sleeping?” Branch asked with a frown. “It's not bedtime.”

“I'm just a little tired.” Floyd said. “I haven't been sleeping great lately.” He'd been trying to reassure Branch, but now John Dory and Spruce were looking at him in concern.

“You haven't been sleeping?” Clay frowned slightly. Floyd wondered when he and Branch had gotten here. He didn't think he'd slept for that long. 

“Why don't you already know this?” Spruce asked tensely. Floyd stiffened. Oh no. Clay raised an eyebrow at Spruce. He had no idea why he was in trouble.

Floyd pulled on Spruce's sleeve. “Don't be mad.”. He didn't want them yelling tonight. Especially not over him. Spruce gave him a gentle look.

“I'm not mad.” Spruce said. I've just gotta talk to John Dory and Clay about some things.”

Floyd pouted. “Me. You're talking about me.”

Spruce didn't even bother defending himself or coming up with excuses. He just ruffled Floyd's hair and went into the kitchen. John Dory and Clay followed him. Floyd groaned and leaned back. This was not how he had wanted today to go. He just wanted to bond with his brothers and celebrate Grandma's birthday.

Grandma's birthday…oh. Floyd had forgotten to get her a present. He'd been so busy thinking about his brothers and looking forward to seeing them.

“Hey, Branch, I think Grandma's crafting kit is still in her room. You think you can help me make something for her?” Floyd asked. “I was silly and forgot.”

“Yeah, I can help.” Branch said eagerly. He took Floyd's hand. “We do a lot of crafting in daycare. I can show you something to make.” 

“Sounds great, Bud.” Floyd said. He tried to ignore the sound of his brothers arguing in the kitchen. Again. He didn't want to think about it. Branch was holding his hand and talking brightly about something other than how happy he was without their family. That was what Floyd wanted to think about right now.

He would stress about his older brothers later. He was sure there would be plenty of opportunities.

It was going to be a long day.

Chapter Text

Clay didn’t want to be here.  It was nice to see his brothers again, and he was more than happy to celebrate Grandma’s birthday, of course, but being with his brothers after so long was not a great feeling.  He didn’t want to watch his words and tiptoe around issues to avoid a fight.  He didn’t want to play ‘happy family’.  He wanted to do his job.

But as much as he thrived on being respected by the princess and everybody else he talked to, it wasn’t quite all that he had hoped it would be.  There was something missing, and he hated that he knew exactly what that something was.  He didn’t just want to be respected, he wanted to be respected by his brothers.

His brothers weren’t going to be impressed by everything he was capable of.  There wasn’t a lot that his brothers respected.  They respected musicians, and they respected good siblings, even though Clay sometimes felt like none of them would recognize a good sibling if it kicked them in the butt.

Clay hated that a part of him would probably always long for his brothers’ approval.  He deserved more than to constantly feel like he needed to prove himself to those who were supposed to always love and accept him.

He wanted to try to just forget about his brothers, but he couldn’t.  As much as his brothers drove him nuts he did love them, and he didn’t want to hurt them.  He could deal with disappointing John Dory and Spruce, since it seemed like they were always disappointed in him, but he wasn’t going to go out of his way to let down Floyd and Baby Branch just to stick it to their big brothers.  He liked to think he wasn’t that petty.

So he really wasn’t happy when, instead of getting ready for Grandma’s party, Spruce dragged Clay and John Dory into the kitchen because ‘they were all emotionally neglecting Floyd, and needed to figure out what to do about it’ .

Clay was doing nothing of the sort!  John Dory and Spruce were the ones who had left!  They were the ones who had walked out and never even thought of sending a letter.  Clay knew he didn’t spend as much time with Floyd as either of them wanted, but at least he was here.  At least Floyd could actually talk to him.  At least Clay talked to Floyd’s guardians and teacher every once and a while to at least have an idea of how he was doing.

Floyd didn’t need to be babied.  He was stronger than John Dory and Spruce gave him credit for.  He was sensitive and emotional, yes, but that didn’t mean that he constantly needed someone to hold his hand, cover him in blankets, and shield him from anything that could do him harm.  Clay knew enough to know that while that kind of treatment might help Floyd in the moment, it would make him even more dependent on them than he already was.

Floyd was capable of standing on his own two feet and being on his own, even if he didn’t want to.  Clay was just giving him the space he needed to do it.  So what if it was taking forever?  Floyd would figure it out eventually, but not if they kept coddling him.

Clay knew he could, and should be doing better with walking Floyd home from school, or at least talking to him about it.  He was working on it.  Maybe he could talk to his brother about them just doing it on Friday, and they’d get ice cream afterwards and talk about the week.  Floyd would have to be more independent, but he wouldn’t be abandoned.  And it would be a lot easier for Clay to set aside an hour for Floyd one day a week instead of just squeezing in a few minutes every single day.

Clay hadn’t hashed out the details yet, but he’d get around to it.  And whatever he and Floyd ended up doing it was just between him and Floyd, and Spruce had no right to force himself into the middle of it.  If there really was a problem Floyd would say something.  He’d never been scared of speaking his mind to Clay before. 

“I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”  Clay said when Spruce told them for the fifth or so time that they were ‘ruining’ Floyd.  Of course, Spruce was unimpressed by Clay’s response.  He snapped his head around to glare at him, growling dangerously as he did so.

“Floyd’s beating himself up because you keep abandoning him.”  Spruce said sharply.  “That’s not nothing.”   Clay had had enough.

“Says the guy who left. ”  Clay snapped.  “You walked away and probably didn’t give us a second thought, and yet somehow it’s my fault that he’s clingy and upset.”  Spruce and John Dory both looked mad, but Clay wasn’t done yet.  “And when I said ‘nothing’ obviously I didn’t mean that his emotions don’t matter.  I mean it's nothing that concerns you.”

Spruce looked like he’d been slapped in the face.  He looked genuinely wounded, and Clay was confused about it.  He didn’t have time to think about it because John Dory forced himself between the two of them, pushing Clay back.

“Dude, back off.”  John Dory said.  “Stop acting like you have the moral high ground.  The only reason you didn’t leave was because you were able to get what you wanted here.  Me and Spruce couldn’t.”

Clay understood that much.  He didn’t actually blame his brothers for leaving.  They were doing what they could, trying to find a balance between doing what was best for themselves and what was best for their family.

“I don’t care that you left.”  Clay said.  Maybe that was harsher than he meant, but he wasn’t in the mood to be nice about it.  “I care that you’re acting like I need to take time away from my job, my dream , to baby Floyd when he’s only upset in the first place because you guys aren’t here.”  It was really hard to try to keep his voice down.  He didn’t mind fighting with his brothers, but he wasn’t so cold that he would start an argument about Floyd when their little bro was still in the pod.

“We’re not asking you to baby him.”  Spruce said.

“Yes you are.”  Clay said.  His brothers had no idea what they were doing.  “That’s not my job.  That’s what Everett and Payton are for.”

“They’re trying.”  John Dory said.  “I went to talk to them before I picked up you and Branch.  I wanted to talk to them about Floyd.  And you know, they didn’t even know where he was this morning.”

Clay blinked.  He felt concern and an angry protectiveness build up in his chest.  His little brother’s guardians didn’t know where he had been.  Clay had been able to not pay as much attention to Floyd because he thought he could afford to.  He had thought that Everett and Payton would keep an eye on him.

“How could they not know?”  Spruce sounded almost frantic.  He seemed just as concerned as Clay felt.  It was a fair question.  If Floyd had been missing them, which he clearly had, then he must have been counting down the days until they reunited.  Clay hadn’t been spending a lot of time with Floyd, and yet he had still heard his brother say that he couldn’t wait to all be together again.  Surely Everett and Payton had to know where Floyd was today.

“They didn’t know because he didn’t talk to them.”  John Dory said.  “He was gone before they even woke up.  He didn’t say a word when he left, and I have no idea how long he was waiting here for us.”  John Dory sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  “Floyd’s been having nightmares.  And he’s been struggling to focus at school.  Everett and Payton try to help him when they know something’s wrong.  He’ll talk to them when they go to him, but he won’t seek them out.”

“Why not?”  Spruce asked.  “It’s Floyd.  He can bond with anybody .  He’ll let himself be emotionally vulnerable with anybody who will care to listen.”

Spruce didn’t understand, but Clay felt like he did, and he felt his stomach sink, both with guilt and with annoyance.  Floyd was being given affection, just like Clay was being given respect, but it wasn’t what they wanted.  What they needed.  

It just didn’t mean as much if they couldn’t get it from their brothers.

But explaining that to John Dory and Spruce wasn’t an option that he wanted to consider.  They would either dismiss him, which would hurt, and start coming up with some ridiculous plan to ‘help’ Floyd that would ultimately end up hurting him, or they would believe him and eventually wonder how he knew.  If there was one thing that Clay didn’t want to talk to his older brothers about, it was the fact that he craved their approval.

“I’ll talk to Floyd.”  Clay said, though he knew that wasn’t what Spruce wanted to hear.  “And I’ll try harder to give him the attention he needs.”  Because now Clay knew that it was, in fact, a need, and whether he liked it or not he was the only one in a position to fill that hole.

Spruce or John Dory probably had more to say, but Clay didn’t want to hear it.  He left the kitchen and went to go find their little brothers.  Hopefully Spruce and John Dory wouldn’t start a fight while the little ones were around.

Maybe Clay shouldn’t use his little brothers as a shield to avoid talking to the others, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty for it.  He was tired of John Dory being bossy, and Spruce was only jumping on the ‘bossy big bro train’ because he was probably feeling guilty for leaving Floyd, but not guilty enough to stay.

Clay wondered which of his brothers was going to break it to Floyd that Spruce and John Dory were definitely not sticking around for good.  They’d had a taste of freedom, and they clearly weren’t jumping at the chance to give it up, otherwise they wouldn’t be down Clay’s throat about stepping up his big bro game.

One thing was for sure, Clay was definitely not going to be the one to talk to Floyd about that particular topic.  If Spruce and John Dory were going to be doing things for themselves, good for them for one, but also they needed to deal with the fallout.

He found Floyd and Branch in their old bedroom, sitting on the floor, surrounded by yarn.  Branch had somehow gotten yarn in his hair, and Floyd was trying to untangle a mess of yarn that seemed to be getting more and more tangled the more he messed with it.  They were laughing and giggling though, and for a long moment Clay just stood there and watched them fondly.

He couldn’t really remember the last time he’d seen his little brothers like this.  Every time he’d seen Floyd lately he always looked like he was putting on a show.  He was still sweet and smiling, but there was a constant sadness in his eyes.  That look was gone now, and he seemed sincerely happy, even if his smile was maybe a little dimmer than Clay would like.

Branch’s smile was so bright that it seemed to light up the room.  Clay had never seen him like this.  Branch had always been happy.  He was the most optimistic of all of them, though Clay thought that was because he was still young enough to be blind to all the issues their family had.

As hopeful as Branch was, and as easy as it was to cheer him up and make him smile when he was upset, he was also quick to grow upset when he sensed rising tensions.  It could be dizzying sometimes how quickly Branch could switch from one intense emotion to the next.  Floyd seemed to be the only one who was able to help him balance his feelings out.

Clay was glad that their arguing hadn’t killed Branch’s joy, as it so frequently did.  Branch and Floyd deserved to be happy.

“Hey, Squirt.”  Clay ruffled Branch’s hair, getting the hair even more tangled up.  His baby bro giggled.  “Sprout.”  Clay wrapped his arms around Floyd’s shoulders.  Floyd let out a quiet but harsh breath that was like a gasp.  Clay was about to pull away, not wanting to overstep his boundaries, but Floyd leaned into the touch and Clay felt him noticeably relax.  He hadn’t realized how tense Floyd was.

He wanted to talk about it, but he didn’t want to push Floyd away either, so Clay pushed his concerns back.  His brothers were having a good time.  He shouldn’t ruin that.

“What’re you guys up to?’  Clay asked

“We’re trying to macramé a bracelet for grandma.”  Floyd snorted.  “I think we’re just making a mess.”

“Here, let me help.”  Clay started to untangle the yarn, rolling it up cleanly as he went.  He had to hold back from completely taking over the project.  He could make a macrame bracelet in five minutes, but this was Floyd’s and Branch’s thing, and Clay knew how important it could be for a kid to actually feel like they accomplished something.

Clay helped keep the yarn clean while Branch tried to talk Floyd through the knots needed for a bracelet.  Grandma did macramé a lot, and some of the bros had picked up a thing or two, but not all of them did.

John Dory was nearly as good at it as Grandma was.  He could tie knots like an expert.  Branch spent a lot of time with Grandma while the others had been busy with the band, so he’d learned quite a bit too.  Clay was familiar with it in theory, and he’d watched Grandma do it often enough, but he didn’t have a lot of practical practice.  Spruce had never been interested in it, and Floyd had just never gotten the hang of it.  

Every time Grandma tried to show Floyd what to do she would sit him on her lap and talk about every step.  Floyd tried to pay attention at first, but inevitably he would doze off to the comforting touch and repetitive words and motions, and he soon fell asleep.  It was such a sure thing that often when Floyd woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare John Dory would do just that to calm him.

Maybe they should tell Payton and Everett about this strategy.

Floyd clearly tried to pay attention to Branch, but he was already exhausted and he seemed to be dozing off.  He missed the occasional knot and somehow his bracelet ended up facing the exact wrong way, but it was a bracelet, and it was secure enough that it wouldn’t come undone easily.  Grandma would love it, and Floyd seemed happy to have made something.

“I made it.”  Floyd smiled, though he still looked tired.  Just how early had he gotten up this morning?  “I-I don’t think I’ve made something before.”  A lot of trolls did arts and crafts of some sort, but their family hadn’t done a lot of those things.  They’d been too busy with the band.

Clay had never felt the desire to create in this kind of way.  He expressed himself with his plans and books.  But just because he had an outlet didn’t mean that Floyd did.  If he couldn’t talk to his brothers, and he didn’t have a creative outlet to work through his feelings himself, how did Floyd figure out his complicated thoughts and emotions?

Maybe that was something else that Clay needed to talk to Floyd about.

He didn’t like all of these new issues he was seeing in Floyd.  He didn’t want to see his brother like he was just another problem that needed to be solved.  He was sure that Floyd wasn’t doing as badly as John Dory and Spruce seemed to think he was.  He was probably just havig a bad day.

Bad day or not, Clay still needed to talk to him about a thing or two, just so he wouldn’t keep making assumptions about what was going on.

He was soon given his chance.  While they were cleaning up the yarn John Dory came into the room.

“I’m going to go get Grandma.”  John Dory said.  “Anyone want to come?”

Branch jumped up to his feet.  “Me!  Me!  I wanna see Grandma!”

“I’m cool here.”  Clay said.  Floyd shrugged and ran his fingers across the bracelet he had made.  Branch ran to John Dory and took his hand.  John Dory gave Clay a significant look before making his way out, leaving him and Floyd on their own.

Spruce was probably still busy in the kitchen.  This was Clay’s chance.  He tried to figure out how to start the conversation, but it wasn’t necessary.  Floyd spoke up first.

“I’m sorry I got Spruce mad at you.”  Floyd said.  He wouldn’t meet Clay’s eyes.  “I didn’t try to.”

“Don’t worry about it.”  Clay said.  He was annoyed with Spruce, but he wasn’t going to blame Floyd for that.

“I’m not mad at you for missing those days.”  Floyd muttered.  Clay’s stomach dropped.  Floyd still wasn’t looking at him.  Maybe he was sincere about not being mad, but he was definitely upset, and Clay felt like an idiot for not considering how upset he was about this whole thing.  “I know you’re busy.”

Clay was very busy, and things would just be getting more hectic in the coming weeks.  He didn’t want Floyd to become an afterthought to him.  Not now that he knew that there was a problem.

“Just because I’m busy doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.”  Clay said.  He wasn’t sure if any of them had actually sat Floyd down and explained that to him.

“I know.”  Floyd said, though Clay didn’t think he did.  “But you have more important things to do.”

Clay sighed.  He wrapped his arms around Floyd and pulled him into a tight hug.  Floyd stiffened, and then he let out a shaky breath and leaned against him.  Clay wondered if he was touch-starved.  Then he thought about it for half a second and realized that of course he was.  Everett and Payton were still getting used to Floyd.  And while Clay didn’t know those two that well, he had seen Shade and Link at school and he knew the two boys, while not touch averse, were not as free with their physical affection as many trolls were.

There was nothing wrong with that.  Clay himself didn’t like touch unless it was from someone he was already comfortable with.  But it must be a bit of a shock to Floyd.  Their family was actually quite physically affectionate.  They were constantly giving each other high fives, and throwing their arms over each other’s shoulders, and ruffle each other’s hair.

Floyd had gone from all that casual touch to an environment that was a lot less free and loose.  Maybe Floyd didn’t even realize that he was missing this type of affection.

It was something else he might need to talk to Payton and Everett about.  Clay made a note of it, and then focused his attention on what Floyd needed right now.

“You’re still my little bro.”  Clay said quietly.  “You’re always going to be really important to me.  I’m still having a hard time figuring out how to work out my priorities.  My work’s important, yes, but I’m not so prideful to think that it’s the most important thing in the world.”  He still needed to figure out a balance, and he thought he had an idea of how to get there.

“You know, working with Viva can be hard.”  Clay said slowly.  “She has a way that she likes to do things, and I have a way that I think things should be done.  We’ve needed to compromise.  One thing that we do is if Viva is feeling really strongly about doing something, and she thinks it’s really important that I actually listen to hear, she’ll say a code word of sorts to let me know that what she’s saying is serious, and I need to take it seriously.  And vice versa for me.”

He gave Floyd a tight squeeze.  “Why don’t we try something like that?  We’ll come up with a word for you.  If you need me you just have to say the word and I’ll drop what I’m doing.”  He thought that he could trust Floyd to not abuse the code word.  “And secret word or not, I’ll try to do better to give you the attention you need.”

Floyd hummed contently and nuzzled against him.  “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”  Clay said.  “So, what should our secret word be?”

Floyd thought for a second before he pulled back and looked at him.  “Cupcakes?”

Clay snorted.  “You don’t even like cupcakes.”

“Exactly.”  Floyd giggled.  “So you know I’m not just going to accidentally say it and make you think that I really need you when I actually just want to share a desert with you.”

Clay laughed and playfully nudged Floyd.  “You’re such a brat, you know that?”  Oh, how he had missed his brother.  He really did need to spend more time with him.

Floyd snorted, but his laughter quickly turned into a yawn.  Clay smirked slightly.  “You feeling tired?”

“A little.”  Floyd admitted.  Clay pulled him onto the bed, cuddling him.  

“We’ve got plenty of time before the party.”  Clay said.  “I heard you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.  Why don’t you take a nap?”

Floyd hummed and drew close to him.  “You’re not going to leave without me?”

“Never.”  Clay said.  “If you sleep through the party and Spruce and John Dory think of walking off without saying goodbye I’ll tie them down until you wake up.”

Floyd giggled again.  “I’m not going to sleep that long.”  Clay was glad that he was able to get Floyd to lighten up and find some amusement beyond his very real insecurities.

Clay smiled and gently pushed Floyd’s head down, putting his hand on his eyes.  “Get some rest, Bro.  I’ll be right here with you when you wake up.”

That seemed to be the key.  Floyd sighed and his body grew lax as he finally relaxed.  Floyd finally got some rest, and for the first time that day Clay felt okay about how everything was going.  He just hoped that feeling lasted.

Chapter Text

John Dory wasn't a party guy.  Sure, he liked parties, but he was always the guy standing in the corner, watching the trolls around him have fun.  Or he was brother wrangling.

Parties were fun and all, but they were also loud.  And crowded.  And nobody seemed to act like themselves.  They always acted like funner versions of themselves.

John Dory understood the social need to wear a mask and play a part.  He did it all the time.  But so many trolls who accused him of being ‘fake’ were also the ones who wore the thickest masks at parties, and he didn't appreciate the hypocrisy.

As much as John Dory didn’t understand parties, even small ones, he still enjoyed planning them.

Spruce had tried to tell him that he didn't have to ‘ plan’ Grandma's party.  That nobody would mind if they just had dinner together.  But John Dory would mind.

This wasn't just Grandma's birthday.  It was their first reunion.  How today went would decide how their relationship would go moving forward.  Would they move back together?  Would they start up the band again?  Maybe they'd live apart, but still have the band.

Was Clay's job too stressful for him and he needed help from a big bro, or was he thriving and they should just leave him alone?  Had Branch made friends?  Was he happy?  Floyd seemed to be having a hard time, but did he need them? Would he be better off without his brothers at all?

Spruce seemed to be doing better, but he was so tense.  Was that just how he was, and maybe he wasn't doing as well as he seemed? Or maybe he was doing great on his own and he was only tense because he was back with the family and didn't really know where he fit in with them anymore.

That was definitely how John Dory was feeling.

As for what he needed as far as his home and brothers went…well, that didn't really matter, did it?  He was the oldest.  He was the one that made the sacrifices.  He didn't even think about what he wanted after today, because that was just setting himself up for failure.

If he wanted to come home but his bros didn't want or need him, then he would leave, and it would kill him inside.  And if he wanted to go out into the wilderness again but his bros needed him here then he would stay, and he'd always feel that bittersweet hollowness in his chest that came with giving up what he needed so someone else could have what they wanted.

So he convinced himself that he didn't really care.  That all he wanted was for his brothers to be happy.  Now all he had to worry about was how to accomplish that.

That was why the party was important.  He wanted his bros to have a good time, because even if they went their separate ways he needed them to all have a good memory to look back on, not just all the bad. And this party would be how he would figure out what his brothers needed.

He helped Spruce in the kitchen because he knew that was where his brother was at his most relaxed.  And if John Dory got to him before picking up the younger kids then Spruce wouldn't feel the need to censor his feelings.  It should have been very straightforward to figure out what Spruce wanted to do.

Floyd being there had thrown everything off.

John Dory didn't blame his little brother.  If Floyd was here because he was upset, well, that was a good starting off point to figure out what Floyd needed.

It just hadn't been what John Dory had planned, and it complicated the matter of figuring Spruce out.

John Dory could adapt though.  He'd wait for things to settle before trying again with Spruce.  He'd see if Floyd calmed down after a nap and some cuddles.  In the meantime he had some one-on-one time with Branch, just like he had planned for.

John Dory couldn't help but be proud of himself.  Even after two months apart he still knew his brother's well.  He had opened the invitation to go get Grandma to all the bros, but Branch had been the only one to accept, just as he thought he would.

Spruce was still busy cooking, and he didn't like stopping when he was in ‘the zone’.  Clay would probably come up with any excuse in the world to not be around John Dory.  Especially after a fight.

Floyd might have accepted the invitation, but John Dory knew there had been a much higher chance that he'd stick around the pod.  Floyd had always preferred to stay at home, and John Dory knew the kid would feel guilty for leaving, just in case somebody wanted his help while he was gone.

Spruce and Clay would probably accuse John Dory of manipulating the situation to get what he wanted.  He preferred to see it as utilizing the knowledge he had.

It was very easy to get Branch talking about how he'd been these past few months.  John Dory just had to ask if he'd made any friends, and Branch started rambling.  It was nice to see his baby brother get so excited like this, even though it hurt that John Dory had never seen him quite like this before.  He knew he had nobody to blame but himself for that.

Clearly Branch was flourishing in a new environment.  Great!  That was just what John Dory wanted.  So what if his stomach churned at the thought of not being able to give his baby brother what he needed?  This wasn't about him.  As long as Branch was happy, who cared about John Dory's little pity party?

He fully intended to listen to Branch go on and on about how great Vendi was, and all the fun things they did in daycare, but Branch mentioned that Floyd would visit him for lunch every day, and John Dory's thoughts turned to his second youngest brother.

“How is Floyd doing, when you see him?” John Dory asked carefully.  What was he supposed to say to get information from a small child without worrying them?  “Has he told you a lot about Link and Shade?”

“Um…no.” Branch said.  “He doesn't really talk a lot.  He just asks what we did that day.” Branch frowned slightly. “I've asked if he's done fun things at school, and he just kinda…doesn't answer?” Branch looked confused now as he tried to figure out his memories.  John Dory felt bad for bringing him into this. “He always says something that reminds me of something else, so we talk about that.  When I remember that he didn’t tell me how he is, it's always time for him to go, so I can't ask again.  And then I forget to ask later.”

Branch was dragging his feet now, looking at the ground.  “I-is Floyd sad?” The way he said it made John Dory's blood go cold.  He knew what the kid meant.  He was asking if Floyd was going Gray.  Branch may not really understand what that was, but he knew enough.

John Dory took a deep breath.  “No.” He said.  He genuinely didn't think he was lying.  Gray ess wasn't a slow happening thing.  The dulling of colors was, but John didn't think that Floyd looked any less vibrant than usual.  And if Floyd had gone Gray and just got his colors back surely Everett and Payton would have noticed.  They would have told him.

“No, Floyd’s fine.” John Dory said.  “He's just a little tired.” He ignored the voice in his head that was reminding him that fatigue could be a symptom of whatever caused dull colors.  Floyd was fine.  They just needed to keep a closer eye on him, that was all.

John Dory forced a smile on his face and gave Branch's hand a reassuring squeeze.  He'd worry about Floyd later, when there wasn't the risk of needlessly worrying Branch.

“Hey, have you learned any new games from your friends?” John Dory asked.  “We can't really have a party without games.” Branch's face lit up, and any sign of his concern vanished as he started badly explaining the rules to a game.

John Dory didn't mention that he was familiar with this game, let alone that he wasn't a big fan of it.  He didn't tell Branch that he already had games planned, or that he'd purposely chosen games that would require team cooperation, and a lot of frustration and disagreements from all sides.  He definitely didn't tell Branch that the games had mostly been for Floyd's benefit, to remind him that they could still work together towards a common goal and have fun doing it, even if they fought along the way.

John Dory just halfheartedly listened to Branch, all while trying not to think about what to do about Floyd.  That could wait a little longer.

They soon got to the old troll's home.  John Dory knew that Grandma was being treated well here.  Many of her friends stayed here, and the workers at the old troll's home knew how to take care of her when she was having one of her bad days.  Still, John Dory didn't like being here.  He didn't know why, but it felt stifling and uncomfortable.  He was glad they didn't have to stay for long.  He just had to talk to one of the workers and sign her out for the day.

Branch wasn't the least bit uncomfortable.  He just sat in a chair and started talking to one of the trolls there.  They seemed to recognize him.  John Dory realized that Branch must have visited.

Now he was curious if the others had.

One quick conversation with one of the workers told him what he needed to know.  Vendi brought Branch here every weekend to visit Grandma.  Clay regularly visited during the weekend as well.  Sometimes both of their visits happened to coincide, and then their stays would last a little longer as they visited each other as well.

Floyd had never come.  John Dory wondered if Floyd knew that he'd been allowed.

Grandma soon came out.  She gave Branch a big hug, and squeezed John Dory's shoulder.  She called him by his mother's name, but he could tell that he knew who he was.  The names were just mixed up in her head.  She was having a relatively good day.  That was great.  John Dory had had a plan in place if she'd been having a bad day, but he preferred not having to use it.

Branch talked excitedly to Grandma while they walked home.  The two of them were very comfortable, and John Dory was doing his best to pretend that he was as well.

When they got back to the pod Grandma and Branch went to help Spruce with the cooking and baking.  John Dory went into their old room and found Clay sitting on one of the beds, reading.  His arm was around Floyd's shoulder.

“How's it going?” John Dory asked.  Clay shrugged.

“Floyd's clingy.” He said, his tone somewhere between fond and annoyed.  “I think all of us, including Everett and Payton, forgot to consider that our family is a lot more free with physical affection than theirs is.  Floyd is touch-starved.” And Clay, while fine with fist bumps and nudges, wasn't big on hugs and cuddles.  John Dory could tell he wasn't entirely comfortable with Floyd nuzzling against him.

“I can take him.” John Dory offered.  Clay stiffened.

“I can handle him.” Clay nearly growled.  John Dory barely kept himself from rolling his eyes.

“I know you can.” He said. “I also know you don't want to.  So, do you want me to take him?”

Clay looked conflicted. “I said I'd be here when he woke up.  I don't…he already thinks he can't count on me I don't want to give him any more reason to think I don't care.”

John Dory gave him a sad look.  “Okay.  Just tell me if you change your mind.” He reluctantly left the room, giving Clay the chance to call out to him if he felt the need to.  He didn't.

John Dory felt a bit bad.  When they'd left he and Spruce had expected Clay to keep an eye on the others, but they hadn't actually said as much.  It was just an unspoken thing.

Clay actually had looked out for the little kids.  He'd spent some time with Branch when they saw Grandma together.  He walked Floyd home from school more often than he didn't.  And when John Dory had talked to Payton and Everett earlier they had said that when Clay saw one of them in town he would ask how Floyd was doing, without fail.

That was about what John Dory had expected of him, and Clay had done it without being asked or feeling obligated to.  Everything should be good.  He hadn't expected Floyd to be having such a hard time adjusting.  He hadn't thought he would need more.  Could he really blame Clay for being oblivious about just that?

Spruce was mad at Clay.  John Dory was mad at himself.  He was the big brother.  He shouldn't have left unless he'd known for sure that the others would be okay.

They all had a better idea of what Floyd needed.  Clay could probably provide it, and so could Everett and Payton.  Floyd should be fine, but he shouldn't have gotten to the point where he wasn't.

John Dory went into the living room and, not knowing what else to do, just sat down and dozed off for a bit.  He didn't mean to sleep, but Floyd wasn't the only one who had had an early morning.  John Dory had been up since several hours before dawn.  Normally a long day didn't get to him that much, but all his camping and hiking had him feeling generally drained and even after two months he still wasn't used to it.

He was woken up when something warm was shoved into his hands.  Spruce gave him an easy smile as he sat next to him.

“Dinner's ready.” Spruce said.

“Thanks.” John Dory couldn't actually remember if he'd eaten today, so he appreciated the food.  “Hey, don't wake up Floyd.  He needs to…rest.” John Dory trailed off when he saw Floyd and Clay come in.  Floyd didn't actually look any better than before.

“Sorry, man,” Spruce said.  “Grandma wanted the whole family together for dinner.  I couldn't talk her out of it.”

John Dory sighed.  That was fine.  Floyd needed food anyway.  And he'd probably be heartbroken if he slept through their whole reunion.  John Dory would have been happy to stay another day to make up for it, and he knew that Spruce would too, but Clay probably had work, and John Dory didn't want to have another fight about Clay's priorities.

Dinner with their family was always noisy and involved.  They all ate and talked, and either laughed or argued.  If there was a quiet dinner, something was incredibly wrong.

Spruce and Clay did most of the talking today.  John Dory wasn’t up for chatting, and he knew that if he was involved in the conversation then they’d probably start fighting.  That was usually how it went.  He didn’t want to raise the tensions.  So he just sat back and ate, watching the others, as he frequently did during parties.

Floyd nibbled on his food but didn’t eat a lot.  He curled up against John Dory and seemed content to watch the others.  John Dory put his arm around his shoulder.  Maybe this was a good time to address the concerns that had been building up all day.

“So…”  John Dory double checked that the others weren’t really listening to them.  They were all involved in their own conversations.  “I’m not judging.  You know I’m not.  But do you know why you haven’t visited Grandma?”

Floyd fidgeted slightly.  “I…tried.”  He said quietly.  “I didn’t like being there.  It feels weird.  Lonely.”

John Dory shook his head.  “Trust me, I get it.  I think I feel the same way.  Do you think visiting her with others will make it better?”

“Maybe.”  Floyd made a weird face.  “I didn’t want to bother Clay.”

“Or Everett and Payton?” John Dory gave him a knowing look.  Floyd looked pained as he buried his face against John Dory’s shoulder.  “You know they don’t see you as a bother.  And neither do we.”

“But I’m…”  Floyd trailed off.

“You’re what?”  John Dory asked, but he didn’t think he needed to.  He understood.  He felt similarly.  “You’re…not worth it?”  Floyd stiffened and nuzzled closer to him.  John Dory put an arm over his shoulder, holding him closer.  “You’re worth it.  I promise you’re worth it.  But…but I know no matter how many times you hear it, and who says it, you’re not going to believe it, are you?”

“It’s not that I don’t think I don’t matter.”  Floyd muttered.  John Dory wasn’t sure if he believed him.  He wished he knew how to help Floyd with this kind of thing.  But if he knew how to get rid of these thoughts he would have done it for himself already.

“I just…” Floyd struggled to find his words.  John Dory waited.  “Other things matter more.”

John Dory grimaced.  Since when had Floyd been having thoughts that John Dory himself struggled with?  He had thought he was just broken inside, and he’d tried really hard to pretend he was fine.  He hadn’t even considered that his brothers had those same thoughts.

Maybe he should have seen it.  Floyd wasn’t trying to hide it.  John Dory just hadn’t let himself see it.

“Don’t you think…I don’t now.”  John Dory was terrified of saying the wrong thing.  “Maybe you should let everybody decide for themselves where you are on their priority list, you know?  Give people a chance.”

Floyd pulled away a little bit and looked at John Dory.  “Are you…are you guys staying?”

And John Dory felt like the biggest jerk in the world, because Floyd was old enough to know that actions sometimes spoke much louder than words.  Especially in their family.  He had just told Floyd that he needed to give them a chance to choose their priorities, and now Floyd was asking him what his priorities were.  Was he going to stay when he knew his brother needed him, or was he going to leave again?

The thing was, he didn’t even know.

“Do you want me to stay?”  John Dory asked.  What he wanted didn’t matter.  He assumed that Floyd wanted him here.  That he needed him.  He was more than happy to be here for him, but what if he wasn’t what his brother needed?  John Dory hadn’t been good enough for Clay.  Clay would probably hate him if he stuck around with the intention of sticking around to hold his hand, not trusting that he couldn’t be okay without him.

Clay would probably be furious if John Dory stuck around for Floyd’s sake, because he would assume he was just doing it because he didn’t trust Clay.

John Dory didn’t trust any of them with Floyd, because how were any of them supposed to know what to do?  He wasn’t letting them help.  He opened up enough for them to know that something was wrong, and the second they tried to address it he would smile and say he was fine, and he’d feel bad about any help given.

John Dory didn’t know if any help he could provide would be good enough for Floyd.  Payton and Everett would probably be better for that.  They had kids.  They knew what they were doing.  And anybody’s efforts would probably be better than his floundering.

But if Floyd wanted him to stay, did it really matter if John Dory wasn’t good enough?  If he left when Floyd specifically wanted him, needed him, he was an absolute failure of a brother.  He wasn’t a good enough brother for Floyd, or any of the others, but he was trying.  He had to keep trying.

If Floyd said the word, John Dory would stay, and he would do his best to ignore, or at least hide, the loud voice in his head that said that his little brother deserved so much better than him.

But Floyd didn’t ask him to stay.  He just looked at him for a long minute, looking for something in his gaze.  John Dory felt like he was being tested, but he didn’t know what for.  He waited tensely while Floyd judged him before his little brother gave him a small smile.

“I don’t want you to stay if you’re only going to do it because I want you to.”  Floyd said.  “I want you to want to stay, but you don’t.”  Floyd looked at Clay and Spruce as theyteased Branch, who was giggling right along with them.  “None of you do.  Y-you’re all happier gone.  And I just want you to be happy.”

“I can’t be happy if I know you’re not.”  John Dory said.  He didn’t know how to be happy here, but that was his problem, not Floyd’s.  John Dory could figure himself out.  That was what it meant to be the big brother.

“Neither can I.”  Floyd said.  “I don’t want to be a burden.  How am I not supposed to be a burden if I know you’re doing something you don’t want for my sake?”  And what was John Dory supposed to say to that?  He wasn’t the best person to talk to his brother about this.  He’d tried, and it had immediately backfired.  He didn’t want to mess it up again, so he didn’t try to say anything.  He just pulled Floyd close and kissed his forehead.

“I love you so much.”  John Dory said.  “I didn’t realize how much I would miss this.”  Being able to hold his brothers.  Having someone to talk to.  Knowing that there was someone he could go to when he was scared or upset.

Being on his own in the wilderness, it was fun and exciting, but also lonely.  John Dory could distract himself from the loneliness more often than not, but there would always be a part of him that would long for the little moments he had shared with his brothers.

“But…it’s not going to be forever, is it?’  Floyd asked.  “You’ll come back?”

“Of course I will.”  John Dory said.  “I’ll tell you what.  If I’m not back before Trollstice, I’ll be back by then.  We’ll spend the day just like we used to.”  John Dory had always done his best to make the horrifying ‘holiday’ at least a little bit fun for his brothers.  They would have treats that they only got for Trollstice, and he always got his brothers a new gift to both distract them and keep them quiet when there was the threat of bergens.

Clay would always get a new book.  These past few years it had been the only thing keeping him from running out of the pod in the middle of Trollstice to try to assist Viva or something.  Floyd got a new mix-tape every year, made by John Dory himself, full of acoustic songs he wrote just for this occasion.  Those songs weren’t for their fans.  They were just for Floyd.  Branch had been given a baby blanket last Trollstice, made with some of all of their hair weaved into it.  Maybe this year John Dory would get him a vest, since he liked Floyd’s so much.  Spruce was the hard one to find a gift for, but John Dory would figure something out.

Though maybe Spruce wouldn’t want to join them for Trollstice.  It would probably be for the best if he didn’t.  It was such a dangerous ‘holiday’, and if John Dory knew that one of his brothers was safe he’d be able to breathe a little easier.

He’d figure that stuff out later.  Right now he was here for Floyd.

His little brother didn’t call out the fact that Trollstice was eight months away.  He didn’t ask about Spruce, or bring up the fact that Clay would probably be too busy to join them, since he worked with the royal family now.  Floyd just looked relieved that this wasn’t going to be the last time he ever saw John Dory.

John Dory wanted to talk to Floyd more, but Branch ran over to them, beaming widely.

“Presents!”  Branch was practically bouncing on his heels.  “Can we do presents now?” and John Dory had to remind himself that this was supposed to be a party.  They were supposed to be having fun.

“Yeah, of course.”  John Dory smiled.  It was getting late, but it wasn’t too late to get things back on track.  “Presents and souvenirs.  Let’s go.”  He looked at Floyd.  “You up for it?”

“Yeah.”  Floyd wiped at his eyes.  He smiled.  “I’m fine.”  John Dory didn’t really believe him, but he couldn’t call Floyd out.  It would just start a fight, or at least distress Floyd, and that wasn’t what John Dory wanted.  Floyd missed them, and he probably always would, but if today was more unpleasant and traumatic than fun, what would that do to him?  On top of everything else that he was feeling, would Floyd have the conflicted feelings of missing his brothers and dreading seeing them?

By the muses, John Dory hoped not.  He’d do anything to not make Floyd feel like that.

The rest of the afternoon and evening seemed to pass quickly, and John Dory didn’t remember all of it.  He was only half there.  He managed a smile, and he gave the appropriate responses when his bros talked to him, but it was just a show.

He didn’t know how to not put on a show.  Their audience couldn’t see through it.  Usually his brothers could, but they were all distracted today.  If they noticed anything, none of them said a word.

Grandma’s party went off without a hitch, and John Dory felt just a little lost the whole time.  He wanted to enjoy being with his brothers, but he kept second-guessing himself, and still messing up anyway.  He needed to put on a show or risk ruining everything.  It was exhausting, and in one night he was reminded why he loved his brothers, and why he couldn’t be with them.  He just…he couldn’t do it.  He wasn’t good enough to give them what they needed, and he wasn’t strong or smart enough to know how to give himself what he needed.

Mybe it was a good thing that Floyd hadn’t asked him to stay.  John Dory’s mask felt weak, and it felt like it was going to fall apart in an instant.  If John lost himself when he was with Floyd he’d take it out on him, and he couldn’t do that to his little brother.  

Being on his own was probably what he needed.  If he was alone he could let himself go.  He couldn’t hurt anybody, and he couldn’t be hurt.

Someday he’d know how to be good enough for his brothers.  Until then he was better off being alone, and his brothers would be better off without him.

Chapter Text

Branch loved his brothers, but he wasn’t nearly as sad to see them go as he thought he would be.  Miss Vendi was back home waiting for him with a fort to play and sleep in that night, and things went back to normal.  It felt a little bittersweet, because he would miss his brothers, but Branch had known that his brothers were happy, and he was happy even though they were gone, so it was actually going better than he thought it would.

Weeks passed, and Branch felt good.  Daycare was great.  Vendi was amazing.  He and Clay visited Grandma at the same time on purpose instead of on accident, and he could see himself getting comfortable with this for the long-term, not just the temporary long-term.

The one thing that consistently made Branch feel uneasy was Floyd.  His brother was still the same as always, and after Grandma’s birthday Branch was starting to think that he wasn’t okay.  Floyd still didn’t talk about his own life, whether it be school or his time with Everett and Payton.  His eyes always had a lingering sadness in them, even though he always smiled at Branch, making him look the way he did after their older brothers fought and Floyd was trying to tell him that everything was fine, even though Branch knew he didn’t believe it himself.

Branch didn’t know what he could say to his brother to make him stop looking so sad.  He tried talking to Clay about it, but all his brother had said was that he and Floyd were working on it, and Branch was too young to worry about it.

He really did try to not worry about his big brother, because he knew that Floyd would be upset if he thought he was upsetting him.  Branch focused on daycare, just like Clay told him he should.  Things were going really well with his friends.  Branch had found himself a part of a ‘friend group’.  He had been invited on a few playdates after daycare, and that had been exciting, but Branch had news even better than that.  He was bouncing on his heels, watching the door eagerly as he waited for Floyd to come by for lunch, just like he did every day.  He wanted to tell his brother the great news!

Floyd came in a few minutes late, but that was okay.  He looked even more sad than usual, and he always walked slower when he was sad.  Branch hated seeing him upset, but it barely dimmed his own excitement. 

“Floyd!”  Branch ran into his older brother’s arms, giving him a tight squeeze.  “You’ll never guess what happened!”

“Hey, Baby Branch.”  Floyd gave him a strained smile.  He was still upset, but he was trying to be excited.  He always was.  Branch wished he could share his happiness with his brother.  “What’s up?”

“I was invited to Creek’s sleepover party!”  Branch said.  “And Creek doesn’t always like big crowds, so he only invited a few people.  I’m a few people!”

“Whoa, really?”  Floyd smiled at him, and though his eyes were still sad they were also excited now.  “That’s a big deal.  Way to go, Branch.”

“We’re going to sleep under the stars and listen to the natural music of the night.”  Branch didn’t really understand what that part meant, but Creek enjoyed sitting in quiet and just listening.  He said he was ‘absorbing the world around him’.  It meant a lot to him, and Branch was proud that he was close enough to Creek that he would share it with him.

“Creek said I’m not one of his bestest friends, but he didn’t know if they’d like his party.  He thinks I would though.”  Branch wasn’t offended that he wasn’t Creek’s best friend.  He knew that he was still a little awkward with the other kids.  But he knew from spending time with his brothers that sometimes you wanted to share something with one person, and something else with another.  Branch was just happy that he was somewhere on that list.  

“That’s amazing, baby bro.”  Floyd gave him a big hug.  “When’s the party?”

“This weekend.”  Branch said.  Floyd’s big smile fell slightly and Branch’s ears drooped.  “What?”

“Nothing.”  Floyd said far too quickly, and Branch just knew that it definitely wasn’t nothing.  He had to think for a second about what Floyd might be upset about.  It didn’t take him long to remember.

“Oh, yeah.”  Branch said quietly.  “We were all going to hang out at Payton and Everett’s place, weren’t we?”  Floyd had shyly asked both Clay and Branch if they would be available.  They’d had this plan in place for about two weeks.  Branch had been looking forward to spending time with not just his brothers, but also the family that Floyd was living with.  He couldn’t believe that it had completely slipped his mind.

“It’s fine.”  Floyd said, but Branch knew that it wasn’t.  Floyd didn’t just look upset anymore, he looked hurt.

“I don’t have to go to the sleepover.”  Branch said, and he meant it.  Creek probably wouldn’t mind having one less troll there, and Branch could probably hang out with them the next morning and enjoy at least part of the party.  It would all work out, even if he was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t get to go to his first slumber party.

“What?  No!”  Floyd put his hands on his shoulders and gave him a nearly desperate look.  “This is a big deal.  We can hang out another time.  I couldn’t ask you to cancel your first sleepover because of me.”

Branch’s stomach twisted a bit.  He felt conflicted.  “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”  Floyd said.  “You’re going to have so much fun.  I’m really happy for you.”

“And you promise we’ll play another time?”  Branch asked.

“I promise.”  Floyd said.  “You’ll have to tell me all about it.  I’ve never gone to a sleepover before.”

“I’ll tell you everything.”  Branch said seriously.  Floyd said that sleepovers were a big deal.  Branch wished that Floyd could go to one too, but he didn’t know how to make that happen.  He would just have to tell Floyd so much about it that it would be as though he’d gone himself.  Then maybe he’d finally be happy for real.

Clay’s work kept him very busy.  It was tiring, but he was working things out.  Even when he had to schedule in time to hang out with Floyd, it was all very manageable, but it was getting harder.  Things were about to pick up.  Things were happening in the Troll Tree, and they needed to be ready for it.

Poppy’s younger siblings was expected to hatch shortly before Trollstice, and the royals were stressed about it.  As if the timing wasn’t bad enough, the Bergen’s prince was starting to reach the age where he would eat his first troll, and it was a big deal for their people.  Normally on Trollstice they tried to eat any troll they could get their hands on, but Clay suspected that for a prince’s first troll they would want it to be a special troll.  A royal would be perfect for that, and newborns couldn’t run away or hide as easily as other trolls could.

Viva wouldn’t listen to his concerns.  She didn’t want to think about it.  But King Peppy had the same concerns, and he wanted to be ready to protect his child, so they were making preparations.

One thing Clay had been shocked to learn when he started working with Viva was that the royal family had been coming up with plans to evacuate the tree and run away from Bergen Town forever.  It had been slow planning up to this point, but now it was all going to start going so much faster.  They wanted to get out before Trollstice, which meant they only had a few months to plan and carry everything out.

Fortunately, Clay was really good at making plans.

It took numerous conversations over the span of several weeks, but Clay and Peppy had convinced Viva that for the good of her little sibling, and all of their people, they couldn’t just avoid thinking about the bergens just because it was scary.  The time for that was over.  Viva still didn’t like it, but Clay thought they had finally gotten through to her.  Plans were being made, and they were moving forward.

Viva had been the one to suggest that they stagger the evacuation.  That way they could get some trolls out earlier, and maybe that group of trolls could do work on the place they’d be running off to so they’d be prepared to receive those who came after them.

And, as Viva pointed out, they could get the vulnerable trolls out first so they all knew they were safe, and it would be one less thing that the trolls would have to worry about as Trollstice grew nearer.  They hadn’t yet worked out how many evacuation groups they would have, let alone who would be in what group, but it was something.  They still had time to hash out all the details.  Not a lot of time, but some.

They weren’t ready to tell the public the plan yet, but Viva and Clay had been going around to the school teachers and giving them a broad idea of what to expect, so that when the time came they would be emotionally prepared to talk to their students about the evacuations.

Viva thought it would be fun if she visited with the kids and maybe played a few games since they would already be at the school.  Clay knew that she needed the levity, and he thought she deserved it.  And he planned on talking to the teachers while Viva distracted the students.  He forgot to consider that one of the students wouldn’t give Viva a second glance, no matter what she was doing.  Not while he was there.

“Clay!”  Floyd jumped to his feet the second he saw him, almost tripping over the other students in his rush to run up to him and give him a tight hug.  Clay returned the hug, albeit a bit awkwardly.  He didn’t understand why Floyd was acting like he hadn’t seen him in forever.  They had gone to the local bakery together just a few days ago.

“Hey, Bro,”  Clay said.  He heard a few kids snickering to themselves, and from the way that Floyd’s ears twitched he knew his brother heard it too.  Clay couldn’t care less about being embarrassed.  He just tightened his grip on Floyd and held him for a moment longer than he normally would have before pulling back.  “You act like I never see you.”

“Sorry.  I was just excited.”  Floyd said.  “What are you doing here?”

“Mr. Clay’s going to talk to your teacher about some boring stuff.”  Viva said.  “Meanwhile, I thought we could do something fun.”

The kids looked excited.  They all knew Viva as a fun princess, and most of them would rather play games with her than do their usual lessons.  Floyd only seemed interested in Clay.

“What are you going to talk about?”  Floyd asked.  

“Big kid stuff.”  Clay said.  He felt dumb saying it, but that was always what he would say to get Floyd and Branch to avoid asking questions.  Clay didn’t know when that stopped working, but his brother was giving him an unimpressed look.  Clay sighed.  “Look, it’s important stuff, and I’ll talk to you about it later, but right now I need to talk to your teacher.”

Floyd sighed.  “Fine.”

“There you go.”  Clay ruffled his hair.  “We’ll hang out later, bro.”

Floyd brightened.  “Like when you come over this weekend!”  He looked so excited.  Clay felt like his brain froze.  He had been trying so hard to not disappoint Floyd, which was why they’d made plans for this weekend in the first place.  Clay had actually been looking forward to it, because he wanted to get to know Payton and Everett at least a little bit.  It felt weird that he was trusting his brother’s well-being to two trolls who were little more than strangers.

But Clay’s work had overtaken his every thought.  He’d forgotten all about his plans with his brothers, and he regretted that now.  He quickly tried to think of what to say, but Viva was quicker.

“Oh, we have a big meeting set up for this weekend.”  Viva said.  She didn’t notice the way that both Clay and Floyd stiffened and stared at each other with wide eyes.  Clay imagined that he looked like there was a bergen attack about to happen.  Floyd just looked betrayed.  He looked at Clay desperately before he turned his gaze to Viva, and Clay flinched.

“All weekend?”  Floyd asked.  Of course he was asking Viva.  Floyd probably didn’t mean it this way, but Clay felt like his brother was indicating that he didn’t trust him to give him a straight answer.

“Afraid so.”  Viva said.  She misinterpreted Floyd’s distraught look.  “I know, snoozefest, but it’s really important.  It’s about the future of all troll-kind.”  Clay would normally scold Viva for talking about secret meetings to a bunch of children, but he couldn’t help but appreciate it.  The kids were so curious about this secret meeting that they seemed to have forgotten about the family drama that had been unfolding right in front of them.

“Okay, Viva, you got this.”  Clay said.  He looked at Floyd’s teacher, who just looked uncomfortable.  He felt like he should know her name, but his mind was spinning far too much right now and he couldn’t focus on remembering it.  “I need to speak with you in a few minutes, but first I need to talk to my brother.  Can we-?”  He looked towards the door.  They needed some privacy.

Oh, no, of course.”  Floyd’s teacher sounded almost relieved.  Clay nodded his appreciation.  He took Floyd’s hand and pulled him out the door.  Floyd didn’t resist as Clay all but dragged him somewhere a bit more private.  As soon as Clay stopped though Floyd yanked his hand away and wrapped his arms around himself.  He wasn’t looking at Clay.

“Floyd.”  Clay’s voice cracked.  He had been trying really hard.  One mistake shouldn’t set them back so much.  It wasn’t fair to either of them.  “Can you look at me?  Please?”

Floyd pointedly looked away from him.  Clay cursed the fact that he was the one who was here.  Floyd only acted like this with him.  He never blatantly defied or disrespected Spruce or John Dory.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Floyd asked.  Clay hated the forced evenness of his voice.  He was trying to sound emotionless, and it just wasn’t Floyd.  

“I forgot.”  Clay said.

Floyd snorted.  “I feel like you forget a lot when it comes to me.”  He finally looked at Clay with tear-filled eyes, and he got the feeling that he wasn’t supposed to have heard that.  “Do you have to go to the meeting?  Or can’t you leave early and do both or something?

“Afraid not, kiddo.”  Clay said.  “I’m so sorry.”  The purpose of this meeting was to come up with the specific details about the evacuation.  Clay, Viva, and Peppy would be meeting with a number of different trolls around the tree.  Trolls who could help with the evacuation tunnels , and even trolls who could get away from the tree early to look for safe places for them to go when they left.  It had been hard to find a time when everybody they needed to talk to was available.  If they put this meeting off for much longer then they might not be able to finish everything that needed to get done before Trollstice.  They were running out of time.

If Clay thought that Viva would focus and Peppy would take charge if he wasn’t there, then he would probably be able to leave the meetings for a few hours to spend time with his brothers.  But he knew that things would fall apart if he wasn’t there.  For the sake of every troll in the tree, Clay needed to give up his weekend.  Which meant that Floyd did too.

“I’ll make it up to you.”  Clay put his hand on Floyd’s shoulder.  “I promise.  We’ll do something special.  We can do it with Branch, or with Payton and Everett, or just the two of us.  Whatever you want.”

Floyd’s mouth seemed to wobble a bit and he looked like he was about to start crying, screaming, or yelling.  Clay almost wished he would.  He didn’t like it when Floyd tried to hide how he was feeling.  Why was he doing that anyway?  He was the sensitive one.  He was known for wearing his heart on his sleeve.  Where would he have gotten the idea in his head that he needed to hide?

Was it something that Payton and Everett did?  Was it something Clay or one of their bros had done?

He desperately wanted answers, but Floyd was upset and clearly didn’t want to talk.  Clay knew from experience that when people pushed subjects that he wanted to avoid, it could make everything so much worse than they needed to be.  Clay sighed and reluctantly took a step back.

“I need to get back to work.”  He muttered.  He waited for Floyd to ask him to stay, but he said nothing.  “Take a few minutes to calm down.  I’ll see you later.”  He turned and started to walk away.

“...pcakes.”  Floyd said quietly.  Almost inaudibly.  Clay froze and looked towards his brother.  Floyd was avoiding his gaze again.

“What?”  Clay wasn’t sure of what he had heard.  He had a pretty good idea that Floyd had said ‘cupcakes’ though.  His special word to indicate that he needed him.  Was this weekend really that important to him?

Floyd didn’t repeat himself, and Clay was starting to feel desperate.  “Please, Floyd, what did you say?”  If he had, in fact, said cupcakes, then Clay would find a way to spend the weekend with him.  He didn’t know how, but he’d do it.

Floyd looked conflicted for a long moment before he took a deep breath.  “Cake.”  He gave Clay a strained smile.  “I said that Payton was going to make cake this weekend.”

Clay’s throat tightened painfully.  “Cake,”  He didn’t think that had been it.  He was fairly sure that Floyd had been begging for his attention, but now he was backtracking.  Clay just didn’t know whether Floyd was doing so because he was afraid that he would be denied, or because he knew that Clay’s work was important and he didn’t want to get in the way of that, even if he was still upset about it.

Clay was tempted to forget about the meeting and join Floyd anyway, because it was clear his brother needed him, but just because he needed him didn’t mean he wanted him.  There was a very fine balance needed between needs and wants.  If Clay took it upon himself to decide what Floyd needed, and he ended up doing exactly what his brother didn’t want him to do, then he could end up pushing his brother away.  That would make it all worse.

He wanted to help Floyd, but he needed his brother to ask for it.

“Okay,” Clay said reluctantly.  “But if you…if Payton was making cupcakes , you’d tell me, yeah?”

Floyd rubbed his arm, and his smile looked shaky, but he nodded.  “Yeah, I’ll tell you.”

“You’d better.”  Clay said.  It felt awkward to leave now, but he felt like he might just make things worse if he lingered.  “I love you, bro.”

“Love you,”  Floyd muttered.  Clay felt like that was as good he was going to get with his brother right now.  He sighed and made his way back to the others.  It was time to get back to work.

Floyd curled up on his bed.  He hadn’t moved much these past few days.  He didn’t feel like eating.  He couldn’t focus in school.  All he wanted to do was sleep and make everything go away.  Fortunately sleep wasn’t evading him the way it had been.

He knew the others were worried.  He’d frequently wake up from his nap to Payton sitting next to him, stroking his hair.  They tried to ask what was wrong, but Floyd couldn’t figure out how to talk about it.  He’d heard Everett talking about taking him to the doctor, wondering if he was sick.  Shade had been quick to tell him that wasn’t the problem.

Link shared a class with Floyd.  He’d been there that day at school.  He’d seen how upset Floyd got when he learned that Clay was busy, and he’d seen how completely out of it Floyd had been when he eventually forced himself to return to the classroom.  He must have told Shade everything, because he always did, but they hadn’t given their parents the specifics.

He knew he was being a big baby.  Branch and Clay had plans, and it was important to them.  That was fine.  Floyd knew he couldn’t be the center of their universe.  Sure, this weekend was important to him, but it wasn’t that big of a deal.  Certainly not as important as a meeting with the royals and a first ever sleepover.  Floyd just wanted to be with his brothers.  He was being overly sensitive and refusing to let them go.  He knew that was a him problem, and he didn’t want to drag them into it.

But just because he understood didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

“Floyd?”  Payton came in to see him.  He’d been hiding away all day, moping because his brothers weren’t there and they were supposed to be.  For the most part the others left him alone, knowing he needed space, but they periodically checked up on him.  “We were going to start a new game.  Everett just made some snacks.  Did you want to come join us?”

“No.” Floyd said.  He curled in tighter on himself.  “I don’t really feel like playing.”  He knew what Payton was going to ask next.  “And I don’t want you to reschedule or wait.”

“You know we wouldn’t mind doing this another day.”  Payton said.

“I know.”  Floyd said.  “But this is your family game night.  I don’t want you to ruin it for me.”

“You wouldn’t ruin it.”  Payton said, but they both knew that Floyd didn’t believe it.  Payton sighed.  “Okay.  But if you change your mind, or just want some company, you can always come out.”

“I know.”  Floyd said.  He didn’t plan on taking them up on the offer, but he appreciated it.  A small part of him wanted to run to be a part of this new family, but he felt like if he did then he would have to admit that his own family wasn’t good enough.

He hadn’t wanted to choose.  That was why he had asked his brothers to come over.  He had asked Payton and Everett if it would be okay if his brothers joined their family game night, and they had been all for it.  But that wasn’t how things worked out, and he didn’t know how to move on.  He felt so lost.

He’d get over it.  He always did.  But not tonight.

Chapter Text

Floyd wasn’t really a planner.  It was a little hard to be when he had three brothers who all wanted things to be a specific way, and it was different for all of them.  Throwing another idea into the mix would just mess things up, so it was just easier to let his brothers plan and have preferences.  He could be fine with whatever.

Being away from his brothers made him realize that he did have a lot of wants, though it had taken him a long time to realize it.  His stomach would twist in disappointment and he felt slightly ill.  He would feel frustrated and upset.  He tried to tell himself that he was fine, and he just felt even more upset because he was definitely not fine and he didn’t know how to be.

He’d been upset for a long time about the cancelled game night.  He was still a bit upset, but  he didn’t blame his brothers.  They had their own dreams, and he had his.  He couldn’t expect them to make sacrifices for his sake just because he didn’t know how to find his own happiness.

He had spent a lot of time in his own thoughts just thinking.  What did he want?  That was easy.  He wanted his brothers.  Their love.  Their attention.  He wanted their happiness, but he also wanted to experience it with them.

It didn’t take him too long to figure out that he couldn’t get it with Clay and Branch.  Branch was just so young.  He was thriving with his new friends.  He was getting the chance to be a normal kid, which none of the bros had had.  Floyd didn’t want to take that from him, and asking a little kid to be his emotional support would definitely do that.

As for Clay, he was trying so hard to move on and do his own thing.  He had a really important job, and everybody in the tree saw him as a leader, even though he was young, and he was thriving in that position.  Clay was already sacrificing so much time and care for Floyd’s sake.  He didn’t seem to mind, but Floyd needed more, and he knew that if he asked for more than that could change.  Clay might start to resent him, and Floyd’s heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

But he had more brothers than just Branch and Clay.  When Floyd remembered that he got an idea.  That thought became a wish, and now he was in the process of trying to figure out how to turn those wishes into a plan so he could actually get what he wanted.

A part of him still felt selfish for his desire.  His brothers had always given up so much for him, and was it really fair to ask for more?  But he couldn’t do this anymore.  He felt so scared and overwhelmed all the time, and oh so tired.  Spruce used to tell him it wasn’t his fault that he was so sensitive, and that he needed to listen to his feelings or else he was going to burn himself out.

So Floyd started coming up with a vague plan.  One that made him feel hopeful for the future.

John Dory had asked him if he wanted him to stay, and Floyd knew he had meant it.  If He had asked, John Dory would have stayed for him.  He would have been sad, but he would have done it anyway.  And John had said that he wouldn’t be able to be happy if he knew that Floyd wasn’t, so maybe John would be upset if he saw that Floyd was sad.

It still wouldn’t be fair to ask him to stay, but Floyd figured that he didn’t have to stay either.  He was at the Troll Tree because he still needed someone to watch out for him.  Floyd wondered if that somebody could just be John again.  What if Floyd went with him to the Neverglade Trail?  Then Floyd would have a brother’s attention, just like he so desperately wanted, and John Dory didn’t have to return to all of the social pressures that he put on himself when he was in the tree.  It was perfect, and Floyd intended to bring it up to his brother when he saw him on Trollstice.

He knew it wasn’t a flawless plan.  He wasn’t as good at those kinds of things as his brothers were.  He was trying really hard though.  John Dory was great at taking care of him, even if Clay and Spruce would have a lot to say about that claim.  But Floyd didn’t want to be a burden.  He just needed John Dory to be there, and maybe he’d be more willing to do that if Floyd could show him that he didn’t need to be babysat.  That Floyd could mostly take care of himself.

The problem was that Floyd didn’t know a lot about camping.  He’d joined John Dory once or twice, but his older brother had done basically everything.  He hadn’t seemed to mind too much back then, but Floyd had only been a little older than Branch at that time.  And John Dory wasn’t camping and hiking for fun anymore, he was doing it for his survival.  This was his life.  Floyd needed to be at least a little bit competent at it, if he wanted to be a part of it, which meant there was a lot he needed to learn and practice before Trollstice.

Floyd took over the bedroom he shared with Shade and Link.  Whenever they were out playing in the Troll Tree he would grab all of the sheets off of their beds and work on making forts.  He wasn’t great at it, but he was getting better.  After a few weeks his forts didn’t fall or droop, and he was able to make them in just a few minutes.  He knew that it wasn’t quite the same as a tent, but he thought the practice would transfer over.

He went back to his family’s pod and found his brother’s old books.  Most of the books were Clay’s, but John Dory had a number of survival books.  Floyd borrowed those and tried to learn all he could.  He even made notes about the really important things, like plants and stuff that were safe to eat, and how to make potentially contaminated water drinkable. 

Floyd was so busy with his preparations that he started to fall behind in school a little bit.  Schoolwork was never very hard.  They learned singing, dancing, and crafts, with just a little bit of troll history and survival basics, and a little bit of time for reading or writing every day.

He knew that Clay was trying to get the schools to add more academics.  He’d probably be really disappointed if he knew that Floyd was slacking.

As much as Floyd was trying to be more independent he didn’t actually know if John Dory would actually want him to go camping.  Floyd had gone camping with him once, and he remembered John Dory taking Spruce and Clay camping all the time when he was little.  They hadn’t done it as often these past few years, and Floyd didn’t know if it was because Spruce and Clay didn’t get along with John Dory, or because John didn’t want companionship.  If camping was his alone time and he had only tolerated doing it with his brothers then Floyd couldn’t really join him, because then he’d just be making him sad anyway.

Clay wasn’t too much older than Floyd, but he had always understood so much more about John Dory than Floyd did.  Clay was somehow both one of the older kids and one of the younger kids.  He would know better than Floyd did, and maybe he’d be able to provide some insight.

Floyd knew he wanted to talk to Clay, but he was also a little nervous too and he didn’t know why.  He just knew that whenever Clay would come to get him from school on Fridays Floyd always thought about saying it, and came up with any reason to not.

One day Floyd woke up feeling brave and eager.  It wasn’t Friday, but he wanted to talk to Clay today.  This morning, before he talked himself out of it.  He knew that he could always go find his brother after school and try to hang out then, but he knew that today they would be learning about Trollstice.

They had Trollstice lessons every year as their teachers just talked about the history of the supposed holiday, and they practiced safety procedures.  The funnest part was when they played games of hide-and-seek, where the kids would use their hair to try to blend in with their surroundings while the teachers looked for them.  Floyd never really liked the Trollstice lessons at school.  They were just a grim reminder of the horror that was coming.

He thought it was a little weird that they were having Trollstice lessons so early this year.  They still had several months before Trollstice.  He wondered if this was Clay’s influence.  Maybe this was what he’d talked to the teachers about a few weeks ago.

Everybody always made a big deal about these lessons, but they were the same every single year.  Floyd couldn’t imagine why this time would be any different.  He didn’t really want to sit through the Trollstice lessons.  It would just suck away any of the excitement and bravery that he woke up feeling.  So Floyd got ready for the day, just like usual.  He took a little longer to eat breakfast so that Shade and Link, who always wanted to be early for school, left without him.  When he left the pod a few minutes later he made his way to the royal pod instead of the school.

It was exciting, skipping school.  Floyd had done it a few times before, though it had always been John Dory’s idea.  If they needed an extra all day rehearsal, or if there had been a big fight that morning and Floyd was in tears and inconsolable, John Dory wouldn’t hesitate to make the decision for him that he couldn’t go to school.  This was the first time he’d decided it for himself, and the slight twisting of guilt in his stomach was overpowered by the thrill of doing something wrong, but ultimately harmless.  It wasn’t like he’d be making a habit of this.  He just needed today.

Floyd saw Clay and Viva sitting on a branch outside the pod.  They looked like they were meditating.  It was weird to see either of them so calm.  Floyd knew he should probably leave them alone, but he was too excited to see his big brother.

“Clay!”  Floyd practically squealed.  He launched himself at his brother.  Clay looked startled, but he caught him.

“Hey, Sprout.”  Clay said.  “Were you taking the long way to school?”

“I’m, uh, skipping.”  Floyd couldn’t help but giggle, even though he knew Clay would be disappointed in him.  Sure enough his older brother raised an eyebrow at him.  “I wanted to hang out today.  We haven’t done something in forever.”

Clay frowned.  “School’s important.”

“We’re just relearning things today.”  Floyd whined.  “I already know all of it.”

Clay’s eyes twitched slightly, and Floyd was worried that he was actually really mad.  But then Clay huffed and rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, I remember that.”  Floyd had hoped he would.  Clay had always used to complain about their Trollstice lessons.  “But bro, you can’t make a habit of this.”

“I won’t.”  Floyd promised.  “I just want today.

Clay still didn’t look convinced.  “I don’t know.”

Floyd frowned slightly.  “Um…Cupcakes.”  He felt bad for saying it, because he didn’t know if this was the situation that his brother had in mind when he’d suggested this word.  But Floyd really did need to talk to him.  It wasn’t, like, an emergency, but kinda?  He didn’t really know how these things worked.  Was that okay?

Clay blinked.  “Uh…yeah, I hear you.”  He didn’t seem disappointed or upset.  He just turned to Viva, who had just been watching the two of them.  “Hey, is it okay if I take a day to spend some time with Floyd?”

“Oh, go right ahead.”  Viva said.  “You do so much.  You deserve a day off.”  Clay still looked a little uncertain, but he gave Floyd a small smile, and he felt good.  He hugged Clay, and his brother laughed and ruffled his hair.

“Well then, I guess it’s just me and you today.”  Clay said.  Floyd couldn’t really remember when he’d had good one-on-one time with any of his brothers.  “So, what are we doing?  Have you had breakfast yet?”

Floyd had, but he didn’t know if Clay had, and his brother needed food.  “Can we, uh, go to that place that John Dory used to take us before our early rehearsals?”  They had sandwiches, milkshakes, and a bunch of other stuff.  Floyd could get a sweet snack, a bit of a mid-morning dessert, and Clay could have breakfast.

Clay laughed.  “I haven’t been there since the last time John Dory dragged us there.”  He shook his head.  “He always tried to bribe us into behaving.”  There was an irritation and darkness in his voice.  Floyd shifted uncomfortably.  Why had Clay always had such a hard time with John Dory?  Floyd had always seen his brother treating them at the diner as a gesture that he cared.  That he saw them as more than just performers.  He didn’t understand how Clay could see that same thing and turn it completely around and make it a bad thing.

The diner was busy when they got there, but Clay didn’t let that dissuade him.  He took Floyd’s hand and they got in line.  Floyd always got the same thing, and so did Clay, but Floyd still found himself looking at all the options.  He wasn’t really feeling a berry shake with extra sprinkles.  He didn’t know what he wanted though.  He hated this familiar uncertainty.

Clay knelt next to him.  “What’re you thinking?”  Floyd pouted.  Had it really been that obvious that he was conflicted?  How did people hide their emotions so easily?

“Hey, it’s not a big deal.”  Clay said.  Floyd just whimpered and rubbed his arm.  Again.  Why was he an open book?  How did he make it stop?

Clay ruffled his hair.  “You want some help picking something?”  He didn’t bring up the fact that Floyd was overreacting.  John Dory and Spruce would always try to comfort Floyd and calm him, and only when he was no longer crying would they address what he was upset about.  Clay did the opposite.  He would solve whatever problem was bothering Floyd, and he left him to calm down in his own time.

Floyd nodded and rubbed his arms. Clay looked at the options.  “Okay, do you want something really sweet, or a little less sweet?”

“A little less sweet.”  Floyd said.  He still wanted sugary goodness, but not the berry kind of sweetness.  He didn’t know how to say that though.

Clay hummed.  “You wanna try what I usually get?”  Floyd couldn’t remember what kind of shake or drink Clay usually had, but he nodded anyway.  He didn’t think his brother had bad tastes, or would get him something he wouldn’t like.

When it was their turn to order Clay took care of it and Floyd’s mind wandered.  He liked spending time with his brother, but he was doing this for a reason.  He didn’t know how to bring it up though.  It shouldn’t be this hard for him to just talk to his brother.

They decided to eat away from the crowded diner.  When they had their things Clay handed Floyd one of the drinks and they went on their way.  Floyd absentmindedly took a drink, briefly forgetting that it wasn’t his usual berry shake.  This drink had chocolate, but it was also bitter, a bit tart, and just a touch salty, though also still sweet.  Floyd couldn’t help but make a face.  Clay laughed at him.

“I got a smoothie if you want to switch.”  Clay lifted his own drink.

“No, no I like it.”  Floyd said.  He really did.  He just wasn’t used to it.  “What is it?

“It’s kinda like a shake.”  Clay said.  “There’s chocolate, salted caramel, and raspberry.”  Floyd nodded, recognizing those flavors.  But it didn’t explain the bitter taste.  Clay smirked.  “And there’s just a touch of coffee.  But don’t tell John Dory that.  This can be just between the two of us.”

Floyd grinned, immediately liking the drink better.  He didn’t like the smell of coffee, but this tasted fine enough.  And everybody talked about it like it was a ‘grown-up’ thing.  If Clay was letting him have some, that meant that he saw Floyd as a bit of a grown-up.  It made him stand just a bit taller.

“I don’t know why John Dory had such an issue with this.”  Clay rolled his eyes.  “Grandma’s been letting me have her coffee for as long as I can remember, but when it came to you and Branch John just decided that you were ‘too young.”

Floyd gave Clay a playful look.  “Maybe it’s ‘cause he saw what coffee did to you, and he thought ‘yeah, I’m not dealing with that again’.”

Floyd didn’t joke like this with anybody else.  Just with Clay, and he felt a bubble of warmth grow in his chest when his brother laughed.  Clay nudged him, almost pushing him over and making him spill his drink. 

“You’re such a brat, you know that?”  Clay said, though his tone was nothing but fond.  “Nobody else believes me when I try to tell them.”

Floyd shrugged and grinned.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this relaxed.  Clay was so easy to talk to when he wasn’t trying to be ‘in charge’ of him.  He didn’t need Clay to be his big brother, he just needed him to be his brother. 

They climbed and swung up the tree.  They eventually settled on a high branch towards the edge of the tree, but far too high for a wandering bergan to snatch them.  Clay ate his breakfast, and Floyd sipped his drink, though he ended up switching with Clay halfway through.  He wanted to try his smoothie, and it really was pretty good.

They talked about nothing in particular, and Floyd loved every minute of it.  Ever since their family had split up it seemed like any conversation they had revolved around that.  They talked about how they were doing, and what they’d been up to, and how great everything was now that they never saw each other.  Floyd liked this much better.  Talking about absolutely nothing, just for the sake of it.  Being silly.  This was what he had missed.

Clay leaned back and looked up at the sky.  “So, did you just need a day off, or did you want to talk about something?”

“A bit of both.”  Floyd admitted.  He adjusted his legs so he was sitting cross-legged.  He grabbed his ankles and rocked a bit.  “I wanted to ask if you know if John actually liked camping with us, or if he likes doing it alone.”

“Oh, he loves company when camping.”  Clay said.  Floyd felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.  “He knows more about camping and hiking than anyone else I know, and he loves the chance to throw that knowledge in other’s faces as he bosses them around.”

Floyd pouted.  He nudged Clay, very nearly pushing him.  “I’m serious.”  He wanted to talk to Clay for a reason, and that reason had nothing to do with his resentment towards their older brother.

“Okay, okay.”  Clay said.  “Sorry.”  He didn’t sound sincerely apologetic, but Floyd would take what he could get.  “John’s passionate about camping.  He likes doing it alone, but he loves being able to share that passion with someone else.  I mean, you know how he is.”

“Yeah.”  Floyd nodded.  John Dory really did like to share his enthusiasm with the world.  That was why they had started Brozone.  John Dory loved singing, and he pulled the brothers into it because he wanted to share that love with them, and then he wanted to share it with the rest of the Troll Tree.

“Do you think that John Dory would like camping with me?”  Floyd asked.  Clay frowned slightly.  He didn’t seem unhappy though.  Just thoughtful.

“Uh, yeah, ‘course John would like to camp with you.”  Clay said.  “But do you want to go camping because you want to go camping?  Or do you just want to be with John?”

Floyd felt his cheeks heat up.  Why had Clay said that like it was a bad thing?

“I just…I miss the bros.”  Floyd said quietly.  “I know you guys are doing great on your own, and I-I’m happy for you, but I don’t know how to do that.  I don’t know how to be happy without you guys.  I-I’m trying, but I can’t do it.”  Floyd’s ears drooped.  “You’re so busy, and I can’t ask you to do more than you already are, but-”

“But it’s not enough.”  Clay muttered.  Floyd’s stomach dropped.  He wrapped his arms around his legs and hugged them tightly.

“Sorry.”  Floyd said.  Clay gave him an alarmed look.  

“Don’t be sorry.”  Clay said.  “I just don’t know why you’re having such a hard time with this.  And I don’t know how to help you.”  He sighed.  “Yeah, maybe being with John will help, but what if it doesn’t?”

Floyd frowned.  “Why wouldn’t it help?”  He couldn’t imagine how doing something with his brothers might make him feel worse, but then again, he’d felt pretty bad on Grandma’s birthday, and he didn’t really know why.

“I mean in the long-term.”  Clay said.  Floyd still didn’t get it.  “Have you figured out who you are outside of our bros?”

Floyd was more confused than before.  “I’m just me.”  He said.

“No, no, I know.”  Clay said.  “I mean, well, I like books, and I have my job.  Those are just mine.  I like them with or without our bros.  John Dory has his camping.  Spruce likes cooking, and he’s into the beach.  And Branch has those forts and patterns of his.  You are so much more than just being ‘the sensitive one’ in Brozone, and I don’t know if you even see it.”

Floyd brought his hands to his ears and tugged on them.  He didn’t know why he did it, it just happened sometimes.  He didn’t think it was a big deal, but Clay’s eyes flashed in concern and he took Floyd’s hands in his own, pulling them away from his ears.

“Don’t do that.”  Clay said.  He gave Floyd a shaky smile that was clearly forced.  “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you’re going to get your ears stuck like that if you do that?”  Of course Floyd had heard that.  It was something that trolls said all the time.  It was like telling a little kid that if they made a funny face then it would get stuck like that.  It was just a way to discourage bad habits without explaining why it was bad.

Floyd wanted to brush off Clay’s weird attempt at a joke, but his brother was looking at his ears weirdly now.  He looked confused and a little freaked out, and Floyd didn’t know why.  Clay let go of Floyd’s hands, only to grab the tips of his ears.

“What’re you-?”  Floyd trailed off with a wince when Clay pulled his ears upward, not too harshly, but definitely more than he would if he was just playing.  “Ow!”

“Sorry!”  Clay promptly let him go, but he was still looking at Floyd’s ears.  He looked nearly horrified and Floyd was starting to feel a little scared himself.  “Sorry, I just…sorry.”  He cleared his throat.  He was then smiling in a way that was very clearly forced.  “You know what?  I know what we can do today.  You don’t know how to figure out who you are.  Speaking from experience, a great first step is to figure out what your aesthetic is.”  Clay gave his sweater vest a tug.  He’d been experimenting with a few looks.  Floyd wasn’t quite used to any of them, but Clay needed to wear what made him comfortable.  “I think you need a makeover, so why don’t we have some fun with it?”

Floyd, who was covering his ears protectively, gave Clay a dubious look.  “Fun?  You hate makeovers.”

“I hated brozone makeovers.”  Clay said.  “But this isn’t about finding a style that the fans’ll like.  This is going to be about finding a style that you like.  It’ll be fun.  I promise.”

Floyd wasn’t so sure, but something about Clay’s voice made it seem like this was something he needed to do right now.  Floyd didn’t get it, but he didn’t want to upset his brother.  Besides, he was starting to grow out of his clothes, and he would be needing new clothes soon anyway.  At least this way he wouldn’t have to stress about how to ask Payton and Everett for help.  They did so much for him.  

This was what Clay wanted, and it would help him not burden his guardians more than he already was.  Floyd didn’t really want to do this whole makeover thing, but he’d never really been very good at doing things that he wanted.  That was the whole problem.

He gave Clay a small smile.  If Clay could tell that it was a little forced he would probably assume that Floyd was just feeling a little nervous and shy.  That was what everybody assumed, and sometimes Floyd wasn’t even sure if it was the case or not.

“Okay.”  Floyd said.  He could do this if it made Clay happy.  Besides, it would give him the chance to spend some time with his brother.  And in a way that Clay actually wanted.   Floyd couldn’t really ask for more.  “Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

Clay didn’t like acting.  Putting on a mask and pretending he was someone he wasn’t made him feel like a liar.  Even when he knew it was all just for a show he had hated doing it.  After leaving Brozone he had promised himself that he wouldn’t hide his feelings again.

And yet here he was, putting on a fake smile and acting like everything was okay, because he was terrified that if he let Floyd know just how worried he was then everything would get so much worse.

He had known that Floyd was struggling.  He’d tried to ignore it, but he could still see it.  He hadn’t realized how bad it was though, and until now he hadn’t considered how bad it could get.  Then he had taken a look at Floyd’s ears, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore.  Even though he had brought Floyd clothes shopping to try to find a style of his own he wasn’t really paying attention to the clothes.  All he could look at were Floyd’s ears.  They were drooping.  Clay was used to seeing his ears droop.  Floyd always got so distressed when the brothers fought, and it wasn’t uncommon for his ears to droop when there was conflict.  But they always went back to normal eventually.

Floyd seemed content enough at this moment, but that was what made Clay so worried.  If Floyd was in a good mood but his ears were still drooping then it meant that they were stuck like that now, and as far as Clay could tell this wasn’t something that could be cured.  And it was frightening to think that Floyd would always have this symptom of Grayness.  Whether his colors dulled or not he was still far more upset than he should be, and Clay didn’t know how to fix it.

One thing at a time.  He couldn’t do anything about Floyd’s ears, but he could help his brother feel more comfortable in his own skin.  He didn’t actually know if that was even part of the problem, but it might be, and it was something that Clay could help with.  Getting himself some new outfits had helped Clay to get a better idea of exactly who he was outside of Brozone.  Maybe it would help Floyd too.

Floyd looked at everything.  Pants.  Shirts.  Dresses.  Jackets.  Accessories.  His gaze never lingered long on anything.

“I don’t know how to do this.”  Floyd said.  The hint of a whiny tone in his voice was the only indication that he was upset or frustrated.  “John Dory always did the shopping.”

Yes, Clay remembered that all too well and he couldn’t help but scowl at the reminder.  “Well, John Dory’s not here.”  He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.  Floyd’s ears seemed to droop just a little bit more.  Clay needed to remind himself that Floyd missed their brothers.  He didn’t need a reminder of their absence.

“I’m sure we can figure it out between the two of us.”  Clay said in a forcefully relaxed tone.  He needed to keep calm.  Floyd was far too sensitive to emotions.  If he knew Clay was upset he would just get upset himself.

“Let’s start simple.  Can you think of anybody whose style you like?”  Clay asked.  “Or maybe a time when you saw what someone was wearing and you thought to yourself ‘wow, I really like how that looks’.”

Floyd frowned thoughtfully and then he grimaced.  Clay knew that look.  Floyd had something in mind but he was second-guessing himself.  He didn’t feel like his idea was good enough for some reason.

“Come on, Bro, it’s just me.”  Clay said gently.  “I’m wearing a sweater vest.  I’m not going to judge you for your sense of style.”  Clay didn’t see anything wrong with his particular style, which he was still trying to discover, but he knew that John Dory would probably tease him endlessly if he saw him like this.

Floyd rocked slightly on his heels.  “Shade tripped and ripped his favorite pants a bit ago.  He hasn’t thrown them out, because they’re his favorite, but he hasn’t gotten around to fixing them yet.  Sometimes he forgets they’re ripped, and he’ll put them on, and then he complains about needing to change.  And I just keep thinking that, you know, maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to change if it was me.”

“Ripped pants.”  Clay didn’t think he saw anybody else wearing that kind of thing on purpose, but that was more than fine.  This wasn’t about Floyd looking like how others expected him to look.  This was about exploring what he wanted.  He didn’t think that was something they’d be able to find, but Viva would probably be happy to help them fix a pair up to get it to be the way that Floyd wanted it.

“Alright, do you have colors in mind?”  Clay asked.  He started looking through different shirts and stuff to see if anything just screamed Floyd.

“Um.”  Floyd looked at the options.  “I like pink, but I don’t think…I don’t know.”

“Yeah you do.”  Clay said confidently.  “You just don’t know if it’s okay.  I promise, it is.”  Floyd still didn’t look certain.  Clay would have to lead him in the right direction, and he hated it.  He wanted to guide Floyd to his own thoughts, not tell him what to think.  

“Okay, John always got you brighter shades of pink to wear.”  Clay said.  “Do you want something maybe a bit more subdued?  Darker?”

Floyd perked up and nodded shyly, like he was worried that he wasn’t allowed to have a preference.  Clay didn’t even think this was that big of a request.

“I think I have an idea.”  Clay said.  He remembered that every single time they did fittings for their new Brozone costumes Floyd would play around and wear Spruce’s stuff instead of his own.  It drove John Dory nuts.  Clay had always thought that he was just trying to lighten things a bit, but looking back he realized that Floyd wouldn’t have done it by doing something that he knew would upset John Dory.  Floyd cared too much about pleasing everybody.

So maybe there had been another reason why Floyd had taken those new outfits.  Why he had strutted around and carried himself differently in purple.

It took some searching but Clay eventually found the perfect thing.  It was a plaid patterned jacket with white trimming and a hood.  The plaid was different shades of heliotrope, a color that looked either pink or purple, depending on the shade, lighting, and context.  Clay wasn’t really feeling the white for Floyd, but that part would be easy enough to dye.

“What do you think about this?”  Clay held the jacket up.  It was a few sizes too big for Floyd, but that was a look in and of itself.  Floyd still looked so uncertain.

“That’s purple.”  Floyd said plainly.  Clay barely kept himself from groaning.

“A purplish pink.”  Clay admitted.  “You can’t tell me you don’t like purple.”

“I do, but…”  Floyd trailed off.  It was clear what the problem was.  Clay sighed and gave Floyd a sympathetic, if tired, look.

“Spruce doesn’t have a monopoly on the color purple.”  Clay said.  “You can wear it if you want, and I know you want to.”  He held the jacket out to Floyd.  “Just try it on and see how it feels.”

Floyd reluctantly put it on, but as soon as he was wearing it he looked much more comfortable.  He looked at his arms, trying to get a good look at them.  Clay pulled him to a mirror so he could see properly.  Floyd’s eyes widened.  

“This is…yeah.”  Floyd smiled.  Clay couldn’t help but smile too.

“You like it?”  Clay asked.

“I really like it.”  Floyd said.  He pulled the jacket closer, zipped it up a bit, and then opened it back up again.  “Maybe without a shirt.”

“You’ve always liked the ‘no shirt’ look.”  Clay said.  Some days Floyd didn’t even feel like wearing a vest, though John didn’t like it when he left the house without wearing something on top.  “So, I’m no color expert, but I was thinking that if you didn’t like the white we could dye it.  Maybe red, to see if we can bring out the pink a bit more.  Or blue, though that might bring out the purple.  Or-”

“Gray?”  Floyd asked hopefully.  Clay had to keep himself from immediately shutting down that idea.

“Maybe not gray.”  Clay said slowly.  He didn’t like the thought of seeing that color anywhere on Floyd.  “Maybe…black?”  He didn’t know why he suggested that.  Pop trolls didn’t wear black.  It was rarely ever seen as an accent.  But Floyd’s eyes lit up, and Clay knew that he would have to find some black dye.  He’d let Floyd wear all the black in the world if it kept him from wearing gray.

They didn’t end up getting too much for Floyd.  They found some pants to work with, and while looking at the accessories he thought of a great gift for his brother.  He didn’t see exactly what he was looking for, but he knew that Viva had the materials for him to make it for himself.  It would give him something to do while he let Viva work her makeover magic.

They were both in a good mood when they were done shopping.  Floyd was cheerfully wearing his new jacket.  It really was a great find, and Clay was proud of it.  They went out for lunch, and they spent most of the time in silence.  Floyd was comfortable in the quiet, and Clay didn’t know what to say.  Was he supposed to talk to Floyd about his ears?  It felt weird to not talk about it, but he imagined that he would get really stressed out if one of his brothers pointed out that he had a symptom of Grayness.

Did Floyd even know what it meant to go Gray?  Clay had known about it when he was Floyd’s age, but he also read sad books all the time, and trolls went Gray in a lot of those books.  Floyd was so young, and he didn’t have the same experiences as Clay did.  If he didn’t know about going Gray then Clay really didn’t want to be the one to tell him.

But if Floyd really did go Gray, wouldn’t it be better for him to know about it beforehand?  Clay thought so, but he didn’t actually know.

At times like this Clay felt like their schools should teach trolls how to be good big brothers, because he had never felt so useless.

Deep down, though he’d never admit it to anybody, he wished that John Dory was here.  His older brother wasn’t the best brother in the world, but he also had a lot of experience being a big brother, and Clay desperately needed somebody else to take charge and fix everything.

Clay had been thinking of reaching out to John Dory for some time now.  He’d been putting it off for a long time, but there were a lot of things that they needed to do to prepare for Trollstice.  They’d sent trolls out to start building up their new village, but that village was a few days' journey from the tree, just to be safe.  It wouldn’t be safe for an entire troll population to wander the wilderness until they got to their new home, so the plan was to set up one or two temporary camps along the way.  Places that were hidden and safe.

John Dory knew more about survival than anybody else that Clay knew.  He could make sure the camps were good enough to serve their purpose, and he’d be able to escort each wave of trolls from one safe place to another.  Clay knew that John Dory was the best person for the job, but he’d been putting off reaching out to him just because it was hard to ask his older brother for help.  It felt like admitting that he wasn’t good enough on his own.

The fact that he needed help with Floyd was probably the push that he needed to swallow his pride and write to John Dory.  He’d probably have a few ideas on how to help Floyd.

When they were done with lunch Clay brought Floyd back to Viva’s place.  His friend had a lot of work she needed to do today, but she always had stuff to do.  If Clay could afford a day off, so did she.  He was sure that she would appreciate the chance to do some arts and crafts.  She loved a good project.  And Clay wasn’t sure if Viva had spent any time with his brothers, and he hadn’t realized how much that bothered him.  He wanted Floyd to like Viva, and he wanted her to like his brothers.

Viva was sitting in her bedroom, holding her sibling’s egg.  It was how she started and ended every day, and how she spent her lunch break.  It was the compromise that they were both happy with.  Clay cleared his throat as he came into the room.  Viva beamed at the two of them.

“Floyd, you were supposed to make him slack off all day.”  Viva said playfully.  Floyd snorted and flapped his hands slightly.  He seemed to be having fun with the long sleeves of his oversized jacket.

“I’m not here to get back to work.”  Clay said.  He hadn’t even considered it.  Right now Floyd was his one and only concern.  “We’re giving Floyd a makeover, and you’re so much better at that than I am.

Viva gasped excitedly.  She got to her feet, quickly but carefully pushing the egg into Clay’s hands.  She went to Floyd and gave him her full attention.

“A makeover?  That’s so exciting.”  Viva squealed.  She started to look him over.  She adjusted his hair, his arms, and even his ears.  Clay felt like his heart was caught in his throat.  Would she realize that they were drooping?  How might she react?  

Viva paid it no mind.  Her mind was on just one thing.  “Okay, how big were we thinking?  Just a few new outfits?  A complete wardrobe change?  Do you want to experiment with your hair?”  Floyd looked a little overwhelmed by her quick questions.  That was fine.  Clay had some ideas.

“The jacket is the base.”  Clay said.  “We were thinking of dying the white bit here black.”

“Black?”  Viva looked impressed.  “Ooh, that’s bold.  I love it.”

“He likes pink, but he wants it to be darker and more subdued.”  Clay said.  “If it leans more towards purple, great.”  He cleared his throat.  “Black is great, I guess, but as a favor towards me I would like it if we didn’t use gray.”  Maybe it wasn’t fair to push his preference onto Floyd’s makeover.  The whole point was for his brother to find who he was, and it would completely defeat the purpose if Clay took it over.

He looked to Floyd now, encouraging him with a glance to speak for himself.  Floyd didn’t hesitate.

“We got new pants.”  Floyd said.  “But I want them to be kinda ripped a bit in the knees.”

“A sweetheart with an edgy side.”  Viva nodded.  “I can see it.  I can see it.”

“I thought you’d be able to rip up the pants in a way that would keep them from getting destroyed more than we want them to be.”  Clay said.  

“Oh, yeah, easily.”  Viva said.  She took Floyd’s hands.  “So, you’re making a really big change.  Do you want to do anything with your hair?”  Viva asked.  Clay hadn’t even considered that.  Floyd smiled though, looking completely comfortable.  “Um, we did something with Brozone.  Part of our hair was white.”

“We frosted our tips.”  Clay said.  Viva opened her mouth.  “And no, I’m not finding pictures for you.  I know you saw our shows back then.  You don’t need reminders.”  Clay had not been fond of the look.  It had worked for the others, but Clay’s hair was just too light to start with.  He had felt like the frosted tips made his whole hair look splotchy.

“Can we do something like that, except a different color?”  Floyd asked.  “Like a darker pink?  Or…or maybe a purple?”

“Okay, so you wanna dye the tips?”  Viva nodded.  She didn’t look nearly as concerned at the thought as Clay was.  Hair could be so sensitive.  Trolls could change the color of their hair at will, but it took a lot of concentration to permanently change the color.  Clay had been experimenting with having more of a green look himself, but he could only maintain the color for a few hours at a time before he had to stop due to a massive headache.  Changing only part of one’s hair was harder, and Clay thought that Floyd was too young to manage it.

Using dye was the safest thing to do, but it was still risky.  Their hair had nerves.  The chemicals in dyes could cause some pain, even if they didn’t do a lot of permanent damage unless something went very wrong.

Clay had to bite his tongue to refrain from guiding Floyd away from something painful and a little risky.  He had to trust that his brother knew what he was doing.  Floyd was young, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t know what he wanted.  Despite his hesitancy, he had an idea of what his style was.  And he’d had his tips bleached before, and that was more painful than just dye.  If he could handle that he could handle this.

Viva was all for this idea.  She squealed again and started brushing her hands through his hair.  “This is going to be so much fun.”  Viva said.  “You’re going to look fantastic.  I know the best hair stylist.  They know what they’re doing, I promise.  They’ll be gentle and you’ll barely feel a thing.”  She glanced towards Clay and gave him a small smile.  He knew that this was said for his sake, not Floyd’s, and he appreciated it.

Everything happened so fast after that.  Viva dragged Floyd off to the hair stylist.  They all agreed that she would go with him to provide moral support, and she would work on the pants and jacket while she waited, and Clay would stay behind.  He would be too anxious if he was there while Floyd got his hair dyed, and it would just freak his brother out.  He needed support, not overprotectiveness.

Besides, Clay had his own project to do.

He went to find Viva’s crafting supplies.  Everything was a mess, but by now he knew how her organized chaos worked.  He found the paints immediately, and it only took another minute to find the stuff he needed to make earrings.

Floyd may think that he was just another one of the other brothers, and that he was nothing without them, but for years now he’d had an iconic look.  His earring.  It was small, but it was his.   Most of their fans didn’t know what it meant, but Floyd did, and that was what mattered.

His earring was how he had expressed himself up to this point.  This makeover would hopefully do more for him, but there was no reason why he couldn’t have an earring that matched with this new style of his.

Clay had a tendency to overthink things.  He didn’t know if Floyd would like black, purple, pink, or something else entirely.  So he made a few different options.  He found the little orbs that looked exactly like Floyd’s current earrings.  He painted two of them black, just in case he lost one.  A dark purple.  Mahogany.  A pale dusty pink.  Lavender.  One that was sloppily painted both pink and purple.  And then, just because he knew Floyd would appreciate it, he painted four more.  A greenish blue.  A blueish purple.  A greenish yellow.  A bright blue.  One for each of Floyd’s bros.

Between painting the earrings and trying to assemble them so they could actually be worn Clay was crafting for a long time.  He had only just finished when Viva and Floyd returned, and the smile on Floyd’s face was breathtaking.  He looked like a new troll, even if it wasn’t for the brand new style.

“Look at you!”  Clay beamed.  Floyd giggled and struck a pose.  It wasn’t his old ‘sensitive one’ pose.  This one was much less rehearsed, much more awkward, and much more real.  Floyd was wearing the ripped up pants and the jacket, which now had black lining on it done so well that it looked like it was supposed to be that way.  His hair had a very dark pink at the tips, and Clay was stunned to see that he had bangs sweeping in front of his eyes.

Pop trolls didn’t do bangs.  They didn’t cut their hair.  Ever.  It was weird to see, but Floyd looked so happy, and that was all that mattered.

Clay smiled.  He was looking at Floyd.  The real Floyd.  Maybe neither of them really knew who that was yet, but that was what made this so exciting.

“You look amazing.”  Clay said sincerely.  “You know, I’ve been working on a little something while you guys were gone.”  He stepped away from the table where the earrings were laid out.  Floyd’s eyes seemed to bug out of his skull as he came closer to get a better look.  “I didn’t know what you would want, so I made a bit of everyth-”  He was interrupted when Floyd quickly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly.  Clay sighed and returned the embrace.

“Thank you.”  Floyd said quietly, his voice cracking with emotion.

“You deserve to be happy.”  Clay said.  He knew this wasn’t going to be enough.  A change of style wasn’t going to fix everything, but it was all he could do.  They held onto each other for a long minute before Floyd pulled back and Clay let him go.  Floyd looked at all the earrings.  He took his white one out and carefully set it down.  He hesitated for a moment before he picked up the dark purple one.  He put it on.

“That completes it.”  Viva said.  “You ready to take a look?”  Clay blinked.  Floyd hadn’t looked yet?  It seemed odd, but he couldn’t help but be happy about it.  This was a big deal, and Clay wanted to share it with him.  Clay took Floyd’s hand and pulled him in front of Viva’s full size mirror.  Floyd went completely still as he finally looked at himself.  He was quiet for so long that Clay got a little worried that something was wrong.

“Bro?”  Clay squeezed Floyd’s hand.  “You cool?”

Floyd took in a slow, stuttered breath.  “I-it’s me.”

“It’s you.”  Clay said.  He wrapped his arm around his brother’s shoulder and pulled him close.  “And that’s all you ever need to be.”

Chapter Text

Viva held her little sibling’s egg close to her chest, as though if she clutched to it tightly enough then she could fill the void that had gradually been building in her stomach.  She didn’t like that empty feeling.  It had always been lingering there for as long as she could remember, just waiting to sneak up on her when it was getting close to Trollstice or she heard about a bergen attack.

She didn’t want to think about bergens, or death, or grief, or anything like that.  She avoided those sad thoughts like the plague, and up until now it had all worked out pretty well, but this twisted feeling that made her feel like the future was bleak and forever devoid of happiness had been hitting her more and more frequently these past few months.

It wasn’t that she blamed Clay, but maybe she kinda did a little.  She knew he was right.  She knew he was just doing his job, and that his way of doing things was smart and responsible.  His plan was for the best for the whole kingdom, and that was great.  But all of this planning for Trollstice made it impossible to avoid thinking about it, which meant that she couldn’t avoid thinking about bergens and death and fear.

Every day they were planning and making progress.  Viva felt like they were doing great.  Trollstice wasn’t for another four months and their temporary refuge camp sites had already been set up.  The new troll village was coming along great, and it should be ready for trolls to move in immediately upon arrival.  Numerous craftsmen and specialists had already left to finish up what work still needed to be done.  As far as Viva could tell the biggest thing left to do was the evacuations themselves.

Unfortunately, that part was a lot harder to do than she thought it would be.

Viva and Clay hadn’t realized they weren’t on the same page about this matter.  They agreed that Viva’s sibling should be evacuated with the other babies, both because there would be numerous guardians around who were very capable of taking care of them, and because, should something happen to Viva and King Peppy when the final evacuations happened, the royal line would be carried on.

Viva hated to think about that part of the precaution.  The thought of her little sibling growing up never knowing her or their father made Viva want to curl up into a ball and sob into her legs.  She couldn’t do it.  She just couldn’t.

But she couldn’t lose her little sibling to the bergens either.  So, her sibling would be going with the first wave of evacuations.  Great.  Not ideal, but great.  Viva and Clay agreed about that.  Where they passionately disagreed was when that evacuation should happen. 

Clay was adamant that they should have already started the evacuations.  Yes, they had four months, but they also had an entire community to slowly get away from the tree without being noticed.  Sending out too many trolls too frequently would get them noticed.  They had to do just a little at a time, and as they got closer to Trollstice they would have to be more and more careful.

The babies were ready to go.  They didn’t really understand what was going on.  Viva had insisted on only telling them what was absolutely necessary for them to know.  They were just babies, after all, and they shouldn’t have to worry about being eaten.  Scared kids were loud kids, and when it came to bergens loud trolls were dead trolls.  If they wanted the kids to be calm they couldn’t know everything.  As far as they knew right now they were going on a camping trip.

They’d been ready for weeks, and the caretakers and guardians were starting to get antsy.  So was Clay.  But Viva didn’t want them to go yet.  She wasn’t ready, and she didn’t know if she would ever be.

“Hey, Vee,”  She jolted and turned to see John Dory standing in the doorway.  She had known that he was on his way, because Clay had told her as much, but it was still shocking .  It felt too soon.

John Dory was supposed to be escorting the young trolls and the others to the troll village.  If he was here then it was really time to go.  Viva held the egg close, almost protectively.  Would she even have the chance to say goodbye?  She didn’t think they would be leaving right this second, but she had no idea how long John Dory had been here for.  Maybe everybody was already gathered and waiting on her, and Clay just hadn’t wanted to deal with her emotions, so he had sent his brother to break it to her instead.

John Dory gave her a sympathetic look.  He entered the room and sat on the floor, not doing or saying anything to imply that she needed to hand over the egg.

“How’re you holding up?”  John Dory asked.  Viva took a deep breath and forced herself to relax.  He wasn’t here to steal her little sibling.

“I’m…fine.”  She said.  She wasn’t, but it was really hard to admit it.  “I’m sorry.  How are you?”  Her anxiety was no reason to forget her manners.  She’d always gotten along fine with John Dory, and she hadn’t really seen him since he had left all those months ago.  He looked tired and a little sad, but somehow he also looked better than he had before he had left.  He looked healthier.  Happier.  How could he be happy when he was sad?  Viva didn’t understand it at all.

“I’ve been better.”  John Dory said.  “But I’ve been a lot worse.”  He smiled.  “Clay asked for my help.  My help.  I didn’t think he’d ever address me civily again.  It’s more than I ever thought I’d get with him.”

Viva tightened her grip on the egg.  “Is this your way of trying to tell me that letting my sibling go will bring us closer?” 

John Dory snorted.  “That’s not how it works.”  Viva relaxed.  She needed to calm down.

“Right, right, sorry.”  She gave the egg a little rub.

“Hey, I get you.”  John Dory said.  “Clay doesn’t get it.  He’s practical and efficient, and logic says that letting go is what makes sense.  But that’s not what your heart says, is it?”

Viva bit her inner cheek and shook her head.

“Is there anything that would make this easier?”  John Dory asked.  It was something that Clay had asked her numerous times, but her answers had always frustrated him because the one thing she needed was something he had no control over and they both knew it.

“I want to meet my little sibling.”  She said quietly.  “If the egg hatched, if I could just hold them and meet them, maybe it’ll be easier.”  Or harder, but this was all she knew.

That was why they’d delayed for this long, because Viva had hoped that the egg would hatch, but they couldn’t wait anymore.  There was no real timeline for when eggs hatched.  Some eggs only needed to incubate for a few weeks.  Some of them took up to a year.  The baby came out when they were ready to.  Sometimes parents had good instincts about when they could expect their kid, but it wasn’t a sure thing.  Viva definitely didn’t have that instinct.

But maybe John Dory did.

Viva looked at him.  “Clay told me once that you seemed to know when Floyd and Branch were going to come out of their eggs.”

“I mean, I didn’t know for sure.”  John Dory said.  “But, you know, I kinda felt it.  Branch took his time.  Like, a really long time.  He got a little lonely when he was left alone for too long,”  Which maybe sounded silly, because how could an egg be lonely?  But Viva understood, and it made her feel validated.  She felt like she could tell when her little sibling wanted company.  She didn’t know how, she just knew, and it seemed that John Dory did too.

“Branch’s egg always wiggled around when we sang.”  John Dory chuckled.  “I swear I could hear him tapping to the beat.  He was vibing with the music, but man did he take his time coming out to say hi.”

John Dory tilted his head back a little and looked towards the ceiling.  He was getting lost in his memories.

“Floyd was a very still and quiet egg.  The doctors thought he’d be a late bloomer.  I said he would hatch as early as he possibly could.  Sure enough, he was only an egg for, like, a few days.  He was really small and kinda weak, so maybe it would have been better if he had taken longer to hatch, but that just wasn’t Floyd.”  John Dory’s smile became very sad.  “Even as a baby he would rather make himself sick than be separated from his brothers.  He just wanted hugs and connections too badly to take his time with it.”  

Now John Dory just looked far too sad.  Viva knew that he was worrying about Floyd, because Clay had been really worried about him too.  Especially these past few weeks as he’d been getting busier and busier and just couldn’t give Floyd as much attention as he would like.

Clay had mentioned in passing that when he had written to John Dory he had caught him up to speed about how Floyd was doing.  Viva knew they were really worried about him, but nobody had told her why.  She supposed it wasn’t really any of her business, but she hated to see her friend be so upset, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Have you checked on Floyd?”  Viva asked.

“Not yet.”  John Dory said.  “Clay doesn’t think I should.  He thinks it’ll just upset Floyd and distract me from what I need to do, but I’m not just going to not say hi.  Floyd’s going to find out sooner or later that I passed through, and it’ll kill him if he thought I couldn’t even be bothered to check on him.  So, yeah, I’m going to be dropping by, just to make sure he’s okay and get a quick hug.  I think it’s something we both need.”

Viva normally tried to at least listen to what Clay had to say about things, because he was so much smarter than she was, but she agreed with John Dory.  He couldn’t just leave his little brother.

John Dory gave her a small smile.  “You know what?  Why don’t you come with me?  Bring the egg.”

Viva frowned.  “Why?”

“Why not?”  John Dory smiled broadly at her.  Viva didn’t really have a response to that.  She approached John Dory, still holding the egg close.  She had no intention of letting it go, and he didn’t do anything to indicate that she would have to.

Viva hadn’t realized how caught up in her own head she had gotten and how late it was now.  It was dark and quiet out.  She didn’t see any trolls out and about, and she couldn’t even hear any bergens if she strained her ears.  It was just quiet.  There was something peaceful about it, but also a bit frightening.

John Dory looked completely comfortable and Viva stayed close to his side.  She knew that Clay had conflicted feelings about John Dory, but she couldn’t help but find comfort and reassurance from his presence.  She’d always felt at ease with his confidence.  He knew what he was doing, and even if he didn’t he was really good at acting like he was.

“You know, if you’re not ready to say goodbye you don’t have to.”  John Dory said, breaking the silence.  It took her a long time to realize what he meant.  She held the egg close to her chest.

“But…the evacuations need to start.”  She said, though her voice lacked the conviction she knew she should have.  She knew it, but she didn’t like it, and it hurt.

“We still can.”  John Dory said.  “But there’s months before Trollstice.  We can wait and send your sibling with a later group.”

Viva bit her lip.  It was far too tempting.  She really wanted her sibling to stay.  She wanted to meet them.  John Dory’s idea could help, but it could also give her more and more excuses to keep putting it off.  How long would she put it off before giving in?  Would she be able to say goodbye when she really needed to?

She swallowed thickly and slowly held the egg out to John Dory.  “You know more about eggs than I do.  Can you, I don’t know, get a feeling for it?  See if you can guess when it’ll hatch?”  If it was just a few days she was sure they could put off this first wave of evacuations.  If it was a few weeks then maybe she would hold onto the egg and they would start the evacuations, and then she could send her sibling with the next group.  If it was much longer than that then she didn’t know if they could afford to wait.

John Dory frowned slightly, but he accepted the egg.  He handled it with a lot of care and caution.  Viva watched in fascination and trepidation as he slowly ran his hand across the surface of the egg, lightly tapping it, and then putting his ear against it to listen.  He hummed and listened again.  He did this for a minute before offering the egg back to her.  Viva quickly took it.

“Your sibling sounds hyper and healthy.”  John Dory said.  “I can feel them kicking and tapping all over the place.  They’re got energy, let me tell you.”  He was beaming, and Viva couldn’t help but smile back.

“Is that a good sign?”  She asked eagerly.  She didn’t actually know a lot about eggs.  She’d heard that young trolls were eager and all over the place just before hatching.  But then again, John Dory had said that Floyd was a still egg and he’d hatched quickly, and Branch had taken forever, even though he’d been an active egg.

“It’s a good sign that they’re healthy.”  John Dory repeated himself.  It should be reassuring, but Viva’s heart dropped.  That was not what she had wanted to hear.

“But not a sign that they’ll hatch soon.”  Viva said quietly.

“They’ll hatch when they’re ready.”  John Dory said.  Viva couldn’t help the tears that came to her eyes.  There was no guarantee, which meant that the best thing she could do was let go, and she really didn’t want to.  Viva sniffled.  John Dory gave her a soft look and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close in a hug without disturbing the egg.  She couldn’t keep it in after that.  She let out a wail and buried her face against his shoulder.  He just let her cry.

They must have stood there for several minutes before she was able to calm down enough to pull back.  She didn’t really feel better, but she was able to stop crying.

“Sorry.”  She said with a watery laugh.  She wiped away the last of her tears.  “I’m sorry.  You’re trying to say goodbye to Floyd, and I’m making it about me.”

“No reason why we can’t do both.”  John Dory said.  “I don’t have a monopoly on missing siblings.”  He ruffled her hair.  She didn’t think anybody had ever done that to her.  She liked it, and even though she was still feeling sad she couldn’t help but giggle.  She hoped she didn’t wake anybody up with her laughing.  Or from her crying earlier.

Now that she thought about it, Floyd was probably asleep right now.  Not that either of the brothers would probably care much about that fact, but it made Viva’s stomach twist a little.  She hated the thought that their reunion was going to be so brief, almost like an afterthought, second to the evacuations.  But was that because the evacuations were really important and something they needed to focus on?  Or because they didn’t want to put in the effort to make it any more than that?

Viva knew Clay’s brothers all loved each other, but she couldn’t help but hope that she didn’t have such a confusing relationship with her sibling, and then she felt guilty for feeling that way.  She didn’t think she was judging the guys, but was she?  Was it judgy to not want that kind of thing for herself?  She really didn’t know.

They continued on to where Floyd was staying.  The lights were all out.  John Dory finally looked a little nervous as he went and knocked on the door.  It was a timid knock, like he didn’t really want to be heard.  For a long moment Viva wondered if he was going to give up and walk away.  Then they heard some shuffling from inside and John Dory froze.  The door was opened by a half-asleep looking Shade.  He looked suddenly more aware when he saw them.

“Your highness.”  Shade sounded stunned.  “Johnny.  What are you doing here?”

“I was in town, and thought I’d drop in to see my bro.”  John Dory said.  “You think he’d mind if I woke him up?”

“He’d have to be asleep for you to wake him.”  Shade said.  He didn’t quite sound bitter, but he sounded tired.  He opened the door wider, silently inviting them in.  Viva and John Dory stepped inside.  Maybe she should stay in the main room and give John Dory some privacy with Floyd, but the thought didn’t really cross her mind.  She followed Shade into a small bedroom.  There was a lump of blankets on one of the beds.  Shade nudged the lump.

“Dude, you won’t believe who stopped by to say hi.”  Shade said.  Floyd peeked out of the bundle of blankets, his hair falling in his face and his eyes full of tears.  He looked at Shade in confusion, but the second he layed eyes on John Dory his face absolutely lit up.  Viva smiled to herself.  She wanted somebody to look at her that way.

Floyd leapt out of the bed with so much enthusiasm that he just ended up in a tangle of blankets on the floor.  He squirmed and struggled until he was able to get out.  He ran into John Dory’s arms, both laughing and crying at once as he hugged him.

“Johnny!”  Floyd clung to him so tightly that he didn’t look like he ever wanted to let him go.  John Dory’s hold wasn’t too much lighter.

“Hey, Bud.”  John Dory said, his voice thick with emotion.  “Man, I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too.”  Floyd sniffled.  He reluctantly pulled away.  “What are you doing here?”  

“I’m doing a favor for Clay.”  John Dory said.  Viva didn’t know why he wasn’t just telling Floyd the specifics.  Maybe he just didn’t want to worry him.  That was fair enough, Viva supposed, but she couldn’t help but wonder if he knew that Branch was probably leaving really soon.

“I just had to stop by and see you first.”  John Dory brushed some of Floyd’s hair out of his face.  “Clay said you got a new style.  Mind if I see?”

Floyd beamed, like he thought that John Dory would never ask.  He nodded eagerly and scrambled to change out of his pajamas.  He rambled about his hair, his earring, and his jacket.  Viva didn’t really follow all of it, and she was a master at hyper-excited fast talking.  She doubted that John Dory understood any of it, but he smiled and nodded along as though he did.

When Floyd was dressed he held his arms out, showing it off.  John Dory smiled broadly.

“Look at you!”  John Dory laughed.  It wasn’t a mocking laughter.  He was just very happy, and his excitement made Floyd even more eager.  “I love it!  Very punk rock.”  Viva had no idea what that meant.  ‘Rock’ just didn’t make sense in the context of the conversation, because what did stones have to do with anything?  And ‘punk’ was absolutely meaningless.  She didn’t know if Floyd understood what those words meant, but he didn’t seem to care.  He just giggled and hugged John Dory again.

“You really like it?”  Floyd asked.

“You kidding me?”  John Dory gave him a tight squeeze.  “Anything that can make you smile like that has to be a good thing.  How could I not like it?”

“And it’s okay that I’m wearing purple?”  Floyd asked.  Viva didn’t really understand why that would be an issue.  John Dory looked confused for a minute too, and then he made a face like he had eaten something really bitter.

“Yeah, bro.”  John Dory said.  “It’s okay that you’re wearing purple.  It looks good on you.”  John Dory was still smiling, but there was something strained and forced about it.  It was a really good mask.  Viva only noticed it because she knew what her own strained smiles looked like.

“You know, I’ve met some trolls while I was gone.”  John Dory said, like it was a secret.  Though, maybe it was.  Viva supposed it made sense that the trolls in the tree weren’t the only trolls in the whole world, but she’d never really thought about it before.  “They weren’t really the friendliest of fellas, but they were pretty cool, and you know what?  I think they’d adore you.”

Viva could practically feel the excitement and awe radiating from Floyd.  “Maybe…Maybe sometime I can go with you and we can hang out with your friends.  Or just, I don’t know, with each other?”  He sounded so hopeful and cautious.  He was worried about being rejected.  He always sounded that way with Clay.  It had made Viva sad, but she knew that Clay was busy.  Floyd understood, and it wasn’t that Clay liked neglecting his brother.  But it was really sad that he was now expecting rejection from John Dory now too.

Had he started feeling this way  after the brothers split up?  Or had he always felt like this?  Viva felt a bit bad that she really had no idea, but it wasn’t really her place to think about it.

John Dory blinked.  It seemed to take him several long moments  before he understood what Floyd was saying.  When he got it he beamed broadly, looking happier than Viva had ever seen him before.

“You wanna go camping with me?”  John Dory asked with so much excitement that his voice cracked.  Floyd bounced a bit on his heels.

“Yes!”  Floyd said.  “Yes, that!  I wanna be with you.”  The happiness in his eyes dimmed ever so slightly.  There was a deep, sad longing in his eyes that Viva thought he was far too young to have.  “I’m not that good at being away from you guys.  I’ve tried, but-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”  John Dory leaned forward, resting his forehead against his little brother’s.  Floyd took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes.  “You’re doing great, bro.  And just because we’re not always with each other doesn’t mean we can’t do more stuff together.  That’s just something we’re going to have to work on.”

John Dory looked pained and apologetic.  “I’d love to take you on a camping trip right now, just me and you, but…but it’s just not great timing.”

“Because you have to do that thing for Clay.”  Floyd nodded.  He understood, and that made Viva’s stomach twist.  John Dory looked like he felt even worse.  “I can wait.”

“I wish you didn’t have to.”  John Dory said.  “If I had it my way I’d take you with me right now, but I already talked to Clay about it and he shot it down right away.”

Viva jolted.  “He did?  Why?”  Wouldn’t Clay want his little brother to escape from the tree  as soon as possible?  He was the one arranging all of the scheduling.  It would have been easy for him to arrange for Floyd and the family he was staying with to be part of this first evacuation group.

“He said it would be ‘an abuse of power’ and ‘unfair to everybody else’ .”  John Dory said with a scoff.  Viva grimaced.  She could imagine how that conversation had gone.

Floyd looked a bit confused, like he didn’t really understand what they were talking about, but maybe that was for the best.  Viva and John Dory couldn’t understand why Clay would insist on this.  Floyd was definitely too young and emotional to understand.  He would just wonder why his older brother didn’t want him to be safe.

“I can wait.”  Floyd said.  “But you’ll be back, right?  I’ll still see you on Trollstice?”

“Oh, definitely.”  John Dory said.  “Angry bergens couldn’t drag me away.  I made a promise, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”  Floyd said, though he still seemed incredibly reassured.  He leaned against John Dory, nuzzling close to him.  “When do you need to go?”

“Before dawn.”  John Dory said.  So today was it.  They were really leaving.  Clay was probably going around the tree gathering everybody that needed to go and making sure they were prepared.  “But I’ve still got a few hours, and I’m all yours until I have to leave.” 

Floyd nodded.  “Good.  Good.”  He yawned.  John Dory chuckled.

“Feeling sleepy?”  John Dory asked.  “Have you still been having a hard time sleeping?”

“A little.”  Floyd said quietly.  John Dory picked him up and brought him to his bed.  He sat down and leaned back, letting Floyd curl up against him.  Viva had thought that Floyd would want to stay awake and take advantage of every moment he had with his brother.  He seemed perfectly happy to just sleep right next to him.  Then again, it had been a long time since he’d been able to do this.

John Dory hummed quietly and ran his hand through Floyd’s hair as his little brother dozed off.  Viva stood in the doorway and just watched, holding her sibling’s egg close, rubbing it affectionately.

Floyd fell asleep really quickly, but John Dory didn’t stop brushing his hair and showing his affection.  Viva could see how much he cared, and she felt a deep longing in her chest.  She wanted to hold her little sibling close and brush away their tears.  She wanted to sing them to sleep and introduce them to music.

But more than anything else she wanted them to be safe.

Viva’s lips trembled as she hugged the egg close.  She sniffled and squeezed her eyes shut tight to try to keep herself from crying.

“Vee?”  John Dory’s voice was quiet.  “You okay?”

“W-will you take care of them?”  Viva asked.  “Keep them safe for me?”

John Dory was quiet for a moment.  “I’ll do everything in my power to take care of them.”  He said.  Viva knew he would, but the reassurance was still comforting.  She took a deep breath and put the egg down, sitting it next to her instead.  She still had it close and still rubbed her hand across the egg’s surface, but physically letting go was the first step to saying goodbye.

“If it’s a boy, his name is Allegro.”  Viva’s voice trembled.  “If it’s a girl, her name is Poppy.”  She and her dad had already talked about the names, but they hadn’t told anybody.  Not even Clay knew the names.  But her sibling needed to know who they were.  They deserved a name, even if Viva and their dad couldn’t be around to give it to them.

“Allegro and Poppy.”  John Dory nodded.  “Got it.”

They didn’t really talk a lot after that.  Both of them just sat there and enjoyed every second they could get with their siblings.  Morning would come far too soon, and they both knew that neither of them would be ready to say goodbye when it was time, but there wasn’t much more they could do.  Tomorrow they would need to return to their responsibilities.  For tonight they were just older siblings, and their little siblings were all they needed to worry about.

Chapter Text

Spruce was regretting going home for Grandma’s birthday.  And he regretted leaving again afterwards.

He hated thinking about home.  He both loved and hated it, and it just couldn’t be easy.  He wanted to be away, because he couldn’t stand the troll he had seen himself turning into when he was around his family.  Angry, defensive, and so caught up in his own feelings that he dismissed theirs.  Getting away from home was great for him, but every day he was fighting feelings of guilt, because now he knew that his brothers weren’t doing as great as he was, and he’d still left them again anyway.

He’d gone off on Clay, which was weird in and of itself.  Spruce and Clay were usually allies against John Dory.  But Spruce had been the one to harp on him, and they hadn’t really talked about it before he had left again.  Spruce wasn’t mad anymore, even if he was still a bit disappointed, but he hadn’t actually apologized.  Did Clay actually know that he wasn’t furious at him?  That he didn’t hate him?  

Spruce’s guilt led to him writing a letter to Clay, just to explain things and try to clear the air.  That had been weeks ago.  Maybe even months (time all blurred together on Vacay Island), and Spruce hadn’t heard back from him.  Had he ruined things?  All because he’d been feeling guilty about leaving Floyd behind, and Clay had just dared to call him out about it.

He knew he should go home, even just for a few weeks.  He needed to talk to Clay and work through this thing between them.  He needed to give Floyd the attention that he knew his little brother needed right now.  It was an easy enough solution, and it shouldn’t be too much of a sacrifice to go back home for a week or two every few months.  He could have some time for himself, and take care of his brothers, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that.  So instead he just moped and waited for a letter that probably wasn’t coming.

“Spruce?”  He heard Brandy approach her.  He sighed and stood up.  He’d been sitting on the beach, staring out to the horizon, and he’d probably lost track of time.  That wasn’t the best way to make a good impression on his new boss.

Spruce enjoyed the change to relax, but having so much time to himself just left him to spiral in his own thoughts, and he’d been desperate for a distraction.  He’d looked for some part time work, just to give himself something to focus on.  He had thought he would have a hard time getting a job, just because he was an outsider, but it wasn’t actually too hard.  There weren’t too many jobs on Vacayisland, but there were even less Vacaytioners looking for jobs.  Spruce was able to get a job as a waiter at one of the restaurants.  It wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life, but it gave him something to do.

He had taken a ten minute break who even knew how long ago.  Spruce was probably going to get an earful about it tonight.  He meant to hurry inside, but Brandy held out a hand to stop him.

“Hang on.”  She said.  She was holding some envelopes in her hand, one of them significantly smaller than the others.  “I was picking up the mail and I saw something for you.”  The island basically had a community mail pile for things sent from the mainland.  Everybody just kinda left the other’s things alone, respecting their privacy, but Spruce didn’t think that Brandy’s actions were crossing a line.  If she hadn’t grabbed his letter he wouldn’t have gotten it for a few more days at least, since he was refraining from checking so frequently, because the disappointment just stung too much.

Brandy held his letter out to him.  “You’ve been waiting for something, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.”  He snatched the letter from her, feeling his chest tighten with anticipation and anxiety.  He recognized Clay’s handwriting on the envelope.  His brother had written to him after all.  He practically tore open the envelope, sitting down and reading the letter, completely forgetting about work.

The letter was…interesting.  The writing was all stiff and forced, and it looked like the kind of thing that Clay used to write sometimes for school assignments, when he felt like the teachers weren’t taking him ‘seriously’ and he needed to overcompensate for it.

Was this who Clay was now, and he just wrote all his stuff like this, or did he feel the need to be formal with Spruce?

Looking past the tone of the letter, the actual content was pretty concerning too.  And contradicting.  Apparently the trolls were planning on evacuating the tree, which, good for them, but it was a stressful time for everybody.  A lot of preparations had been made, including the start of the evacuations themselves, but there was still a lot left to do.  Clay heavily implied that he would appreciate more help, and that Spruce’s support, both emotionally and physically, would be great.  But he also directly told Spruce that him coming back to the tree at all during this sensitive time would just cause more chaos (which, thanks, bro.  Thanks a lot), and that it would be best if he waited to visit until after Trollstice.

At least Clay left directions to where the new Troll Village would be, so he could find the place when he left.

“Bad news?”  Brandy sat next to him.

“I don’t know.”  Spruce admitted.  He had mixed feelings about the evacuation.  On the one hand it was great for the trolls to finally be getting their freedom.  This was honestly something that should have happened a long time ago.  But it was clearly risky, and Spruce didn’t like the thought of his brothers being in the middle of that.

He definitely didn’t like the thought of being safe and sound on this cozy island while his little bros were fighting for their lives.

“I think my brother needs help.”  Spruce said.  Clay had basically said as much.  “But I don’t think he wants it.  At least, not from me.”

“You have a brother?”  Brandy leaned forward.  “I didn’t know that.”  And, wow, that kinda hurt a bit.  He and Brandy worked at the same restaurant, and they talked quite a bit, especially outside of work.  Had he really not mentioned his brothers to her?  They were the most important trolls in his life.  How could he forget to talk about them?

“I actually have four brothers.”  Spruce said.  “One older, three younger.”

“Woof.”  Brandy grimiced sympathetically.  “Sounds like a tough spot to be in.”

“It is.”  Spruce groaned.  People rarely seemed to appreciate the struggles of the second oldest.  He had enough younger siblings that he was still expected to take responsibility for them, but having an older brother meant being bossed around, undermined, and underrestimed constantly.  It was so hard.

Brandy made herself more comfortable.  They’d probably be out here for a while.  Well, Brandy’s uncle was the main chef at the restaurant.  She had some sway there.  Maybe she would make sure that Spruce didn’t get in too much trouble.

Not like the Vacaytioners, as laid back as they were, would get too mad about anything, but Spruce was still paranoid about failing to meet expectations and disappointing those in authority over him.  Guess that was what living with John Dory did to someone.

Tell me about them.”  Brandy said.  Spruce leaned back.

“This letter’s from Clay.”  Spruce said.  “He’s the one I’m closest to, but we had a fight when I went home a few months ago, and I never really said sorry.”  He drew patterns in the sand.  “He didn’t mention it in the letter, and I still don’t know where I stand with him.”

Brandy just looked at him, eager to listen.  Spruce didn’t really want to talk about his brothers, which absolutely terrified him, so he talked about them anyway.

“Clay’s this total goofball.”  Spruce said, but that wasn’t quite right.  “And this total nerd.  He’s both, but he’s got it into his head that he can only be one.  He was told he had to be the ‘goofball’, so he pushed down the nerd part.  Now he’s got the chance to be the nerd he always was, but he’s also pushing down his silly side, and I just…I don’t know.”  Spruce felt bad for talking about Clay like this.  Did he even know what he was talking about?  He hadn’t seen Clay since Grandma’s birthday.  Clay was right, he’d left and he hadn’t really looked back.  Did he have any right to tak about his brother like he knew him at all?  Like he was in any position to judge him.

“Is Clay older or younger?”  Brandy asked.

“Younger.”  Spruce said.  “My older brother’s John Dory.  He’s…a lot.  He can be so much fun sometimes, and when we were younger he was my favorite brother.  When we got older he…he changed.  No.  I don’t think it was him.  It was the trolls around us.  Everybody expected him to be perfect .”  He hated that word with a passion.  “They expected him to raise us, and support Grandma, and do it all with a bright smile.”

Spruce wrapped his arms around his stomach.  He was starting to feel a little nauseous.  This was getting to be too much.  “I understand how he felt, but I-I don’t know how to forgive him for the way he made me feel.”  He swallowed thickly.  “I felt like if I wasn’t good enough, then everybody would see it as a sign that he wasn’t good enough, and that’s a lot of pressure, you know?”

“I know.”  Brandy said.  “Tell me something happy.  What’s your favorite memory with your brothers?”

Thankfully, that wasn’t something he had to think about too much.  He frequently looked back on this day fondly, to remind himself that their family was capable of being good.

“When Floyd hatched.”  Spruce said.  “We weren’t expecting it to happen so soon.  We weren’t really ready for a baby yet. We were all so tense and anxious all the time, and it felt like nothing would ever be okay again, and then Floyd suddenly hatched.  He was just there , and it should have felt horrible.”  They should have been anxious that he hatched early.  They should have been scrambling to finish getting ready for a baby when they thought they had more time.  There should have been fighting and arguments all over the place, but there weren’t.

We all knew things weren’t good.”  Spruce said.  “But the second we saw Floyd, the second we were able to hold him, it didn’t really seem like it mattered anymore.  He was there, and we were together, and that was all that mattered.”  Spruce knew that bad things had been happening around that time.  He knew they’d been stressed.  But all he could remember was the peace and happiness he’d felt.

It hadn’t lasted.  By the time Branch came along things had fallen so far that even his hatching couldn’t fix things even temporarily.

“I just want us to be okay again.”  Spruce said.  “But I don’t know how to get there.”

Brandy pursed her lips.  “Maybe…maybe it’ll be easier to get there if you were there.”

Spruce blinked.  “There.  You think I should go home?”

“I think you want to go home.”  Brandy said gently.  “Or you wouldn’t still be calling it ‘home’.”  Oh.  Spruce hadn’t realized that he’d been doing that.

“Yeah.”  Spruce looked towards the horizon again.  Towards home.  “Maybe I do.”

Brandy very gently nudged him.  It still felt more like a push than anything, but it didn’t hurt and Spruce appreciated the gesture.  “Think on it for a few days.  You can always go home.  And you can always come back here.”

Spruce nodded.  He’d probably go home, but he wasn’t going to stay.  He couldn’t.  He just couldn’t do that to himself.  But forcing himself to stay away was also too painful.  He needed his family, but he needed his space too.  He’d been trying to choose, but why should he?  Spruce felt like Clay was trying too hard to force himself to be either serious or silly, even though both were a bit part of who he was.  He didn’t know why Clay couldn’t be both, so why couldn’t Spruce allow the same thing for himself.

He would have to figure it out, but this was for his family and himself.  The effort would be worth it.  It had to be.

Chapter Text

Clay hadn’t slept last night, and he hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of rest at a time for the past week.  He was exhausted, and the only things keeping him going were stubbornness, necessity, and far too much sugar.

He wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep for the next two or three days.  He day-dreamed about going to Floyd and having a nice long cuddle with him, because Clay always slept better when he was next to one of his brothers ,though he’d never admit it to any of them.  And he was worried about Floyd, and knew the close contact would probably do him some good too.

He tried not to think about Floyd.  It just made his stomach twist with guilt and fear, and he had way too much that he needed to do to let himself be distracted by his feelings.

They had fallen behind on schedule.  A lot of little things had delayed them.  Some had been avoidable, some hadn’t.  They’d been evacuating slowly but surely, and it had seemed like everything was going well, but now here they were, just a few days out from Trollstice, and a third of their people still needed to get safely out of the tree.

It was all coming down to the wire.  With Trollstice being so soon the bergens were watching them carefully, and they couldn’t afford to raise their suspicions.  Their evacuation groups grew smaller and smaller, so as to be less likely to be noticed.  Viva said everything would all work out, but Clay had done the math.  There would still be a few dozen trolls, at least, still around by the dawn of Trollstice.

It had already been agreed that whoever was still here by midnight before Trollstice would leave then, but they all knew that the last group leaving would be the ones in the most danger.  They should be able to get out of the tunnels with hours to spare before dawn, but it would take time to reach the first sanctuary camp, where they had defenses in place.  During the trip the trolls would be vulnerable, and the bergens could very well catch up to them.  Or they might not make it to the camp in time.

On Trollstice the refuge site would be under a curfew.  The gates would close at noon and nobody would be able to get in.  They just couldn’t afford to have any stragglers lead the bergens right to a good number of the troll population.  So if somebody was separated from the group they had until noon to get to the camp, otherwise they were on their own until sunset three days later.  Only then would the gates open again.

Clay hoped there wouldn’t be anybody left behind, but it was a very real possibility.  It was something they needed to be prepared for.  They made sure that everybody knew and understood the rules, and with how many trolls were evacuating that night Clay was worried that there would be at least a few who needed them.

He should have planned for this beforehand.  They should have sent out evacuation groups at a higher frequency earlier, but he’d been too worried about being noticed.  He should have had John Dory or somebody set out locations along the path where there would be simple survival supplies, but the thought of there being stragglers hadn’t even occurred to Clay until a few weeks ago.  And he’d been far too busy trying to play catch-up to add something else onto his list.

Viva had been trying to get him to take a break, but he really couldn’t afford to.  There was just too much work to do, and he loved Viva, but Clay knew that she wasn’t going to step up and do it.  She was already doing more than she felt comfortable with.  She was doing an incredible job, and Clay was proud of her, but he couldn’t expect her to pick up his slack just because he was tired.  No.  He needed to keep going.  It was just for a little bit longer.

He was falling asleep where he stood though.  Clay was just too tired, and he was sick of it.  He groaned and pushed himself away from his desk.  He couldn't believe he was thinking this for even a moment, but if he had to read or write for one more minute he would end up falling asleep.  He needed to get up and move around at least a little bit before he couldn’t help but doze off.

Viva had been getting after him for how much caffeine he’d been taking in these past several days, which was rich coming from her.  Still, she was taking a nap right now, so she wouldn’t notice if he grabbed a drink when went out to patrol the tree.

He hated that this had become one of his jobs, but it was a very important one.  Unfortunately, Clay wasn’t the only one who had done the math about how many trolls were still in the tree and how long it would take to evacuate everybody remaining.  Trolls were scared, and Clay couldn’t blame them.  Still, it complicated things.  Trolls vanished in the middle of the night, taking it upon themselves to evacuate the tree while they still could.

When it had first started Clay had been scared that the missing trolls had been caught by bergens who were trying to get a jump-start on Trollstice.  It wouldn’t be the first time.  He hadn’t even considered that the trolls had left of their own will until he received a note from John Dory, reporting that some more trolls had arrived at the camp that they hadn’t been expecting.

Trolls just kept disappearing after that.  Not a lot, maybe two or three every few days, but Clay needed to keep track of who they still had left.  He didn’t want to leave anyone behind because he’d thought they had already left.

So whenever Clay had a moment to breathe, or when he was having a particularly difficult time focusing, he would go through the Troll Tree and look for anybody that might have vanished, making careful note of it so he would know exactly who he needed to watch for at the camp, and who he needed to worry about on Trollstice.

He stopped for a second to get himself something to drink, as well as some food because it was midafternoon and he hadn’t had anything to eat all day.  He ate and drank as he patrolled.  Everything seemed fine so far.  You know, other than everybody looking jumpy and nervous, and the fact that the tree was eerily empty, and maybe it was just poor lighting, but everybody looked just a bit more dull in color than they were supposed to be.

Okay, nothing was fine.  Nothing was fine at all.  But he was halfway through his patrol and everybody so far was present and accounted for.

Clay finished his meager meal.  He had hoped that walking around and getting something to eat would give him his energy back, but if anything he felt worse.  The food wasn’t sitting well with him, and his legs were shaking a bit.  He found a sunny patch and sat down.  He really didn’t want to rest, but he didn’t have much of a choice.  He just couldn’t keep going.

He laid down and just tried to relax, but he couldn’t do that either.  He was tense, he was scared, and breathing for a minute did not make him feel better.  It just deprived his mind of a proper distraction, giving the frightening thoughts a chance to catch up and make him feel like he was failing everybody.

His lack of foresight was the reason why their people were still here instead of all safe.  He was the reason why Floyd was still at the tree, even though basically everybody else his age had already left.  He felt like an awful brother because of it, but he hadn’t known what else to do.  He hadn’t seen a better solution, and that was also his own fault.

He had wanted to be taken seriously.  He had thought that responsibility was how he got it.  He had responsibility, but he felt like he wasn’t being taken seriously at all.  He had to fight so hard to get anybody to listen to him.  He had to make tough decisions that broke his heart, and it didn’t feel like his sacrifices meant anything at all, because those who didn’t listen to him still didn’t listen to him, no matter how much he tried to prove himself.

He didn’t want the responsibility.  He really didn’t.  John Dory had always made it seem manageable.  He made it seem hard, but like something that Clay could handle with ease.  Now he knew he really couldn’t.  He couldn’t get Viva to focus.  He couldn’t save the trolls in the tree..  He couldn’t even help his brother.

“Hey, Clay.”  He jolted when he heard a voice that definitely shouldn’t be there.  He sat up with a jerk, almost slamming his head against Spruce’s.

“Dude!”  Clay’s voice trembled just a little bit.  He was too tired and stunned to hide it.  “What are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too.”  Spruce sat down next to him.  “You look like crap.”

Clay scowled.  His older brothers had always had a gift at making him feel worse when he already felt really low.  “Thanks.”  He muttered.  He sighed and laid his arm over his eyes.  He knew it was really dramatic and childish, but he really didn’t care.  Spruce probably thought he was dramatic and childish already.  Acting like it wouldn’t make his view of him any worse.

“Dude, I’m serious, are you okay?”  Spruce put an arm on his shoulder.  Clay wanted to shrug it off, but he leaned into the hold instead.

“I’m tired.”  Clay said.  “You have no idea how much I have to do.” 

“Yeah, I bet.”  Spruce said.  His tone wasn’t teasing.  He sounded serious.  Concerned.  Clay opened his eyes and looked at his brother, who was giving him a soft look.  Clay wasn’t used to his older brothers looking at him like this.  That was the look Spruce reserved for Branch, who was a baby, and Floyd, who was just so sensitive.  Clay had never really needed to be treated so carefully.  He had always been independent and able to take care of himself.

But he wasn’t just responsible for himself now.  He had to be responsible for so many other trolls, and it was too much, and now he really couldn’t take care of himself either.

Clay rubbed his eyes.  He wasn’t crying.  He wasn’t.  He was just too tired.  “What are you doing here?”  Clay knew he had written to Spruce.  He couldn’t remember exactly what he had said, besides telling him about Trollstice, but he was pretty sure that he had said something about not coming here himself.  And yet here he was.

“I was worried about you guys.”  Spruce said.  “And you know, seeing you like this isn’t making me feel too much better.  You look like you’re about to collapse.”

“I’m already laying down.”  Clay said dully.  Spruce snorted.

“You know what I mean.”  Spruce said.  “When did you last get a full night’s sleep?”

Clay hesitated to answer.  He knew he couldn’t lie to his brother.  He’d never been able to.  But he couldn’t just tell him the truth.  Unfortunately, Clay’s silence was answer enough.  Spruce gave him a sad look that wasn’t quite disappointment, but was close enough to make Clay raise his hackles.

“Dude.”  Spruce sighed.  “You need to rest.”

“I need to get back to work.”  Clay tried to stand up, but he felt like he suddenly weighed a ton.  He couldn’t get up.  Clay groaned and just flopped back down again.  “As soon as I rest my eyes for five minutes or something.”

“Clay.”  Spruce’s stern voice made Clay flinch.  He didn’t want to anger his brother.  Not again.  “Look at yourself.  You’ve literally driven yourself to the ground.”

“I don’t have time to rest.”  Clay said.  “There’s too much to do, and if I don’t do it it’s just not going to get done.”  He tried to say it logically.  He was just trying to state facts.  But tears were falling from his eyes now, before he could even try to stop them.  He didn’t want to bring his emotions into this discussion.  Feeling overwhelmed was not a compelling argument.

Spruce just gave him a sad look.  He scooted closer to Clay, effortlessly pulling him closer so that Clay was laying on him.  Spruce spread his hair out, wrapping it around Clay, whose eyes drooped.  Being wrapped in the hair of a loved one was one of the emotionally safest places for a troll to be. 

Young trolls could easily be put at ease with this simple gesture.  Clay hated how nice this felt.  He was too old and strong to be affected so much by something like this.  He couldn’t help but lean into it.  He already felt like he was half asleep.

“Dude,”  Clay whined.  “Stop.”

“Five hours.”  Spruce said.  “Tell me everything you want to get done in five hours, and I’ll take care of all of it.”

Clay blinked.  It took him a long moment to realize what his brother had said.  “You…what?”

“Let me do your job for you just for a little bit.”  Spruce said.  “I’ll take care of things, and you can sleep.”  And it was so incredibly tempting.  Clay knew he should refuse, because there was far too much he needed to do.  But he couldn’t focus.  He really couldn’t do this anymore.

Clay sighed.  He took his list of trolls and offered it to his brother.  “I was trying to check if everybody that should still be in the tree is still here.  Trolls keep sneaking out before it’s their turn to leave.  I don’t blame them, I just need to know who’s here.  We don’t want anybody to get left behind.”

“I hear you.”  Spruce said.  He looked at the list and Clay let himself doze for just a second.  Maybe it was okay to let his big brother take over for a little bit.  Maybe not for five hours, but a little bit.  He must’ve been really tired because he started drifting off almost immediately.  It wasn’t long before he felt Spruce’s body stiffen beneath him.
“Dude,”  Spruce’s tone was stiff.  “Why’s Floyd still here?”

Clay groaned and pulled away from his older brother.  He hated the loss of his brother’s comfort, but he couldn’t do this.  “Don’t even start.”  He was already beating himself up about this whole thing with Floyd.  He didn’t need Spruce to get mad at him again for not being a good enough big brother.

“Clay!”  Spruce nearly growled.  Clay wrapped his arms around himself.

“Don’t.”  That was the only argument that Clay could make.  He hated the way his voice cracked.  All it did was make him sound weak and emotional.  It wouldn’t convince Spruce of anything.

Clay swallowed thickly.  “I don’t want Floyd to be here.  I wanted him to be part of one of the earliest evacuation groups.  He should have left, but…but…”  His voice trailed off and now he was crying again.  He hated this.  Clay sniffled and shook his head.

“...Bro?”  Spruce’s voice was soft and gentle again.  “What happened?”

Clay took in a shuddered breath.  “There were some trolls that, uh, thought that it was a pretty big coincidence that Branch and Grandma got to be some of the very first to be evacuated, and that John Dory was one of the trolls being trusted to lead people out.”

“A coincidence.”  Clay wasn’t looking at Spruce, but he could hear the scoff in his tone.  “What’s coincidental about babies and sick trolls being evacuated first?”

Clay shrugged.  He didn’t get it.  “I knew they were wrong, but I also knew they wouldn’t change their mind, and it would be a waste of time to even try.  But…but I needed them to listen to me.  Because if they didn’t listen to me then maybe they wouldn’t go along with the plan, and if we didn’t have everybody’s cooperation then we would never get anywhere.”

He felt Spruce’s hand on his shoulder again.  He felt a very small pull backwards, and he just gave into it.  He let Spruce turn him around and hug him.  And he felt like that just broke him.  Clay whimpered and leaned against his older brother.

“I-I should have done something else.”  Clay said.  “I know I should have, but I didn’t know how.  All I could do was ask what they wanted me to do.  And they said…They said that I needed to stop prioritizing my family.  That I couldn’t ask anybody else to put themselves or their family in danger unless I was willing to risk myself.  Or my family.”

Spruce growled again.  Clay whimpered and tried to pull back, but his brother tightened his hold on him, pulling him closer.  “You never should have been put in that position.”

“I know I’m supposed to protect Floyd.”  Clay said weakly.  “But I don’t…I don’t know how to do that anymore.”  He really didn’t.  He felt so lost and confused.  The work he was doing made sense, but it was far too exhausting.

“You’re doing just fine.”  Spruce said quietly.  “You’re doing your best.”

“But it’s not good enough!”  Clay squeezed his eyes shut tight to try to get rid of those stupid tears.  He wasn’t supposed to be the sensitive one.   He was better than this.  “I’m not good enough!”  If he was he would know how to balance his work with his relationships with his brothers.  He would know how to get everybody out of the Troll Tree with time to spare, and keep his brother safe at the same time.  

“You are.”   Spruce said fiercely.  “You will always be good enough, and if you ever fall a little short, well, it’s okay to ask for help.”  He gave Clay a squeeze.  “Let me help.  Please.  Give yourself a break and let me do something.”

Clay shook and leaned against Spruce, giving a small nod.  “Please.  I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can.”  Spruce said.  “You just don’t have to do it alone.”  He pulled back slightly to give Clay a kiss on the forehead.  He brushed his tangled hair back.  “You’re doing a good job, bro.  Just let me take over for a little bit.”

“I’m so tired.”  Clay muttered.

“I can tell.”  Spruce said.  “Look, go find Floyd.  Take a nap.  And we’ll talk more tonight, okay?”

“M’kay.”  Clay said quietly.  Spruce gave him one more squeeze before letting him go.

“Everything’s going to be just fine.”  Spruce said.  “I promise.”  And Clay couldn’t help but believe him.  He let his older brother walk away and get to work.  Clay hadn’t told him anything else that needed to be done, but Spruce was a master at seeing where there was a problem and trying to fix it.  Even if he didn’t do what Clay would have wanted to do, he would do something.  And maybe he’d be able to fix problems that Clay wouldn’t have even seen until it was too late.  That would be nice.

Even though it felt really wrong, Clay made his way to Everett and Payton’s place.  They weren’t there, probably out running errands to get ready for the evacuation.  Shade and Link were playing a game together, but they let Clay in and said that Floyd was in the bedroom, napping.

Maybe Clay should be concerned that his brother was asleep in the middle of the day, but it really wasn’t a surprise.  Floyd was very empathetic.  He was hyper-aware of other’s emotions.  Everybody had been so stressed these past several days, and Floyd was picking up on all of it.  It was draining on Clay, and he wasn’t half as sensitive and emotional as Floyd was.  If Clay needed a nap then Floyd definitely did. 

He didn’t wake his brother.  It just didn’t seem right.  Instead Clay just gave Floyd a nudge, scooting him over.  He climbed into the bed next to him and sighed contently when Floyd instinctively curled up against him.

“You’re going to be okay, bro.”  Clay said tiredly.  He pulled the blanket over the two of them, already feeling himself dozing off.  He felt comfortable and safe, and for the first time in a long time his mind was mercifully blank.  He didn’t need to worry about Trollstice, because he knew he could count on Spruce to take care of things for a little bit.  All he needed to worry about was the little brother who was safe and content in his arms.  Spruce was right.  Everything was going to be fine.  

Clay closed his eyes and finally just let himself go to sleep.

Chapter Text

Floyd felt a bit like he was in a dream.  He was having a hard time remembering when he hadn’t felt like this.  He knew the slightly floaty feeling and the painful pit in his stomach wasn’t always there, but it had definitely been hitting him more and more, and whenever he was feeling it he felt like this feeling was all there ever was.

He was so tired all the time, and it didn’t make any sense because he felt like all he did anymore was sleep.  He hadn’t gone to school in a month, because he kept falling asleep in class and Payton thought it would be better if he stayed home.  Everett had taken him to the doctor to see if he was getting sick or something, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with him.  The doctor said he was just tired and kinda sad.

Floyd didn’t really understand why the doctor had said that.  He had a lot of experience feeling sad, and this wasn’t it.  He didn’t know what this was.  He was sleepy and kinda numb, and he felt emotionally heavy, but he wasn’t sad.

He knew Payton and Everett were worried.  He’d heard them talking about bringing this up to Clay or writing to John Dory.  Floyd was relieved that they’d decided against it, or at least they’d decided to wait.  He hadn’t seen Clay a lot lately.  He’d seen his brother around a little, but Clay had been so busy and clearly stressed.  He didn’t need the additional stress of babysitting Floyd, trying to figure out what was wrong with him when even the doctors couldn’t figure it out.

Maybe John Dory would know, because he always seemed to know everything.  But he was still busy doing that favor for Clay, and Floyd didn’t want to bother him.  He could wait.  Trollstice was just tomorrow, and he could talk to his brothers after that.  Payton and Everett kept saying things would be better after Trollstice, and who was Floyd to question them?

Just one more night.  He’d see his brothers tomorrow, and everything would feel normal again.  Floyd would be able to get some advice about how to move on without them, because he was still having a hard time figuring that part out.  He tried, but whenever he told himself that he could learn how to be okay without his brothers the thought would cross his mind that one of these times when they left it would be the last time he would ever see them, and the dark feeling in his stomach would just grow and grow until he was overcome with a powerful sense of fear that didn’t go away until he was able to push those thoughts to the back of his mind.

He just wasn’t ready to think about it.  Maybe they had tips and tricks on how he could, because he didn’t know how to go on like this.

As fuzzy as everything felt, Floyd always knew what day it was and how soon Trollstice was.  It seemed like it was the only thing that made sense anymore.  Everything else just kinda swam around in his head.  He had to try really hard to not think about what would make sense once Trollstice was over.  That would just have him panicking again.

Everybody around the troll tree was anxious about the ‘holiday’.  They always were.  It felt different this year, but Floyd thought maybe it only seemed that way because he himself was feeling worse.  He was always extra sensitive to intense feelings of those around him when he was already upset, and yet he had a more difficult time understanding just how others were feeling, because his own feelings were so loud.  It was very confusing and overwhelming.

Floyd had started to avoid going out into town..  It was just too much.  He would rather stay inside and take a nap.  Sometimes when Everett and Payton thought he was having an especially bad day, even though he didn’t really feel any different, they would give him cuddles and it felt really nice.  It wasn’t as good as cuddles from his brothers, and it didn’t really make him feel better, but it was still nice.

Shade and Link didn’t seem to know what to do with him.  They kept on hanging out with him more, and Floyd liked their company, but Floyd knew that they were doing it out of obligation.  They also thought he was sad, and they wanted to do something to make him feel better.  Floyd appreciated it, but he didn’t really like the knowledge that they wouldn’t be doing this if he could just get his own feelings, or lack of feelings, under control.  Would he be playing boardgames with Shade or reading camping books with Link if he wasn’t like this?

Floyd would have to figure out how to make things up to them when he was better.

As tired as he was, he didn't really plan on sleeping today.  He was too excited and nervous about tomorrow.  He spent the entire morning packing for a camping trip.  He didn’t know if he’d be able to go camping with John Dory right after Trollstice, but who knows?  Maybe John Dory would be up for it, and if he was then Floyd wanted to be ready.

Even if he wasn’t going camping he still had things he needed to bring when he met up with his brothers on Trollstice.  He had stuff to quietly entertain himself, which was a necessity for every Trollstice.  He was also bringing presents he had made for his brothers.  After all, Branch gave him a bunch of fun crafts that he’d made at daycare.  Clay got Floyd treats nearly every time they saw each other, and he’d given him the amazing gift of new clothes that made him feel more like himself.  And both Spruce and John Dory had brought home souvenirs last time they’d seen each other.  Floyd wanted to make gifts for his brothers too.

He wasn’t great at crafting, but he’d tried.  He’d made macramé bracelets for Branch and Clay, just like they’d helped him do for Grandma.  He had worked and reworked them until they were just right.  Payton had helped him to bake some cookies for Spruce.  His older brother liked food, especially sweet things.  Floyd had always liked helping him in the kitchen, but this was his first time making something just for Spruce, basically on his own.

For John Dory Floyd had been working on an acoustic cover of one of his best songs.  Floyd had tried writing a song himself, but it was really hard and he just wasn’t feeling it.  Arranging one of John Dory’s songs though was something he could definitely do.

Floyd was pretty sure he had everything he needed.  He closed up his bag, grabbed his guitar, and left the bedroom.  He wasn’t planning on leaving quite yet, but he wanted his stuff near the front door.  It would make things feel more real.  He was going to be seeing his brothers tomorrow.  He knew it wouldn’t fix everything, but it had to do something, right?

Payton was cooking in the kitchen, and they turned towards him as he came in.  “Are you going somewhere?”

“Not yet.”  Floyd said.  He climbed onto a chair and reached for the bowl of nuts and berries that they always kept at the table for snacking on.  “I was going to go home tonight.”

Payton looked alarmed.  “Floyd, it’s Trollstice tonight.”

“I know.”  Floyd didn’t see the problem.  He was planning on being inside hours before dawn.  He should be safe from the bergens.  “I’m meeting up with my brothers for Trollstice.”

Payton frowned.  They didn’t look happy at all.  Floyd’s ears drooped slightly.  “What?  Did I do something wrong?”

Payton sighed and rubbed their forehead like they had a headache.  “No, kid, you didn’t do anything wrong.  I just wish you would have told us your plans sooner.  I would have panicked if you’d just disappeared yesterday and I didn’t know where you were.”

Floyd swallowed thickly.  “I didn’t think about that.”  Trollstice was a scary time.  Neighbors and friends went missing all the time, and it was a scary experience.

“You’ve had a lot on your mind lately.”  Payton took a bowl of sweet cream and set it in front of Floyd.  He grabbed a berry and dipped it in the cream, taking a big bite out of it.  So yummy.  “Just…be careful.  Stay close to your brothers.  And if you need anything at all you can always find us.”

“I will.”  Floyd promised.  Payton grimaced and gave him a tight hug.  Floyd blinked.  Payton wasn’t a hugger.  They weren’t touch-averse exactly, but they didn’t initiate hugs nearly as often as Everett did, and even Everett didn’t do hugs all that often.

“I’m sorry we haven’t been able to give you what you need.”  Payton said quietly.  Floyd felt slightly nauseous and tears came to his eyes.

“You guys are great.”  Floyd said honestly.  “He didn’t blame them for not being able to help him with what he needed, because he didn’t even know what he needed.  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, kid.”  Payton said.  Floyd snorted.  That was a lie.  There was a lot wrong with him.

“We’ll figure things out when Trollstice is over.”  Payton said.  “We’ll sit down with your brothers and talk things through.  You’re going to be okay.”  And how could Floyd not believe him?  He really wanted there to be harmony between his brothers and Everett and Payton’s family.  He felt like if he knew that his brothers liked them, and they liked his brothers, then he would feel like they were his family.  But he couldn’t get there unless there was balance.

“Take care of yourself tomorrow.”  Payton said.  Their tone of voice made it clear that they didn’t approve that Floyd was meeting up with his brothers.  Payton and Everett had never been super happy with his brothers, and Floyd had never completely understood why.  Even though they weren’t happy about Floyd’s plans they weren’t going to stop him.  They were letting him go, and Floyd appreciated it.

“Thank you.”  Floyd said quietly.  He was grateful for everything, but trying to find the words for it all was too much.  A simple thanks was all he could manage right now.

Payton seemed content to just sit there with Floyd and hold him close.  They didn’t talk anymore.  They just sat there.  Floyd didn’t doze off, but his mind drifted a lot.  It was like sleeping without losing consciousness.  He didn’t feel like they were there for too long, but eventually Payton pulled away and kissed his forehead.

“I want you safe and with your brothers before the sun sets.”  Payton said.  “Stay close to them.”

Floyd nodded.  Payton walked him to the door and helped him shoulder his bag.  “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yep.”  Floyd said confidently.  He was sure that he had far more than he needed.  He couldn’t help but keep on shoving stuff in his bag as he packed and thought about tomorrow.  “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.”  Payton muttered quietly.  Floyd left the pod and made his way to his family’s home.  It was just early in the afternoon, but Floyd saw very few trolls around.  He saw signs of people, and he heard the occasional whisper, but it looked like everybody was already starting to hunker down.  It was a little early for that, but what did Floyd know?  It wasn’t like he went out a lot the day before Trollstice.

He got home without incident.  Nobody was here, but he didn’t expect them to be.  It was still far too early.  They would be here before dawn, but that was still more than twelve hours away.  He would wait for them though, just like on Grandma’s birthday.  He curled up on the couch, just like last time.  He still felt numb and tired, but it was a feeling he was used to.  At least he wasn’t as sad as he had been, even though this dark feeling in his chest wasn’t necessarily better.  It wasn’t as strong when he was with his brothers, so at least there was a temporary end in sight.

Floyd smiled to himself.  He wasn’t feeling happy.  At times like this he wondered if he had ever actually felt happy, because he couldn’t really remember what it felt like.  He was smiling though, because he was going to see his brothers soon, and how could he not smile about that?

He had told himself that he wasn’t going to sleep today, but he was still so tired, and he didn’t have much to do but wait.  So when he started to truly doze off he didn’t fight it.  He fell asleep, content with the thought that his brothers might be there when he woke up.  They were going to be together again, and everything was going to be okay.  It had to be.

Chapter Text

It was Trollstice.  Finally.  Everybody in the tree seemed to be swimming in anxiety.  Clay was just tired.  He wasn’t scared, or paranoid, or counting down every single second they had left and how many trolls they had to get out.  He felt like maybe he should, but he was just too tired for that.  He’d made a plan, he’d made sure it was followed through up to that point, and now he was just going through the motions as he watched all of the pieces fall into place.

It wasn’t quite midnight the night before Trollstice, and the stragglers were slowly but surely making their way out.  King Peppy was leading the charge, acting as an example of bravery for all the anxious trolls.  Viva lingered behind, prepared to bring up the rear and make sure that no troll was left behind.  Clay’s position was in the middle of the tunnels, ready to help anybody who might need it during that part of the journey.  All three of them had a checklist of who had gone through the tunnels, because the only thing better than double checking something was triple checking it.

Clay knew he was probably too tired for this.  He had probably missed a troll or two on his list, not seeing them, but marking them down anyway because he definitely saw a member of their family, or he saw someone but for one reason or another didn’t mark them down.  Or maybe he marked the wrong troll.

They were sloppy mistakes that he would be beating himself up for if he wasn’t so tired.  As it was, he told himself it was fine, because Viva and Peppy both had lists of their own, and they were far more well-rested than he was.

They couldn’t leave all at once in a massive migration.  It might cause a cave-in in the tunnel or attract attention.  They moved in small groups of up to six at a time.  Sometimes one group caught up to the one in front of them, and things got a bit more crowded than was preferable, but it was manageable.

Clay estimated that he was about three quarters of the way through the list of evacuating trolls, and suspected that everybody had at least made it into the tunnels at this point, when he heard a commotion again.  He paused mid-note and turned to see two trolls pushing past the trolls that were trying to get through the tunnels.  They looked concerned and a little panicked, and that made the trolls they had just pushed past get worked up.  Some of them were arguing about whether to fall back and find a new way out, because obviously something had gone wrong up ahead, or if they should keep going and get out as soon as possible.  Clay had to step in.

“Nobody’s going back.”  Clay said.  It would just clog up the tunnels, and obviously cause panic.  He looked at the two trolls who had come back and felt his breath get caught in his throat when he recognized Link and Everett.  He desperately wanted to ask where the rest of their family was.  Where Floyd was, but he needed to stay focused on the task at hand.

“Is there danger up ahead?”  Clay asked.  Link seethed and opened his mouth to answer, but Payton spoke up first.

“No danger.”  Everett said confidently.  “Everything’s fine.”  That was good enough for the other trolls.  They started scurrying ahead, desperate to get out of the tunnels.  Clay knew he should talk to them about calming down before they worked everybody ahead into a frenzy, but his focus was diverted.  He’d done his job, and now there was something else that needed his attention.

“Is Floyd okay?”  Clay asked.  He couldn’t imagine why else they would hurry back here.  Link’s eyes widened and he stared at Clay in shocked horror.  Everett put a hand on his son’s shoulder, his eyes narrowed in something that was a cross between a determined stare and a glare.

“Shouldn’t you know?”  Everett asked slowly.  Dangerously.  Clay felt that numbness that he’d been feeling so far start to slip away, replaced by a chilling fear.

“Where is he?”  Clay barely kept himself from breaking down.  He wanted to cry, or scream, or start yelling at Everett to just tell him what was going on.  “What’s wrong?”

Everett tightened his grip on Link’s shoulder, and Clay thought for a second that he wanted to hit him.  “What’s wrong is that you are asking about Floyd in the first place.”

“He’s my brother.”  Clay snapped.  He knew that Payton and Everett didn’t really like him very much, and he kinda understood why, but they had no right to tell him that he couldn’t ask about his brother.  

“Then why isn’t he with you?!”  Everett yelled, his voice equal parts fear and anger.  “He told us he was spending Trollstice with his brothers.  With you.”

Clay felt a chill go down his spine.  “What?”  He said breathlessly.  

“He left before sunset.”  Link said quietly.  “Didn’t…didn’t he meet up with you?”

“I-I…no.”  Clay said.  “I-is he with Spruce?”  His older brother was helping with the evacuation.  He was waiting at the tunnel exit, keeping watch for trouble and making sure everything went smoothly.  Clay liked to think that Spruce would have mentioned something about Floyd being with him, but maybe it had just slipped his mind.

“That’s what we thought when we didn’t see him with you.”  Everett said.  “But he wasn’t with Spruce either.  So where is he?”

“I-I don’t…”  Clay looked behind him, where he could see the next group coming.  They should be one of the last ones.  It should be a relief to see them, but Clay was just scared.  Almost everybody was out of the tree, but for all he knew his little brother was still in there.  And what if Everett and Link hadn’t come back to check?  Looking at his list, Clay had marked Floyd down on his list.  He hadn’t actually seen him.  He couldn’t have.  He’d seen Payton, and his mind had just told him that the rest of his family, and Floyd, were with him.

He should have been positive.  He should have personally made sure that Floyd had come through the tunnel.  And now…now…

“Go back to Payton and Shade.”  Clay forced himself to say.  He dropped his list, not even checking down who was just coming down the tunnel.  “I have to…I’m going back for him.”

“Clay.”  Everett grabbed his arm.  It was a surprisingly gentle hold.  “Be careful.  Find him.  Keep him safe.”  Clay nodded.  Everett released him, and Clay ran off as soon as he could, almost running down the approaching trolls.  He really didn’t care.  All he could think about was that he didn’t know where Floyd was or if he was safe.

He ran so fast that he nearly stumbled and fell multiple times as he ran.  He’d never felt so desperate and scared in his life.  He knew he should be thinking clearly and rationally about this, but he couldn’t.  His brother needed him.  What else was there to think about?

He was halfway to the entrance of the tunnel when he ran right into Viva, sending them both crashing to the ground.  He tried to pick himself up and keep going, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

“Clay,”  Viva gave his hand a squeeze.  “Are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

Any grip or sense of control that he might have had collapsed in an instant.  Tears filled his eyes, and he couldn’t stop them.  He started crying, leaning against Viva as she held him tightly.  “Clay?”  Viva wrapped the ends of her hair around his.  It was a comforting gesture, but it did nothing to make him feel better.

“Floyd’s…he’s…”  He choked on his words.  “I-I don’t know where he is.”  Saying it out loud made it so much more real.  “I don’t know.  I-I don’t…”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”  Viva said, though she didn’t sound convinced at all.  “We’ll find him.  And the others.”

Clay’s ears twitched.  “Others?”

Viva hummed slightly.  “There are some other trolls that haven’t come through the tunnels.  Four or five of them.  I waited, but it doesn’t look like they’re coming.  Maybe they left earlier, sometime after your last patrol.  Maybe they’re safe.  B-but if they’re still in the tree…”

“We have to find them.”  Clay said, though he felt guilty as soon as he said it.  “But…but I have to focus on my brother.”  There was no doubt in his mind about that.  Floyd was his one and only concern right now.  He felt a bit bad that he was prioritizing a single troll over four or five others, but that single troll was his brother.   Clay had spent so much time putting their community first, and now that his brother needed him he couldn’t let him down.  Not this time.

“No, yeah, of course.”  Viva squeezed his hand.  “You take care of Floyd.  I’ll find the others.”

“Are you sure?”  Clay felt his ears droop slightly.  He was feeling so bad about so many things.  “I’m sure.”  Viva stepped back, releasing his hair.  “They’re my people.  I have a responsibility to them.  You have a responsibility to your brother.”

“We’ll meet up.”  Clay offered.  “At the end of the tunnel in an hour.”  It would give them both time to search the tree and get out long before the bergens started to gather for Trollstice.  And if one of them hadn’t found who they were looking for, or they found someone they weren’t looking for, they could update the other so that they were needlessly panicking and wasting time.

“One hour.”  Viva nodded.  She kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair.  “Good luck.”  And she dashed back down the tunnel before he could even think of getting another word out.

“Good luck.”  He muttered, even though she was too far to hear him.  He ran off after her, his mind racing.  He didn’t know where to begin looking for his brother.

Well, that really wasn’t true.  Clay knew where to start, but he didn’t know where to go from there.  Floyd’s safe space was their family pod.  He’d told Everett and Payton that he would be with his brothers during Trollstice.  It would make sense for him to have gone home.  And it was late at night, so maybe he’d just gotten careless and fallen asleep, losing track of time.  It was a logical possibility that should make Clay feel better, but it did little to calm him.  Floyd wasn’t really a rational and logical troll.  He was an emotional one, and Clay never knew what was going through his head.  Why had he told the others he was meeting up with his brothers when this was the first that Clay was hearing about it?  Surely if John Dory had made that arrangement with Floyd then he would have taken him out of the tree ages ago, regardless of what Clay might think about it.

Maybe he really was with Spruce, and the others had just somehow missed him, but if there was even the smallest possibility that he wasn’t , that he was here in the tree, then it was Clay’s job to make sure that he was okay.  If he was at the family pod, great.  If he wasn’t…well, then Clay would have no idea where to even begin to look for him, and that possibility terrified him.  He tried not to think about it.  Floyd was probably just home, safe and sound, and Clay would have him in his arms in just a few minutes.  And then everything would be just fine.

The family pod was not far away.  It only took a few minutes to get there.  But it felt like an eternity to Clay.  Every minute stretched on for forever.  Finally, after far too long, he could see their family home.  Clay hurried inside and felt a massive weight lift off his chest when he immediately saw his little brother curled up on the couch, sleeping peacefully, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Clay started crying again.  He practically threw himself at his brother in his desperation to hold him.  To touch him.  To make sure he was really there.  He clung to Floyd, sobbing as his brother muttered sleepily and curled into him.

“You’re okay.”  Clay said frantically.  “You’re okay.  You’re here.  I’m here.”

“Hmm.”  Floyd blinked blurrily and rubbed his eyes.  “C-Clay.  You’re here.”  Floyd clung  to him, sniffling and crying.  

“Yeah, I’m here.”  Clay rubbed Floyd’s arms.  He felt incredibly raw.  He’d been so scared.  Now that he could see that Floyd was okay he felt all of his anxiety get redirected, shifting into an emotion that was much easier for him to handle.

“Dude!”  Clay pulled away from Floyd and hit his arm in a way that was just a little too harsh to be a friendly brotherly gesture.  Floyd flinched and tried to cringe away, but Clay grabbed his arm, gripping it far too tightly, right where he’d hit his brother.

“Ow.”  Floyd whined.  “Clay, that hurt.”

“Yeah, it was supposed to.”  Clay hissed.  Floyd gave him a betrayed look that he had to try really hard to not be affected by.  He’d nearly had a heart attack because of this whole mess, and Floyd was just sitting here acting like nothing was wrong.  “What are you doing here?!  Do you have any idea how worried I was when I realized you weren’t with Everett and Payton?  Do you know how worried they are?”

Floyd’s brow furrowed.  “I told them where I was going.”

“You should have stayed with them.”  Clay snapped.  Floyd’s face got a bit scrunched up.  

“But we always spend Trollstice together as a family.”  Floyd said, whining again.  Clay was getting sick and tired of that tone of his.  Their lives were all in danger, and Floyd wanted to play happy family.

“Some things are more important than pretending we all get along.”  Clay said harshly.  “You can’t just act like everything’s fine and normal, because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s not.”

Floyd looked like he was either going to start wailing or screaming.  Clay didn’t really know if he was sad or angry, or maybe he was both.  But either way this wasn’t the right time for it.  When Floyd got particularly upset he got loud, and Clay had never been any good at getting him to calm down and be quiet.  He needed to nip this in the bud before it even started.

He tightened his grip even more on Floyd’s arm, feeling equal amounts of guilt and satisfaction when his brother made a yelp of either shock or pain.  It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt his brother, but Floyd was being such a brat today.

Clay all but yanked Floyd out of the pod.  They needed to get away from the tree.  Maybe they could meet up with Viva.  Now that Clay knew his brother was okay he could help her look for the other trolls.  And maybe she could talk to Floyd, because Clay had no idea what he was doing.

“Clay, wh-ow!”  Floyd squirmed and twisted, trying to get out of his grip.  Clay just held on tighter.  He wasn’t risking letting his brother go.  “Stop!”  His cry wasn’t too loud, but it was piercing.   Clay felt a rush of fear.  They were outside now.  The bergens should be asleep, but there were always guards around the tree on the night before Trollstice, there to make sure nobody tried to escape.  Clay had heard about trolls getting snatched up by the guards if they were too loud during the night.  They were so close to getting out, but they weren’t safe yet.

“Shut up.”  Clay said as harshly as he could in a hushed voice.  Floyd either didn’t hear him or somehow didn’t care.  He let out a shout of frustration, definitely louder this time than before, and Clay’s fear and frustration spiked.

“I said shut it! ”  Clay yanked Floyd closer, nearly crushing his arm.  Floyd tried to cry out, but Clay slammed his other hand over his mouth, doing it with so much urgency that it was nearly a slap, and he really did feel bad about that, but he was at his wits end.  Clay faced his brother, practically looming over him even though they were practically the same height.

“I’m trying to keep us alive right now.”  Clay’s voice was quiet, but far from calming and gentle.  He was scared out of his mind, and it was so much easier to cling to his anger than give in to the crippling fear.  “And you’re making it very hard right now.  I need you to be quiet.  If you don’t stop, the bergens are going to find us, and they’re going to eat us.”  And Clay was feeling very tired and petty right now, and he’d never been very good at knowing how to stop when he was ahead.

“Or maybe I’ll just let the bergens take you.”  Clay said.  “At least it’ll be quieter and I wouldn’t have to worry about dragging you around anymore.”  He knew it was needlessly cruel, and it was a threat he’d never follow through with, but John Dory had said that kind of thing to Clay before when he wouldn’t stop trying to pick a fight on Trollstice.  But Clay wasn’t John.  And Floyd definitely wasn’t Clay.  He was far more sensitive.

Floyd’s eyes widened and immediately welled with tears.  He started sniffling and Clay could feel him trembling.  This wasn’t good.  This wasn’t good at all.

“I’m sorry!”  Clay said quickly, feeling like a little kid all over again, when he would play too rough with his little brothers and accidentally hurt them, and he needed to hurry and apologize before their older brothers found out and he got in trouble.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean-”  He trailed off as he brought his hand away from Floyd’s mouth, only for his little brother to start bawling.

This was not good.  The bergens were going to hear them.  They could hide, but what if the bergens found Viva or one of the others?  Clay’s stomach twisted at the thought of someone getting eaten because he couldn’t stop being an idiot for two seconds.

Clay knew from experience that there was no point in trying to get Floyd to stop crying.  Listening to Floyd, it was clear that this had been building up for a long time, and he just couldn’t keep it in anymore.  He just had to cry himself out.  But they couldn’t afford to do that today.  Not when the bergens were out there, just waiting to catch them.

Clay looked around anxiously, his head spinning.  He needed time to let Floyd calm down, but time was something they didn’t have.  At least, not in the tree.  If they were away from the tree though they could have all the time they needed.

They needed to get out.

Clay grimaced and pulled Floyd back inside the pod.  He finally let go of his brother’s arm, cringing when Floyd wrapped his arms around himself and started rocking back and forth as he cried.  Oh, this was bad .  Clay would have to make it up to him later, but he really couldn’t afford to right now.

“Just…just hang on for a few seconds.”  Clay got Floyd settled on the couch.  “I’ll be right back, okay?  I promise.  I’m just going into our room.”  Floyd didn’t react.  He just cried.  Clay didn’t know if it was a good sign or not that his crying didn’t get worse when he was left alone.

Clay went to where he kept his spare notebooks, grabbing one and quickly writing out a message to Viva.  He would leave it at the entrance to the tunnel.  He told her he had Floyd, but they wouldn’t be able to meet up at the exit, but they’d see her at the refugee camp.

It would just be too risky to get to the exit.  It was too close to the tree.  To Bergen Town.  And if they heard Floyd crying it would lead bergens right to them, and Clay couldn’t risk anybody else’s safety.

He’d get Floyd away from the tree and somewhere safe, but until he calmed down and was able to keep quiet they couldn’t be around the others.  Clay was sure that Viva would understand.

He ripped the page out of the notebook and returned to Floyd, who was sitting exactly where he’d left him.  Clay took his brother’s hand, holding it a lot more gently than before, and they left the pod again.  This time Floyd went without resisting.  He was completely pliant, even if he was dragging his feet quite a bit.

He was shutting down something awful, but his crying didn’t get any quieter.  It was the worst of both worlds, and Clay cursed the unfortunate timing, but what could they do?

He brought Floyd to the tunnel entrance, leaving the note for Viva.  He then brought his brother  to one of the furthest branches in the tree.  It was dangerous here.  Very dangerous.  Trolls tried hard to avoid these branches, because they were sparse.  It was far too easy for a bergen to just reach up and grab somebody.

However, these branches also made a good escape if somebody knew what they were doing.  Clay wasn’t necessarily the best at traversing these branches, but he knew how to do it.  He’d seen John Dory do it often enough.  That was how his brother used to get down from the tree when he went on his camping trips.

Clay understood the theory of it, and under normal circumstances he would be confident in his ability to do it.  However, it was Trollstice.  There were guards and more hopeful, hungry bergens below than usual.  And he had a little brother who was crying loud enough to wake up all of Bergen Town.  These were far from normal circumstances.

But he didn’t know what else to do.

“Okay, Floyd, buddy, this is really important.”  Clay said to his brother when they reached the right branch.  He crouched and extended his hair up and out, making a bit of a barrier around them.  It should act as camouflage for a bit, and he hoped that it might muffle Floyd’s cries even just a little.  “We’re going to get out of this tree, and then everything’s going to be okay, but I need you to try to be quiet for just a few minutes, okay?  Just a little bit.”  As soon as they were on the ground and could run and hide safely Clay thought they would be fine.  Getting to the ground was the hard part.  He would have to lower them down with his hair, and they would be very vulnerable during that time.

Floyd sniffled and seemed to try to hold his breath, but he was still crying and gasping.  Trying to be quiet just made it worse.  And then Floyd started crying harder, probably because he felt bad that he couldn’t do what he’d been asked.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”  Clay gave Floyd a hug and a bit of a nuzzle.  “You’re not in trouble.  I promise.  We’re going to be okay.”  He kissed Floyd’s forehead.  “And I’m not going to let any bergen eat you.”

Floyd was still crying, but it was time to go.  The longer they were in the tree the more time they gave the bergens to notice them.  Clay moved Floyd around so he was giving him a piggy-back ride.  He wrapped his arms around Floyd’s legs, trying to get a good grip on him.  He wanted to use his hair to secure him, but he would need his hair to lower them down to the ground.  This would have to do.

Clay took a deep breath and lifted the hair shield.  Floyd buried his head against Clay’s shoulder.  He was trying so hard.  Clay ran to the edge of the branch.  He wrapped his hair around the branch, adjusted his grip on Floyd, and jumped down.  They freefell as far as he dared before he tightened his hair hold, holding it taut.  They didn’t even dangle for a moment before he slowly started to extend his hair, carefully lowering them down.  His hair could only stretch so far, but he was ready for it.

Clay looked down and could see the little foothold and handle that John Dory had drilled into the tree ages ago, so he could get a new grip and lower himself the rest of the way down.

John Dory’s hair had always been able to stretch more than Clay’s could.  He wasn’t at the foothold, and he would strain his hair if he tried to reach it.  He had known this would happen.  He had a plan for it.  He was a bit scared, but he was even more scared of just hanging here and waiting to be caught.

“Just keep your eyes closed.”  Clay muttered to Floyd.  “We’re almost there.”   He took a few calming breaths before he quickly released about a third of his hair from the branch up above.  He aimed that hair towards the troll-made handle, holding on tightly.  When he was sure of his grip he squeezed his eyes shut tight and released the rest of his hair from the branch.  They started falling again, but only for a brief instant.  Clay was able to get the rest of his hair to meet up with the strands on the handle, so now he had a sure grip on that.

Clay let out a shuddered breath as he quickly lowered them the rest of the way down.  The bergen guards weren’t patrolling this side of the tree, because they rarely did.  They got to the ground unnoticed and Clay immediately pulled his hair back and ran for the nearby sewage drain.  It was terrifying, running in the middle of the street in Bergen Town, but it only took a minute for him to run from the tree to the drain, lift the cover, and crawl inside, pulling the cover back on behind him.  Nobody noticed them.

At least for now they were in the clear.

“Okay, I think we’re okay now.”  Clay loosened his grip on Floyd, who immediately climbed off his back and stumbled a few steps away from him.  He was still trembling.  Clay tried to reach for him to offer comfort, but Floyd pulled back with a hiss.  He tried really hard to glare at Clay, but he was too upset to pull off the intimidating look

“L-leave me a-alone.”  Floyd growled.

“I’m sorry.”  Clay said sincerely.  “I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry, okay?”

Floyd shook his head and took another step back from him, and Clay couldn’t blame him.  That was fair.  It wasn’t okay at all.

“I-I don’t g-g-get it.”  Floyd hiccupped.  The kid needed to breathe before he hurt himself.  “I don’t…I don’t…”  He broke off with a keening whine as he buried his face in his hands and shook his head so much that it looked like he was going to give himself whiplash.  Clay knew he probably shouldn’t, but he reached for his brother again, wanting to give him comfort.

“Careful.”  Clay said.  “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“S-stop!”  Floyd slapped Clay’s hand away.  “Stop acting like you care.”

Clay suddenly felt like he was thrown back to the night when this all started.  The night their concert went wrong and they’d all almost gone their own ways.  He’d tried to comfort Floyd that night too, and he’d failed horribly.  He was supposed to be better by now.  Taking time apart was supposed to help them to solve their own issues and be more comfortable in their identities.  When they felt more sure of themselves they were supposed to be able to get along better, because then they weren’t taking their own issues out on each other.  

But Clay felt like everything he did with Floyd was two steps forward and five steps back.

‘I do care.”  Clay said weakly.  Floyd just growled again.  “I’m serious.  I wouldn’t have come back if I didn’t care.”

“But you never come back.”  Floyd shouted at him.  “You’re always busy, and Johnny and Spruce are always gone, and it’s fine , because we’ll just hang out next time, but then next time comes and you’re busy again.”  Floyd whimpered and his ears drooped.  “Or you’re not busy and we get to hang out, but it still feels wrong, and I don’t know why.  Do you not want to be there?  I-is there something wrong with me?”  Floyd’s breathing was picking up and he sounded like he was spiraling more and more.  Clay should be calming him down, but all he could do was stand and watch as his little brother fell apart.

“I-I can’t do this.”  Floyd muttered to himself.  “I can’t.  I don’t…I don’t know what you want from me.

“I don’t want anything from you.”  Clay said.  Floyd flinched, and it took Clay far too long to realize what he’d done wrong.  When he realized it he felt horrified.  “I didn’t…Floyd, that’s not what I meant.  I don’t mean that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

“Don’t you?”  Floyd said quietly.  Clay felt like a punch in the gut would have hurt less.

“Of course not.”  Clay said.  “Bro, can we just-”

“No.”  Floyd said coldly.  It sent shivers down Clay’s spine.  Floyd finally brought his hands away from his face.  His eyes were dull, not in color, but in spirit.  He looked so tired.  He took another step away from Clay.  “I-I don’t know what game you’re playing, But I don’t want to play anymore.”

“I’m not trying to play a game with you.”  Clay said.  “Look, I know I messed up a lot, and I’ll do better.  Just give me another chance.”  

Floyd looked at him, seeming to stare into his soul.  Clay didn’t know what his brother saw, but it wasn’t anything good.  Floyd’s face fell and he shook his head again as he took another step away from Clay, and then another.  He took another three steps back before he fully turned away and just started walking off, and Clay let him, even though he felt like his heart was breaking.  He wanted to stop Floyd and hug him tightly, but he felt like he’d somehow lost the right to do so.

Floyd clearly needed some space.  It was risky to leave him alone, but the bergens shouldn’t be out and about searching for them right now.  He should know how to get to the camp by himself.  Floyd was really resourceful, and now that they were out of the tree he should be safe from the bergens at least for a few hours, until the sun rose and they realized the trolls weren’t there.  That was plenty of time for Floyd to get there.

Maybe Clay should follow him, just to make sure he was okay, but he knew Floyd wouldn’t be receptive to being followed, and he didn’t want to scare him off.

Floyd would be fine on his own.  And being alone had to be better for him than being stuck with Clay, who just felt like the worst brother in the world.  He let out a shaky breath and felt his legs give out beneath him as his anxiety and exhaustion just became too strong for him to take.  He sat on the ground and just started crying, hating himself just a little bit more with every step Floyd took  away from him.

Chapter Text

Spruce felt oddly calm.  He knew it was Trollstice, that was why he had come back here after all.  He could feel the stress of everybody around him as they panicked about the evacuation.  Those who weren’t worried about getting caught were stressed about starting over in a brand new place.

He wasn’t worried in the same way.  He knew that Clay had been working on this for months, and he’d thought of everything.  The trolls would be safe from the bergens.  They would be far away from the tree, and probably even safe in the camp, before the first rays of dawn.  It wasn’t as though bergens were known for their tracking skills.  They would be safe, and then they would just have to lay low for a few days before making their way to the new Troll Village, where John Dory was already working on getting everything set up.  Spruce didn’t see any reason to worry.  He trusted his brothers, which was a relieving feeling to have.  Before this he hadn’t been sure if he would be able to trust them with anything.  It was nice to know that he really could count on them.

Spruce was originally supposed to stay at the tunnel exits, just as another set of hands to help everybody get through.  As time went on though everybody got more and more tense and nervous.  Somebody had tripped and sprained their ankle in the tunnels in their panic to get out, and they were starting to spiral into a breakdown.  Spruce had stepped in before they could really lose it.  He picked up the hurt troll, carrying them on his back.  He joined the trolls that were on their way to the refugee camp, carrying the troll and offering encouragement to other worried trolls.

Spruce had been to the refugee camp before, escorting previous groups of trolls and checking up on the place for Clay to make sure it met his standards.  He knew the way and knew what to expect.  As far as he could see he didn’t have anything to be stressed about.

It really didn’t take too long to get to the camp.  It was a bit of a hike, but Spruce had done longer and harsher hikes than this just for fun, or to relieve some stress.  They had to move slowly and quietly, so as to not draw attention, and because it was the middle of the night they needed to tread carefully as they moved through the dark.  Still, most evacuating trolls got to the camp long before dawn.  Most trolls were too anxious to go to sleep, preferring to stay up and watch for trouble.  Spruce was too tired to not get some sleep.  He wasn’t nearly as tired as he knew Clay still had to be, but trying to relieve some of his little brother’s stress still left him feeling drained.  Spruce needed a nap, and then maybe he would have the energy to be anxious.

He went to the first shelter he could find, stumbled to an empty bed and almost immediately fell asleep.  Even though he hadn’t felt too anxious about the situation as a whole his subconscious must have felt differently because Spruce’s dreams were plagued with nightmares about bergens and his brothers.  He woke up hours later, when the sun had already risen.  He didn’t feel rested, and he felt a lingering concern about his brothers right now.  He was sure they were okay, but Spruce couldn’t help but recognize the fact that he hadn’t seen any of his brothers all day.  He just wanted to see that they were okay with his own eyes.

Grandma, John Dory, and Branch were all in Troll Village.  Spruce had to trust that they were fine, because he wouldn’t get the chance to see them for quite some time.  He could check on Floyd and Clay though.  He didn’t know exactly where they were right now but he couldn’t imagine that it would take too long to find them.  Clay was surely getting involved all around camp, and knowing Floyd he was probably trailing right behind him.  Spruce had needed a break, but now he had the responsibility to make sure his baby brothers were okay.

Spruce left the shelter and started looking around the camp.  There were anxious trolls walking around everywhere, and many of them were able to direct him to Clay, who had apparently been just sitting at the entrance to the camp for the past several hours, a blank look on his face, not moving at all.

That didn’t sound like Clay at all.  Floyd, maybe.  John Dory, sure.  But Clay?  He didn’t sit still for hours at a time, and if he was worried about something then he got up and did something about it, not sit around and just mope.  Something was wrong.

Spruce went to the front entrance and very easily found Clay.  Sure enough his brother was just standing near the gate, staring at it intently.  Spruce took a seat next to him.  “I’m surprised you’re not running around making sure everything’s in order.”  He tried to say it in a teasing way, wanting to get his brother to loosen up, but Clay just stiffened even more.

“I can’t leave until I know they’re okay.”  Clay said quietly.  Spruce blinked.  

“Who?”  He asked.  Clay grimaced.

“Floyd.  Viva.  And I guess the other trolls that didn’t get to the tunnels.”  Clay muttered.  Spruce felt like the rug was being pulled out from under him.

“Hang on, hang on, what?”  Spruce felt like his heart stopped.  “Didn’t get to the tunnels?  Where’s Floyd?”  He was supposed to be here.  Spruce hadn’t seriously considered that he wasn’t here.  If he didn’t feel so suddenly weak in the legs and breathless at the thought of his little brother not being there he would have immediately run out to go looking for him.

Clay’s ears drooped.  “I don’t know.  He was back at the tree.  Back home.  I-I don’t know why he stayed.  He said he wanted to spend Trollstice with us, but why in the world would he think we would be in the pod?  Why wouldn’t he have talked to us about this?”

Clay was obviously upset and looking for comfort and answers.  It was supposed to be Spruce’s job to provide those things, but he was feeling too lost and overwhelmed himself.

“He’s back in the tree?!”  Spruce felt like he couldn’t breathe.  Dawn had been hours ago.  Trollstice had started.  If there were any trolls in the tree they would have been found by the bergens by now, and they would have been…

“No.”  Clay said.  “He’s not there.  Me and Viva went back for any trolls that might have been left behind.  I found Floyd while she looked for the others.”  Honestly, Spruce couldn’t care less about Viva or any other troll at that moment.  His only thoughts were on his brothers.  He couldn’t afford to think about anybody else.

“I got Floyd out of the tree, but I was scared, and I said some stupid, stupid stuff, and he didn’t really want anything to do with me any more.”  There were tears falling from Clay’s eyes now, but he didn’t sound choked up.  He sounded numb.  “I thought he’d be better off if he didn’t have to be around me any more.”

Spruce’s chest tightened so much that it was physically painful.  He was worried.  He was upset.  And now he was being given reason to be furious.  That was a lot easier to cling to his anger because there was something he could do about it.

He moved without really thinking about it.  One second he was there providing emotional comfort to his brother, the next he was pushing Clay to the ground, pinning him down as he loomed over him.  Spruce didn’t like physical violence.  As angry as he’d gotten mad at his brothers he’d never really wanted to hurt them before.  At that moment he desperately wanted to hurt Clay and make him pay for hurting Floyd.

“You left him?!”  Spruce growled threateningly.  Clay looked at him with wide eyes.  He didn’t look scared, but he was very distressed.  He was crying fully now.

“I didn’t know what else to do.”  Clay sniffled.  “If I stayed with him it would have hurt him.  W-what was I supposed to do?”

“Not abandon him.”  Spruce glared at him.  “Where is he?”

“We were in the water tunnels under Bergen Town.”  Clay said.  “H-he walked away.  I don’t know where he went.  But the tunnels aren’t exactly a maze.  I’m sure he got out.  A-and I thought he would make his way here himself, because everybody knows where the camp is, and he had so long to get here.  I-I don’t know why he’s not here.”

Clay was clearly upset and he felt guilty, but Spruce didn’t have sympathy for him.  He scowled and gave Clay one more shove before getting up and storming off towards the exit.

“W-wait.”  Clay scrambled after him.  “Where are you going?”

“Where do you think?”  Spruce growled.  “I’m going after my baby brother.”

Clay made a sound like he wanted to argue.  Spruce snapped around and gave him a warning look.  Clay froze, biting his tongue.

“I’m going after him.”  Spruce repeated slowly, dangerously.

Clay swallowed thickly.  “Y-you have to be back before noon.”  He said.  “Before they close the doors, or else you won’t be let back in until Sunset in three days.”

Spruce definitely wanted to hit his brother right then.  “I’m not coming back without him.”  Spruce said seriously.  “I don’t care how long it takes.”

“B-but the bergens are out there.”  Clay said.  

“Which is why I’m going out there.”  Spruce said, and that was all he was going to say about it.  He turned away from his brother and practically ran out of the camps.  He didn’t know exactly where his brother was, but he meant what he said.  He wasn’t coming back without Floyd.

He was beyond desperate, but he knew he needed to be careful.  It was broad daylight.  He couldn’t hear any bergens at the moment, so they probably hadn’t gotten to this specific area, but he knew they were out there.  He needed to be careful.

He wrapped his arms around himself as he ran to find his brother, desperately searching, and really not knowing where to start.

“Floyd!”  He called out barely louder than a regular tone of voice.  He wanted to shout for him.  He wanted to scream.  But that would draw unwanted attention.

How was he supposed to find his brother without being noticed by the bergens?  He didn’t know what the balance was, and he really didn’t have the chance to experiment with it.

“Floyd!”  Spruce felt like he was going to start crying.  He wanted to break down and fall into despair, but he couldn’t relax.  He couldn’t stop.  He needed to get to Floyd and keep him safe.

Clay had mentioned the water tunnels.  The sewers.  That was how John Dory used to leave Bergen Town to go on his camping trips.  Clay was right.  There were only so many exit points.  Either Floyd was still in the sewers, or he had gotten out and Spruce might be able to find clues or tracks that would tell him where his brother was heading next.

The closest exit point gave no clues, but he tried hard not to stress about it.  This wasn’t the tunnel their family usually used.  He just needed to go to the exit that Floyd would actually be familiar with.  Sticking to the bushes and staying quiet.  He still couldn’t hear bergens, but he knew they were out there.  And the most likely exit that Floyd had taken was a lot closer to the town than these woods were.

Spruce had to move with care and caution.  He wanted to hurry and get out of here, but he couldn’t save Floyd if he got caught or eaten himself.  If he wasn’t careful he was going to get killed, and where would that leave Floyd?

Traveling took a lot longer than he would have liked, but moving slowly ended up being his saving grace.  If he hadn’t been paying so much attention to his surroundings he wouldn’t have heard the quiet sound of crying.

Spruce was intimately familiar with how his brother’s sobs sounded, and he’d never been more happy to hear it.

He nearly stumbled over his feet as he started running towards the sound of crying.  He couldn’t see anything.  The foliage was too overgrown.  He had to trust his ears completely, pushing past every bush and leaf with the utmost care.  He didn’t think he was quite at Floyd yet, but he thought it was better to be safe than sorry.  Troll’s hair could be so painfully sensitive, and he didn’t want to hurt his brother because he was too desperate to find him.

“Floyd?”  He called out quietly.  “Come on, Bro, talk to me, yeah?”

There wasn’t a response at first, but he waited.  He knew Floyd was there.  Spruce just needed to wait for him to be ready to talk about it.  The muffled cries continued for another minute or two, but finally there was a shuffling sound and Floyd’s head poked out from behind some leaves.  So he hadn’t hidden in his hair after all.  Spruce smiled shakily, tears falling from his eyes.  He kneeled on the ground and opened his arms.  He expected Floyd to launch himself at him, desperate for a hug, because that was how his brother was.  Floyd sniffled and crawled a little out of the leaves, but he was still half hidden, and he didn’t look like he wanted to come out any more.

Spruce grimaced.  “H-hey, buddy, how’re you doing?”  Floyd didn’t answer.  He just kept sniffling and sobbing quietly.  Alright.  That was a bad question.  “I bet it’s really scary out here today.  You know, with all of the-”

“Find them!”  A furious shout pierced his ears, making his head ring and his heart stop.  He threw himself forward, tackling Floyd down to the ground and stretching his hair out to cover them, changing its color to match the surroundings.  Floyd whimpered and clung to him, trembling as they heard the bergens in the woods around them.  They didn’t sound too close, but they could hear some shouting at each other, and if they could hear the bergens it was way too close for comfort.

“I’m looking.”  Another bergen grumped.

“Not good enough, because you haven’t found any.”  The first bergen snapped.

“Neither have you!”

They went back and forth for a little longer, but eventually their voices trailed off as they walked away.  They waited for several minutes more before Spruce sighed and finally let himself relax.

“I think they’re gone.”  Spruce said.  He brushed Floyd’s hair out of his face.  “Are you okay?”

Floyd’s mouth trembled.  He wailed and buried his face in Spruce’s chest.  It was clear he had been crying for a while, and he’d continue crying for a long time still.  Spruce would happily just let him cry it out for as long as he needed to, but what if they were heard?  Spruce had heard him.  Trolls may have better hearing than bergens, but there was still a chance that bergens could hear them too.  They had to go.

Spruce grimaced and moved to get up.  Floyd stiffened and let out a panicked yelp as he clutched at his hand, holding him tight.  Spruce froze.  “Hey, hey, I’m still here.  I’m not going to abandon you.”  Not now.  “But we’ve gotta get to the camp, right”

Floyd didn’t respond.  He just clung to him.  Sometimes when Floyd was really upset he would happily move wherever he was needed, just as long as he was guided.  Other times trying to get him to move just made him scream and cry more.

Spruce wouldn’t be surprised if Floyd had been crying and uncooperative when Clay found him.  He hadn’t gotten Floyd to safety, but he’d gotten him out of immediate danger.  Spruce still hated that Clay hadn’t done more, but deep down he had to acknowledge that he’d done more than was fair to ask under the circumstances.

“We’re going to be just fine.”  Spruce said as comfortingly as he could.  “We’ll be safe soon, but bro, we have to leave.  You can hold my hand.  I’m not going anywhere without you.  But we’re going to have to be as quiet as possible, okay?”

Floyd’s face got all scrunched up.  He pulled his hand away from Spruce and even pushed him away when he tried to reach out and offer comfort.

“I’m not doing this.”  Floyd growled.  Spruce’s hand fell to his side.  “I’m not!”

Spruce flinched.  He anxiously looked around, paranoid that a bergen had heard Floyd shout.

“Okay, okay, we don’t have to.”  Spruce said tensely.  “J-just…please…”  He really didn’t know what to say.  He needed to get Floyd out, but moving him would make him cry and scream, and that was something they couldn’t afford.

Spruce looked around anxiously, as though the bushes around them would give him the answers he needed so he could save his brother.  His eyes landed on some wild berries and he froze, suddenly getting an idea.  A horrible idea that he would never forgive himself for, but it was a solution.

Spruce swallowed thickly.  “H-have you eaten anything today?”  Floyd narrowed his eyes at him.  Eventually he shook his head.  “I bet you’re really hungry.”  He stepped towards the wild berries, picking some of them.  One berry.  Two berries.  A third one, and, after thinking about it for a long second and trying to remember everything John Dory had taught him, he grabbed a fourth really small berry.  He went back to Floyd and offered the berries to him.

“These are lopsyberries.”  Spruce said.  “They’re really sweet and taste really yummy.  John Dory told me that just a handful can make it so you don’t need any other food for a whole day.”  It was the truth, but not in the way that he was sure it sounded.

He didn’t like lying to his brothers, even lying by omission, but it was necessary.  They either needed to get to the camp, or they needed to bunker down for a day or two until the bergens weren’t searching the area anymore.  Spruce needed to do what was necessary to keep his brother safe, and if this was how he did it then so be it.

Floyd didn’t hesitate to eat the lopsyberries.  Why would he?  He had no reason to think that Spruce would mislead him.  The effect wasn’t immediate, but it didn’t take too long.  Within the matter of a few minutes Floyd’s sobs quieted and his whole body relaxed.  That part wasn’t so bad.  That was what Spruce had wanted.  But then he looked at Floyd’s eyes and saw how dull they were.  There was no life there at all.  It looked so wrong, and the lazy smile on Floyd’s face did not make it better.

Floyd slowly brought a hand to his face, wiping the tears away.  His head rolled slightly as he stared at his hand.  “Cr-crying.”  Floyd’s mouth twitched as though he was going to start laughing.  Spruce really hoped he wouldn’t.  Floyd looked over at him.  “Why-why am I crying?  I’m not…I don’t feel like I’m crying.”

He was confused.  He clearly wasn’t upset about it, but that wasn’t reassuring.  Floyd wasn’t okay, and he didn’t even know it.  And it was all Spruce’s fault.

“I-it’s okay.”  Spruce said.    “I-I’ll explain everything later.”

“Oh.”  Floyd lowered his hand and slowly nodded.  It looked like every movement he made took a colossal effort.  “Yeah, yeah, okay.”  His gaze drifted to their surroundings.  “Yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah.”

Spruce grabbed his wrist and gripped it tightly, painfully.  He had to bite his lower lip to keep himself from crying.  He hated this.  He didn’t want to be here.  He didn’t want to have to be the strong one.  But he couldn’t take a break yet.  If Spruce didn’t step in right now then Floyd would just keep saying ‘yeah’ to himself, and who knew if he was even aware that he was saying it at all?

“Y-you wanna try walking, bro?”  Spruce asked.  He reached out and took Floyd’s hand.  He stepped back, trying to pull his brother along with him.  Floyd went along with it this time.  At least, he tried to.  Floyd took a step forward and his whole body seemed to tilt forward.  He didn’t fall, but it looked like he might.  He took another step, and this time his knee very nearly buckled.  He didn’t fall, but it was clear that walking wasn’t really an option for him.  Floyd tried to take one more step, but he stepped on some slightly uneven ground and didn’t seem to know how to catch himself.  He stumbled and Spruce had to steady him.  Floyd giggled a little bit.

“My legs feel like jelly.”  Floyd said, laughter in his voice.  Spruce felt like he was going to be sick.

“Yeah, I know.”  Spruce pulled his brother close and just held him.  “W-why don’t we just sit here for a little bit?  Then maybe we can try a piggy-back ride or something.  Sound good?”

“Yeah.”  Floyd muttered as he nuzzled against him.  “Yeah.  Yeah.”  He stared at Spruce’s hair, reaching a shaky hand up to run his hand through it, a small smile on his face.  “Yeah.”  He just kept on saying that word until it sounded like complete gibberish.

“I’m sorry.”  Spruce said tightly.  He really couldn’t stop his tears anymore.  He held Floyd, afraid to let him go.  “I’m so sorry bro.”  Floyd didn’t acknowledge the apology at all.  He just continued to mutter to himself, playing with Spruce’s hair.  He was out of it, just like Spruce knew he would be.  This would last for hours, probably the rest of the day, and maybe even well into tomorrow as well, depending on how well Floyd had been taking care of himself lately.

He probably shouldn’t have included that fourth berry, but Spruce couldn’t risk having this wear off early.  He needed Floyd to be calm and quiet until they could get to safety, and he didn’t dare bring more lopsyberries with them.  Lopsyberries were a relatively harmless fruit that relaxed the mind and body, but according to John Dory they were very addictive.  If someone ate too much it would start to be the only food they craved, and if it went on then it was the only food that one’s body would accept at all.  John Dory had told him once that he regularly found bodies of small critters right next to lopsyberry bushes, having starved to death because they couldn’t eat anything but the small berry that messed with their minds.

Spruce had tried lopsyberries before with John Dory.  He couldn’t really remember much of that night, but he knew that they’d both been very relaxed and calm.  And he also knew that John Dory had carefully planned out how many berries they would both eat beforehand, and he’d made sure that they wouldn’t be anywhere near more of them.  Johnny said that it could take weeks after having lopsyberries before one's body flushed it entirely out of their system and it was safe to have more.

So Spruce wasn’t going to bring more lopsyberries.  He would rather give Floyd a slightly higher dose now than give him an entirely new serving so soon after he’d already had some.  Floyd would be fine, if a bit loopy, just as long as Spruce was here to keep an eye on him.  After all, Floyd was in no state to watch out for himself right now.

“You’re going to be fine.”  Spruce said, trying to convince himself of just that.  “I’m not going to leave you.”  They would both get out of here in a few minutes, just as soon as Spruce’s guilt stopped weighing him down so much.  He just needed a little time to catch his breath and get his thoughts in order, and then they could leave.

Looking up at the sky he didn’t think they would get back before noon.  If they really pushed it they might, but what if they didn’t.  They’d be locked out and unprepared.  Spruce thought it might be better to hunker down and find some shelter for these next few days.  He knew of some good spots to hide.  Places near good sources of water and food, with small cave systems that the bergens would not be able to fit in at all.  They would be safe, but those caves were in the opposite direction from the camp.  It would mean being away from Clay and the rest of the troll community, at least for a little bit.  They’d probably be worried sick.  Spruce didn’t want to cause them that stress, but he also couldn’t worry about them right now.  Floyd was his focus right now.  He’d worry about everybody else, and himself, when he knew his brother was safe.

Chapter Text

John Dory was supposed to stay at the new Pop Village during Trollstice.  He didn’t really mind that so much.  Pop Village was safe, and he got to spend time with Branch and Grandma.  It was the first time he had ever been able to have a low-stress solstice.  No crying brothers.  No fighting with Clay and Spruce, while struggling to stay as quiet as possible.  He spent the day just relaxing with Branch and Grandma, having some quality time together. 

He was able to have a real conversation with Grandma, just between the two of them.  He couldn’t remember the last time they’d done this, and he didn’t know how many more chances he’d have to do this.  It was really nice, and it was a memory that he would cherish for the rest of his life.

While John Dory and Grandma Rosiepuff just talked about ‘the good old days’ that had been their respective childhoods they watched Brand and the newly hatched Princess Poppy started practicing for a concert.  John Dory knew that when he was really little he had put on silly concerts like this with Bruce.  That had been a long time ago.  Most of his childhood music memories hadn’t been for fun, but for the band.

It was bittersweet to watch Branch play and sing without any stress.  He was glad he hadn’t ruined singing for his brother, but it was painful that he could have.  And that he’d probably ruined music for his other brothers, and even for himself.  John Dory didn’t think he had tried to sing at all since the band had split, let alone try to write any new songs.  He wanted to, and maybe at some point he could, but he just wasn’t at that point yet.

John Dory wanted to talk to his other brothers about their music.  If they were struggling, maybe they could figure out how to get their music back together.  He missed the others, and he was worried about them.  After all, they were a lot closer to the bergens than John Dory was.  It felt wrong to be cozy and safe when his brothers weren’t.  Clay had been very clear in his request when he’d told John Dory that he would appreciate it if he helped escort trolls to Pop Village, but that he needed to stay at the village for the three days leading up to Trollstice, and for three days after.

He understood the idea behind it.  If something went wrong in the final evacuations the tribe still needed to live on, and they needed as many healthy and able-bodied trolls as they could get to help rebuild.

But John Dory hated thinking about it.  Did Clay realize how cruel it was to basically ask him to be prepared to be strong in the face of a genocide of their tribe?  He really couldn’t cope with the very thought of it, so he just avoided thinking about it.  He was sure everything would be fine.  Clay had just been reading far too many sad books and had paranoid thoughts about worst-case scenarios.  It made him very good at making thorough plans, and he seemed to  like it, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but boy did it give John Dory second-hand stress.

He was tense leading up to Trollstice.  He was able to relax on the day itself, which was nice, but then his thoughts returned to his other brothers.  He knew about the refugee camp lockdown, of course.  He knew he couldn’t just rush there and bust in, but he knew when they opened the gates again.  He knew how long it would take him to get there, down to the minute.  Alright, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but not much.  John Dory knew what he was doing, and he timed his departure just right, telling Branch he’d be back soon with their other bros.

Branch didn’t really know the others might potentially be in danger.  He knew about Trollstice, of course, but only as a vague concept.  He was still too young to really understand the dangers the bergens posed, and now he would be able to grow up without having that threat looming over him.  It was a beautiful thing, and having their brothers here would make it perfect.

Getting to the camp wasn’t hard at all.  He didn’t run into any bergens or see any sign of them at all, and that was a weight off of his back.  He approached the entrance just when they were supposed to open again, and he saw some trolls outside, also cautiously approaching the entrance.  They looked too relieved and exhausted to be scouts who had been sent out to make sure that the coast was clear, but why would there be other trolls out?  They couldn’t have possibly missed curfew, had they?  Clay had been far too careful to let that happen.

When he got close enough to the other trolls to realize that he recognized them he realized that something was going on here.  Even if this was a scouting group there was no way that their princess would be a part of it.  Clay would never allow it.

“Viva!”  Bruce called out, waving to get her attention.  The trolls jumped violently and one of them burst into tears.  Viva whipped around to face him, a panicked expression on her face.  She brightened when she saw him.  

“Johnny!”  She ran up to him, throwing her arms around him.  He held her close, a little confused as she sobbed into his chest.  “You’re here!”

“Yeah, thought I’d see how things were going here.”  He pulled away to give her a concerned look.  “What are you doing out here?  I thought nobody could get in or out until sunset.”

“That’s why we’re here.”  Viva said.  She looked at her companions, three trolls who seemed about John Dory’s age, maybe a little older.

“I twisted my ankle the eve before trollstice.”  One of the trolls admitted quietly.  “I didn’t think trying to run from bergens was smart, so I hunkered down, and my friends refused to leave without me.”

“And I wouldn’t leave without them.”  Viva said.  They looked at her like she hung the moon.  “No troll left behind, right?  So when me and Clay realized trolls were missing we went back to find them.”

“Hang on, hang on, Clay?”  John Dory felt his heart stop.  Clay had gone back to the tree.  And he wasn’t here now.  “Where is he?”

Viva reached into her pocket and pulled out a note.  “We said we’d meet up at the tunnel entrance, but I found this note there instead.”  She handed it to him.  A very small part of him was relieved, because Clay promised that he was okay, but the note also said that he was with Floyd.  Floyd?!  He definitely wasn’t supposed to have been in the tree still.  He shouldn’t have been there at all, if only Clay hadn’t been so stubborn and scared of what others would think of him.

John Dory felt a protective fury come over him.  He needed to make sure his baby brothers were safe.  He went to the rock that he knew served as the only entrance to the hidden camp.  He pounded on it, not caring if he was hurting his fist.  

“Hey!”  John Dory called out.  “Open up!”  Nothing.  He growled.  “Come on!  Sundown’s in, like, five minutes.  Just let us in!”  No response.  He shouted in frustration and drew back his fist to really hit at the door.  Viva gently took his hand.

“We weren’t followed.”  Viva called out.  “But we have a hurt troll here.  He needs medical care.”

A moment passed and then the door opened.  Viva beamed as John Dory gave her a grateful look.  The troll who had twisted his ankle, which had probably healed by now, started walking with a very obvious limp, sending a wink John Dory’s way.  They were breaking the rules, fibbing to get in early, just so John Dory could see if his brothers were okay.

He slipped inside just as soon as the door was open, immediately coming face to face with Clay, who looked as desperate and frightened as he felt.  John Dory didn’t hesitate for a moment.  He didn’t stop to think about it.  He just went to his brother and enveloped him in his arms.  Clay whimpered and leaned in to him.  They didn’t talk.  They just held each other.

“Clay!”  Viva looked ecstatic and relieved to see him.  She didn’t try to cut in to their hug, and John Dory appreciated it.  “You made it.”

“Vee.”  Clay pulled his head away from John Dory just enough to look over his shoulder.  “Y-you’re okay.”

“Yep, we’re fine.”  Viva said.  She gave him a shaky smile.  “Is Floyd okay?”

Clay hadn’t had a very solid grip on his composure up to that point, but that loose hold slid off in an instant.  He let out a cry so harsh that it was practically a scream as he buried his face in John Dory’s chest.  Shivers went down his spine as he tightened his grip on Clay.  He was scared of just what this breakdown meant.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”  John Dory held him closer.  “Deep breaths, little bro.”  Look, just…where’s Floyd?  You found him, right?”  It took every bit of John Dory’s restraint to keep himself from freaking out.  He was terrified for Floyd, and he was desperate to do something about it, but Floyd wasn’t in his reach right now.  He could do something for Clay though.

He held his brother for a few minutes while he calmed down.  He was still distraught, but functional and able to talk.

“I don’t know where he is.”  Clay said thickly.  “I got him out of the tree, and I thought everything would be okay, but I messed up.  I hurt him, and he didn’t want to be around me anymore.  I-I let him go.  I thought he’d be better off without me.  I thought he’d just take some time for himself and then come here, b-but he’s not here.  Spruce went out to get him, and neither of them got here before the entrance closed.”

John Dory felt his heart break.  He was scared to death of Spruce and Floyd’s well-being, but they were still out of his reach.  He could go out and look for them, but maybe they were on their way here now.  Maybe all he had to do was wait.

And Clay.  He could have done things differently.  But he was just a child.  He’d been putting so much pressure on himself.  John Dory wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t slept at all these past several days, because who could rest when their brothers and best friend were out in danger?  He had to be exhausted right now, and John Dory was pretty sure he hadn’t been sleeping really well leading up to Trollstice either.

“It’s okay.”  John Dory pet Clay’s hair.  “It’s not your fault.”

Clay shook his head and made a broken keening sound.  “I should have…I was supposed to…”

“You did what you could.”  John Dory said.

“But it wasn’t good enough.”  Clay sniffled.  “No matter how hard I try I don’t know how to be good enough for everybody.”

There it was.  The clear indication that he had messed up big time as a big brother.  “Nobody’s perfect.”  John Dory said quietly.  “A-and I’m so sorry I ever made you think that you had to be.”

“I was supposed to watch him.”  Clay said.  “A-and I just watched him walk away.  I almost wasn’t able to find him.  I thought he was safe.  I-if I hadn’t gone back he…he…”  Clay trailed off, retching and gagging.  He was trembling.  John Dory didn’t blame him at all.  The thought of what could have happened, and what could still happen, made John Dory’s chest tighten so much that he felt like he was actually dying.

“It’s not your fault.”  John Dory said uselessly.  He knew his words weren’t good enough, because they never were.  He didn’t know what else to do though.  He was floundering, drowning, and the only thing keeping him afloat was the knowledge that he was the only thing keeping Clay from following in his self-destructive footsteps.

Clay didn’t answer.  He just cried and clung to John Dory.  He had a lot of experience comforting Floyd and helping him calm down, but he didn’t know if he’d ever done it with Clay.  Clay had always been frustratingly independent, and he used to try to start fights whenever John Dory tried to help him do anything.  Clay had always seen help as a way of someone saying that they didn’t think he would do good by himself.

“I’m sure they’re okay.”  John Dory said, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Clay.  “Spruce is strong, and he knows how to find Floyd.  I’m sure they’re together, and the only reason they’re not here is because they bunkered down and made their way to Pop Village instead of stopping by here first.”

Clay looked at him with wide, pleading eyes.  “You think so?”

“Sure.”  John Dory smiled at him, ruffling Clay’s hair.  “I mean, that’s what I’d probably do.”  It was weird how normal this felt, because he was pretty sure he and Clay had never been affectionate like this.  Their fear and the stressful situation was making them gravitate to each other.

Clay nuzzled against him.  “Maybe if Floyd is with Branch then he’ll be able to figure out how to be happy again.  He’s always happier around Branch.”  

John Dory felt his stomach twist.  He knew that Floyd had been feeling down lately, and that it had just been getting worse, but he still felt sick when hearing about it.  

“How’s Branch doing?”  Clay asked.

“Oh, he’s thriving.”  John Dory said.  “Would you believe it, he spent all of Trollstice putting together a musical show with Poppy.”

“Poppy…”  Viva’s voice was barely audible.  John Dory turned to look towards her.  He had honestly forgotten that she was there.  She gave him a shaky smile, tears in her eyes.  “That…is that-?”

“Princess Poppy.”  John Dory gave her a big smile.  “Your little sister.  I tell you, she’s a sweet little thing.  She hatched two months ago, and she’s already got everybody wrapped around her little finger.”

Viva let out a sound that was a cross between a sob and a laugh.  She put her hands to her mouth as she cried.  “Poppy.  Little Poppy.  I love her so much already.  What’s she like?  Oh…”    She trailed off and gave them an apologetic look.  “Sorry.  I-I’m sorry.  I’m just excited about Poppy.  I shouldn’t-”

Clay snorted.  He pulled away from John Dory and held a hand out to her.  She slowly took it and let him pull her into a hug.  “Just because I’m worried about my bros doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be excited about Poppy.”

“Being around some excitement might be good for us.”  John Dory said.  “It’s been a pretty stressful few days.”  And John Dory knew that he wasn’t going to relax until he knew for sure Spruce and Floyd were okay.”

Clay sighed.  “It’s going to keep being stressful days.”  He said.  “You have no idea how much I want to just run out there and find them.”

“Probably as much as I do.”  John Dory said.  Clay gave him a shaky smile.  “Tell you what.  When everyone heads to Pop Village we’ll go with them.  We’ll check on Branch and Grandma, see if Floyd and Spruce are there, and if they’re not then me and you will head out and find them.”  It wasn’t an ideal plan.  The trolls at the camp weren’t planning on heading out for several days at the very least.  If their bros weren’t at the village then they would need a few days to gather proper supplies before they could head out.  It could be more than a week before they could even begin looking for their brothers.  It felt like an eternity, but they needed to be thorough and careful about this, not just jump into things willy-nilly.

Clay looked like he wanted to argue with him.  He liked to argue with John Dory about most things.  But he took a deep breath and nodded.  Huh.  Maybe the plan wasn’t that bad, if Clay was willing to go along with it.

John Dory just wished that it didn’t feel as torturous and like he was betraying his brothers.  This plan hurt, but it was the best that he could do right now.  It would be enough though.  It had to be.  His world would fall apart if it wasn’t.

At least Clay was here.  John Dory didn’t know what he would do if he had to do this alone.