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Ford let out a deep sigh as he was finally cleared past security, hesitantly approaching the room number from the letter.
He had no intention of ever seeing Bill again, but he couldn't deny a request from the Axolotl himself. He only hoped this would be brief.
Ford entered the room silently, raising a brow to find Bill seated in a corner, scribbling with crayons on the wall.
WELCOME, STANFORD PINES.
The Axolotl's many voices filled the room, and every inch of their beings. Ford fought back a shudder from the sensation.
Bill looked up from his art, eye dragging across his form to flip around onto his back, turning it to his front. "WHAT?!"
Ford sighed, waving to the pair as the Axolotl materialized between them.
"WHY IS HE HERE?!"
I have requested his presence as part of your therapy, Bill Cipher.
"I'm not thrilled about this either, Cipher." Ford took a seat. "Let's just do what is required to end this."
Bill rolled his eye.
The Axolotl glanced to the wall. We have paper at your disposal-
"I'M AWARE." Bill rejected, taking a seat next to Ford. He fought the urge to glance him over.
Ford shook his head. "What particularly did you need from me, Sir?"
I wish to help Bill Cipher accept his past, and how it has affected him. And you are a major factor in how he has landed himself here, in the manner he is.
Ford clicked his tongue, "Bill's actions are his own-"
They are. But they were made in reaction to events, for better or for worse.
"Worse." Ford insisted.
Mr.Pines, please. This is not a place for judgement. We are here to acknowledge the past, and how it has lead here. Not to scold.
Ford sighed, waving his hand for the god to continue.
Bill crossed his arms. "AND WHAT- OH WISE ONE- DO YOU SEEM TO THINK IS THE SOURCE OF MY WOES?" He mocked.
The room around the trio vanished, replaced by a familiar Cosmos. Dozens of nights and dreams spent here.
Ford tensed, jaw clenched tight. "I hardly see how this place matters. Nothing here was ever real. It was Bill just trying to play me like a pawn."
Bill rolled his eye. "NOT MY FAULT YOU MADE IT SO EASY-"
"YOU LITTLE-"
BOYS.
Both huffed, turning their backs to the other.
While the pretense of these meetings was less than clear, the emotions that occurred here remain true. The positive and the negative both. A realm where the both of you could be at peace. Where neither was outcasted, and both felt wanted.
The pair glanced over, silently watching a montage of younger versions of themselves. Before the portal had even been mentioned. Just enjoying the other's company for the time being.
Ford's glare softened slightly. He did look happy back then. Carefree... Naive.
Stanford Pines. Do tell us what's on your mind? Please. Be open.
Ford sighed, shaking his head and holding himself. "How naive I was to ever trust him- To ever believe he cared-"
"HEY! I TOOK PLENTY CARE OF YOU-"
"That's not the same!" Ford snapped. "Making sure I didn't keel over from sleep deprivation so I could still be able to do what YOU wanted is NOT caring about someone!"
"I COULD'VE JUST LET YOU DIE AND USED YOUR SHELL!"
Ford rolled his eyes. "Are you honestly trying to convince me you did anything for my own good?? It was all just to serve you!"
Perhaps it would be beneficial to see-
"CAN IT, FRILLS!" Bill huffed. "I WAS AN EXCELLENT MUSE! I TOOK CARE OF YOUR EVERY NEED-"
"ONLY TO GET WHAT YOU WANTED! YOU DIDN'T DO IT OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART. I'M NOT CONVINCED YOU EVEN HAVE ONE!"
"OH BOO HOO. SIXER'S GOING TO CRY BECAUSE NO ONE DOES SOMETHING FOR NOTHING. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE ANY BETTER! YOU ONLY SPOKE TO YOUR OLD 'FRIEND' AGAIN SO HE COULD DO WORK FOR YOU!"
"I SPENT TIME WITH FIDDLEFORD OUTSIDE WORK! I TRIED TO MAKE SURE HE WAS OKAY! HE ONLY GOT HURT BECAUSE I WAS A MORON WHO LET HIMSELF BELIEVE YOU GAVE A SHIT!"
"YOU'RE WEAK!" Bill laughed. "Don't you see?? You're exactly what I don't want to be!"
Bill turned his back to Ford. The scenery around them shifting to showcase Bill watching Fiddleford and Ford thru the tapestries. Watching as Ford tried to nervously explain away the scratches on his arms from Bill getting curious what thorns feel like. Trying to hide what was going on from Fiddleford.
Weak.
Afraid.
"Honestly. You're walking talking loser tragedy!"
Ford scowled, turning his back on Bill as well, watching a younger, drunk Ford spending his birthday with who he thought was his best friend. Ford frowned, anger shifting into regret and sorrow. "Can't believe... That I almost thought that we were meant to be."
Bill froze, eye widening as he contorted his form to look behind him.
"Can't believe that I almost thought you cared about me."
Bill watched the drunk pair partying together. Nothing about the portal got done that night. Bill hadn't even minded at the time.
Ford scoffed, waving the scene away with his hand. "I'm so glad that I woke up! I'm sick of living under your thumb." Ford glared down at the real Bill. "I'm so glad that I woke up!"
Bill scoffed, waving Ford off dismissively. "I don't really care about your stupid fragile being!"
Bill huffed. How dare this human act like he didn't have the potential to be just as horrid as Bill? "I should say. That's you're kind of a dictator, in a way."
Bill grinned, playing a montage of every time Ford's stubbornness nearly got him and Fiddleford killed. And how often Ford would take to writing it down before checking on his 'dear friend'.
Ford scowled. "You're to blame! You're a constant source of misery and pain!" Ford insisted, shifting the memories to remind how many of those expeditions were encouraged by Bill. How the final straw for Fiddleford leaving was Bill and the portal. "What a shame. That you're so stuck up I know you won't change!"
Bill scoffed, rolling his eye. "Out of frame... No I don't believe YOU cared about ME!" Bill accused, shifting to show after Fiddleford left. How much Ford began to research Bill more. How fast he switched to finding out the truth.
Bill tried to offer him a place to rule with him. And was shot down. For what? Some human who already left? Some world that treated Ford like garbage?? "Cause you left me drowning." Bill watched as Ford turned his back on him, dismissing him as a monster like everyone else.
"I'm so glad that I woke up!" Bill shoved all of the phantoms of the past aside. The cosmos dismissed for the Fearamid. Bill living it up with his crew, not needing to play nice anymore. Free to exist as he pleased. He grinned to rewatch Time Baby die. "I'm sick of living under your thumb!"
Ford scoffed, shifting the scene forcefully to Bill's stone statue, rotting away in the woods. A background to Ford's bonfire of his Bill memorabilia. "I'm so glad that I woke up. I don't really care about your stupid fragile ego- I don't really care about your stupid fragile ego. You think that you're so clever, why are you scared of looking so dumb??"
Ford shifted the scene to remind Bill of how easily he got tricked by the Stan twins.
Bill's form turned red.
"I don't think you're fit to rule your little kingdom."
Bill's rage grew as he turned on Ford. "WE WERE GETTING CLOSER YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM SO DONE"
Ford rolled his eyes. He already called them off ages ago. Bill pretending like him saying it now matters at all was ridiculous. "I don't really care about you."
"No, I don't really care about you."
"I don't really care about you! You!" The pair shouted at each other, in each other's faces now.
Ford huffed, brushing past Bill to go sit by the statue. "You're self-obsessed and all the rest and BC I'm so over it."
"I'm so glad that I woke up! I'm sick of living under your thumb!" Bill insisted. He didn't need Stanford! He was just another tool!
"I'm so glad that you woke up! I don't really care about your stupid fragile being!"
Ford rolled his eyes again, flipping Bill the bird. "I'm so glad that I woke up! I'm sick of living under your thumb! I'm so glad that I woke up. I don't really care about your stupid fragile ego!"
The world around them vanished, back in the sterile office. Chairs turned to face away from each other.
I'm not sure that was productive boys...
"GOOD. WE ESTABLISHED THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. HE CAN LEAVE NOW!" Bill snapped. Sulking.
It was not productive because you two refuse to be honest.
"Excuse you??" Ford scoffed. "I couldn't be more honest if I tried! I'm glad he's out of my life!"
Do you not miss being his friend?
"I was never his friend. He was lying to me. The Bill I thought I cared for isn't real."
Bill scoffed, slamming the table. "OH YEAH. BECAUSE I TOTALLY FAKED SPENDING USELESS HOURS COLLECTING RATS SO YOU WOULDN'T BE A PATHETIC SAD SACK ON YOUR BIRTHDAY."
"You were only trying to get me to like you so I'd do what you say!"
"I WAS TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM FEELING LIKE-" Bill caught himself, nearly swept up in the emotions he was finding were harder and harder to keep in lately.
Ford hesitated, glancing over his shoulder.
I want you here, Stanford Pines. Because I believe you are in a unique position of understanding where Bill Cipher is coming from.
"I WOULD NEVER-"
Perhaps not agreeing with them. Not approving. But, understanding. You two are not as different as you seem to think.
"DON'T-" Bill tried to stop him. Unfortunately, he was powerless here. Bill watches in wide eyed horror as the room vanished once more, surrounded instead by two separate sets of memories.
On one side of them, a small six fingered child, trying his hardest to be good at something so that, maybe, people wouldn't stare at him in confusion or disgust.
On the other, a small triangle, with a rounded eye full of wonder. A small triangle, cowering in a corner from his parents, as they tried to get him to take something. Cowering in the corner as he took a hesitant sip, and the wonder in his eye dimmed, ever so slightly.
Ford frowned in concern, keeping an eye on both sides as the two children grew up, both shunned by their peers.
Where young Ford could lean on and brace himself emotionally on his twin, the triangle was alone.
Ford reached out, slightly, to comfort the child, before yanking his hand back like he'd been burnt. This was still Bill.
"STOP." Bill demanded of the Axolotl. "TURN IT OFF."
We only get better by admitting to it. We must embrace our past. Even when it is hard.
"THAT THING IS NOT ME! I'M NOT WEAK!"
It was. Once.
"THAT THING DIED WITH THE REST OF THEM, LIKE THEY ALL DESERVED!"
Who are you trying to convince?
"Bill?..." Ford spoke softly, placing a concerned hand on his old friend's shoulder.
Bill recoiled, as if burnt by the touch. "I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T SO GULLIBLE ANYMORE, IQ! DON'T LISTEN TO THE FRILLY FUCKER. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S-"
Bill watched in horror as the scene shifted. A not-so-young him watching thru the tapestries as Ford curled up for bed one night.
Ford frowned, confused by the scene.
A memory of Bill, back in the nightmare realm, checked on a nearby calendar to ensure he had the date right. Conversations of the past playing across the memories, of Ford over a game of chess explaining human birthdays to Bill.
On paper, my birthday is marked as the 16th with my twin. But I was technically born on the 15th, because I came a few minutes before midnight. Ma says the nurse who wrote it down didn't want to separate my twin and I, so just put us both as the 16th. Pa says she was just stupid and wrote the wrong date. My twin and I tried to use this to talk our folks into separate birthday parties, so we could have twice the cake. It never worked.
Ford glanced slightly to Bill, the current Bill. Surprised he remembered something so trivial and useless.
He glanced back to watch the memory of Bill trying to arrange his birthday party and birthday rats for him.
Bill Cipher... Please.... Be honest.
Bill scoffed, folding his arms. Sixer wouldn't believe he wasn't lying again, anyways. "I just- ...I know how bad being alone can feel I guess-...." He just wanted this to be over so he could go back to pretending none of it ever happened.
Ford frowned. Thinking on his family, who rarely ever praised him or spoke fondly, but still made sure he had his books and hobbies, when they could afford to. To Fiddleford, who gave him so many random items, and kept quiet when things upset him because he didn't want to dampen Ford's scientific spirit. To Stanley, who couldn't give him much of anything, but made sure he always knew he wasn't alone.
Ford glanced to Bill. Who'd never known any of that. Whose way of showing kindness was a mirror of what little he'd seen Ford and Fiddleford both give. Gifts and experiences. "..........You did care...... Didn't you? You just suck as showing it."
"GEE. WHAT A COMPLIMENT." Bill scoffed. "Are we done here yet??"
"........Do you miss me being around?"
"WELL YOU'RE CERTAINLY A BETTER CONVERSATION THAN THE DIMWITS IN THIS HELLHOLE. I'LL GIVE YOU THAT MUCH."
"Bill." Ford said, voice firm and calm.
Bill glanced over to him, if he had a jaw it'd be clenched hard enough to break teeth. "WHAT."
"........Was it real?... Any of it?....... Did you care about me?"
Bill didn't reply, but he didn't need to. The memories shifted once more, replaying Bill offering Ford a spot by his side in the Fearamid. A chance to stay with him.
Ford's face softened. He'd been trying to tell him. He just.... was never shown how.
Bill sighed, tired and broken down from countless weeks of this nonsense. He just wanted to get it over with. Let this be finished, so it could all be taken away, and he'd never have to think on it again. "I know... We'll never grow old together... Cause you'll never grow old to me..."
Ford stared at Bill, a bit shocked. A bit worried what has been going on in here to break his old muse down so far.
"You're the chip in my shields- and I'm scared cause that means I'm... a litttle bit soft..."
Bill sighed, holding himself. "Don't beat yourself up, Fordsy. It wasn't just you that I was hiding from... We were messed up kids who taught ourselves how to live-" Bill watched on as a young Ford ran to his brother after being teased for his hands. And a young Bill curled up alone in his room, rubbing the medicine from his eye as his parents told him they loved him.
"And I'm still scared that I'm not good enough...." Bill ran a hand gently over the cracks that span his surface.
The memory shifted away from young Ford, following the triangle's life as he tried to come to terms with the shapes he was scared of being the only ones who claim to love him. "I've always felt like a monster. Long before I was big.... But only seen as a mosnter?..." Bill watched on as his world ignited in flames, ripped apart in two atom by atom. As a younger Bill stared in confused horror. "Let's just say I'm used to it...."
Bill's memories shifted to his Henchmaniacs, the closest things he had to friends, who he still kept at arms length. Unable to bring himself to trust any of them.
To Young Ford, so eager to please and befriend Bill, giving love so openly, in a way Bill had never known before. "And I grew tough. Cause love had only hurt me back-"
Bill smiled, slightly, watching their drunken night. Watching himself indulge in a small taste of being cared for. Knowing that was the night he doomed himself to being unable to just find another person to finish the portal. Knowing he'd keep coming back to only this one. "But loving you? It's a good problem to have.... And I'm used to that-" Bill gestured to his child self, hiding in a corner from the medicine. "But I could get used to this." He smiled, watching himself dance with his favorite human.
Ford smiled as well. "And I'm used to that-" He shifted the memories to his younger self, naively playing a rigged game of chess. Before waving it all away, back in the office once more. Ford reached out, slowly, to trace one of Bill's scars. "But I could get used to this... I know we'll never grow old together. You'll never grow old to me. You're the pink in my cheeks, and I know that it means I'm a little bit soft."
Bill chuckled, carefully holding the six fingered hand. "You're the chip in my shields, and I love that it means I'm a little bit soft."
The Axolotl smiled gently. They had a lot more work to do. But this was a good start. They could build back up from here.
After all. They had from now until the end of time to figure it out.