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“Do you think I'm a bad person?”
The wind curled up through the open balcony of the astronomy tower, always cold at this time of night. James shivers, curling in on himself from where he's sitting against the wall.
“Is that my place to say?” Regulus speaks quietly from where he's sitting next to James, just a couple inches away.
This is the place. The place where they talked for the first time. The place where they’d show up every night. Regulus was mean at first, hesitant. But James never faltered, always showing up, trying to show Regulus the trust and patience he could have, that Regulus could trust him . And soon enough, Regulus opened up. They'd spend their nights talking. About everything and nothing, and soon, with the nights spent talking and their friendship strengthening. It grew into something more, something uncontrollable . It grew into an intense love, a love that nobody knew, and though they had to keep it a secret, the astronomy tower remained the one place where they could finally just love , unconditionally and without fear of what's to come, of the war raging around the corner.
This is their place, always will be.
“It's always your place to say” James says, feigning indifference. But he knows, Regulus can see right through him anyway.
Regulus looks at James, locking eyes with him before letting out a sigh and looking away, “James… I don’t think I can give you the answer you want.”
James lets out a shaky breath, eyes roaming over Regulus' face. Trying to get a hint, anything, just to know what he was thinking. “I don't care, Regulus. I want it anyway” He says, only half meaning it, but he needs to know. He needs to know if he's wrong.
Regulus turns his head back to look at James, his face full of guilt and sympathy, emotions he would never share with anyone else, “Yes James, I think you're a bad person.” Regulus lets out a breath of air shakily before speaking “You're hurting them, James. You're hurting yourself . You need to talk to them, James.”
James breathes in, the air constricting into his lungs at the words, tears forming in his eyes, “I know. I- I'm really trying , I am. But- everything’s so hard. I- I don't know how to handle it. It's all too hard.” James looks away from regulus, trying to steady himself. The tears threatening to spill over.
“You're alone James, you can't do it by yourself. You need to get help. They want to help you. You need to tell them. You need to talk to someone.” Regulus states, concern and love spilling through his words.
James looks back to Regulus, looking anywhere but his face. The pain and hurt evident on his. “I'm talking to you” James says, letting his breath out of his lungs in a shutter of air.
Regulus locks eyes with James, face going soft, “Jamie , you know I don't count” He says, staring at James, letting a sad small smile fall across his face.
James face crumples, the hurt turning circles in his stomach at the name. The name only Regulus calls him. He was his Jamie. He looks away from Regulus, “But- I miss you ” He croaks, his body shaking as he tries to grip on to the last of his control. "I wish I could've saved you."
Regulus reaches out, sadness and pain painted across his beautiful features, putting a hand on James shoulder, but James can’t even feel it. Only cold. “I know, but I’m not here anymore James. You need to stop talking to yourself… I’m gone.” Regulus says, and the silence afterward was deafening to James' ears.
And when James looked back at regulus, empty space stared back.
Then, and only then, did he let the tears fall.