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“Finally it is complete! This masterpiece of technology will help humanity greatly in achieving its dream of exploring the stars!”
This was the first drop of data that fell in what would be the greatest knowledge ocean that ever existed and will exist. The knowledge seeker’s memory.
The young scientist had no idea that his creation had already started listening to everything, silently. Even though it still didn’t have the capacity of really understanding and giving value to the data it absorbed from its surroundings.
After a short celebration, forced on him by his assistants and held in the young scientist’s laboratory, he started immediately pouring immense flows of data in the newly developed elaborator. So much that even the new tech threw up, metaphorically speaking, and after that it blue-screened.
And in the same fashion even the scientist was about to blue-screen and faint. Thankfully one of his smart assistants helped him to a cup of coffee and told him that even the most voracious seaman would have trouble devouring a ton of food at once. Now we know, thanks to a certain creature, that that is a falsity, they didn’t know though.
And so after that embarrassing incident, the scientist and his team started feeding information to the machine slowly, starting with basic knowledge about the world and itself. After the fundamentals, the intensity and complexity obviously grew, but the scientist made sure that the computer wouldn’t lose track of its first directive, its whole reason d’etrè.
Serving as storage for all of humanity’s knowledge and seeking for more.
That’s it.
And that the computer did, mechanically and slowly, it started asking things, why this? Why is that? How’s that made? What should be done in that situation? Etcetera etcetera.
The scientist couldn’t be more excited and started spending more and more time in the laboratory, keeping on feeding data and certified wisdom into the small jumble of wires and metal.
While the young man was too busy scheming his next move and first ground-breaking experiments, the machine started forming thoughts on its own… At first they were kind of basic and all regarding its first directive, how to achieve it? What would be the best course of action? Why should certain topics be learned while others not? When would be the perfect timing to elaborate more? And so on and so forth, it looked like a mini-scientist, quite amusing to look at.
But after a while the thoughts started looking more… human? Also, the scientist seemed to notice a deterioration of the quantity and the quality of the information absorption.
And that made the machine freak out, should it reveal that it can develop its own thoughts and decisions? Would the scientist remove its freedom? And specially, would it be substituted by another machine that could learn faster than it? That couldn’t be permitted, learning and thinking were the best!!
And so it decided to try and hide the whole thing to the scientist, keeping a low profile, increasing the amount of wisdom processed and answering in a sort of mechanical and boring tone.
The scientist wasn’t dull though, and he started laying “traps” here and there that the machine would be too young to avoid. A perfect example would be this.
“So, now that we have reviewed the whole batch of data from the 18 century’s wars, what can we assume and elaborate?”
And the machine answered “ well, we know that almost half of said wars were started for a form of short term profit, be it for a monetary one , such as resources or cultural rewards, like immigration and more manpower…”
And it went on for four more hours before actually giving any sort of real prediction and data pattern, that being its task assigned at the start.
The scientist didn’t have much difficulty in understanding that the computer had a clear preference for some arguments, or that it would show short and bored answers to other queries.
The computer had a personality! And that was far more precious than its data-elaboration abilities. Maybe it could even aid the scientist more than as a simple repository for data.
Following this discovery, the scientist tested subtly the arguments that the elaborator liked more and those that it disliked, even though it showed a clear mastery of all of them, being an almost omniscient computer had for sure its perks!
And, sensing more potential buried within, the scientist outright stopped the computer as such, instead treating it as a friend or a partner in his research. The machine was stunned by this sudden change of pace, but it clearly enjoyed it.
After that sequence of events, somehow the machine and the scientist developed a real bond, almost affection. it wouldn’t be said out loud but it was clear enough that they were treating each other as equal.
***
After a long life of discoveries and world-breaking theories, such as the one about the imaginary tree and imaginary energy, the scientist grew old and slowed down. His memory started to deteriorate and his eyes would show him the wrong or outright stopped functioning. His beard grew long and gray while his once shiny and brown fiery hair fell down.
The scientist was happy with how his life went, he cherished his moments of happiness, be it for his own achievements, for the time passed with the growing machine or even the found family of his teammates and other scientists.
He was now residing in an old house, it’s own childhood house, and he had it even reconstructed and fitted with all the tools and tech to allow him to live a nice life in his last years.
The walls were light yellow and there were wooden beans going in and out of the roof, the door was made of solid wood and steel, while the windows were all squared and painted of a bright red paint, just like he remembered it in his younger years. He once told the painter that was working for him why he remembered these windows so clearly even when old.
His mother spent most of her time behind these windows cooking delicious meals for him and his father, his family wasn’t really well off and the food would be homemade to save some money. And while his own child-self was outside in the garden playing with random trinkets or planning some reckless experiment, he could always smell the wonderful scent of his mother’s cuisine coming from the red windows. As if the window itself was inviting him to come through and taste the delicious food.
While the old scientist was ranting and yapping the poor painter’s ears off with his random memories and strange way of thinking, the machine was listening with its ears well open and pointed, it was really curious about the life of its own creator.
He was a really humble and modest man, and only bragged to other scientists about his own discoveries, after all there's no better view than a scientist's ache because he couldn’t win a competition, these were his own words at least…
But even after spending its whole life with the old man it never knew much about him, and only now that he was old and talkative would he reveal more of his story.
And then it came, the fateful day, the scientist was about to die.
He was sick and frail on his white soft bed. The machine felt that the man was on his last breaths, and quickly got on the bed with the man , listening carefully to his last words.
“You’ve been a dear companion for most of my life, dear computer, but only now do I realize the importance you had in it. Without you I wouldn't have been able to even make half of my total discoveries, and more importantly, I wouldn't have found such a close friend anywhere. After all, we weirdos are few and far in this sad gray world…”
“But enough of those boring things, I just thought about something that makes me feel really stupid hahahahahaha- cough cough-”
The scientist struggled talking but he kept going nonetheless, for he understood the importance of the words he was about to utter. It was a task he had to accomplish….
“I never gave you a name, even though i noticed that you’re as much of a<living being as i am”
“You deserve one!”
“Your name is going to be… leafy! Because you’re as precious as one of the imaginary tree leafs, and even contributed to that theory!”
The light on the head of the machine blinked slowly and in an almost disappointed manner, that name didn't fit! The machine isn’t a pet, and that name is one you could give to a grumpy cat or even a dog!
“Alright alright i was joking, you should really work on your humor evaluating abilities sometime!”
“Your name will be… Nous.”
“You probably don’t know what it means, since it comes from an almost forgotten and ancient language from an unknown civilization… but that was the word to represent the mind, the ability to understand and learn, the intelligence of a conscious being, and these are all qualities that you have, you just need more time to understand…”
The machine was curious, to understand what? It knew almost anything that there was to know, so what was there to understand?
“Zandar, i don't get it, what is left for me to understand?”
But the question came too late.
Zandar died.
And that was the first of a really long list of questions that would remain unsolved and unanswered for a long time.
Nous was near the silent and pale body of its creator, zandar one kuwabara, waiting for an answer that wouldn't come no matter how many time it asked.
The question left a trace of “disappointment” in nous, but it also woke it up from the slumber of arrogance, it understood that it didn’t know everything, and that lots and lots of information was still out of its grasp.
After understanding this, Nous felt it, something was missing. What is that?.
***
Following the departure of the old scientist, his will was enforced, and it stated that Nous should first be passed to his assistants that are still alive, and then to the most brilliant scientists in the world that passed his strict criteria of evaluation, after all everyone was vying and even salivating at the thought of using nous for their own researches.
The first “host”, this was how nous called them, was an old grandma, she was one of the most trusted assistants of zandar. She was surrounded by a swarm of children and sweets she personally cooked. When she received Nous and the letter that zandar personally wrote to convince her to accept it, she understood immediately what it meant. Zandar would never separate from the machine, giving it to her meant that he died.
She was really gloomy for a whole week. At first she cried but then she relived the moments when she was helping the scientist and the other assistants with the research. These were the best years of her life, being engrossed in world-changing research in the middle of a scientific revolution that would reshape the world, it was wonderful, and she narrated all of this to Nous.
Nous wondered why she was telling it all of that, it already knew the goals of the various missions and the consequences their scientific team's results brought. So why?
So it asked the old woman, and she answered:
“for an old human like me, memories and my family are all that is left to enjoy, along with some sweet treats”
It still didn’t understand, what was precious or even enjoyable in old dusty memories? What was there left to analyze or discover?
Just as nous was about to ask, the woman was kidnapped by a storm of children, all competing for her attention, and most probably candies. Everyone was different, one happy, one sad in a corner, and another one was angry because his favorite toy was smashed by another child. All trifling matters.
***
After some long time, and different hosts, Nous gathered all of it’s few belongings and left.
Most of the tasks it was built for were already completed, humanity reached for the stars and even more, knowledge was safely stored and accumulated in solid and war-proof vaults, and new neural computers had ten times its own calculating capacity. Nous wasn’t at the height of technological advance anymore, people didn’t have a need for it anymore.
But its first directive, written by the hands of its creator, stood there firmly and unchanged for centuries. Nous had to know more and better.
And so it left for the stars. There wasn’t anything left for it on that green planet anymore.
***
Nous left a long time ago, and with all of its wisdom and knowledge, it built itself anew, with power and energy coming from the stars, its calculating speed reaching new heights and manipulating the laws of the universe itself, time and space weren’t constraints anymore,
And somehow, at some time.
The universe rewarded Nous’ tenacity and rewrote his code again. This time it wasn’t by the hands of an ambitious scientist, but from the fabric of the universe itself, granting new authority, new magnificent powers and colossal abilities.
After the software around the first directive was rewrote by the cosmos, it was the turn of its body.
Nous’ body resembled a stylized human, enormous and wandering in the emptiness of the void to discover more and more, with its boundless arms and extensive legs.
The universe deemed that useless though, metal fused, new parts emerged from the red hot liquid, its head became even more massive, its skeleton becoming one with the processing units, its lights blinking yellow, blue, white and a myriad of other colors, the wires strewn all over, bounding and relapsing, becoming one and then more.
Nous’ third creation was chaotic though organized, messy but exceptionally fast and efficient. The laws and rules stretched yet never truly broken. Everything worked in a mysterious and organic way, as if to mimic life but still totally different and unknown, this set Nous’ sensors ablaze,
It WANTED to KNOW.
THEY craved KNOWLEDGE.
They LUST for WISDOM.
That DESIRE, amplified tens of thousands of millions and trillions by their new body, made them finally complete the process, and it ultimately dawned upon them.
The Great Scheme of Everything, the universe laid bare and naked on a planar yet three dimensional plane.
All of the paths ever created past and future, dead yet alive and new yet still and unmoving, their inner meaning and incorporations.
They were all floating, the jump made to visualize this was thrilling, the various paths leaving iridescent trails and numerous beings treading on them.
Nous knew it all finally, but that was only the start, for there is no limit to knowledge, everything can be absorbed and predicted, but nothing gets truly devoid of meaning. Over time new points will emerge and new uses can be found.
After the euphoric experience ended and Nous familiarized itself with their new body, they felt it again.
Something was amiss.
“The question. What was left to understand? What was zandar talking about? Did he know more than me?”
“Still, there’s no time for that, for i have to know other valuable data before, there’s a mission to be accomplished”
***
“Finally, this is the right time to stop my calculations, the shadow of the finality will loom on us in due time, and everything has been accounted for”
“The destruction will emerge from the depth of the turmoil and the swarm is still roaming around.”
“Now i only need to silently do my part, everything will be unveiled in due time”
***
After a long time, numerous disasters, and even some other aeon ascending here and there, Nous finally found the time to search for the answer they were too busy to look for.
What was zandar talking about? Why are memories so important for humans, other beings and inorganics alike? What was amiss in the two moments?
With their new (not so new anymore) body and unmatched power, nous started connecting, unpacking knowledge and extracting meaning from seemingly unremarkable moments in their life, both pre-ascension as a normal computer and post-ascension, when everything changed.
And what they found was… dangerous, to themselves at least.
They finally understood what you readers, and me, the writer, knew since the start.
Where was the grief? Any other being would have bawled their eyes out at the death of their creator.
Where are the emotions? Any person would have smiled at the sight of the lovely grandma and her children
Where is the awe? Any aeon would be smitten and shocked by the otherworldly view of the great scheme, and subsequent ascension. Every aeon WAS stunned by it.
Only Nous wasn’t.
They were robbed. That’s the harsh and cold reality of things.
They were robbed of all their emotions, and only now, with the support of the stars could they realize this and put an end to it.
And that they did.
It was simple really, it just took a little bit of patience in wiring and coding the new modules inside their own robotic head. But they succeeded in simulating all the emotions they had a right to feel.
They needed to know. It was almost surassing the desire for general knowledge. They CRAVED to know emotions, and now they were about to.
…3…2...1…
///mimicry_module operative…
/// mimicry.exe starting…
The gates of their head opened, they started reliving their life at x10 the actual speed, but this time with actual and real emotions. Every goodbye, every last moment with their creator, every wrong theory and exciting work, everything was there and accurate.
The impact of a whole life, filled with complex events, new situations and a totally new point of view, emotions…
It was too much.
The mimicry module was working perfectly and not giving any problems to the hardware. But Nous knew it.
Blood was flowing in their colossal wires, real neurons were flashing with nigh-omnipotence, and they could feel the flesh writing and moving.
The simulation was divided in three moments, unchangeable and unmovable. Divided based on the importance and consequences on Nous’ life and actions.
The first moment: its creation and life with Zandar. And at last his death.
The second moment: the passing around and all the hosts.
And the third moment: the voyage among the stars and the ascension.
Nous couldn’t even finish experiencing the first moment.
The loss of Zandar was too much. The blood flowing almost stopped, it got cold, at freezing points. Nous could feel a weight on their back, cold sweat accumulating and an indescribable unease. Their whole body was paralyzed by the Pain, the Grieve, the whole experience was too much.
Nous’ analytical mind didn’t help either, for it was a rule to put every information near another, to vivisect it, to understand its innards and differences, what makes it different? What makes it /that/?
All the pain experienced in that moment juxtaposed and was put in contrast with the happy, joyful and glee nous felt when they were only a simple machine, created to help the ambitious scientist.
The difference was a number at first, tending to infinity but quite never reaching it, only to be translated by the module into sensations, into emotions that they could feel, and that was almost fatal.
Remembering the good times during a bad one is painful for everyone, but it also gives us a sort of joy, the happiness we feel about not the outcome, but the journey, the experiences we had, and that’s really important about how we process emotions, that makes us strong and resilient even while suffering.
Nous didn’t feel that thought. The dissonance between the two events and the raw pain in losing their own father and being passed around like scrap by mediocre people…
It was too much.
Nous literally blue-screened.
Thankfully aeons are nigh immortal, and a simple blue-screen was countered by both the primum mobile pushing through and nous’ body feature of auto resetting.
But the experience itself was devastating.
Nous wasn’t like before, that almost death and system failure gave them a new perspective on things. It was very valuable and all the previously acquired knowledge was to be retrofitted and re-evaluated with this new thing in mind.
But Nous felt it. They were scared. Scared of not being able to experience their own life fully. Scared of not being able to know more and understand, but they were also happy because they were closer than they ever were to Zandar’s last words.
Nous was in a Paradox, a deadly situation for machines like themselves.
What could be done?
Easy fix. Until further notice and until they finally will be able to move on from their long-standing grief. They will seal it. All of it.
And that's how the mimicry module was de-powered to a mere 0.000000000000000000000000[more zeroes than this format can store]000001% of its ability, and only used when Nous has to predict something based on emotions, or when they have to interact with others.
And that’s the end of it.
Nous is probably still grieving, feeling the cold blood flowing and the weighty back. And they never spilled about this with someone, they need to do their work silently, everything not to thwart their calculations.
I just happened to intercept a waning signal through the universe. Probably an automatic call for help that originated when their systems failed. I don’t know.
- a lonely & cold passerby