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Adora doesn’t know what’s waiting for her at home. It’s almost the entire reason she even considered Greek life, let alone actually committed to a sorority. The other reason was sitting on the couch across from her, cackling at whatever joke she’d just heard.
Glimmer. Adora could stare at her for hours, if she’d ever let her. The way her purple hair shone iridescent under the right light, the way her freckles seemed to form their own constellation -- it was like a Renaissance painting, if Adora was being honest.
“Adora, what do you think?”
One of Glimmer’s friends, Bow, asks her with a hearty chuckle. He’s funny, and has a way of making the people around him feel safe. The two of them are great at that. She really admires the two of them for that.
“Sorry? I was kinda spaced out.” Adora takes a sip of her drink, watching as Bow struggles to light up his crudely-wrapped joint. She’s never been much of a smoker, except for when she was around Catra.
Bow laughs as Glimmer fights the joint out of his hand, using her own lighter to finally get the job done. “Do you think our intro to biology professor is hot? I do, but Glimmer doesn’t agree-”
Glimmer cuts in, “That’s not true! I said I don’t find any man hot! Not the same thing.” Adora listens as the two bickered about the semantics for a moment, smiling softly as she thinks about her answer.
“I guess so, but he kinda looks like any other mid-forties professor.” Adora shrugs as the joint is passed to her, taking a gentle drag. She exhales smoke as she adds, “But his wife teaches anatomy, and she is gorgeous.” Adora coughs a bit as she hands the joint off to the next person, keeping it as quiet as possible.
Bow scoffs, and Glimmer lets out a triumphant laugh. “And that’s EXACTLY what I said! Hell yeah.” She smiles, and Adora can’t help but stare. Glimmer doesn’t seem to notice anything, but when Adora finally catches Bow’s gaze, she notices one of his eyebrows is cocked. He opens his mouth, but rethinks his choice when Adora’s eyes narrow at him. Adora isn’t sure if it was out of respect or fear, but she supposes it doesn’t matter.
“Shoulda known; I can’t make straight friends for the life of me.” Bow chuckles to himself as he finally takes a hit of the joint he brought. He coughs almost as soon as the smoke slithers into his lungs. It’s funny for a minute or two, but gets more concerning the longer it goes on.
Eventually Adora sighs, “Try not to cough too hard, hot stuff. I’ll go find you some water.” She groans softly as she stands, somehow still sore from practice that morning. “Glimmer, make sure he doesn’t die. I’ve seen at least two horror movies that start off just like this.”
Adora decides to take the quote-un-quote moment of peace to think as she struggles to navigate this mansion of a house party. About Glimmer and Bow, about how lucky she is to have met them at orientation. But of course, about Catra too. This is the exact kind of party she’d take Adora to when they were still in high school.
Moving away has been good for Adora’s mental health; she’s never felt this secure before. But she misses the old days, when she and Catra would sneak out and squat in abandoned houses. They would pretend they were entirely different people, people who lived simple, happy lives. Adora remembers pretending to make a grocery list, and serving McDonalds at the dinner table like it was a home-cooked meal.
Looking back, Adora knows it wasn’t a healthy way to cope. It was dangerous, and it did nothing but feed into both of their delusions. But she still misses it. God, she misses how Catra would nuzzle into her chest, and how her fingers felt as they combed through her hair. If she tries hard enough she can remember the smell of Catra’s perfume.
It doesn’t take Adora long to find a few bottles of water strewn about the house. Still lost in thought, Adora doesn’t notice the other person reaching for the same bottle as her. She recoils as a hand clasps her own, and her stomach fucking drops. She shouldn’t recognize the way her hand cups into this stranger’s, and she certainly shouldn’t be filled with dread either. Oh no. The smell of oaky vanilla overwhelms her, and Adora feels as if she might be sick.
“Catra?”
Adora looks up, and sees the face of her ex-girlfriend contorted in disgust. Adora tries to get another word out but it’s no use -- Catra’s already bolted. “Fuck.” Adora hisses under her breath, forgetting all about the water bottle. There’s no sign of Catra, which should be a good thing, but Adora feels panicked. She has a pretty good idea of where Catra ran off to. She doesn’t want to check -- what she wants is to go back to her friends, finish that joint, and order a ride home so she can sob into her pillow.
But she can’t make her legs move, not back to Glimmer and Bow. What if she never sees Catra again? Could Adora live with herself without saying sorry? It would be easier to leave, so much easier.
And yet Adora still makes her way upstairs and to the balcony. Sure enough, she sees the back of Catra’s head and a stream of smoke in front of her. For a moment Adora hesitates, hand hovering so carefully over the sliding door separating the two of them. Come on Adora. This isn’t the time to pussy out.
She forces herself forward.
Catra doesn’t turn to greet her, still propping herself against the railing. Adora takes this as a sign to keep going, and walks next to her. They both watch as Catra finishes off her blunt, putting it out with her fingers and flicking the remains over the ledge.
“Want another?” Adora fishes a loose joint out of her pocket. Catra looks at her, thinks for a moment, and then plucks it out of her hand.
Catra is silent as she lights it and takes the first drag. It takes a moment to light, given how long her nails are, but Adora knows better than to offer help without Catra asking for it. They spend a few moments staring up at the moon, before finally, Catra speaks.
“Did you start smoking more in college?”
Adora shakes her head. “Not any more than I used to. Why?”
Catra stares at her for a moment, as if the answer should be obvious. “Where’d you get the joint from, then?”
Adora laughs dryly at the question. “Do you actually not remember?” When she’s met with silence, she elaborates, “I always brought one when we went out. You’d always bring two or three and then start bitching about wanting one before I drove you home.“
Catra sighs out a puff of smoke, “Why do you still have one then? I thought you didn’t care about me anymore?”
Adora’s hand grips at the railing’s old wood, uncaring of the splinters. “Catra, you know that’s not true-”
“Oh, really? Because I thought that you said I was ‘too much’ once you made it into this smug-ass college.” Catra hisses. She becomes suddenly aware of the joint in her hand, the fact it's lit.
“That’s not what I said!” Adora doesn’t remember the exact words from their last conversation -- she made every effort not to. But distinctly, she remembers explaining everything to Catra. “I told you that it was too much to try to sabotage my fucking application! Which, again, it was! God, can you still not see that?”
Catra practically growls out her response. “Clearly it didn’t work! You fucking left me, Adora! You promised not to go unless I got accepted too. And yet, you’re here! And yet, I still see pictures of you and that fucking cheer captain on instagram!”
“You’ve been stalking my instagram?” Adora still sounds mad, and Catra starts to panic as everything begins to escalate. She can’t find a way out of this -- God, she’s stuck, and she can tell she’s starting to lose her grip on what’s currently happening. Adora raises her voice again.
Without thinking Catra presses the lit end of her joint into Adora’s arm and holds it there, her eyes wide with terror.
Both women are silent, stunned. The pain barely registers to Adora; nothing registers.
Adora is suddenly back in her childhood home. She doesn’t hear Catra’s frantic apologies, doesn’t even notice when Catra waves a hand in front of her face. All Adora can see is her childhood sweetheart, and the blood stuck under her nails. Adora feels her cheek and recoils at the sting, shocked to find blood staining her fingers.
“Adora, I-I’m so sorry,” Catra is pale, clearly fighting back tears. “I didn’t mean to - I thought - I thought you were-”
Adora blinks. Different memories blur together, each a different time when Catra had hurt her by accident. Sometimes it was a scratch, sometimes it was something scarier. Another blink, and Adora remembers all the times she found Catra crying on their rooftop. Always bruised, always beaten.
Sometimes Catra would hurt her on purpose. Adora could always tell the difference, because honestly, it was too painful not to notice. Sometimes, Catra would look afraid. And other times she’d look furious. Catra would always apologize, but sometimes she would refuse to meet her gaze.
She never said anything. Adora knew that Catra was hurting, probably more than anyone she’d ever met at her age. If Catra felt better after hurting Adora, she would be strong and take it.
But we were both hurt. By her.
It was only through therapy that Adora would realize her mother (and Catra’s technically-foster-mother) had done everything to make them hate each other. The only time Shadow Weaver would hug Adora was when Catra could see; all of her love came with intent. Adora didn’t know the extent of which Catra was abused. Just that it was worse.
Adora blinks rapidly, her vision slowly clearing back to reality. “Adora, I’m so fucking sorry, I wasn’t thinking and I was just so angry and I-” In front of her is Catra, wide eyes staring into hers, and arms shaking. It makes Adora’s heart fucking ache.
Adora shakes herself back into her body, causing Catra to flinch and her body to tense. Her ache morphs into something more as she realizes Catra is standing there waiting for Adora to hit her.
“Did you ever look into that therapist I sent you?”
Catra is still for a breath, before eventually shaking her head. “I met with her once or twice. I tried, but I just… I see Shadow Weaver in everyone.” Gently, oh so gently, Catra wipes off the ash remaining on Adora’s arm. “Even you, sometimes.”
There is a part of Adora that wants to respond, but she knows how important this is. Catra is not only talking to her, but venting. Considering Catra’s practically allergic to vulnerability, Adora knows how big of a deal this is.
Catra sighs as she runs a hand through her hair “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come tonight. I probably could have guessed it would turn out like this." A heartless chuckle falls from her lips.
“No. I’m glad you did.” Adora smiles over at Catra, who finally averts her gaze. “I… I never liked how I left things. I was so mad at you that I forgot why you did what you did. And I just left you with her… fuck, are you okay?” Adora wishes Catra didn’t waste her last joint.
It’s impossible to read Catra’s expression, which is especially strange for Adora. All Adora notices is the way people are feeling and the way they react to her. Eventually, Catra shrugs. “I mean, are you?”
Adora sighs sharply. “I am -- at least, I’m getting better. That’s kinda the point of therapy, y’know. But that’s not what I asked. Catra, are you… are you still living with her?”
Catra nods. “I’m working on it, though. My girlfriend and I have been saving for a little bit now.” Adora’s concerned expression softened.
“Good.”
There’s a beat of awkward silence.
“I’m sorry for leaving you like I did. I should have been more careful.” Adora has practiced this apology with her therapist at least ten times -- and she still doesn’t feel prepared for this moment.
Catra shakes her head. “No, it’s okay.” She takes a breath. “I shouldn’t have hurt- You didn’t deserve- I should have-”
Adora cuts her off with a hug. “I know what you mean.” She is again overwhelmed by Catra’s perfume, but this time, the only thing she can think about is how nice it smells.
Catra is the one to break the hug, and before she has a chance to change the subject herself, Adora immediately pipes in.
“So, you have a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal though-”
“Aww c’mon, don't be like that. Tell me everything!”
The two spend the next hour standing under the moon, discussing all the important updates in each other's lives. Catra tells her all about her new relationship with a nice woman named Scorpia, and Adora gives her all the gossip she can think of. Anything she thinks Catra might like.
As soon as Adora realizes how long she’s been gone from her friends, she hears a loud, Adora? You out here? and curses under her breath. “Remember that “fucking cheer captain” you talked about?”
“Oh man, is that her? She sounds exactly how I thought she woul-”
“Be nice.” Adora tries to sound serious, but it still leaves Catra snickering.
It’s only a moment or two before Glimmer popped her head through the screen door, with Bow peeking over her. “There you are! We thought you got hurt or something-”
If there’s one thing that Glimmer prides herself in, it’s knowing everything she can about her friends, and using that knowledge to keep them safe. So, when she sees Catra and recognizes her from Adora’s instagram page, she goes silent.
“Um,” Catra gives a weak little wave, wavering slightly under Glimmer’s glare. “Hey there. I take it Adora’s talked about me?”
“You have some nerve, showing up at one of our parties.” That’s all the energy she’s willing to waste on Catra. “Adora, are you okay?”
Glimmer runs over to her, who just laughs and pats her head. Glimmer huffs and puffs as Adora wraps her arms around her. “I’m fine, Glimmer.” When she’s met with a questioning look, Adora gives her and Bow the run down of what happened.
“Glad to know you at least tried to get me water.” Bow laughs, wrapping one arm around Adora and another around Catra. “I’ve heard you can smoke with the best of ‘em. Wanna join us?”
Catra is caught completely off-guard by the offer. “Oh- um…” Catra considers just cutting her losses and leaving, heading back to the safety of Scorpia’s bedroom. But then she gets a look at Adora, and sees the smile she’s forgotten after all this time. “Sure. I owe Adora a joint anyway.”
“You owe me so many joints, adding one to the count won’t make a difference.” Adora didn’t notice how heavy her chest had felt this whole time, not until now, when she finally feels like she can breathe again. Adora wraps her arm around Glimmer as they start to walk back to the first floor.
Bow goes to follow, but is stopped by Catra grabbing him by the arm. “Hey, Bow was it? Make sure Glimmer knows Adora has a thing for cheerleaders. And tell her to come to me if she needs a wing-woman - I know a lot about Adora."
After the initial shock, all Bow can do is laugh and start walking. “Oh man, I knew I liked you.”