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Sleep had evaded Sirius all night, so the loud crack of apparition didn't hurt him. On the contrary - it meant that Remus was back from his mission.
Sirius sprang out of bed and sprinted to the living room.
"Remus?" Sirius called out. He couldn't see him in the room.
He walked further into the room, and then he saw Remus.
Laying on the floor, covered in blood.
"Oh Merlin, Moony," Sirius exclaimed, rushing to his side instantly, "Where are you hurt? What happened?"
"Chest. Left side," Moony gasped, struggling to breath properly. Sirius pulled Remus' shirt up to reveal three deep cuts.
Luckily, Sirius had been forced to learn healing charms during his time at Grimmauld Place to heal Reg and himself, so he knew what to do.
Stupid cow was worth something after all. Sorry cows.
"Accio." Sirius poured some wound cleaning potion on the gashes, and Remus winced at the pain as smoke rose.
Next, Sirius grabbed some Essence of Dittany and mixed it with powdered silver. Remus had been with one of the werewolf packs for the full moon, so the injuries were from a werewolf. The mixture would slow the bleeding enough to heal the wounds.
Now that the wounds were clean and no longer bleeding freely, Sirius could start casting healing charms.
"Vulnera Sanentur," he chanted repeatedly, only stopping when all of the wounds had sealed up.
Remus' breath was a lot steadier now, which reassured Sirius. He knew he was good at healing, but he didn't often work on werewolf-inflicted injuries - he had left that to Pomfrey when they were in Hogwarts.
"Remus, I need you to drink some blood-replenishing potion now, okay, love?"
Remus nodded, still fairly weak. Sirius started pouring potions into Remus' mouth, and Remus started to get colour into his face again.
Once they'd finished with the potions, Sirius helped Remus onto the sofa and made him a cup of tea with some pain relief.
"Drink this, Moons, it'll make you feel better," Sirius said, handing him the mug.
Remus smiled weakly. "Thanks, Pads."
Patience wasn't Sirius' strong suit, but he tried for Remus' sake not to ask him a million questions straight away.
He lasted about four and a half minutes. (A new record! Really, everyone should be proud of me.)
"Remus, what happened to you?"
"There was a skirmish. A rival pack who wanted to use the forest on the moons. The leaders started fighting, and then all hell broke loose," Remus explained.
"Was the pack allied with Voldemort?"
"I think so. I was with a neutral pack, trying to build my cover to eventually infiltrate Greyback's packs. I guess Voldemort's given up on recruitment and is focusing on total domination."
"Fuck," said Sirius, "The Order really needs to get the other neutral packs allied quickly or we won't have any."
Remus nodded gravely." I think that's why Voldemort chose massacre over recruitment. Allies can defect, but dead bodies can't fight."
They sat in silence for a while. If Voldemort really was just straight up killing any werewolf that wasn't on his side, even neutral packs, then Remus' missions were going to get a lot more dangerous. He'd been lucky this time, but neither of them had ever had much luck. How long until it ran out, and Sirius lost Remus forever?
"I can't stop seeing them in my mind," Remus whispered, "While we were all waiting for the moon, I was looking around at everyone to see if I could recruit anyone for the Order. There was a girl with the pack, she only looked about thirteen. Her throat was ripped out right in front of me. And there was a man, around my mum's age, I think. He had a wife and kids back home, his youngest just did her OWLs, and he's dead."
Sirius' heart broke for Remus. They'd both had lives full of shitty, awful things, but Sirius had never witnessed a massacre and survived by the skin of his teeth.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, putting a comforting hand on Remus’ arm.
Remus' head spun around to face Sirius, eyes blazing.
Oh no. Wrong thing to say.
"Okay? Am I okay?" Remus repeated, "No, I'm not okay! Of course I'm not bloody okay, Sirius, I just watched a hundred people be murdered. A hundred innocent people, whose only crime was existing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most of those people never got an education or a wand, they couldn't have apparated away even if they weren't transformed. They're all dead, and I'm still here, so no, I'm not okay, Sirius, I'm never going to be okay, because they're gone and I'm still here. I'm still bloody here. Why am I still here?"
Sirius didn't know what to say. He knew that whatever he said would only make Remus angrier and more upset, so for once in his damn life, he kept his mouth shut. For a bit, anyway.
Sirius put an arm around Remus ' shoulder and drew him in
close.
"I'm sorry you had to see that, Moons. And I'm sorry about all those people. They didn't deserve what happened to them."
"It's not just them, though. This is what happens to every werewolf. Not the murder part, or at least not like this, but the rest of it, especially if they're turned young like... like I was. They can't go to Hogwarts, can't get any kind of job, not in the Wizarding World anyway. Everyone's prejudiced against them, so they're either going to end up alone or have to be constantly lying and sneaking out, and then they're going to lose people anyway. Did you know that the average lifespan of werewolves in Wizarding society is only 38? So many get killed or driven to suicide, and this isn't even including the ones who live with a pack in the wild."
"Merlin, that's terrible."
"Yeah, it is. And I've never had to deal with any of it. I mean, obviously I've got the transformations, which are fucking awful, and there's general prejudice, but I've had an education, I have friends, I have a pretty good family, comparatively," he listed, "So why don't I feel fucking lucky?"
"Because luck is bullshit! Sirius declared, "It isn't a real thing, and we all know it. However many years ago, some bastard fucked up his life and blamed it on luck because he wouldn't face the consequences of his own actions. Sometimes, shitty stuff happens to people who don't deserve it, like the pack. And sometimes, people have great lives despite the shitty stuff. Like you."
"I think that's one of the dumbest things you've ever said, and it still somehow makes complete sense," Remus said, staring at Sirius' lips.
"Top ten?" Sirius teased, running a finger up Remus 'arm.
"Give yourself some credit, Pads. Top five," replied Remus, “Now, am I fully healed?"
"You've been healed for a while. They don't call me the amazing, sexy, exquisite Doctor Sirius for nothing, sweetheart." Sirius winked.
"No one calls you that, bellend."
"You do."
"In your dreams."
"Well, yeah, how'd you know?" joked Sirius.
"Sirius, shut up and kiss me already," Remus insisted.
Sirius grinned. "With pleasure, Moons."
When their lips met, Sirius realised: as long as they had each other, he and Remus would always be okay. This war would tear them to pieces, batter them, and break them, but they would bounce back, because they were together.
The two of them, forever.