Chapter Text
It was a nice morning for Saiki. But that only lasts for 0.0001 seconds after waking up.
He had this day marked in the calendar. Why? Because the new neighbors were moving in today. Yes, all at the same time. They actually did coordinate it, and Saiki has to thank them for making the suffering only last a day and not weeks.
Three families, a single woman and a high school boy. This was going to be terrible.
He could hear the truck, as well as hear the employee’s voices. A family must already be here, then. Time to discern exactly how much trouble are they going to cause.
“It’s been days since the funeral, I hope they’re both okay” the mother?
“I’ve decided: I’ll be an idol like mom!” a little girl.
“I must use this second chance in life to find both my murderer and Ai’s murderer” , a little boy.
Wait.
What the hell did that kid just think?
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Aquamarine’s thoughts were gloomy. As they were, since Ai died. He still couldn’t quite bring himself to call her mom, not yet. Much less now that she was gone.
Ruby wasn’t as bright as before, he felt sorry for her. She loved the idol the most, Aqua can’t imagine how hard this must be for her.
He knew there were other neighbors moving in today, Miyako told them they had all coordinated.
Truth is: Aquamarine was actually on his second life. In his first life he was a doctor and also the fan of the popular idol Ai Hoshino. That very same idol one day came pregnant into his hospital and he attended her. Unfortunately, some crazy fan found this out about her.
So the crazy fan killed him.
Except, when he opened his eyes he had been reincarnated into Ai's son!
He lived a few years as her son, together with Ruby, who was also reincarnated as Ai’s daughter, until Ai got murdered by the same crazy fan right in front of his eyes.
There's only one person that could've known where was Ai living: the father of Ai's children.
So now he was on a quest to find that bastard and get revenge.
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Excuse me what the fuck?
Saiki was still in bed, and now he doesn't want to get up. This meeting was going to be awful. What do you mean you reincarnated into your idol's son? What is this? What kind of anime does the author watch???
Fine, he'll get up.
Saiki went downstairs and had breakfast. His parents were insufferable as always but he still solved their problem so he didn't have to suffer all day long. He decided to check in on the neighbors, the Hoshino family, the ones that had been living in the neighborhood for many, many years. He heard the thoughts of the daughter, Anzu Hoshino.
“Huh?? What is this?? A fairy? A gnome? What in the world?????”
God, don't give me more troubles.
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Anzu had a very normal morning.
She got up early despite being a Saturday so she could go buy the new edition of her favorite videogame saga: The Dragon Child!
But, when she loaded the game, it seems the store made a mistake. This wasn't The Dragon Child, it looked more like a… a romance game?! Who in the store could make such a mistake? Anzu was gonna get up to go ask them for a refund, romance wasn't really her thing.
But something came out of the TV.
It was round, yellow, the size of a football, wearing a wizard hat and cape and holding a small magic wand. What is this thing?? A fairy? A gnome? Someone who’ll refund her money real-time? A knock off minion?
“My name is Riri! And I am a love wizard, meant to help you find love!” the small yellow ball with a wizard hat, cape and wand said.
“Nah, no thank you”
“Listen here you little shit—” Riri grabbed Anzu by the collar of her shirt. “Until you fall in love and get yourself in a relationship, I will confiscate the three things you love the most:
”Chocolate.
”Videogames.
”And cats.”
Oh shit.
“What have you done, you monster!?” it was Anzu's turn to grab Riri by the collar of their cape. Anzu could only watch as her games disappeared. Suddenly, her parents burst into her room.
“Daughter! Your father got a promotion at work and we have to move to USA, and we're taking our cat with us, but we have decided since you have a social life established here in Japan we would let you live on your own~! Good luck~!”
Anzu fell to the floor on her brand new Home Alone knock off plot, with a knock off wizard minion floating right next to her.
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What do you mean knock off wizard minion? What the hell is a love wizard??
I'm starting to think maybe I should move to another country as well, so I don't have to deal with whatever crazy crossover the author has planned.
“Saiki, we should greet the neighbors that arrived!” his mom called.
Those psychopaths? I'd rather move to the USA.
“You will greet the neighbors.”
I will greet the neighbors.
And so, Saiki got dressed and stepped outside. Just as another truck was parking in front of a house. Oh great, even more neighbors. Some may say God loves me for the powers he granted me but God is actually a bitch for not leaving me alone.
Alright, let's see just how much problem this family is.
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Anya is happy to have such an interesting dad!
Dad is a spy (☞ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)☞ who adopted Anya to be his secret weapon! (≧∇≦) A psychic who can read minds and the world's top spy join forces to save the world! ( ✧Д✧) together with mom, an assassin! She’s amazing! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ
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He's heard enough.
Saiki promptly turns around and walks back into his house.
Why does she have emojis in her thoughts? Most importantly, did she say she's a psychic?? AND HER DAD A SPY??? AND HER MOTHER AN ASSASSIN??!
Saiki considered flying himself into the sun.
And he only now noticed somebody had already moved in while he was having breakfast. He thanks that new neighbor for being quiet about it. Speaking of quiet, will they maintain the same level of normalcy from here on out?
He prays they won't be like the rest of the neighbors. Please God, send someone normal.
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Su Moting doesn't even know Japanese, why did that goddamn Food God send her here? She was living perfectly well back in China!
She had to change her entire life just cause her parents wanted to travel the world. Why did they even tell her the truth?
One day, her parents simply told her they are a God and a Beast Woman, and they didn't even tell her about it because she's some kind of powerful chosen one who can wield the power of both Gods and Beasts. No! She's a regular human through and through!
They just told her so they could force her to be an ambassador for both Gods and Beast Men alike. She had to teach Gods to be objects and Beast Men to be animals. Because every single object in the world was a God and every single animal was a Beast Man.
So, she was moving into her new apartment together with her cellphone Tianji and her cat Dikui. Which were obviously a God and a Beast Man.
She just hopes the job isn't too hard.
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Why did I mention God?
By now, Saiki is convinced he must have a curse of some kind, because the weirdest people in the world keep flocking to him.
“Saiki, why are you still here? Didn't your mother tell you to go greet the neighbors?” his dad found him on the entrance to the house.
You shut up, you don't instill fear in others like mom does. The best you can instill is pity.
But yeah, his mom is gonna be mad if he doesn't greet the neighbors. But then again, he'd rather die.
He figures he'll just go buy some coffee jelly just so he doesn't have to deal with the wrath of his mother, at least for now.
So he heads out to the store, pointedly ignoring the neighbors, old and new, and makes a bee line for the coffee jelly. As he reaches for it, someone else does as well.
This better not be a cheap romance plot.
“Oh, sorry, did you want that?” the black haired boy apologizes. He looks one year younger than himself, and dressed in awful fashion.
The odd thing is that Saiki can't read his mind.
“Is something wrong?”
No, nothing.
But the boy keeps looking at him questioningly, not hearing the mental way Saiki tends to speak to others. Rather than talking, Saiki prefers to speak directly into someone's mind. Odd. It has never failed him before.
He suddenly remembered a high school boy was also moving in.
“Are you new in the neighborhood?” Saiki didn't like using his voice, it was bothersome, but he will if he must.
“Oh, yeah, I’m moving in—”
“We're neighbors” and Saiki decided to gamble. If there was already another psychic girl in the neighborhood, why wouldn't there be another? “Are you by any chance a psychic?”
“Oh, yeah, my name is Shigeo Kageyama, but people call me Mob. How did you know I was am esper?” Mob’s face lit up “Are you an esper too?” Saiki wasn't used to the term esper. It seems this boy has met many like them if his reaction is so tame.
“Can you read minds?” Saiki cut to the chase, cause he really didn't like using his voice.
“Uh, no, that's not one of my powers…”
“So why do you have a mind barrier?”
“Oh, so you're a telepath. Would you prefer to speak into my mind?” he says it like it's the most natural thing in the world. How many psychics does this kid know. Why can he control his powers like it took no effort??
But yeah, not using his voice would be great.
“Alright, I'll let you speak into my mind” the boy beams. Saiki still couldn't read his thoughts, but he guesses anyone would want to protect the privacy of their thoughts.
Name's Saiki Kusuo, your neighbor. You better not cause trouble.
“I'll try my best” said Mob sheepishly. Saiki felt like his best wouldn't be enough. Especially if he knew many more psychics.
Saiki bought his coffee jelly (finally) while making small talk with Mob. Apparently, the boy had moved to Saiki's city from the neighbouring Seasoning City because of high school, living together with other two espers he met long ago: Sakurai and Koyama. They had been living in this city for two, almost three, years, and when they heard Mob got his application accepted into a high school in that exact same city, they invited him to move with them.
Mob still had his parents and his brother living in Seasoning City, and also a weird sorta parental figure he calls “shishou” who's literally a fraud that manages to still help people. How???
Just as Saiki and Mob were walking through their street, yet another truck parked in front of yet another house. This is it, God, your last chance to give him something normal in his life.
“Is it really okay we adopted this child because we were hired to kill her dad?”
Aaaand there goes the last chance.
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Kazuki was a hitman. He had been for many years now, together with his roommate Rei. They've had their highs and lows over the years, but they're still friends and coworkers, even if they don't talk about their pasts.
The reason they were moving? It's all thanks to their last job: the target was a wealthy man so they'd get really good pay, but apparently the man had had a child out of wedlock. Said child had gone to meet her dad on the very same party and day they were meant to kill him. So they did what any reasonable hitman would do and adopted her. Kinda illegally, but she's now their daughter, since the mother didn't want her back.
So Kazuki and Rei were moving into this new house with Miri not only to be closer to her kindergarten but also to leave the former cold stainless house the two single men were living in as a vacation house (read: operation base) and live in a more cozy and warm house, perfect for Miri to grow up in.
They'll try their best to not let their daughter know they kill people for money!
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Well, at least they're good parents.
BUT WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE HITMEN!!!!?????
Mob didn't understand why Saiki's face was one of someone who was done with the world. “Something wrong with the neighbors?”
Not worse than what the others have got going on.
Mob seemed to take that positively, unaware of what Saiki meant.
“So, how are the other neighbors doing? The old ones, I mean” Mob asked him, eager to get to know everyone.
Well, Anzu is rather normal, although today is not a very normal day for her, and as for the Takakuras… I haven’t checked on them yet, let me do a quick sweep.
“I never thought I’d fight aliens one day”
Yeah, okay, the Takakura boy is the farthest from normal he could be.
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All I ever wanted was a friend, and when Ayase-san saved me from those bullies, I thought I had finally found a kindred soul. And then we started fighting because she believed in yokai and I believed in aliens, so we dared eachother to go hunting for them.
So a grandma yokai called Turbo Granny stole my schlong and the serponian aliens tried to extract ayase-san… uterus? I don’t exactly know what they meant by “banana”. Thankfully she awoke psychic powers and got us out of that situation. But Turbo Granny still had my thingy so we asked for Ayase-san’s grandma’s help, we got attacked by another alien, I unlocked a super cool but super tiring transformation, and with her grandma’s help we managed to outrun Turbo Granny and get my thingy back.
I can’t wait to see her in school again! My first friend, I’m so happy.
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“Are you okay?” asked Mob upon seeing Saiki crouching down with his hands on his face. Aliens? Yokai? Saiki once again considered flinging himself to the sun so he wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.
They walked back to Saiki’s house, Mob living in the nearby apartment complex, one floor above the God-Beast Chinese lady. While walking, Saiki gave Mob a rundown of what the fuck everyone’s deal was. He didn’t seem particularly surprised about any of the things Saiki was telling him. Oh, he was definitely going to cause trouble. Finally, they said goodbye by Saiki’s door.
“See you tonight at the neighborhood party” Mob waved goodbye. Oh right. Saiki was screwed.
Reincarnated children, psychics like him, a guy who had a way too close encounter with yokai and aliens, a girl who was haunted by a “knock-off minion” whose sole mission was to make her get a boyfriend, a woman who was half-god and half-beast man, two hitman, an assassin and a spy.
Someone get him outta here.