Chapter Text
That night went shitty.
He decided to recall exactly how, and when he fucked it all up, walking into the late-night corner store alongside his dearest cousin. They decided that picking up some snacks would help them both to recover, somehow. Ben's idea, even though Aiden thought it was the stupidest logic, he really didn't want to be alone.
Tonight they were on a mission. The group had been preparing for weeks, but of very course he messed it up for everybody. Why is he even surprised anymore, Aiden knows how unreliable he is, he's lived with himself for years. Honestly, Aiden couldn’t even remember the half of it, whatever had happened was coming back in blurry, stressful clumps. Taking a glance over at Ben, Aiden made note of his own stature, expression, breathing. Making sure he looks composed. It almost feels like he's in two seperate bodies at the same time, in the same place, but the other's decided to tear itself apart where he stood. It tore and thrashed from its containment, its confined space in the real world. He almost compared it to the Phantom Dimension, the thought making his face twist slightly, before he set it again. Not going back there right now.
Aiden has his arms suppressing the mass of 'snacks' he was holding, not one package had a chance of doing his body any sort of good. But he assumes it doesn't matter, he doesn't feel hungry anyways. By the time Aiden had finished browsing the small store, Ben was already outside, waiting for him. Aiden can't just leave him hanging. Focusing his eyes to the present matter in-front of him, his eyes blankly study every little hole and crevice of the basket he finally decided to use. Dumping everything he has in his arms into the basket, he calls out some autopilot excuse to Ben, something along the lines of, "You get home, I'll be there soon. Gotta rack all these up!".
Now, Aiden wouldn't admit it for nothing. He wasn't really planning to take twenty minutes paying for a few things. He lulls himself with his thoughts in the meantime. They put a terrible pressure on his skull, pounding, numbing everything else, taking away a worse pain at the same time. Aiden supposes that's okay.
Closing in on one of the isles, nearer to the end, he finds himself at an isle he'd previously feigned little interest in. That couldn't be much farther from the truth, knowing him. Aiden had to use most of his conscious efforts to steer away whilst ben was there. It was the only aisle lined with generic hygiene products, very usual items, like most stores should have. Luckily for him, though, that included a special certain.. paraphernalia. One of captivating sorts, addicting, if you will. The glint took his gaze harshly, narrowing him to look at nothing but itself. The poor boy stared into the reflection of the case, making sure to avoid his own gaze as he studied. That'll do.
He clutched it quickly, dropping the unusual item casually in with the rest of his groceries, hurrying to the counter and once again putting on his public mask of casualty. That could have been seen as sad, or pathetic, that he almost couldn't put on a mask around strangers. Acquaintances. Who was he kidding, he couldn't let the mask down around anyone, even friends, as much as he begged and cried to himself to stop (and trust him, he did, more than you'd think), he couldn't let it down. The mask merged with his own face, formed and molted with skin, plastered by tears and sweat and time. Nails dragging down the suffocating fear Aiden had learnt to accept. He couldn't escape. Aiden can't let go.
Flipping a few coins to the clerk, he bags his items hurriedly, the crisp plastic bag being crushed and stretched with his lack of care.
Aiden choked on his tears, unsure if he was even crying. It could be blocked by the mask for all he knew, and he did know, much more than people thought. He rushed around to smack his back against a side wall in a small alley, lit so dim. It was refreshing against his eyes, the vivid lights from before still blaring from behind his eyelids. His breathing was heavy, and stuttered with choking. Labouring to drag a weak hand across his cheek, his fingers came back dry. Ah. He was crying underneath the mask. He'd been wondering how much damage his face could take, under his skin. The tears always had to go somewhere. He thought again, wondered if soon, his face would shrivel or burn or dissolve from the inside out, leaving him with holes and welts he'd have a hard time explaining. Guess he'd find out soon.
Aiden shakes the wet, buzzing crumbs from his brain harshly, squeezing his eyes and knotting his face, dropping down the wall onto the floor, taking to a tense, hunched sit. He's unable to start crying, although his face shifts and contorts, cheeks flushing painfully with tears that can't be there. Hard, grey pulsing soon overtook his brain, distantly distracting him from the invisible tears. He bangs his head against the wall he's supported against, tearing up slightly, banging harder each time until the horrific feeling in his head goes. Almost as soon as he started, he stopped.
He fumbles with the bag, almost dropping it a few times, feeling around the outside with shaking fingertips. His lips quiver, his eye just after. Soon he feels a familiar-shaped box packed in with the rest of his items. Without hesitation he limply reaches in, and after hardly any digging at all, pulls out exactly what he's looking for, the blades rattling kindly in their box as he holds it against his chest. Aiden exhales deeply, calming his nerves up to a better degree.
Sitting there in mostly silence for a few minutes, he enjoys the peace of the sharp wind blowing though his clothes. He's suddenly very grateful he told Ben to go earlier, call him selfish but boy was Aiden glad he had this moment just to himself. Although, as everyone knows, nice moments can't last forever. Just as his hands stop shuddering, he leans back against the wall properly, lifting his chin into the open night air, unfortunately catching a few sprinkles of water. Right. He has to get home right now.