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It was a cold night. The stars shone with spectacular radiance upon the dark canvas sky. The moon was in its waning crescent phase, eager to hide itself from the world using the darkness of the shadows. The tall green trees swayed slightly as the wind danced around them. The light breeze sent chills down the spines of those who dared not sleep. Allen was one such person, though the chill didn’t bother him. Nothing could at the moment. He was too deep in his thoughts and emotions. He was drowning and there was no way out.
“The fire has been lit!” his traveling partner, Lavi, exclaims.
Lavi looks over to Allen and notices he’s spacing out. He chuckles to himself. He always finds his friend amusing. Lavi is a little concerned for Allen however. The man has been spacing out frequently in the past month. It has been getting chilly outside ever since fall decided to replace summer. Maybe Allen had a minor cold.
Lavi walks over to Allen and shakes his shoulder. Allen blinks for a few seconds and looks up at Lavi. “C’mon, the fire started. Let's get you warmed up.”
Allen sits up and walks over to the fire. He sits down on a makeshift log chair and gazes at the fire with tired eyes. The flames remind him of his time as a soldier; all that senseless killing for something so meaningless. All that destruction and all that scorched land just for some spices or ore. What was the point? He's seen entire orphanages burn to the ground with children inside, he's seen families scramble and try to put together their unrecognizable dead, he's seen it all and he's been the reason for it all. His fellow soldiers disgusted him greatly. They didn't care about the innocent civilians, they didn't care about the importance of their places of worship, they didn't care about anything but pleasure and winning. He's tried to stop them before and even tried saving civilians, but it doesn't matter. He's still a monster at the end of the day. There's no point in his pity party.
Lavi looks over at Allen and sighs. He can tell the tired man is thinking heavily about something, but he knows how secretive he can be. He'll never get an answer from him. Instead, he'll try and take his mind off of whatever may be worrying him. Lavi looks up at the sky and thinks for a moment.
“The sky is rather beautiful tonight. It'd be perfect for a date~” he jokes.
Silence met him.
Lavi sighs once again and clears his throat. “Say, it's rather-”
“Would you ever love a monster?” The question escaped the ex-soldier’s lips unexpectedly.
Lavi was caught off guard for a moment. He wasn't prepared for a sudden deep question. It was uncharacteristic for Allen. This intrigued him. Lavi ponders it for a long moment and says, “I mean, if one existed, I would judge if I would love one based on its character.”
Allen stays silent for a minute. “Even if it took the lives of many innocent people? Even if it destroyed the land Mother Nature tries so hard to protect?”
Lavi looks at Allen, a new concern washed over him. Where was this troublesome man taking this conversation?
“Those are things that monster has done in the past. Even though those blasphemous things are unforgivable, the monster can still redeem itself by making amends. Even a monster is capable of becoming something precious.” Lavi says.
Allen's brows furrow and his gaze on the fire intensifies. “But the fact remains that no matter what the monster does, it can't take back all those lives it took, all those flames it started, all those buildings ravaged.”
Lavi knows exactly what Allen is talking about now. This whole time, the downsides of being a soldier tarred his wings and locked his heart in a prison of guilt and sorrow. This disheartened Lavi. He genuinely indescribably cared about Allen. He wanted the ex-soldier to have a good life before Nea took over his body.
“Well, just like the Akuma, sometimes monsters are made because they're forced into it by an overpowering force. Your average soldier is forced and pressured into becoming a beast. It doesn't have to stay that way forever though.” Lavi explains.
“That doesn't excuse its behavior.” Allen retorts.
“It doesn't, but it adds depth to it. Not everything is black and white. Sometimes things are grey and that grey is why redemption is a very possible path for a monster. Grey is okay.” Lavi explains
Allen stays quiet. He grabs a stick and throws it into the fire. He watches the embers flutter up to the sky and disappear. He scoffed. It was just like him in a way. The fiery spirit he once had burnt out, forever to remain as dissipated smoke in the vast sky. He wished he himself could do that too.
“Sometimes I regret taking Nea up on his offer. I should have stayed dying on that field.”
Lavi was alarmed. This conversation was going to unhealthy places and he didn’t like that. “Why do you think so?”
Allen sighs and keeps his gaze on the fire. “Because then I wouldn’t have to destroy anymore.”
Lavi sighs and sits up. He walks over to Allen and sits down next to him. He wraps an arm around the ex-soldier’s waist and gently grabs his chin with the other. He turns Allen’s face toward him so they can look at each other. Lavi gently moves his hand to Allen’s cheek and cups it. He rubs his thumb against the tired man’s cheek lovingly.
“But if it wasn’t for you living, I would still be searching for my purpose in life. We are both cursed to have things weigh us down, but we must rebel against those restraints. Even if it’s the hardest thing in the world to do, we have each other to help get rid of those weights.”
Allen leans his head into Lavi’s warm calloused hand. “You bring comfort to me but I am undeserving.”
Lavi presses his forehead against Allen's. “Nonsense, look at all the good you've done since encountering Nea. You deserve a break from strife.”
Allen sighs. “But-”
Lavi pulls Allen close and places a soft kiss on his lips. Allen's eyes widened in shock. They stay locked in the sweet kiss for a long while. He enjoyed the kiss but he wanted to pull away and yell at Lavi for foolishly doing this. Lavi deserved to give his love to someone better, someone gentle and kind.
Lavi pulls away and looks into Allen's eyes again. “You have the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen,” he says quietly. “Just like grey sapphires.”
Allen gently pushes Lavi away from him. “Stop.” Allen looks away from Lavi, disdain painting his face. “Go find someone worthy of your time.”
“Why would I need to find them if they're right in front of me?” Lavi questions as he places a hand on top of Allen's.
Allen looks back at Lavi, his brows furrowed upward and his eyes spilling sorrowful tears onto the dark log beneath him. “Why?”
Lavi wraps Allen in a warm embrace and lies his head on top of Allen's. “Because I love you. Love doesn't have to have a reason nor doesn't it have to be right. All love has to be is what makes the person happy, and you, Allen, make me the happiest I've ever been. But more importantly, do I make you happy?”
Allen lets out a choked sob and clings to Lavi for dear life. “You're too good….. How can I love somebody if I can't even love myself?”
Lavi smiles and rubs his cheek against Allen's head. “You learn. Life is all about learning. We can discover your self-forgiveness together. Then, when you're ready, we can go from there.”
Allen sniffles and thinks about Lavi's proposition for a brief moment. “I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.”