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In the early hours of the morning, while the sun was still tucked into the horizon, great clouds churned above the dilapidated and rusting houses of Sanctuary Hills. Creeping in from the south, the clouds absorbed radiation from the glowing sea, giving them a putrid green glow that could be seen even in darkness. Great peals of thunder boomed to announce them, and lightning touched down to earth. Inside the house with rusted blue panels, a tarp had been placed over the destroyed window, providing some small measure of protection from the radstorm.
Clicking, the internal Geiger counter in the Pip-Boy reacts to the approaching storm. The clicks are beginning to rapidly intensify the closer the storm gets, waking Iruka from his sleep. After six days in the wasteland that was the Commonwealth of Boston, he still has to take a moment to process what is happening. Wind begins to sweep through the little subdivision, the tarp caught and flapping against the house loudly. Iruka grabs the Pip-Boy from where it was sitting on the floor and buckles it around his wrist. The Geiger counter shows that he is taking on rads, a small amount but increasing with every clap of thunder.
Panicked, Iruka thinks of weakness and fatigue, the worst nausea he has ever felt, and the unpleasant sensation of Rad Away working through his veins. The candles they had found yesterday have blown out, smoke still rising from the wick as if extinguished by the wind, barely visible in the putrid colored darkness. His hands scramble as he flips on the light of the pip boy, and then he has to blink away spots at the sudden bright light.
On the floor, Kakashi sleeps on his back above his bed roll. As the light fills the room, he holds up a hand and turns his face away, “Iruka,” his voice is still heavy with sleep and tinged with annoyance, “What’s going on?”
“We’re taking rads,” Iruka whispers, fearfully.
Kakashi hums but doesn’t react with the same panic Iruka feels. His head turns to look towards the green light behind the white tarp, “It’s only a radstorm. Go back to sleep.” Turning around on his side, away from the light of Iruka’s Pip-Boy, Kakashi appears to fall back to sleep.
“But- But we don’t have any more Rad Away. What if we get sick?”
Kakashi sighs and for a moment Iruka thinks he’s ignoring the question, but then, “We’re inside. We won’t get that much exposure.”
Any exposure was bad in Iruka’s book. “Not that much-“
“Listen,” Kakashi interrupts, “There’s no way to avoid radiation in the commonwealth, or anywhere else. But, I suppose fresh meat like you will have less tolerance.” With every new thing Iruka learns about the commonwealth, the less he feels like he has a chance of surviving. “In my bag is a bottle of pills – RadX - take one and it will protect you. Lasts about…half a day.”
“Ok, thanks,” mumbling, Iruka gets up and finds Kakashi’s bag. He’s learned that the meds are kept in easy reach in a side pocket, and he finds the pills quickly. There are quite a few in the bottle, he notes, and swallows one red and yellow capsule dry. He isn’t sure how such a thing will help him, but Kakashi doesn’t seem worried, so he decides to trust it. He offers one to Kakashi but the man just ignores him. Either he has fallen back to sleep or he is still upset about yesterday, Iruka isn’t sure.
In under a week Iruka has woken up 200 years in the future - losing everyone he ever knew and loved - to stumble to the destroyed wreckage of his home, being stabbed and poisoned on the way. Then being recused, passing out for 3 days, and waking up to discover that he was now indentured to his rescuer. After all that, Iruka wasn’t in the best of moods yesterday, especially while dealing with the side effects of Rad Away – a potent diuretic.
Kakashi had sent him to rest after feeding him bugs and telling him that he owed him, but Iruka struggled to get any respite. When he did fall under, his sleep was restless and plagued with vivid dreams. Kakashi had woken him as soon as the sun was up, deeming him fit for work.
The neighborhood of Sanctuary Hills was recently built as part of a planned expansion outside Concord on the other side of a small river. Iruka had been fortunate in that Mizuki’s mother was the real estate agent working with the developer, and she was able to give them first dibs on one of the high demand properties. Only a single neighborhood had been built at the time the bombs dropped, with a single road connecting to a bridge over the river and curving around in a graceful arch, ending in a cul-de-sac.
Mizuki and Iruka had moved into a house right before the circular turnaround. They had been saving since before Mizuki was deployed and the day they were handed the keys was one of the best days of his life. Even Mizuki, recently returned from the front lines, seemed less withdrawn, the bags around his eyes pulling tight with his wide smile, working the BBQ grill for their Friends that helped them unpack. Family came in and out as well as neighbors, welcoming them and commenting on how nice the house was. An adorable two bedroom with a car port, baby blue tiles, and a white picket fence. Iruka had loved it. But he would never step foot in it again.
After the bombs fell, less than half of the houses completely caved in, perhaps owing to the quality and newness of the construction, and Iruka’s house was one of them. Kakashi was determined to scavenge all of them and had started at the far end while Iruka was passed out. He only had a few left and drug Iruka house to house, tearing through each one with no regard for the loss it represented.
When they got to the house they had been sheltering in, Iruka finally snapped, especially with how Kakashi had been trying to add caps to his tab whenever Iruka found something that he would need to survive. Kakashi was just talking about how Iruka would owe another 40 caps for the bedroll they found when Iruka lied and told him that it was already his because this had been his house. Kakashi had looked skeptical but Iruka managed to convince him by saying that’s why he had passed out here in the first place. Iruka didn’t usually enjoy lying, but in this case it was worth it to see the sour look on Kakashi’s face. Iruka took a vindictive joy in pointing out that he had been gracious enough to let Kakashi have some of the stuff Iruka didn’t see a use for – honestly, what was the man going to do with so many empty aluminum cans – but he was putting his foot down when it came to things he actually needed.
By the end of the day, Iruka had gotten the only slightly ripped and dirty sleeping bag, a few bobby pins Kakashi said he should hold on to, two nuka colas, a jacket, some matches, and some items to eat and drink with. The smaller items, he kept in the front pocket of the bag Kakashi had given him to carry junk in, and just having them made Iruka feel a bit more like he was on solid ground. But Kakashi had remained surly the rest of the day.
The sleeping bag was spread on top of the mattress, and Iruka sat down heavily on top of it. He flicked off the light on his Pip-Boy and dimmed the screen. He supposed he could try to be a little nicer to Kakashi. Though it grated on him how obsessed the man was with money. It’s not that Iruka didn’t understand some people’s obsession with it before the bombs fell, but for some reason he just couldn’t wrap his head around how commerce worked now. Where would Kakashi even spend it? Why bottle caps? Shouldn’t it be something more valuable, like clean water? Edible food? Was it possible that Kakashi was lying about all of it?
Unbuckling his Pip-Boy, he set it back on the floor and tucked himself inside the sleeping bag, pulling it completely over his head and listening to the ominous clicking from the Geiger counter.
✦✦✦✦✦✦✦
Iruka awoke with fear slamming his heart against his chest. He couldn’t move his body, wrapped tightly in his sleeping roll. He kicked and fought until with a snap the blankets relaxed, and he was able to sit up. Panting, he took stock of his surroundings. He was still in the remains of the Sanctuary house, it was daytime, and his Pip Boy was quiet. He pulled the covers down, noticing with annoyance that in his panic he had popped the zipper of his sleeping bag struggling to untwist himself.
It took a few minutes to fix, Iruka’s hands shaking as he worked. The nightmare began to fade from his mind, but pieces still played behind his eyes when he blinked. Giant cockroaches crawling over his legs, the heavy weight of a giant mosquito pressing him down into the mattress, stinger in his chest and pulling blood right from his heart, skeletons dressed in the clothes of his friends and family surrounding him, with Mizuki’s frozen body on the bed next to him, mouth wide in terror and eyes open, staring into nothing.
With the zipper fixed he put on his boots and bucked the Pip-Boy back on his wrist, finding the bottle of RadX left nearby. Iruka shoved it in his pocket, remembering how he wanted to try to be nicer to Kakashi.
As with all other times Iruka awoke, he found Kakashi hard at work. This time he was bent over the grill, a ready pan waiting as he cut up tatoes, a strange mutation that had the skin and outward appearance of a tomato, but when cut looked more like a potato. They were growing wild at the edge of the neighborhood, and they were both lunch and part of dinner yesterday. Kakashi didn’t spend much time preparing them for lunch, not wanting to take the time away from their daytime work hours, so they ended up tasting like ketchup covered cardboard. It was not great but Iruka was just relieved to not be eating bugs. However, for dinner Kakashi took the time to boil and season them and they actually were not half bad. It looked like today’s breakfast would be some type of hash, as he watched Kakashi dice the tatoes and open a can of cram.
Iruka sat on a box they had been using as a chair, watching Kakashi work in silence. Kakashi served him and stood while eating. Iruka picked at his food, trying not to look up at Kakashi. The Alpha still hadn’t removed his mask and Iruka assumed that he just didn’t want his face to be seen. It was easy to just focus on his food. Cram had been gross in his time and it was still gross after 200 years. At least the saltiness gave the tatoes a nicer flavor.
“We’re leaving today.” Kakashi announced, plate clean, “Pack everything up.”
Iruka nodded and shoveled the rest of his food in his mouth determinedly. “Where will we go next?”
“I want to hit up that vault you wandered out of.” Iruka felt the meal settle in his guts like lead. Ignorant of his dread, Kakashi carried on, collecting cutlery and other cooking utensils as he talked, “It sounds like you didn’t look around much and there’s gotta be something good there you missed.”
Silently, Iruka followed his lead, cleaning his plate and cutlery and packing it away, trying not to think about returning to his previous prison. He did drag his feet a bit, taking his time rolling up his sleeping bag and securing it under his pack. Standing in the bedroom, he wished he had more to his name so packing would take longer. He walked over and did the same with Kakashi’s bag, then shrugged on his pack and carried the bed roll to the living room. Kakashi was at the kitchen island, loading a clip into the 10MM he had taken from Iruka the first day they met.
“This is a good gun,” Kakashi said, checking the chamber, “Can you shoot?”
“I’m not bad,” Iruka answered, “I can hit the targets pretty consistently at the shooting range.”
“Do the targets move?”
“Sometimes.”
Kakashi gave him a considering look then surprisingly handed the gun over, “I’d rather keep this, but since you don’t really know what you’re doing, it’s safer to give you a gun that won’t jam so easily.” Iruka took the gun, considering where to put it, before Kakashi also handed over a holster. It looked worn, the leather soft and malleable.
“How much will I owe you for this?” Despite his question, Iruka took the holster and strapped it around his waist. It didn’t look like it was made for a 10 mm, but the weapon still fit.
“It’s one of those ‘job requirements’ you talked about. If you’re gonna carry my stuff you need to be able to defend my stuff.” Iruka smiled at the way Kakashi said ‘job requirements,’ like a child that just learned a new word. The Alpha continued to lecture, “I only had a few 10 mm bullets, so save them for emergencies. I’ll do most of the shooting.”
That was fine by Iruka.
Kakashi was ready shortly after. The pipe rifle hanging from his shoulders, the attached strap looked like it came from a camera bag. They walked down to the creek and thankfully there were no more giant bugs to kill. Instead of crossing like Iruka had, wading through the shallow waters, Kakashi led them downstream until they found the remains of the small bridge and crossed there.
“Never wade into water without taking RadX first,” Kakashi offered, the way he had offered all of his information the day before, with little to no explanation of the why behind it. Iruka had learned a lot so far but still had a whole lot of curiosity unsated. He learned that meds, chems, and ammo were never to be left behind. Prewar food, alcohol, and Nuka-cola were the next most valuable things, even if the cans were dented, though Kakashi did show him how to determine if they were safe to eat. Clothing in good repair was somewhat valuable, but sewing kits were preferrable. It was rare to find weapons, but Kakashi said that if he did he was to let him know immediately. Iruka assumed finding them was like finding gold, same as toilet paper, and was even more touched that Kakashi had given him his gun back.
They were halfway to the vault, Iruka’s stomach churning with each step when he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Frozen, he watched as a deer stepped out from behind a cluster of trees, nose snuffling along the leaf strewn ground. The sight warmed Iruka, the full head of antlers awe inspiring and a reminder that beauty still existed in the world. Iruka felt his face fall though when the deer lifted its head to look in his direction, revealing a second head that still continued to search the forest floor for food. In denial, he searched desperately for a second body or a second set of legs but found none. He was looking at a two headed deer.
The animal snorted at the sight of Iruka, hoof stomping at the dirt in agitation. Both heads were peering at him now and it looked like it wanted to charge. “Uhh, Kakashi…”
The Alpha ahead of him turned and looked to where Iruka’s attention was drawn. “Keep moving.”
“But it-“
“It won’t attack if we just get away from it.” Kakashi sounded unbothered to Iruka’s frustration.
“Ok, and why does it have two heads?”
“I dunno,” Kakashi had turned around and walked back to Iruka, considering the deer without much worry. “Hasn’t it always?”
“Definitely not,” Iruka answered. The deer had decided that it was done waiting for them to leave and charged. Shocked, Iruka scrambled back, tripping over a fallen branch and landing heavily on his ass. Kakashi had his rifle drawn and the first shot hit the deer right between the eyes of one head. It didn’t stop charging until a second shot took out the other one.
“Good job finding lunch, Sensei!” Kakashi smiled down at Iruka, still sprawled on his ass.
They took a break right there to Iruka’s relief. Kakashi hung the deer from a nearby tree, cleaning it and cutting off meat with the knife from his boot. Iruka started a fire and followed Kakashi’s directions to unpack the pans and some of the clean clothing they had found. He ripped them into even strips and wrapped up cuts of meat. When a venison steak was frying over the fire, it still looked like there was a lot of meat left on the carcass.
The venison was the best thing he had eaten so far, and if he took his time with every bite, that was why. He was definitely not putting off going back to the vault. “Do you hunt these often?” Iruka asked, certain that Kakashi wouldn’t turn this into a lesson and run up his bill.
Kakashi had long since finished his meal but seemed content to relax, removing his pack and stretching out along the forest floor. A Grognak the Barbarian comic held his attention, the pages only slightly damaged. “Not really.” He answered, but seemed like he was only half paying attention, “Smaller animals. With the bigger ones alot goes to waste if you don’t have a way to store it or dry it.”
Iruka could understand that. It was getting hot again and he had pulled the top of his vault suit down so he was just in the t-shirt underneath. Raw meat would quickly sour in this heat. Iruka pictured Kakashi shoving the bits they had wrapped up in the cryopods of the vault along with the frozen remains of the dead residents and was surprised when his first reaction was not horror but the admiration of the practicality. The horror came a moment later at realizing his thoughts. Was he already changing so much in just a week? Just because he finally had found food he could enjoy? Suddenly Kakashi made a whole lot more sense.
“That’s a pretty good Issue,” Iruka commented, fork gesturing to the comic.
Instead of answering, Kakashi just shrugged, going for disaffected but Iruka could tell he was absorbed in the comic. He hid a grin. Just a couple weeks ago he was confiscating that very issue from his fourth graders and now this big bad, wasteland Alpha couldn’t pull himself away, nose buried in the singed and faded pages. Well, maybe it has been more than a couple weeks.
“Did you read the one where he became King?” Iruka asked.
Kakashi’s head snapped up, comic fluttering from his hands and eyes widening in wonder and realization. Interesting, Iruka thought. He had read more of the comics when he was a kid, but occasionally peaked inside the latest seized issues on his lunch breaks, just out of curiosity. With Kakashi’s full attention, he told the story from start to finish as best as he could recall. When he ended on a cliffhanger as the issue had, Grognak losing his mystical axe in a confrontation with the sorcerer Grelok, he held out his hand and said, “That’ll be 25 caps.”
The look on Kakashi’s face was priceless - shock, pride, anger, annoyance – Iruka couldn’t contain his laughter. As he tried to pull himself together Kakashi got up and prepared to leave.
“Looks like you’re learning, Sensei.” Iruka wiped a tear from his eye. “All right. I’ll knock 25 caps off your bill this time.”
Iruka stood and began to pack up as well. Kakashi was kicking dirt over their fire when Iruka said, “I also know what happened in The Unstoppables, Manta man, but the Silver Shroud is my favorite. Want me to tell you any of those?”
Kakashi considered it, “Maybe later. But I’ll only pay if I ask first.”
“Deal.”
Iruka’s amusement buoyed him through the remainder of the walk to the vault. The joy slipped from him as the fence surrounding the entrance came into view, the skeletons of those denied entry still clinging to the chain link. They slipped in through the breaks time had created and Iruka didn’t let himself think as they approached the control pod. Inside, the computer was damaged but the elevator button still worked. Claxons whirled and lit up and alarm bells rang out. They rushed to stand on the elevator, right on the faded Vault-tec logo. The gear-shaped platform began to descend and Iruka couldn’t take his eyes off the horizon to the south, expecting a flash of light and blinding heat.
The first time Iruka made this descent, all he remembered was the way the light disappeared completely and how it felt like being swallowed by darkness. It still felt daunting to be lowered into the earth, but the midday sun remained a small speck above, even as they thudded to the bottom of the shaft and the gate clanked open. Kakashi gestured for Iruka to lead the way and he hesitantly climbed the short staircase that led to the door controls. Plugging the Pip-boy in and going through the prompts that opened the door took only half his focus and he jumped when the door opened with a hiss, loud bells ringing and lights flashing in warning as the giant door mechanism worked and pulled the heavy door away, revealing the entrance.
The alarms quieted and Kakashi walked around Iruka’s still form, boots clanking on the metal grating leading inside. The door to the overseer’s office was still open from when Iruka escaped and this is the direction Kakashi chose to go. As Kakashi disappeared into the room, Iruka was left alone at the entrance. The lockdown alarm turned off when Iruka accessed the overseer’s computer, so it is quieter than he remembered. The skeletal remains of the scientist Iruka took his Pip-boy from are still collapsed by the interior door controls, though Iruka would probably be more disturbed if it wasn’t. To his right, the boxes that they used to distribute the Vault-suits have been pushed against the wall, and he has a fleeting thought of what happened to the clothes he wore into the vault.
He can hear the beeping and key strokes as Kakashi does something with the computer in the overseer’s office and Iruka feels guilty for just standing around at the entrance. He walks over to the boxes and picks through them, noticing that there are a few vault-suits still inside their plastic packaging. He grabs them and stuffs them in his pack. Even if Kakashi can’t sell them it would be nice to have more than one set of clothes.
“How much did you notice on the overseer’s computer?”
Iruka jumps at the sound of Kakashi’s voice, turning around and finding him leaning on the doorway to the office.
“Not much,” Iruka admits, he remembers the way his hand shook, stiff and cold as his fingers struggled to press the keyboard. The way the letters swam and blurred before his eyes. “I just wanted out.”
“This vault was supposed to open after 180 days when it got an ‘all clear’ signal from Vault-tec. When it didn’t come people got worried. Supplies ran low but the overseer wouldn’t open the vault.”
“Is that when they mutinied?”
Kakashi turned and Iruka followed him back into the office, “Pretty much. Security and other staff turned against the overseer. They responded by putting the vault on lock down and demanding that they turn over weapons and supplies. But that’s where the entries end.”
Iruka gestured at the body of the overseer, the skeleton drug out of the way assumably by Kakashi in order to access the terminal. “I think we can assume that they all killed each other.”
“Yeah,” Kakashi agreed, opening the drawers of the desk and rifling through papers and pens. In one drawer, two stimpacks sat on top of a logbook. Kakashi grabbed them and waved them at Iruka, voice full of exasperation, “This is why you need to check every drawer.”
Blushing, Iruka eyed the meds. If he had only grabbed those would he have been in such rough shape upon getting to Sanctuary? Would he still owe Kakashi so much? Probably. They wouldn’t have taken care of his infection or radiation sickness.
They explored the areas Iruka hadn’t for the rest of the day, and as they avoided the cryo chambers, Iruka could almost pretend that they were in a different vault. They found separate areas for where the Overseer lived, as well as rooms where the rest of the staff ate, slept, and relaxed. Now that he was no longer suffering from long term cryosleep and shock, Iruka could see just why Kakashi was so interested in the vault. From his comments, this was one of the smaller ones he’d been in, which made sense since they found out that the residents were just a way to study the long-term effects of cryosleep.
It apparently was also in really good shape. Though it wasn’t as pristine as it had been when Iruka arrived, he could see how it compared with how he had lived for the past week, and he had no problems setting up his bedroll on top of the dusty, stale mattress in the staff rooms. However, Iruka was not getting in the showers without scrubbing them first, something Kakashi rolled his eyes at him for before jumping into the shower stall next to his, not minding the dirt and grime at all when faced with the prospect of clean warm water.
“Why don’t we just stay here?” It was difficult to judge time underground, but their stomach’s had let them know it was time for dinner. Kakashi was cooking over the stove, and they had been able to store their venison in the still functional refrigerator in the staff kitchen. Iruka was seated at one of the tables, towel drying his hair. Despite the memories and the bodies in the other room that Iruka was trying very hard not to think of, this place had everything. Power, working appliances, clean running water. He even found a Red Menace holotape for his Pip-Boy! He could hunt for food and Kakashi had showed him where the wild tatoes grew. Hell, he could probably start growing some himself. He would eventually get over the tight anxious feeling in his chest that started when the doors opened.
Kakashi flipped one of the steaks and reached for the seasonings they had found, as competent in front of the electric stove as he had been with the grill and campfire. For a moment Iruka imagined he was back in his home in Sanctuary, Kakashi cooking for the two of them in his new clean kitchen. Taking sips from a beer nearby and keeping one eye on the news report in the living room.
“We can’t.” Kakashi said.
“Why not?” Iruka picked up the comb he had liberated from a dresser and tried to work out the knots. Was long hair bad to have in the wasteland? Maybe he should cut it?
For a moment, Kakashi didn’t seem like he would answer, attention on his cooking. Then, “We just can’t. There are things I need to do and you have a debt to repay to me.”
Iruka bit back any other comment. Kakashi was acting cagey and Iruka got the feeling that there was more behind his reasoning than a debt owed. They had filled every sealable bottle they could find with the purified water in the vault. Couldn’t Kakashi sell that and make a lot of money?
A plate was placed in front of him and Kakashi set his own down on the other side of the table. Once again Iruka averted his eyes to give him privacy. However, he had to look up in shock and embarrassment when Kakashi changed the subject, “When is your next heat?”
Sputtering, Iruka felt his face heat up. He had avoided asking Kakashi much about how Omega’s were treated now. Was this part of it? Was Kakashi asking because there was an…expectation now that they were traveling together? Alpha and Omega. “That’s none of your business!”
“It is if we’re going to be traveling together.” Again Kakashi seemed absolutely exasperated with Iruka. However, he seemed to take a beat and gave Iruka another of those considering looks. Iruka could only compare them to the way someone might look at a fish and wonder what life was like at the bottom of the ocean. “I’m not going to do anything to you, I promise. But there are preparations we need to make beforehand that can take time.”
Feeling slightly better at Kakashi’s practicality Iruka counted the days in his head, both before and after being frozen. Then he was thankful for Kakashi’s thoughtfulness, he had completely forgot, “It should hit in a few days. But, I was frozen experimentally. I don’t know how that will affect it.”
Kakashi continued to ask him questions after question about his heat to the point where Iruka felt like he was talking to his gynecologist. How predictable is your cycle, how long does it last, what kind of prewar drugs did he take for it? Iruka tried to answer with the same level of practicality. He got his heat every three months like most omegas and his heat was on the shorter side, lasting only 3 days instead of the week that some Omega’s had to get through. He wasn’t on any medications, he revealed, not voicing that he has stopped taking birth control a couple months ago so that he and Mizuki could start trying for a baby after the wedding. Suppressants and scent patches were never anything that Iruka wanted to be on but now he wished he had them.
“I think the overseer was an omega,” Kakashi seemed to take all this in stride. “Their room locks and has an air refresher. We’ll stay here until after your heat. You can lock yourself in there for the duration and not worry.”
Once again gratitude puffed Iruka up like a balloon. Maybe this was why he found that he didn’t mind Kakashi’s company too much. In between all the short answers, mystery, and greed, there were moments when he was genuinely kind and thoughtful. He never once treated him lesser because he was an Omega. There were Alphas Iruka met before the bombs dropped that didn’t do that.
There was a box on the table to the side that Kakashi stood and moved to. He had brought it in before beginning dinner and Iruka hadn’t bothered to peek inside yet. Digging, Kakashi seemed to be looking for something, “Also, I found this in a dresser in their room.”
Oh God, Iruka thought, as Kakashi removed the biggest heat aide he had ever seen, the suction cup making a popping noise as it adhered to the metal table. The tip wiggled in the air obscenely, as Kakashi continued, non-plussed, “is this a typical size for an omega of your time? Honestly, I’ve never seen anything like it but I can only assume it’s some kind of toy for omegas?”
In any other situation, the way Kakashi rubbed his chin and gave the…object… a considering look would be funny. Iruka could only cringe and curl into himself in embarrassment. Just what was the overseer getting up to that they needed something like…that? Why couldn’t time have destroyed it too? Iruka hid his face in his crossed arms on the table.
“Anyway,” Kakashi was either ignoring Iruka’s embarrassment or simply didn’t care, “I’ll rent it to you for…10 caps a day. But if you want to keep it, I’ll sell it for a deal. 100 caps.” Iruka’s head shot up, looking to Kakashi in horror, “Don’t worry. I know how you are. I did wash it.”
Surely the man was messing with him. There was so much wrong with all of those sentences. “I – wha- who- who rents a sex toy!?”
“Everybody.” The well, duh was heavily implied. Kakashi proceeded to lecture on the rarity of heat aides in the commonwealth to the point where Iruka agreed to rent it just to get him to shut up. Did this qualify as an emergency? Surely it would be a good use of ammunition for Iruka to just end it all right here.
✦✦✦✦✦✦✦
When the lights were out, the inside of the vault was blacker than night. Iruka stared into the blackness, unable to sleep and hyperaware of the sound of the vault settling and support systems humming. He was set up on the bottom bunk of one of the beds in the staff room and he should have been comfortable, but his mind kept pulling him back to the moment and wouldn’t let him rest. In the darkness and silence, he had nothing else to distract himself with.
A hand feels around in the darkness under his bed, grasping for the Pip-boy he set there. When he finds it, he clasps it on his wrist and turns it on. He quickly dims the screen so he can just slightly see by, he is not in a hurry to wake Kakashi again, and he gets up and walks out of the room. The lights are still on in the halls outside of the staff room and he has to blink a few times until his eyes adjust. Socked feet make little noise against the metal floors. Kakashi had swept the vault when they got here to make sure there were no more radroaches around, but Iruka still grabs his gun, carrying it lazily at his side. He doesn’t think he’ll need it, but he’d rather have it than Kakashi wake up and catch him wandering this deep into the vault without it.
The door to the cryo room is not hard to find and he gets there before he is ready. Standing outside the door, he wonders if he is ready for this. He has to be ready for this. From what Iruka has seen so far the wasteland doesn’t give you time to deal with things. Once his heat is over Kakashi will probably be done with this place and want to move on. Iruka really doubts that Kakashi would come back once Iruka felt more ready. This was really his only chance.
Cold air breezes out as the door slides open with a hiss. The sound of machines is even louder here and Iruka thinks he can even hear the water dripping. There are about a dozen pods in this room, only a dozen people from Sanctuary Hills and Concord that they were going to save. And Iruka was the only one that was. There is a terminal set up to his right and he walks over to access it. There was a massive failure of the life support systems to the cryo pods but other than that, he has no idea what happened. Why his pod woke him up when the others were left to die in their sleep.
Mizuki’s pod was about halfway down the room. Inside Mizuki remained still and lifeless, permafrost clinging to his skin and white hair. He looked like he could just be asleep, head tilted back and down like it did when he used to pass out while watching baseball on the TV. Unbidden, memories of his life with Mizuki flashed before Iruka’s eyes; the day they first met, their first kiss at the drive in, Mizuki telling Iruka he was enlisting, the way it felt to fall into his arms when he was on leave, and that final time, when the war had ended and a haunted Mizuki walked out of the terminal at the Boston Airport. The way Mizuki grabbed his hand on the elevator to the vault, the final look he shot him as the cryo pod closed, not knowing that they wouldn’t see each other again.
Iruka’s lips suddenly quivered and he blinked hard, before realizing that he had no reason to hold back his tears. Great heaving sobs bowed him over, and he struggled to breathe as tears blurred his vision. He could taste the salt on his lips and he couldn’t stand anymore. Bending his knees he hugged them to his chest, falling backwards on his behind and rocking back and forth. Crying harder than he had when his parents died, he thought he had felt alone then. It was nothing compared to the loss of everything in his life. At least when his parents died, he had a grandfather to take care of him.
He doesn’t know how long he sat there, on the cold floor hugging his legs. His throat felt raw and his eyes burned. There were no more tears to cry and he felt utterly empty. A scuff by the door caught Iruka’s attention and he saw Kakashi standing there, looking hesitant and concerned. Iruka couldn’t bring himself to worry about whatever he might want at that moment and tried to convey it by turning away. Instead of leaving, Kakashi walked further into the room and squatted on the floor next to Iruka, groaning as he plopped fully to the floor. Hugging his knees tighter to his chest, Iruka couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed that Kakshi had seen him so vulnerable, but there was also a small part of him that was glad for the reminder that at least for the moment, he wasn’t on his own.
“Did you know him?” Kakashi voice was soft and Iruka took a moment to look him over. In fact, everything about him was soft in that moment. Stripped of weapons, armor, and hair mussed from sleep, Kakashi looked smaller and younger than ever. He still wore the bandana though, but Iruka was getting used to it being just a part of his face.
“He was my fiancé.”
“Oh, I uh…. didn’t see –“ Kakashi gestured to his neck, and Iruka remembered the moment when Kakashi had pressed him into the wall, examining him for a mating mark and making Iruka feel like he was seconds from death.
It was quite a difference from the Kakashi sitting next to him now, “No. His grandmother was a bit old-fashioned. She wanted us to wait until after the wedding. We didn’t mind. It wasn’t that big of a deal in my time.” Things may have changed, as Kakashi looked thoughtful at that comment.
Kakashi looked to Mizuki, considering, before his attention focused back on Iruka. “Do you wanna tell me about him.”
Iruka thought of the loneliness that came from being the only one to remember his world, the saying that you are only truly dead once you are no longer remembered and found himself speaking. Revealing more than he had in the entire week that he knew Kakashi, “My parents died in a car accident when I was ten and I went to live with my Grandfather in south Natick. Had to transfer schools and everything from Salem. That means I lost all my friends. And my grandfather didn’t know what to do with me. He worked a lot still - the economy was pretty bad - so I was alone most of the time. Mizuki lived in the house across from mine and he sort of became my only friend. He lived with his mom and Grandma so eventually they were my family too. We started dating when we were 15 and when we graduated Mizuki instantly enrolled in the army. By that point we had already been watching the war on TV for years.”
“The Sino American war?” Kakashi asked. “I read about that.” Kakashi offered at Iruka’s nod, “I’d like to hear more about it sometime if you’ll tell me.”
“I don’t remember much.” Iruka admitted, “I was so young and so much led up to it, even before I was born. I remember alot of people panicking when resources begun to run out and the army stationed troops around Boston. I remember that the car my parents got in an accident with was one of the newer fusion models because my grandfather thought they would have survived if it wasn’t. I remember having air raid drills in school and learning how to spot communists. I remember watching the news when I was twelve and seeing the report about China invading Alaska. I think there was even a quarantine when I was 14 but I didn’t pay attention. It – kids just tried to live their lives, ‘ya know. I don’t remember what life was like without those things so when they happened…I knew it was bad but it just kinda felt like…more of the same.”
They sat in silence for a while after Kakashi hummed in agreement. Iruka imagined that maybe he understood after all. When bad things are constantly happening, it becomes unremarkable. “Mizuki…he-“ Iruka struggled, he wanted to tell more than just surface level facts, to show Kakashi the man he loved as more than just a list of dates and accomplishments. He wanted to make him real, “Mizuki would get really upset. He really bought into the whole…Alphas are protectors thing.” Iruka gave Kakashi a small smile thinking of how he had found such an old-fashioned idea a bit charming. Seeing nothing wrong with the way that Mizuki would lash out and yell at the reports, would shout and get into fights. “I think it was because his mom and grandma were Omegas. Like he was the man of the house, but the house was the whole country. I should have seen it coming when he enlisted but I didn’t, and I was upset. When he came back on a short leave after basic training we got engaged. Do you know what that means?”
“Yes,” Kakashi sighs, “We do still have weddings.”
“Oh, anyway,” Iruka continued, contrite, “he was gone almost 4 years. I think I only saw him a handful of times when he had leave. Then when he was deployed to the front lines…” Iruka remembered jumping every time the phone rang, rushing home after classes every weekend, hoping there would be a new letter, and then holding his breath when he tore it open, praying for handwriting and not the uniform typed characters of a KIA notice. “Well. I was relieved when he came home.”
“I can imagine.” Iruka wondered if Kakashi really did, or if he was just saying that to be kind.
“He wasn’t the same when he came back though, I tried so hard to show him that he could have a good life after all he must have seen. We bought the house in Sanctuary, I planned the wedding, and I wanted to try for a baby after. Really earn that white picket fence that came with the house.”
“I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming.”
Kakashi wasn’t wrong. And this was the part that really hurt. Only sitting here in front of his body did Iruka realize that he had lost Mizuki a long time ago. He didn’t owe Kakashi this part of his story. He could probably end it here, lie and tell Kakashi that the bombs ruined all those plans, but something urged him to keep going, that this wasn’t something he wanted to swallow down and fester.
Nodding, Iruka continued, “I think he tried. In the beginning. But he would wake up screaming in the night. He became quick to argue, paranoid…mean. Even to me. Especially when he was drinking, and he began to drink a lot. We tried to get him help, his mother and his grandmother…we sat down with him, told him we loved him but he needed to get help. He didn’t take it well.” Iruka might never tell Kakashi how badly he took it. How Mizuki had attacked Iruka and then accused them all of ganging up on him when his mother and Grandmother defended him. He’d never repeat the awful words he threw at Iruka. Kakashi hadn’t treated him like a weak omega and Iruka didn’t want to be seen this way now. Afterall, was a slap in the face really as bad as a gun in his back? Compared to all that Kakashi may have seen? Would he really understand how the betrayal hurt worse than Mizuki’s hand?
“We had a…really big fight,” Iruka said instead. “The next morning the bombs fell and…” Iruka trailed off. The rest probably didn’t need to be said.
A hand landed heavy on his shoulder and began to pat awkwardly. Surprised, Iruka wasn’t sure what expression he was making but it was enough for Kakashi to pull his hand away and rub at the back of his head. He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry. It sounds like it was rough. Sometimes people see things and it changes them. That’s as true then as it is now. It has nothing to do with you.”
Iruka’s eyes were welling up again, surprising as he thought he had been all cried out.
“Tell me something you loved about him.” It was like Kakashi knew the direction Iruka’s thoughts were headed, circling all the little things that he had ignored, red flags and warning signs flashing until it was all he could see. Redirecting him to the positive and the things he wanted Mizuki to be remembered for.
Wiping his face, Iruka thought, then smiled, “Ugh, we were both terrible cooks,” a laugh escaped Iruka, “but somehow he thought he was a little better and always tried to do the cooking. The first meal we had in our new home almost set the house on fire! The look on his face was so funny when I almost died laughing. Like he expected me to be mad but he was so confident and he failed so hard…It was probably a little mean on my part. Afterall he could be so encouraging to me. He never made me feel like I couldn’t do the things I wanted to. I used to be a pole vaulter in High school, and he was there at every meet, cheering.”
“Pole vaulting?” Kakashi was smiling, Iruka could tell by the way his eyes creased.
“I’ll tell you later. But I was good. Even got a scholarship for it.” Iruka wondered if Kakashi was confused by that statement as well but at this moment he didn’t feel like getting into it. After a pause, “Kakashi. Thanks. I needed to get that all out.”
“No problem.” Kakshi looked like he wanted to say more, but after several moments of silence, Iruka got up.
“I think I might be able to sleep now.” And it was true, There was a deep well of exhaustion waiting to claim him, as if his grief had been the levy to hold it back. “Good night.”
Kakashi muttered it back as Iruka walked away. When he laid down in bed, he was asleep before Kakashi even returned.
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The bombs fell on a Saturday, at a quarter to 10 in the morning. Later, when he wakes up, Iruka will take comfort in the idea that his students had been with their families when death came. That they got to hug their parents before, still in their pajamas and pulled into their arms from their Saturday Morning cartoons. But while he dreams, he stands at the front of his classroom, attention drawn from lecture by a bright flash from the south, towards Natick. The windows shatter with the first shockwave, bringing heat and dust and glass. He grabs for whoever he can, curling tight around them, as if his own feeble human body would spare even one of them. As fire licks up his back, his screams mix with the high-pitched cries of those around him and he falls to his knees when the child in his arms crumbles to dust.
He opens his eyes when the ground sinks down, he is not on fire but he can feel it licking the air above him. His neighbors huddle into each other around him as the surface gets farther away. Mizuki isn’t looking at him, staring at the diminishing light above in horror. On his knees, Iruka feels the platform tremble as it settles at the bottom of the elevator shaft. The gate doesn’t open. There is no Vault staff waiting for them. They pull at the door, bloody their fingers on the metal but it doesn’t budge. Dust and debris fall from the distant opening, and Iruka can feel the radiation hovering in the air. In his dream time passes and the radiation sinks into their skin, drowning them in it. His neighbors and Mizuki begin to change, hair falls out in bloody clumps and their skin breaks open into puss fill sores. Teeth are spit out as they start to growl and claw at each other, human speech lost. Iruka looks down at his hands and finds his own skin shriveled and decaying. Above him, the world passes, decades, centuries, and he can only look on from the grave the vault has made for him, alone among the feral shambling corpses of his Fiancé and neighbors.
Waking is a relief, the nightmare fading fast but leaving behind the stink of fear and grief. He showers and finds Kakashi in the overseer’s office. On his knees, a bobby pin and a screwdriver fit into the lock of the supply cage. Kakashi is swearing as he breaks the bobby pin and Iruka can see that there are several others on the ground, broken. Kakashi’s hair is damp, and that softness is back when he looks to Iruka as he approaches. Now that Iruka has seen it, it’s like he can’t look away. This morning Kakashi is dressed simply in a pair of black cargo pants, a cream-colored knit sweater looks well-worn and comfortable settled on his shoulders. The neck is stretched out a bit, and Iruka is fascinated by the peak of pale skin he can see between his mask and the neck of the sweater. Soft. Vulnerable.
“Ten caps for the bobby pins in my pack,” Iruka quips, trying to shake off his thoughts after another bobby pin snaps.
Kakashi huffs in frustration, “Five,” he offers.
“I bet you’ll do seven. I know you wanna find out what that thing in the case does.” Iruka gestures to the large gun-like object displayed in a glass case on the back wall, protected by the metal cage door. He had seen Kakashi give it wistful glances the entirety of the day before. Kakashi grunts and Iruka knows he’s won. When the next bobby pin snaps Kakashi stands and Iruka expects him to tell him to fetch them from his bag.
“Let’s take a little trip. Follow me.” Iruka does, only pausing a little when Kakashi guides him out of the vault door and onto the lift. He is stumped for where Kakashi could be taking him without the majority of their supplies, though Iuka would eat his non-existent hat if Kakashi didn’t have some kind of weapon hidden on him. Did he take Iruka’s Pip-boy and come up here in the night to pick through the remains of vault tech vehicles?
The sun has barely risen, he notes, when the lift stops at the surface. The hill the vault is located on gives quite the view of the Sanctuary Hills and Concord, and with the heavy fog blanketing the ground Iruka can barely see the destruction. He’d like to stay in the moment, soaking up the sun, but Kakashi leads him away from the incline, towards the tree line a few paces past the fence. The bedsheet sticks out amongst the fallen leaves and the overturned dirt. It is undoubtably wrapped around a body, and Iruka can think of only one person who Kakashi would bring him up here for.
They stop at the edge of the dug hole, not as deep as it should be but deep enough to have been alot of work. A shovel is stuck in the pile of displaced dirt, and Iruka feels his throat tighten at the thought of Kakashi digging in the darkness. If he looks he can see the signs, the way Kakashi walks stiffly, the bags under his eyes, all signs of a night spent hard at work. He doesn’t know what to say in this moment, too overwhelmed with gratitude.
“I – ugh,” Kakashi looks frustrated and embarrassed. Iruka wonders why kindness makes him so uncomfortable. “I wasn’t sure what kind of rituals you observe, but I read that graves were popular. So…” After a short struggle, Kakashi seems to steel himself, then decides what he wants to say, “I know what it’s like, to live a life that most people can’t relate to. Maybe not to the same level as you but…And…umm - I know what it’s like to lose everyone who might understand.”
Hesitantly, Kakashi meets Iruka’s eyes, sees the question there. It’s the most Kakashi has revealed about himself and Iruka is curious. “Do you want to talk-“
“No,” Kakashi says, and it is a bit more abrupt than the soft words he has spoken so far. “No,” he repeats, and the edges dull, “not now. I just wanted you to know that you’re not as alone as you think. I know it’s different, but I understand. Death is common in the wasteland. Some people may say ‘you get used to it,’ but you don’t. I just wanted you to be able to know that your fiancé rests somewhere peaceful. That there will be a place to mark and return to later. That’s all.”
Tears had traveled down Iruka’s cheeks, he could feel them trail down his chin and neck. Kakashi pats his shoulder awkwardly again, and Iruka tries to wipe the tracks from his face.
There are places along the road of Iruka’s life, little beauties and small moments that he can look back on fondly, some benign and seemingly meaningless, others large and life changing. Some he can see coming on the horizon, opening his arms and embracing the impact on his life, others he can only recognize in the passage of time and through the clarity of distance. Fewer still he can recognize in the moment, those rare times where something inside of him is flicked on and changed. The trees, the fog, the rising sun. The small measure of peace at knowing that Mizuki won’t spend eternity in the dark metal vault-tec tomb. The way Iruka meets Kakashi’s eyes - sees something familiar looking back - and he knows that he spoke the truth. He can feel these moments becoming a part of him on that hill.
Kakashi and he bury Mizuki in the grave under a large oak. When Iruka fears that it is not deep enough, they collect and stack rocks on top, and in the bark of the tree, Iruka digs Kakashi’s knife in and carves Mizuki’s name.
Grief isn’t done with him yet, Iruka is under no assumption that it is. However, he knows that when it presses down on him, all he needs to do is think of this moment - the gentle breeze through the trees, the soft fog below the hill, the way the sun warms his skin, and the strong and steady hand on his shoulder – and he knows it will be easier to carry. This wonderful, beautiful moment he tucked inside himself, all thanks to the man next to him.
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