Work Text:
It is not that you are sweet, sugar,
or that those red lips are anemic.
It’s not that you have a smile
that lights up the whole world.
Nor is it that you are a balmy lady,
who unifies love, or a celestial being,
or a star, or a bird that flies
with its wings spread wide open.
No, I love you because
your skin is made of sugar.
- Czeslaw Milosz, A Celebration for Sugar
“Strawberry and blue raspberry!” Pete calls out over his shoulder before turning back to the customer. “That’ll be two dollars.”
Remus doesn’t waste any time getting to work, pouring the bright pink sugar granules into the cotton candy heating element and grabbing a paper cone to begin collecting the delicate threads of sugar neatly onto the cone. Then he adds the blue sugar and spins the resulting fluff onto the cone for a perfect layered effect.
He steps up to the counter to hand the candy to the customer, a very excited blond boy who looks to be about eleven years old. “Here you go, one pink and blue special,” he says with a smile.
“Thanks!” the kid says before instantly pulling a wad off the cone and shoving it in his mouth as he runs off to join his friends. Remus watches him go with a satisfied grin, when he spots a familiar dark haired teenager moping a few yards away.
“Hey, Regulus!” he calls out to him with a wave. “Want some cotton candy?”
Regulus looks up in surprise, and reluctantly walks up to the booth. “Er, no thanks. I don’t eat candy. Do you know where Sirius is? I’m supposed to page him when I want a ride home and then meet by the carousel, but I paged him ten minutes ago and he’s not here,” he says in a rush while scanning the crowd and glancing behind him to the carousel.
Remus’s smile drops as he furrows his brow in thought, running a hand through his loose curls, “Oh, well, I think he went to do some rides with James. Maybe they are on a ride or in line for something. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.”
“Yeah, alright.” Regulus says and wanders back toward the carousel.
After a handful more customers, the line starts to die down and Remus leans over the counter to see Regulus still pacing near the carousel, looking at his watch.
“Hey, Pete, are you good here if I take a little break?”
Peter agrees, and Remus grabs a paper cone, collecting all of the remaining sugar strands left in the machine from the last customer.
Regulus spots him walking toward him and stops pacing, turning to face him.
“Hey, Reg I’m taking a little break and thought I’d try to find James and Sirius. Want to join me?”
Regulus sighs, “Okay, I guess so.”
Remus starts walking toward the big carnival ride and Regulus falls into step beside him. “Where are your friends? I thought you were here with Barty and Evan.”
Regulus huffs, eyes on the ground ahead of him as they walk. “We ran into Flo and Berty and they wanted to hang out with them. I got tired of watching them act like idiots just because there are girls around.”
Remus chuckles and sends Regulus a sympathetic smile. “Ah, yeah I’ve been there. Are you sure you don’t want some cotton candy? It’s on the house.” He holds up the cone. “It’s blue raspberry.”
Regulus grimaces, “We’re not supposed to eat stuff like that,” he responds, shaking his head and watches in fascination as Remus shrugs and pulls off a piece, bringing it to his own mouth.
“Does it really taste like raspberries?” Regulus asks, raising a skeptical brow.
Remus laughs, “You’ve really never had cotton candy?” Regulus shakes his head and Remus’s eyes widen, “Oh, Regulus, you poor sweet child. It’s not about the flavor, it really just tastes like sugar. The great thing about cotton candy is the way it melts on your tongue.” He pulls off another chunk and sticks out his tongue to demonstrate, laying the candy on it and letting it dissolve. Regulus watches in wide-eyed shock.
“Okay you have to try some. Come on, one bite won’t kill you.” As Remus says it, he stops in his tracks, an odd expression on his face as he stares at the cotton candy.
“Lupin? What’s wrong?” Regulus asks, alarmed.
Remus shakes his head apologetically and tries to laugh it off. “Oh, ha… it’s just. It’s just that I didn't used to eat stuff like this either. It’s amazing how quickly you forget what it’s like…” he gets that far away look again, and Regulus is baffled.
“What do you mean?”
Remus sighs and looks around, gesturing to a nearby bench. “Can we take a little break? I’ll tell you… just need to sit a minute.”
Regulus nods. “Okay, yeah.”
Once they sit Remus is still quiet for a moment, seeming to be taking in the sights and sounds of the carnival around them, as the sun is starting to set and everything is lit up, it’s almost magical. Finally he takes a deep breath and says, “I don’t know how much Sirius has told you. About my condition.” He glances at Regulus, looking for a reaction.
Regulus remembers that Remus would often look tired or miss days of school, but he never used to pay it much attention. “Uh, we don’t really talk that much.” He shrugs, but encourages Remus to continue. “What is it? Your condition?”
Remus raises an eyebrow in surprise. He’s been friends with Sirius for years and thought his brother would know about his illness by now. “Okay. Well, when I was four years old I went trick or treating and someone gave me a chocolate Moon Pie. I ate the entire thing - and it nearly killed me. I ended up in the hospital in a coma. That’s how we found out that I’m diabetic.” He looked down at the cotton candy again and huffed a small laugh. “For most of my life I had to avoid sugary foods, too. I feel like such a hypocrite.”
Regulus lifted a hand to touch his arm, but thought better of it, dropping it back in his lap. “No that’s, it’s okay. I don't have near as good a reason not to eat it. I think my mother’s just a control freak and doesn’t trust me to brush my teeth properly.” Remus gives him a small smile, and Regulus tries to ignore how it seems a thrill through him, adding, “I didn’t know. About your condition.”
After a moment of sitting together without speaking, Regulus reaches over and pinches a piece of cotton candy off of the cone. Remus looks up at him in surprise. “Well, here goes nothing,” Regulus says dramatically, and places the spun sugar on his tongue. It is very sweet, not raspberry at all, but Remus was right, the feeling of the cottony substance melting into gritty sugar on his tongue is exhilarating. He laughs out loud, causing Remus to break out into a huge grin.
“See? What did I tell you?”
“You were right. It’s incredible,” Regulus says, still smiling like an idiot. Remus holds out the cone in offering, and Regulus takes it. He pinches off another piece and savors it before asking the next question that had been on his mind. “So was it cured or something? Now that I think about it, you haven’t been as sickly as you used to, and you can eat cotton candy and everything…”
Remus shakes his head. “No, not cured. But my parents spent a lot of money on medications and treatments, and my mom had to give up her career in computer engineering to spend time taking care of me when I was younger. It… well, it’s really thanks to Sirius and the Potters that I’m doing so well now.”
Regulus is visibly taken aback. “What? Why?”
“After I got really sick once when we were 14, Sirius found out how much my medicine cost and how inefficient it was and he was furious. He started doing a lot of research into current and experimental treatment options. I didn't even know he was doing it. He talked to Mrs. Potter about it —she works at a research clinic— and together they were able to get me into a trial for a new device.”
Remus lifts up his t-shirt, and Regulus sucks in a breath as he takes in the sight. There is a square black gadget, a bit larger than a pager, attached to his jeans, with a tube taped to his bare skin just above his hip. There appears to be yellowish bruises surrounding the place where it is attached. “It’s an insulin pump. It’s still pretty experimental, but it’s been amazing. It checks my blood sugar and automatically provides the insulin I need. So I can have the occasional indulgence without worrying about it like I used to.” He drops his shirt, covering the device. “Like I said, it’s easy to forget sometimes… I almost feel like a normal teenager. But I still need to be careful.”
Regulus picks at the cotton candy, not sure he can eat much more. His stomach is swirling, partly from the carnival food and maybe a little bit from something else. He feels constantly aware of the presence of the other boy next to him. He feels self-conscious, wondering what Remus thinks of him. He’s sure Sirius doesn’t say too many nice things, and he knows that the people he considers friends have never given a good impression to his brother or his friends. Remus interrupts his thoughts, standing up abruptly.
“I think I see them, in the line for the Gravitron,” he says, starting toward the ride and motioning for Regulus to follow him.
They stand by the railing that separates the Gravitron line from the rest of the carnival crowd and wave their arms until they catch Sirius’s attention. He and James are near the front, probably only a couple of turns before they reach the ride. Sirius points to his pager and emotes an apologetic shrug, gesturing to the line behind them. They must have been waiting in the line for at least an hour by this point.
Remus sighs, “Well that mystery is solved.” He looks at his watch and adds, “We’ve probably got another twenty minutes until they’re done.” He looks around and then turns to Regulus with a mischievous grin, “Looks like there’s no wait at the big ferris wheel. What do you say?”
Regulus shakes his head as mild panic starts to set in, “Oh, no, no. I don’t do rides.”
Remus raises a skeptical eyebrow, “Even the ferris wheel?”
Regulus swallows, unable to answer, but when Remus reaches for his hand and gently tugs him toward the ride, he goes along, his head already spinning. He’s in a daze as they are ushered into a strange little cage, a bar pulled down over their laps. Remus can’t seem to stay still in his excitement as the contraption starts to move forward with a small jolt. Regulus grabs the bar in panic, feeling his stomach drop every time the cage rocks.
“Wow,” Remus is saying next to him as he watches the carnival become smaller below them. “Isn’t this a brilliant view?” He turns to Regulus and sucks in a sharp breath when he notices his white-knuckled grip on the lap bar. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Are you alright? Reg, just look at me, okay? Take slow breaths.” Regulus does and he starts to feel calmer as they breathe together, and the ride settles into a gentle motion.
“Okay, Reg, are you ready? You don’t want to miss this,” Remus says, and he puts a hand over Regulus’s giving it an encouraging squeeze.
Regulus slowly turns his head and gasps in surprise. He hadn’t realized how high up they were. He thinks he can see the entire fairgrounds plus the lights of the city beyond. “Holy shit,” he breathes, his voice filled with awe, and Remus lets out a relieved laugh next to him.
Just then the ride jolts to a stop, the cage swinging wildly. Regulus instinctively grabs fistfuls of Remus’s shirt, hiding his face in the fabric, breathing erratically. Remus wraps his arms around him and whispers into his hair, “You’re alright. I’ve got you. You’re alright.”
He continues to pat Regulus’s back and whisper comforting words as his breathing regulates and the cage slowly stops its rocking. The ride feels eerily quiet and Regulus realizes that the music has stopped, as have the blinking lights of the Ferris wheel, only a few solid white bulbs still lit up. He slowly releases Remus’s shirt and pulls away, face burning with shame. “Sorry…” he mutters.
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you—” Remus tries to apologize, but Regulus cuts him off.
“You didn’t know…” he says, his voice still wavering as his body trembles with adrenaline. “Anyway, please promise you won’t tell anyone how I reacted. You know what my friends are like… I’d never live it down.”
Remus makes a cross motion with his finger over his chest. “Cross my heart. What happens on the Ferris wheel stays on the Ferris wheel.” He gives Regulus a hopeful smile, and is visibly relieved when Regulus returns it with a shaky laugh.
“So… what do you think happened? Why are we stopped?” Regulus asks, carefully looking over the edge of the bench and pulling back abruptly when he feels the cage start to wobble.
“No idea.. I’m sure it’s nothing, just letting someone off or doing some routine maintenance…” Remus says, but he doesn’t sound very sure at all.
“Oh. Okay.” Regulus sits back carefully and remains as still as he can, watching the tilt-a-whirl spin and flash in the distance. It makes him feel a bit dizzy. So he turns to look at Remus instead. “Hey, Remus… Can I ask you a personal question?”
Remus’s eyes go wide, but he answers eagerly, “Of course! Anything. What do you want to know?”
Regulus takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and then it comes out in a rush. “Are you gay? I only ask because Evan called you Fruit Loops and he said that Berty saw you making out with a guy at a party, and I don’t know if I should believe either of them —not that there’s anything wrong with it— I mean, my parents might think so and maybe I used to think so, but I don’t… not really anymore… I just. Yeah, I was just wondering… you know… if it’s true.”
Remus, who’s face had been a mask of mild surprise throughout the rambling question, let out a small nervous cough. “Oh… Um. Okay. I guess… yes, it’s true.” He bites his lip, anxiously waiting for a reaction.
Regulus nods, “Oh. That’s alright then… So, um, is Benji Fenwick your boyfriend?”
Remus lets out a surprised laugh that actually causes the cage to tremble. He catches himself and gives Regulus an apologetic grimace. “Sorry. But… No. Benji… well, I feel kind of bad, honestly. I was never really interested in him. I just wanted to know what it was like, so… we hooked up a couple of times over the summer. But, he’s not my boyfriend. No.”
“Oh.” Regulus feels his chest swell with something that might be hope, but he finds he’s unable to speak any more, so he just relaxes back on the bench and tries to prevent the smile that is fighting to break out across his face.
After a few minutes of silence Remus suddenly says, “Oh! I almost forgot, I wanted to give you this.” He carefully slides a hand into the pocket of his ratty jeans, trying not to jostle the ride too much. He pulls out the black cat beanie baby that Regulus had seen him win from the claw machine at the arcade earlier, holding it out to Regulus.
Regulus looks up at him in surprise and confusion. Remus carefully adjusts his position so that he is facing Regulus better in order to explain. “So, I don’t know if you remember, but a few years ago, James, Peter, Sirius and I met up at the mall, and your parents made Sirius bring you along. But you were only 12 or 13, still a kid really. You got bored with hanging around the record store for hours, so you went to the pet store instead. When we went to pick you up later, they had let you hold this little black kitten. And, Reg, I’d never seen you like that… so soft and sweet. You were cuddling the kitten and letting it bite at your fingers, and giving it kisses on its little furry head.”
Regulus sniffled and swiped at his eyes. “Yeah… I remember. I wanted to adopt him so badly. But my parents won’t let us have pets.”
Remus nodded, “Right. So, when I saw this little guy in the claw machine, it reminded me of that kitten that had to stay in the mall pet store instead of going home with a boy who loved him so much, and I thought… I needed to get him out of there. For you. He belongs to you.”
Regulus gasps in surprise, still fighting back tears. “You won him for me?” Remus nods and laughs when Regulus snatches the toy, pure joy lighting up his face. “I’m going to call him… Sugar.”
Remus playfully tugs at the little heart tag on the toy’s ear. “He already has a name, Reg. It’s ‘Zip’, apparently.”
Regulus frowns indignantly. “He’s mine now, I can name him, and I want to call him Sugar.”
Remus shrugs, resigned. “Well, alright then. Sugar is a much better name. It’s perfect.”
Regulus is still smiling down at Sugar when the Ferris wheel jolts into motion, the music continuing as if it had never stopped. The ride stops a few more times, but only briefly, as riders exit and new riders are loaded in. Regulus doesn’t even find it scary anymore, enjoying the little dip in his belly when he shifts and the cage rocks a little. They chat about movies and gossip a little about some of their mutual acquaintances, and at some point Regulus starts dreading the moment when it’s their turn to exit the ride.
As the cage in front of them is being loaded, the laughter fading from Remus’s story about Peter’s dismay over not being able to play as Splinter in the Ninja Turtles video game, Regulus sighs and asks, “Hey, Remus… that thing you said about what happens on the Ferris wheel stays on the Ferris wheel. You still mean that?”
Remus turns to him, a look of purest sincerity on his face. “Of course, Reg. I would never betray your trust.”
Regulus nods. “Good.” And as the ride moves again putting them in position to disembark. Seizing the moment, he leans over and kisses Remus on the lips. It’s only a brief moment, their lips brushing together in a gentle caress, and it ends all too soon.
“Exit this way!” a voice says as the bar is pulled from their laps and Regulus jumps up and is halfway down the metal steps before Remus is over the shock enough to move.
As he takes the last step he calls out, “Regulus, wait…” And as Regulus turns to look at him they are interrupted.
“There you are! Did you actually ride the Ferris Wheel?” Sirius laughs, grabbing his brother and rubbing his head, James jogging up behind them.
Regulus becomes his usual surly self when he sees his brother and sends him an accusatory glare. “I paged you an hour ago! You were supposed to take me home when I was ready.”
“Yeah, yeah. So sorry little brother, how dare I make you enjoy another hour of the County Fair!” He rolls his eyes theatrically. “I’ll meet you at the truck, go on. I want to talk to Moony a second.”
Regulus huffs, reflexively looking toward Remus at his name, but quickly diverting his gaze. “Fine,” he says, and stalks off toward the exit.
“Ugh.” Sirius rolls his eyes again and pats Remus on the shoulder. “Sorry you got stuck with that little shit. I really appreciate you looking out for him, though.”
Remus waves off the apology, “It’s fine, we actually had a really nice time. Don’t believe a word he says about me torturing him with candy and rides.”
They both laugh as Sirius gives him and James quick hugs before heading to the exit. “See you both at the Halloween party on Saturday!”
“Yeah, see you then!” Remus runs a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling exhausted and still trying to process what just happened. “Uh, Prongs… I’m feeling a little shaky. I think I had too much sugar. Do you mind taking over the last hour of my shift at the cart?”
James smiles, “Of course! No problem. After spending the last hour with Baby Black, you definitely deserve the break.”
“Ha, yeah.. Something like that.” Remus waves goodbye and starts to head to the payphone to call his mother for a ride. He’s fairly certain his lightheadedness and racing heartbeat is not just from the sugar. He had always suspected his friend's snobbish and aloof little brother had a hidden soft side. He had seen hints of it, and he had hoped that a moment alone with him would bring them closer. But he hadn't suspected the Regulus was just as desperate for connection. That Regulus would kiss him! That had certainly been a sweet surprise.