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Edwin and Monty sit on the swings in silence. Chains creak. Underbrush rustles. But it’s too quiet, too heavy. Edwin doesn’t know what to say. He’s trying to remember every example of instances like this from the books he’s read but his mind comes back blank. He’s also very aware that this is the furthest thing from fiction.
Monty speaks first. ‘Um, I’m sorry about that. I should go, actually. My mom might be waiting up.’ He stands and walks away, leaving the swing to sway.
‘Monty?’ Edwin calls as he stands too.
Monty stops and turns to face him.
‘I’m sorry, I really am,’ Edwin says. It feels like a pathetic attempt but he’d rather that than nothing at all.
‘Don’t worry about it. I get it,’ Monty replies. Edwin can tell he doesn’t mean what he says because of the thickness in his voice.
‘Would you like me to walk you home?’ Edwin all of a sudden feels it would be impolite to let this human boy find his way back in the dark. Even though he knows Port Townsend far better than Edwin.
‘No, no. I’m good. I’ll see you later.’ Monty disappears into the trees.
Edwin stands there for a few moments longer, staring at the place Monty disappeared and thinking about his very first kiss. He might not have feelings for Monty and he feels so awful about how it ended. He couldn’t actually feel it, but something about it is so precious to him. He feels that maybe he could overlook some of the imperfections of the moment just to treasure this milestone.
With those mixed up feelings, he walks back to the Tongue and Tail. He thinks through what to do when he gets back. Charles said Edwin could talk to him about anything, but right now with all these complicated feelings, he’s not convinced that would feel right.
He’ll find Charles eventually of course, but he decides that first he’ll check in with Niko to see how her day and her secret case worked out. And maybe he’ll even talk about what happened with Monty. Niko will know what to say.
The Tongue and Tail is a mess when Edwin gets back. Police tape cuts off the back rooms from the main shop. A metal chair and table sit tipped over discarded in the front room. Rose petals and glass shards litter the floor.
Upon investigation, Edwin finds blood splatters on the large table in the back room. It doesn’t take Edwin long to discern that someone fell and impaled themselves on Jenny’s knife sharpener. Panic settles his Edwin’s core. He rushes upstairs and phases through Niko’s door.
He’s comforted for a moment to see that Niko seems physically alright. His panic immediately comes back when he realises that she’s emotionally distraught. Niko is curled on her side in bed clutching a fat stuffed toy and sobbing.
‘Niko?’ Edwin crouches down beside her bed. After a moment of hesitation, he places a hand carefully on her shoulder. She looks at him through waterlogged eyes and lets out another sob.
Edwin feels completely stumped. He’s never been good with the living. Or ghosts. Or anyone. Charles is the only person he seems to be good with and most of the time he attributes that to Charles being Charles.
Edwin starts with rubbing Niko’s shoulder and looking past her to the opposite wall. He feels there’s something invasive about watching someone while they cry. He rubs her shoulder and studies an anime poster until her crying lessens into sniffles and slow tears.
Niko pushes her doona back, sits up and rubs her eyes. ‘Sorry,’ she whispers, still clutching her stuffed toy.
‘No need to apologise,’ Edwin says and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘Would you like to… talk?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe?’ Niko ducks her head to rest her chin on top of her stuffed toy. She looks down at her pink bed sheets and tucks the doona more firmly around her feet. ‘Do you remember I said I had my own case?’
Edwin nods. ‘It didn’t go well?’
Niko shakes her head. ‘Crystal and I found out Jenny had a secret admirer and then I found out who she was -- Maxine, the librarian -- and I set them up on this date. And then it turns out Maxine tried to kill Jenny and then Maxine ended up slipping and dying instead.’
‘I see.’ Edwin feels adrift. With clients he’s fairly good at calming hysteria or strong emotions. It’s practical to remind clients that their feelings are valid and the case will be solved and they can move on. When you have no emotional attachment to someone, it matters less if you say the perfect thing.
When that person means a great deal to you, the desire to say something perfect seems to choke down any words.
‘Are you okay?’ Edwin asks. It seems like a silly question, but people ask it often enough. He also genuinely wants to know how Niko feels.
‘I feel really bad and guilty. Part of me wishes I’d stayed a shut in,’ Niko whispers. Fresh tears fall down her cheeks.
Again, Edwin tries to remember everything he’s seen on the telly or read about in books. It’s really the only frame of reference he has for these situations and the realisation leaves him feeling inadequate. He moves to sit by Niko’s side, puts an arm around her shoulder and leans back so they’re propped up against the headboard. She rests her head on his shoulder and cries quietly.
‘There was no way you could have known, Niko,’ Edwin says softly. ‘Charles and I have worked cases where our assumptions led us astray or we overlooked something important. Even our case today reminded us how unpredictable people can be. If you’d known what Maxine was like, you would not have set up that date. Therefore, it’s not your fault.’
‘That makes sense,’ Niko sobs out.
Edwin holds her against his side until her tears slow down again and she pokes Edwin in the knee. ‘Will you tell me something about your day?’
Edwin hums. Niko might not like how this one ends, but he knows that she’d rather hear about his first kiss instead of those horrible teenage boys. ‘I did not have the perfect day either. Something happened and I don’t know how to feel about it.’
‘Oh?’
‘Monty kissed me.’
‘Oh my god!’ Niko leans forward a little to look at him. ‘How is that bad?’
‘It… didn’t go well.’ Edwin grimaces. ‘It was not a bad kiss, but afterwards I told him I did not feel the same way and I feel particularly bad for that.’
‘Oh.’ Niko deflates back against the pillows. ‘How did it make you feel when he kissed you?’
Edwin stares at the door and thinks about it. ‘Well, I could not feel the kiss, but it felt good to be wanted like that. I liked it enough, in the moment. But… Now I feel bad for upsetting Monty. I really had thought I was doing so well connecting with someone and making a new friend.’
‘You’re good with me.’ Niko snuggles a bit more into Edwin’s side.
‘Really?’ Edwin turns to look at her, eyebrows scrunched together.
Niko nods. ‘Uh huh. You don’t always know exactly what to say or do, but you genuinely try and that’s what matters most.’
‘Thank you, Niko. That means a great deal.’
‘Also, it’s not your fault if you don’t have feelings for Monty. I’m sure he’ll understand and with time he’ll feel differently.’
Edwin thinks about that for a moment. He wonders what it might be like to talk to Niko about his feelings. About the person he thinks they might be directed towards. No. There is simply too much there that he has not figured out for himself yet.
Instead, he asks: ‘Would you like to watch an episode of Scooby Doo? I know watching a favourite television show often makes people feel better.’
‘I would like that,’ Niko says. She sits up and smiles at Edwin. ‘I’ll get my laptop.’
So, Niko sets up her laptop on the bed and plays the latest episode she’s on. Her and Edwin sit shoulder to shoulder on the bed. Niko continues clutching her stuffed toy and Edwin crosses his legs, one of them leaning against Niko’s thigh. There’s something about this moment that makes him feel settled. Like when it’s just him and Charles in the office and they can just be themselves. He feels that right now; the two of them can just be Edwin and Niko.