Chapter Text
How long has it been since she last smoked? Pre-transition it’s gotta be, it was her all-time favourite buzz that let her forget the Gender Dysphoria was real. There wasn’t really a need for it after coming out, well there WASN’T. There were things she never considered about lighting up, the way the smoke and ash hangs on ever so lightly to the fur all over her face, fur never grew there in her youth! She runs her hand across her face, the woft rises back again, it’s just a new little sensation, she holds onto that as a little bit of trans joy. Well maybe it’s more esoteric than that, just the sensation of… Knowing she’s changed. To change at all is a miracle of life.
Cos just… GOD. If it’s not another night of everyone being surgically designed to take that feeling away from her, take HER away from her.
―Hey, that was… Well that absolutely fucking sucked. Are you alright?
Spiral looks up at the recipient of the query, met by grey trousers, before the four sleeved red polo tee with an odd 60’s ad style illustration of Monster Kids about to eat their tea. That’s familiar, yes yes yes, she recognises the Rose Hair Tarantula from the meet, Rosea was her name she thought. She didn’t speak much, but she kind of stood out by being the only parent in the room, which is like an unobtainable ascension state in the cannon of transfeminism, but despite the badgering from the others at the meeting she tried to keep as low profile as she could. Hence it’s a surprise to see her here at all. She’s carrying coffee in both her right hands and extends her lower one to The Deer.
Maybe it’s the sting of the night air, but it feels so warm in her claws, it even penetrates the keratin at the end of her fingers. Well maybe not really, it’s metaphorical, or actually this is really hot coffee and she shouldn’t be touching it with her palms. Ow Ow Ow. No look THE POINT is, she appreciates the acknowledgement of their commonality, even if it’s just through one little act of kindness.
―Thank you so much. Spiral eventually responds. This is so sweet of you, I was about to freeze my big ‘ol butt out here.
The Deer puts the coffee up to… Her face? Even giving a small blow from her lips, as if to show to Rosea, that it’s warm? And she can feel the warm? So much she had to cool it down and this shows her somehow that Spiral appreciates the warm? What the fuck is she doing? She resets to a neutral position with the coffee between her hands and on her thighs, a little embarrassed. Rosea giggles a little to herself, before asking:
―Do you mind if I sit next to you?
Spiral makes a symbolic gesture of shuffling to the side, despite sitting on a looong knee high wall. Rosea parks right next to her as they both start to sip their Lattes.
―So… That really sucked back there. Rosea observes.
―Yeah… But it’s okay, I mean it happens. Spiral replies, trying not to reside in a gloomy place for too long.
―That sucks it happens! It just sucks.
―Look it’s better not to dwell on it
―Well I can’t relate to this particular strand of Eurocentric beauty standards you experienced tonight. But it’s other tentacles… And I know it sucks when people just assume you know it sucks and the best thing to do is to pretend it doesn’t happen. Even if we dunno what to say, what we can say is… God that sucks! Like when I was transitioning do you know how many times I was suggested a double amputation as a way to look more feminine?
―Wooooowwwww... That fucking sucks!
―Aaaaaaa, you see? It’s good for someone to confirm your reality like that right?
Spiral looks down a little in contemplation, but maybe it’s something she should give a try. It feels like a line she never breached, just… Admitting it sucks!
―It sucks. Spiral begins. Like it sucks so much babe. I just wanna speak to Monsters like me and it sucks to be in a room full of skinny girls who look at my huge ass as a bad ending. Like it sucks!
―It fucking blows right? Rosea asks, egging her on.
―It does! Anecdote after anecdote of pre-transition horror stories, and they're just Monsters that look like me! They give me this little glance during, pity I literally don’t need! I try to make conversation and they literally turn their back on me, like in a cartoon! I give them dysphoria! I’m just standing here being the woman I worked my BALLS off to be and… Argh!
Spiral tries to compose herself, as fun complaining was slowly transitioning back into… Well uhhh, Spiraling.
―It’s like… The perceived sisterhood that hurts them most about it y’know? Spiral explains. I thought I was a part of something… Big! But then those ideas make contact with oxygen and you just realise you’re on your own. That’s not even the scary bit, it’s you’ve BEEN on your own. You tried to smash your head into a transphobic world, several times assuming your sisters would have your back. Now I realise if anything ever went wrong like… I’d be fucked! I’m dead! I feel like the space around me, I’ve never felt more aware of the vacant spaces of the 360 radius around me. All the time. I’m in danger. How strong is this coffee?
Spiral inspects the cup a little, before going back to continue drinking. Rosea laughs a little at this exchange, before standing up again and looming above Spiral to make sure her message is heard:
―Soooo, what if I knew of this organisation, well it’s more a club, actually it’s more proper then just a club. But it’s kind of a place for… Monsters who arn’t acclimating to any communities that are popping up.
―So like the losers? Spiral suggets
―Where I work, yes it’s for the losers.
Spiral widens her eyes as she looks away and hides behind her coffee in embarrassment.
―Serriously though it’s a great place! I got transferred there from my old job taking care of orphaned kids, to basically do the same thing. Somehow even in that microcosm there were kids who just… Hurt, being forced into unity with Monsters that reject them. Y’know like… Us in that meet tonight. That’s kind of the theme of the place.
―That seems really nice, what’s it called?
―Um, uh. B-beastiary Beas? Rosea replies, almost a little embarrassed. Look I didn’t name it, the org got thrusted onto this married throuple? I think it’s the first thing they thought off and…
―That’s cute tho! I like it. Like you can be like “Hey, we’re one of the beas” it’s like modern day queer code. I wish I was one of the beas.
―Well, it’s good you said that! Cos they’re want to establish a sect for trans women, so they need more Monsters who don’t fit in like us.
Spiral raises their eyebrows a little, as their ears begin to twitch. This is a little too good to be true ain’t it? Though when pushing past that distrust it does occur to her, the perfect candidate showing up at your meet has to be equally sus, yet she still approached her.
―Sell me more on it. Spiral asks. What are the benefits?
―Well uh they gave us this huge abandoned warehouse full of containers to set up in. Rosea begins. There’s like a big ass TV, we’re setting up a pub, there’s an arcade. Oohhhh ooohh there’s like food vendors, the curry there is insane…
―Wait, you made it sound like a refuge thing! That just sounds like… my dream location for a Saturday night.
―Well, no one really knows what it is! It’s just a thing, that tries to be what we need.
―And my job is… Gathering the RVSPs?
―You’ll get it once you look at the place I promise! If you’re free to go?
―Is there air hockey?
―Not yet, but it’s on the list. We just have some old cabinets running compilation roms, a dance machine. Like one of them washing machines? Like they’re…
―I’m a Transbian, I am fully aware of the washing machines.
Rosea giggles a little as Spiral keeps staring at their hooves. The wee gears in her head slowly spinning.
―Welll….. You seem cool and all… So give me your digits and we’ll go tomorrow. Spiral agrees. I’m due at a club later tonight.
―Oh fun! Rosea says, clapping her lower paws together, not spilling her drink. Are you meeting people there?
Spiral taps their empty cup, as they awkwardly look to her side.
―Not… Exactly, no.