Work Text:
“Hen wants us to stick around to sign Denny’s cast,” Evan said. Tommy felt relief wash over him and couldn’t help but smile and express to his boyfriend how wonderful it was that they all had each other to lean on in times like this.
When they were finally allowed back in to Denny’s room, he happily signed his name right next to Evan’s and he tried to push down the fluttery feeling he got when he saw their names together like that. It’s too soon to be thinking like that he chided himself.
They said their goodbyes to the team and made their way home as Evan explained how they needed to dress up tomorrow and make their way out to the cemetery to pay their respects to the dead cowboy his boyfriend was obsessing over. He bit back a grin as he agreed to go along with Evan’s plans, but he kept thinking about Denny and Hen and Karen and how relived he was that Denny was ok.
“You know,” he started, interrupting Evan’s third time saying how he was going to get Billy to lift the curse tomorrow and how it just had to work, “I can’t get over how big Denny has gotten. I remember when Hen was showing us pictures of him before they even brought him home. Did you know I actually built his crib?”
“What? Really?” Evan asked. “I didn’t think you guys were that close back in the day” he asked, not sounding judgmental, just surprised. Tommy was learning to interpret how Evan meant to say things now and how sometimes he didn’t really think about how what comes out of his mouth can sound to others.
“Well, we weren’t really that close, not like you guys are now; but Howie and Hen were really close and he insisted we pool together as a team and get them a gift when they brought Denny home.” He chuckled thinking back on the memory.
—————————————————————
“Hey Howie, you heard from Hen yet? Do you know how long she will be out?” Sal asked. She had just gotten injured on the job the last shift and was going to be out of commission for a while but no one knew much.
“She said her doctors said about 3 weeks but by that time she should be on maternity leave so we may not see her for like 3 months I think” Howie informed them. He had a sly smirk on his face that seemed out of place.
“Wow that’s a lot to handle all at once isn’t it?” Tommy asked. He knew Hen was tough but he was concerned on how she was going to take on all the work without Karen by her side.
“Well, I think she’s gonna have help now,” Howie said. He was still smirking.
“What did you do?” Tommy asked. He could tell Howie had done something mischievous by the way he was grinning now.
“I may have told Karen about what happened in the accident and I maaay have exaggerated a little about her injuries. Just a little! And I think they are getting back together now.” Howie said. He seemed very proud of himself.
“Well that’s good news!” Sal said. “Her moping about the break up was really bringing me down.”
“I’m just glad it all worked out and that Hen is going to be ok” Tommy said. “Do we know who’s going to fill in while she’s out though?” He asked. He worried about bringing in a new person to the team when they already had to deal with a new captain. Captain Conway was already showing that he was not fit for the job, being the cause of the accident that had Hen out in the first place. Who forgets to block off the scene from on coming traffic?
“I’m sure the department will give us someone or we will have to share someone from B shift for a bit” Sal said.
“Hey, so what do you think I should get Hen and Karen as a gift?” Howie asked.
“Huh?” Asked Sal, “what are you talking about?”
“You know, as like a baby gift?” Howie asked again. “We gotta get them something, it’s traditional”
“Like a baby shower? Isn’t that more of a woman thing?” Sal asked.
“That’s sexist” Howie said dismissively “and Hen is our friend and we should do something to help out. I’m sure she would appreciate it.”
“How about we all give $20 and you can get her something big that they may not have yet?” Tommy asked, trying to play both sides. He didn’t want to be too into the idea and get Sal riled up but he also wanted to support Howie’s idea.
“Yeah that sounds good, thanks Tommy.” Howie said. “I don’t think they have a crib yet, maybe we can get them one?”
“I’ll get the box and ask around for people to donate, ok?” Tommy said as Sal walked away and Tommy turned to follow.
The following weekend had Tommy picking up Howie in his truck as they made their way to the big box baby store.
“Do you know what crib they want or are we just gonna guess?” Tommy asked.
“So I broke down and spilled the surprise to Hen,” Howie said guiltily.
“Howie!” Tommy admonished.
“I know! I know! But i didn’t wanna get one that they would hate or want to return and have to worry about so I talked to her and I asked for exactly what they would want and she sent me back some pictures of what her and Karen are planning for the nursery and what they think will go with the theme they picked out.”
“Huh, I guess I didn’t think about themes or decorations or anything like that. I’m not used to having to think about gifts like this for people in my life.”
“Sal literally just had his first kid last year” Howie said.
“Well yeah but…” Tommy trailed off. He was going to say something that would probably have come off as sexist but he knew that was his dad’s voice in his head telling him that. “I guess I never really thought about doing anything like this for him and his wife. Maybe we should have?” He said instead. He felt bad for not having been more supportive of his best friend’s first kid.
“Yeah well I don’t think he would have wanted us to anyway but that’s his loss. Hen was really grateful when I told her we were doing this today so I’m glad we could take some of this stress on for her.”
They kept going in silence for a minute when Howie noticed the full garbage bag in the back seat.
“What’s with the bag man?” Howie asked.
“Oh! Sal dropped that off this morning on their way to church. His wife insisted he said. It’s all clothes their kid doesn’t fit in anymore. She said they can take them all off her hands like they would be doing her a favor.” Tommy said with a chuckle.
“Well that was thoughtful I guess” Howie said.
Once they got to the store they made their way back to the furniture section and realized they were out of their league and asked for help from the sales associate. They showed her the pictures that Hen had sent and went over the budget with the money they had pooled from work. Tommy knew he would be fine adding in more if they went over budget but he was quickly distracted by a blanket set that caught his eye. It was just a soft fleece baby blanket but it was covered in little firefighter helmets and Dalmatians. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to add a little extra as he picked it up and tuned back in to what Howie was saying.
“So the mattresses are sold separately? Why don’t they just come with the crib? Which one should we get then?” He was asking the woman, who seemed like she was used to answering these questions.
Eventually they made their way to the front to check out, carrying the mattress, mattress pad, mattress cover, the blanket Tommy picked out and the sales tag for the crib the associate was bringing up for them.
“Do you think we should have picked out, like, sheets and stuff too?” Tommy asked.
“No I think that’s more decorative and I think Karen is gonna wanna pick that stuff out herself. This is all just plain stuff so I’m not worried about it not matching everything else.”
Tommy looked down at the blanket in his hands, wondering now if it was a bad idea to get it. What if it didn’t match?
“Don’t worry man, I think they will like the blanket. It’s cute.” Howie reassured him.
Cute. Huh. Tommy had never had a chance to really do anything cute before. It felt really nice though so he decided to not worry about how that would make him look.
They ended up going way over budget and Howie mad a joke about how he was glad he wouldn’t have to worry about these prices any time soon because he was perpetually single. Tommy felt a little sad because he wasn’t sure if he would ever get to worry about these kinds of purchases. But he didn’t say that to Howie, instead agreeing that it was hard being single right now.
They loaded up the crib and mattress into the bed of the truck and made their way over to Hen’s house. Howie had to give him directions because he had never been over to her house before. Once they got there Tommy and Howie carried everything in and then took a look at Hen. She was still limping from the accident and wasn’t able to move around very much or do any heavy lifting.
“Howie can you go get my toolbox from the truck? We can get this all set up tonight I think.” Tommy said.
“Oh no you don’t have to do that, Karen and I can build it” Hen tried to protest.
“Yeah but you don’t have to because we are gonna get it done now before she gets home and you can tell us all about how you got her to come back” Tommy said.
“Oh well if you want then I can at least buy you guys some pizza and I can use some help getting the child locks set up on the cabinets” she said, eager to put them to work.
“You got it boss” Howie said as he made his way back in with the toolbox. Tommy got started putting together the crib which was pretty straightforward. Howie went to the kitchen with Hen to start putting the locks in place. After everything was built and the crib all put together, Tommy brought in the bag of clothes from Sal as well as the baby blanket he had bought for Hen.
“Oh this is too cute! Thank you guys you really did not have to do all this for us,” she said.
“Of course we did Hen, you’re our friend.” Howie said.
“And we got pizza out of it so win win” Tommy said.
“Well I appreciate all the help. I guess I never expected it from so many people. Karen’s coworkers put together a baby shower for next week even though they had no time to plan it. Everyone at the lab was just so excited she decided to stay they wanted to have a big celebration for her.” Hen said with a smile.
“You’re welcome” Howie said, sounding smug.
“So wait you really convinced Karen to get back together with Hen?” Tommy asked. “I gotta be honest I thought that was a joke?”
“Yeah I think he’s gonna take credit for that one forever and never let it go” Hen said. “Denny’s probably gonna hear the story from him every birthday until college at this rate”
“Hey, I gotta make sure I’m the favorite uncle somehow. What better way than saying I’m the reason your parents are together.”
Tommy was a little bit envious of the easy and close friendship these two had seemed to develop over the years. He had always struggled to get close to people and though him and Howie were friends, there was still so much that Tommy never really felt comfortable enough to share. He wondered if he would ever have a friend like that one day. Someone he could trust with everything about himself. Someone he could depend on. Someone who would convince the person he loved to come back to him if he ever lost him. But that was just a pipe dream for him right now.
After dinner Karen came home and Tommy met her for the first time. He was finding himself envious of Hen once again as he saw her in a loving committed relationship with a woman. He wished he could have something like them one day. But he would need to make some serious changes in his life that he just wasn’t sure he could do right now.
Once they were heading out the door Tommy glanced at Howie and he could tell by the look on his face, he was feeling the same envy as Tommy. He knew Howie also dreamed of having his own family one day but also had been having a string of bad luck in the dating department lately. At least he could openly date the type of person he wants to date, Tommy thought to himself. He shook off the depressing thoughts and instead asked “do you wanna go grab a beer?”
“Yes please” Howie said.
They went out to a bar that specialized in craft beer and made their way over to the pool table for a few rounds that night. Tommy limited himself to one beer for the night because he drove them and he was determined to wing man for Howie tonight. No reason both of them should be lonely today.
“Hey man, what do you think of that woman at the bar?” He asked Howie. She seemed to be his type. She had dark hair, dark eyes and she was making eyes at the both of them.
“She’s hot but way out of my league” Howie replied.
“Oh really?” Tommy asked. “Then why has she been glancing over here all night?”
“Has she?”
“Yeah man, I think you have a shot”
“Wait, you saw her first you wanna go talk to her?”
“Nah man she’s not my type” Tommy said, preparing to go to his usual “she’s too broody” but Howie didn’t ask him what his type was this time. Maybe he suspected what Tommy could never say. She’s not my type because she’s a she. But if Howie suspected anything he kept it to himself.
“What would I even say to her? Nothing I’ve been trying lately has really worked.” Howie said dejectedly.
“Well ask her what beer she’s drinking, get that one too. Introduce yourself and tell her what we do for a living. That always seems to work for me” he said, thinking about his last hookup with that guy from the bar 2 months ago. Maybe he could call him up later?
“Oh because hey I get puked on by strangers is a real turn on. Cap hasn’t let me do any of the fun rescues recently.” Howie complained.
“So just tell her about that rope rescue we did the other day from the high rise. That was a good one!” Tommy said.
“That was you and Sal man, I just worked the winch.”
“Well then just use the royal we. Just say ‘oh the other day WE jumped over a roof and climbed the outside of a building to save a woman and her 3 cats” Tommy advised.
“But I was not part of that we, Thomas”
“Well she doesn’t need to know that! Plus you are part of the team so you did help with it even if you weren’t the one on the rope.” Tommy said. “Howard” he added, just to play off of Howie’s use of his first name.
“Hmmm so play the team’s rescue’s off as my own…. Ok worth a shot” he said.
“Hey, if she needs more I will tell her about the time you saved my life in that gas leak!” Tommy replied.
“Ok wish me luck” Howie said before making his way over to the bar.
Tommy had finished his drink before Howie came back. “It worked man! I got her number! And we’re going out next Thursday” he said as he made his way back to the table, grinning from ear to ear.
“I told you man, works every time” Tommy said.
“Man do you have any other stories I can use? She seemed really into the big heroic stuff.”
“You don’t have to use my stories dude, you can tell her about the time you and Hen saved that kid from the pond in that limo accident.” Tommy reminded him.
“You’re so right man, this is great. Hey, thanks for taking me out today, I really needed this. It’s been hard at work the past few days without Hen around” Howie said.
“Yeah, I get that. It’s always more work for me when Sal has the day off” Tommy said.
Howie made a face like that wasn’t what he really meant, but he didn’t say anything to correct him. Maybe it was more than that but Tommy didn’t want to dig into those emotions. He was already feeling jealous of Hen, he didn’t need to be reminded of what he was envious of at work as well. The bond Hen and Howie had. Almost like they were their own little family. He knew he would never have that kind of closeness with them. Not while he was still lying about himself to everyone. Keeping his distance from everyone may keep his secrets safe but I also made for a lonely life.
Those thoughts plagued him the whole rest of the night and they left the bar, Howie was talking excitedly about his date but Tommy was thinking hard about his life.
What would he need to change to not feel like this anymore? How could he try to be more like Hen, happy and starting a new life with a wonderful partner by her side. More like Howie, open and honest with a best friend that was more like a sister that he could share everything with. Less lonely and afraid of all his secrets coming out.
He looked around his small apartment when he got home and glanced at the magnet on the fridge holding his flight re-certification papers. Maybe, if he made one small change, he could start over somewhere new. Find some new friends he had no baggage with. Find his own way out of the box he had put himself in.
He resolved that night to sign up and finish his certification for the LAFD pilot program. He decided if they ever accepted him he would be brave like Hen and start his time there out of the closet. He wasn’t ready yet, but he was willing to make small changes to crack open that wall he had put up around him. Not for the first time he found himself so grateful that Howie had come into his life and wormed his way under his skin. He owed a lot to that man and he hoped he could pay him back one day.
And who knows, maybe one day his coworkers will be surprising him with a crib. one day. Maybe. If he can just find a way to come out, find a man who would want to have kids with him, and he would feel comfortable trusting his coworkers enough to tell them?
“Maybe someday” he whispered to himself in the dark of his room. No one was around to hear it anyway.
—————————————————————
Tommy kept stealing glances over at Evan as he drove them back after the cemetery. He couldn’t stop replaying Evan’s words to Billy over and over again in his head. Words about loneliness and people. And how amazing his boyfriend was that he would think about those things for a dead guy.
“You know, If I were Billy and I heard what you said back there…” he started, “I would probably be really grateful that someone cared enough to think about me like that. That they could see how painful the loneliness really is and want to ease that pain. I think if I were him I would lift the curse for you Evan.” Tommy finished.
“Really? So you think it worked?” He asked, sounding so earnest.
Tommy wasn’t sure he believed in curses or anything like that, but he did believe that Evan believed it. And if what Eddie said about stress brining on the boils was true, than maybe Evan just needed to believe the curse could be gone and the symptoms could clear up.
“I think your body may still need time to heal up but I think with the curse being gone, it can finally do its job. But, Evan, are the boils painful? I don’t want you to be in pain. Maybe the doctor could give you something that can help with that, now that the curse is gone?” He said, placatingly.
“Well I do have a cream that I got for that but I didn’t want to piss off Billy by using it and have him come after the firehouse next. I figured if he focused on me he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. But then Denny got hurt and I was really worried about the curse spreading…” Evan was saying.
Tommy couldn’t help falling a little bit more in love with this man. Too soon. He had to remind himself for the 4th time this car ride. Can’t tell him that yet. It’s too soon.
But he could imagine this man, and a house, and a crib bought by his coworkers, and hand-me-down clothes from that don’t fit Jee anymore. And maybe his dream of a future he had once upon a time was not so impossible anymore.
“Hey, how is Denny doing by the way?” He asked.
“Oh, Hen said he’s doing great, not so good at being laid up right now but Mara and Jee brought him all of their candy and they are tearing up the hospital room because they are hopped up on so much sugar. Mara seems to be handling it better now that she is allowed in to see him. He should be going home tomorrow they just wanted to make sure he didn’t get an infection after the surgery,” Evan continued.
He seemed to be feeling more relaxed than he had in days. Tommy thought that was a good sign. Maybe he could finally let the whole curse thing go.
“That’s great to hear,” Tommy replied. “Hey,” he said, trying to keep Evan distracted, “did I ever tell you about the first time I met Denny?”
“No!” Evan replied excitedly.
“Well it was back when Hen was still on maternity leave and she was going a little bit stir crazy at home so she decided to bring Denny on a trip to the firehouse. She stayed the whole day and let us all get a chance to say hi to him. He was such a cute little guy and I was so jealous of her. She was the first one of our coworkers to bring their kid in like that. The other guys never really did that with their kids. It was really nice to meet him though.” Tommy finished.
“Jealous?” Evan asked.
“Uh, yeah.” Tommy hesitated for a moment. “You know, I wasn’t really out then and Hen was out there living as her authentic self and she was so happy. And I felt so sad because I thought, that’s something I will never get to have. Ya know?”
Evan seemed to pause for an eternity before he hummed in agreement. “I get what you mean.” He finally said. “I’ve felt that way before too. But, the 118 made me realize I was never going to be that lonely lost boy again. They became my family and helped me be more open and honest about who I am as well. And maybe one day that life I always stopped myself from dreaming about could be mine too.” He said.
Too soon. Too soon. He reminded himself as he felt that fluttery feeling in his stomach again. But for the 5th time again today he thought to himself that he was going to tell Evan that he loved him. And would maybe like to be more than just boyfriends. And would maybe like to have a house and a nursery and kids and a dog. And someone to walk through life with. Too soon.
“Yeah,” Tommy said. Maybe. Soon. He thought.