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It was the day before Valentine’s Day, and it was, in fact, Bill’s first Valentine’s Day, not just with Pine Tree, but the demon’s first ever. Because of that, naturally Bill wanted the day to go perfectly, which is exactly why he recruited the help of Shooting Star.
“So as you can see, I’m gonna need your help,” Bill explained to Mabel. “I know it’s customary for humans to give each other hearts on Valentine’s Day, but Pine Tree doesn’t like it when I kill, even if it’s people he hates. Do you think we could maybe look for a spell that allows humans to live without the heart-muscle?”
“Bill,” Mabel sighed. “Humans don’t give each other real hearts, they give out paper hearts, like these,” Mabel showed a bunch of Valentine’s cards she had made during the week.
“That looks more like a human’s cleavage than a heart…” Bill frowned at the paper cut-outs.
“Oh my god, Bill, you’re ruining everything I love!” Mabel groaned. “Look, just make a card, write something on it, and give it to Dipper tomorrow. I guarantee he will love it.”
“What?” Bill gave Mabel a confused look. “Aren’t I supposed to give Pine Tree something great and spectacular? I’m his boyfriend; I need to top all previous Valentine’s presents!”
“The thing is,” Mabel had a sad look in her eyes. “Dipper never got any Valentine’s presents, not even a card…”
“What!?!” Bill roared.
“Yeah, so he’ll probably like whatever you give him-“
“No,” Bill interrupted. “Don’t you see? Now it’s even more important that I give him something great! I need to make up for all previous Valentine’s Days! Thanks for your help, Shooting Star! I didn’t realize the importance of this!”
Before Mabel had a chance to say anything, Bill had already teleported away, presumably off to plan his Valentine’s Day with Dipper.
The next day, Dipper was sitting by his desk, putting the finishing touches on his Valentine’s card for Bill. He knew the demon would probably find the whole holiday and its traditions stupid, but Dipper was actually really excited to spend the day with his boyfriend, even if it just involved them watching TV together.
He was interrupted from his thoughts by Bill teleporting in; the demon holding his hands behind his back and had a big smile on his face.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Bill,” Dipper greeted his boyfriend and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
“And a happy Valentine’s Day to you, Pine Tree,” Bill responded, an excited glint in his eye. “So, I had wondering what to get you-“
“Bill, you don’t have to give me anything,” Dipper interrupted, gently stroking Bill’s face.
“But I wanted to. First, I read about that Saint Valentine guy, and I discovered that he’s the patron saint of beekeeping, so I thought I’d give you bees!”
“You wanted to give me bees?” Dipper asked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, but it was really hard to get a hold of bees; apparently they’re dying out or something. So then, I tried to find out more about the holiday, and I read that humans give each other hearts!”
“Please don’t tell me you killed somebody to give me their heart,”
“Nope, Shooting Star told me that you don’t give each other real hearts, you give them boob-shaped paper cards,” suddenly Dipper was happy he’d decided to make his Valentine’s card triangular. “Then, I went out to get you some new gifts!” Bill moved his hands from his back, shoving a bouquet of amaryllis, white heathers and daffodils. “So please accept this bundle of dying plants as a symbol of my love for you!”
“Thank you, Bill,” Dipper smiled and took the bouquet. “I have something-“
“Wait, Pine Tree! I’m not done yet!” Bill interrupted and grabbed Dipper, causing to drop the bouquet, but the human managed to snatch his card before Bill pulled him out of the room and led him downstairs where a giant teddy bear, almost as big as Dipper was sitting in the living room; It was brown, had a cute smiling face with big black eyes, and it was holding a red heart with ‘You’re Beary Cute’ written in white cursive.
“Bill, where am I even gonna put this?” Dipper asked, surprised at the giant stuffed animal with the cheesy pun.
“In our room, of course,” Bill replied before pulling Dipper out the door. “Come on! I have many more presents for you!”
Said presents included: twenty heart-shaped helium balloons, that Dipper accidently let go of, a trip to the animal shelter where Bill told him that he could pick out any animal he wanted, ending with Dipper telling him that Grunkle Stan would most likely not allow them to keep a pet, since the old man barely tolerated Waddles and Gompers, and a trip to the cinema to see a new movie that was premiering today, only it turned out to be a violent action movie, and not a romance movie.
The two of them were walking back to the shack, holding hands.
“I’m sorry, Pine Tree,” Bill sighed. “I’ve been trying so hard to make this Valentine’s Day great, but I can’t help feeling like I really messed it up.”
“What?” Dipper exclaimed in confusion. “Bill, this has probably been my best Valentine’s Day ever!”
“Yeah, but that’s saying much!” Bill protested. “Shooting Star told me that you haven’t gotten any Valentine’s gifts before, so I wanted to make up for it…”
“Bill,” Dipper stopped walking and took both of Bill’s hands in his. “I’ve had a wonderful time; you didn’t have to go out of your way to make this day something special. The only thing I wanted was to spend time with you. But because of you dragging me around, giving me all these gifts, I never had a chance to give you mine.” Dipper pulled the card out of his back pocket; it had gotten a little wrinkly, but aside from that, it was still intact.
Bill took the red, triangular card; it had “To: Bill, From: Your Pine Tree” written on it. Bill opened it, revealing the insides of the card, decorated mainly with small doodles of Bill’s demon form, but also small pine trees, as well as glittery heart stickers, presumably a gift from Shooting Star. Written on the insides of the card was: “Roses Are Red, The Sky is Blue, I think You’re ‘Acute’, Do You think I am Too?”
“Pine Tree!” Bill’s face broke out into a huge smile as he gave Dipper a giant hug. “It’s the best thing ever! I love it!”
“I-it’s just a silly card, Bill,” Dipper mumbled, trying to hide his blush along with his own smile.
“I have one more gift for you!” Bill declared and pulled Dipper towards the forest.
After walking a bit in the forest, Bill led the human to a glade where a table with two chairs, along with plates, glasses and utensils, were placed.
“I wanted to take you to a restaurant,” Bill explained. “But everything’s was booked, so I improvised.”
“I think I prefer this,” Dipper smiled at the demon and sat down. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Bill.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Pine Tree.”