Chapter Text
Gus inches closer to the mirror, eye-to-eye with his own reflection, nostrils exhaling condensation onto the glass. He assesses himself carefully and then leans back, raising a set of tweezers to his left eyebrow and plucking one nearly invisible hair.
“There. Symmetrical.”
Then he’s grabbing a bottle of concealer from the bathroom shelf and squeezing a dollop onto the back of his palm.
Gus taps it onto his face using his ring finger, keeping the movement light.
He is going on a date, which means he has to Look Good, and part of Looking Good is ensuring his eyebags are gently concealed enough to look perfect but not unnatural. Besides, you don’t want to cake it on, or it’ll smear on your bottom lashes and look weird.
It’s a bit much. Gus is cognizant that it is a bit much.
But in his defense, it’s pretty hard for him to date.
Not that Gus isn’t a catch — he’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s talented, he’s strong, he’s a lot of things: lucky in love is not one of them.
The problem is that there’s not a lot of people in his dating pool. He knows a lot of people his age, sure, but they’re his students. Even if a lot of them are older than him, it would be unethical. Besides, how would he know if someone really liked him or if they were just using him to get an A? Plus, what if they broke up? Would he have a reputation for being a creep who dates his own pupils?
But. But but but! None of that matters anymore. Gus thinks giddily.
Keratina is perfect. She’s beautiful, first of all. Not that that’s the first thing Gus looks for in someone, but it’s true! She’s got the prettiest iridescent scales ever and her eyes are green and she used to play flyer derby (like him!) so she’s decently muscular. Kera’s smart, too: maybe not as smart as him, but she’s up there. She’s a year older but skipped a grade, so they’re in similar situations. They’ve been on two dates already. He’s praying for this to be the third; a perfect trifecta.
Gus steps back and checks the time — still a good bit of time before he has to leave. He’s sharply dressed: white button-down, ironed pants, and elegant boots. Everything is as it should be.
Before he can return to scrutinizing his appearance, he’s interrupted by the chirping of his scroll.
Gus’ face contorts into a grin. That’s gotta be her! He sets his glasses back onto his nose.
His face goes limp as he reads the contents of the message. Ugh.
Fuckin’ Mattholomule’s texted him — saw some dumbass kid stick his hand in cement @ work n it reminded me of that time u walked into cement in ur new shoes LMAO.
Gus considers leaving him on delivered, but the memory actually does make him smile, so he types — yeah okay says the guy who ate paint because he thought it was yogurt!! — and forgets for a second how sweaty his underarms are.
Keratina hasn’t texted him again, but she did text this morning to confirm the time and place, so Gus figures it’s fine and doesn’t message her.
(Okay, he thinks about it, but coming across as desperate won’t do him any well.)
Gus turns back to the mirror and sucks in a breath, slapping his palms against his cheeks and bouncing on the balls of his feet. Okay, you got this. It’s the third date, and it’s going to go super well, and she’s going to be your girlfriend by the end of the night!
Luckily, most of his sweat dries as he rides on his palisman.
He descends slowly to the agreed-upon location, dismounting carefully to ensure he doesn’t scuff his shoes. Gus checks his watch: he’s early. He glances around and can’t see Keratina.
With a sigh, Gus pulls out his scroll to distract himself. Matt’s texted him back — The paint was pink. I thought it was like berry yogurt or something — and it makes him laugh, so he likes the message.
“What’s so funny?”
Gus jumps, yelping an embarrassing cry and dropping his scroll (which, thankfully, floats).
Keratina bursts out laughing. “You’re easy to scare.”
Gus exhales. “You surprised me, okay?” He looks at her and his breath catches. She’s dressed in a patterned tunic and her wrists are jingling because she’s wearing like, fifty different bangles, and Gus is thankful she showed up. “You look great.”
“So do you! I feel underdressed with how…” her voice trails off, “sharp you look, heh.”
Fuck. “Yeah, well, dress to impress, like they say,” Gus chuckles. “Shall we go in?”
She looks at him, bemused. Gus hopes it’s a charmed sort of bemused and not a pity sort of bemused. “Of course.”
He holds the door open for her and they enter the recently-completed Bonesborough Museum wing.
“Wow, this has cool architecture,” Keratina comments, glancing up at the ceiling and taking in her surroundings.
“Yeah, I actually know the people who designed and built it,” Gus replies. “Wanna know what the best part of that is?”
“What?”
They approach the front desk and the worker nods at the two of them to go ahead.
“Free entry!”
“Score!”
“I actually deserve it, though. Funnily enough, I went here a few times when it was being built, and I stepped in cement the first time.”
“No!”
“Yes! And I had a new pair of shoes on, too.”
“Man, that sucks,” she says, smiling.
Mentally, Gus pumps a fist. Matt kinda saved me on that one.
“That kinda reminds me of the time I snuck out in high school. I thought I was so sneaky, but I ended up ripping my uniform. I had to pay up fifteen of my own snails so my parents wouldn’t find out. Instant karma.” They walk through the arches, stopping at a series of paintings depicting early human events.
“You went to St. Epiderm, right?” he asks as they admire the art. “I would have remembered you if you went to Hexside.”
“Guilty as charged. You guys were okay. The real villains were Glandus.”
Gus laughs. “Oh, you’re absolutely correct. Fuck Glandus.”
“Fuck Glandus,” she parrots.
An awkward silence falls for a moment as they make their way to the end of the paintings, making Gus glad he chose a familiar location.
“Have you ever seen a giraffe before?” he asks, pointing to the exhibit space. A family of giraffes are grazing on the leaves of a tree.
Keratina’s eyes widen. “Dang! They’re so silly. Are those…”
“Real?” Gus finishes. “Nah. They’re sculptures; they have illusion spells on them to mimic giraffe behavior.”
“Cool. I totally would not have guessed that.”
Gus looks around mischeviously. The only nearby employee is an unattentive octopus-headed kid. “Watch this.”
He spins a spell circle and the youngest giraffe begins to dance, its movements disproportionate to a real giraffe’s capabilities. Keratina laughs. “That just looks freaky.”
As they progress through the exhibits, Gus gives as much information on them as he can. Luckily, she seems to be into it, especially when he illusions the displays. I really hope I didn’t mess up any of the spells, or Lilith is going to be pissed.
“You’ve been to so many places and you’re a year younger than me. You’re so lucky!”
“Yeah, well, it’s a blessing and a curse. A blurse.” He regrets saying it as soon as it comes out.
“It’s crazy how much you know about a lot of these exhibits,” Keratina notes, swiping a finger across the placard.
Shit, I overdid it.
Gus gives her a slightly-sweaty smile. “Honestly, I was a bit nervous. I’m familiar with everything here, so I figured this was a safe place.”
“Didn’t know I was so nervewracking,” Kera says, leaning closer to Gus. His heart races faster. “But I’m glad you were here to show me the ropes. You’re a good tour guide.”
They continue perusing the exhibits and Gus takes it a bit easy on the info-dumping stuff. Even though she said he’s a good tour guide, he doesn’t want to look too weird.
(Though, it may be too late for that.)
He knows Luz is all about that weirdos stick together! stuff, but Gus would really like to have at least one successful romance under his belt before he turns 18, thank you very much.
At one point, Keratina’s scaled hand brushes his. Gus inhales as quietly as he can and works up the nerve to lace his fingers between hers. She doesn’t look at him, but she holds his hand back, so it’s a success nonetheless.
They hit up the gift shop at the end of the date. Gus uses some of his professor money to buy her some stupid Hooty magnet, which she promises to cherish forever.
At the end of the date, they walk into the back gardens and sit on the benches.
“I had fun,” Keratina says.
“Yeah,” Gus says back, feeling his heart beat against his bile sac. Oh, Titan, this is it, it may just happen. He feels distanced from his body, like he’s watching himself in the third person, like he isn’t in control.
Gus looks at Keratina and Keratina looks at Gus; Gus watches himself tilt his head; Keratina follows along with the motion, and then their mouths connect with one another to create a brief, nervewrackingly amazing kiss. Her hand cradles his cheek.
Keratina pulls away first and smiles. Gus blinks a couple of times, and then her hand leaves his cheek and they look away from each other.
“So,” he says.
“So.”
“What are we exactly, then?” Gus asks.
Keratina shrugs, smiling impishly.
“Would you like to be my girlfriend?” he proposes.
“Oh!” she says, caught off guard.
Keratina thinks for a second. Gus’ pulse quickens and he has to bite his tongue before he sputters something totally lame and unconfident and uncool.
Thankfully, she finalizes her answer. “…Yeah, okay. I don’t know if I’m looking for anything super long term yet? But I like you, Gus, and I’m happy to see where things go. Keeping it casual, you know?”
“Yeah, sounds great to me!” He smiles, but there’s something deflated behind the gesture. “Are you good to fly home? Should I follow you?”
“I think I can handle it myself, but thanks.” She stand, pressing her lips against his cheek. “Thanks for the awesome date, and the magnet, and everything. See you soon?”
“I — absolutely!”
…
Ugh, Gus thinks, replaying the memory of the date in his head for the millionth time — every twitch of his nose, every stupid line spoken, every step he took — did it convey how he wants to be perceived perfectly? Did she pick up on how stupidly eager he was? She definitely noticed. Did he come across as weird and unconfident? Did she mean what she said, or was it pity? I screwed up so badly.
“Who shit in your cereal?” asks Matt, loudly screeching a set of chairs aside with his body and maneuvering into the seat across from Gus. He slams his lunch tray on the table. It is loaded with an array of foods.
“What are you doing here?” Gus demands.
Matt looks at him funny. “Eating? They’re serving pot pie today. I like pot pie.” As if to hammer in his point, he picks up a fork and begins shoveling food into his mouth. “Can’t get authentic human cuisine for this cheap anywhere else.”
“You know, gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins on Earth.”
“Ha! Their food is twice as good as ours. Of course they’re stuffing themselves.”
Gus picks up his sandwich and takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully. It’s only silent for a second before he’s blurting out, “by the way, I have a girlfriend now.”
Matt raises his eyebrows. “Yeah? Congrats, dude.”
“Thanks.”
“Y’don’t seem too pleased,” Matt observes, scraping the bottom of his pie tin.
“I was just thinking of something else,” Gus deflects.
“Uh huh. What’s on your mind, then?” he asks, scrubbing his nose with the heel of his palm. Gross.
“Okay, it is the girlfriend,” Gus admits.
“What about her’s set you off? Does she call you something stupid, like Gussy-Wussy-Kins?”
Gus looks disturbed. “What — no? Why is that the first — no, she does not call me anything like that.”
“Then what? You not like that chick or something? Hostage situation?” He crunches his chips.
“She has a name,” Gus says, voice tinging with annoyance. “Keratina. And yes, I like her a lot, thank you very much.”
“How much does she like you, then?”
Gus winces. He hates that Matt knows him well enough to trip him up. “Well — she agreed to be my girlfriend, didn’t she?”
Matt smirks. “You askin’ me, or telling me, dude?” He opens his carton of chocolate milk and chugs it.
Gus scoffs, folding his arms against his chest. “At least I’m in a relationship. More than I can say for you. How many failed dates are you on now?”
“Hey, we’re talkin’ about you. Besides, I screw up all the time. You’re the golden boy; it’s more fun when you do it. Pants are on the other leg or whatever.” Matt stands to throw his trash out and Gus follows suit, stacking his plates.
“Okay, having a girlfriend is like the opposite of screwing up. And the phrase is ‘the shoe is on the other foot.”
“Dweeb. I mean, it kinda is screwing up to be settling like that.” Matt turns smugly to make eye contact with him.
Gus glares at Matt. “Dude, shut up. Are my rants just a source of schadenfreude for you?”
“Eh, a bit.” He waves his hand dismissively as he returns his tray.
“I’m impressed you knew that word.”
Matt groans. “You use that word all the time when you want to sound smart. I’ve heard you use it multiple times. It’s like, your default nerd word. Of course I know what it means now.”
Gus flushes red with embarrassment and annoyance and something else that resides beneath his ribs. “Way to keep me humble.”
“It’s what I do best.” Matt smiles, pulling his arms over his head and cracking his joints. His wrinkled shirt rides up a bit. “But seriously, I think you’re worrying too much. If she likes you and you like her, who cares if it’s a bit unequal at first? You guys just got together.”
“So, what,” Gus counters, scraping the food off his plate with ferocity, “I should just, like, accept the love I’m given, even if I want more? I should just wait it out for the potential of her liking me more, even if I know it might not happen? I shouldn’t try with others because this might be the best I’ve got?”
“...Not so bad if you get used to it,” Matt shrugs.
“Please, what would you know about that?” Gus scoffs.
Matt rolls his eyes and gives him a scrutinizing up-and-down look. “A lot.”
“Please. You just waltz around with whatever girl’s giving you attention that month. Doubt you keep any of ‘em around enough to quantify how much they like you or if you like them.”
Matt’s mouth rights itself from a scowl into a grin. “Right, I’m a playboy. A womanizer. A lothario. You said it best, man, I’m real popular with the girls.”
“Oh, come on, don’t — it’s not a compliment!”
“From you? It totally is. Face it, Augustus, you’re envious of me ‘cause I don’t get all sissy and sentimental like you. I know when to walk away from things.”
Gus groans and shoves Matt into the nearest pillar. Not the most mature reaction, he realizes, but he’s sick of entertaining him.
“Oww! Hey, I could’ve gotten hurt.”
“Walk it off, lover boy.”
“Fine. But you asked me for relationship advice. I’ll never forget that.”
“I didn’t? You started talking to me?”
“You started it by babbling about your girlfriend… Aaaaanyway, are you gonna stay with her?”
“I’m going to try. She wants casual, but I’m pretty bad at ‘casual.’”
“Touching,” Matt says, clearly losing interest by the second. “Hey, are you coming to movie night?”
“Movie night! Yes, that’s perfect.”
“How?”
“I can bring her to movie night. What’s more casual than a cozy movie night with friends?”
Matt snorts. “Yeah, bring her to meet all your friends that you’re super close with. That’s one step below bringing her home to dad, dude, doesn’t really scream casual.”
“Shut up,” says Gus, holding the door open behind him for Matt. “I'm the most casual around you guys. I’ll be more relaxed and I can show her how chill I am and stuff.”
“Sounds fine to me. Also, I don’t care. See you Saturday?”
“Yeah, sure, dude,” Gus waves him off and turns to go back inside, not even really paying attention. This isn’t the right move — Matt trips him with his boot and he goes tumbling to the ground.
“Seriously?”
“That’s for shoving me.” Matt winks at him; only then does he fly off on his broomstick.
…
“Hey guys,” Gus greets, waving to his friends. They’re all, as usual, hanging around at Eda’s after work. It’s remarkably easy to get ahold of his friends.
“Gustabeth,” says Luz, shooting him a finger gun. “What’s up?” The other three lazily acknowledge his presence.
“So, I actually wanted to quickly ask you guys something… are you cool with me bringing someone to movie night tomorrow?”
“Yeah, of course!” Luz gives a double thumbs up that the others mirror.
“Cool! I was actually kinda nervous to ask, but I really wanted to introduce you guys to my girlfriend —“
“You and Mattholomule broke up?!” All four of his friends shout in unison.
“...What.”
“What do you mean ‘what’?” Willow says dubiously. “You broke up with your boyfriend of like, over a year and didn’t want to tell us?”
Gus sputters. “Wait, you’re — you’ve —”
“No wonder Matt’s been so cage-y lately,” Amity mentions. “Did you two break up about a month ago, then?”
“No, it’s —”
“Dunno what you saw in the guy, personally,” Hunter chimes in.
“I saw nothing,” Gus says, teeth clenched, “because we never dated.”
Luz, Willow, Amity, and Hunter exchange A Look.
“...Oh. Really?” Amity asks.
“It is what I just said, isn’t it?”
“Well, yeah, but…” Hunter says, trailing off after Luz elbows him below the ribs.
Gus massages his forehead. “Okay, I’m just going to forget any of you said that. Are you in for Keratina to come hang with us, or what?”
“Yeah,” Amity says, overcompensating-ly sweet with her tone, “excited to meet her.”
“Me too,” Willow adds.
“Man, you guys are annoying,” Gus groans.
Amity mumbles something that sounds like can you really blame us for thinking that? and Gus is so over this conversation that he goes into the kitchen for some water.