Work Text:
November 1st, 04:02 am
Buck can’t believe he’s breaking into Eddie’s house at this godforsaken hour on a weekday — as if this week couldn’t get any weirder — well, he’s technically not breaking in, he used his key, but still, he’s here hoping his best friend is already in bed and that he doesn’t notice there’s a friendly intruder in his home.
The moment he sets foot into the house he stops and reconsiders for a couple of seconds, he could still turn around and Eddie wouldn’t even notice that he was there… but then something catches his attention, a couple of boxes on the couch labeled “Halloween stuff”, meaning Eddie has already taken off all of his decorations, Eddie Diaz, the guy who loves Halloween and leaves the decorations up for at least an extra couple of weeks every year.
He got home from the hospital after Denny’s accident and he decided to take down all of his decorations instead of going to bed.
Yeah, this is bad.
So he keeps the plan going. A plan that he can’t believe he managed to put together in such little time, a plan that started just a week before Halloween…
****
October 25th, 8:33 am
The thing is... Eddie is depressed — or at least he’s heading in that direction — and Buck knows it. He also knows that Eddie is not ready to accept he’s not doing well. He keeps smiling and acting all happy, telling jokes and pretending there’s not a Christopher-shaped hole in his heart… in his soul. There are signs that the rest of the team doesn’t notice, and Buck doesn’t blame them, they don’t know Eddie like he does.
Buck notices when Eddie starts replying to his texts later than usual because he’s sleeping in more. He also sees Eddie’s distressed look when he thinks no one is paying attention, except Buck is always paying attention when it comes to his best friend. Buck is aware Eddie can’t stand quiet moments now, he needs to make small talk, play music or read, anything to distract himself from being alone with his mind. It’s hard and Buck doesn’t know what else he can do to help the other man who is clearly not ready to talk about it. So Buck does the only thing he can actually do… be there for his best friend. Be the support Eddie needs.
They are back from a 48 off. Buck walks into the station with a huge grin on his face, excited to tell his team everything about the possible props he found for the haunted house they’re putting together for the station this year. The guy just sent him a list with the options and they look amazing, some of them way too realistic and creepy.
He finds Eddie in the kitchen, sitting by himself with a book in hand and a steamy cup of coffee in front of him,
“Hey!” Buck greets him and looks around making sure they’re alone before placing a blue plastic bag on the table, “I brought you something,”
“Hi, Buck!” Eddie smiles, but the sadness in his eyes is still there, just the way it’s been for the last few months, “what’s that? The Halloween props?”
“Even better,” he sits next to his friend and once again makes sure no one from their shift is there yet, even though they are about 27 minutes early, so he knows no one -not even Bobby- is there yet. Eddie is looking at the bag with curiosity and Buck smiles, “Remember that nice food truck close to my place that sells those delicious tamales?” Eddie nods waiting for Buck to elaborate, “Well, I stopped by today to bring some for us to share and I found something even better, she had pan de muerto!”
Buck opens the bag and shows his best friend the traditional Mexican bread he got for them. Eddie smiles fondly and gets up to grab a couple of plates and a cup of coffee for his friend, “looks amazing, did she make it herself?”
“Yeah, she’s been selling it since last week… you can probably buy your bread from this place when you’re setting up your ofrenda this year,” Eddie smiles at him — a real smile that reaches his eyes — when he hears Buck’s way of saying the word ofrenda.
Buck sets the bread on the plates and cuts both in half. It is an automatic thing, he knows the two of them will love both flavors so he makes sure they can try them both.
“Chocolate and…?” Asks Eddie pointing at the sugary bread on the table. Buck grabs his cup of coffee, and takes a small sip before answering,
“Traditional… she let me try some and it has just the perfect touch of butter and orange,” they start eating in silence, and the sound Eddie lets out as he bites the bread for the first time is… well, let’s just say Buck is glad there’s no one around to see him blush.
Eddie breaks the silence and resumes their conversation, “I don’t think I’m putting an ofrenda this year,” he avoids making eye contact with Buck when he says it,
“What, why?”
“Well, Chris… uh, he’s already doing that in El Paso with my parents. To be honest, I’ve just been putting the altar every year so that he can learn about our traditions and think about his mom… but if he’s already doing it, I think I can pass this year,”
And Buck wants desperately to call him on his bullshit because this is something Eddie loves, he used to do it even before Shannon died, Buck has heard Chris talk about it on countless occasions. He’s even seen a box labeled “Día de Muertos” in his garage, right next to the Halloween and Christmas boxes.
He’s almost sure this is Eddie punishing himself again…
“It’s the same with Halloween, I almost forgot to decorate this year, and I didn’t even bring out all of the boxes, there was no point,”
Yeah, this is definitely Eddie punishing himself. Denying himself some happiness because he’s still feeling guilty and he doesn’t know what to do with his feelings.
“You’re still dressing up for the station’s Halloween event, right?” Buck holds his breath as he waits for an answer,
“Of course! Hen agreed to help me with my makeup,”
As if on cue, Hen walks into the kitchen holding a bag of apples,
“I can’t wait,” she says taking a seat in front of them, “wait, did you bring donuts or something? Did you bring enough for the whole class?” She teases Buck,
“It’s pan de muerto, bread of the dead, wanna try it?” He offers her his plate. He doesn’t know why he didn’t bring more for the rest of the team, somehow when he bought it it felt like it was something for him and Eddie to share.
“It’s not made of dead people, I swear,” says Eddie with a smirk,
“It hadn’t crossed my mind,” she looks at both her friends in the way she exclusively uses when they are being weird in that way that Buckandeddie only can.
October 26th, 02:38 am
Buck and Hen find themselves alone in the common area. Chim, Bobby, and Eddie are gone to take care of a medical emergency — a 68-year-old man who fell from his bed and is in too much pain to get up — Cap suggested only Chim and Eddie join him since it wasn’t a call that required the whole team.
Hen is quietly putting the finishing touches to her Halloween costume and Buck is deep in a research spiral,
“Buck, you’re doing it again,” she says with a soft voice. He has his face extremely close to his computer screen. Hen is pretty sure he needs reading glasses,
“Crap,” he sits up straight and his back makes a loud pop, “I do that when I get too excited while reading,”
“Hmm…”
“I don’t need glasses!”
“Are you an optometrist?” She smiles.
He sticks out his tongue and changes the subject,
“Did you know Eddie didn’t decorate his house for Halloween this year? I mean, he did, but like just one room…”
“Wow… I wanna ask why but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer. How is he doing?”
“It's… complicated. He-he seems fine but, I know he’s not. I mean, is not like he’s crying all the time and he’s given up on everything… but,”
“It can’t be easy… I mean, when they took Mara from us it was a nightmare, and even when Chim and Maddie took her in, it wasn’t the same, it was painful not having her there all the time, you know? I can’t even imagine what Eddie is going through,”
“Yeah…” Buck says almost in a whisper,
“And you… how are you doing?” They rarely talk about his relationship with Chris, but it is something everybody already knows. Buck might not be his father, but he’s something close. Eddie and Chris have created some sort of family unit with Buck, and things aren’t exactly going great for him either,
“He’s communicating with me via TikTok videos and memes… so, I’m holding on to that. I know he won’t be mad forever,” he hopes Hen can’t see his pain. If she does, she’s gracious enough to pretend she doesn’t.
“So what are you reading about? What’s got you putting your face barely an inch from the screen?”
“Día de Muertos… Day of the Dead. Yesterday when we started the shift Eddie told me he won’t be setting up an altar this year. Which is crazy because he always does! He says it’s because Chris will be already doing that at his grandparents' house, but that’s crazy, Hen! He loves his traditions so much, he’s so proud of his culture and there was something in his eyes when he told me he wouldn’t be doing it… I-I need to do something, I need to fix this. Wait, no… this isn’t something to be fixed… I,” he pauses and looks around to make sure Eddie hasn’t come back,
“What?” She asks curious,
“I don’t want Eddie to look back a few days after Day of the Dead and feel like shit because he didn’t do anything. I know him, Hen, and I know he will… he’ll blame himself and feel even more miserable,”
“So why don’t you talk to him?”
“I’m doing something even better,” the child-like grin on his face is enough to let Hen know that, whatever this is, Buck is not backing up from his plan,
“Am I going to regret it if I ask what?” She wonders if it would be better if she didn’t know,
“I’m setting up an altar in Eddie’s house… I just need to learn everything I can about it tonight, because even though I’ve seen him do it and Chis has told me about it a lot, I don’t want to screw this up or be disrespectful to his culture. Then I need to get all the elements and somehow manage to put it together somewhere around Halloween. I could probably stay at his place on Halloween night and do this while he’s asleep…”
“Sometimes I feel like you watch way too much TV,” she chuckles, “but it sounds like a nice plan. I’m sure he will appreciate it…”
November 1st, 1:05 am
Things don’t go as planned, of course. Because somehow before the week ends Buck manages to:
- Rent a prop that turns out to be a real corpse.
- Traumatize at least a dozen of children during the Halloween celebrations in the station.
- Slip on rotting pumpkin juices and fall in front of his whole team and three strangers.
- Dislocate his shoulder.
- Do a deep research on the life and death of Billy Boils.
- Break out into some weird-looking boils.
- See Hen and Karen almost lose their son in a dramatic accident.
So it’s almost a miracle he’s still standing at 1 am after they finally leave the hospital knowing that Denny is going to be alright.
He’s so tired, but he needs to do this, and it needs to be tonight. So he drives home, takes a hot shower to help with the soreness in his shoulder, and then drinks a Red Bull before heading to Eddie’s place.
It’s already 3:47 by the time he’s placed in his Jeep everything he’ll need for the Ofrenda. He thinks about texting Eddie with a stupid excuse just to make sure he’s already gone to bed… the thing is, if Eddie is already asleep and he hears the notification from Buck’s text he might wake up, and that would ruin Buck’s plan… so he doesn’t text him and just prays the stupid curse of Billy Boils isn’t big enough to ruin his plans.
November 1st, 04:05 am
There’s no going back, Buck is doing this. It might not help solve all of his best friend’s problems, hell, it might not solve even one of them, but he knows Eddie needs this and that this is the kind of thing the guy might end up regretting not doing in a couple of months when Christopher is back and things go back to normal... Because Buck needs to believe that Chris is coming back soon, that their family will be together again… Maybe Buck needs this surprise too, a little taste of normalcy that probably won’t last long but will be enough for them to keep going.
Buck takes a deep breath and brings a couple of boxes into the house. He places them next to the ones already on the couch and then grabs a little notepad from the inner pocket of his jacket, because yeah, he did a thorough research, called some people, and took notes so that everything would be perfect.
He has to be extra quiet when he walks into the dining room and starts moving the furniture. It’s probably not a great idea to push the table against the wall just a few days after he injured himself at work, but he pretends it isn’t a big deal. He plans to move the dining table to a corner of the room so he can use it to set the altar. Eddie did it like this a couple of years back and it looked amazing.
For a second he wonders if maybe he should’ve asked Tommy for help, but the truth is that he’s a little tired of his boyfriend making weird faces at him because of his stupid boils… and he’s seeing him again later this week. He slowly pushes the table and once it’s in the corner he wants it to be, he grabs the chairs and places them in the living room. He’ll probably move them to the porch later but for now, he doesn’t want to risk opening the door again and waking Eddie up.
God bless tía Pepa, the kind people of the internet, and the lovely lady of the tamales food truck who agreed to bake a special batch of pan de muerto for Buck. Someone on Reddit gives him the idea of using cardboard boxes to create the levels of the altar, and the structure turns out just perfect. He’s read that there are three types of altars: 2, 3, and 7 levels. After asking around and double-checking with Pepa, he decides on doing one with three levels,
“it represents the Earth, heaven, and purgatory…” said Eddie’s aunt when Buck called her,
“But isn’t the whole purgatory thing kinda… I don’t know. Are you sure I won’t be offending any souls?” In hindsight, this question is funny because less than 24 hours later he ends up bringing Billy Boils into his life.
“No, no… it’s not like that. The altar is a place the souls of our loved ones come and visit to see how much we love and remember them,” she explained with a loving voice.
Buck still doesn’t know how he managed to do this, but he has everything he needs for the altar. Even things he didn’t know he could get in L.A.… He’s learned a lot in the last few days, from both Day of the Dead and a random guy called William James McCurdy.
He takes a look at his notes while he fights the urge to scratch his face:
Make sure to add water so the souls can drink after their long trip back to this realm. And don’t forget salt, is to purify them before their trip back to the afterlife.
Check if it is okay to use LED candles instead of regular ones. Pepa said this was okay
Check if any kind of incense would work
Ask if I can add pictures from people outside the family (if they are not Mexican) Peppa also said this was okay
Ask Maddie for pictures of Daniel
Where to get Mexican Marigold?
How to pronounce Cempasúchitl? Should I go back to Spanish lessons?
Can I eat the bread from the altar after the souls visit?
06:57 am
He places the final touches, a path created with sawdust and surrounded with paper marigolds to indicate the souls on the way to the altar, it looks amazing. He’s kind of proud of himself for what he managed to do with so little time.
The only thing missing is the pictures of Eddie’s grandparents — on his mom’s side — Pepa had helped Buck with a picture of Eddie’s Abuelo. He grabbed one of Shannon from the mantel in the living room, and he even included a photo of Daniel riding his bike.
He looks at his watch, Eddie usually wakes up after 8 am when he doesn’t have a shift. So he decides to head to the couch and get some sleep while he waits for his best friend to wake up.
7:49 am
Eddie opens his eyes slowly and looks at the clock beside him, it’s not even 8 am… he’s tired, and his bed is so comfortable. He could probably go back to sleep, it’s not like he has things to do; Halloween is over, Chris is still gone, and his only plans for the day are doing the laundry, calling Hen to see how Denny is doing and then calling Buck to make sure he’s not driving himself crazy with the whole curse thing.
He considers his options, and yeah, staying in bed for a couple of more hours sounds great… he just needs to run to the bathroom real quick and then he can go back to bed, where nothing bad ever happens and he can pretend that his reality isn’t slowly crumbling down.
He reluctantly leaves the bed because of the insistence of his stupid bladder and heads straight to the bathroom. He’s washing his hands when he hears something outside and he directs a questioning glance at the mirror, his own face looking at him with caution, what’s that noise?
There it is again, is someone… is someone snoring?
Eddie opens the door of the bathroom and confirms that there’s definitely someone snoring in the living room, and he would freak out, except he could recognize those snores everywhere…
He slowly walks down the hallway until he reaches the living room and corroborates what he thought, Evan Buckley is fast asleep on the couch, snoring loudly and still covered in boils.
“Buck?” The other man doesn’t hear him. Eddie knows his best friend enough to know that he is tired, the way his body is positioned and the snores let him know that Buck still needs a little more sleep.
What the hell is he doing here? Maybe he argued with Tommy… or he’s still obsessing over that stupid curse and wanted to show me something… He decides he can wait a little longer to find out, if it were an emergency, Buck would’ve woken him up after all.
Well, since he can’t solve the mystery, it’s probably time to start his day, so he heads to the kitchen to grab some coffee, and that’s when he sees it, a whole Day of the Dead altar in his dining room. It looks beautiful, but he’s sure it wasn’t there when he went to bed…
Eddie is glad no one can hear his thoughts because for half a second, he wonders if this is some kind of miracle, if the souls of the people he loved came back to remind him of the importance of this tradition in particular. Then the rational part of his brain kicks in, and he knows this is the answer to 'why is Buck at my place?'
“Buck!” He shakes his friend lightly, and the other man sits up, looking extremely confused,
“Uhh… Ed-EDDIE! Fuck… what are you? What time? Did you…?” Eddie places a hand on Buck’s shoulder to help him relax.
“Sorry for waking you up,” says Eddie with a soft smile, “I just…” he turns around and points at the altar,
Buck’s mind finally starts working, and he remembers what’s going on. His face is full of concern now. What if Eddie hates this?
“A-are you mad?” He gets up and starts wondering if maybe he overstepped, what if Eddie hates this?
“Dude… what?! No, this is… Buck, this is amazing. You didn’t have to.”
Eddie doesn’t know why, but suddenly he wants —needs— to hug his friend and never let go,
Buck sighs with relief, “I-I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I kinda felt like you shouldn’t miss this… I know you said Chris already set one up in El Paso, but you deserve to celebrate, too, Eddie. It’s one of your favorite traditions… A-and I know the past few months have been hard, but I figured this would make you happy, and you deserve to be happy. Even if right now you don’t believe it. There’s nothing wrong with allowing yourself to enjoy things.”
A wave of different emotions washes over Eddie’s whole body at the same time. He wants to cry, laugh, run around the house, hug Buck, and hide in his room all at once. It takes him a moment to understand everything he’s feeling… It’s hard to allow himself to be happy without his own mind reminding him how much of a failure he is. It’s been months since the last time he felt like he deserved something nice.
“Eddie?” Buck looks at him with worry in his eyes.
Eddie presses his lips together until they are just a thin line, and he nods as he takes everything in. It’s like his feelings are finally catching up after he started avoiding them the moment Chris left.
“Uh,” he rubs his eyes, trying to scare away the tears that are threatening to show up. Then he turns around because he knows if he looks at Buck’s eyes, he might actually start crying, and he feels mortified just by imagining how weird it would be to explain to his friend that he doesn’t know why he’s crying.
I’ve been avoiding feeling anything for months, and now you show up at my house and do this… just because you care. And it’s like you picked the perfect little detail to make my heart feel something other than dread for the first time in weeks.
The moment he walks into the dining room, his mind is filled with memories of his childhood. Years and years of his abuela setting up a huge altar in her living room. How he helped his sisters to get everything ready for the ofrendas. The excitement of placing a picture of a loved one on the altar and imagining how they’ll come back to visit him and his family just for one magical night.
“Do you like it?” Asks Buck almost in a whisper.
“For a gringo, you did a great job, Buck.” Eddie smiles at his friend, and that little teasing comment gets the biggest grin from his best friend, “I love it, man.”
He gets closer and looks at the details. Everything is there, and just by looking at it, Eddie knows that behind this amazing gesture, there are hours and hours of research because that is just how Buck is.
“When did you have the time to do this, Buck? We had the craziest week ever… I mean, at some point your arm popped out of its socket, what the fuck, man? Did you finally give up sleeping to spend more time on Wikipedia?”
Buck blushes, and for a second, the image of his boyfriend telling him to go to sleep and close his computer flashes in his mind… because Tommy doesn’t understand that part of Buck yet, but Eddie knows Buck simply loves to research and learn.
“I decided last week that I would do it... when you told me you weren’t celebrating this year. I researched between calls and then called your aunt Pepa… A-and remember that lady from the tamales food truck? Sonia! She helped me, too! She hand-made a special batch of pan de muerto for the altar,” he points at the bread that’s been carefully placed on a golden ceramic plate that Eddie is almost certain he’s seen at Buck’s place.
"To be honest, I can't take all the credit here, I just researched, listened, and then double checked that I wasn't doing anything offensive to your culture."
Eddie can’t stop looking; the whole thing is mesmerizing. The orange and bright pink tones contrast with the black and white details. The marigolds framing a perfectly drawn sawdust path, the little candy skulls.
If he closes his eyes, the smells take him back to a familiar moment, but he can’t exactly pinpoint it. The incense, the flowers, the subtle smell of orange and ashes. It’s weird, but if warmth had a smell, he would definitely say it was this…
The altar is simply perfect, there’s even papel picado, and the colors are beautiful.
Where the hell did Buck get papel picado?
Every single detail is there, the salt, the food, a jug of water…
“Dude! You even added soap and a towel!”
“Someone on Reddit suggested it, and when I asked Pepa, she said she expects us to put soap and a mirror in every single one of her altars when she’s gone.”
Eddie smiles, she expects us, he thinks, US. Because, yeah, Buck is part of his family, of course, he’ll be helping Eddie with this tradition from now on.
“Oh, yeah… I’m pretty sure she would kick our asses if we don’t put a mirror and a huge plate of enchiladas Rojas de pollo in her ofrenda when she’s gone… but I mean, we don’t have to worry about that at the moment, though,”
Buck snorts, “I was going to ask if it is weird that she’s suggesting stuff for her altar, but your reaction lets me know that it’s not.”
“I mean… she’s healthy, strong, and stubborn as hell, so I’m sure she’s going to stay here for a looong time, but I guess we sometimes talk so casually about these things because Día de Muertos reminds us that dying is part of life and that people don’t leave us when they die. The memories, the love, and what they taught us… It remains.”
A picture of Shannon catches Eddie’s attention. She’s at the beach, and her smile is so full of love that Eddie doesn’t need to try to remember that day; he knows his ex-wife is smiling at Christopher in the photo.
“Oh, God… s’mores!” There's a plate with a couple of s’mores next to Shannon’s picture, and Eddie can’t stop smiling,
“Are those okay? Chris has mentioned a few times how much she loved them… but if there's any other food she liked, we can still get it, right?”
“These are perfect, Buck… wow,” Eddie can’t take his eyes off the altar. There’s a picture of his Abuelo, next to it a Bottle of tequila and a bag of chicharrones,
“We still need pictures of your grandparents. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you put them on the altar in the past, but I couldn’t find the pictures…”
“There’s one in Christopher’s room. He used it for a family tree a couple of years ago and then asked to keep it after. Eddie leaves Buck in the dining room for a minute, and then he returns holding a framed picture of his maternal grandparents. The woman looks almost identical to Helena.
The moment he places the picture over the altar, Eddie notices another picture he hadn’t seen before, a little blond boy riding a red bicycle, “Daniel,” he says with a soft voice.
“Is that okay?”
“You need to stop asking if any of this is okay… everything is perfect. And your brother deserves a place in here, I’m sure he’ll love it, and he’ll enjoy this… uh, cookie dough?”
“Maddie said he loved it. Mom wouldn’t let them have it, but Maddie would always find a way to make some and share it with him,”
“I’m sure he’ll love it,”
Buck smiles, “I’m glad you liked this.”
“I’m glad you broke into my house and did this.”
“I didn’t break in… I used my key,”
For the first time in months, Eddie can’t stop smiling.
Buck's plan works. The moment Eddie sees the altar, he wants to add more things and remembers how much he loves this festivity. He gets the box of decorations he saves for every year and makes the altar look majestic with everything he adds.
After they finish with the final touches to the altar, they go to the kitchen to enjoy the tamales Buck brought with him.
“Man, you really thought about everything,” says Eddie after finishing his second tamal verde,
“I just figured if you got mad at me for doing this, then I would buy your forgiveness with food.”
“Hey… I love this, okay? I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this, but I love what you did. Thanks, really,”
It’s been so long since Buck has seen Eddie being genuinely happy that he’s developing a fear of this being over. He’s trying to memorize every second of this; Eddie’s smile, the peaceful vibe around the house, the laughs, and the vulnerability at the same time… this is such a buckandeddie moment, the only part missing is a fourteen-year-old asking for more tamales and making fun of Buck for his inability to eat spicy food.
Still, this is progress… he can only hope it’s good enough that it makes even a little difference and helps Eddie in his healing process.
It’s dark outside, and Buck is comfortably sitting on Eddie’s couch, engrossed in his research about Billy Boils.
Eddie comes out of the kitchen carrying a steaming bowl of tomato soup and walking with extreme concentration to make sure he doesn’t accidentally spill any of it as he transports it. He carefully places the bowl on the altar, next to his grandmother’s picture. She would always cook this for Eddie when he visited her, and after she passed, Eddie’s mom would make it on special occasions.
“Okay, it’s officially done! Everyone on the altar has their favorite dish here, and I’ve lit all the candles… I loved that you used LED ones, by the way,” he looks at Buck and smiles at his friend’s focused face as he looks at his computer. Eddie is about to ask if he’s listening when Buck sits up straight and looks at him,
“So… what are we supposed to do now?” His eyes are full of curiosity.
“Nothing… The tradition says the souls of our loved ones won’t be here until after midnight, and I’m pretty sure we won’t notice them,” Eddie joins Buck in the living room and sits next to him,
“I guess I never thought about the activities around this, you know? Like, what do people do? I understand we can’t physically see them coming back, but like… what else do people do once the altar is set?”
Eddie chuckles. Buck’s eagerness to learn new things always reminds him of Christopher.
“Well, this is a celebration… I’m sure you’ve read about this, but in Mexico, some people go to church, many of them go to the cemeteries and decorate or visit the graves of their loved ones… some towns and cities have festivals. There are altars everywhere, and food! And the vibe isn’t sad, you know? We’re thinking about the people who are no longer here, but I guess the love and happiness that the memories bring are bigger than the sadness… I don’t know how to explain it. You know I don’t believe in a lot of shit, but there’s something about Day of the Dead… I don’t know if there’s something in the air, I don’t know if it’s just the general love that surrounds people… I can’t put it into words, Buck, but it’s just an amazing day,”
“Are you feeling that vibe today?” For Buck, it’s important that Eddie gets to live this day the way it is supposed to, and Eddie wants to tell him that he feels loved, but he doesn’t know how to put it into words without sounding weird, so instead… he changes the subject.
“So… how’s the research going? Are you still trying to make amends with Billy Boils?” Buck understands that this is his friend putting a little pause on the conversation. It doesn’t mean they won’t talk about it anymore, but knowing Eddie, he probably needs a minute after all the emotional moments of the day, so Buck doesn’t push him.
“I just sent an email to a local History professor I met on Reddit. He thinks he can help me verify Billy’s identity and even help me with my plan to finally put him to rest…”
“As in… like burying him?”
“Am I being crazy?” Buck covers his face with his hands and takes a deep breath,
“Is this going to give you the peace you need?”
“Of course it will, I might manage to break this stupid curse! I don’t want to have boils forever… I’m kinda getting tired of the way Tommy looks at me!”
Eddie looks at Buck. If he’s honest with himself, he had stopped noticing the stupid boils a while ago,
“Buck, I swear they’re getting smaller. And they will go away… I know I teased you about it, but this won’t be forever,”
“Maybe burying Billy will expedite the process,”
“Then, let’s hope you can bury the guy soon… who knows, maybe we can add his picture to the altar next year…”
________________________________
It’s almost midnight, Buck and Eddie are sharing a bottle of tequila, and the ofrenda looks amazing with the way the candles illuminate it. Eddie doesn’t know if he’s smiling because of the view, or because of the tequila he’s sharing with Buck… it doesn’t really matter.
“Tell me about your grandparents,” suggests Buck. Eddie gets up and walks toward the altar. Buck follows him,
“Abuelo died when I was around four. I barely remember him… but Abuela used to say I was his mini-me. His name was Edmundo too, everyone called him that, except Abuela, she called him Mundo, because it means world in Spanish… I have this clear memory of him, which is not a lot, but I’ve always cherished it.” He looks at Buck and lowers the volume of his voice a little; he feels like he’s sharing a secret, “A few months before he passed, he took me to the mercado, just the two of us. I had so many cousins that we would have to take turns during the weekends to go with him to run errands… that day, he bought me a little luchador figurine, and then he let me have a huge slice of flan, and he told me not to tell my cousins. I felt so happy, he wasn’t an expressive guy, I mean, I don’t remember him ever telling me that he loved me, but I knew he did…”
“Sounds like a sweet guy,” Buck could do this forever, just sit next to his best friend and learn more about his past. Learn about all the events in his life that turned him into the man he is.
“He wasn’t perfect, but he was a great guy… and he always tried to be there for his kids and grandkids,”
“I know why Abuela says you remind her of him, then.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything, and Buck doesn’t want the mood to turn into something weird, so he changes the subject. “What about your mom’s parents? Did you get to meet them?”
“Grandpa passed when I was just a baby, so I don’t remember him. He and Grandma moved to Dallas when my mom was pregnant with me. I’ve never asked why, but sometimes I think it was because they hated to see my parents together… and well, after he died, mom wanted grandma to return to El Paso, but she refused; she liked her life in Dallas. We would visit her a couple of times a year. I don’t think we had a lot in common… or maybe it’s because I was raised surrounded by my Mexican family, and they are so warm, you know? My grandma wasn’t cold, she just was… European, I guess,” he laughs and hopes Buck understands what he’s saying.
“I think I get it,” Buck chuckles. They go quiet for a minute, just staring at the pictures on the altar. Buck wants to picture a young version of his best friend surrounded by these people he never got to know. How did their presence impact Eddie’s life? Did they make him feel loved? Were they as difficult as Ramón and Helena?
He thinks about Christopher being with his grandparents and gathering all these experiences, he will one day share with others when Ramón and Helena are no longer alive. Will he and Eddie remember them the same way? “Do you think Chris is doing this, too? You know, talking about the people he loved and looking at their pictures?”
“I know he is. He loves this day… it was hard the first year after Shannon passed, but eventually, he stopped being sad and started seeing it as a day to celebrate her life… we usually talk about her and remember how amazing she was. I won’t lie, it’s still kinda weird, you know? And to be honest, I thought this year would be even weirder… I guess I was scared of disappointing her. Chris isn’t here, and what happened with Kim and Marisol… I…”
“Hey…” Buck grabs Eddie’s wrist, and that stops him from spiraling, “I’m sure she knows how much you loved her. There’s no way she’s disappointed. She knows you’re human, Eddie… she knows you’ll never stop trying,”
Eddie nods,
“Plus, we put s’mores on the altar for her. How can she be disappointed after that?”
Both of them snort, and the tension breaks.
It is a vulnerable moment, but Eddie feels safe. He would usually avoid this type of conversation, but he wasn’t lying when he told Buck there’s something special about this day that always makes people want to talk and reminisce… so he finally talks again, it is time for another conversation they wouldn’t usually have.
“Tell me about Daniel,”
Buck looks at the picture of his little brother —technically his big brother, actually — they look so alike, it’s crazy.
“Ever since I learned about him, I can’t stop wondering how it would’ve been if he were here… I know there’s no point spending the rest of my life asking ‘What if?’ But sometimes I can’t help it,” he touches the black fabric he used as a base for the altar. “Maddie says he was sweet and full of life. He liked playing soccer and riding his bike… They would watch cartoons together every Saturday morning, and he loved making people laugh,”
“I’m sorry you didn’t get to grow up with him,” Eddie gets closer to Buck and places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “and even if what your parents did was kinda fucked up… I’m glad you’re here.”
Their eyes lock and for a second — or an hour, who knows?— It’s like their problems aren’t there. It simply feels like everything is going to be okay.
“Thanks,” whispers Buck, “I hope he likes this.”
“He will,”
“You don’t believe in ghosts…”
“But you do… and this isn’t about ghosts, this is about remembering the people we loved,”
They stay there in silence, standing way too close to each other, and just like all of the other moments without conversation during the night, it doesn’t feel awkward or weird; it feels right.
“Have you ever spent one of these in Mexico? Must be amazing,”
“When I was a kid, Abuela took me and two of my cousins to visit her prima Susana in Michoacán. I think that was the day I started loving this day. C’mon, I’ll show you some pictures of how mesmerizing it is.”
They end up grabbing some cushions and blankets from the living room and sitting on the floor in the dining room, Buck’s computer resting on his legs as Eddie tells him more about the tradition and Buck creates a document with all the things he wants to learn more about.
“We should go sometime,” Eddie says out of nowhere. He’s invaded by that feeling of never wanting to let go of Buck again.
“Next year? We can take Christopher, he’ll love it!”
“Yeah… let’s do that.”
Buck smiles and hands Eddie a slice of pan de muerto,
"When I was little, I used to tell the kids in my class that pan de muerto is made of real dead people..." he confesses before taking a bite.
"Why on earth were you traumatizing kids like that?"
"That way, they would avoid eating it, and I would have all the bread for myself,"
Buck can't stop laughing, "You're an evil mastermind, Diaz."
"You know it."
________________________
They end up falling asleep there without even noticing it. Eddie is mildly aware of the situation, but he’s way too sleepy to move to his room, and he kind of likes the idea of sleeping like this… he’ll overanalyze this later; for now, he closes his eyes and enjoys the happiness.
And then he’s dreaming…
He knows he is because he’s in the living room, sharing the couch with Shannon, and he can hear Buck’s light snores coming from the dining room.
Shannon is eating a s’more, and she looks beautiful,
“Hi, Shan…”
“This is good, you really should keep Buck around. I know s’mores are super simple to make, but I think he added cinnamon or something to this because it’s the best one I’ve ever had,” she keeps eating with gusto.
“I’m sorry I almost didn’t put an altar this year, it’s just… It’s been complicated, you know?” He wonders if she knows everything that’s been happening in his life lately.
“I know, Eddie… but it won't be forever. Christopher will come back, he belongs here with you.” She places the empty plate on the coffee table,
“Sometimes I wonder if he still thinks he belongs here. Maybe he doesn’t see this as his home anymore,”
And it’s funny how he can be so open with Shannon here; he was never able to do that when she was alive. But this is a dream, it is like talking to himself, he’s just finally allowing himself to acknowledge how he feels, and if his brain is choosing to do it by recreating the image of his late ex-wife, then so be it.
“He does, Eddie… you’ve made sure of it, you’ve raised him with the love and support he needs. You gave him a family here and built something beautiful with him,”
“I fucked up,”
“So what? We all do. I left you guys and disappeared on you, then I died… and he doesn’t hate me, neither do you,” she places her hand on Eddie’s knee, and they make eye contact, “do you need me to forgive you? Because I do… now forgive yourself,”
“I’ll try…”
Buck’s loud snoring breaks the tension, and Shannon starts laughing,
“He’s something else, isn’t he?” She asks,
“Do you have a crush on him or something?” Eddie teases because that’s who they are. She was his best friend before being his wife.
“Oh, there’s totally someone with a crush on Buck in this room, but that’s not me,” she smirks,
Eddie blushes, and as he tries to find a smart comeback for Shannon's words, he looks at her and feels his walls coming down. There’s something about the way she looks at him that makes Eddie feel like everything will be alright,
“I’m not ready to talk about it…” he admits,
“There’s no rush,” she takes his hands in hers, “I just wanted you to know that I’m okay with it, okay? And that I’m not mad about what happened with Kim, although it was definitely weird,”
Eddie chuckles, “Not my proudest moment.”
“You’re going to be fine, Eddie. Just don’t give up on yourself, promise me,”
He knows the dream is about to end, so he smiles at her and nods, “I…”
He opens his eyes and looks at his watch; it's 3 in the morning. He directs his eyes to the altar and whispers, “I promise,” then he gets closer to Buck and goes back to sleep.
____________________________
November 2nd, 3:57 pm
As they’re putting away all the stuff they used for the altar, Eddie remembers something and grabs the plate with the s’mores,
“Hey, did you add something different to these?” He smells them,
“Yeah, there’s one with pumpkin spice. I tried the recipe the other day and I liked it… I don’t know why, but I figured Shannon might like it,” Buck smiles as he folds a black piece of fabric and places it inside a box.
And Eddie doesn’t say anything, he chooses to believe it’s all a coincidence for the moment… he’ll probably freak out about this later. Right now, he has plans with his best friend, and he’s ready to allow himself some happiness; he’s ready to talk about Christopher and dive into whatever he’s been hiding even from himself.