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October 30, 2024
“I feel like I say this every year,” Mulder said as he and Scully put together the little birthday gift bags for Faith’s class. “But I can’t believe that another year has already gone by. She’s going to be six, Scully.”
“I know,” she said with a smile, adding one of the beaded bracelets they had been making throughout the month. “Every year at this time, I remember how pregnant I was. The smell of fall triggers that sense of heaviness and the feel of her moving inside of me.”
“Hmm… that’s beautiful,” he said, smiling with a nod, adding a little container of modeling dough.
“It is,” she said, thinking about those last couple of days before Faith was born. “Still feels like it was yesterday, even though I know it wasn’t.” She ran her hand over her flat stomach and smiled. “It’s like a phantom sensation.”
“Like a ghost?” he asked, raising wide eyes to hers.
“No. Not a ghost,” she said with a laugh, throwing one of the little pompom monsters, that were all the rage with the kids in Faith’s class, at him. He caught it and added it to the bag in his hand.
“I think about it too,” he said. “Hoping she’d hold out until Halloween, but also realizing that seemed selfish on your behalf.”
“Just a bit,” she said, tying the bag she held with the same rainbow colored ribbon they had used for the goodie bags two years ago.
“And then she surprised us,” he said, smiling at her and she smiled back.
“She did indeed.”
“Did I tell you what she asked me today?”
“I don’t think so,” Scully said, taking a sip of wine before picking up another little plastic bag.
“She asked me what happened to five once she turned six,” he said. She looked at him and he nodded. “When we were walking in the garden watering the plants, she said she’s excited to be six, but wanted to know what happened to five once she turned six.”
“And what did you tell her?” Scully asked, breathing deeply as she waited for his answer.
“Well, I told her that that was a great question, first and foremost.”
“It really is,” Scully whispered with a nod.
“Then I told her that no one really knows, but I had a theory.” He grinned at Scully and she let out a breathy laugh.
“Go on… let’s hear it.”
“My theory is that the year you live between birthdays, there is like a gigantic invisible jar that starts to fill up as soon as you blow out the candles on the cake.”
“Okay,” Scully said, nodding slowly.
“You don’t see it, as I said, but everything you accomplish, attempt, or enjoy throughout the year, the memories and experiences, get placed in that jar. Holidays, birthdays, school days, days at home, time spent at Skinner and Rachel’s or Violet and Denis’s house, days spent drawing and playing, laughing, or even upset about something, there are so many moments and memories of the year of the new number you are, it fills up your jar.” He smiled at Scully and she smiled back as she imagined the invisible jar of memories.
“So then what happens to it when the next birthday comes?” she asked.
“Well, for that, I asked her if she remembered her third birthday, when we went to the park, and she said she did. I asked her what she remembered most and she thought for a few seconds and then she smiled and said she remembered her witch costume and putting gems on Skinner’s head. Oh, and the ducks of course.”
Scully laughed as she too remembered Skinner with the gems on his head. He had kept them on, driving away and waving as Faith waved back, giggling hysterically.
“I asked her what she remembered from her fourth and then fifth birthday and she gave me a few memories. Then I asked her if she remembered a few things we’d done within those years and she nodded, laughing about some of them and then adding her own memories.”
Scully smiled, understanding where he was going with his theory, but stayed silent and waited to hear what he had to say.
“So at that point, I brought it back to the invisible jar theory. I said that she remembers those things because a new jar had started when she blew out her candles. The memories, how she felt, what she experienced, it’s all in the jar for that year.” He sighed and then hummed. “She looked around the garden, out past the gate, and then up at me. “So, all my memories of making this garden, planting the seeds, painting the boxes… it’s all in my five jar?” is what she asked me and I nodded. “And the days at school, playing with the twins, everything I remember for this year, is in that jar?” I nodded again and she took a deep breath as she looked around again. “Then where does it go when I get older?” I asked her where she thought it went, considering she had those memories from years ago and could recall them quite easily.”
“What did she say?” Scully asked softly and he smiled.
“She thought about it and then she smiled at me. “I think that maybe it’s like a bookshelf. But not for books. Like the shelf in Mommy’s office that has stuff up high to keep it safe. I think the jars go on a high shelf and they stay there to be safe. But if I think about them, I can take them down and remember what I remember. And then I can put them back to keep the memories safe inside of them.” And honestly… I can’t think of anything more beautiful.” He smiled at Scully and she smiled back with tears in her eyes.
“It is beautiful. And you created that image in her head. Mulder, you…” She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You create so much beauty in her life. You fill her head with so many amazing ideas and possibilities. That’s something she will always think about now. Anytime something happens, a memory we talk about or something she thinks of on her own, she’s going to imagine that thought being placed in a jar to be kept safe on a shelf. She’s going to have shelves of jars throughout her life, looking back on them like glittering fireflies, just waiting to be observed.” She shook her head as she reached for a napkin and dabbed her eyes. “You give her life such imagination and beauty. You let her think and answer on her own, wanting that imagination to grow and develop. And I… I love you so much for it.”
“Scully,” he said softly, leaning forward and putting his hands on thighs. She sniffled and leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, sniffling again. “Thank you for the happiness and inquisitive spirit you allow her to express and grow within.”
“Thank you for the gift of being her father,” he whispered and she laughed softly.
“Well, I couldn't have done it without you,” she said and he laughed just as softly.
“Partners to the very end,” he whispered and she laughed again, wrapping her arms around his neck, and allowing him to pull her into his lap, both of them quiet as he held her close.
__________________
“Hey.”
Scully opened her eyes, finding the room dark. She moaned and closed her eyes again, burrowing even further into her pillow.
“Scully.”
“Mulder,” she groaned as he moved closer and put his arm around her. “It’s still dark out.” He chuckled and she groaned again.
“I know it is.”
“If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you’re on your own at this early hour.”
“No,” he said, chuckling again, his arm tightening around her. “Not that.”
“The lower half of your body would disagree with your words,” she grumbled and he laughed quietly through his teeth.
“Sorry. Not exactly something I can help,” he replied, moving said lower half back a little as she hummed.
“Why are you up so early? It’s not even light out,” she said, yawning and then letting out a deep breath.
“We have some decorating to do before she wakes up,” he whispered and her eyes opened, a smile slowly stretching across her face.
“Yes. We do.”
She pushed the blankets back and he laughed softly as she sat up. She looked at him and smiled with a nod. He nodded back as he also sat up and they laughed quietly as they walked to the bathroom.
A few minutes later, they were downstairs blowing up balloons and adding them to a canvas laundry basket. She laughed as he made a funny face, pretending to blow up a balloon and failing.
When they were done, he grabbed the tape and rolls of crepe paper in pink, purple and black, sliding them into the pocket of his hoodie.
“Come on,” he said, picking up the laundry basket. “Let’s go.” She followed him up the stairs, stopping occasionally as both of them were suddenly overcome with quiet laughter.
When they had reached Faith’s door, they began to tape the crepe paper to it, twisting it first, with the three colors they knew Faith would love.
“Who knew doing this the one time for you would lead to us doing it every time for each of our birthdays?” he asked softly, taping one side to the door as Scully twisted them and taped them to the other side.
“You had to know. On some level,” she said with a smile, adding balloons to the small net they had created with the crepe paper.
“I suppose I did,” he agreed.
“She was so excited to put yours up, picking your balloons and paper so carefully. I think she really loves that you share a birthday month.”
“I love it too. And I loved my balloons.”
They smiled at each other and continued working on the door. When the whole thing was covered, the balloons held in the crepe paper net waiting to fall when Faith opened the door, they put away the laundry basket and went back downstairs.
The dining room table was covered in a plastic birthday/halloween tablecloth, the colors the same as the crepe paper upstairs. Her special plate, the one with confetti and happy birthday written on it, a little more faded than her first birthday, was set down in her spot. Her pink plastic cup with bats and spiders was added and the silverware with happy smiling ghosts were placed beside the plate.
“I’m glad that she embraces the mix of the holiday with her birthday. I know she might not as she gets older, the day losing some of its appeal, but for now…” Scully said, smiling as stroked the pictures of the ghosts on the silverware.
“Hmm, yeah,” Mulder said, coming into the room with a vase full of Gerbera daisies and setting them on the table.
“Mulder…” she said, staring at the brightly colored flowers. “Where did those come from?”
“I bought them yesterday and put them in the fridge in the basement.”
“They’re beautiful,” she said, touching an orange flower gently.
“Aren’t they? We saw some at the store about a week ago and she told me how beautiful they were, making sure to add that they don’t smell so good.”
“She’s right about that,” Scully said with a chuckle. “It’s like vanilla extract. It smells delicious, but the taste of it on its own…” She shuddered and he nodded with a smile. “She’s going to love these.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking at Scully and sighing.
“What?”
“It just occurred to me that one day someone else will be the one buying her flowers.”
“Mulder,” she said softly, walking over to him and putting her arms loosely around his neck. “That’s true. But not today. And not for a long time.”
“Yeah,” he said, placing his hands on her hips. “Sorry to bring the happiness down.”
“You didn’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I understand. It’s easy to slip away for a moment, thinking of the future… or the past.”
She looked at him, raising an eyebrow, knowing how often she had been the one slipping away, thinking of what could have been. He sighed with a nod and pulled her closer, swaying them slightly.
They were quiet for a few seconds until Bella shook her head, her tags jingling as she stood up and stretched. Walking over to them, her tail wagging, she nudged against them.
“Morning Bells,” Mulder murmured and her tail began to wag faster. Scully smiled as she pulled back and glanced down at Bella, her whole body now wiggling. Looking back up at Mulder, he smiled at her. “I think we can both conclude that she knows Faith will be waking up soon.”
“I was just about to say the same thing,” Scully said, her eyes widening.
“Seriously?” he asked, searching her face.
“No,” she said, scoffing as she patted his chest and stepped back, shaking her head as she smiled.
“You raise my hopes and then dash them immediately,” he said, dropping his head and sighing.
“Gotta keep you on your toes,” she said, stepping closer and touching his chin. He looked up and she lifted up on tiptoes to give him a quick kiss. “It is getting late though, so let Bella out and come back before Faith does wake up.”
“Yes ma’am,” he said, stealing another kiss and then patting his leg. “Come on, Bells, let’s go.” Bella licked his hand and then ran to the door, shaking again and causing her tags to jingle louder.
They went out and Scully went to the office to retrieve Faith’s gifts and place them on the table. She smiled at the flowers, touching them again, and then glanced at the clock. Nearly seven, Faith would be waking up soon.
Nodding as she looked at the decorations, she turned on the coffee pot, ready for a cup when they came back down for breakfast.
Mulder walked back inside, without Bella, and Scully frowned at him.
“The balloons,” he said, by way of explanation.
“Right,” she said, remembering how they always seemed to make Bella anxious.
“Thought it would be best to keep her out.”
“Smart,” she agreed.
He nodded to the stairs and she walked over to meet him at the bottom of them.
“Thank you,” he said softly and she frowned again.
“For what?”
“Keeping me here, in the present.”
“It was my turn to return the favor.”
“Partners to the very end,” he repeated from the night before.
“Always,” she said, as they both heard a creak from the floorboards above them.
Wide eyed, they raced up the stairs, trying to be quiet, but knowing they did not succeed. Breathing deeply, they stood at the top of the stairs and waited as they heard Faith moving around in her room.
“Meow!” called Grey, from inside Faith’s room.
“I know, Grey. Just a second. Let me get my slippers.”
“I didn't know Grey was in there,” Scully whispered. “She’s gonna get scared.”
“It’s too late now,” Mulder whispered back as the doorknob began to turn.
The door pulled back and the brightly colored balloons began to cascade into the room as Faith gasped.
“Happy birthday!” Mulder and Scully called out, though not as loudly as they would have, knowing Grey was on the other side of the avalanche of balloons.
“Oh my goodness,” Faith said and Mulder grinned at Scully.
“God, I love her,” he said, stepping closer to the door. “Hey, Squatchy. Grey okay?”
“She jumped onto my bed. She got a little scared, but I think she’s okay.” Faith grinned at them, in her new black pajamas with white skeleton bones, a pink heart and a belly full of candy, her hair a bed headed mess.
“Happy birthday, my love,” he said, bending down and leaning through the crepe paper. She leaned in too and he kissed her on the forehead.
“Happy birthday, honey,” Scully said, smiling as she also stepped closer.
“Thank you, Mommy,” Faith said, reaching her arms through the crepe paper and waiting for a hug. Scully laughed as she bent down and hugged her with the paper tickling her face.
“I love the balloons. I was dreaming about them,” Faith said and Scully smiled as she closed her eyes briefly.
“I’m happy you like them. You ready to come out, birthday girl?” Scully asked as she pulled back.
“Yes. But can we do it carefully so I can have the paper still hanging down?”
“We can do that,” Mulder said, ripping the paper gently and leaving enough space for Faith to walk out.
“Is Bella downstairs?” Faith asked, looking back at the balloons. “I don’t want her to be scared.”
“No, hon,” Mulder said, scooping her up and squeezing her as she shrieked happily. “She’s outside. I left her there so she wouldn’t get scared.”
“We had the same thought,” Faith said, smiling at him. “Did you read my mind?”
“Oh no,” Scully breathed and Mulder laughed.
“Maybe I did, Squatchy. Maybe I did,” he said and Faith grinned.
“Mulder,” Scully said softly and he shook his head.
“Birthday month twins have special powers,” he explained and Faith nodded.
“It’s true, Mommy. The other day, Daddy knew I wanted to get ice cream after school. He didn’t even have to ask me.”
Scully caught Mulder’s eye and he winked at her.
“That’s right. It’s because it’s our birthday month. Our strength grows in October.”
“Like a pumpkin,” Faith said, smiling at Mulder and then Scully.
“I’ll allow it, but only in October,” Scully said.
“I knew you were gonna say that,” Mulder said.
“Me too,” Faith chimed in with a nod and they all laughed. Scully rubbed Faith’s back and kissed her cheek.
“How about we go downstairs and have breakfast and open presents before it’s time for school?”
“Yes!” Faith called out, raising her arms up in the air. They all laughed again and then Mulder set her down. Grey came zooming past them out of Faith’s room and ran down the stairs ahead of them. “Whoa. She was really fast.”
When Faith saw the flowers on the table, she looked at Mulder and smiled, hugging him around the waist.
“Thank you, Daddy. Those are my favorite flowers.”
“Hmm,” he hummed, smiling at Scully as he rubbed Faith’s back and then ran his hand over her head. “Must have been our birthday month power again.”
“Maybe it was, Daddy. Maybe it was,” she said, repeating his words and causing them all to laugh.
“What do you want first? Breakfast or presents?”
“Presents!” she said, letting go of him and running to the table. Getting up in her chair, she smiled at them and waited for the gifts to be given to her.
She exclaimed over all of them: two new dresses she had been talking about after seeing them at the store. Pairs of fuzzy socks with ghosts, pumpkins, and witches. New coloring pencils, markers, and a pack of printing paper just for her. A book series they had been reading together. And last, a big bag of candy from a shop near their house.
“I love all of these presents!” she said, getting out of her seat and putting one of the dresses on over her pajamas. “Oh, it’s so pretty.” She spun around, the dress flaring out around her. Smiling at them as she stopped, she let out a deep breath. “Thank you for my presents.”
“You’re welcome, love,” they both said and she spun around again.
“You ready for your birthday breakfast?” Mulder asked, catching her as she stumbled slightly.
“Is it doughnuts?”
“What?! How did you know?!” Mulder asked, looking at her in mock surprise. “Did you read my mind again?!”
“No, Daddy,” she said with a giggle. “I see the pink box on the counter.” She pointed and he looked over. “See? It’s right there.”
“I do see it now. I was gonna say if you had read my mind again, that it would be pretty-”
“Spooky?” Scully asked, smiling at him.
“Without question,” he said, walking to the counter and opening the box. “I’m assuming you want the pink one with sprinkles?” He smiled at Faith and she nodded, getting back onto her chair.
He brought the box to the table and took the pink one out for her and set it on her plate.
“Mmm, it looks so yummy,” she said, licking her lips and reaching for the doughnut.
“Wait, love,” Scully said, placing her hand on top of Faith’s head, and stroking her hair gently. “We need to add the candles.”
“Oh… right,” Faith said, rising up on her knees, and nodding. Scully bent and kissed the top of her head as she watched Mulder take the box of candles from the counter, along with a lighter.
“Alright. Today is the birthday of Faith Katherine Mulder,” he said, opening the box and removing a candle, placing it into the doughnut. “Yesterday she was five, but now she’s six. A year has passed in which she has grown and learned and experienced so many different things.” He added three more candles, smiling at Faith. “So, today we celebrate her by lighting candles, singing, and then waiting as she blows them out to make her wish.”
The last two candles were added to the doughnut and Faith watched as he lit them.
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you,” Scully and Mulder sang to her when the last candle had been lit. “Happy birthday dear Faithy, happy birthday to you.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Opening her eyes, she blew the candles out gently, leaving a faint cloud of smoke in their wake, as Scully and Mulder clapped.
“Did you make a wish?” Scully asked, taking the candles from the doughnut and laying them onto a plate.
“Yes,” Faith said softly with a nod.
“Good. You go ahead and eat that and I’ll get you some milk.”
“Thank you, Mommy,” Faith said, picking up the doughnut.
Smiling, Scully picked up Faith’s pink cup and walked toward the refrigerator to get the milk, when Mulder stopped her with a hand on her upper arm. She looked at him, finding his eyes on Faith.
“What?”
“Look,” he whispered, inclining his head to Faith.
Turning around, she saw that Faith had set the doughnut back down on her plate. She had her eyes closed and she was pinching at the air beside her head and then dipping her hand down.
“What is she-”
“The memory jar,” he whispered. “A new year has started.”
“Oh,” Scully breathed in acknowledgment, watching her collect her new memories and add them to the jar.
Two more pinches, and Faith nodded with a smile. Opening her eyes, she picked up the doughnut and took a big bite, completely unaware that they were staring at her.
Mulder looked at Scully and smiled softly, shaking his head in near disbelief.
“See? You create beauty, Mulder. Tangible…” She gestured to the flowers on the table and then at Faith. “… as well as those that can only be felt by the heart.”
“I know I’ll be adding this moment to my jar,” he said, bending close and giving her a kiss.
“Me too,” she said, imagining her own jar bursting into life as the beautiful moment was placed within it. “Me too.”