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Dick had to admit he was a little surprised at the number of voicemails he had when he got back from Spyral. Considering everyone else had thought he was dead, he hadn't expected any voicemails at all but there were a few. Some just spams, others from people who probably hadn't known he was dead. The one that interested him most though, were the ones from Jason… ones plural…
"Hey, Dickface. Um, you know what fuck this, I don't even know why- "
"I just wanted to hear your voice but that was a stupid, stupid idea," Jason whispered, then immediately cut the call.
"How the fuck did you do all of this, Dick? I'm trying, so hard, but I'm not you, I can't be you, I never could."
"Fuck it, I'm doing this. Um, I… haha I don't know how to do this," he paused before his voice could crack, taking a deep breath and swallowing. "I'm just gonna pretend you're there so this is less awkward. Um, but I guess I should just start with uh, I got hit with fear toxin today. Saw you. Don't know if I'm actually grateful to Crane for that or not because you said some fucking mean things ha. Batman had to come get me. That was an awkward ride in the Batmobile you can imagine. He never knows what to do with me when I get hit with that stuff. I don't think he knows what to do with any of us when we're fear gassed, that was always your department. He delivers the antidote and gets us home, Alfie takes care of the medical and then you take care of the mental. We wake up from the nightmares and you're there. Fucking missed you when I woke up. Tim tried, god, Dick they're both lost without you. I'm doing my best but I'm fucking lost without you. We all are. Shit, I can't do this, I don't need - "
The next voicemail was ten minutes after.
"You know, I decided to do this in the first place because after I woke up and you weren't there and the last memory I had of you was a fear-gas-twisted version I… I don't know, I just missed you and then I remembered those voicemails you left me when I was… dead. I kept those. Stupid I know, and if you ever come back and say anything I will deny it. Actually, if you come back, I'm deleting all of these so I won't have to worry about it anyway but point is, I figured if you did it for me, I could do it for you. And if I came back… I don't even fucking know, I guess a small part of me kind of hoped it meant there was a chance you could come back too."
Nothing for a few months, until one last one.
"I've been talking to my therapist. Yes, I have one and I have for a while, but you know, I realised why bankrupt myself when you did the same thing as she does but for free because you're nosy like that until, well, you're gone so I'm back to using up my money. If nothing else, please come back so I don't go broke. But um, anyway that's not why I called. I uh, I told my therapist that I called you and left a voicemail. Don't know why I told her but I did. She said she was proud of me. And Dick? I think you'd be proud of me too. I hope you would be, at least. I think I'm doing a good job being the big brother. Not as good as you, never as good as you, but Tim actually talks to me and Damian even smiled when I said something once! I don't think I'll ever replace you, but I don't think I have to. I told my therapist that and she smiled. Bruce and I… is complicated. Always was and always will be but I'm at the manor pretty often. Alfred teaches me new recipes like, every week. Life's not great, but it's pretty okay. Even if you're not proud of me for that, I uh, I think I'm proud of me. And that was what you always talked about right? What you always wanted for me. So uh, wherever you are, I hope you know that."
Dick didn't know how long he sat staring at his phone after that. His missed calls list showed a lot more given up attempts from Jason. A few were right after he died. The rest were mostly spread out over the time he was away. One was just silence.
He knows how Jason must have felt when he was resurrected and found Dick's voicemails. He wasn't ever entirely sure that his younger brother had found them in the first place, but these voicemails were proof that not only had Jason found them, but he'd kept them. Listened to them when Dick wasn't there.
Dick didn't know what to name the emotion - emotions - he was feeling.
Luckily, he didn't have to.
The phone ringing in his hand startled him so badly, it took him a few seconds to process who it was and what to do. He picked up the phone.
"Jason?"
"Sup Dickface. I need a f- "
"Where are you right now?"
"… why?" Jason asked, skeptical.
"I just - please, Jay."
"Okay… I'm at home. What's wrong?"
Dick got up, grabbing his jacket and keys. He smiled. "That's my line."
He heard a scoff over the line. "You wish you were cool enough to say that. But you better not be planning a prank on me. No one's… in trouble, right?"
"No, everything's great."
"I'm getting scared now, nothing's 'great' for us," Jason said dryly, but there was an undercurrent of tension in his voice.
"Jay," Dick emphasised. "Everything's fine. I'm just coming over is all."
"But why?"
"Ah, what are you doing here? Does Bruce know you're out? Please don't tell me you snuck out, I don't want to deal with that," Dick had frowned.
"It's fine, I told Alfred I was going out."
"How did you even get here? I live like half an hour away by car!"
"If you don't want me here, you can just say so," Jason had raised an eyebrow. If Dick hadn't been so stressed in the moment, he would have laughed.
"Fine, you can stay, but why are you even here? Do you need something?"
"Psh, no. Isn't this what brothers do? Spontaneously show up at each other's places? I mean, what's the point of having a cool older brother with his own apartment otherwise?"
"Because that's what brothers do," Dick rolled his eyes, smiling even though Jason couldn't see it. He started his car. "They spontaneously show up at each other's places."
The drive went by quick and soon enough, Dick was standing at the door of Jason's apartment. Jason opened the door and Dick wasted no time in pulling his younger brother into a tight hug.
"You drove half an hour just to hug me?"
"You travelled half an hour just to call me a 'cool older brother'? You didn't have to do that, I already knew that," Dick winked, making young Jason cringe.
"You're right, this was a waste of my time," Jason had frowned, only for Dick to grab his wrist to stop him from leaving, laughing.
"Wait, no, stay. We can watch a movie and order pizza or something."
"Yes," Dick grinned. "But you know, since I'm here…"
Jason narrowed his eyes. "No. I'm still mad at you."
Dick studied his younger brother's face. He knew what he'd done had hurt Jason, hurt all of them. He still stands by his decision to do it, because the alternative was worse. But he also knew that Jason's default was to be defensive. He knew his brother, and he knew that Jason would rather be angry than advocate for what he really wanted. Jason had been doing it ever since his Robin days. Something inside his little brother didn't let him say yes for the things he really wanted. Whenever Jason had wanted to hang out with Dick when they were younger, and Dick asked, Jason's first instinct was to act nonchalant and uninterested when Dick could easily tell all the kid wanted was to go get ice cream with his older brother.
If this was true anger in Jason right now, then Dick would leave. But if there was a chance it wasn't…
Dick smiled as he found what he was looking for. "Come on, I'll pay for the pizza. Thin crust with extra cheese and jalepenos…"
Jason pretended to be mad for two more seconds, before letting out a long-suffering dramatic sigh. "I hate you," he groaned, opening the door wider.
"Olives too, got it," Dick winked as he entered the apartment.
Jason breathed out a laugh behind him. "You're insufferable."
"I love you too, Little Wing." Dick paused, turning back to look at his brother. "And, Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm always proud of you."