Work Text:
DIRECT MESSAGES
Zam:
do you remember the old playground we used to play at when we were kids
they only left the swingset
its kinda broken tho
(02:07)
Red:
its 2am
are you okay
where are u
(02:09)
Zam:
can we talk
at the swings
(02:14)
Red:
omw
(02:14)
Reddoons kicked the covers off himself, struggling to slam the lights on quietly. His muscles protested when he got up, sour from an action-packed day, but he didn’t let himself take it easy. He ignored the way his shoulders begged him to stay down in bed where it was comfortable, and reached for the shirt and jacket he’d carelessly thrown onto his desk chair to pull on.
Whatever was going on with Zam was so much more important than the aches from sporting. A million doom scenarios already ran through his mind, the worst of the worst ideas trying to convince him something awful had happened.
Why on earth was she at the old swings? Dread tightened his stomach into knots, and he swallowed down the actual fear as he pulled on his clothes and threw on his shoes, tying them haphazardly with little care. He only bothered to grab his phone and wallet from where they sat on his nightstand, then sprinted out of his room and down the stairs, taking his keys as he ran past the wall they hung on. His parents were going to kill him, but it was a problem for later. He’d worry about that when he made sure Zam was alright.
The door slammed shut behind him but he wasted no time flinching at the harsh noise. Rushing through the front yard and onto the street, the only sound he could hear was the thumping on his footsteps over concrete, the rushing of the wind, and his own heartbeat threatening to break through his ribs. The town was quiet.
Zam didn’t live too far away from him, and the old playground was only a short walk away from her place. Still, every second he wasn’t there felt like it tightened a noose around his neck. What would he do if she didn’t end up being okay?
He didn’t have to wonder for long, before he ran past the shitty apartment building she lived in now — because as much as she’d wanted out of her parents’ place, she’d never dared to leave her hometown, and Red had always quietly been grateful. He rounded the corner and skipped the sidewalk in favour of jumping the fence straight into what used to be a nice park and was now a glorified patch of grass with the occasional tree. Most of the playground had been ripped out because of the rot in the wood, and only the swingset now remained. Even the soccer goals in the far corner were gone now. The bulbs in the streetlights had been replaced with brighter, unfriendlier ones. Maybe Zam had stuck around for the memories, even if they were slowly being dismantled by the government.
He slowed to a stop once he neared the swings. Zam was right there, sitting on one of the swings, one leg pulled up onto the seat as she rocked herself back and forth with the tip of her shoe. The streetlight didn’t do her justice, but even now, she looked beautiful in such a strange way, with the darkness of the unlit parts of the park behind her. Ominous. It was ominous. But not in a bad way. His nerves didn’t disappear, but at least they eased a little at the sight of her.
She was staring at him, waiting for him to come closer, her lips pressed together as she watched him walk over. He looked away, easily finding the other two swings. One of them was only connected to the set with one chain, the other seemed fine enough — he didn’t doubt the wood was rotten here too.
When he finally sat down, he could only watch her. Something clogged his throat. Why did the cloud-covered sky and darkness behind the stars feel so heavy yet so light? This was everything they’d done a million times over and yet felt like something new entirely.
“Hey,” he said, and the excuse of it being stupid early in the morning sat on his tongue as his voice cracked. But she wasn’t hurt, so his shoulders eased slowly.
“Hey.” A slight smile pulled at her lips as she looked at him. Her eyes flicked over his face, as if she was looking for something. “You’ve gotten faster at running over.”
“I was worried.” Grabbing onto the chains, he cursed the way these swings were way too small for both of them. He couldn’t bend his legs underneath his seat without dragging his shoes over muddy grass, so he had to settle for shimmying the swing sideways back and forth and pushing his hands into his pockets. “What’s going on?”
She shrugged at that, finally turning her head away from him. “Just wanted to see you again.”
Red frowned. Her every move betrayed something else, a shine in her eyes he couldn’t quite place, but he wasn’t sure about prodding. “You said you wanted to talk, it scared the shit out of me.” He huffed, and a smile of his own broke through to show he wasn’t mad.
Zam laughed, something soft and apologetic, and she let her head hang. The sound echoed in his ears, settled in his memory to stay there forever like many of her other laughs he’d never dare to forget. “Sorry, I- I don’t know why I sent it like that.”
A silence fell between them, but not an awkward one. They’d known each other for too long for anything to ever be awkward, they’d seen the best and the worst of each other for that to ever happen. They just sat. Wind howled a soft melody through the park. Red couldn’t tear himself away from her. This scene was both familiar and foreign. It’d been a while since they sat at the park together, swinging on swings that’d become their number one meeting spot when they were children. High school had changed little, college a bit more. Still, they’d find each other there, when they needed each other.
“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” he broke the quiet. Because there was something, but if Zam had lost the courage to talk about it, they didn’t have to.
But she sighed and glared at her shoes. When Red followed her gaze, he found her converse discoloured from mud and grass. “I do want to talk about it, it’s just-”
When she looked back up, her bottom lip was between her teeth. An apology sat on her face, but exactly the one she already knew Red wouldn’t accept. He swallowed quietly, studying her, letting her take her time to form the right words. She looked conflicted, warring between one option or another, something a mystery to him. Like this, in the shitty light that didn’t reach them well enough, she looked so tired and anxious.
“You’re always there for me, Red.” And she said it like it was a thing to be sorry about. But he couldn’t open his mouth fast enough to ask her why that was so wrong. “There’s always something, isn’t there? You’ve always been my best friend but there’s always something. You were there when I transitioned, you were there to help me through my depression, you beat up those transphobic assholes that bullied me, you were there for both of those breakups. You have just always been there for me and I feel like such a burden.”
His mouth formed an o-shape. He stared, the lump in his throat back to clog up his airways. A burden? A burden? Standing up, he stepped over the seat so he could sit back down in a way that faced her, even if the chain was a little in the way. When he reached out to grab at the chain of Zam’s swing, he pulled her closer to him.
“You’re never a burden, Zam. You know I’d do anything for you, because you’re my best friend.”
Slowly, Zam copied him and sat across from him just like he did. Her hands grabbed onto the chain, fingers brushing his skin. Her hands were cold and he couldn’t help but slide his over hers to warm them up a little. It could at least bring the smile back to her face.
Still, she worried at her lip with her teeth and looked so apologetic, Red felt his chest tighten with emotions he couldn’t quite name at this hour. She swallowed, licked her lips, took a deep breath — anything to give her more time to figure out what to say. Then, finally, she sighed again.
“I’m in love with you, I think.”
Red’s encouraging expression melted away, to be replaced with shock. Even if he knew what to reply, his tongue would refuse to move. Zam was in love with him? Out of all things she could’ve told him, this felt like it came out of nowhere.
“That’s why I feel like such a burden, Red. I know we’re not that, I don’t want to ask you if you want to be in a relationship because we’re best friends and I can’t- I can’t ruin that. I just had to tell you. I’m sorry.”
He was shaking his head before he knew it. His mouth opened up without his consent, and words he’d never even thought before escaped him. “I love you too.”
But even if it shocked himself to say it, he’d never be able to deny it. He’d never thought of her in this light, something different than friends, and yet the idea wasn’t weird to him at all. Maybe the way they looked at each other with such fondness, maybe the way they were the most comfortable around each other, maybe the way they would always find their way to each other, maybe it had all been signs he’d been too stupid to see. Or they were just perfect for each other in any way, and they’d do whatever worked for them. Whatever, Red didn’t entirely care. Why would he, when all he had to focus on was the way Zam’s eyes lit up and her lips parted and her cheeks turned a brighter pink.
“I love you, Zam. You’re never a burden, and especially not for this.” He rubbed a thumb over her hand, and she shivered slightly.
When she could pull herself from her shock, she shook her head and grinned. “That’s really fucking sappy, you know?” She used her shoes to push their swings closer together, and it knocked their knees against each other. The touch sent a flood of warmth up into his body and drowned him in fondness some more.
“You started it,” he shot back, an equally big grin on his own lips. “Falling in love with your best friend and confessing at our favourite spot? What is this, a movie?”
“Oh shut up, Reddoons.” She rolled her eyes. “If it wasn’t me, you would confess to me in the rain or something even more cringe.”
He laughed. Could he deny that one? Maybe he would. It was fine. They could be cringe together, because God knew they both were. Especially now, with the way he tried to open his mouth to ask her if this meant she wanted to be his girlfriend and failed to. It was a good thing she beat him to it.
“I don’t really know how to do relationships, if the last two failed attempts are anything to go off of,” she confessed with a laugh. “But I didn’t really care for those guys anyways. I- I’d love to try something more serious, if you want?”
“Yes, I do.” He didn’t have to try hard to imagine what they’d be like. And — admitting it with a slight blush — he easily pictured them holding hands and going on dates already. “That sounds amazing.”
Her smile rivalled the sun. God, she was perfect. He let his hand slide down to her forearm, feeling the goosebumps on her skin. He squeezed softly, revelling in the way she giggled.
But she also shivered, and suddenly he was acutely aware of how bare her arms were. She only wore a t-shirt, no wonder she was shivering. At the realisation, Red hurried to let go of the swing to pull his jacket off. She didn’t protest when he handed it over, and sighed in relief as she pulled it on. She’d worn it before, many times actually, and yet now it looked so much more perfect on her, like it belonged around her shoulders.
“Wow, you’re a real gentleman,” she joked, but buttoned it closed with an actually grateful look. When she was done, they both reached out to pull their swings together again by the chains.
As Red stared at Zam now, a weight had fallen off her shoulders. Something that had been there for a couple weeks, if he looked back. Now a happy shine glossed her eyes, glinted off her eyelashes. She swallowed, and he watched her eyebrows twitch with the slightest frown as words formed on her tongue.
“Do you want to kiss?”
His cheeks lit up at the question, eyes wide. His “yeah-” left him breathlessly — he probably also would’ve said yes if she’d ever asked him before this day too, but that was for him to unpack some other time. For now, he leaned forward, past the swing’s chains, and met Zam halfway.
He’d kissed people before, of course he had, as dares, in other relationships, as a joke. But none of them had felt so right as it did when he met Zam’s lips. None of them could even come close to this when comparing. His heart leapt into his throat, pounding so hard against his chest he almost feared it escaping. It was short, over in a couple seconds, and they pulled apart to breathe each other in, warmth on their cold faces with each exhale.
Zam’s fingers ghosted over his face when she raised her hand, then finally settled on his jaw to pull him closer and kiss him again. Their legs curled around each other, Red reaching over to hold Zam’s seat just so it wouldn’t slip from their grip and force them apart. It was awkward, a little stupid, but who cared when her lips moved so gently against his own in a way that made his head spin and his cheeks burn.
She tasted like … sour candy. Red didn’t think he’d ever be able to eat sour candy again without thinking of her.
He chased after her when she pulled away from him. Luckily, she didn’t stray far, and their noses brushed, making the both of them laugh breathlessly. She looked at him, a softness in her features holding Red hostage.
“Red-” she started, pausing to sigh. “I’m still really fucking cold, can we go inside?”
It made him snort, his lips split apart into a grin. A stupid comment about it being nearly three in the morning, of course it would be cold, sat on his tongue, but he swallowed it down. “Yeah, we should,” he said instead.
Zam leaned forward to give him another quick kiss before she got up, releasing the chains at the same time as Red and letting him swing back a little. A soft little laugh escaped her, tinged with tiredness, as if she finally realised the time and how tired she was. Still, she held out a hand to pull him up. When he did, she entangled their fingers to hold onto him.
“Do you want to stay the night?”
She looked so gorgeous like this. A genuine hope and love sparkling in her eyes was such a good look on her. Man. How’d he never realise how in love with her he was?
“As long as I don’t have to sleep on the couch,” he replied, the easy grin not slipping.
She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You know you don’t have to take the couch, and you never have to take the couch again as long as you don’t spill takeout all over my bed again. That was your own fault.”
“I would never do something like that.”
Before she could argue with him — which would be justified, he could still remember her scream and the way they had to use the uncomfortably small couch in her parents’ living room instead very clearly — he tugged her away from the swings. Crickets were chirping, apparently, he hadn’t noticed before, and he squished her hand gently at the cosy feeling they summoned in his chest.
They didn’t say much during their walk to the apartment building. While they usually would chat and laugh and probably piss off several neighbours with their noise, they were both more tired than they wanted to admit. A pillow, heavy covers and a warm body holding him throughout the night didn’t sound bad to Red. It certainly beat going back home and getting scolded before being able to drop in a cold and lonely bed.
Only once the door was closed and locked behind them, did Zam speak up again. “What time do you have to get up?” she asked him as she pulled his jacket from her shoulders.
He scratched the back of his neck, finding his way to the bathroom easily — he’d even blindly know the way. “Around … eight-ish? My first class has been cancelled.”
She groaned, walking in after him to grab her toothbrush. He watched with an amused smile how she put a beyond generous amount of toothpaste onto it and shoved it straight into her mouth. “I have to work at eight. I will not be quiet.”
Red laughed. “I know,” he replied simply. He turned on the tap and leaned down to take a big sip. Washing his mouth with water and spitting it out after a little while would have to do, because- “you still didn’t buy new mouthwash, you idiot.”
“Fuck off.”
Not three minutes later, they crawled under the covers of Zam’s twin-sized bed. As Red shot a quick message to his mother about staying over, she pressed herself up against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. A chuckle escaped him when she tucked her head underneath his chin. At her content sigh, he pushed the phone away onto the nightstand, then returned the embrace.
They’d been like this countless times before. The amount of times they spent the night together at either of their places had become blurry memories, nearly a routine at this point. And yet, now, feeling her heartbeat against his chest, it made butterflies stir up inside of him, and a smile spread across his face before he could help it. He pressed a kiss against her hair to release the sheer fondness building up inside of him like a rising pressure.
“I love you,” he whispered. One hand found its way into her hair, the other loosely resting on her back. It felt so right, so them.
Zam murmured her reply against his skin, something that only faintly resembled the same three words. It made his eyes fall shut, knowing she’d be okay, safe and sound in his arms and resting well. His breaths slowed, as did hers. Before long, their bodies relaxed against each other, and they’d have dreams that couldn’t even begin to compare to what they had now.