Chapter Text
“Edward, this is Stede. He’s our other trainee pastry chef so the two of you will be working rather closely.” Ed takes the man in, he’s cute with his blonde curls and hazel eyes, a small grin on his face as he watches Ed whilst still rolling out biscuit dough.
“Nice to meet you Edward, I’d shake your hand but…” He holds up his hands to demonstrate, both sticky with biscuit dough.
“S’alright mate, good to meet you too.” Ed’s met with an even bigger grin, as if no one’s ever told Stede that it’s good to meet him - maybe they haven’t. He doesn’t know why they wouldn’t, one minute with the man and he already feels better than he did before.
“Edward, why don’t you go and put on your chef whites and then you can make these biscuits with Stede.”
“Sure,” he nods, heading to the staff area.
Standing in the staff changing room, he pulls his long black curls into a ponytail on top of his head, before smoothing down his chef whites. Once he’s finished getting ready he returns to the kitchen and joins Stede who’s currently placing biscuits on a baking tray.
“Hey.”
“Hey Edward.” No one really calls him Edward anymore unless it’s something formal, but he likes the way it sounds coming from Stede, a beautiful melody.
They stand side by side making light conversation as they make batch after batch of biscuits in all different flavours, the scents of lemon and lavender wafting around them. He barely notices the noise from all the other chefs around them, too caught up in this new little bubble of two. “So, how long have you been working here?”
“A couple months now, I was kinda struggling to figure out what I wanted to do, and then I saw the restaurant were looking for trainee pastry chefs and it just seemed right I guess.”
Ed nods, it was the same for him. He’d always loved baking, it was something he and his mother had done together before she’d gotten ill, hours spent in their small kitchen singing along to Abba as they baked cakes and cookies and sourdough loaves. A hobby that had been forgotten since she’d passed, until a couple weeks ago when he was walking down the street. He’d just finished another difficult shift at the supermarket - customer service was really not for him - and when he’d seen the advert for trainee pastry chefs something had just called to him. Before he had even known what he was doing he was rushing home to fill out the online application and now here he is. He didn’t realise it would feel so right. For the first time in ages it felt like his mother was with him.
His first day goes by quickly, something about being with Stede just makes the time go faster, which kinda sucks because this is the first time he’d quite like time to slow down a little. Luckily it seems like he feels the same way, as after work he invites Ed for a coffee at the coffee shop down the street. Ed, of course, accepts the invitation eagerly, desperate to know more about this sunshine man.
He orders the sugariest drink he can find on the menu and is surprised when Stede doesn’t even bat an eyelid at his drink of choice. In fact he notices that Stede puts several sugar packets in his coffee. As time passes the conversation carries on just as easily as it did at work and he finds that they have quite a lot in common including shitty dads, dead mums, and a shared sweet tooth.
Stede listens intently as he tells him about his Māori heritage, how when he was a child his mum had helped him connect to it. In return Ed listens to Stede talk about his childhood. Ed had always been slightly envious of people growing up with money, but it didn’t seem like a positive in Stede’s life, more like a hold his dad has over him.
Drinks in the coffee shop turns to dinner in a nearby restaurant by the harbour, which turns into drinks at the bar, before sadly ending in goodnights when they’d realised how late it had gotten. He inhales the citrus scents of the blonde’s shampoo as they hug goodbye, struggling to decipher why he feels so sad when they’ll see each other again in mere hours.
“Night Stede.”
“Good night Edward.”
From that day they barely leave each other’s side, days are spent working together in the kitchen making delicious desserts and singing along to the radio. Whilst evenings and weekends are filled with movie nights and takeaways, and late night walks through the city that feel almost magical. He’s never felt this way about someone before, never found such a deep connection that goes down to his very core. He wonders if Stede feels it too. Ed really hopes he does.
One sunny weekend they decide to leave the city behind and head to the beach, there’s a few beaches to choose from nearby but he opts for one a little further away. Ed picks Stede up in his second hand Toyota Corolla, letting him pick the music from the CD selection, delighting when he chooses Arrivals by Abba. “Abba fan too?” Ed asks as ‘When I kissed the teacher’ plays through the car’s speakers.
“Yeah it’s my guilty pleasure, mum and I spent many an afternoon doing jigsaw puzzles whilst singing along to their entire discography.” Stede recalls fondly, and Ed feels a warmth at the similarity to his own childhood. They continue down highway 1 belting out ‘Dancing Queen’ with the windows down, Ed’s long black curls dancing in the wind. His own memories filling his head, licking the wooden spoon as he sat in front of the oven watching their latest creation rise, his mum humming away happily in the background.
After a while of driving, they’re met with the beautiful golden sands of Maraetai beach, stretching out for miles with crystal waters sparkling under the midday sun. Ed pulls over to a nearby car park, grabbing their bags and the cooler he’d brought from the boot. Ed thanks Stede as he takes Ed’s backpack, slinging it over his shoulder.
Stede says, “It’s so beautiful here, y’know I never come to the beach as much as I should.”
“How come?”
“I took my mum to the beach a lot near the end, I guess when she was gone I just couldn’t face it.”
“Shit, sorry man, if this is too much.”
Stede quickly shakes his head and says, “No, I actually think this is the perfect time.” He smiles at Ed with a brightness that could easily rival the sun above them. Which Ed quickly reciprocates, because how could he not.
Ed slides his shoes off, letting the smooth sand run through his toes as they decide on the perfect spot to set up. He’s laying down towels when he becomes incredibly distracted by a now shirtless Stede, he thought he’d be prepared but nothing could’ve prepared him for such a wonderful sight. The generous golden hair that dusts his chest, nestled between frankly gorgeous tits, and those broad shoulders and large biceps. Ed finds himself wondering whether Stede works out or whether they are simply from working in the kitchen.
There’s just one thing he has to do now. “Hey mate, need help with suncream?”
“Oh thank you Ed, that would be really helpful, I do burn quite easily I’m afraid.”
“No problem man, wouldn’t want you to get burnt.” Ed sits behind Stede massaging suncream into those beautiful broad shoulders, ignoring the urge to kiss that delicate spot at the back of his neck. The smell of suncream mingling with the intoxicating scent of citrus and sandalwood that’s so uniquely Stede, Ed never wants to stop breathing it in.
“Shall I do you?”
“Hm?” Did he just hear that right?
“Shall I put suncream on your back?”
“Oh right, yeah that would be good, thanks man.”
They swap places, Ed tries to steady his breathing as Stede rubs suncream into his back, definitely not thinking about the way Stede’s strong hands feel on his shoulders, imagining how they would feel on other parts of his body. He has to stifle a whine when Stede removes his hands, already plotting how he can get them back on him asap. Maybe he’ll need a reapplication later.
Ed busies himself by opening the cooler, taking out a couple cans of Pepsi Max, the coldness in his hand bringing him back to reality. Passing one to Stede, and opening the other one, letting the cold liquid slide down his throat, a perfect remedy against the summer heat. But when he looks up again, Stede is looking at him, quickly averting his gaze when he realises he’s been caught. Ed can’t help smirking, knowing that Stede had been watching him. He’d made a little extra effort today, his long black curls pulled into a messy bun at the nape of his neck, eyelids painted in blues and silvers to rival the ocean.
“So what else is in that cooler of yours?” Stede asks, turning his attention back.
“Nothing much. Just some sandwiches, fruit, and I made banana bread.”
“You’ve really gone all out for today’s trip,” Stede praises.
Ed just shrugs. “S’nothin’ really, just a few snacks.”
“Well I think it’s very sweet.”
Ed can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, he’s never been called sweet before, he wants Stede to call him it again, amongst a lot of other words.
He passes Stede one of the cheese salad sandwiches, their hands brushing briefly but still enough to send a shiver down his spine. Once the sandwiches are finished, Stede gets to enjoy Ed’s famous banana bread.
“You’re really not gonna tell me the secret ingredient?”
“S’a secret, mate.”
“Yeah but it’s me,” Stede pouts in return
“Maybe one day,” Ed winks, earning himself a flustered Stede
“Fine.” Stede grumbles before taking another bite. “Shit, though, it’s so good.”
Ed can’t help but laugh at this wonderful man, everything about today is just so good, being with Stede just feels right, he doesn’t think he’s felt so happy in a long time.
“Fancy a dip?” Ed offers, he’s always been a bit of a water baby, the call of the ocean right now is strong, to feel the cool water around him.
“I-“
“C’mon, It’ll be fun.”
“I must admit I’m not the best swimmer.”
“We’ll just have a paddle then, I’ll keep you safe I promise.” And he really means it, not just now but always, a strong want to protect this man in front of him.
“Thanks Ed.”
The sea is cool, perfect against the summer heat, the gentle sounds of lapping waves periodically interrupted by Stede shrieking whenever a wave comes slightly too close to him. Ed’s about to reassure Stede that he’s fine when a large wave knocks him off his feet.
“Fuck, Stede, where are you, are you okay?” Ed yells, twisting and turning, trying to locate the man.
But then he hears laughter beside him, Stede totally soaked and trying to stand up.
“I’m alright, I’m alright!”
Ed moves over, taking him by the elbows in an attempt to steady him, as he feels a rush of relief that Stede is okay. It’s stupid really, the waters barely up to their knees, but the worry that he’d failed to protect Stede in the water had been strong. But now here Stede is in front of him, quite close in fact, so close Ed could just lean forward and kiss him. So he does, he leans forward and kisses Stede, and he tastes like seasalt and feels like everything Ed’s ever dreamed of. Everything else dims around him, all he knows in this moment is the feel of Stede’s lips, the taste of his mouth as he slides his tongue in, Stede’s hands firm but comforting on his hips.
Reluctantly, on both parts, they eventually pull apart a little. Ed keeps his arms around Stede’s neck, whilst his hands stay resting on Ed’s hips.
“That was…” Stede starts.
“Good, amazing, hot-“
“Unexpected.”
That takes Ed aback. Maybe he’d misread the whole situation, thinking it had been what they had been working towards. “Unexpected?”
“Yeah, I guess I didn’t think you saw me like that. I’d convinced myself it was one-sided.”
Damn, and Ed thought he’d made it pretty obvious.
“Stede, I’ve fancied the pants off you since we first met, mate.”
“You’re not kidding?”
“Nope, you really just have that hold over me,” he chuckles, going in for another kiss to punctuate his statement. Stede hums into his mouth. “Believe me now?”
“Yes I think I do. For the record, I’ve liked you since that day in the bakery too, don’t think I’ve ever liked someone so much.”
And doesn’t that do something to Ed’s heart, to know for sure that not only does Stede like him, he feels the same way he does. That there’s a deep bond between them since that first day they met.
“How about we get outta the water and go dry off?” Stede suggests.
“Yeah that’s probably a good idea, I am starting to get a little cold.” He takes Stede’s hand as they make their way back to where their stuff is, and it feels nice, albeit a little wet.
Ed towel dries his black curls as they sit together in the sand. “Didn’t expect to get my hair wet, stupid waves”
“Yes, that was a bit of a shock! Now you know why I don’t trust the ocean.”
“Yeah, sorry about that mate, I know it was me that forced you out there.”
“Don’t worry. You kept your promise, kept me safe from the dreaded seas.” Stede took Ed’s hand that wasn’t holding the towel.
“You’re really not a fan of the water huh?”
“There was an incident when I was thirteen.”
“You don’t have to tell me, not if you don’t want to.”
Stede shakes his head. “I do, I just, I guess it’s still hard to talk about.”
Ed squeezes his hand for reassurance.
“My dad, he made me go with him on this camping weekend with an important colleague and his sons Chauncey and Nigel, they were downright bullies. On the second day we went canoeing, it was all going well until…” He pauses as if the retelling of the story is just as bad as whatever occurred. Ed continues to hold his hand, lightly rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “Before I even realised what was happening, Nigel had sneaked up behind me and flipped my canoe over.”
Ed’s heart breaks for teenage Stede, he can imagine whatever comes next won’t be pleasant. “Shit, Stede”
“I got trapped under the canoe, I couldn’t breathe, Ed, I could barely work out which way was up. It’s a miracle that I somehow managed to swim in the right direction and find the surface. By the time I broke through the water I was gasping and coughing up water, and what did they do? They just laughed at me, as if it was all just a big joke to them. I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t managed to find my own way out that I would’ve drowned that day.”
“Stede, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Shit, now I get why you were reluctant to go in the water today.”
“It’s fine, Ed. It was a long time ago, and there’s a big difference between a couple feet of water and a freezing cold lake.”
“Yeah, but I can’t imagine it felt good when you got swept under by the wave, that must’ve brought up some stuff.”
“It did, but you did a good job at distracting me,” Stede teases.
“Well let me know if you need any more distractions.”
“Actually, I think I might need one now.” Stede leans forward hopefully. Ed happily obliges and kisses him, his hand tangled in Stede’s blonde curls as he licks into his mouth, enjoying the way the man hums in response.
Stede sighs. “Mm I could get used to that.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, think we could do it again some time?”
“I think we could arrange something,” Ed replies, still fiddling with the curls at the nape of Stede’s neck.
“Might have to be on a regular basis, do you think you could handle that?”
“I think I’ll manage,” and Ed’s kissing him again, yes he could definitely get used to this.
The beach is quiet save for a few surfers further up. “You ever surfed before?” Stede asks.
“Once, I definitely spent more time in the water than on the board,” he chuckles. “Not sure it’s for me, I’m guessing it’s something you haven’t tried?”
“Yeah it’s not really my thing,” Stede says, which Ed thinks is a shame really. He could imagine Stede on a surfboard, his blonde curls blowing in the breeze, those beautiful calves working hard to stay on the board. Nevermind, there’s plenty of ways he can put those legs to good use.
They continue to watch the surfers, then as the sun starts to set a few others join them on the beach to watch the sun kiss the ocean, painting the sky with pinks and oranges. “It’s really beautiful isn’t it?” Stede muses.
Ed turns to look at Stede, the gentle glow of the sun illuminating his features. “Yeah, it really is.”
The next few days pass and Ed continues to feel on cloud nine after that kiss. Since their trip to the beach things have been going great for the pair and there have already been many more shared kisses, although maybe not any more in the kitchen changing rooms after they got caught. This weekend there’s a carnival in town and they’ve decided to make it their first official date, and he couldn’t be more excited.
He gets ready at his apartment before they meet at the carnival. He puts on his favourite purple shirt before doing his hair in half up half down space buns, adding a little bit of eyeliner to complete the look.
Despite the large crowds, it doesn’t take long for him to spot Stede, he’s wearing a teal shirt and his blonde curls somehow look even more beautiful than normal. A huge grin fills Stede’s whole face as soon as he spots Ed, and Ed knows that his face is likely just as smitten.
“Hey,” he says, greeting him with a kiss.
“Hey,” Stede looks at him, still grinning.
Ed takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “So what would you like to do first?”
They make their way through the thrum of people, stalls filled with various activities line the way.
“C’mon, we have to do this one.” Ed stops in front of one of the stalls, one where you have to throw balls into coloured buckets.
“Don’t bother Ed, they’re always rigged.”
But Ed has already decided that he wants to win Stede a stuffed toy. “I’ve got this, I know the trick to winning,” he says confidently, handing over the money in exchange for five plastic yellow balls. But when he throws the first one it bounces straight back out of the bucket.
“It’s okay Ed, you’re doing great!” Stede cheers him on, Ed can’t help but smile at how cute it is.
“Thanks babe.” He throws the second one a little lighter this time but still it bounces right back out, maybe he was a little over-confident. As he watches the third ball fall to the floor, although he blames Stede sneezing right as he was ready to throw for that one, he’s starting to feel a little dejected.
“Ed, it’s fine really,” Stede comforts him, kissing him on the cheek. “I really think this game might be impossible.”
Ed was starting to think Stede was right, but he still had two more balls left so he aims for the next bucket and to both their surprises it went in, even the grumpy stall holder seemed a little shocked. With the last ball he aims for the final bucket and again manages to land it in.
“Yay, go Ed!” Stede claps his hands excitedly.
“Why thank you,” Ed replies, giving an over the top bow.
“Here you go mate,” the grumpy stall holder passes him a small purple butterfly plushie, not quite the large teddy bear he’d expected to give his date but he’d take it.
“For you,” Ed says.
“Oh Ed. Thank you, I love them.” Stede takes the plushie, holding it close to his chest.
“What are you gonna name them?”
Stede thinks for a second. “I think I’m gonna call them ‘Lavender’.”
Ed smiles, suddenly taken back to that first day in the kitchen together making lavender biscuits. “S’a great name.”
“I thought so.”
They make their way towards the various food stalls, drawn to the smells of hotdogs and popcorn, but Ed has a different treat on his mind - the bright pink candy floss that’s currently being spun. “I’m gonna get us some candy floss, be right back”
“Okay, I’ll wait here.”
Ed heads straight for the stall, waiting in line for his sugary treat. When he turns around again to locate Stede, he’s talking to a short brunette woman. He observes for a second whilst they’re unaware they’re being watched. He can’t hear what they’re saying but Stede looks almost distressed by the conversation, the woman doesn’t look much happier. She says one more thing to him before storming off, leaving him looking incredibly anxious about something.
“You alright mate, who was that?”
Stede’s head snaps up as if he hadn’t even noticed Ed coming up to him. “Oh yeah I’m fine,” he replies, putting on a fake smile. “She was just someone I used to know from school, she just came over to say hi.”
Ed can easily tell it’s a lie but he doesn’t press the issue, trusting that Stede will tell him in his own time. “Want some?” He asks, offering the fluffy pink sweet treat.
“Thanks.” Stede takes some, popping it into his mouth. Ed does the same, letting the sugar dissolve on his tongue. His mum always used to tease him about his sweet tooth, and she definitely wasn’t wrong. So he’s happy that Stede is equally fond of sweet treats.
Either whatever happened between Stede and that woman really wasn’t that important or he’s good at pretending he’s okay, as the rest of the evening is filled with smiles and laughter.
“C’mon we can’t come to the carnival without going on the ferris wheel.” Ed takes Stede’s hand, dragging him towards the large wheel. Ed has always loved the ferris wheel, despite not being a fan of rides; this was the one ride his mum would go on. They’d buy candy floss and go round and round on the ferris wheel until they ran out of tokens.
As they ascend, the city slowly comes into view and soon they can see over the whole carnival and beyond, the lights twinkling against the darkening sky.
“I can see why you like the ferris wheel so much, I can see as far as the harbour from up here.”
“Do you know what else ferris wheels are good for?”
“What?”
Ed leans in closer until their lips meet, Stede responds immediately, deepening the kiss, his hand moving to the back of Ed’s head to keep him close. When he eventually moves away, his breathing is a little faster and there’s a blush blooming on his cheeks, the poor man seems a little flustered. Ed didn’t care about the view anymore, the sight of the man in front of him is much better.
“Yes, that’s definitely one way to spend our time up here.”
Ed wraps an arm around Stede’s shoulders, allowing the man to snuggle into his side, he breathes him in, the intoxicating scents of citrus with a hint of florals, and something uniquely Stede.
He’s enjoying himself so much that he barely realises they’ve reached the ground again. He almost jumps when the ride operator opens the safety bar and says, “Rides over.”
“Can we have another go, mate?”
“You’ll have to join the queue again, pal.”
“Please mate, look I’ll give you the rest of our tokens.” Ed tips their last few tokens into the man’s hand, who continues to stand there like he’s expecting more. Stede slips the man some money, Ed doesn’t see how much but it must be enough because he replaces the safety bar and soon they’re going around again.
“Thanks for that, just wasn’t ready for the ride to be over.”
“I may have had ulterior motives,” Stede smiles.
“Oh yeah?” But before he can ask what they are, Stede’s lips are once again on his and his brain’s short circuiting.
Stede had been acting odd all day, he’s barely said a word since he turned up to work late and spent ten minutes trying and failing to tie his apron before Ed had helped him. He hasn’t brought it up yet, but after a second tray of burnt biscuits he decides it’s best to take Stede outside for some fresh air and a well-needed talk. “Babe, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just-” But before he can continue his phone rings. Stede checks the caller ID before flinging his phone away. Ed watches it skim across the floor before he picks it up and catches a glimpse of the screen.
“Your dad been bugging you?”
Stede shrugs. “It’s fine, I can handle it.”
“By throwing your phone around? You could’ve just not accepted the call y’know.”
“He just won’t get off my back,” Stede sniffs, wiping away the few tears that had started to fall.
“Hey,” Ed envelops him in his arms. “Whatever it is, it’s okay, we’ll handle it together.” For some reason that has Stede crying even harder, Ed starts to feel a dampness on his shirt but he doesn’t pull away. He continues to hold Stede as the odd sob escapes him. “Shh it’s okay, I’ve got you.”
“Bonnet, Teach, where have you two disappeared to? Oh!” The head pastry chef realises that he’s just walked in on a sensitive moment. “Five minutes and you’re back in, got it?”
“Yes chef.” Ed answers for both of them, seeing as Stede is still sobbing silently into his chest.
Once they’re alone again, Stede pulls away, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “Sorry about that.”
“Mate, you don’t need to apologise. Do you wanna talk about whatever the fuck your dad’s done to make you this upset?”
Stede shakes his head. “It’s nothing really, I shouldn’t let him get to me. We should head back in.”
Before Ed can protest, Stede is already heading for the door, so he just follows, vowing to keep a close eye on the man for the rest of the day.
By the time the work day has ended, Stede looks exhausted, like the poor man has been fighting a thousand battles inside his head and lost them all. He’d never met Stede’s father, but he already couldn’t stand him for whatever he’s putting Stede through.
After changing out of his chef whites, he finds Stede sat on a bench staring at his phone. “Still bugging you?”
Stede jumps slightly as if he hadn’t noticed Ed’s presence until then. “Ten missed calls and a dozen texts, I think maybe I’ll just turn my phone off.”
“Sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”
“Honestly I just wanna forget about it for now, spend the evening with just the two of us.”
“In that case how about we go to my place, we could watch a film, order a takeaway?”
“Actually I was thinking we could go to that seafood restaurant we love.”
“Tonight, I’m a little tired babe, maybe we could go at the weekend?”
“Please?” Stede pouts “I really fancy the seafood linguine.”
How could Ed ever say no to that face? “Sure, yeah, let’s go.”
They’ve been to this restaurant a few times now, Ed’s convinced it’s the best seafood restaurant in the whole of Auckland. He’s not sure why Stede’s so adamant to come here on a Wednesday evening, but he’d do anything to try and put a smile back on his face.
They’re taken to one of the tables by the large window with a great view of the harbour. He looks to Stede who’s illuminated by the last rays of sunlight. “This is nice, what made you wanna come here tonight?”
Stede shrugs “I just thought it’d be nice to go out, spend some proper time together. Plus, like I said, all I can think about is that seafood linguine.”
Ed laughs lightly, taking Stede’s hand in his over the table. “The food is damn good here, company’s not bad either.”
He’s surprised when Stede orders a bottle of champagne. “Really going out tonight, what’s the occasion?”
“No occasion, just thought we deserved a treat, a chance to celebrate us.”
“To us then, I guess.” Ed picks up his glass to cheers with Stede
“To us. Thank you Edward, for everything.”
He’s about to query what has Stede so sentimental this evening when they’re interrupted by the waiter with their food. His mouth waters at the sight of the scallops, he already knows they’re gonna be good, it’s not the first time he’s ordered them. He watches as Stede tucks into his linguine, delighting in how much he’s enjoying his meal. He could quite happily watch this man all day, the little wiggle does when he’s enjoying something, he doesn’t think he could ever tire of this.
As the evening continues, Stede keeps up the facade that everything’s okay, but every so often when he thinks he’s not looking, Ed catches Stede looking at him forlornly. He wishes he could get rid of everything plaguing the man’s mind, instead he just offers gentle touches and hopes he’s at least helping soothe him a little.
They split the cheesecake for dessert, Stede even insists on feeding him which he happily accepts. He likes these small intimate moments where he just feels truly cherished, no one else has ever made him feel that way before. When the bill arrives Stede has his credit card out before Ed can even reach for his wallet.
“Sure you don’t wanna split it?”
Stede takes his hand, squeezing gently as he looks into his eyes. “Let me treat you darling, you deserve it for everything you’ve done.”
Ed’s going to object, say that Stede’s the one that’s brought so much colour into his life, but he’s being so sweet. Besides, Ed can just treat him next time. There will be plenty of other opportunities, he’s even thinking of surprising him with a romantic weekend away.
After the meal they walk hand in hand along the water as they read all the names on the little fishing boats. “Look at this one babe, ‘Sail La Vie’.” Ed’s always loved a good pun, and he knows Stede appreciates them too. They come across another fishing boat, this one called ‘The Revenge’. “Bit dramatic for a fishing boat don’t you think?”
“I dunno I kinda like it, if I had a boat I reckon that’s what I’d call it.”
“Thinking about getting a boat then are you? I suppose it might be nice, we could sail the seas together, could go wherever we fuckin’ wanted to, together”.
Stede sighs deeply beside him. “That does sound lovely darling, to just escape from everything and be with you.”
“Honestly, as long as we’re together, I don’t mind where we are.” Ed can hear how sappy he sounds but he doesn’t even care, he’s never felt so happy and he needs Stede to know how much he means to him. That even if Stede moved across the world he’d follow without hesitation.
They eventually reach his apartment building. “You comin’ up?”
“I’m actually kinda tired so I think I’m just gonna head home and have an early night.”
Ed’s surprised. Stede’s never turned down an invitation before, but he supposes the man has had a hard time with his dad, so he doesn’t push it. They kiss goodbye, and for some reason Stede seems reluctant to break the kiss. When he eventually does, he presses their foreheads together.
“I love you Edward, never forget that okay?” His voice is cracking as he gives the confession.
Ed’s taken aback, hundreds of butterflies dancing around inside of him, he hadn’t expected now to be the first time Stede announced his love. Still, it’s perfect and it takes everything in him to not break down into tears in public.
“I love you too Stede, so so much.”
He can’t help it if a few tears fall, it seems that Stede is equally affected by tonight’s events. He lets Stede kiss away the tears, enjoying the tender moment. He’s never felt this way about someone before, this deep desire to keep someone close. But reluctantly he eventually lets Stede go, he knows it’s silly since they’ll see each other again in a matter of hours, but he still doesn’t wanna let him leave.
“Night Stede, see you tomorrow,” he says, giving Stede a parting kiss.
“Goodbye, Edward.” Stede’s hand is lingering on Ed’s cheek, and there’s something in his eyes that Ed can’t quite distinguish, but before he can work it out Stede’s already turned around and started walking down the path. Ed watches him walk away until he can’t see him anymore before going inside, he really is utterly in love with that man.
When he arrives at work, Ed goes through his normal routine, putting his chef whites on, stuffing his ponytail into a hideous hairnet, before starting his preparations for the day. He makes the dough and sets it aside to chill in the fridge whilst he gets to work on the pastry cream. Stede still hasn’t arrived but that’s not too odd, this isn’t the first time he’s been late.
It’s a busy morning so he barely has time to wonder about Stede’s absence again until his break, when he checks his phone but there’s no messages from Stede.
“Boss, did Stede call in sick?”
“Sick? Why would he need to do that?”
Ed’s brow furrowed in confusion. Had Stede taken the day off? Maybe Ed had just forgotten about it. “What do you mean?”
“He emailed his resignation to me last night.”
Everything around him stops. Why would Stede resign? More importantly, why wouldn’t he mention this to Ed? He has to find Stede, he has to get an explanation. Maybe Stede just got a new job and was too scared to tell Ed, yeah that’ll be it, he could work with that, it’s not like they need to spend all their time together.
“What about the two week notice?”
“He’s taken it as holiday, he won’t be coming back here.”
Those words hurt more than he felt they should, they sounded so permanent, but it’s okay because it’s not like Stede has left his life, just his job. Still, Ed had a sudden need to check that Stede hasn’t just dropped off the face of the earth.
He opens their text thread, the last message he’d sent last night was a goodnight message, but now he can see the message was never read. He sends Stede another message but this one goes undelivered, so he tries again and again but each time the messages won’t send. Something must be wrong with his phone, Stede would never block him.
The not knowing is killing him, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and tears off his chef whites, throwing them along with his hair net into his locker. He grabs his bag and keys , heading out the back door before he’s seen leaving. He needs answers and he’s not waiting until after work to get them. He hops onto his motorbike and heads for Stede’s house, anxious about what he’s going to find.
“Stede, Stede please just answer the door, it’s me, Ed!” He’s been pounding on the door for what feels like hours now but is probably only about ten minutes. To anyone else it was quite obvious that Stede likely wasn’t here but Ed didn’t want to face that reality quite yet, because if Stede wasn’t here then he really might be gone.
It’s another ten minutes until one of Stede’s neighbours comes out, an elderly woman. “Are you Edward, dear?”
“Yeah, um is Stede in?”
“I’m sorry, dear.” Sorry, why was she sorry, it can’t be what he thinks, this can’t be happening. She hands him something before heading back inside, and his heart breaks when he looks down to see the butterfly plushie in his hands. No, he’d won this for Stede, Stede should have this not him, why is he giving it back? He slumps against Stede’s front door hugging Lavender close to his chest as tears start to fall on the other item he’d been handed, a letter in Stede’s beautiful cursive. It’s a while before he can open the letter, too scared of what might be inside.
Dear Edward,
I am so sorry that I was too much of a coward to say all this to your face, I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me, but I need to explain to you why this is for the best. But first I need you to know how happy you’ve made me these past months. Meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I never knew I could even feel that way until I met you. I can easily say that they were the best months of my life and that’s all because of you, never doubt how amazing you are, Edward Teach. You’re bright and funny, incredibly beautiful inside and out, truly something special. I hope you know that Edward, I hope you realise how special you are. I know you’ll go on to do great things, whether it’s owning your own patisserie or something else. Maybe I’ll even see you on the tv someday with your own baking show.
Letting you go is the hardest thing I will ever have to do, it’s a grief I haven’t felt since my own mother’s funeral. Yet I know it is for the best, I would only hold you back, instead I am setting you free. I have duties I must uphold, I’m already enough of a disappointment. You deserve better and I know you will find it, and that they will make you as happy as you have made me. Your life will be full of all the love you deserve. Never doubt that I meant every word I said to you, I love you with my whole heart and will carry that with me for the rest of my life.
Love, Stede
It felt like some sort of elaborate sick joke, as if any second Stede was going to jump out of the bushes any second shouting, “Gotcha!” Oh, how he would’ve preferred that to this painful truth where he’s sat, his heart shattered on the grass in front of him. Now all that’s left is one piece of paper with no proper explanation as to why Stede thought it was okay to betray him so violently, to just walk away as if he meant nothing. If Stede really meant those things he wrote in this letter then he’d be here standing in front of Ed.
He thinks back to their final interactions, trying desperately to find any scraps of evidence that this was Stede’s plan all along. Then it hits him, how strange he’d acted yesterday. Ed had thought he was just upset about his father but maybe it was more than that. Stede had tried to make the whole evening perfect, like the final day you give a sick dog before putting it down.
Their love confessions that had made him feel like he was on cloud nine last night now felt like a sword to the heart. Whilst Ed’s meant forever, Stede’s were a goodbye. He feels like a fool for even thinking that he could have something good, this is what’s meant for him, an empty nothingness that consumes him wholly.
He takes his lighter out of the inner pocket of leather jacket, holding it to the letter as he watches the fire consume the last words that Stede will ever say to him. Once the letter is no more than ash, he takes the lighter to the butterfly plushie, watching as fire slowly creeps up the wing.
“Shit!”
He drops the plushie and puts the fire out. For some reason he can’t bring himself to burn it.
When he finally feels that he can stand without his legs giving out, he gets back on his motorbike, taking one last look at Stede’s house before leaving it behind, plushie clutched in his grasp. Vowing to himself to never have anything to do with that man ever again.