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The night was cold and rainy, something typical of early spring on Patch. Within her sister and sister-in-law's condo sat Weiss Schnee, positioned in a chair behind a TV tray. She sat with her back to a wall, in front of her one half of each team for tonight's Newlywed Game.
She looked around the room, waiting for those in front of her to finish writing their answers to tonight’s questions. Yang and May finished answering their five relatively quickly, scribbling on their cards, which should have been wonderful. Unfortunately, their occasional giggling made Weiss feel deeply concerned. Children.
They were contrasted by Summer and Penny, who both wrote their answers quietly. Based on their facial expressions and how they looked around the room in thought, they were pondering their answers much more.
Summer finished her last question after a few more minutes, and Penny followed her another minute more. Penny looked over at Weiss with a smile, placing her pencil down on the table next to her and Ruby’s seat for the night. With all answers in, there was nothing left to do before the game’s start than call in the other halves of the teams.
“Okay, so before we begin, does anyone have any last minute questions?” Weiss asked the four teams of two in front of her.
May’s hand shot right up. “Yeah, I do. Isn’t The Newlywed Game only for married couples?”
Weiss rolled her eyes as she responded. “Ruby and Penny are getting married in two weeks, close enough.”
“Oh I didn’t mean them.” May answered back. “I meant those two.” she added, pointing to the opposite side of the room from her.
“Summer wanted to play and Tai is sick, so I’m filling in.” Raven replied with a bit of her signature attitude. “Deal with it, flower-girl.” Raven’s answer earned some blown raspberries back.
“If we’re all done being immature,” Weiss interjected, eager to get things back on track, “are there any other questions?”
She looked around the room, seeing each of the teams also looking at each other. “Okay good. I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone we all agreed to keep this somewhere between PG and PG-13, so I hope you all remembered to keep your answers clean.” She made sure Yang and May could tell she was looking right at them. “First question: Winter, what is May’s favorite pass-time?”
Winter smugly crossed her arms and with closed eyes held her chin high. “That's easy, gardening.”
“May, please flip your first card.”
“Sex with women.”
And already rules were being broken.
Weiss slammed her hands on the TV tray. “What did I JUST say?”
Winter turned her head toward her wife when she heard Weiss shout. “May Marigold!”
“What?!” May said, confused. “Oh sorry, hold on.” she added as she flipped her card back over to scribble on it.
“Sex with women Winter.”
”THAT'S NOT BETTER!” Winter scolded as her face went red as a tomato.
“What?!” May shouted back. “Oh, like I'm the only one who would’ve thought that.” She looked to the couple on her left. “Ruby? Penny? Help me out here.
“We’re ace May.” Ruby and Penny answered in unison while Ruby raised a hand in the air. “Also my mom is right there so… yeah...”
“Oh, my bad.” May looked to the next couple down the line. “Blake? Yang?”
“I wouldn't be thinking that.” Blake answered, crossing her arms.
“I mean, I’m not gonna say I wouldn't think that.” Yang answered at the same time with a shrug.
“Yang, your moms are right there.” said Blake, grabbing the bridge of her nose as she turned to Yang.
“Oh we know what she’s about.” Raven yelled from across the room. “Ever since me and Sum found those bikini mags in her-”
“MOM!” a very red faced and wide eyed Yang interrupted through gritted teeth.
“MOVING. ON.” Weiss said, rescuing Yang. “Ruby, the next one is for you, a fact I am very thankful for given what it is. What is your favorite part of Penny?
Ruby hummed and murmured to herself in thought before she answered. “I guess I’d say… her chest?”
Weiss could only let out a deep, disappointed sigh. “And I was so hopeful for a non-scandalous answer from you.”
“Scandalous? How is-” Ruby’s face went as red as her eyes went wide. “OH NO NOT LIKE THAT! I didn't mean her- I said that because I like laying on her chest and listening to her heartbeat when we’re in bed! And heart sounded weird in my head.”
“Oh, that’s different then. Penny, flip your card.”
With a smile, Penny did. “Chest (for heartbeat-listening reasons!)”
“First points to Ruby and Penny." said Weiss. "Next: Blake, what would Yang say is the best tasting thing in the world?
“The spicy honey-barbeque sauce from Hazel’s Hot Wings downtown.” Blake said calmly but confidently.
“Yang, flip your card.”
“Blake”
“YANG XIAO LONG!” Weiss scolded as she smacked her hands on the tray in front of her.
“What?” Yang replied with a shrug and a smug grin. “I never specified where.” Her expression was a direct contrast to Blake’s, who had her face buried in her hands.
“Oh we ALL know what you mean.” a very annoyed Weiss replied. “AND YOUR MOMS ARE RIGHT THERE!” She added, gesturing to Summer and Raven.
Weiss was interrupted by a stifled chuckle from May. “I woulda done the same thing.”
“WE KNOW!” barked Weiss and Winter.
“Ugh, how am I relieved it's Raven’s turn?” Weiss groaned. “Raven, what is Summer’s favorite memory of you two?”
“Hmmmm,” Raven let out, squinting in thought. “Probably when we took Yang to the park for the first time together. It was a nice day, we bought ice cream, and we got Yang saying her first word on video. Tai was so upset he wasn't there for it, but he was working at the time. Poor guy.
I’m not sure that’s it, but it’s something like that.” Raven finished her answer with a flippant flick of her wrist.
“Alright Summer, flip your card.” instructed Weiss.
“Tie between all the times Raven checked out my butt.”
Weiss stared at the card for a few seconds, reading it over and over. She thought to herself, “No… it can’t say that right?” only for her to read it again and lo and behold, it was exactly what she thought it said. “I'm actually completely speechless.”
“What, why?” Raven said as she looked toward Weiss. “What did-” She started to look toward her teammate.
She reflexively leaned in close and started barking. “IT WAS ONE TIME SUMMER. I LOOKED AT YOUR BUTT ONE. TIME. WHEN WE WERE IN COLLEGE. WE’RE IN OUR FIFTIES NOW!” She crossed her arms, looking away as she continued to shout. “LET IT GO ALREADY!”
Summer didn’t move an inch as Raven berated her. Instead, she got a wide, cheeky grin. “Oh so you finally admit it.”
“That’s- I didnt-” Raven looked like she was milliseconds from combusting. “SHUT UP SUMMER!”
“Oh don’t be so embarrassed.” Summer said through a chuckle. “It was a… flattering and risque outfit I was wearing that very warm summer day after all.”
“Yang, are we-” said Ruby, looking across the room at Yang as Yang interrupted.
“Yes Ruby, we’re in Hell.” She reached out to Ruby with one hand. “Be strong sister”
“You know Rae, if it makes you feel any better, I used to look at yours too.” Summer added.
“Mom.” pleaded Yang and Ruby.
“Especially when you wore those little shorts that-”
“MOM!”
“That's it!” shouted Weiss, throwing the rest of the game cards at the floor, storming out of the room. “Too many of you are children! We’re playing Yahtzee instead.”