Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long for everyone to settle into their new lives. Routines quickly formed as they started to build their new homes. Cabins would be built and styled to each person's will, and other community buildings are under development, but for the moment, everyone is sharing tents.

Obviously, those in their group who are in relationships share a tent while Raven is sharing with Echo and Gaia is sharing with her mother. It all made the most sense. Though Raven was a bit put out when she discovered that Clarke was sharing a tent with Niylah stalking away muttering about wanting to share with the princess leaving behind a very confused Niylah and groaning Clarke who then had to explain why everyone had started to recall her princess.

But they all agreed that the couples would share tents together. So, Clarke and Niylah thought it would be pretty obvious that they started sharing a tent again, given their past relationship and the literal fact that they weren’t hiding getting back together after defeating the Primes.

Yet apparently that wasn’t enough for people to get the message as they discovered when fishing with Raven one afternoon. The three of them were joking about the stories people were sharing around the campfire the previous night.

Octavia had brought up how awkward everyone felt at the dropship with the whole Clarke, Finn and Raven triangle going on at the time. With Miller throwing in that Finn didn’t even try to hide it following Clarke around like a lost puppy while she was actively trying to avoid him.

Raven had stepped and defended her arguing it wasn't a triangle just Finn being in love with Clarke. While Clarke joked it really was a triangle because near the end she was the one flirting with Raven. The mechanic stared at her weirdly for a few moments before Clarke saw the lightbulb go on in her mind. “Oh my god, you were flirting with me when you said that.”

That being that Clarke would have picked her over everyone.

Barely suppressing a laugh Clarke just tipped her head in a what can you do manner. “I was flirting with you for a about a week before that. But it’s nice to see you’ve finally picked up on it.”

Niylah had then piped in nudging Clarke’s shoulder. “Your flirting has got better since then.” That should have been a clear hint to everyone else but seemingly the comment went over everyone’s head. As did Clarke blushing and resting her head on Niylah’s shoulder.

Stabbing a fish with a pole Clarke thanks Raven for backing her up last night. The others can joke about the whole love triangle between her, Raven and Finn but Clarke is aware of how much the whole hurt Raven at the time. And although they still got past it the hurt is still there. “Don’t worry.” Raven brushes her off. “Us singles got to stick together surrounded by all these couples.” The dark-haired woman jokes as she stabs at the water narrowly missing a fish.

Clarke and Niylah side eye each other at Raven’s words. “What.” Clarke eventually asks wondering if she just misheard Raven.

Raven just shrugs clambering out of the water. “You know, Jordan and Hope, Murphy and Emori, Octavia and Levitt, Miller and Jackson.” Raven lists off all the couples in the camp apart from her and Niylah. “It’s nice to not be the only person here not in a relationship. I’ll tell you those six years on the ring where hell for that.” Raven laughs at her own joke.

Again, Clarke and Niylah side eye each other without Raven noticing. “Us singles.” Clarke repeats slowly and incredulity.

“Yep.” Raven replies popping the p. “You, me, Niylah, Echo, Gaia and Indra. It’s the single life for us it seems.” She says with a small shrug but that happy go lucky smile she always wears.

Echo calls Raven over for help and the woman gives them a mock salute before leaving the dumbstruck couple behind. The two of them still trying to make sense of what just occurred. “They know right.” Clarke states looking towards Niylah for confirmation. “They know we’re back together right.”

Niylah just as confused about this as her slowly nods. “They have to. We’ve haven’t exactly been hiding it.”

That is true. From the very start, they hadn’t been subtle about their relationship. Back in Arkadia they also shared a room, openly held hands with each other and more often than not when neither of them were working or were hanging out with the others they were wrapped in an embrace with one of them resting their chin on the other's shoulder.

When the fire set Arkadia a blaze Niylah had been her first priority. She had shoved a coughing Skaikru member out of the way to get to Niylah quicker before throwing herself at her helping her to the ground and fretting over her. Niylah had pushed her to check on Octavia since the girl had just had major surgery and once, she made sure that O was ok she darted right back to Niylah’s side refusing to be parted with her again until she had to leave to Becca’s Island.

Which was a few days later. She was glued to Niylah’s side during that time. Where one went the other went. Or more likely she clung to Niylah in fear and followed her everywhere she needed to go before dragging the Trikru woman with her when she needed to do something.

Though looking back at that now no one from this group was really around at that time. Raven, Miller, Jackson, Murphy and Emori were all at the Island while Octavia was confined to her medical bed while she healed.

It was really only Monty, Harper and Bellamy around at that time. And Bellamy had joked at this rate he would need to kidnap Niylah to allow her to breathe. A joke that made Niylah roll her eyes and pull her closer muttering she didn’t mind.

Niylah had also joined them in the bunker and again shared Clarke’s bed. Hell Niylah is still wearing her father’s watch. Surely everyone at this point is aware of them.

Right...

Turns out no one knows.

Niylah at the fire pit that night during a game of ranking things asks everyone to rank the couples in the group. Gaining a bunch of ohhhs from the crowd. Going around the circle everyone listed the couples in their order of cuteness and not one person said her and Clarke.

They didn’t either going last still reeling from the fact they were left out of the rankings and feeling since no one knew about them this wasn’t really the time to reveal the secret. When they left to head back to their tent Clarke was the one to break the silence as they lay in the furs together. Clarke’s fingers tracing Niylah’s tattoo.

“Do you think they are messing with us.” Clarke asks pausing in her actions. That is the only thing that really makes sense. The others are pulling a prank on them.

Niylah turns over to face her. “I don’t know. Ai deimeika (my sun) it would be a strange prank.”

“But kind of on point for our friends.” The lighter blonde argues.  “I mean... how could they not know.” Clarke knows for a fact that Monty and Harper knew. She had made Monty promise to watch out for Niylah while she wasn’t around in fear of something happening to her like it did Lincoln. Monty had agreed without hesitation and basically acted as Niylah’s personal guard during her stay in Arkadia.

Bellamy knew and would also mock her for her blatant feelings for the grounder while trying to form a friendship with Niylah and mend the damage he helped caused in regards to her father’s murder with Pike.

A friendship Clarke was unsure of as she quietly informed Niylah one night that she doesn’t have to make nice with Bellamy for her sake. He and she would understand if Niylah needed some distance from him and she would make sure Bellamy left her alone if that was the case. But Niylah had told her that Bellamy was the other half to her leadership, and she needed him. She needed both of them to get everyone through this. That being around him sometimes was difficult, but she understood why he did what he did. She hated it but she understood. She's just glad that it looks like they could be building towards a new future where everyone isn’t always killing everyone.

“I don’t mean this in a bad way.” Niylah starts stroking Clarke’s face earning a small smile as the younger woman’s eyes flutter close at the loving gesture. “But our friends can be kind of oblivious sometimes.”

Clicking her tongue she concedes to that point as well. “Do you think we should just... tell them.” She asks with distaste. Not that is against the others knowing about her and Niylah. She has never cared for that for others being all knowing in her business. It’s why the whole Finn situation really ticked her off. Everyone knew.

Everyone knew and everyone was constantly making comments about it or sending each other looks. She never wanted people to be gossiping about her like that.

She also doesn’t know who one would address their relationship. Would they make an announcement, kiss in front of people and wait for their reactions, tell people one by one... what exactly would they do here.

“Do you not want to tell them.” Niylah asks picking up on her discomfort.

Shifting her position from lying down to leaning on her hand to sit slightly above Niylah she tries her best to explain it. “I do want people to know. I’m not saying that I want to keep us a secret. You know I never wanted that or tried to do that. You were never something I felt like I had to hide. I just don’t want to make such a big deal out of it. Especially when we have been clear with our care and affection towards each other.” She slightly rambles in her effort to not offend Niylah.

“What if... what if we didn’t tell them,” Niylah asks after a moment of consideration.

Clarke feels her eyebrows scrunch together. “You don’t want people to know about us.”

Niylah moves to sit up properly and Clarke follows her up until she is still on her knees as well. “I’m saying we don’t say anything. We just be us and see if anyone calls us out on it.”

“We could be doing that until we die of old age with how unobservant our friends seem to be in regards to us.”

Niylah rolls her eyes but the smile lining her face shows her true feelings. “It won’t take them that long.”

“We’ve together for months.” Clarke deadpans.

“I reckon it will take them a week to figure it out.” Niylah continues ignoring her last comment.

A week... if people haven’t realised by now, she doubts another week of them acting the same will wake people up. For bragging rights, she argues, “I reckon it will take a month.” It will probably take longer but if after a month everyone is still unaware, she might just let it slip one night and get it over with. They can’t go the rest of their lives walking around on eggshells around each other waiting for everyone to finally click.

Niylah’s smile turns mischievous. A rare sight but one that never fails to swiftly amuse her. “Do you want to make a bet on that.”

A bet. On how long it takes. She could see the fun in that. And she definitely has this in the bag anyways. “Sure. Why not. You bet less than a week I bet a month. Whoever is closest wins.”

“Ok what do I win if I’m closest.” Niylah asks coyly.

Ohhhh there’s a prize up for grabs. Not just bragging rights. Now this just got interesting.

Clarke hums to herself trying to find of what she could give Niylah should her lover win. The first that comes to her mind on what she can give to Niylah is also a reward for her. “I’ll do that thing with my tongue you like so much.” Clarke offers smirking to herself thinking she’s got the best deal here.

Except Niylah then laughs bursting that little bubble. “Seriously that’s your offer. We both know you like doing that just much as I enjoy it. Like you weren’t going to do that anyways.” Niylah challenges and Clarke concedes to that. She would do that anyways... Anytime... definitely tonight if Niylah is up for it.

Rolling her eyes Clarke admits defeating. “Fine what do you want.”

Niylah clicks her tongue as she thinks about it. “How about any duties I’m assigned that I don’t want you’ll have to do them.”

“I can do that. And I win you have to do all my to my chores around the campfire.” She supplies feeling somewhat proud at thinking of a decent prize. Only that pride lasts for all of two seconds as she watches the teasing grins slip off of Niylah’s face followed by a dark understanding.

Niylah reaches out and draws her into a hug allowing Clarke to burry herself into Niylah’s neck. “You never told me that was bothering you again.” Niylah mutters with worry.

Sighing Clarke realises she walks herself into a hole. “It’s not as bad as it used to be.” She admits. “But the smell of it still makes me feel uncomfortable at times and I would rather not be around it.” After what happened at the dropship, Finn’s death, Ton DC and Mount Weather the smell of fire and burning would start to cause panic attacks, flashbacks and discomfort. This was furthered after being caught in the radiation wave and destruction of the valley.

Niylah and Madi were the only ones aware of this. And she intends to keep it that way. She enjoys their nightly meetings around the campfire. But she can never remain too long otherwise the smell of the smoke starts to take her down a dark path. Ushering in memories she would rather leave in the past.

When Arkadia was set ablaze and she almost lost both Niylah and Octavia to the flames that fear grew exponentially. She used to have nightmares about it. Ones were Niylah would be trapped inside of the flaming building and no matter what she did Clarke couldn't get to her and would have to watch her burn as so many of her kills had. Many times Niylah had been woken up by and then have to try and calm her down. Reassuring her that she wasn't dead. That she was safe. That they both were. She hasn’t really had one in a while, and she would rather keep it that way.

Niylah nods to her terms pulling her closer and allowing Clarke to seek comfort in her. “Deal. Now what are the rules.” The older woman asks thankfully moving the conversation on long lingering on the issue. But she knows at the campfires for now on Niylah will be paying extra close attention.

Thinking about the best way to do this they need to have a set of boundaries. Things that can’t do or say to make it obvious... well more than obvious that they are together. Otherwise, they could just do it and then win the bet when they want.

She doubts either of them would do that but it’s best to put some rules into play so they can’t accuse the other of cheating when they don’t want to do something. “We can’t outright say we are together. No kissing on the lips as that is a giveaway and no mention of our past relationship. We can do everything else.”

Niylah pulls back from her smiling and kissing her quickly when she whines at the sudden distance between them. “Shake on it.” Offering her hand in order to cerement their bet.

The childish giddy they share over the it last for a few seconds before a dark thought crosses her mind. “I love you.” Clarke says seriously. A sort of desperate need clawing at her to make Niylah understand. One that takes the former Trikru woman off guard. “You know that right. That I love you.” The whole bet things sounds like its going to be fun. But the reason behind it nags at her. Her insecurities about not being good enough rearing their ugly heads as she wonders that maybe she isn’t being a good partner.

She knows she has never really been one for public displays. Her time as a leader meant her every action was monitored and judged. And the whole fiasco with Finn and Raven made the dropship sometimes feel like she was just everyone’s own personal entertainment. After that, she tried to not be as open with her feelings towards others.

And as her duties took on more responsibilities and more eyes on her the need to bury that side of her from them before it could be used against her started to prevail. With Lexa, both of them were in a similar position and they understood it.

Although Niylah understands why she was never really open and lovey dovey with her she always tried to show her care and affection with the others around in different ways. Saving the more personal aspects for when they were alone and away from prying eyes.

She’s getting better about being more open but now she’s starting to if she was just making herself believe that. She’s never wanted Niylah to think that she needed to hide their relationship or that she was lesser than Lexa.

Leaning forward Niylah cups her face and kisses her sweetly. “I know you do. I’ve never doubted your feelings for me. I love you too.” Niylah kisses her again. This time lingering and tightening her hold on Clarke. “Now I believe you said something about doing that thing with your tongue.”

Chuckling into Niylah’s neck she pushes the older woman back down into the furs. And quickly removing her shirt. “Only if you promise not to wake up the camp just to win this bet.” That is also an awful way to tell everyone. One where she might never leave this tent again in fear of having to face the others.

Niylah scoffs in amusement. “Please out of the two of us, you’re the loud one,” Niylah replies settling more into the fur blankets.

Clarke nips at her skin earning a quiet hiss. “Shush or I won’t do it.” They both laugh one final time before Clarke leans down to capture Niylah’s lips before slowly making her way down the taller woman’s body.

Chapter Text

Waking up to the sight of Niylah resting peacefully tangled around her is a sight she is becoming more and more used to but never losing its warm buzzing feeling each time. Six years apart from Niylah was difficult. She had slowly become used to waking up beside her and for that to be gone and knowing it would be years before she saw her again was a difficult adjustment.

Even when they were reunited, things were different. There was a distance between them, one they tried to bridge but kept facing different obstacles.

It wasn’t until Niylah confronted her after the whole Primes and Josephine body control thing that she and Niylah had finally come back together. The older woman basically grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the others as soon as they knew that Madi was safe and would be ok.

Niylah had been worried looking at her for any other injuries and when she saw none, she smacked her arm multiple times shouting at her for almost dying again before hugging her and crying into her shoulder. It was a whiplash of emotions. Swiftly followed by Niylah kissing her with a desperation she had never felt from the older woman before.

“Do you ever sleep?” Niylah mumbles trying to nestle more into Clarke’s body pulling the furs tighter around her. Her actions bring a small smile to Clarke’s lips.

Niylah has asked her this question on more than one occasion. It is her way of chastising her: “Why sleep and miss such a beautiful sight laid out next to me?”

An amused breath escapes Niylah as she struggles to open her eyes. “I told you your flirting had gotten better.”

“It’s not flirting when I speak the truth.” She argues completely flirting.

A weak eye roll is directed towards her. “Sure, it’s not.” Niylah shuffles back a little allowing Clarke to lean and down and kiss her good morning. “What time is it,” Niylah asks looking around for her father’s watch. No doubt buried under their clothes somewhere.

“To early to be up and about. I reckon we have another hour before people start daring to venture out of their tents.” Although they have a set routine and lots to get done still most people don’t dare start to leave their tents until around nine.

“Good,” Niylah replies pulling Clarke closer. “Now please stop talking and go back to sleep.” Chuckling Clarke accepts the sleepy cuddles as her mind begins to plan out her tasks for the day. “No thinking just sleeping,” Niylah grumbles earning a louder more sincere laugh.

One of Niylah’s most loveable traits is the fact that she hates the mornings. It was an unexpected surprise she discovered with the grounder woman but one she adores as Niylah is cute and grumpy in the morning. While she is the opposite much to her lover’s annoyance.

It wasn’t long until they heard people starting to emerge and get started on the day. Much to Niylah’s displeasure and Clarke’s amusement. Just as they were about to leave the tent Niylah grabs hold of her hand. “Remember the rules.”

No kissing on the lips, no outright saying anything about their current or past relationship. “Of course, Ai natshana (my moon). I hope you’re ready to lose.”

“It’s too early to start this argument again.” Niylah resorts rubbing her eyes and shoving Clarke out of the tent when she catches sight of the amused grin lining her face.

Barely containing her laughter the two of them begrudgingly make their way over to where it seems everyone else is already eating breakfast. Murphy spots them first that familiar smirk lighting up his face. “Ahhhh our Princess has decided to finally grace us with her presence.”

“Shut up Murphy.” Clarke snaps back taking her seat and the offered bowl of food from Gaia who flashes her a sympathetic smile. Niylah drops down next to her still not completely awake. She slumps into herself head bowed as she tries to keep herself awake. Clarke can't resist the urge to brush Niylah's hair that is curtaining her face back behind her shoulder. her action drawing a small hint of a sleepy smile from Niylah. Passing her bowl to Niylah to eat first she waits until Gaia dishes out the last portion and accepts her breakfast.

Miller watches as a barely alive Niylah tries and eat as amused about the whole thing as Clarke is. “What’s wrong Niylah drink too much last night.” Them finding a hidden cache of booze was a horrible but great thing.

“A little,” Niylah admits moving her food around in her bowl. “But I mostly blame Klark. She kept me up most of the night.” She says with a hidden small smirk gracing her lips.

Subtle Niylah very subtle.  She isn’t outright saying it, but the people should be able to infer what she means. After all most of them do have a sex life.

Yet it seems to pass right over everyone’s head. “Clarke you should have let Niylah sleep instead of keeping her up.” Octavia scolds threateningly pointing her fork towards her. And it takes everything in her not to burst out laughing. She loves her friends. She really does. But how.

Fighting back a smirk she shrugs her shoulders. “I didn’t hear her complaining.” In fact, if her memory is correct it was the vast opposite.

“And you never will,” Niylah mutters quietly in agreement next to her. But only loud enough for her to hear.

Octivia’s not hearing and somehow not understanding narrows her eyes towards Clarke. “Please Niylah is too nice and thoughtful to ever complain. You need to be more mindful of your nightly habits. Think about Niylah next time.”

Ignoring Niylah’s mumbled 'Don’t' Clarke smugly replies to Octavia. “Trust me Octavia I’m always thinking about Niylah. Especially during my... nightly habits. She would kill me otherwise.” She also better be the one Niylah is thinking about during this as well otherwise they will need to have a serious talk.

Groaning Niylah shakes her head. A light blush appears on her cheeks which she tries to hide. “Kill is such a strong reaction. I wouldn’t do that.”

This time she can’t stop the sly smirk tilting the corner of her lips. “But you would punish me.” She says leaning towards Niylah who can’t help but bashfully blush even more.

“Only because you would like it.” Niylah shoots back just as quickly.

“We should get to work. We have a lot to do today.” Indra interrupts just before Clarke could respond. Leaving the two of them to bask in their gaiety. The former general begins handing out tasks before sending them on their way. Indra has taken the role of leader as they begin to build their new lives here.

Quickly eating her breakfast, she kisses Niylah’s cheek before darting off to catch up with Echo and Murphy as the three of them are on wood duty. Most people have already started to wander to go about their day.

Her girlfriend on the other hand first duty of the day is washing up which allows her to laze around the camp and savour her breakfast for a little bit longer. She should have made the same bet as Niylah. She would kill to switch to that job rather than chopping down trees.

For most of her morning, Clarke is stuck trying to think of ways to get people to call them out without being obvious about it. Her mind whirling about how to win the bet without cheating. But she just comes up blank. Yeah, she could change in the ways she shows affection towards Niylah but that would feel fake even. It wouldn't be real affection but things she meticulously planned out. That's is her showing her love but rather her trying to take control and she doesn’t want that in their relationship.

Plus, Niylah would definitely count that as cheating. The whole point is for them to be them and see how long it takes people to click. Plus Niylah would get upset with her about their sudden distance and withdraw from her which is something is she not going to risk happening.

By the time lunch rolls around her group had made some decent progress on wood. At this rate, they should have the first cabins built in a few weeks. It would be nice to not have to sleep in a tent again.

And to have a proper bed. God does she miss having a bed.

Lunch was more scattered than breakfast or dinner. With everyone absolved in their tasks, it’s more a just come and get it when ready rather than a set time. When she arrives with Echo and Murphy she is pleasantly surprised to see that Niylah and Emori are already there as well.

Murphy happily calls out to them moving to hug and kiss Emori while she takes a spot next to a more alive version of Niylah. “Hey, how was your morning.”

“Easy," Niylah replies more lively. "What about you.”

“We made some decent progress. It won’t be long until we have our own private cabin.” They will need to start scouting out where everyone wants their new homes to be. She would prefer to be a little bit further away from everyone else.

But she will listen to Niylah’s thoughts about this after all this is their cabin. However, she will fight for the right to put up some of her drawings on the wall. She can’t just stare at blank walls. Even on the ark she always made sure to hang her picture up and swap them around so it never grew old. And in her cell, she covered the whole thing in as many images of the earth as she could.

Something about the blankness of the walls always made her feel uneasy.

Niylah goes to reply but is cut off by Echo chiming in. “You’re bunking with Niylah again.” The former Azegda spy looks between her and Niylah. “Raven will be pissed. She called dibs on sharing with you next.”

Raven is really keen on being her bunkmate. Strange... she wonders why.

“I thought everyone was getting their own cabin.” Emori cuts in sounding just as surprised as Echo at the living arrangements.

She and Niylah side eye each other trying to think of how best to respond to that while within the rules of the bet. “Me and Klark are sharing by choice,” Niylah answers back. “Just like you and Murphy.” Her partner puts an extra emphasis on the like you and Murphy part.

Something flickers in Emori’s eyes and Clarke leans forward almost in anticipation of what the woman might say next. Only for Echo to beat her to it. “Well, I for one will be glad to have my own space again. I love Raven to death but sharing a tent with her is hell. For someone so organised she is so messy.”

That gets a few laughs from the group. And whatever passed through Emori’s mind at what Niylah said vanishes along with it.

So close.

“Klark’s more of a neat... freak.” Niylah shoots back but looks at her to see if she got the term right. Except she is greeted with an offended look which only fuels her amusement.

She is not a neat freak. Just because she likes her area to be clean and uncluttered does not make her a neat freak. Niylah is a neat and tidy person as well, but she is calling her a neat freak... no.

Murphy laughs at this. “I expected nothing less from our Princess. She would always be on everyone’s cases back at the dropship. I think she almost killed one guy who moved around her medical supplies.”

“Richie,” Clarke says remembering the older teen who thought she wouldn’t notice if he took some of her makeshift painkillers. But when he took them, he like an idiot forgot where he picked them up from after rifling through all her things and just started putting everything back in random places. Something that stressed her out when she discovered it.

He was killed during the battle with Onya’s army defending the walls. The others send her a weird look. All but Niylah that is. “What...” She asks looking around. “I remember every member of the hundred.”

Murphy goes to say something as the mood starts to shift around them. Only to stop when Raven, Octavia and Gaia appear from their tasks ready for lunch.

The previous shifting mood going back to light heartiness from before. Yet Niylah still nudges her side. The silent question of 'Are you okay?' Nodding she rests her head on Niylah’s shoulder as the woman places her hand over Clarke’s in-between intertwining their fingers offering whatever comfort Clarke needs right now.

The 100 were her people. The first ones she fought for. The ones she killed for and did everything she could to keep them safe. Now there are only five of them still alive. Most of them died to grounders, then the mountain.

After lunch, everyone goes back to their tasks before they finish just before dinner. Normally this time is used to chill before everyone gathers for food and talk about their day hanging around together until they sneak off to bed one by one.

Normally she would use this time to draw or explore the area. Sometimes Niylah would come and join her but most of the time she just used this time for herself. Today she found herself sitting on one of the large rocks near the lake drawing the dragonfly she saw hovering over the water. Deciding to enjoy the nice summer’s day before winter starts to take its toll on everything.

Hopefully by then they should have all the cabins built and the camp fully running. The summer days are starting to draw to a close, but she believes they will have enough time to get everything set up.

She’s about partway through capturing its wings when she feels someone watching her. “Bilaik ai thru (Your staring).” Clarke calls out not bothering to look up from her notepad. The familiar feelings washing over her.

“Ha na ai nou gon baliak a meizen sinnes (How could I not at such an enchanting sight).” Niylah greets climbing up next to her with a smile and looking over her work.

“Nau chon ste boda op (Now whose the flirt).” Clarke shoots back finally looking up from her drawing to focus on Niylah.

“Chit na ai biyo yu don Ai manilk (What can I say you have me enthralled.)” Niylah remarks with that loving look on her face that makes Clarke melt inside.

“Ai fig raun ai laik won manilk (I think I’m the one enthralled.)" It’s why she always kept going back to Niylah’s trading hut rather than keep moving which would have been the smart thing to do. “Yu don Ai bob tika Oso hit op (you had me hooked the moment we met).”

Niylah giggles shyly as she leans forward and rests their heads together.  “I told you your flirting had improved.” Niylah jests pulling back away but still remains close to Clarke. “And you're better at picking it up now.”

It was no secret back when Clarke was living in her self-exile and would head into Niylah’s trading post for supplies that there had been some subtle flirting going on between them in her many visits to the trading hut. Mostly initiated by Niylah but Clarke was always quick to play along.

Not that anything really became of it due to Clarke's fear of being caught or recognised had her leaving as quickly as possible. At least not until Roan and that other bounty hunter showed up. Knowing that Niylah knew who she was all along helped ease some of the fear she had surrounding the two of them.

In fact, it led to a new openness between them. One that led to them finally giving in to their desires for each other that night. “You say that as if I was never flirting back with you.”

“You flirted then disappeared into the night. Sometimes it was hard to tell if you even noticed we were flirting or not.”

“Oh, trust me I knew. I just didn’t want you to get hurt because of me.” Clarke then remembers what Kane had told her when he first arrived in Poils. How he Monty, Bellamy Pike and Indra had tracked her down to the trading post and stumbled upon the other bounty hunter beating Niylah for information on her. “Which you did.” Guilt begins to fester within again at the memory.

Horrific images played in her mind of what might have happened had Kane and the others not arrived on time to protect Niylah.

A had cupping her cheek stops those thoughts. “I’m okay Klark. We’re both safe here now.”

“You could have died because of me.” It’s a fear both of them have always been aware of. The constant fear of losing each other as each threat came and went taking people they care about with them each time.

Yet somehow the two of them have managed to make it this far.

“And you were captured because of me,” Niylah replies her admission not making sense with Clarke. How was it Niylah’s fault that she was captured? Niylah did everything she could to protect her. She holds no blame for what occurred. “I was purposely slow with getting your stuff.” Niylah continues. “I wanted you to stay longer. So, I delayed you as much as I could just to spend more time with you. If I hadn’t have done that you would have been gone before the bounty hunters arrived.”

Looking back at it she does remember feeling a little anxious that Niylah was taking longer than usual. How she was offered the drink for the first time. But she put all that down to the fact that a panther was a more difficult animal to skin and separate into its uses then a deer was.

She never thought that Niylah was being purposely slow just to get to talk to her some more. Maybe Niylah has a point on her not being able to pick up flirting as well as she thought.

“I’m glad you delayed,” Clarke admits taking hold of Niylah’s hand. “That night with you was the first time I felt like a human in months.” And she doesn’t just mean the sex. But everything about it. About them. The time they spent talking to each other without the previous barriers being between them.

For the first time since properly being on the ark before her father’s death, she felt safe. She felt free and not buried in the weight of everything.

Even when she knew she couldn’t stay she couldn’t bring herself to leave either. Not until her nightmares took a hold of her and she didn’t want to wake Niylah up to help her deal with her shit.

Clarke brushes her nose against Niylah’s. “Should we delay heading back for dinner?"

Niylah’s answer comes in the response of closing the small gap between them and kissing her. A gesture Clarke is all too happy to return with enthusiasm.

When their kissing begins to turn into something much more pleasurable Niylah pulls back a little allowing Clake to lavish her neck in attention. “The other will realise we’re missing,” Niylah tells her through rapid breaths.

Chuckling into Niylah’s skin Clarke barely stops to reply. “With how dense they are about us I doubt they will put it together.” One of the perks of them not seeing what is clearly happening in front of them. They won't be able to make jokes and jests at their expense

“And if they come looking for us,” Niylah argues while she slips her hand into Clarke’s short hair bringing Clarke’s attention back up towards her lips.

“Then you’ll win the bet and people will know.” Clarke simply tells her before reclaiming her older woman’s lips.

Just as she can feel Niylah giving in to her request and just saying fuck it, they hear Octavia calling out to them. “Clarke, Niylah there you are we were wondering where you two had disappeared to. Dinners ready and everyone’s hungry.”

“I hate our friends.” Clarke groans irritated at Octavia’s horribly timed arrival. She rests her head on Niylah’s shoulder to hide her face from the approaching girl while Niylah keeps her back turned to O as they both try to calm our breathing.

Niylah nips at her thigh earning a small yelp from Clarke as Niylah shouts back to Octavia. “We’ll be there in a minute.”

Clarke debates whether they should leave or just continue and tell O to tell the other to eat without them. The temptation to do just that builds. However, Niylah being the reasonable and responsible one presses one last kiss to her lips before detangling them. And climbing down for their perch.

“Are you guys coming or not,” Octavia shouts as Clarke moves to follow Niylah.

“Evidently not,” Clarke grumbles beneath her breath as she lands on the gravel path with a small thud.

Niylah's laughter fills the air as she raises an eyebrow at the bawdy comment in amusement. “I’ll make it up to you later.” She promises brushing against Clarke's shoulder. “This was just our practice run.”

Clarke can’t help but smile at that. Before all of this when the two of them were interrupted by anyone and neither felt like admitting what they had been doing. Mainly when her mother called over the radio. They would always use the excuse that they were practising together. Most people left it at that but some inquired about practicing what. Which one of them would then spit out a random lie ranging from teaching Niylah to shoot a gun, medical things, hunting things or Trigedasleng.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Clarke promises quietly.

“What are you guys doing out here anyways,” Octavia asks as they approach. The dark-haired woman looks between the two of them like a puzzle she can't quite solve.

The two shades of blonde side-eye each other. “Practising.” They both mutter in perfect harmony walking past Octavia and giggling to each other. Behind them, a visibly confused Octavia watches them for a few moments before shrugging and following after them inquiring about their day.

Chapter Text

Following the first day of the bet, Clarke watched on in a strange type of fascinating intrigue as the people around her revealed themselves to be clueless idiots. She dreads to think how this group managed to save the human race multiple times. It must have been pure luck or divine intervention because everyone here is just so blind.

Blind to the point Clarke has sworn multiple times that her friends have to be messing with them. There is no other reason as to how she and Niylah have been getting away with this for three days and no one has blinked twice at them. Never mind calling them out on it.

Instances that couldn’t be simply brushed off as them just being close friends. Comments that when right over the tops of people’s heads and actions that drew a few eyes but nothing else.

The whole thing leads to Clarke having a small rant in her tent with Niylah as the other woman watches on in amusement as she is slowly losing her mind. This is the start of her slow but long overdue descent into madness. It’s not even about the bet anymore. She is simply worried about how oblivious everyone truly is.

“I mean Raven I can accept as she had her mind fried by an emp like me but still even before that she never realised; I was flirting with her. Octavia too. Which again I can understand. She had only just come out from the floor and her attention was on the guys, not me and it was over quickly. But HOW... How is no one seeing us? I’m pretty sure I could just kiss you in front of everyone and they would be just like oh Clarke and Niylah are practicing CPR how nice. It’s driving me insane.”

“I can tell.” Niylah manages to reply in a somewhat steady voice as she is barely able to contain herself from bursting out laughing as Clarke paces up and down the small space of their tent. Hands moving in rapid succession to her words as she burns the restless energy residing in her.

Actions that normally Niylah finds as endearing as she does amusing but after a solid thirty spent watching Clarke wear a hole into their tent, she starts to feel a little sick. Niylah makes a mental note to make sure their bedroom in their new cabin has enough space for Clarke to be able to do this.

Or maybe a special hallway Clarke could claim to pace up and down when she gets overwhelmed with things.

After a few more minutes of Clarke's rants, Niylah finally puts an end to it having reached her limit. “Please stop pacing your starting to make me feel dizzy.”

Clarke freezes instantly in her stride not even realising she was pacing to begin with. “Sorry.” She mumbles in embarrassment before kneeling down on the furs next to Niylah. “But I do have a point.”

Niylah silences whatever rant she was about to start upon again with a lingering kiss. “You do and I love that you’re so passionate about things. But please can we go to bed now.” She implores Clarke to settle down as the tiredness of the day begins to settle in.

“Right... sorry.” Clarke quickly clambers under the covers as Niylah reaches up to turn their lantern off. Lying down on her back Clarke stares off into the darkness thinking about other things her friends have missed.

Like the moment when she said Niylah was extremely cute when she's drunk as she jumps from spurting all the things she loves about Clarke to clinging on to her like a kola and refusing to budge even an inch to get into bed properly. The first time she met drunk Niylah, Clarke felt her heart melt. And that feeling hasn’t left in all the times afterwards. Something else she admitted but no one seemed to take in the correct context. Nor did they understand what she was saying when-

Niylah’s annoyed voice peaks through the silence interrupting Clarke’s continued rant in her head. “Klark...” Niylah draws out in a quiet almost defeated voice. “Please stop thinking and hold me.”

Scrambling to the side she throws herself around Niylah pushing up close to her and holding her tightly. Niylah instantly relaxes into her hold letting out a small sigh of contentment.

Guilt begins to claw its way through Clarke at knowingly causing some discomfort to Niylah. “Sorry.” She apologizes again pressing a kiss to Niylah’s shoulder in penance for her inactions.

The two of them lay there comfortably wrapped around each other waiting for sleep to take them. Yet Clarke can’t turn off her mind. It’s still whizzing with more questions and new disbelief. Each one adding a new pricking to her skin as she begins to feel fidgety.

Back at the dropship, there was a hyper fixation on her and Finn. Everyone knew about them even when they weren’t a thing everyone knew what was going on. Sometimes the camp knew more about what was happening then she was.

Yet here it is the opposite. It seems more like people are going out of their way to purposely ignore what is happening. Not that she wants everyone hyper fixated on her and Niylah that would be uncomfortable and invasive. But she would like their relationship to at least be acknowledged like the other ones in the camp.

She wants to be able to talk to Raven and Octavia without feeling like she’s holding on to a huge secret. She wants to poke fun and Murphy and then have him turn the tables on her. Wants to sit with Miller and talk to each other about their significant halves with fear or remorse.

She doesn’t want to hide the way she feels about Niylah. Which again that isn’t what she’s doing but with how everyone else is acting it feels like she is.

Biting her lips she struggles to understand how this is causing her more stress than war with Trikru or the mountain. How is this the thing that is finally tipping her over the scales after she survived the end of the world. That doesn’t make any sense.

They remain like that for a few more minutes until Niylah groans loudly pulling away from Clarke who whines at the sudden distance. Niylah reaches back up to turn the lantern back on pulling herself up into a sitting position and crossing her arms. “Neither of us are sleeping it seems until you’ve got this all out of your system.” Niylah glares at her half serious half amused and lovingly. “Rant away.” She says with a flick of her hand.

A wave of adoration washes over her at Niylah’s understanding. It isn’t the first time this has happened, but she loves that Niylah understands her enough to let her do this without growing annoyed or frustrated as others have done in the past.

“I love you.” Clarke gleefully admits pressing a peck to Niylah’s lips promising to make up to her another day before diving right back into her tirade with all the new points she has thought about while trying to sleep. All the while Niylah sits there watching her in endearment shaking her head.

The next day Raven had grabbed her and Octavia for some original hundred girly times as she pointed out was long overdue after the day’s tasks were done and dragged her and O away from everyone out to the creak where the three of them were lounging around.

Echo's response to being excluded from this little get together was to grab Niylah and Gaia to do the same somewhere else. Emori was invited but she decided to spend the time with Murphy instead. Everyone could guess what they were up to.

Yet when she and Niylah do the same no one bats an eye. A blessing and a curse really.

She assumed Raven wanted to talk to them about something important given how she forcibly dragged her and Octavia away in a frenzy. But no all she wanted to do was lounge around and chill. Slightly dramatic in getting them here but worth it. It’s been forever since the three of them just hung out with each other with that doesn’t include war planning or saving humanity from alienation.

“You’re an artist right Clarke,” Raven asks in the middle of a totally unrelated conversation.

The question catches her off guard as she looks between Raven and O before answering. “Yeah.” Art is one of the only things to help keep her mind from falling apart from everything and most people by now know when she is drawing to leave her alone. With the exception of Niylah of course.

Another point relaying the truth of their relationship which just flies over everyone’s heads.

“Do you think you could design a tattoo for me?” Raven asks lying on her back and staring up at the clear blue skies.

Clarke takes back what she thought about Raven not dragging out here for something important. That wasn’t what she was expecting. But for once it’s a nice surprise. Who knew they existed? “I’m sure I could.” She affirms growing excited at the prospect of designing a tattoo. She hasn’t done that before.

She has designed a clan symbol but that was more of a panicked we need something to wave around while meeting the twelve clans for the first time as they prepared for the mountain. She didn’t really expect it to stick but it did.

Looking back if she had more time, she would have done a lot of things differently but like she said it was a rushed thing, and she was trying to keep it pretty simple but still different from the other clans. Maybe she can create a logo for them now.

Oh, and put it on a flag around their settlement and have it on a banner somewhere. That would be cool. She will ask Indra if that is possible later. Something to distract her from everything else. Looking back at Raven she pushes that thought to the back of her mind for now. “Can I ask why you want a tattoo?”

“Yeah, I’ve never heard you talk about getting one before,” Octavia adds on equally as curious as to what caused the sudden shift.

Raven casually shrugs. “I just see everyone else’s and think they are cool.” That’s fair. She had a similar thought the first time she saw Onya’s and then the other grounders. Niylah’s and Lexa’s specially made her think about it.

But she didn’t know what she could wear that would hold such a significance to her. Both Niylah, Lexa and even every grounder she met with had them designed to mean something important to them. A trial or tribulation they had to overcome, or something meant to honour their tribes or people who have died. The closest she came up with was the number one hundred across her inner wrist to remember the hundred she came down with.

However, just the three numbers didn’t seem enough to remember everyone who died. She wanted something larger. Something more meaningful to her.

Lexa’s was created for her conclave. A way to remember those who fell and remind her why she does what she does. The test of strength and will she had endured before coming into her role of the commander. Her resilience to live with what happened and to move forward.

Niylah’s on the other hand was a symbol of her loyalty to Trikru. The mark of her tribe. The one she had chosen to follow and believe in. Having grown up with Trikru and Azegda parents with tensions between the two clans was higher than ever she was forced to pick to stand with one of the clans.

And she picked the clan of her father and the land they lived on.

Octavia's own tattoos follow the same route as most people. Their younger friend begins to open up about her own tattoos to them. How it made her feel accepted and feel like somebody when she was accepted into Trikru. How it was like finally finding her people. The acceptance in that after spending years of hiding who she was in fear of death.

Trikru gave her a sense of purpose and fulfilment and her tattoos are a mark of that. A reminder of who she is.

How her tattoos also helped her feel closer to Lincoln. That when she had them it felt like she still held on to a part of him. How they gave her the strength and courage to push forward despite all the setbacks and crises they faced. How sometimes she used to trace the ink and pretend it was him doing it as she used to do to his tattoos.

Clarke nods in agreement to that sentiment having done similar things in the past. Especially when things got tough. “I get that. Sometimes when I’m stressed or worried, I trace Niylah’s. It helps soothe my mind. We both find it relaxing.”

A flicker of a smile pokes at the corner of her lips at the memory of Niylah first admitting she likes it when Clarke does that. How that act seemed more intimate to the both of them then sex did.

During their time apart in the valley Clarke will admit she drew a replicate of Niylah’s tattoo and when the nights were long and seemed unable to take a hold of her, she would trace the charcoal drawing in a similar manner.

It was the closest she got to Niylah without being near the woman. Niylah had laughed and called her a ‘trijus’ (sap) when she first admitted that. And yeah, it was pretty sappy but in her defence, the woman she loved was buried underground and hidden away from her for six years so she thinks she’s allowed to be a little sappy when she missed so much.

Out of these two deep talks about tattoos and their meanings Clarke hates that she isn’t surprised that the only thing Raven really lingered on was the fact that “Niylah has a tattoo.” Raven asks inquisitively.

Holding back her sigh of disbelief she leans back on her hands. “Yeah, it's along her back.”

Raven’s head tilts in a confused manner. The way it does when she comes across a problem she can’t immediately figure out. “So, you just stroke her back and she accepts.” She asks with a hint of scepticism.

“I sometimes do it to help put her to sleep,” Clarke admits with no sign of embarrassment over her and Niylah’s actions. Why would she be? As Niylah’s girlfriend, she has the right to trace her tattoo. Just Niylah would have that same right if the roles were reversed. “A win win for both of us.”

“Wouldn’t her shirt ruin the feeling though?” Raven asks still not seeing the obvious answer to that.

Clarke blinks once. Then again... then again for good measure.

Yet with each blink, the mystified looks on both Raven and Octavia’s faces refuses to change. Swallowing her annoyance at their wilful blindness she manages to reply in a somewhat neutral tone hiding her irritation at them still not picking up on any of this. “I never said she was wearing a shirt. Most of the time she isn’t when we’re in bed anyways.” Clarke utters waiting for them to say something. To click. Come on guys think. Why would Niylah be shirtless in their bed?

It’s not a secret that both of them have laid with women before. Why would do woman who have openly talked about sleeping with other woman be in bed together without shirts on as one strokes the other's back.

Raven bites her lips thinking about something. And Clarke begins to feel hope rise in her chest. Come on Raven you’re the smartest person alive. Put two and two together and you get four. Just do the simple maths. You can do it.

“I’m still not as comfortable with showing off my body as grounders are,” Raven confesses looking off down the creak missing the moment Clarke’s hopes and dreams shatter and burn.

“Yeah, me either.” Octavia laughs also missing the moment Clarke swears she loses part of her sanity. Or what little remains of it. Her eye twitches in a way it never has before as she contemplates her very existence. “I’m a lot better than when we first landed but still nudity for them is so different to us.”

And just like that the conversation moves on with Clarke internally screaming. Niylah is going to be so annoyed that she will have to endure another night of her ranting about the pure idiocy of the people they live with.

But she would like to understand how this does not resonate with anyone. It has to be a prank. It’s the only logical explanation. The group is pranking the two of them and seeing which one of them will crack first. No one can possibly be this obvious.

Later on, when everyone has headed off to their tents again to rest does Clarke rant as she said she would do. Clarke raves manically about the conversation to Niylah who can barely hold back her laughter. Bursting out when Clarke told her she said to Raven and Octavia that when they go to sleep Niylah is naked in her bed and they still failed to miss what was happening.

They also failed to miss the fact they are sharing a bed. Not sharing a tent but sharing a bed. Big difference.

The sound of Niylah’s highly amused laugh was the only thing to stop Clarke from pulling out her own hair in frustration. Frustration that turns into her own confusion as Niylah then relays a somewhat similar occurrence that happened when she spent that part of the day with Gaia and Echo.

A story that makes Clarke begin to question a lot of her past interactions.

Chapter Text

Raven seemed incredibly determined to have some time alone with just the original members of Skaikru. Niylah watched in amusement as both Klark and Octavia were dragged off to who knows where by an over eager Raven.

She even gave a little wave to Klark who struggled against her kidnapper’s grips looking at her with those mystical blue eyes begging her for help. The betrayed look Klark sent her made her laugh into her hand disguising it as a cough. She knows Klark will act all annoyed with her later about this.

Well, this and how clueless everyone around them seems to be. An astute acknowledgement she will agree to. Seemingly everyone in this camp has agreed upon ignoring all aspects of her and Klark’s relationship in the romantic sense.

How that’s possible is something she cannot fathom. Not to the point that Klark can’t but it’s still pretty close. And while the whole thing drives Klark to the brink of insanity, she can’t help the laugh at it.

Though she would prefer to be able to go to bed a night without Klark needing to vent her frustrations over the day.

Deep down Niylah understands why the whole thing bothers her so much. Even when Klark tries to deny it. Wells was Klark’s best friend before his death. The one person she could always rely on. Someone she trusted more than anything. With his passing, she looked for that same closeness with others. Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Monty. But there was always some sort of conflict happening between them for them to really become close.

Bellamy was her best friend on the ground. Her fellow leader the heart to her head she used to say. But there were times that even he turned on her. That everyone turned on her just as she had turned on them.

But throughout all of that, they still cared about each other. Enough so to be able to open up with each other. Now Bellamy is dead, and this camp is made up of people she has known for years yet not one of them understands Klark. Apart from her of course.

Them failing to recognize their relationship rolls into Klark’s dark mindset. The one she had fought so hard against for years. That Klark’s friends were never really her friends. That Klark was just their leader to them who bailed them out of tough situations then bailed leaving her to pick up the remains of her tattered heart.

Talking to Klark about her time on the ground and her role as leader made Niylah realise just how much everything affected her. Well, that and the nightmares. The way she used to wake up crying or screaming was sort of a giveaway to how she was really feeling while acting like the strong leader she was. It all ate away at her until there was barely anything left of Klark remaining.

She herself didn’t truly realise just how much Klark was suffering until Madi accidentally told her. It was an innocent question on Niylah’s behalf. Back when they were preparing for war with the Eligius prisoners, before Madi was made to become Heda Klark had asked if she could watch Madi for her while she and the others tried to stop the brewing war.

Not Klark’s exact words but she knew that is what she meant. Looking after the daughter of Wanheda would have been seen as a great honour among her people. For her it was more the assurance of unspoken trust between the two that she took more pride in.

She and Madi had been in her makeshift library when she noticed Madi frowning and staring off into the distance. She had decided to ask the girl some questions. Maybe if she was honest with herself, she wanted Madi to admit what she was to her. That if Madi told her she was a true Natblida she could advise the girl to tell Octavia before the issue was forced as Klark refused to budge on the matter.

So, she had asked the girl what it was like living in Eden with Klark. She had expected to hear about her Klark, but the way Madi described how Klark was with her for those six years as a vastly different person to the one she had fallen in love with.

Yes, there were moments when that person flickered through. When she saw a glimpse of what Klark might be like to live in a world without the burden of leadership weighing her down. How she had tried so hard to draw that person out of Klark when she could savouring each time Klark let one of her walls fall revealing more of the woman underneath.

But to hear six years' worth of that person was something she was unprepared to hear. To know that during those six years, Klark was constantly stress-free, laughing, joking, messing around and sounding simply happy hurt.

It hurt her in a way Niylah wasn’t prepared for. Klark had flourished on the surface. Sounded happier than she had ever believed Klark to be possible of being. And she missed it. She missed the happy carefree Klark. Missed out on being the only person able to drag that out of her.

Each time she did before it felt like an accomplishment. Like she could do something that very few could do. Now to hear that for six years Klark lived in that state without her killed her a little. The reminder that Klark didn’t need her to be happy stung.

That Klark could have so easily moved on with her life without Niylah around, yet it took years for her to be able to function the same without Klark’s comforting presence.

Of course that wasn’t true. Klark had told Niylah of how she suffered without her for all those years and all the little things she did in a way to keep her close to her heart. But at the time she didn’t know that.

Hearing everything Madi said she could do nothing but smile through the pain and assure the girl that soon Klark would deal with their enemies and they could all go back to how they were. Yet it was Madi who tilted her head in confusion. Asking what she meant by that Klark would deal with them.

Fearing she had accidentally told the girl Klark was going to wipe them out she tried to explain that Klark would defeat them or make peace with them just as she did with Trikru, the mountain, Allie, Azegda and even Praimfaya. There was nothing that could come their way that Klark couldn't overcome.

Only her answer seemed to confuse Madi even more as the girl narrowed her eyes at her and asked what Klark had to do with any of that. Niylah was stunned into silence wondering just how much Madi knew about everything that happened. Maybe Klark didn't open up about all the things that had happened during her time on the ground. Then Madi informed her that it was Bellamy, Octavia and Raven who had done all that. Not Klark.

Klark had barely included herself in those stories instead making everyone else seem like they were the heroes while she remained to the side and only helped a little. Madi had pushed her for the truth and so Niylah told her everything. The truth of every event and how it was Klark who saved them time and time again. She was the hero in the story. Not the villain she had tried to sell herself as most of the time.

It was that conversation that started to make her aware of just how badly Klark was really handling things. How as things kept getting worse she watched Klark spiral more and more into desperation that she only truly started to understand when it was too late.

Her loyalty to Klark and Octavia was split and the whole fractions thing was tearing her apart. But not as much as it was tearing Klark apart. Looking back, she wished she had reached out faster. That she didn’t wait so long to get involved.  It wasn’t until after the Primes that the two of them really talked about everything. She should have pushed to do it sooner.

Maybe things would have been different if she had.

But there are a lot of what ifs when looking back. Lots of ways to drive yourself crazy trying to think about how everything could have been different. Instead of looking back, she decided to live in the moment. That was how she lived. How she pushed Klark to try to do it instead of drowning in her past actions or mistakes.

Niylah smiles at this moment. Her growing friendship with Echo and Gaia. Two people she never would have befriended before Praimfaya. Now two people she can’t imagine not being in her life.

 A smile that fades when after some joking Echo asks Gaia out of everyone in camp if she had to be with any of them which one it would be. A stupid question but one that made the three of them laugh.  

Right until Gaia very quickly and firmly names Klark as the one she would pick. Going as far as to add on that she used to have a crush on Klark

Niylah's face dropped. Not enough for the others to notice too lost in gushing and laughing over what Gaia just admitted to pick it up. But enough for Niylah to feel it fall. “Wait... Klark.” My Klark, she adds on mentally almost saying the words as well in disbelief.

Gaia unaware of the bomb she just dropped nodded happily. “Oh yeah. I had a massive crush on Klark, but Madi caught on and told me Klark was sort of with someone else.” Gaia shrugs in a what can you do manner. “I accepted it and moved on. It stung but hey what can you do when the other person isn’t interested.”

Niylah blinks slowly. The words repeating over and over again in her head.

Echo thoughtfully hums to herself. “I wonder who Madi was talking about. You would think that person would be here with us now.” She wonders out loud leaning back and wrapping an arm around her knee contemplating about who this mysterious person might be.

All the while oblivious to the person sitting right next to them lost in thought. Maybe Klark wasn't going over the top after all.

Remaining silent she lets this discussion play out. Gaia also looks deep in thought at what Echo said.  “They might have died.” She reasonably supplies. Well, reasonable if it wasn’t so obvious that she was said person, and they are all just unable to pick up on the very clear relationship taking place in front of them.

A sombre mood flickers over them at the thought.

“Oh...” Echo stammers. “Good point... still I feel like we would have noticed someone new around our group.”

Their group has always been a little closed off. Yes, new people come all the time and join them but it is still a pretty small circle and if someone did appear and then disappear everyone would be very aware of that.

Gaia reaches out grabbing Echo in support. “Who in our group has recently died.” She poses it like a question but a question she already knows the answer to. “Bellamy and Diyoza.”

Niylah’s eyes widen a fraction at the insulation. The realisation as to why Gaia is holding on to Echo’s land dawns her on.  Oh no... That’s not good.

“You think...” Echo begins timidly refusing to ask the question the two of them are thinking. Instead, she goes with the second option. “Clarke and Dioyza... I guess that would make a little sense.” She mutters more to herself then to them.

Niylah takes this moment to jump in before it can go any further. With certainty, she assures them, “It wasn’t Diyzoa. Klark and her were never a thing. Trust me on that. Nor was it Bellamy.” She nips that in the bud before it could develop.

Echo lets out a long sigh of relief. One Niylah internally shares with her. “Oh, so you know,” Echo asks with a hint of pleading in her tone. To make it real and that the thing she was thinking was just that. A silly little thought.

She herself had once thought the same but both Klark and Bellamy pulled her aside and made it perfectly clear that was not happening nor would it ever. They were best friends and partners. That is it. If anything, Bellamy was more like her brother then a potential lover.

Even saying the words made her shiver with disgust muttering it was ike Finn thinking about her and Wells were like that again. Which prompted her to ask about Wells and learning about the boy Klark called her brother in all but blood.

“Yes,” Niylah tells them leaving no room for anyone to disagree or distrust her on the matter.

“Are you going to tell us,” Gaia asks eagerly looking towards her for information on who this person might be.

The desire to scream that it’s her builds but she manages to push that down. Instead, she calmly says, “When you pay attention is very obvious.”

They had tried to ply her for more information but she refused to comment on it anymore then she had done already. After a while, they gave up and the conversation moved on. Still, the knowledge that there was a time when Gaia was interested in Klark that way and neither she nor Klark picked up on it stuck with her.

After dinner, she had all but dragged Klark back to their tent needing to tell her what they learned. Klark had ranted about her own experience with Octavia and Raven and hearing how Klark basically told them they were sleeping together, and it still went over their head did cheer her up.

They might have missed Gaia’s feelings which is slightly more understandable then how Octavia and Raven missed that.

Clarke seemed even more taken aback then she was when she first learnt this. “Wait... Gaia liked me... I never picked up on that.”

For someone who has worked themselves up so much over other people unable to pick up on them something about seeing Klark now so perplexed over this tickles her. She cannot keep going on about how blind people are if she couldn’t see Gaia trying to flirt with her.

Because she had to have been flirting or something for Madi to pick up on it.

She can soundly argue that she and Gaia rarely interacted with each other which is why she never noticed. She has a decent enough excuse for not noticing. Klark on the other hand does not.

Klark’s mouth is agape as she stares off into the distance. No doubt going back over as many interactions between herself and Gaia as possible to see how she missed this. “You are bad at picking up when people are flirting with you.” She offers in an effort to make Klark feel better about all of this.

More of a pity help but help, nonetheless.

Klark’s gaze snaps back to her scoffing at the thought. “Shut up no I’m not.”

Raising a single eyebrow, she stares Klark down. “You didn’t realise I was flirting with you for months.” She says slowly making her point very clear.

Klark shifts uncomfortably at the reminder as she grasps for an excuse of her own. “That was different,” Klark argues slipping down to lie next to her locking their hands and holding one to her heart. “I was in the middle of a lot of trauma and complicated feelings for Lexa and Finn and...” Klark trails off for a moment as she nervously flutters over her words, “You.”

“Me.” Klark was dealing with complicated feelings about her.

A small shy smile pokes at the corners of Klark’s lips. “Why do you think I stuck around as long,” Klark asks quietly. “I was being hunted. If I was smart, I would have always been on the move. Yet I couldn’t bear to leave the area you lived in.”

“Was that you trying to flirt with me.” Niylah jokes pressing her head against Klark’s. “Bringing me bodies of the animals you hunted.”

“Maybe...” Klark laughs. “Did they impress you?”

“The panther did.” She admits honestly. Seeing Klark dragging the large feline in did have an effect on her. Especially since this was by far the biggest catch the lighter blonde had made in the months of knowing each other.

“Ohhh. That’s why you slept with me that night.” Klark means it as a joke, but Niylah can see some truth in Klark’s words. The hidden wondering about what helped to ignite the flame between them.

“No...” Though she will admit that did help. But it wasn’t that or even the fact that she brought down the mountain and ended the reaping. Though again that did help. But it was all down to Klark herself. From the little conversations they did have beforehand. To her, it always felt like there was something subtle happening between them. The odd flirtation here and there grows each time she visited. Yet nothing ever really came of it.

Klark was always in such a rush that she never dared to try to stop the young woman from fleeing. She had that night delayed in order to spend some more time around her and then the bounty hunters made it, so Klark had to stay for longer. Giving them the chance to properly talk to one another.  “I just finally had a reason for you to stay around longer than a few minutes.”

“I did always want to stay you know,” Clarke admits almost sheepishly. “To talk to you so more.”

“Why didn’t you,” Niylah asks. There was nothing preventing Klark from conversing with her back then. Expect for Klark herself.

Klark shrugs a little. “I thought it might get you killed. Or you would figure out who I was and betray me.”

“Never.” She vows without prompting. “I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise.”

“Ai swega klin ai deimeika (I promise, my sun).” She mumbles back before kissing Klark sweetly cementing the promise.

Chapter Text

She didn’t see it at first. Too busy getting dressed for the day to really be paying that much attention. Yet she did catch Niylah looking at her with a mixture of pride and guilt. Try as she might Clarke couldn’t figure out what she might have done in the span of waking up to make Niylah feel like that.

While brushing her hair she was replaying all of her interactions with her partner over in her mind when she finally caught a glimpse in the small mirror at what Niylah was so focused on.

“You marked me.” Clarke shrieks catching sight of the purple splodges lining her neck. Large bruises contrasting vastly with her pale skin. her whole neck is an alignment of purples, black and dark blues. All marks left by Niylah feeling the need to wipe away all thoughts of Gaia holding a crush on her at one point. One of the few times Niylah has ever felt possessive over her. It's usually the other way. But she is not this bad.

The only way she would be able to hide the marks would be by wearing a scarf.

“By accident.” Niylah weakly defends her actions mumbling while avoiding Clarke's enraged glare. While looking down at the ground Clarke can pick out the slight curling of Niylah’s lips revealing just how sorry she really is about all this.

Sighing she looks back at the mirror moving it around her neck to get a better view of the very clear bright purple bruises completely marring her neck. “How the fuck am I meant to explain this to the others.” She asks dropping the mirror in frustration.

If her hair was longer, she might have been able to use it as a cover but not now. And she doesn’t owe a scarf or anything like that in order to hide it.

Niylah simply shrugs cringing with regret. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t think.”

“Clearly.” Clarke deadpans flopping back onto their furs. Maybe she could fake being ill. Stay away from everyone for a few days. Just long enough for them to fade and then she can go right back to work.

But no Jackson would come looking needing to make sure she was ok. That it wouldn’t spread and infect anyone else. Though in theory she and Niylah are just as good in terms of medicine and if she has Niylah explain her situation saying she just caught a small bug or cold or something like that maybe Jackson wouldn’t feel the need to come and check on her.

That could also mean that Niylah would be looking after her through her illness giving them a few days alone together without any interruptions... Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Niylah lays down next to her reaching out and interlacing their hands mumbling another apology pressing small kisses to each of her knuckles. “Maybe they won’t notice.” Niylah weakly offers earning another glare in return. “You said it yourself our friends are really oblivious. Maybe what will work in our favour now.”

That would require something working in her favour. When has that ever happened before?

Curling into the older woman’s body she nuzzles into her neck taking comfort in her embrace. Naturally, Niylah engulfs her in her arms pulling Clarke closer and burying her nose into the strands of Clarke’s golden blonde hair.

“I’m still mad at you,” Clarke mumbles into Niylah.

She feels Niylah’s laugh rather than hears it. The Trikru woman vibrates under her tightening her grip on Clarke pressing more kisses into her hair. “I know.” She replies in between kisses soothing the annoyance and worry building in Clarke. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Clarke tells her without hesitation.

Sighing Clarke decides it's better to just get this over with rather than delaying the invertible. The faster she gets this done the faster they can all move on. Bracing herself Clarke follows behind Niylah as they head towards the campfire being the last to arrive.

Naturally, luck was not on her side as everyone took notice of her neck immediately. No one said anything right away, but she felt them all looking. She refused to meet their wondering gazes instead focusing on her bowl of food.

Time dragged on and the awkward silence was slowly getting to her when Murphy finally decided to be the one to break the silence. “Ok, Clarke...” He places his own bowl on the log next to him as everyone listens in anticipation. “What the fuck happened to your neck.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She replies still refusing to look up from her bowl.

“It looks like you’ve been viciously attacked.” Miller all so helpfully comments. Daring to look up she notices the worry in everyone's eyes as they stare at the purple around her neck. The judgement she feels being levelled at her has her avoiding their gaze’s frustration building within her.

For years she took all their judgment, harsh glances and snide comments in silence for her actions. They never let her forget any time they perceived her as a failure or not good enough to be their leader never mind their friend.

Why does it feel like that again? Like she is the odd one out facing harsh critique over things that don’t impact them, yet they still feel the need to make comments and observations.

Stabbing her wooden fork into the bowl with far more force then necessary. “I said,” she grits out quietly, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Whether it was the warning in her words, Niylah’s silent pleading or the others for once respecting her boundaries the group shared one look with each other before dropping the subject. Jordan begins a conversation on the crops he has started to grow and their progress. She is barely hearing what he is saying over the beating of her own heart in her ears.

“They’re not going to let this go are they.” Clarke looks towards Niylah who shakes her head eyes with pleas of forgiveness. Losing her appetite, she passes her bowl to Niylah before getting up and heading towards where her first task is.

Highly aware that she as walks away all eyes are following after her. Apart of her wants to return to her tent and hideaway under the covers until every else dies down. She was very tempted to do that and avoid everyone for the rest of the day. However, this camp is nowhere near viable for her to just take time off. So, she gets on with today’s task going over the inventory and making sure every is correct.

She begins with the medical supplies counting every they have managed to scavenge and marking off how much of each they still have. This is the easiest part of the job as no one, but her, Niylah and Jackson touch the medical supplies.

Food is a little more difficult as she has to make sure something is starting to spoil and make predictions on how long food will last should their hunting, fishing or farming fail. Other items such as hunting supplies involve her making sure there are always enough arrows counting out how many there are and separating the ones in poor condition making a note to have them remade. Same with fishing supplies, building supplies and everything else they need to survive.

Inventory is done once a week by two people. Meaning it doesn’t take long until her partner of the day joins her. She greets Indra with a single nod as both of them continue with their jobs. No words were spoken as none were needed. She and Indra won’t close per say and Indra was more respectful of her desire not to be asked questions.

Well, she says more respective but the truth most likely is that Indra simply doesn’t care. Which she is more than happy to endure. Silence is preferable to being peppered with annoying questions.

Still every now and then she feels Indra’s eyes lingering on her. The former general's thoughts still feel like screams in the silence. Yet Clarke can’t figure out what Indra is thinking. It almost feels like concern pouring off of the other woman but that doesn’t make much sense.

After what feels like hours they complete their tasks. Clarke sends Indra a quick smile in relief before she turns to head back to her tent to wait until lunch but is stopped by Indra’s words. “No one blames you for suffering in silence Klark.” Indra's words puncture the silence as Clarke stops in her actions but doesn’t turn around. Her mind trying to wrap around where Indra is going with this.

Indra has never really been one for giving her pep talks. Octavia yes, of course. Lexa most certainly. Miller and Bellamy sure she could see it. But her... she’s pretty sure Indra still kind of dislikes her. Not to mention she has no idea what she had done that warrants a pep talk.

That worries her more then anything.

“Most of us expected it.” Sympathy is laced within Indra’s voice yet Clarke remains still feeling more and more confused with each passing moment. “You have always taken on other people’s burdens. But you don’t have to shoulder everything on your own now. We’re all a team. Talk to us if you find your mind going down the dark path. We are here for you Klark. Never doubt that.”

Reaching out Indra places a comforting hand on Clarke’s shoulder giving it a small squeeze in encouragement. A sweet gesture under different circumstances. Right now, though it just adds to the bizarreness of this whole thing.

And with those parting words, Indra takes her own leave as Clarke remains rooted in spot very confused about what the hell Indra was talking about. Dark thoughts... Why was Indra talking about her dark thoughts?

Not wanting to deal with anything else today Clarke skips lunch heading back to her tent. She should have just faked sickness this morning. Would have made everything easier. Knowing when she doesn’t show up for lunch someone will come looking for her, and she decides to just play sick. She’ll make up for it another day.

Unsurprisingly it’s Niylah who comes looking for Clarke back in their tent. Upon entering their tent she flashes her partner a small smile about to happily greet her and explain the plan when Niylah ambushes her with, “They think you tried to kill yourself.”

Clarke hears the words perfectly, but it takes more than a few seconds for them to fully register in her head. And even when they do it still takes her a second. “I’m sorry what.”

Niylah drops down next to her. Her face revealing the truth of her words. “They think the bruising on your neck is from a rope.” Guilt lingering in Niylah's voice.

“How did they all jump to that conclusion.” She bursts out almost shouting. Out of everything they could have believed they all jumped to the attempted suicide option. What the actual fuck.

Niylah blankly stares at her. The same desolate look straining her eyes. “Because they have a general idea of what you’ve endured.” Niylah takes her hand running her thumb in soothing circles along the back. “And Murphy may have mentioned you having tried to do it once before and helped you hide it from the others.”

The from me was not spoken but filled the space between them.

“For fuck sake Murphy.” She mutters tightening her grip on Niylah’s hand. He had no right to bring that up. They had sworn to each other never to mention it. This was one of their secrets they should never mention. Not even between themselves.

How could he just blurt that out to everyone like it was nothing? Though her whole conversation with Indra makes a lot more sense now.

“So, it’s true,” Niylah states rather than asks. The truth of the matter was clear from Clarke’s reaction. “You never told me about that.”

Great now she has to have this conversation again with Niylah. “In my defence, I was drugged.” She tries to joke but the whole thing falls flat.

“Still Klark.” Niylah pushes needing to understand.

“Honestly, I forgot about it.” She admits quietly. “We had so much going on it just slipped my mind.” Everyone suffered from the effects of the red sun that day. However, everyone else tried to kill each other while her hatred leeched on the drug effect and brought out the worst voices rattling around in her head.

Niylah accepts the answer no doubt having heard the whole of what happened and knows that it wasn’t just something she had decided to do but was more coerced into doing. “Are there any other times I don’t know about.”

Sadly, she has to take a moment to think about the question. There were a few times she had thought about doing it but never had the courage to do so. When her dad died and after the mountain were prime times for this. However, she and Niylah have already spoken about this. And that time in the desert before she found Madi.

The only time she could conjure up is that time, “I did beg to take Finn’s place, but Lexa rejected my plea.” Even that wasn’t because she wanted to die but wanted to protect him. “Most other times that could be argued were just me risking my life, but I never actively went out of my way to kill myself. You were there for that time when we thought Madi was corrupted by the dark commander, and I’ve already told you about the desert.”

She can’t think of any other instances. Which is a good thing when you think about it.

“Gaia said you once told her if you lost Madi you would follow.” Niylah gently utters knowing Madi’s death is still a gaping hole in her heart that will never truly recover.

“I did.” She admits remembering the conversation. “But I had you to hold onto. Niylah, I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Not like that at least.” She swears hoping Niylah will believe her. That they won’t go back to how it was at the start of their time here with Niylah watching her every movement like a hawk.

Niylah nods believing her in that regard at least. “But if you ever felt like that, would you tell me.”

“How is this a conversation why are now having.” Clark groans leaning into her hands. Stupid Murphy for opening his mouth, the stupid group from once again leaping to the wrong conclusion and a little bit of stupidity directed towards Niylah for putting her in this situation in the first place. The bet doesn't seem like such a fun idea anymore.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Niylah calls her out.

Sighing deeply, she asks, “Would you believe me if I said yes.”

“No.”

She almost laughs at the expected answer. It’s the same as her own. “Then you have your answer.”

“Klark.” Niylah tries to push but it is all too much. This has got far heavier than she wanted, dragging a whole of bad memories and feelings she would rather remain buried for now.

“Please Niylah. I don’t want to talk about this.” She sees the pleading look in Niylah’s eyes. The desperate need to make sure they won’t lose each other again. “Not at the moment.” Clarke concedes really not looking forward to that conversation.

“Fine.” Niylah seemingly sees how this is all getting to her. “But we will talk about this soon.”

“I know.”

Why couldn’t everyone figure out that those marks were from Niylah? Why did they all have to think the worst possible thing about her and run with it? Refusing to go back out there and face everyone she sinks back into the furs dragging Niylah down with her. She won’t go back out there and deal with their unneeded pity and endure the stares again. And she certainly isn’t letting Niylah leave her now. Instead, she cocoons herself into Niylah and the blankets vowing to never move from this spot again.

Chapter Text

Disconnected.

That is the only way she knows how to explain her current feelings. Especially among her friends it feels like she is there, but she isn’t there. Like she is floating down a river with no ability to do anything else but lay there and let the water carry her.

The nightmares came back. Her friends accidentally ripped off the bandage of everything she tried so hard to keep buried. The reminder of past traumas all came flooding back to the surface. An overwhelming tsunami of emotions and memories drowning her from the inside.

It’s all too much. Again.

Her body has kept moving, eating, working, even talking when needed but if anyone asked her what was happening around her Clarke doubts, she would know. Hell, she doubts she would even hear the question as for most of the time it feels like her head is being held underwater. Everything is faded and distant. She’s trapped in a spiral of her own emotions falling down a never-ending pit of despair. A large part of her has stared longingly out to the woods that surround them. Thoughts of disappearing into the trees to get away from everyone has crossed her mind on more than one occasion.

It was only Niylah’s steady presence that stopped her from vanishing once more. An innate part of her refuses to part from Niylah again. To disappoint and hurt her as she managed to so often do. She tries to open up to her. To latch on to the Trikru woman as her only sanctuary in the growing storm.

But not even Niylah’s unwavering presence is enough to stop her drifting away at times. Which only seems to further Clarke’s stoop as each time she pulls away she hates herself for seeing the crestfallen way Niylah looks at her. Why does she always end up hurting Niylah? No matter what she does that always seems to be the invertible outcome.

Each time she opens her mouth it feels like all the oxygen is sucked from her lungs. She chokes on nothing grasping for words that are locked away behind some invisible barrier.

Fuck why is she like this? Why does she always do this? Why can’t she just get over it and move on? Why is she always dragging herself back here?

Why is Niylah still with her?

That question lingers more than any of the others. After everything she has put Niylah through why does she bother to stick around? Surely, she knows she would be a thousand times better off without Clarke bringing her down with her all the time.

A hand squeezing her arm jolts her as she blinks back the remnants of the fire’s smoke as the embers fizzle on the blackened cooling strips of wood. “Are you with me Klark?” Niylah’s concerned-filled voice reaches her.

“Yes.” She manages to croak out eyes quickly darting around revealing that it’s nighttime and they are the only two remaining by the dying campfire. “Where-“

“They all went to bed an hour ago,” Niylah replies softly increasing the grip on her arm grounding Clarke to this reality.

“Oh...” Is the only thing she can think of to say in response to that. Time has been blurred together the past few days. All merging into one only broken when Niylah reaches through the shattered reality pulling her back.

“I’ve never seen you this bad,” Niylah mumbles slumping into herself. Guilt weighed on her shoulders as it was a small mistake on her part that snowballed all of this. Despite Clarke telling her it’s not her fault that something was bound to trigger her at some point it hasn’t taken away the underlying blame Niylah has placed on herself. “You’re not sleeping, you're barely eating, you always seem like you're somewhere else and I’m scared Klark. I can feel you slipping away.”

 She can feel herself slipping away. Lost in memories and haunted by dreams reminding her of all her failures. “I know.”

“How can I help.” There’s an almost pleading aspect to Niylah’s tone. A desperate need to know how she can help her.

But the truth is she doesn’t know. Whenever this has happened before it was something that yanked her out. Not something she did. The darkness in her was forced back by the need for something else. First with the potential war with Azegda and then with Madi. This time there is nothing like that to pull her back leaving her trapped in a state of limbo. “I don’t know if you can...” Clarke admits. “I don’t know if I can.”

Niylah sighs letting go of her arm before standing up and walking away. Parts of Clarke’s mind and heart are screaming at her to follow. To go after Niylah and try to rid herself of this funk she has fallen into, but her body won’t agree. It refuses to move as she just sits there watching Niylah enter their tent.

Turning back to the flickering sticks in front of her she wonders if this is their breaking point. If Niylah has finally realised that Clarke only seems to hurt the two of them. That this is the straw to break them for good.

Clarke felt a tearing sensation run through her chest. A slice threatening to cleave her in half, ripping her in two leaving behind an empty husk it’s wake. A jagged and devastating blow that rams into her forcing her breath to catch in her throat. The utter look of defeat on Niylah’s face tore into her like a blade cutting into the layers of self-doubt that have cloaked her for so long.

She doesn’t know how she does it, but she somehow manages to pull herself to her feet and find her way to their tent. Pushing back the flaps the sight of Niylah packing a bag hits her like a hammer to the chest fracturing her already delicate heart. “Don’t leave.” She gasps out as panic sizes her throat.

The brokenness of her voice has Niylah dropping the bag and spinning around. “Klark.”

“I... I know I’m difficult to love and times like this must be impossible to deal with but... please... “She begs fighting back the frantic rush of her thoughts wanting to detail everything but struggling to say what she needs. “Don’t leave me... I... I can’t do this without you. And I’m trying... I really am... and I-

Niylah rushes forward shushing her gripping onto her face drawing their heads to rest against each other. “I’m not leaving.” She says firmly. “I’m not going anywhere without you. Not again. You are stuck with me now.”

Her words say one thing but the bag full of clothes and gear says another. “Then...”

“Because being around everyone is killing you,” Niylah tells her stroking her cheek with her thumb. “So, we’re going to take a break from them. I talked it over with the others and we are going to camp away from everyone for a little while.”

Niylah’s not leaving her... they are leaving together. Like the two of them going on a vacation.

“Niylah.” She breathes out still trying to process everything.

“I don’t know how to help Klark.” Niylah continues never wavering in the purely loving way she is looking at Clarke even when there is a hint of fear and concern mixed in there as well. “And it kills me to watch you suffer. The last two times something like this happened you got better when you were away from everyone so I’m hoping that will be the case here.”

How did she ever manage to find someone like Niylah to love her? After everything she’s done, she deserves horrible things. Not the kindest, most selfless and loving woman alive caring for her. “Ai hod yu in (I love you).”

A small smile is pulled from Niylah’s lips. “Ai hod yu in seintaim (I love you too).” Niylah kisses her lightly before reaching down to grab the bag she’s already packed. “Come on let’s go.”

“Shouldn’t we wait until the morning?”

An amused laugh is Niylah’s first response. “You’re not going to sleep anytime soon. Why waste the moonlight laying around here when we could be getting far far away from this please.”

“And if we run into something dangerous.” She’s not doubting Niylah’s abilities to navigate the woods in the dark. The Trikru woman grew up among the trees but if anything was to happen to Niylah because of her she doesn’t think she would come back from that.

Something happening to Niylah would be the final nail in her coffin.

Unaware of the sudden dark turn in her mind Niylah laughs pressing another kiss to her lips. “Don’t worry Ai deimeika (my sun), I’ll protect you.”

She does in more ways than Clarke thinks Niylah will ever understand.

The further away from camp they get the more it feels like she can breathe again. Away from the prying eyes who have watched her like a hawk since the moment they derived that she was suicidal again inadvertently starting the spiral she lost herself in.

Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into madness, it felt like her friend's well-intended efforts to stop her falling only seemed to push over the flimsy edge.

But being away from all the eyes and whispers has the instant effect of lifting a massive weight from her shoulders. Not that she is surprised. Niylah seemed to believe this would be beneficial and Niylah is better at understanding what she needs more then she is herself.

Trapesing through the forest at night was also a great idea on her part. Though she still has a few concerns about the wildlife that surrounds them it is not as threatening as it would be in other places. Less chances of running into a panther or bear then it would have been years ago.

There is something beautiful about walking through the woods during the night. A vastly different experience then from the day but no less beautiful. If anything, Clarke prefers to forest at night. Some people might find it more eyrie or scary but to her, it brings a different kind of peace.

There’s a stillness to it. A form of peace and tranquillity that is lost during the vibrance with the rising sun. With clusters of light shining through the leaves basking the trees and plants in a milky glow is more satisfying than the orange glow during the day.

The fluorescence of the flowers and animals, an array of so many colours overtakes the dullness of the day. The night is different to the day. It’s like a whole new world out here. One she could immerse herself in more as night also offers a sense of privacy. With everyone else asleep or curled away in their homes, there is more of a freedom at night.

The night was also the only time she properly got to be with Niylah. Using the cover of dark to sneak to her trading post or hide away from everyone else knowing that they could simply be with each other without having to worry about others coming to interrupt them.

No wonder night has become her more cherished time.

“Did I ever tell you why I started calling you Ai natshana (my moon)?” She was the one to first use a nickname in their relationship. Niylah started calling her ai deimeika (my sun) a little while after citing that if they are going to call each other cute names it seems like Skaikru likes to match thus the duality of their terms of endearment stuck.

However, she doesn’t think in all their time together she ever explained to Niylah why she started calling my moon.

“I don’t think so.” Niylah pauses to think as they stroll through the wood trying to find a decent enough place to settle down for the night. They had seen a few places that seemed adequate enough while out hunting but neither of them seemed in a rush to get anywhere much more preferring to bask in their time together. “Why did you start calling me that.”

“Because you were the only light in the darkness that eclipsed me. Back when I was lost in the woods, I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare. I wanted to die but that seemed too easy. A way to escape all the suffering I should go through for my actions. Most days I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or hallucinating. I saw them... the people I killed. They stalked me during my waking hours and haunted my sleep. Always staring, always accusing, always so angry or crying in pain. It was never-ending Niylah. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything but try and run from everything.”

They had talked about her time after the mountain and the strain it took on her mentally and emotionally. Niylah is the only one she ever felt comfortable talking to about that time in her life.

A time when all she wanted was to die but needed to suffer first.

Finn, Maya, Onya, Wells and her father were the ones who haunted her the most. The deaths that hurt her the most. The people she got killed because of her actions. They hated her and blamed her, and she couldn’t fault them because everything they said was true.

She was the reason they were dead. And that has been something she has carried with her all her life. A list that always seems to keep growing stained with the blood of innocents lost because of her ill-thought decisions.

A haunting experience that although no longer lingers during the day still stalks her when she sleeps. The constant reminder of all those she has failed.

“But then you were there. You were kind to a complete stranger who looked on the verge of death and insanity. Most people would have turned and run. But you didn’t. You were kind to me. You smiled and tried to help me. And for a moment everything that was awful in my life was gone.”

She can’t even imagine how bad she must have looked during their first meeting. Not the best way to meet the love of your life which is kind of on point for them really.

“You simply shun through the darkness like the moon lights up the night. And I know just how dark it is in my head at times. Yet no matter how dark it becomes you are always there bringing light back to my life. Even when we weren’t together anymore you were still there acting as my guiding light. After all the awful things I have done, you have always been there when I needed you. Always dragging me back to the light.”

An awe-filled expression overtakes Niylah’s face only enhancing her natural beauty. “Well now me calling you ai demeika (my sun) because your hair shines in the sunlight seems stupid now.” Clarke laughs. A loud joyful thing that startles Niylah before her own smile grows onto her face seeing Clarke act more herself. Her light dragging Clarke back from the dark once again.

They stop near the cave they were thinking of staying in. One everyone deemed safe, and they intended to furnish more as a getaway from the camp. An idea posed to more of the couples then the singles.

One they have taken advantage of first it seems.

Niylah shook her head her hand coming up to cover her face as a small blush coloured her cheeks with her admission. “I should have said something like no matter how the sun goes down at the end of the day it always comes back. Because like it, you always seem to come back to me.”

Very poetic and charming in its own way. But she much prefers what it really means.

“No, I love that is the reason. I love that it’s silly yet still meaningful. And I will always come back to you because I love you.” Tonight, there has been a lot of Niylah assuring Clarke of her love and she feels it's time to do the same. “I love how you understand me in a way no one else can, how even when you're angry with me you still let me in. I love how adorable and clingy you get when drunk, how that one time back in Arkadia you got so drunk with me, Monty, Harper, Bellamy, Rhys and Leo that when I helped you back to our room you kept hitting my hands away when I was trying to help you out of your shirt telling me you had a lover who would kill me for trying anything with you... which is pretty true to be fair.”

Niylah turns red enough to be visible in the limited moonlight, hanging her head in shame at the memory she still refuses to acknowledge it happening. Refusing to believe she did something like that even going as far as trying to threaten Clarke by telling her that her lover was Wanheda, and she doesn’t like to share.

It was utterly enchanting to watch as Niylah drunkenly fended her off before all but dropping onto their shared bed hugging her pillow and mumbling about missing Klark’s warmth. Clarke had watched her for a few minutes as complete and utter devotion settled in her chest. It was in that moment she knew she loved Niylah.

Something she admitted to the older woman as she crawled into bed with her and Niylah mumbled back that she loved Klark so much but was worried their feelings weren't the same. A sentence that felt like a dagger to the chest. Only further increasing with Niylah adding she doesn’t care if that’s the case. Klark is too special and important to be tied to her anyway. She’ll take what she can get from her.

The following day the two of them had a talk about their feelings with Clarke admitting her love first. They talked a lot about what they are to each other and how they want this relationship to go. Clarke knew that a lot was riding on her, that she was one of the people vital to the survival of the human race. But that she wanted to be with Niylah for how ever long they had left.

She guesses nothing has really changed since then in that regard. “I love how grumpy you are in the mornings, how you refuse to let me slip away muttering threats while pulling me closer, how you refuse to go to sleep until we’re cuddling.”

She could probably recite hundreds of reasons as to why she loves Niylah, it’s so easy to adore every little aspect of her. Every little thing about her fills Clarke’s heart with nothing but unconditional love and warmth.

“I simply love you Niylah, and I can’t imagine facing anything without you...” Clarke's voice trails off as is different sort of understanding settles within her chest. The rest of her speech is more of a quiet murmur as what she wants more than anything begins to form in her mind. “I can’t imagine my life without you, and I never want to.”

Niylah beams her that small knowing smile that never fails to make Clarke’s heart skip a beat. “Well like I said I’m not going anywhere.”

Tightening her hold on Niylah’s arm she brings them to a stop taking a deep breath before asking her to, “Marry me.”

“What.” The shock of her question can be seen on Niylah’s face. As can the building awe.

“Marry me.” She reaffirms more confidently this time. “I love you more than anything and I want to be tied to you for all eternity.” The clans see marriage as not just a union of their love but of their hearts and souls tying them to each other in this life and in what comes after.

She always thought it was beautiful, but right now, in this moment, she truly understands what that type of commitment means—what it is to share that with someone. And God, does she want that with Niylah?

“I love you and I know sometimes I am awful at showing it or get lost in my own head but that doesn’t diminish the fact that my heart beats for you and you alone. From the moment our paths crossed my world has never been the same and I’m the better for it. You changed me, you make me a better person and I adore you. I adore everything about you, and I want everyone to know that. Forget the bet I want you. I want to be yours just as much as I want you to be mine. I don’t want to waste any more of our precious time together you are the one I love, and I want a lifetime of love with you. A lifetime and whatever comes after I want to be with you.”

Niylah bit her lip shyly, trying to tamp down the smile, but it shone through along with a small blush on her cheeks. “Are you sure?” Come the breathless question, a final out she could use.

Not that she needs or wants it. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. Will you Niylah of Trikru, Azegda, Wonkru and Finalkru marry me.”

A beat passes, then another, then another, and for a faltering second Clarke fears Niylah will say no when Niylah finally answers elation bursts out of her as her already dazzling smile explodes taking over her whole face. “Yes.”

“Yes,” Clarke repeats unbelieving she heard her correctly.

“Yes, I will marry you.” Niylah firmly yet gleefully tells her bringing their lips together. Niylah has always been her grounding force, the one to bring her back no matter what path she walks down. There have always been a lot of uncertainties in their future but the one thing they have always relied on is the other to see them through it.

This is just the next step on their path towards happiness. One they both bask in taking with the other.

Chapter Text

Trikru unions and Skaikru weddings were very different from each other, yet strangely similar. Both involve exchanging vows, promises of love, both recite oaths to themselves and to each other before pledging their love to each other. The main difference is what is used to tie them together.

For Skaikru, it’s an exchange of rings, a constant reminder of the other half of them on display at all times. Two rings symbolising an endless loop, meaning an endless love. For Trikru, it's hand wrapping a physical moment of tying their hearts and souls together.

Hidden away from everyone the two-woman laid intertwined deciding how they should procced with their wedding ceremony. In both cultures it is common to have the ceremony in front of others to share their love with those closest to them, but it is also as common for the ceremonies to be private events held just between the two of them.

Which is what their current dilemma is. Or to Clarke at least. She doesn’t know if she wants to be married in front of her friends. She would prefer to have a private union with only her and Niylah, but she will do whatever Niylah wants to do on the matter. This is their wedding after all.

“You’re overthinking things again.” Niylah hums from next to her, sounding more amused then annoyed, thankfully.

Night had long since settled between them, if anything, it was closer to dawn then midnight, not that Clarke would have noticed the change in truth. Getting lost in her own mind sometimes feels like she’s on a different planet altogether.

Yet no matter how far gone she might be, she will always come back to Niylah in a heartbeat. “No, I’m not.” Clarke tries to refute, only earning a small laugh from Niylah in return.

“Yes, you are.” Niylah shakes her head before resting it on Clarke’s chest. “What’s on your mind?”

Seeing there is no point in arguing, she gives in, admitting to what has been weighing on her mind. “For our union... do you want it with the others or private?”

Niylah hums into her chest thinking the question over before coming to her answer. “Private.”

“Really.” Surprise tints Clarke’s voice upon hearing this. She thought Niylah would have wanted a more public event.

Pushing herself up, Niylah leans over with a small grin. “You seem surprised.”

“I am,” Clarke admits, wanting to be closer to Niylah by sliding her hands down to Niylah’s hips, encouraging her to straddle rather than just leaning above her. The weight on her lap is comforting, grounding as Niylah smiles down at her. “I wasn’t sure which you would have preferred.”

“Our relationship has always been private,” Niylah tells her. “Whether we intended it to be or not. Yes, I want our friends to be happy for us and share in our joy. But this... this union is for us. Not them.”

Clarke releases a sigh of relief, she wasn’t even aware she was holding. “I love you.”

Niylah giggles, “I know.” Niylah looks up out to the vast night sky filled with stars that shine and gleam brighter than usual. Clarke follows sitting up as well, keeping a solid on on Niylah, not wanting her to move from her lap while making sure the furs remain wrapped around Niylah. “You know, this reminds me of our time in Arkadia.”

Sometimes at night when things became too stressful for Clarke, she would try to escape her responsibilities by climbing on to part of the roof lie down and watch the stars Being inside all the time, in those close quarter corridors, sealed rooms and enclosed solid metal doors freak her out. They remind her too much of her time locked away in solitary.

One year.

She spent a year trapped within the same four walls. She ate, sleep and went to the bathroom in the same four walls. No one was allowed to see her. Meal shoved through a slot in the door. She was isolated from the rest of the ark, from Wells and her mother for a year.

A year where she could do nothing but sit alone with her thoughts as she waited the death, until she turned eighteen and was floated like her father for knowing the truth about the Ark dying. It was a worse kind of torture then any physical pain she had undergone. Her father’s death played on replay in her mind, in her dreams, the guilt she bore thinking it was her trusting Wells with the information that killed her father.

Her art gave her something else to focus on. Something to do other then slowly drive herself crazy. It was awful. At times, she thinks she would have preferred to have been floated alongside her father.

The Ark’s remains made up their camp. A shrine to her people and their unique cultural. Her peoples safe place among a scary new world. But to her it was her prison still. It would always be her cage. Even when she was able to talk to others again, to be around people she was still isolated. The leader who sat alone at the top.

She supposes that’s why she struggles to voice her thoughts and feelings most of the time. In that cell, she couldn’t. It was all wrapped up inside of her. Twisting and coiling around her like a noose choking her from the inside. Her thoughts were her only companion, and her feelings hurt too much before turning numb. To nothing but boredom, and hoping her death would come soon to save her from this torment.

In some ways, she was less lonely in her cell. At least then, she knew no one could talk to her. In that camp, people could talk to her. But no one did. Only asking for orders and expecting her to have all the answers. She was alone again in a completely different way.

An even worse way.

So, most nights or whenever she really could, she would climb on to the roof. A reminder that she isn’t as trapped as she feels. That she isn’t in that cell any longer.  She's not sure how Niylah found her, but one night she climbed up and lay next to Clarke, not saying anything, simply basking in the beauty of the night sky.

Admittedly, a part of her wanted to open up about it. To explain to Niylah, who grew up on the ground and felt the metal structure as suffocating as she did. But she never dared open that can of worms. It wouldn’t have been fair to dump all that upon her friend as well as everything else. So, they sat in silence enjoying the night sky and the little taste of freedom it offered.

It was on that roof that Clarke swallowed past her fear and kissed Niylah for the first time since their night together in Niylah’s trading hut. The first time Clarke had allowed herself to do something for herself rather than her people.

“I’ve always loved looking at the stars. Always felt drawn to them.” Niylah admits softly, offering her a small, timid smile she knows never ceases to make Clarke’s heart melt.

“I felt the same with the ground. Me and my dad would sit and stare down at the earth wondering what life would be like down here.” They had a small place where they would go and just look out the window at the earth below. Wells would join them. In some ways it similar to what she shared with Niylah.

“Maybe we were both looking for something.” Niylah supplies looking down on her with something that can be described as pure endearment and devotion wrapped in love.

Oh, she was looking for something.

Back on the Ark, all she wanted was to learn to be a doctor and help people. To follow in her mother and father’s footsteps and be a vital part of their society. She and Wells once said that they would be just like their parents when they were older. Him the chancellor and her his right hand and head of medical. She wanted a reason for life to make sense. As stupid as it sounds, she wanted to know her life had some kind of meaning. Well, she got that. Just not in the way she expected. The ground changed everything. Not just about how she viewed the world and the role she would play, but her. It changed her.

And not in a good way.

The darker parts of her, parts she didn’t know were there grew in strength until at times it felt like all she was nothing but darkness. But Niylah showed her she was wrong. That she was not all darkness. That it was just a part of her. She was a mixture of light and dark while Niylah was all light. Something she could hold onto when times get hard, and her mind begins to run.

The amount of time she and Niylah have been pulled apart only to find each other again makes her wonder if it was down to something more than just chance. At the end of the day, it’s them against everything else. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m not looking anymore,” Clarke admits. She stopped looking for someone else a long time ago. She couldn’t force herself to move on when they were broken up. Couldn’t bare to imagine Niylah with someone else.

She dreamed a few times in their six years apart that when they reunited, she would discover Niylah happy with someone else. That she was able to move on in her absence. She never would have held it against Niylah, but it still would have hurt. When Niylah told her she hadn’t been with anyone in those years apart she was internally cheering like she won some great prize. Because she did. She still had a chance with Niylah.

Niylah was it for her. She knew that even before the death wave came. Why would she need to look elsewhere?

Niylah nestles into her, allowing for Clarke to hold her closer. “Neither am I,” Niylah confesses, bringing a smile to Clarke’s lips. She doesn’t know what she ever did to deserve Niylah, because in this life everything contradicts the narrative that she should have something so good. Yet here she is at the end of the time with Niylah uncloaked with her. “Yet I can still feel you drifting away.”

“Have I ever told you about my time in prison?” Clarke asks, already knowing she hasn’t. She’s refused to speak about this to anyone. Kept these thoughts trapped at the back of her mind in fear of what might happen if they were exposed.

Knowing what Octavia went through for years felt small in comparison. Even though Octavia had Bellamy and her mother she was still trapped for longer. She didn’t want the pity or to turn what happened to her into some kind of contest.

Silence was preferable to the comments others would have made.

Niylah takes a moment to think. Going over all their conversations about her arrest. Clarke almost laughs, remembering the face Niylah pulled when she told her that she was once arrested for treason. Niylah had expected many things from her but never hearing that. “No... All you said was why you were arrested and how you joined the hundred.”

Clarke nods shifting to be able to hold Niylah closer as she knows she is walking down a dark path. But if she and Niylah are to marry each other Niylah needs to understand why she is the way she is. And her time in confinement plays a larger role then she has ever let on.

“I don’t like thinking about that time.” She goes out of her way to actively avoid that. Even when Miller and O wanted to talk about their time in prison, they would always look to her and she would brush it off quickly redirecting the conversation. “Everyone always assumed that it was the ground that changed me. That being a leader made me more closed off. The hundred never knew me beforehand, and when my mom came to the ground, it was easy to use the war as an excuse as to why I was different.”

Wells was the only one to click on to something. Even when she was infuriated with him and lashing out, he knew something more was going on. Something she didn’t want to talk about. Eventually, he would have pushed her to talk. If he didn’t die, she might have been willing to open up to him.

But fate took him away and she bottled that up inside more. Praying no one would know just how bad it was for her.

“But it wasn’t the ground that changed me. It only further brought out the darkness. My cell broke something in me. I was locked away in a small, cramped space for over a year. No one spoke to me; I couldn’t speak to anyone. I was trapped in a place I couldn’t escape from with nothing but my thoughts for company. It... it slowly drove me mad. The silence felt like it was constantly pressing down on me. Like I was being crushed. I used to have conversations with myself just to fill the silence. To not feel as alone. But it didn’t work. Having conversations in my head worked better. It was like there were others around. I had nothing else to do but wait till they executed me. An axe hanging above my head while I slowly lost my mind.”

“Klark.”

“For over a year, it was just me, my thoughts and my empty feelings. On the ground, I was the leader who had to act strong. Everything was suppressed as revealing what I truly thought or felt would be latched upon by others. Back in Arkadia, I was able to open up to you. As slowly as it was. But then we were parted again for six years. Yes, I had Maddie, but I couldn’t show her any fears or weakness. She needed me to be strong. And I internalised a lot. Which I’m sure you know.”

Niylah nods, knowing exactly what she means. “Yes, you drift off a lot. Even when...”

“When I’m not having a depressive episode.” She fills in. Others might see her as distant and disconnected when she’s in the midst of her worst, but Niylah sees it all the time. The small moment where, for a second the bad thoughts take control before she can snap back. “I am trying to be better. To not get so easily lost in my own head and to open myself up to you. But it's hard. Most of the time, it feels impossible, but I do try Niylah. For you.”

“I know.” Niylah rubs her nose against Clarke’s. “I see how hard it is for you at times. Even when you’re happy. I know it’s always there. I know how hard you fight it. And I know that despite all that, all the struggles and brokenness inside of you, I see you trying for me. Even no,w you’re fighting yourself to let me in. You have no idea how much that means to me, Klark.”

Sometimes it feels like she's fighting an endless, pointless war with herself. A war that will never end. Always haunting, always lurking on the edges of her soul. “I wish I weren’t like this. That I could be better for you.”

Niylah deserves to have someone like that. Someone not dragging her down all the time.

“I don’t need better Klark. I need you.” Niylah reminds her firmly. She’s said this a few times now. Never does she sound annoyed or tired of having to repeat the same phrase. It’s always with the same certainty and care. “No matter how damaged you see yourself.”

“I’m still going to-“

“I know.” Niylah cuts in before she could say she is always going to struggle with this. That despite how much she may wish it, this will always be a part of her. “And I accept that about you. No matter how lost you get inside yourself, I’ll always be here to pull you back.”

Closing her eyes, she presses into Niylah’s neck. Hiding in the crook as she tries to lighten the mood. “Sounds like a marriage vow.” She jokes.

“It is,” Niylah confirms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We are in this together Klark. The good and the bad.”

“Marry me.”

Niylah lets out a quiet laugh. “You’ve already asked me that.”

Clarke pulls back far enough to meet Niylah’s eyes. “I mean now. Marry me now. I don’t want to wait.” She said to Niylah earlier that she might not be sure of many things in her life, but the one thing she is sure of is Niylah and their relationship. Why wait any longer then needed?

For a few seconds that feel like an eternity, Niylah doesn’t say anything. Only moving further away from her, causing Clarke’s heart to sink, wondering if she pushed too much. Except Niylah stays within her grasp instead reaching out to their travel bag and begins to root around in it.

She pulls out various items Clarke didn’t even know she had packed before Niylah lets out a small gasp of cheer when she finds the makeshift first aid kit. Only furthering Clarke’s ongoing confusion as to what is going on. Something that becomes clearer than Niylah empties the kit, picking up their version of bandage, unfurling it and offering it to Clarke with a smug smile.

They may not have rings to exchange as would be Skaikru custom. But they have something to tie them together in Trikru culture.

Taking the end of one side of the bandage she carefully wraps it around her hand as Niylah does the same on the other side until they come together in the middle. Never of them can hide their smiles as they perform the union. Binding themselves together forever.

“Hey guys how was your trip.” Raven shouts out being the first one to spot them as they return to camp after a week away. Everyone looks over interested how it played out. Clarke can see the worry on their faces as they take her in.

“It was nice, very peaceful and beautiful,” Clarke answers, taking up one of the empty spaces on the logs with Niylah dropping down next to her. The two of them had talked about how to handle their reunion with the others.

Niylah of course taking great pleasure in setting up how to reveal their marriage. All they have to do is wait for the inevitable question. They had scraped their original bet changing it to who would be the member to ask said question.

“Glad to hear it.” Indra says with a hint of relief noting how more Clarke like she was before going back to eating her dinner. Neither of them had bet on Indra.

 “So,” Octavia begins and Clarke winces as it was O Niylah betted on. She had chosen Raven because her friend is always asking intrusive questions. But no the one time she needs her to try and dig into her business she decides not to. “What did you two do.”

“Oh...” Niylah sends her a self-satisfied look. Great, now Clarke has to do all of Niylah’s duties for a week. Clarke nods, accepting her defeat as Niylah turns back to the group as casually as asking someone how their day was announced. “We got married and enjoyed our honeymoon.”

“Aww, that’s great.” Echo says sending them a small smile before like everyone else goes back to having a mouthful of their dinner.

She and Niylah quickly share exasperated looks at how little of a reaction they got while Hope starts making them a bowl of food. Seriously... nothing. They got nothing for that.

...

...

...

Then everyone goes still a look of befuddlement on their faces as everyone suddenly snaps their heads towards them wide eyed with various degrees of astonishment on their face as they all shout, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT MARRIED.”

There it is. Taking hold of Niylah’s hand, she can’t stop the bundle of laughter that escapes her. Well… at least they finally know.