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HARRY OSBORN HAS A COFFEE ADDICTION????? *NOT CLICKBAIT*

Summary:

“This is a stupid idea.”
“I know, Johnny.”
“Why would you ever think this is a good idea, Pete? You’re smarter than this.”
“I know, Johnny!”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still gonna do it. This is fucking hilarious.” Peter sighed.
“I know Johnny.”

---

 

Y'all what if coffee shops were used more in Spider-Man comics????

Notes:

This is based on some of the earlier Dan Slott era of comics where Harry Osborn owned a coffee shop and the Daily Bugle had been bought by a man named Dexter Bennet who was basically turning it into a paparazzi magazine rather than a respectable newspaper.
In the comic, Bennet forced Peter to go on the Paparazzi beat and Harry, who’d been hounded by paparazzi his whole life due to being an Osborn, banned him from entering the Coffee Bean.

Now during this entire era, Harry was an amazing friend to Pete and I found it a little unbelievable that he didn’t talk to Peter about this instead of just banning him from entering the coffee shop so this is what sprung from this.
It’s not directly set in that era of comics because I honestly can’t ever keep up with what’s the canon in the 616 universe so I just mixed and matched.

Also Harry knows Peter is Spider-Man

This is purely to get my motivation back for writing my fics because I have not updated any of them in ages and I really don’t want to start hating them when I write them

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

The Coffee Bean - Harry Osborn’s coffee shop and the main hangout place for ESU students

“So, let me get this straight.” Peter began. “I’ve just told you that my new boss,”

“Dexter Bennet.” Harry supplied, oh so helpfully. 

“I know his name.” Peter deadpanned. 

“Just checking.” Harry replied, a smirk adorning his face. 

“Right, so I’ve just told you that my new boss just put me on the paparazzi beat-”

“Were you ever off it though? I mean ol’ JJ had you snapping pics of yourself in a onesie, because people wanted to see more of you, no matter what you wanted. Sounds like some pap shots to me.”

“That was different!” Peter exclaimed. 

“How?” Harry replied. Peter’s eyes narrowed. The smirk on his face was too smug. 

“It just was!” Harry raised his hands in placation. 

“Okay, sorry! Just thought I’d point it out.” Peter sighed. 

“So anyways, he wanted me to take photos of you to incriminate you because, just like JJ, he’s got some sort of hate boner, but unlike JJ, it’s not for Spider-Man and you ,” Peter pointed at Harry accusingly, as if he were responsible for this whole predicament. “You want me to do it?”

“Yeah!” Harry replied, as though it was obvious. “You can’t tell me you can’t see the possibilities here, right?” 

“What possibilities? I'll sell him photos of you running a coffee shop? He isn’t going to want that!”

“No!” Harry looked almost offended at the idea that he would think of something so mundane even though he was in fact running a coffee shop and had asked Peter to do just that. “We can use it as advertisements! More people see someone famous here, more people come and realise that we make the best coffee in New York!”

“But do you though?” Peter asked.

“And,” Harry said, as if Peter hadn’t spoken, “more customers mean more revenue, meaning more money to open more shops and spread the Lyman family recipe with the world!”

“Aren’t you a billionaire?”

“Isn’t this the perfect plan?” Peter stopped to look at Harry. As much as he hated this assignment, Harry was right. Maybe there was a way to get something out of it. It might make it somewhat fun in the end. 

“Alright.” Peter said. “I’ll do it.”

“Perfect,” Harry cackled, eerily like his father. “I’ve already got some ideas. You’re still friends with the Fantastic Four, right?”

 

 

 

 

The Baxter Building - Home of the Fantastic Four and Reed’s silly little inventions

“This is a stupid idea.” 

“I know, Johnny.” Peter grumbled. 

“Why would you ever think this is a good idea, Pete? You’re smarter than this.”

“I know, Johnny!” He raised his voice, silently wondering why he was doing this too. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still gonna do it. This is fucking hilarious.” Peter sighed, a tug pulling on his lips. 

“I know Johnny.”

 

 

 

 

The Coffee Bean - Peter’s place of torment

“What about the Avengers? You’re still with them, right?”

Peter sighed. “Not after the Civil War.” He looked pensive. “I can’t get to the Avengers but I can think of a different team.”

 

 

 

 

Avengers Mansion - Former home base of the Avengers/Current home base of the Young Avengers Initiative

“Kate!” Peter yelled. “You in here?” 

No response from Kate Bishop but a teenager with a mop of black and red scarf appeared in a flash of red light. 

“Agh!” Peter yelped. “Holy- Billy! Don’t do that!”

Billy Maximoff/William Kaplan/Asgardian/Wiccan (Peter didn’t know and was too afraid to ask) stared back behind layers of eyeliner. 

“You want to gather the Young Avengers to a coffee shop for a photoshoot.”

“Um… sort of?” Wiccan tilted his head, his eyes as dead inside as before. 

“Not sort of. I read your mind. That’s exactly what you want.” Right, he’d forgotten about that part of his powers. 

“No worries, most people find it unsettling and attempt to either shield themselves from it or, if they are woefully incompetent in the matter of mental manipulation, attempt to forget about it.” Peter blinked. Did he just imply-

“Apologies. I had not realised it was offensive until after the words left my mouth. I apologise. What can I do to rectify this mistake?” 

“You could come to the coffee shop?” Wiccan paused and thought for a minute, as if it were some great world altering decision that rested on his shoulders. 

After a minute of thinking he answered. “Very well. I will come. If you don’t mind, I will bring the other Young Avengers with me.” Peter blinked. 

“That would be great! Thanks!”

 

 

 

 

The Coffee Bean - again…

“Any others you can think of, Pete? Or am I gonna have to resort to getting you in your Spider-Man onesie?” 

“It’s not a onesie!” Peter sighed, exasperated. Then he paused. “Wait a minute, that’s perfect!” 

“It is?” Harry asked. “I mean, of course it is! I thought of it! Just to check, what is my perfect idea again?” Peter grinned. 

“Remember that thing with the Inheritors?” 

 

 

 

 

Earth 001/The Loomworld - Former homebase of a group of interdimensional energy vampire called the Inheritors who’s hobbies included attending Renaissance fairs, cosplaying as Brad Pitt from Interview with the Vampire and consuming the life force of Spider Totems - Now the headquarters of the Spider-Society

“When you said it was an emergency, I thought it would be something similar to the last time where we fought the Inheritors to save ourselves from extinction.” 

“Look, Gwen, I know but it’s really important to my friend!” Gwen sighed. 

“I’ll see what I can do. If nothing else, we might get a different place to hang out.” She looked around at the Hall. “This place still gives me the creeps sometimes.”

“Hey!” A loud voice rang through the hall. Gwen cringed. 

“Sorry Billy!” she yelled back. 

“Forgot Braddock lived here full time now after the incursions.” Peter muttered. 

“He gives Karn company. The two get lonely.” Gwen replied. “So, the Coffee Bean, tomorrow?”

“Yup. See you then!” 

 

 

 

 

The Daily Bugle Building - Peter Parker’s workplace

“Parker!” a shrill voice sounded throughout the bullpen. 

“Yeesh Pete. What did ya’ do this time?” Peter shrugged. 

“No idea, Betty. Better check it out.” As he walked towards Bennet’s office, his mind raced with ideas. What could he have done? Was his assignment too late? Had he figured out the photos were staged?

Peter scoffed. 

If anything, he’d be surprised if he hadn’t figured it out. All the young Avengers, the Fantastic Four, Spider-People from other universes, it might have been a bit overkill. 

With a deep breath, he pushed open the door, bracing himself for a shouting match that he only used to get with Jameson. 

Is it weird that he was feeling a little nostalgic? Probably not. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Bennet huffed. 

“You really thought you did something there Parker.” Peter gulped. 

“Sir?”

“Thought you could pull the wool over my eyes, did you?” 

“Sir, I can explain!” Bennet ignored him. 

“There’s only one possible way you could have gotten photos like this!”

“Sir, if you would just let me-” Bennet cut through. 

“I know what you are.” Peter froze. How could he-? If he knew- no. He couldn’t. Could he? 

“You-”

Was this it? 

“Are-”

Was this the end of Spider-Man?

“An amazing photographer!” 

What?

“Sir, I’ve been doing this job for almost a decade.” Bennet laughed. 

“I know that! On paper, I know that! But the best you’ve given me in the past are slightly blurry shots of the red and blue bug dude-”

“Actually it’s arachnid-”

“-that no-one cares about!”

“Excuse me?” Bennet ignored him. 

“But this? This is marvellous!” He picked up a tablet and put it on his desk, revealing the makings of an article for the Daily Bugle’s online edition. In front and centre if a still shot of Harry Osborn with a large collection of coffee mugs in front of him. Beside him is Johnny Storm, looking more worried than Peter had seen him before, which is impressive considering the two of them nearly die every other week trying to stop some big supervillain. 

Above the image reads the title: HARRY OSBORN HAS A COFFEE ADDICTION? *NOT CLICKBAIT*

Peter stared at the article in disbelief and back to Bennet who had the widest grin on his face. 

“Sir, with all due respect, this is the article you’re writing?” Bennet looked at Peter, confused. 

“Um, yeah? What else is there to write about?” Peter threw his hands up into the air. 

“I took photos of the Young Avengers! There’s like fourteen different shots of completely new Spider-People!” He pointed fervently at the photo on the screen. 

“The Human Torch is in that photo and you’re focusing on Harry?” Bennet rolled his eyes.

“Superheroes are so last year, but a billionaire starting a coffee shop? He’s gotta be up to something.”

“Oh for the love of- I quit.”

“That’s the spirit- wait what?”

Notes:

Y'all I might make this a series of just random marvel heroes pulling up to the coffee bean

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