Chapter Text
Seriously, I just want to smash his head against the balcony.
“BB! You can’t even do the most simple of tasks? Are you seriously demented?” As Romeo’s shouting intensifies, I fix my stare on a random point, not really listening. My gaze drifts to his ear—turns out he likes wearing gold jewelry, too. Huh. “Are you even listening to me, you-“ My eyes settle back on his face, twisted beautifully in rage.
“You have wrinkles, Fico.” I comment offhandedly, refusing to bite back. He stiffens, rage contorting his face even more before he finally exhales, defeated.
Then his brow twitches as he stares at my calm expression.
“You’re covered in acne. Can’t you even wash your face properly, you DW!”
I wonder: if I take a club to his head, will he finally shut the fuck up?
“GYahahah!” I immediately press my hand against my temple at the laugh that comes through the door. “Lulu, you are making such a funny face!”
“Great, now it’s two.” I mutter under my breath, glancing to the side as the demented quack enters the room with Ritsu right behind him. I lock eyes with Ritsu, mentally begging for help, but he ignores me, just picking up the papers for the captain and vice of Sinostra to sign and explaining some details to them.
I let my attention drift as they talk, barely registering what’s being said. I glance at the door and make my way toward it, hoping to slip out unnoticed. But just as my hand reaches for the handle, I feel the cold press of a gun against my head. I lift my hands slowly.
“Hi, Taiga. I’m the honor student. Dumbass number two.” I try not to move too much while immediately introducing myself to the captain that I’m sure doesn’t remember me.
“Why you sneakin’ around?” He doesn’t lower the gun, so I turn slowly, feeling its steady pressure against my skull. I offer a faint smile, meeting his predatory gaze.
“Just thought my work here was done.” I say, shrugging slightly as my eyes shift toward Romeo, who’s too busy berating Ritsu over paperwork to notice.
“Scram, then” He doesn’t have to say it twice for me to slip away and then out of the casino, picking up the pace to the Frostheim Castle. I mumble a curse, knowing I’m in for another lecture from Jin.
“You’re late,” Jin says, not bothering to look up as I stumble into the room, panting. He’s annoyingly handsome, calm as ever, while I’m bent over, hands on my knees, struggling to catch my breath.
Good afternoon for you too, asshole.
I hate this. I hate this situation I did nothing to deserve. Closing my eyes tightly, I correct my posture, plastering on a limp smile and steadying my voice before speaking.
“I’m sorry, Jin. I got caught in crossfire at the casino.” The words roll off my lips with a casualness that would be laughable if this kind of thing weren’t practically routine by now. “How may I help you?”
My submissive tone only proves his point in calling me a servant. I try not to dwell on it, my gaze darting around the room. Strangely, out of all the captains, Jin is the one who makes me the most anxious. He always wears that cold façade, sometimes almost gentle, but then quickly turning ruthless. It makes me tense because, deep down, I want his approval. I cling to the hope that, if I do well, maybe he’ll treat me as an equal, as a person.
In a way, that hope makes it worse.
As he explains what he expects from me, my mind starts to drift, as it always does when I’m around a ghoul. I dig deeper into my own thoughts, distancing myself.
I wonder if it is because I’m slowly becoming more and more detached of reality to survive in all this. For fucks sake, someone held a gun to my head less than an hour ago and I didn’t even flinch. And yet here I am, convincing myself that the man in front of me is scarier than that.
Something between a cough and a laugh escapes me as the doors open behind me, and I see my first ghouls enter with Tohma. I glance at them slowly, feeling oddly out of place. If I were paying even a little more attention, I would’ve noticed that Jin had stopped talking and was just staring at me, eyebrows raised. And if I were more aware of my surroundings, I might’ve recognized that expression as worry.
I stand in silence, simply staring at them as a ringing fills my ears. A strange heaviness settles in my mind, and I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right. It’s like I’m watching myself from a distance, the world around me blurred and surreal.
“Well, fuck. I think my brain finally short-circuited.” The words spill out before I fully grasp their weight. I push past Jin and flop onto the sofa he inexplicably placed in the middle of the room. Lying back, I stare at the ceiling, my thoughts racing.
As I glance over at the baffled ghouls, their expressions echo my own confusion. “Sorry, can I lie down for a sec?”
“Holy shit, are you okay? Oh my god, you clearly aren’t okay.” Kaito's voice is high with concern as he approaches, sitting beside the couch and staring at my pale face.
“I’ll call Mothkraken.” I immediately shake my head at Luca’s suggestion.
“I fucking hate hospitals. And doctors,” I mumble, still staring at the ceiling, trying to regain my bearings and figure out where I am. “Ugh…”
I groan and shift until I’m face-to-face with Kaito. I can’t help but grin as his entire face flushes red with embarrassment. Lucas kneels beside us, brow furrowed in concern as he assesses my condition. My gaze drifts to Tohma and Jin, who are whispering to each other, clearly discussing me. The realization jolts me from my reverie, and I try to sit up, but the room spins around me. I fall back onto the couch, wincing and pulling my arms over my face.
“OK. I need to see Jiro.” Mumbling, I look at Kaito and Lucas, smiling while feeling my cheeks flush. “Uhm. I kinda can’t move or trust myself to move. Uppies?”
Kaito and Lucas exchange nervous glances, their brows furrowed as uncertainty flickers in their eyes. I watch, bewildered, as they launch into an impromptu game of rock, paper, scissors, their movements almost frantic. The room sways around me, a dizzying blur, and my head feels heavy with the weight of everything. This is complete nonsense.
In a flash, Lucas calls out his choice and triumphantly declares victory, his face lighting up with a grin that momentarily distracts me from my mounting frustration. He leans down swiftly, wrapping his arms around me in a bridal carry, and I can barely process the shift as I faintly hear Kaito muttering curses under his breath, disbelief dripping from his voice.
My hands automatically goes around Lucas’s neck, supporting myself better in his hold. While he starts walking to the Morthkraken dormitory. The breeze of the cold castle washes over me and I squeeze Luca’s neck tighter, burying my face in his shoulder. A mix of shame and the need for comfort washes over me. He smells like oranges—far more soothing than it has any right to be.
But then I immediately tense up when I hear the other students from Frostheim gasp at the scene.
“Cool. Cool. I want to die. Can I die now? Fuckk, people are staring. Lucas, let me down.” In books this scene is way more exciting than the real deal, this is stressing me out. The other students are throwing confused and surprised glances, while I hear the faint noise of gossiping around. I try to wiggle out of Lucas’s arms, but he only presses me closer. Taking my face off the hiding place, I glance around to see Kaito walking with us while nervously muttering something about him being strong enough to lift me.
“Kaito. Help. I wanna die, people are looking, make him let go” My voice comes off as a whisper-scream, and and he just snorts before stepping up, shrugging off his cloak, and draping it over me so at least no one can see my face.
“Sorry, but we need to get you there. I never saw you even swear before.” Groaning, one of my hands goes to support the cloak around me while the other is still firmly around Lucas’s neck. Ever since coming here, I do my best to be as plain as possible not to attract attention and also to increase my chances of becoming friendly with the ghouls. It’s easier if I just adjust my personality to each person than to risk making them not like me for something as petty as how I talk.
“Fucking hell, that went down the drain. Or maybe not.” I giggle nervously, adjusting my cloak so I can look at them. “Can you guys keep this a secret?”
“If it’s about your safety, then no.” Lucas keeps his pace, eyes fixed ahead, his voice soft but resolute. Yup, yup. He’s handling me like I’m made of glass. I can’t decide whether to blush or bolt.
“Oh, come on, dude. At least think about it,” Kaito chides, giving him a sharp slap on the back. Then he turns to me with that sweet, hesitant smile that always makes me melt. “Sorry, but if it’s about the whole almost-fainting thing… we really can’t.”
“Oh.” Blushing deeply, I remember that happened and almost slap myself. “I was talking about the weird way of talking.”
“That, sure. But why would you want it a secret?” As I hide my face deeper in the cloak again at the gossiping around us now that we were in the campus, I think about how to answer to Kaito, who looks at me in worry. “Also, you have an accent?”
“Uh. Yeah. I’m not from here, so…” I bite my tongue, immediately correcting my way of speaking and talking in the normal pitch they recognize. “I have this whole personality around this school. I need it.”
Flinching at my own words, I cringe at how strange they sound. Saying it out loud makes me want to scream and run away. I can feel Lucas’s muscles tense beneath my fingertips, and the heavy silence that follows tells me it’s not just him who is grappling with my words more than they should.
“Senpai?” I start to mumble curses, hiding my face even deeper into his shoulder and neck as I hear Sho’s worried voice. We probably are close to his food truck and he immediately recognized me. I wiggle my hand around the cloak to give Sho a thumbs up to make sure he knows I’m okay. “Is she okay?”
“No. She isn’t.” Lucas’s matter-of-fact answer prompts me to give him a light slap. He doesn’t even flinch and keeps walking. Now that I think about it, we’re taking way longer than we should, and I blame him for not moving faster.
“Can’t you walk quickly?” I murmur against his neck, feeling his goosebumps rise at my voice so close to him. A win is a win, ladies.
“You looked like you were about to puke if I ran,” he replies in that annoyingly soft tone that makes me want to stay by his side forever. And I want to freaking die because people are starting to stare again.
“Bitch, run. If you slow down more, I swear they’ll still be talking about this a year from now. Kaito, help me out here, dude!” They both snort at my despair, and if they didn’t have such cute faces, I’d be tempted to punch them. Lucas sighs and finally starts to pick up the pace.
“You’re fine. It was just a panic attack.” After going through thousands of tests with Jiro, I breath out slowly, falling down in the stretcher, putting an arm around my face and counting to 100. I hear fumbling around and then him coming back to the side of the stretcher. “Here, take this. It’s a prototype, but should help.”
Sighing and then sitting up, I take the cup of water and the pill, staring at it hesitantly. I didn’t know they had anxiety meds here in the school. Jiro opens his mouth to explain about the medicine, but before he can talk I gulp down the medicine in one go with the water.
“Uhm. The pills will help you be more truthful. It was supposed to be a truth serum, but it helps more with whole behavior.” Choking down in the water he gave me, I immediately try to spill out the pill that I already took.
“Do I have time to throw up?”
“Please don’t.” He immediately answer, taking a step back and looking at me apprehensively.
“Hi. I would like to go home. Now. Very much.” The words tumble out of my mouth in a rush. The moment Jiro discharged me, I bolted out before Kaito or Lucas could catch up, making a straight line for the staffroom. As soon as I see Mr. Hyde, I start rambling.
He blinks at me, taken aback, his mouth opening and closing as if he’s grasping for words. His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, trying to keep up with my sudden burst of anxious energy.
“We both know I will die one way or another, by the hands of a ghoul or by becoming the anomaly. So can we compromise in me going home and then coming back before the year ends so you guys can kill me, please?”
“Woah there, little one. We never said nothing about killing you.” As he answers in a carefully planned way, my eyes almost rolls in annoyance and he clearly sees it in my expression. “What happened?”
“Uh. Nothing. My brain just short-circuited and your poor imitation of the freaking Frankestein thought it was real helpful to make me just say whatever goes in my mind instead of.. You know. Actually using my three braincells to figure the best way to talk instead of calling out bullshit?” I gasp, the weight of my own words hitting me as I freeze, looking at Mr. Hyde in pure despair. My eyes dart to the door, where I notice Subaru and Haku standing there, the door slightly ajar, their expression a mix of confusion and surprise. “Excuse me. Come back later—I’m in the middle of a panic attack,” I manage, voice wavering while I stomp my way to the door, trying to close it, but Haku stops it.
“Uh, no. We are going to have to talk about this.” As he tries to push the door open—or maybe drag me out—I feel a jolt of panic and instinctively kick him. Normally, being a ghoul, he wouldn’t even flinch, but I catch him by surprise. He stumbles back, and I use that split second to slam the door shut.
“Now. Can we talk about me having a time out, Mr. Hyde?” I turn around, supporting my back against the door so I keep it shut while we talk. Just in time to see an strange expression in his face. He changes it in a second, schooling it.
“You know we can’t do that.” He says in a tone that makes me want to cry because it was the most truthful they ever said to me. “But I will think of something. Go back to your dorm. You don’t need to interact to any ghoul for today. I will send a cat to alert when you can come back.”
I nod, taking what I can get. Opening the door, I pause at Haku sitting on the ground on the other side of the hall and a very flustered Subaru looking at me as if I just grew another head. The taste of the words rolls down and I bite my tongue. The feeling of being trapped overwhelms me, and I bolt. Running all the way to the cathedral, I don’t stop until I reach it, closing the door in a bang. Going straight to my room, I turn the phone the academy gave me off and then throw myself at the bed.
After at least two hours of full-on bed rotting, I finally drag myself to the shabby kitchen they gave me. I glance at the pitiful stash of groceries and the worn-out kitchen utensils, letting out a sigh. Tapping my foot on the floor, I pull out my phone, pointedly ignoring the sea of missed calls and messages, and open Google to search for a recipe.
“It’s been a while,” I mutter, a nostalgic smile creeping onto my face. I know exactly what I need—a cake, my go-to childhood comfort food.
As a familiar song blasts from my phone, I sway around the tiny kitchen, dancing and singing while I measure and stir, feeling a spark of joy I haven’t felt in ages. For the first time, I feel like myself again.
“Don’t be afraid to get loud!” I sing, grinning as I slide the cake into the oven. With a satisfied sigh, I start making the frosting, savoring the smell of chocolate filling the room.
But then I freeze. My shoulders tense as I glance up to see a head poking through the ceiling. I sigh, bracing myself, all the joy draining from my face.
“Could you please get out of my ceiling, Edward? Also, I’m in time out.”
“Time out, dear? From whom?” He phases through until he is standing by my side. I stay quiet while stirring the chocolate, unsure if I am comfortable with his existence right now.
“Ghouls. That includes reapers, vampires and werewolves too.” Deciding in answering softly, I focus in the chocolate in front of me, deciding in simply not caring about him simply appearing.
“Hmm… okay,” he mutters, settling onto a stool by the counter. He picks up his phone, scrolling for a moment before a random YouTube video starts blaring over my music. I twitch at the sound clash, then grab my Bluetooth earbuds and shove them toward him.
He blinks at them, then looks up at me, confused. “What... is this?”
“Oh, poor grandpa.” I coo at him with exaggerated sympathy, taking his phone to sync the earbuds. Gently grabbing his chin, I tilt his head and pop the earbuds into his ears. “There. Now I can hear my music.”
Grinning at him, I go back to stirring my chocolate, humming the song not to disturb him. His stare is strickling hot against my back, but I act as if I don’t see it. After a while, the cake is ready and I prepare it, puffing up my chest when I can get it out of the cake pan without destroying it. Decorating it with the chocolate frosting, swaying my body in the beat of the music, I feel way calmer.
Completely absorbed, I almost jump when I glance back and see Edward still there, leaning on his hand, watching me with that steady gaze. Our eyes meet, and the silence stretches between us.
“Do you like sweets?” I ask, sliding over to sit beside him, holding the pot with the last smudges of chocolate frosting. Scooping up what’s left, I savor the rich sweetness while the cake cools off, unable to resist a grin as I look his way. He clears his throat, looking away and shaking his head in no motion. I shrug at it, playing in my phone.
“I will go now.” At his words, I simply nod, still occupied inhaling the sweet chocolate. When he stays even after saying it, I look up at him. “Aren’t you going to take off those things?”
“Oh.” As he points to his ears, I turn into him, grabbing him gently by the chin and taking it off. Smiling gently to him, I put them back in the box, planning to go back to my chocolate. However, he surprises me by giving a little peck in the crown of the head.
“See you soon, dear.”
I watch the bat flutter off, then drop my head onto the counter—ouch! Instantly regretting it, I wince at the dull throb. “How am I supposed to be mad at them?” I mumble, feeling the urge to just melt away right there.
"Meow! Meow!" The relentless pounding of the cat's paws against the window jolts me from a nightmare. My heart thumping, I nearly slipped out of bed in my haste to open the window. A sudden rush of cool morning air comes in, and I grasp the chancellor's letter, feeling its weight in my hands as I fall into my bed. My eyes well up with tears, and the words on the paper blur.
"So to sum up, 'fuck off, get your act straight, and go back to suck up the ghouls', haha." The anger and disappointment wash over me in waves as I laugh under the tears. The paper curmples in my hand as I bury my face in the pillow, wondering how everything went so wrong. "I just wanted to see a show."
I stay there for some minutes, finally letting myself cry after months at this school. After a while, my phone starts vibrating, and I just stare at it. It was Kaito; that is the only thing that makes me sit up on the bed, my hand quickly wiping away at the tears as I go to the bathroom and clean myself, waiting for his call to go unanswered. Seeing my puffed up face, I run to the kitchen, picking ice to put around it so the swelling could go down. With the ice on my face and after taking care of my voice, I call back.
"Hi, sorry, I was sleeping." Hoping to mask my scracthing tone as simply sleepiness, I start the call by saying it.
"Uh. Yeah? Um, so, are you okay?" Flinching at the question, I try not to flung myself into the wall over it. I hate when people get concerned over me, and when that question comes up, I want to blot away.
"Yeah. I guess I was really tired yesterday." Laughing nervously at the call, I stare at my disreveled reflection in the mirror while acessing if the swelling is going down. I just hope they don't notice. "So… I'm okay now. Slept like a baby."
Lies roll down my tongue in such a casual way that I scare myself sometimes with how easily I can deceive others. But it's better than facing their worry and pity. I'll just have to keep up the facade for now. I didn't sleep well ever since I came here.
"Oh, good! Want to have lunch with me and Lucas? He was worried too." The relief in his tone makes my breathing easier. I hum, looking between my makeup and my face in the mirror.
"Sure. Meet you in 30? I'll just fix my hair quickly." On the other side of the call, I hear his breath hitch. The call is muted when I hear Lucas starting to say something in the background, but I can't make out what he's saying. Tapping my feet on the floor, I bite the inside of my mouth. His answer is delayed.
"Sounds good. We will meet you outside of Clementia."
Making sure my body is not pocking out, I crouch on the floor, uttering a brief goodbye in the call, turning off my cell phone, and head all the way to my room and the windows. I hide in the courtains and sit , peering out at the street below, from where I can see these two ghouls chatting hurriedly. I hold my breath in the hopes that they won't notice me.
I rushed back to the restroom and, with shaking hands, wrapped the ice from earlier in a towel. I dabbed around the uncomfortable regions and pressed it gently against my puffy eyelids; the cooling stung at first but eventually reduced the swelling. The redness had at least somewhat subsided—not much, but better than nothing.
The worst of the puffiness subsided within fifteen minutes or so. I put down the compress and inhaled deeply. The only thing left to do was to put together a quick, natural appearance, something that would cover up the rest without being too noticeable.
"Hi, boys!" Grinning to both of them, I confidently stepped out of the dorm, ready for the day. My eyes prickle again seeing how Kaito immediately approaches with a big smile and Lucas look me up and down, as if making sure I'm okay. "I feel like I might turn into mush."
“Why?” I can’t help but swoon at how adorable Lucas looks, his brows knitted in concern, a puzzled look that only makes him more endearing. Kaito, on the other hand, just sighs, shooting Lucas and me a glance that practically screams, Seriously?
I shake my head with a grin and, without a second thought, bound forward in the few steps of the stair that lead me into my dormroom, closing the gap between us in an instant. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Kaito shuffle awkwardly, his gaze flicking between me and the ground as if he's ready to step in if I trip. Meanwhile, Lucas instinctively extends his hand, prepared to catch me just in case.
"Let's go!" Being uncharacteristic of myself, I wrap my arms around theirs, dragging them to the weird 90-style cafe that Ren worked in. Come think of it, It's been a while since I've talked to him. Humming a song, I enter the establishment and do a beeline to Ren, who immediately groans at seeing customers entering. "Hi, It's 13:35; in 10 minutes you have a raid. I know. Do you guys have milkshakes here?"
"How the hell do you know that?" Immediately pulling his phone and tapping into it, probably opening the game, he let it enter while looking up at us in the booth. "We do have milkshakes. Normal ones. What do you guys want?"
As Ren listened to the orders being shouted, both of them eagerly asked for their own, while I absentmindedly scrolled through my phone. My fingers paused at a notification from Haku, his name flashing on the screen. I let out an involuntary groan, already anticipating the conversation I didn’t want to have.
"What is it?" Lucas immediately invades my personal space, his brow furrowed as he peers down at my phone. I can feel the tension in the air as he shifts closer, and Kaito leans in too, concern etched across his face. My heart races, and I suddenly feel trapped in the booth with both of them hovering so near. Kaito immediately notices it, going back to a normal position.
“Seriously, you can’t just hover over someone like that,” He interjects, breaking the tension with his gentle but firm tone. His gaze flicks to Lucas, an unspoken message passing between them.
"It's fine, just a conversation I'm not willing to have." I immediately turn off my phone, putting it face down in the table as Ren puts the milkshakes in front of us and looking curious at my words. Hoping the sweet taste might distract me from the uncomfortable situation, I take a sip and force a smile. Ren raises an eyebrow, sensing my unease but wisely choosing not to push the issue further.
"About what, exactly? Is someone bothering you again?" Not so wisely Lucas presses, his eyes wide with concern. The way he insists on asking almost makes me want to snap at him, but as I catch a glimpse of his handsome face, I can’t help but let out an exasperated sigh. It’s pretty hard to stay mad at someone who looks so genuinely worried—and cute—at the same time.
“Nah, it’s fine. Haku just overheard me begging Professor Hyde to let me go home in a total panic …” I scroll through my phone, my voice cracking as I blurt out my thoughts without thinking. “And I kind of… begged for them to just kill me when the time comes.”
Well, shit. I really wasn’t supposed to say that.
I drop my head onto the counter, thudding it softly in irritation, groaning as the sting of the impact reminds me of just how ridiculous this all is.
“Also, Jiro put me on these weird pills that make me prone to rambling my thoughts out loud, so I’m trying my best to keep up this facade and ignore the fact that I cried the whole morning.” With that, I exhale sharply, feeling a bit of the weight lift off my shoulders, even if just for a moment.
I feel Kaito poking the top of my head until I finally look up, his face uncomfortably close to mine. “That explains the redness. Do you want a hug?”
Before I can even process his words, I’m sobbing and throwing my arms around him, holding on tightly. His hands weave into my hair, caressing it gently as he pulls me closer, offering comfort.
After a good while of sobbing and sniffling, I finally pull myself away from Kaito and catch a glimpse of my face in the phone’s reflection. I immediately start laughing at how ridiculous I look.
“Wow, I look like a total wreck.” I shake my head with a laugh, swiping a finger under my puffy eyes before taking a sip of my milkshake—which, by now, is basically sugary soup. “Ugh, this is tragic. Sorry for crying all over you.”
“It’s fine,” Kaito murmurs, though his cloak, now damp and smeared from my tears, tells a different story. A pang of guilt squeezes my chest, and I reach out, extending a hand. He just stares at me, slightly bewildered.
“Gimme. I’ll clean it for you.” He hesitates, and I just take it, folding the cloak into a bundle in my lap. I go back to scrolling on my phone, but my gaze drifts up, catching Lucas’s.
“You know, it’s even worse when you look like a deer in headlights.”
“Sorry.” He mumbles it quickly, a hint of pink on his cheeks, and I sigh.
“And you—why are you staring?” I turn to Ren, who’s leaning back with a raised eyebrow.
“You just sobbed your heart out in front of us, and now you’re acting like it’s no big deal?” He scoffs, but before I can answer, he plunks a cupcake in front of me, his face a perfect blend of irritation and fondness.
I laugh, giving him a playful nudge in the forehead as I pick up the cupcake and take a big, childlike bite.