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She supposed it should've been obvious that something like this might happen soon, Girlfriend thought as she was roused from a light slumber to the sound of rain pounding against the ceiling of her apartment, drumming against the windows.
It was almost autumn, and it had been a warm summer. The cold was coming in waves, less of a gradual descent and more like a tsunami - one day, it was over eighty degrees out, and the next, it was under sixty.
The final throes of sweltering heat were being pushed out by the upcoming winter, and that meant storms.
At the first rumble of thunder, she involuntarily tensed and looked down at Boyfriend.
Her love was still sleeping soundly, thank god. He needed as much rest as he could manage, with everything going on. It had been hard enough to get him to sleep with Pico out of the house for the night - he'd never say it out loud, but having the sharpshooter around just made him feel safer. And safety was a high priority at the moment.
Sometimes, she wondered if he forgot she was a literal demon.
It's not that she would be offended if he had. Honestly, she might even be grateful. She didn't want to be treated any differently just because of her species; humans and demons were closely related enough to be able to hybridize, after all. Being taken by a guy who hardly cared took her off the market from all the guys who'd see her as something exotic or exploitable.
Still, it would do wonders if he realized that she was fully capable of protecting him.
It was complicated. She knew he didn't really want that from Pico either. It was just the circumstances - Pico had been the one to find him, to scare Monster away, even if accidentally. That would do a lot to your brain's comprehensible shorthand of safety.
It wasn't really fair for her to wish it had been her who'd found him. It's not like it would make anything easier. But maybe she could've done something. Maybe he wouldn't be so tense when Pico left. Maybe he'd be turning to her.
As soon as the thought entered her mind that jealousy didn't suit her, another low roar sounded in the distance. Her wings were tight to her body, tail twisted into knots. She hated storms.
Taking a deep breath, and after taking a quick glance over her shoulder to watch the on-and-off flicker of more lightning, she slowly unfurled her wings, allowing one of them to drape over her sleeping boyfriend. She folded her arms under her pillow, propping herself up as she looked at him solemnly.
It didn't really matter, she reasoned with herself, whether he came to her or not. She would protect him either way. And that could start now. The added weight might keep him from waking up, and even if she hate, hate, hated storms, especially waiting them out on her own, completely unable to sleep, she could tough it out for a while just to make sure he didn't suffer the same fate.
She would be brave, just like he always tried to be.
But it was impossible for her mind not to wander - she wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep with the storm going on, and she couldn't exactly move now, so she was stuck staring at his sleeping face. Curled up on his left side.
He didn't always sleep like that. He used to be a sprawler, to Pico's chagrin - limbs in every direction as he laid on his back, resembling a starfish more than a pill bug. She'd give herself a bit of relief in assuming that he'd had to start shrinking himself to accommodate his partners - this bed wasn't exactly built for three people. They'd all fallen off at least once.
Still, it was hard not to see it and the slight tension to his brow and not know it was, at least partially, a stress response. Forcing himself into a fetal position probably felt a bit safer, she guessed, to his unconscious brain. It shouldn't make her so sad, but she really couldn't help it.
... was it her fault? No, he wouldn't say that. She could feel that way, though. BF would never have run into Hanzou if they hadn't been hired by her father. Never would've encountered Monster if she hadn't inadvertently introduced him to it. She had a sinking feeling, no matter how much she assured him otherwise, that it wouldn't be the last dangerous thing she accidentally dragged him into.
Even Pico, king of taking all the blame and not being all too shy when it came to informing others of the share they ought to take, had all but begged her not to put this on herself. She didn't know what to do otherwise, though, with this feeling. She felt... helpless.
Maybe this was what her parents were trying to protect her from.
Sighing softly, pushing the thought aside, she pulled an arm out from under her and gently moved to caress BF's sleeping face. None of this was about her, not really. So she really shouldn't be–
The sudden crack of thunder was so loud that GF literally bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming, operating on pure instinct. She'd shot upright in her panic, hands clamped over her mouth, trembling slightly as the aftershocks of the noise rumbled and seemingly shook the very building they were in.
She heard the sudden breath BF took before she even looked down to see he'd opened his eyes, and still couldn't accept the fate it entailed.
"Sorry," she said quickly, cautiously dropping her hands from her mouth so he could even hear her at the whisper her voice was coming out as. "I-I didn't mean to jump that much. Did I wake you up...?"
BF, clearly disoriented from being woken so suddenly, looked at her like she was speaking to him in a foreign language. "S'orm," he supplied shortly, gesturing vaguely above him. Thunder woke him up, not her.
The demoness sighed, forcing her wings to relax behind her as BF slowly pushed himself up, casting a weary eye at the flickering outside. "This had to happen the one night Darnell wasn't feeling good, huh...?" She complained aloud, again a bit upset that Pico couldn't be there. He was usually the one to soothe both of their nerves.
Probably feeling sucky because of it, actually, her boyfriend butted in through their telepathic link. He lazily slumped against her shoulder, blinking sleepily as she curled one of her wings around him in response. Something about, like, sky pressure and brain chemicals or something. He explained it to me once.
"Oh," she replied simply. Another loud crack, and they both cringed, GF perhaps a bit harder. At some point, BF's hand had found hers and squeezed it lightly, probably noticing that she was a bit more jumpy than him at the moment, likely because he was so tired in the first place...
"... Gee?" She flinched again, not expecting to hear his voice aloud when he'd just spoken to her mentally. When she turned to look at him, there was an amount of concern in his eyes that she hadn't been expecting. "Wha's ah?"
Somehow, he wasn't aware of what he was talking about at first. Then, she realized how her eyes were burning and something was slowly making its way down her cheek. She reflexively rubbed at her cheek, finding it wet. ... ah. "Um," she started, having no idea what to say. She hadn't even noticed she was about to start crying. An awkward laugh escaped her lips without her meaning to. "Nothing, I think. Don't worry."
She shouldn't have been surprised that he was less than convinced by that. Another gentle tightness against her hand, his brow furrowed as he insisted mentally this time, I know we both hate it, but it's just a storm. It's okay. You're safe.
The level, the sheer fucking extent in which that wasn't even the problem only made her eyes water more. Her breath caught, and she couldn't stop what she was still barely even processing was about to happen. Her free hand came to her mouth in a failed attempt to stifle a sob. BF, obviously unsettled, looked like he didn't know what to do.
"Wh-why?" She forced out. The words were spilling out of her mouth just as unexpectedly as the tears from her eyes. "Why are you comforting me when you're the one who got scared awake?"
GF barely even managed to get the question out as whatever was pent up inside her all came bursting out. She couldn't even believe that she was doing this right now. All that fussing about BF feeling the need to be brave, and here she was, breaking down into tears like a baby over nothing.
Gigi, BF said softly. He'd had to retreat a bit as she strained to gather herself, his hands held out awkwardly in front of him as he tried to determine what the best course of action was. Gi, it's okay. It's not a big deal. It's okay to be scared–”
"Then why do you pretend not to be?" The question, genuine even in its accusatory edge, practically burst out of her. It was only then that she really caught on to what this was about. She was worried about him. She was so, so worried about him. "Why do you keep saying you're okay when I can tell you're not? Why do you keep pushing us away? Why are you lying to me?"
She felt so horribly immature. Like a child throwing a tantrum. She knew why he was doing this and she understood that it wasn't personal but it hurt, it hurt to see him hurting and refuse to let her help, deny her love - but why should her feelings matter? She wasn't the one suffering. Childish, spoiled brat, just like her parents–
Hey, hey, cherry, his voice was in her thoughts again. His hands found hers, gently coaxing them away from their grip on her head, rubbing his thumbs over her palms. Her eyes had squeezed shut at some point, and when she opened them, BF looked so patient, even through the obvious devastation there. He smiled so softly that she felt like she could collapse. Take it easy, okay? I'm sorry, we... we can talk. Let's just talk.
GF sniffed, suddenly aware of just how gross her face was now. She'd never been a movie-pretty crier, much to her parents' chagrin. A weak, watery laugh escaped her lips, and somehow even that was some sort of apology. "Mm'kay."
A funny thing about the two of them was that, ever since they'd started dating, they'd been almost completely unwilling to detach from each other's sides during a storm. It took GF such a conscious effort to find something to clean her face with, given "tissues" was one of those things on the shopping list that always got forgotten, that BF wound up simply following her into the bathroom as she resorted to using toilet paper instead.
He'd been weird about mirrors the past few days. Even more so than he had been directly after the whole incident with Hanzou. She couldn't tell what he was looking at when he looked at his reflection, but he didn't seem entirely thrilled about it.
Before she could ponder that much more, his voice washed over her thoughts again. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset or anything, he thought, still staring into his own eyes with that same, almost solemn expression. He finally broke the contact to look at GF, who approached him now that she felt a bit more presentable. Everything's just been hard lately, I guess.
"Yeah," GF said softly. They both cringed a bit as another roll of thunder shook the apartment gently. "I know."
She didn't really know how to help him with this part. Talking about emotions had never been his strong suit, and the one time she'd gotten him to do it was when he'd just come out of a total breakdown. She wished she could make this easier on him...
I guess I just– I know it's stupid, his thoughts interrupted themselves, almost amused, before he continued, I think if I just ignore it, then you guys won't worry. I don't want you guys to worry about me because I can handle it. I know you'll worry anyway, because you two are fucking - too kind. But. Y'know.
He looked to the ground as he spared those thoughts to her, clearly uncomfortable even in that slight admission. She hated, hated whatever part of him made him feel this way. Whatever little voice in his head was telling him he needed to just tough this out. But he was so sure of it, and she felt the same way about some things, and the other three were all the same way - was this just the way things were?
She felt like it couldn't have to be.
"Does it really matter if you can handle it?" GF asked, voice still slightly strained from earlier tears. Her boyfriend looked up at her in confusion. "I was– I was thinking about how you always tough things you're scared of out, so I was trying to sit through the storm on my own– do you even want that for me? Or are we just trying to, fucking, I don't know, avoid something that isn't even there?"
She didn't exactly have the words for it, but she knew what she meant. What were they trying to prove? What were they trying to avoid? BF in trying so hard to seem unafraid, her in toughing everything out with her shitty parents, Pico in keeping his past and his feelings close to his chest - what was there really to gain?
BF had yet to respond, clearly still thinking of how to respond. When his mind was opened up to her the way it was, she focused on a certain part of the brain that stored what someone was about to say before they could say it. But sometimes, when he thought really hard like this, she could feel other words tickling the corners of her brain. It was weird, being so connected to someone else's mind. In a good way. She wouldn't give it up for anything.
So she continued. "Maybe sometimes we don't have to be brave. Maybe we should just be pathetic and afraid sometimes. Or something."
That spurred a slight laugh. Humble ourselves?
"Yes!" She burst out, practically completely forgetting that she'd been bawling her eyes out moments ago. BF's grin widened at the sudden display of excitement. "Exactly! We need to get out of our heads and we need to be stupid, or we're all gonna go fucking nuts! You know?"
It was rare for BF to not match her energy on something, but she didn't mind. He was tired in a lot of ways and she was just happy to see that amused smile on his face. Yeah, I can buy that, he thought, readily accepting it as she got closer to hold his hands in her excitement as if on instinct. Let's just be idiots who are terrified of a noise for tonight.
The thought was phrased in such a silly way that he didn't expect even more escalation to her jovial mood, though he wasn't going to complain when she started kissing him all over his face like it was the first time she'd seen him in years.
There was, of course, very little direction on what just being idiots who are terrified of a noise actually entailed, as an activity. The way they ended up interpreting it was, because there was no way either of them were going to sleep like this, they curled up on the couch to watch GF play through every Five Nights at Freddy's game in order on BF's laptop. (He had, of course, bought and downloaded all of them for her months ago.) The irony of them jumping out of their skin at every crack of thunder but being completely unfazed by the games was not lost on them, but hardly cared about.
It was far from surprising that Pico was still awake by the time they decided to text him to see if he was interested in calling to check in. Apparently he'd convinced Darnell to be taken to urgent care to be given something slightly stronger than Tylenol - whatever mix of pain and anti-nausea meds they'd given him had hit him like a tranquilizer and he was out so cold that Pico could talk at full volume without waking the sick man clinging to him up.
They hung out like that until about four in the morning, when even Pico had to finally tap out to try and at least get a little sleep. The storm had dulled into a background drizzle at that point, so they could stand to be alone. She had to admit, it was weirdly relieving to just let the anxiety run its course instead of trying to tough it out. Made it a lot easier to relax after the fact.
BF had nodded off not long after Pico hung up for the night. GF herself was a bit too tired to bother with bringing the both of them to bed. So, as her final act of the night, she shut the laptop and set it aside, then maneuvered the both of them into a slightly more comfortable position to sleep in - that was, BF being almost entirely on top of her like a human weighted blanket.
There was no doubt that when they woke up, likely at some point in the afternoon with how this was going, they'd probably be less than comfy. Sore from the sleeping position and sleeping on the couch at all, tired and grumpy from staying up so late.
That was okay, though. They were allowed to be a mess sometimes.