Work Text:
Zhou Yi Chen knew that his feelings were foolish. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but despite that, he couldn't stop his heart from feeling bitterness. Every time he saw Zhao Yuan Zhou with Li Lun, he felt as though he were drinking vinegar. Every time he saw the joyful and bright eyes of Zhao Yuan Zhou directed at the other demon, Zhou Yi Chen wanted to challenge Li Lun to a duel.
He knew that the time he had spent with Zhao Yuan Zhou was, to the demon, nothing more than a drop in the ocean of his long life. He consciously understood that the months they had known each other and spent together could in no way compare to the tens of thousands of years Zhao Yuan Zhou had spent with the other demon.
But Zhou Yi Chen had a feeling… he had a hope that something bigger was being born and growing between him and Zhao Yuan Zhou, something that meant more than just fighting side by side. Foolishly, he thought they could be something more than just friends. Zhou Yi Chen misinterpreted Zhao Yuan Zhou's attachment. He misunderstood his smiles and his desire to stay close to him. He didn’t see what truly lay behind Zhao Yuan Zhou’s actions.
Zhou Yi Chen, like a fool, thought that perhaps the demon’s heart was drawn to him, just as his own heart raced every time he felt the demon's gaze on him. Like a fool, he didn’t see the truth.
Zhou Yi Chen, like a fool, fell in love with the demon.
But now, looking at him holding Li Lun’s hand, seeing him so light and bright, radiating his own light, illuminating the darkness of the room, hanging new stars in the sky with just his smile, Zhou Yi Chen finally understood how wrong he had been.
Zhao Yuan Zhou's heart had always belonged to someone else. The demon hadn’t tried to get close to Zhou Yi Chen, hadn’t tried to love him, or even make him a replacement for his beloved. Zhao Yuan Zhou had simply tried to be his friend, to help him emerge from the darkness in which Zhou Yi Chen had been living for the past years.
He helped him awaken from the numbness that had engulfed his body and heart after the death of his brother. Only now did he see that Zhao Yuan Zhou treated him the same as Wen Xiao. There were no hidden feelings, no deeper meaning behind his actions. Zhao Yuan Zhou wasn’t waiting for Zhou Yi Chen to come to terms with his feelings and take the first step toward him. Zhao Yuan Zhou didn’t love Zhou Yi Chen. He had always loved and belonged to Li Lun.
Seeing them together now, so effortlessly communicating with just glances, touching each other almost constantly, sharing food, and reminiscing about events that had happened long before Zhou Yi Chen was even born, he finally understood how hopeless his position had been. He had no chance. He never did.
"To console you, I also thought he was flirting with me," Wen Xiao said, sitting next to him at the table in Zhao Yuan Zhou's house. From where they sat, they could observe Zhao Yuan Zhou and Li Lun playing on the swing nearby without appearing suspicious.
Zhao Yuan Zhou was sitting while Li Lun pushed him gently. Wen Xiao was almost certain that each time the swing neared Li Lun, he pressed a delicate kiss on Zhao Yuan Zhou's neck. She couldn’t be sure, though—perhaps the demon was simply whispering sweet words into his ear. She had seen them do that more than once or twice, even in public.
Demons as old as they were no longer felt shame. They had long abandoned discretion and forgotten about limitations. Wen Xiao was just glad they restrained themselves when Bai Jiu was with them.
"He is..." Zhou Yi Chen began, but he couldn’t find the words to describe Zhao Yuan Zhou.
"A light, and we are nothing but moths," Wen Xiao finished for him. Zhou Yi Chen nodded, agreeing with her statement.
"We never had a chance. From the beginning, we were unable to resist him," he said, forcing himself to look away from the loving pair.
Just watching them, so happy, in their little bubble of joy, made his heart feel as if it would shatter into hundreds of tiny fragments that no one would ever be able to put back together.
They heard laughter. Zhou Yi Chen couldn’t resist and looked up. The scene he saw would haunt his dreams for years to come.
Li Lun lifted Zhao Yuan Zhou into the air, spinning him as if he weighed nothing at all. Zhao Yuan Zhou wrapped his long arms around Li Lun's neck, allowing his beautiful embroidered sleeves to drape around them.
They seemed suspended in time, completely absorbed in their little piece of happiness. Zhou Yi Chen watched as Zhao Yuan Zhou’s lips met Li Lun’s.
He sighed.
To see but never touch or possess. Now, he knew the greatest pain in the world. To love but not be loved in return…
Wen Xiao intertwined their fingers in a comforting grip. Well, at least he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.